The Essence of the Q Continuum
[
Quark's conference room. Q is there, as is a stranger middle-aged-looking
woman. All the cast is there including Quark and his brother. Jake, Dax and
Bashir enter.
]
Q: greetings, commander - have a seat, make yourself at home, and meet Q2
("Queue-Two").
Q2: my pleasure. I am indeed Q2.
Jake: is there also Q3 and Q4?
Sisko: in any case - why do you want to see us?
Q: I have a question for you: as you know, I am omnipotent. Now: can I
write a computer program that determines if any other computer program
terminates or not?
Dax: the Turing theorem...
Sisko: yes, Commander, I know. This has logically proven to be impossible,
and the proof is very simple. So you cannot do it unless you can somehow
change logic.
Q: and can I, being a Q and all?
[
Silence for a moment.
]
Sisko: I don't think you can. I think it is inconcevieable to think you can
change logic. In fact, I don't think you are omnipotent. I just think you
appear omnipotent to us, because you are such an advanced lifeform or even just
have a sufficiently advanced technology.
Sisko: In fact, for all I know you may be a humanoid.
Q: Captain Sisko - I'm always amazed at how stupid your race is, and how much
wrong you can be.
Jake: you mean - you can change logic?
Q: oh no. This time you were right. Yes, I am not omnipotent. I am only very
technologically advanced. And and yes, I am a humanoid.
Sisko: I suppose you belong to the human master-race that created all other
races.
Sisko: so how old are you?
Q: I'll be about 6.5 milliard terran years next September.
Sisko: so I gather your race has conquered death.
Q: death and most other things.
Bashir: if I may interrupt, it has always been my observation that death
is completely unnecessary, and that our society could have eliminated
it a long time ago.
Sisko: may I inquire who Q2 is?
Q2: I am in fact the oldest organism that never died. I am about 40 milliard
years old.
Dax: that's a long time before the big bang.
Q2: oh the "Big Bang". We don't call it that. The big bang was in fact an
explosion of a massive black hole. But it's not the first time it happened and
not the last. We have some great videos of it.
[
Dax and Jake are smiling and giggling
]
Q2: in any case, I have eventually converted to a human form when I joined the
Q Continuum.
Sisko: very interesting - most interesting. In any case, I've just been
messaged by Captain Krand of the Othello Task Force that he wishes us to
inspect his ship, before he lets his crew have shore leave. And while this
fascinates me, I need to juggle some priorities as well.
Q: actually, I suggest we meet in an hour at the holo-deck, I have some
things to show you there [shows a module].
Quark: ahmm... Mister Q, the holo-decks require some payment to use.
Q: no problem, here are two bars of Gold-pressed Latinum. [gives to him]
[
Cut to Sisko, Dax, Bashir and Jake
]
Sisko: Dax, Bashir, will you go and check on OTF?
Jake: ah, Dad, can I join them?
Sisko: I don't see why not, sure, go along.
History of the Q Continuum
[
Cut to Quark's Holodeck - everyone is there.
]
Q: Greetings people. I have given Quark a holodeck module - nothing special
about it for a demonstration. What you're about to see happened in my
race's home planet over 6 milliard years ago. We just broke up from the reign
of an empire called the "Ivrim". They were not too good and not too bad.
As such we adopted their language, only with many errors.
Q: precisely.
Q: Anyway, we also had another language, universal among our continent which
we called Énglish. It was just like modern English only pronounced
phonetically. Rather hideous. This language was considered holy - everyone
knew it, but people were afraid to talk in it. It was reserved for the
"perophets", who were people who talked with the "Bey-de-jor-eans", who
were our gods.
Sisko: hmmpppf indeed. How come all these co-incidences?
Q: the Universe is co-incidential, Captain, for some reasons which even we
don't fully understand yet. And for the record, even we were preceded by
different human races, etc.
Q: in any case, there was this relatively mature man in our time called
Noahh who had three sons.
