The Muppets’ Show (The Next Incarnation) about Harry Potter

About this screenplay

[ The Muppets’ Show (The Next Incarnation) About Harry Potter

Note: This screenplay was written by Shlomi Fish, and is original artwork. ]

[ Abstract: Harry and Hermione are on a mission to vanquish “He who must not be named 2” a.k.a The Amazing Mumford, who is a very deadly Dark Arts magician, who annoys everyone to death. ]

[ This text is Copyright by Shlomi Fish, 2014 and is made available under the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 Unported Licence (CC-by-nc-sa) (or at your option - any later version). ]

Harry and Hermione’s Mission

[ J. K. Rowling (= “JKR”) is sitting among children, adults, and muppets, telling a new story. ]

JKR: Today I’m going to tell you a new story about Harry Potter and Hermione, which happens sometimes at the present day. Hope you enjoy it.

[ The crowd says “Yay!”. ]

JKR: Harry and Hermione were having a friendly dinner in a restaurant…

[ Cut to the restaurant with Harry and Hermione (played by their original actors) sitting and chatting. ]

Harry: It’s good to meet you again here, Hermione. How’s old Ron doing?

Hermione: Oh he’s fine. How’s the Mrs.?

Harry: She’s doing fine. Things have been relatively quiet after old Voldemort’s demise, but we ought not to rest on our Laurels.

Hermione: no, we should not.

[ A waitress arrives with their order. ]

Waitress: [To Hermione] Here is your tea and crumpets, madame.

Hermione: Thank you! [Puts sugar in her tea , and drops her spoon to the floor.]

Hermione: Oh, never mind, I can use my wand. [Uses the wand to physically stir the tea.]

Waitress: And here is your Sushi, sir.

Harry: Many thanks. I never like the chopsticks that the restaurant provides so I think I’ll take my wand and the matching one I got from Voldemort and… [Eats the Sushi with the two wands as chopsticks.]

JKR’s voice: And shortly after that, Harry and Hermione saw someone very much like the late Dumbledore.

[ Dumbledore Two who looks like Cookie Monster with a Dumbledore-like hat appears. ]

[ Harry and Hermione look at him with amazement. ]

Harry & Hermione: Dumbledore?

Dumbledore Two: No, me is his successor: Dumbledore Two.

[ He takes a 2-like number from behind his back. After a short while, he eats it. ]

Dumbledore Two: Num num num… delicious!

Dumbledore Two: In any case, Harry, Hermione, it is your mission to fight “He who must not be named Two”.

Harry: Really, who is he?

Dumbledore Two: His name is The Amazing Mumford and he is an evil dark arts’ wizard, whose magic is so awful that people are annoyed and wish to die. You must seek and destroy him.

Hermione: I see. But why did you spell out his name if he must not be named?

Dumbledore Two: Me didn’t say who must not name him.

Dumbledore Two: Farewell, and good luck.

[ Dumbledore Two disappears in a puff of smoke. ]

The Beautiful Assistant

The Amazing Mumford: And for my next trick, I will require a beautiful assistant.

Harry: Mr. Mumford, I hereby propose my friend, the beautiful Hermione.

Hermione: Ahem… actually I kinda have a bad hair day today, so I think your assistant should be the beautiful Harry (Potter!) here.

Harry: Very well, in that case, I shall be the beautiful assistant.

Miss Piggy: Stand back, Mister!

Harry: What?

Miss Piggy: I am going to be the most beautiful assistant. (She flicks her hair.)

[ Harry and Hermione look at her in amazement. ]

Harry: Yes, it is obvious that this pig is the most beautiful person for miles.

Miss Piggy: Indeed. Candice Swanepoel ain’t got nothing on… Moi!

[ TODO : Add:

1. Spoof of The miller, his son and the donkey called "The magician, his son, his daughter, and the donkey." with Hermione and Harry Potter and with Donkey from Shrek. ]

The Magician, His Son, His Daughter, and the Donkey

JKR’s voice: Today I’m going to tell you an old tale - a fable - about the Magician…

[ Shows The Amazing Mumford. ]

JKR’s voice: his son…

[ Shows Harry Potter. ]

JKR’s voice: his daughter…

[ Shows Hermione. ]

JKR’s voice: and their donkey.

[ Shows Donkey from Shrek. ]

Donkey: Yo, Let’s Go - I’m dying here.

JKR’s voice: One day they decided to go to the market to shop for some groceries. So they walked [Shows them walking.] and then ran into a few people who criticised them.

[ Human-Like Muppets ]

People: Look at them they have a donkey and they do not utilise it.

JKR’s voice: The Magician, his son, his daughter, and the donkey, consulted between themselves what to do. [They huddle in a circle.]

[ Harry Potter and Hermione get on Donkey, and they contain. ]

Donkey: Yo, Harry, Hermione, You think it’s easy carrying you both! You’re killing me here. That’s not the way to treat a talking donkey.

JKR’s voice: And they ran into more critics.


“Do It All With Love”

[ Paul McCartney sings a modernised version of “All You Need Is Love” titled “Do It All With Love” - same music - different lyrics - accompanied by the Muppets’ band and the episode’s cast and audience. ]

Song Lyrics: Everything you do, really should be done
Everything you can sing, ought to be sung
You can say a lot, but remember one thing,
It’s easy

Song Lyrics: Everything you make, was well-made,
Many people in the world that you have saved,
Anything you do is something that is yours and everyone's
It’s easy

Chorus: Do it all with love
Do it all with love
Do it all with love, love
Love in all you do!

Song Lyrics: You will know a lot that wasn't known
You will see a lot that wasn't shown
Everywhere you'll be is where you're meant to be
It’s easy.

Chorus: Do it all with love
Do it all with love
Do it all with love, love
Love in all you do!