* The Master - "Call me 'Karl'". - "I always thought the Master would be Karl the Great" - "You're Charlemagne, admit it." - "Idiot, you've discovered my identity and I shall now parish. Selina Mandrake - I have been slain by you." - his soul leaves his body. - Selina touches his corpse with her foot and the body evaporates into dust. - The crowd cheers. * "You now must slay The Rider, the Vampirella with the oldest body ; the Integrator, the Vampire with the same body and same soul ; and The Slayer, the first vampire to have slain." * "Only a Vampire can slay a vampire, and vampirellas are the most formidable slayers." * "Tell you what - I'm no longer The Slayer. I quit" - The Guide: "As you wish." - A crazy looking woman heads into their direction with a knife in her hands. - Selina freaks out and hides behind the Guide. - The Guide pulls out a cross bow and shoots the woman in her heart and she evaporates into dust. - "That was the Slayer" - "Selina: so you slew her?" - "The Guide: no, you did." * The Guide gives Selina a gift in a fancy chest. The first compartment contains a very stylised 1d10 die, and after opening the other compartment, she sees a plastic card saying "Vampire" on the side, with her ID photo, and saying: «Selina Mandrake ; "buffy" ; The Dispeller» on the other side. * The two British vampires. - Selina is doing her maths homework at the library. - "I'm Alan. I'm John. We're Mighty Vampires." - "Selina Mandrake. Mighty Pirate.". - The start talking about various pop culture stuff and funny things. - end up emulating the suicide squad from "Life of Brian". - with unsharpened pencils. - "Selina Mandrake - we have been slain by you.". * The vampires in the hall: - Selina tells them that they are likely the good guys and should stand for themselves. - "Vampires of the World, Unite!" - They agree that she is right. - Someone suggests they do a group exercise. - "Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah" (like Steve Ballmer's "Developers, developers, developers"). - Selina says that the religious students in her school will not appreciate that and tries to turn it off. - Meanwhile, the vampires take a stake, and stab themselves in their heart, causing all of them to evaporate into dust. - Selina turns off the music and goes to clean up the dust. * The plot plan: - The Two British Vampires - The demon walking in the park with the long neck. - "You are past redemption" - "And you have ruined my newspaper." - The Three. - three young men dressed as Klingons who fight with http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bat%27leth - approach Selina, say “Hail the Slayer! We are your humble slaves.” - three vampire brother warriors since the dawn of time - klingon ones. - exist everywhere. - Selina: "Why are you klingons on earth?" - they don't know. - whatever. - can fight using any weapon - past or present and are masters at it. - conjure the Huge sword. - silly overlarged swords as featured in World-of-WarCraft. - cannot lift them. - Selina asks them to use something smaller and not as heavy. - “A dagger or a cutlass or whatever” - they think for a moment and say then can do much better with the "smallest yet deadliest possible weapon a vampire warrior can have: the wooden toothpick." - Selina asks them if they have watched too much Sesame street: - the Three: “of course, every mighty Klingon warrior has watched Sesame Street” - Selina: “Mighty Klingon vampire warriors who have watched Sesame Street! This decade royally sucks!” - Selina: “fine, I don't care that you're going to slay yourself using toothpicks, despite claiming to be the greatest fighters in history - you brought it on yourself. Just do it here on the trail where no one will care about the dust from your bodies." - They slay themselves. - Selina gets a mobile phone call. - Selina: "oh, the usual, a good day for some ‘Klingons’ I met to die" - “I am glad you are amused.” - “BTW, I believe we can never truly appreciate Sesame Street until we have watched it in the original Klingon.” - Jessica laughs. - Jessica: “Sel, you’re getting really strange recently” - Selina: tell me about that. - Selina's birthday party. - She was born in 20 February. - Mephiqoleth - A small, non-human demon with "powerful mystical powers". - Selina asks him what to put on his name tag, and he tells her “Mephiqoleth”. She asks him how he spells it and he says: "my name is written in Leshon Haqodesh (לשון הקודש). - “You mean Hebrew?” - Yes. I'm Jewish - But you're not human. - "There are Jews of many species". - Selina: oh good, can I have a Jewish lady cat? I want one so she can mother cute Jewish kittens. - Mephiqoleth is not amused. - "Selina, you are now eight and ten years old - you are now a woman." - She asks him to wait for spring break so she'll have enough time to prepare - Teleports her to The Amber, the mystical centre of the universe. - The Amber being a villa in Northern Tel Aviv. - The Mendelssohn household. - Selina goes on more trip to Israel. - She ends up showing a photo shootout of her trip to her friend. - Selina says she isn't convinced this is the Amber. - "My slayer went to Israel and all I got was this lousy T-shirt" souvenir T-shirt. - Meleyum is slain by her. - The congregation of vampires in the hall. - The Master. - Turns out to be http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlemagne - Karl the Great - After Selina discovers it, he promptly gets slain, his soul leaves his body. - Selina touches the body with her foot and it evaporates into dust. - The scene with the guide who tells her she must now slay the Rider, the Integrator and the Slayer. - Selina quits as the Slayer. - Gift - Summer vacation + start of university studies. - cuniform. - The scene with Moses and Aharon - Meeting Milady Kate Canterson - Selina likes being the dispeller. - Selina claims she would rather be herself than a label/profile/"god"/The-something/etc. - discussing the demise of the Bajoran reliance on the prophets. - Selina asks Mosheh, Aharon and Kate for help with her cuniform homework. - they help her - End