Katie: Shem, Hham and Yepheth? [in Modern Hebrew pronouncation]
Q: you guessed it. He was a quirky, paranoid fellow. At one point he sensed
a storm coming, and believed that the world was coming to an end. So he, his
wife, his sons, and all of his livestock travelled up a nearby mountain, and
waited for the storm to end. [Pictures are shown]
Q: When the storm ended, he went down to the nearby village, and saw that
while there was a lot of damage, it was perfectly fine. However,
he claimed that it was high time to put an end to such problems, to end
having to depend on natural whims, that our society will flourish.
Q: I was there: my name was indeed "Que" and I was considered a strange
nomad, who just happened to be there. I decided to take upon myself
the establishment of the [in Énglish] "civilisation" instead of the
many different [in Énglish] "cultures".
Q: Now there were many kids in the village who seemed to be amused by that.
One thing was that they often had trouble pronouncing "Shem"'s name with
a "Sh" sound and instead used "S" - Sem. People found it annoying,
but the children couldn't care less.
Q: Back then, writing systems were still hideously complex, and no one used
them. So I told the kids to come up with a good writing system. They
decided to collect 26 symbols of the signature signs of some people
in the village, and figure out a way to write using it.
Q: Eventually they invited us all to a presentation.
[
The holo-deck shows a long shot of an Énglishtant field. One kid is
showing up the Latin alphabet
]
Énglish Boy: Aa, Ba, Tsa, Da, É, Fa, Ga, Ha, I [= Ee], Ja [as in French],
Ka, La, Ma, Na, O, Pa, Qua, Ra, Sa, Ta, U, Va, Wa, Xa [= Kha], Ya, Za
[
Then he points to a sign saying
"THÉ NÉO TÉCH CONSPIRACY FOR ÉSTABLISHING THÉ SÉMITIC CULTURÉ"
]
Énglish Boy: tehe ne-o-te-tse-heh konspeerasi for establishing te-he
semeeteec cooltooré!
Q: [interrupting. ] The people were mad, he mispronounced Shem's name. He
formed a conspiracy, and he wanted to establish yet another culture.
Kids: Haqol Qara! Haqol Qara
Q in the holodeck: The voice has called. The voice has called.
Q in the Énglishtant scene: Haku rega! Ooooof!
[
Eventually he steps on a mound saying:
]
Q in the Énglishtant scene: Qara Ma Sheqara, yiqreh ma sheyiqreh, haqol qoré
liph'amim!
Q in the holodeck: what I said was ambigious in Hebrew. Let's say it means
"He called what he called. Whatever will happen - will happen. The voice
calls sometimes."
[
In the Énglishtant scene, everybody have fallen silent. Then a small boy starts
calling
]
Small boy: Q Gadol! Q Gadol! Q Gadol!
[
Everyone joins him, they carry Q on their hands until an even larger hill
and puts him there.
]
Q: [in Énglish] Vampires of the world - unite! These kids have invented the
Aa-Ba-Tsa, which will make writing easy. I want an Aa-Ba-Tsa for Hebrew, too.
I want something to facilitate calculations. And let's tell the world about
it. I want it all, and I want it now!
Q: [in the holodeck] three days after this, some people invented the decimal
system. We sent delegates to other villages and countries bringing the news of
the Alphabet and all our other discoveries and decisions. Eventually, I found
the Énglish pronouncation too tedious, so I asked people to make a better one.
And someone came up with modern English.
Q: we advanced quickly. A year later we already had steam. We discovered our
planet was round, and circled the globe within 10 years. We defined a
constitution, and founded mass-production and the free market. I kept asking
for more and more challenges to accomplish. Here is what happened after 40
years:
[
The holodeck shows Q standing on the hill where he had given the speech
holding a flag. There's a large crowd and many cameras are visible. He then
moves to the right and sticks the flag somewhere else.
]
Vision Q: [in modern English] Vampires of the world - we are united! 40 years
ago I stood there [points to the top of the hill] and decided to form an
encompassing civilisation for our entire planet. Today, I can say we have been
succesful.
