The Essence of Being a Dispeller
[
Selena is walking in a nice park.
]
[
Selena's internal dialogue: Matthew and I got accepted into different
universities, so we parted ways. Jessica, Jonathan and I are still chatting
over the Internet and stuff. Meanwhile, I started studying Near East
Archaeology in a different university in California, and now have to learn
Sumerian, Akkadian, Phoenician, and Aramaic, at least for now.
Cuneiform is driving me mad, so I'm looking for a pastoral place to study it.
This park is really lovely.
]
[
Mosheh and Aharon, who resemble Moses and Aaron from the Bible approach
Selena from a different pathway. They are wearing backpacks.
]
Mosheh: oh, there she is. [they approach her].
Mosheh: hi, Miss Mandrake? Nice to meet you. I am Mosheh Ben-Amram - this is
my brother, Aharon. [they extend their hands.]
[
Selena looks angry. Cut to a long shot of the trees.
]
Selena’s Voice: [in a loud and angry tone] you bloody fucks!!!
[
Cut to Selena standing next to Mosheh and Aharon.
]
Selena: I can't believe you people… you… vampires.
Selena: I want to kill you, I so am, but it will probably be futile, because if
you survived since now, there’s no way I can hurt you at all.
Mosheh: well, not physically, but you certainly can mentally.
Selena: Mr. Mosheh - this is not the time to make such silly jokes.
Selena: tell me one thing: why me? wha - hy me? Why was I chosen to be
The Slayer and then, the… the…
Selena: exactly. Was it destiny? [starts crying] Was it fate? Did I want to?
[
Mosheh and Ahraon drag Selena to a bench, where she sits down and wheeps.
]
Selena: and what kind of slayer cries like a baby?
Mosheh: here - have a handkerchief.
Selena: thank you. [Weeps into the handerkerchief.]
Mosheh: and don't worry, Selena, some of our most admired and toughest male
warrior vampires, had cried in less aggravating conditions than yours. We
are all humans.
Selena: [cries some more] OK, I'm the Dispeller, now what do we do?
Mosheh: whatever you want.
Selena: should I dispel stuff?
Mosheh: you already did, but it was done by vampires, both human and non-human,
since the beginning of the universe.
Selena: then why do they need me?
Mosheh: well, how should I start. I gather you've watched Star Trek: Deep Space
Nine?
Selena: I did, great show. Hold it, hold it! Not their prophets and the Vadeks
and Kai Win, and...
Mosheh: yep, they are all real to an extent (minus some Hollywood deviations,
and exaggerations).
Selena: oh God… who is probably Don Knuth, right. I know the “Knuth is not God”
meme.
Mosheh: well, according to the prophets he is “The God” and “The Neo-Tech God”.
Mosheh: because we are part of “The Neo-Tech conspiracy for establish the
Semitic culture”.
Selena: wasn't it established thousands of years ago?
Aharon: well, like the prophets would say “Before? After?”.
Selena: OK, so people dispelled in the past, and they needed me as some kind
of role model to look up to, in order to dispel. How lame!
Selena: But what were these slaying tests, with The Guide, and these weird demons,
and… God, they made me feel so helpless, and mad, and sad, and… all for becoming
a silly Bajorean God?
Selena: [she stands up] Couldn't you have given me a written examination?
Mosheh: that would not be adequate for us. See, as vampires, we constantly have
to deal with a lot of emotions and frustrations in our personal and
professional lives. Dispelling is not always easy, and you are going to
encounter many obstacles along the way from envious people, who are threatened
by what you say, or stubborn people, or sycophants, or even people who care
about what you say or have important ammendements.
Mosheh: dispelling is not just fun and games, you know.
Selena: I see. [Selena giggles.]
Mosheh: I should also tell you about the Q continuum.
Selena: yes, I gather it existed, only it seems that the Qs cannot be
omnipotent, because it's a logical impossibility.
Mosheh: they are not. They are regular humanoids, or other aliens, who have
ascended to be vampires and Qs, and who possess extremely powerful (but not
omnipotent or “supernatural”) technology.
Selena: I see. Did they provide the special effects?
