[Note: This screenplay was written by Shlomi Fish, and is original artwork.]
[This screenplay is made available under the
Attribution-Noncommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported Licence (CC-by-nc-sa)
(or at your option - any later version). In addition, the originator permits
derived or inclusive work to be featured on web-sites with web commercials (but
not other commercial use).]
[ A stormy night in the mountains; their dark shadows are towering in all
directions. The camera rotates to the left to reveal the dark silhouette of a
castle. It focuses on it. A lightning bolt strikes it. ]
A Distant Voice from the castle’s top: No, it didn’t do.
[ The lightning strikes again. ]
Voice: One more try.
[ The lightning strikes again and a torch is lightened on the castle’s roof. ]
Voice: That’s it.
[ After a few seconds the camera shows a man wearing a dark suit looking over
a large window. The room is lit by a fireplace, which causes the shadow of
the man to flicker.]
Dark man (Mordox): I thank you for agreeing to come here from your distant
base, oh great Warlock Galku. You’ve acquired quite a reputation for yourself
and I believe you’re just what I need. I think your objective is obvious. In
fact, I give you three guesses to guess why I summoned you here.
Galku (who is out of the frame): One: The Blue Rabbit’s Adventuring Company.
Two: The Blue Rabbit’s Adventuring Company, and three: both of the above.
Mordox: Exactly, now I understand you specialise in getting rid of such …
Galku: Yes, it is my speciality to neutralise such characters who prevent
raising your ambitious evil projects.
Mordox: What did you say?
Galku: I said I get rid of such characters who prevent raising your evil
Mordox: You said my projects are evil? How dare you! My projects are in no way
Galku: Then what are they?
Mordox: They are just incredibly selfish and totally inconsiderate of everybody
else’s welfare and interests.
Galku: I couldn’t define “evil” better myself.
Mordox: Did I get you here to write a dictionary of the English language?
Galku: No, but as a matter of fact I am writing one myself, as a hobby. The
last word I wrote the definition for was “evidently”, and I think the next word
Mordox: Cut it out! Now, where were we?
Galku: I just said it is my speciality to get rid of characters who prevent
raising your incredibly selfish and totally inconsiderate of everybody else’s
welfare and interests projects.
Mordox: Yes, those so-called adventurers have interfered with my plans for a
long time. What will I tell you? They ran into every one of my recent projects
and messed with them so badly, I could count what was left from every one with
one finger. They are too stupid to realize they put themselves in danger, but
since they’ve got more luck than brains they seem to get out of it just fine.
+++: The worst thing about them is that they are the player characters, so the
Game Master is on their side!
[ At this point the floor starts shaking. The camera moves backwards to reveal
Galku, and a big crack is starting to form between the two.]
Galku: Quick! Take back what you just said or the Game Master will do something
Mordox: Oh, OK. Even though they are the player characters the GM doesn’t seem
to treat them any different and is very fair and objective.
[ The room stops trembling but the crack remains. ]
Galku: I think the crack adds a nice touch. [and leaps to Mordox’s side.]
Mordox: Now, what were you planning to do about those … eh … disturbances.
Galku: Well, I figured it would be too difficult to get them killed. However,
since, as far as I know, The Blue Rabbit Adventuring Company does not posses
an inherent teleportation ability, it would be just as useful to relocate them
to a place where they would not be troublesome.
Mordox: And how are you going to do it?
Galku: Well, I happen to have a one-way portal, which I borrowed from the great
Mordox: The same Pinky who created the spells “Pinky’s Clapping Hands”,
“Pinky’s Wonderful Automatic Drummer”, “Pinky’s Anti-Bureaucratic Pounding
Fist” and “Pinky’s Extraordinary Tickling Fingers?”
Galku: The very one! Anyway, with this port, if properly disguised, we’ll be
able to send the “Blue Rabbits” on a one way trip to a place, thousand of
kilometres away from anywhere remotely civilized.
Mordox: I love the sound of it. Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha
[starts laughing loudly and Galku joins him. The camera rotates in a circular
path to the right, and eventually reveals a large crystal blue. The crystal
ball is showing a funny cartoon, and the two men are pointing at it and
[ TODO : The players gather for the session. The camera shows the middle of
the game table; about 80% of the table area is shown. We hear the players and
stuff like that. The session takes place in the home of one of the players.