Vision Q: We've already been extending our lives incrementally by large
differeneces. But it will be nice to find a way to remain young
forever. So this is the next Q task. And another one is to conquer the
stars. So go to work! [The crowd cheers]
Holodeck Q: we conquered the stars and spread across the galaxy. Within 400
years, we encircled the galaxy in one go using this ship [Shown a very old
and antiquated ship].
Q: At that point we were approached by the Alpha Continuum. They sent Q2 here
[Q2 blushes] to greet us.
Q2: I'll take it from here. It took the Énglishtants 400 years from the
invention of the Alphabet till the circling of the Galaxy. 400 years for
a Carbon-based lifeform was a record that was not broken ever or since. I
informed Q that the Alpha Continuum provided the Énglishtants with protection
against pre-mature deaths, and gave other services that Continuums give.
Q2: Q informed me that since his race had been so succesful, he has decided
to form their own Continuum - the Q Continuum. After some thinking, I told
him that I would join the Q Continuum, as an act of appreciation for them
being so competent and determined.
Sisko: so I understand that the Q Continuum is not the first Continuum to
have been span-off the Alpha Continuum.
Sisko: I see.
Sisko: Q: so you've misled us to believe you were the most uncooperative
being in existence, while in fact projecting the greatest cooperative
project in the history of the universe?
Q: well, for some values of "greatest". See: I used to be a simple common
organism. But six and a half milliard years later and a lot of technological
advancement have made me much less dependent on other people's whims.
Q: I appear rather blazé and always have been to some extent. But I still
don't wish to die now or never. Technology can give you many things,
but we high-order Q's still find a lot of joy in a walk in the woods,
or in tasty food, or in the little joys of life. We're still human,
after all.
Q: in any case, fast forward to the present - this happened about 20 days ago.
[
The holodeck shows a very large hall crowded with millions of different
humanoids. Three gigantic strips of light on the ceiling are lighted one after
the other, from the closest to the farthest. Then the whole hall is lit.
There are Nazi flags on the wall, and a gigantic Swastika above the stage. Q
is standing there.
]
Q: [shouting] My name is Q!! I saved you all!! You've had the misfortune or
folly to die, but don't worry - you're still alive. You will be relocated to a
different planet and a different galaxy. And you can thank me for it!
Q: Meanwhile, here's some background music:
Fergey's Voice: Rip it, mama!
[
Music starts playing.
]
[
Cut to the people at the holo-deck - they are amused and seem like they
find it hard to believe.
]
Q: anyway, we would like to invite those of you who would like it,
to come with us to the headquarters of the Q Continuum.
Dax: I would be delighted.
Katie: me too! me too!
Katie: I mean: so do I! so do I!
Bashir: I'd like to come to.
Kira: hold your horses, people! We do not know what possible dangers
lurk in the Q Continuum. If you are indeed going to go then I and other
security officers must escort you.
Katie: Major, I think you overestimate the danger. This is Q after all. If
he wanted, we would all be dead now.
Katie: He could hurl this entire space station directly into the Bajorean sun.
Katie: he could spread our atoms evenly in the entire galaxy.
Sisko: that's enough, Miss Jacobson! OK, Major, you can escort these people.
Q: would it be OK if my crew took their phasers with them?
Q: their phasers? Of course. They can also bring some photon torpedoes if they
wish. None of them will work, but I don't mind them taking them.
Quark: speaking of technology, I'd like to tag along and film the entire trip.
I sense a huge business potential to this, and would be willing to give the
rest of you 10% of the profits.
Katie: Captain Sisko, are you coming?
Sisko: I'm afraid I'm not. I'll stay here and keep an eye on the space station.
You kids go along.
Jake: I'd like to go too.
Jake: thanks. Katie, why don't you have a phaser?
Katie: a phaser? Oh... I'm all for the right to bear arms and all, but I hate
these things. My job does not require me to carry one anyway.