Selena: OK, I’m still mad at you. But since I still find all this fascinating
(I have to as an Archaeologist-wannabe and stuff), I’m going to continue
talking to you, despite being mad.
Mosheh: sure. You may wish to know that the Bajoran scholars considered
dispelling as the next logical level after slaying.
Selena: and The Slayer was Buffy from the show?
Mosheh: no. The fictional Buffy Anne Summers was a mighty slayer, but she
was just The Vampire Slayer. The Slayer and the concept of slaying predates
her.
Selena: I see. So whom do I have the dubious honour to succeed?
Mosheh: this is a complicated story, but let me ask you: have you read The
Three Muskeeters?
Selena: by Dumas? Of course! … What?! Milady de-Winter?! She?!
Mosheh: the more accurate story is a bit more complicated, but maybe you’d
like to hear it from a more authoritative source.
[
Selena turns around and notices a black-haired attractive white woman,
looking in her twenties or thirties.
]
Selena: [sheepishly] hi, who might you be?
Stranger Woman: [excited] oh Selena, I feel like I've known you all my life.
[she runs to hug Selena. Selena anxiously lets her hug her.]
Selena: OK, OK, but who are you Ms.…
Stranger Woman: oh sorry, [lets herself go of Selena] I am Kate.
Selena: nice to meet you, Ms. Kate.
Kate: well, I've been known by various last names in previous lives, but Kate
always stayed the same.
Selena: previous lives? Oh, I suppose you remained young…
Mosheh: …or became younger.
Selena: yes, yes, OK, which life are we talking about?
Kate tells her story
Kate: my first. Well, I was actually born Kate Hampshire, a young Anglican
baby born to English parents on French soil. I grew up among French children,
who welcomed me as their own, but when my parents and I returned back to
England when I was 5 years old, I was ridiculed for my French, and so
wanted to hear nothing of it, until I was older and had to relearn French much
more painfully.
Selena: but you still had a trace of a French accent…
Kate: precisely.
Kate: anyway, as opposed to Dumas’s description, I was a brunette, for
which some no-goodnicks from my whereabouts, ridiculed me of being of
Jewish heritage, but eventually, I knew not to care. There were plenty of
other brunette girls among my friends, anyway.
Kate: so, my father wanted me to learn the proper Christian law and ethics, so
he taught me how to read English, and told me to read the Bible. I grew to love
it, and consider the various characters there as my friends.
Kate: Moreover, I organised various shows by children at the local parish
of the Bible, often with a lot of humour thrown in, in order to captivate the
crowd. Our
minister believed that this was blasphemous, so he summoned the local Bishop
to see, who not only enjoyed our shows, but told the priest that we were making
the Bible something living and dynamic, and so it was to be encouraged.
Kate: As a result, I quickly became notorious for my shows, which also
captured the attention of the local nobility, the Lords of Canterson. The
older brother, who liked me so much, became infatuated with me, courted me, and
eventually we got married.
Kate: we led a happy marriage, but it was terminated shortly by the
Lord, my husband, becoming sick, and then dying. It wasn't my fault, but I was
devastated from it, and after recovering, told the Lord’s younger brother,
the now honourable Lord George Canterson, that I was going to relocate to Paris,
France, for a change of scenery. He agreed.
Kate: As a result, I, as Milady Canterson arrived at Paris to try my luck in
finding a new life. I was able to make a small profit teaching English and the
English bible to many students who were eager to learn, but my social life
took a turn, to the worse, at first. You see, I kept telling the various people
at parties and other social events of my previous life as an entertainer and
also reciting some of my takes on Biblical things with improvisations. Many men
and women found it amusing and liked me, but a minority of the women started
spreading rumours that I killed my husband, and was actually glad he died,
and they were trying to put me down.
Kate: At one point, I could not take it anymore, and I went to a corner couch,
sat down, and started crying. I was joined by d’Artagnan, a young (about my
age), promising guard at the des Essarts' company of guards, who was a big
fan of me and my stories about what happened in the bible, and he asked me,
d’Artagnan: Milady, que se passe-t-il? [ = “Milady, what's the matter?” ]
Milady Kate: Rien [ = “nothing”. She is crying.].
d’Artagnan: Il y a évidemment quelque chose qui ne va pas. Pourquoi
pleurez-vous? [ = “something is obviously the matter. Why are you crying?”]