The right-lower corner of the screen shows the time display. At the beginning
it reads “10:00 – Schedule Time”. The player puts on a CD, and the same song
plays throughout the entire stuff. Various players come in at different
The clock shows various stuff: like several players talking gossip, or playing
a computer game. Two players are making a contest to see who spins a die for
the longest time.
Eventually the clock says: “10:54:37 – Schedule time plus the Epstein-Steinberg
constant”. A few seconds afterwards, the last player rings on the door.
After the end of that frame the game commences.
[ A crowded pub in the role-played world. The Blue Rabbits enter.]
Clover: OK, now that our horses are in the stable, we can get some rest. [Hands
some coins to the pub-man] Meals and drinks for the six of us.
Guy sitting on a stool at the bar (Guy #1): Hey, I think I recognise you. You’re The
Blue Rabbit Adventuring company, right?
Clover: Yes, we are. [Does a rudimentary bow.] Clover, at your service!
Guy #1: Hell, I ain’t need your service!
Guy #2: Yeah, we don’t need no adventurers’ service here.
Guy #1: Yeah, problem with adventurers - they are trouble makers. They create
troubles where none exist before so they can solve them later.
Guy #2: Yeah! [And he shakes mugs with Guy #1.]
Bryte: Oh come on, you know that’s not true. We’re good guys, it’s just that
there are plenty of dangers in this world - monsters, people with an
evil alignment, dragons - but we’re the good guys. Honest.
Guy #1: If you say so. [Laughs and cheers with Guy #2 again]
Rupert: Speaking of good guys, how would you people like to listen to a few
songs I wrote during our last heroic venture.
The entire bar: “no”, “not really”, “let’s skip it.”
Rupert: [Insulted.] OK, then.
Clover: OK, here is our food.
[ They start to eat, but then they hear a loud noise from outside, and
everybody gather to the window.
They see huge flames in the night’s sky at a distance, with many noises of
explosions and then a loud mad laughter sound with an evil grinning face in
the sky, and afterwards everything stops.
The entire pub is hysterical.]
Clover: That’s quite alright - it’s nothing we cannot handle. We’re
adventurers after all.
[ cut to Klaria - she is filing her nails.]
Klaria: Yes, we solve problems, whether those that we created, or in this
case - that we didn’t.
Clover: Yeah, just tell us what’s in the direction of those noises and stuff.
Guy #1: If you must ask, we will tell you: in that direction there is the
ancient and haunted castle of Mephorbios.
Guy #2: Yes, rumour has it that it is the lair of goblins and orcs, and the
residence of terrifying creatures.
+++: Mothers here forbid their children from getting near it, and rumour
has it that no one who ventured deep inside it has ever returned.
Bryte: Well, if my name is, ahmmm... Bryte, then we will not rest until
we find out what lies there. And either we return…
Rupert: Or we won’t.
Clover: OK, first thing’s next morning.
[ The Blue Rabbits are recruiting non-player characters.]
Blor: I have a great invention.
Klaria: What is it?
Blor: It’s an automatic crossbow
Klaria: Really? How do you call it.
Blor: The machine-bow.
Clover: Can you demonstrate it?
[ Blor stands on a rock next to a chasm, ignites his machine-bow and start
shooting arrows all over the place. The animals get scared, and eventually the
camera shows some Smurfs who are talking in a muffled tone, and pointing at
Blor. They call Handy Smurf and he diverts a stream to wash the rock’s standing
Afterwards, the rock gets carried away on the mud because of the
counter-momentum from the arrows. It eventually falls over a cliff with Blor
on it. Blor is hanging by his machine-bow’s string of arrows.]
[Mordox disappears. The Blue Rabbits arrive. Bryte sees Galku who tries to
look innocent, but Bryte rushes to him and lifts him up in the air.]
Clover: You, where’s Mordox? Tell us what you know!
Galku: What are you looking at me? I’m completely innocent!
+++: See no incredible selfishness and total in-consideration of everybody
else’s welfare and interests. Hear no incredible selfishness and total
in-consideration of everybody else’s welfare and interests.
Bryte: You mean “See no evil - hear no evil”?
Galku: I knew it was a good definition!