Q: anyone else would like to come with us?
Odo: I guess I'll also join you.
Q2: OK, cool. We'll let you kids do last minute arrangement and we'll meet
here in 45 minutes. Meanwhile I'll have a drink.
Q: I could use one too. Quark, how much would that be?
Quark: two drinks would be two strips of gold-pressed Latinum.
Quark: However, Mr. Q., I recall you saying you could provide me with 1 million
pieces of gold-pressed Latinum.
Q: that's nothing, Mr. Quark. I can conjour a ball made out of gold-pressed
Latinum the size of a red giant. Of course, it will quickly implode into
a nasty blackhole. Nothing we can't handle of course, but still.
[
Cut to Quark - he is speechless and looks astonished.
]
Q: But two strips should be enough - there you go.
In the Q Continuum Headquarters
[
Title: The Q Continuum Headquarters
]
Dax: I think so. Yes, everyone's here.
Q2: OK - please don't be alarmed as the surroundings changes incrementally.
It's a trick we do to make the teleportation change easier.
[
The sorroundings change and eventually change to a well-lit large room.
There's a large window to the left.
]
Dax: so I presume that's part of the Q Continuum headquarters? According to
this tricorder we seem to be on a completely different galaxy. A different
galaxy cluster even.
[
Katie, Jake and other people approach the window
]
Katie: wow! It's beautiful.
[
View of the Q Continuum planet - there are several tall white buildings
none of which obscure the views. They are shaped like a trumpet, and there
are robots going up and down their tall parts.
There is a lot of trees and forests intermingled. There are large roads made
of very clean stone, with some alien life forms, most resembling mammals
walking in between them.
]
Kira: [unethusiastically] impressive, I say.
Dax: well back to our business. Is there anything we're looking here?
Q: Sure. Amanda, please come here.
Amanda: greetings people.
Katie: wait a second - she looks like...
Dax: yes, you're the honour student that was identified as a Q on a USS
Enterprise mission.
Amanda: that is indeed the case. As you see my parents - both human - had to
return to the Q Continuum and decided to leave me on Earth (as a normal human
baby) because some of them Terran friends became attached to me.
Dax: and I suppose your parents missed you?
[
1st level Q: A conscious organism.
2nd level Q: A vampire - capable of living forever.
3rd level Q: An immortal - cannot be killed.
4th level Q: capable of teleporting within the same planet.
5th level Q: capable of any teleportation.
6th level Q: capable of teleporting himself and others.
]
Amanda: that too, and they decided to meet me. So I was temporarily EnQed to
a very high Q level, and then decided to come here. I met my parents and
decided to start my road as a "Q" here. Right now, I'm a sixth level Q, and
trying to slowly become more confident in not abusing my powers. Great power
requires great responsibility.
Amanda: yep. A Q that is capable of teleporting himself and others.
Katie: I see. What's a first-level Q?
Q2: a first level Q is any conscious organism. A second level Q is a
"vampire" - an organism that doesn't die. A third level Q is an "immortal"
- an organism that cannot be killed.
Dax: and what about that woman of the humanoid master-race (the
Énglishtants, I presume) told us about the master race dying and
all?
Q: oh that. That was The Symbol [pronounced "Té Symbol"]...
Katie: The Symbol, wait a second! [checks her laptop]. Hmmm... a very powerful
sourceres in the Forgotten Realms world; an omni-potent goddess in the Plarian
mythology; and the list goes on.
Dax: so she is one of your most powerful Q's.
Q: The Symbol? Hardly! She is in fact an old technophobe that after all the
milliards year is still only a 3rd level Q, and relies on us for transportation.
She's a bit distressed from always being considered a practically omni-potent
being.
Q: In any case, she is considered the oldest Énglishtant (not
quite accurate, but still), and has been the "T" in our alphabet.
Displaying that message around the galaxy was her idea. But it was a
simplification.
Bashir: ah hah. By the way, Q2, I would be interested to know what was your
original form like?