Milady Kate: D’accord. Comme je ne porte plus le deuil et que je
semble heureuse, les autres femmes croient que j'ai tué mon mari.
[ = “OK. The other women think I killed my husband because I'm now
no longer grieving and seems happy.”]
d'Artagnan: Sottises! On peut à la fois être triste et heureux pour
des raisons différentes. [ = “nonsense. You can be sad and happy at the same
time, for two different things.” ]
Milady Kate: Oui, oui. [ = “yes. yes.”]
d'Artagnan: Laissez-moi vous dire ceci [takes her hands]. Je
comprends que vous soyez offensée, mais sachez que ces personnes ne
vous veulent que du tort et vous ne devriez pas laisser les paroles
grossières ou méprisantes vous affecter. Vous valez mieux que ça.
[= “let me tell you this . It’s OK to receive insults,
it's OK to be offended, but you need to know that ultimately the other person
is just does not mean well, and that you should not get them
to hurt you. You're better than that.]
Milady Kate: M. d’Artagnan, vous êtes très sage pour votre âge.
[= “M. d’Artagnan, you are quite wise for your age.”]
d’Artagnan: Merci, Milady. Je tâcherai que ça ne me monte pas à la
tête. [= “thank you, Milady. I will not let it go to my head.”]
Kate’s voice: d’Artagnan and I became good friends: I taught him English
and the Bible, and he told me of some of the things he learned as a
noble, and what happened at the Guards. We ended up falling in love and having
an affair, and while we did not go public about it, we did not really hide
it and pretty soon everyone knew, and many single people and couples were
jealous or envious of us. But we didn’t care.
Kate’s voice: another thing I should tell you about is the Queen. She was a beautiful
woman, but needy and jealous and wanted the King, Louis XIII, to love her,
without her doing anything to deserve it. The King and his prime minister,
Cardinal Richelieu, despised her for her incompetence, which made her feel
even more deprived of love that she supposedly deserved. I sometimes had to
provide support for some of her maids, who were offended by her abuse, and
ended up giving them d’Artagnan’s advice, which I noticed had made
them quickly lose their job, and then meeting me and telling me how relieved
they were.
Kate’s voice: anyway, I was expecting D’Artagnan to propose soon after all that, when
it was announced that the conquest of La Rochelle was about to take place,
and that d’Artagnan will relocate their. I was somewhat worried for his
future, and thought we would have to part soon.
Kate’s voice: nothing prepared me for the time when my maid woke me up in the middle
of the night and informed me that there were two of the King’s Musketeers at
the door. I wondered why. The Musketeers told me the king asked to see me, so
I wore a plain dress, and the Musketeers took me in a carriage to the palace.
They escorted me to a room where I saw the King sitting at an armchair,
as well as D’Artagnan and his friend and mentor Athos standing at a corner.
[
Showing the scene at the Palace.
]
Louis XIII: [in English with a French accent] hello, Milady. You know M.
d’Artagnan and M. Athos.
Milady Kate: [a little worried] I do, nice to meet you again.
Louis XIII: please meet his eminence.
[
Cardinal Richelieu turns to face them.
]
Milady Kate: his eminence! Oh no, oh no… if it’s about my relationship with
M. d’Artagnan, then - it was all my fault - I can return to England, and…
Cardinal Richelieu: Milady Canterson, we have known about your affair with
d’Artagnan for a long time, and do not disapprove of it, but that’s not why
you are here. In fact, we brought you here, in order to slay Lord Buckingham,
so he won’t interfere with our planned attack of La Rochelle.
Cardinal Richelieu: I said slay - not kill. There is a difference as you
shall see.
Cardinal Richelieu: we have failed at convincing Lord Buckingham that he should refrain from
attacking us, which will cause many innocent lives to be killed and so we
have to result to take him out of the equation.
Louis XIII: here’s the deal: you will carry these three letters signed by his
eminence, by the King of England and by me, that will instruct whoever reads
them to do everything within reason to assist you in your mission. M. Athos
and M. d’Artagnan will escort you and they will protect you with your lives
if necessary.
Louis XIII: The plan is: go to your house and take the belongings you
care about; take a fast carriage to Calais and cross the channel; once in
England, find some people you know to help you find a body similar to Lord
Buckingham, find someone who will take the blame for it (your King will make
sure nothing bad happens to him), slay Lord Buckingham, and take a carriage
with him to Plymouth where you will board a ship to America, and both start
a new life. Is that clear?
Milady Kate: yes, your majesty.
[
Milady Kate, Athos and d’Artagnan leave.
]
Kate’s voice: so we did it all, despite some minor setbacks, in
part due to me bitching about the entire situation. We contacted Lord
Canterson, who volunteered one of his trusted soldiers for the job.
And travelled to Portsmouth where Lord Buckingham was about to leave.
[
Showing the cabin of Lord Buckingham. He is standing there. Adam enters with
a gun and points it at Lord Buckingham.
]
Adam: Hello, melord! I can kill you now, but I won't.
Lord Buckingham: I believe you. What is it that you want.
[
Milady Kate enters, followed by Athos, d’Artagnan and Lord Canterson who
are carrying a body.
]
Milady Kate: greetings melord - we shall travel together to Plymouth, in order
to catch a ship to the New World, where we will be a couple at least until
our arrival. Consider yourself slain and reborn.
[
Turns to face d’Artagnan
]
Milady Kate: I guess we part now.
Milady Kate: I loved you.
Milady Kate: [to Lord Buckingam] shall we? [She puts her hand in his.]
Kate’s voice: we boarded the ship and started a new life at what became the
United States of America. I kept touch with Mr. George Smith, as he was now
called for a while until he no longer needed me, and became indoctrinated as
a vampire, for whom the fact that I once slayed the 1st Duke of Buckingham
was merely an anecdote.
Kate’s voice: but this changed shortly after the publication of
The Three Musketeers in the 1840s. Having dismissed Alexandre Dumas
as a second-rate writer of popular books, I was surprised that many people
approached me in my new life as Mrs. Kate Black requesting that I shall slay
them. Eventually I found out about the novel, sent a letter to M. Dumas that
I was coming to visit him, and travelled by ship to France to meet him at
his home in Paris. This is what happened.
[
Cut to Alexandre Dumas’s Home
]
Dumas: Good morning Madame Black, I have heard so much about you,
but don’t know why you would like to meet me.
Kate: M. Dumas… I am going to kill you. Physically! For what you have done to
me.
Kate: how shall I put it? For your information, I was
was Lady Kate Canterson and…
Dumas: [interrupts her] oh, non! C’est un impossible. You are the… Real
Milady de-Winter.
Dumas: oh, this is a great honour. Where are my manners? Milady, do you want
some cake, some biscuits, some tea? I have excellent wine too. Please sit down
[Kate reluctantly sits down. Dumas is busy doing arrangement for taking care
of his guest.]
Dumas: please, tell me all about it.
[
Later on this evening.
]
Kate: [drunk] M. Dumas, you treated me really well today, but now what do
we do… about… about… about the people who ask me to slay them.
M. Dumas: [not drunk] Madame, just tell him that you no longer will slay.
That you quit being a slayer, and they should deal with their troubled
life themselves.
Kate: Mr. Dumas, sounds like a good idea. You are a very wise man for your
age. [She falls asleep.]
[
Cut to the morning. Kate is sleeping on a bed in Alexandre Dumas’s house.
birds are twittering outside and everything is pastoral.
]
Kate: [wakes up] hmm.... [hangover] ow, ow, oh! [She rises up and washes her
face.]
[
Cut to a different room in Dumas’s house, he is sitting there drinking tea.
]
Alexandre Dumas: bonjour, Madame Black. I see you slept well.
Alexandre Dumas: I enjoyed hearing your story last night.
Kate: and I was happy to tell it. [She pours some water and drinks it.]
Thanks for the hospitality. And for the useful piece of advice which I
now recall.
Alexandre Dumas: you are welcome, Madame.