Q2: you can certainly know. Look here [points to a screen].
[
The screen shows a large number of Opposum-like creatures on a Jungle-like
sorrounding, eventually going to a city.
]
Q2: indeed. I still miss it in a way. Giving birth as "an opposum" is very
painless. In my human forms, after the third time I gave birth, I couldn't
take it anymore and instead used artificial pregnancies.
Bashir: wow! I think I know what to do to implement exactly that...
Worf: that's enough, Doctor.
Dax: Don't be too uptight, Commander.
Q2: in any case, I'll leave you kids for now.
Q2: no. Busy people are unproductive. We are very productive and so we're
never busy. But I need some rest, and think I'm no longer needed here. Q
can always find me.
Q2: meanwhile, you'll probably want to meet the living dead.
[she leaves through the door].
Q: the living dead. People whom you believed to be dead, while in fact being
relocated to a different galaxy, fully living there. Is there anyone specific
you'd like to meet?
Katie: can I go first? [enthusiastically]
Dax: sure you can, Katie!
Katie: I'd like to meet the big 20th-21st century UNIX hackers. You know,
Ken Thompson, Dennis Ritchie, Linus [= Lee-nos] Torvalds, Richard Stallman,
Larry Wall - the works.
Q: that is doable. Is it OK with you people?
Quark: and I smell a huge business potential for a movie with them featured
in.
Amanda: done then, let's go.
The UNIX Hackers and the Planet of the Hebrew
[
The scenery gradually changes until they appear in a campus of a university
with modern buildings styled like a Mexican village.
]
Jake: yeah, looks that way!
Dax: as a matter of fact no - we're still in the same (and different) galaxy
cluster, but on a different galaxy. This isn't Earth.
Q: Welcome to the Planet of the Hebrews.
Jake: planet of the Jews?
Q: I said "Hebrews" not "Jews". These include many ancient Hebrew-speaking
people: Kna'ani, Phoenician, Edomi, Amoni, Midyani, etc. And yes - Israelites
and Jews.
Q: It is one of the Q Continuum's Themed Planets.
Katie: way cool! Can I go here when I die?
Amanda: OK, but let's continue. Here - please enter: [and she opens a door]
[
They enter individually into a large well-lit room. Several well-known
present-day UNIX programmers are sitting there to the front and the left
of the camera next to QWERTY keyboards and computer screens.
]
Amanda: hi all. Remember how I told you about the mission from your original
Galaxy? Then here they are.
Ken Thompson: hi all! Welcome, we're always happy to have some visitors.
Working on the computer all day long, or chatting about the same things with
ourselves for over 400 years gets a bit repetitive really quickly.
[
Some of the missionaries laugh
]
Linus Torvalds: Ken, do you always have to tell this joke?
Ken Thompson: at least it's new material for everybody who hears it the first
time. Seriously now: we didn't get bored here, but a nice change of scenery
is always good. We, the living dead, thrive on fresh meat.
Linus: And freshmeat-dot-net.
Katie: heh. Man, this is so exciting. Just out of curiosity - what are you
doing here? Hacking on the code of the universe?
Larry Wall: well, we're still negotiating with God about that, but he's a
tough negotiator and won't let's us near the damn thing. Security by obscurity
considerations or something like that.
Larry Wall: However, we're working on the next best thing - the source of the
Q Continuum.
Linus: here - check it out:
[
The camera zooms to show an electrical circuit-like diagram which looks
very messy.
]
Katie: what the hell is this?
Linus: 1,367 bits processors with a large number of 245 bits processor
slaves...
Katie: but that's not even a power-of-2?
Linus: it's not. Everything is written in assembly. Very interesting
assembly. Instructions range in size from 1 bit (the No-op) to several
thousands of bits.
Ken: you should be thankful they are still using bits and not some other
base system. Or that they had assembly.
Linus: yes, it is pretty hideous. Now we're re-implementing it using more
modern, and more sane, technologies.
