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NSA Facts

The NSA are the United States’ National Security Agency, a cryptologic intelligence agency.

NSA Facts

  • The NSA don’t publish. They perish.

  • The NSA employs the largest number of mathematicians with Ph.Ds. And the most stupid and incompetent ones.

  • The NSA has a patent for an efficient process for collecting a lot of information and doing nothing with it.

  • The Bajoran scholars have positively identified Benjamin Sisko as The Emissary. They also positively identified the NSA headquarters as The Dungeon.

  • One of Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s episodes took place in the NSA headquarters, but had to be destroyed, because all of the test audience had uncontrollable panic attacks.

  • The NSA knows what you did last summer. But no one, in the NSA or outside it, knows why they should.

  • The more the NSA think, the less they want to be able to think. So they think less and less.

  • With the NSA’s budget you would expect evil to be extinct by now. (Kika)

  • Think of the most incompetent organisation possible. The NSA would be more even more incompetent than that.

  • The NSA headquarters are the unhappiest place on Earth.

  • Yogurt: “Never overestimate the power of the NSA.”

  • First the NSA ignores “silly” Internet memes, then they laugh at them, then they are unable to fight them, and then they lose.

  • The NSA is an intelligence agency which thinks it can use Artificial Ultra-Stupidity (AUS) to wade through tons of irrelevant information and reach genuine understanding.

  • Your next job after one in @NSACareers, will be as a dead corpse in a coffin, 6 feet underground, or as a patient in a psychiatric ward.

  • Hackers bend the rules, so the NSA hates them. Instead, the NSA accumulates rules, observes them, and accepts their fate: death.

Other NSA Humour

  1. “Yo NSA, Publish or Perish!” - captioned image by me.

  2. “Sarah Michelle Gellar’s Next Movie” - old fortune cookie.

  3. “kilmo about the NSA” - a sequel to the previous fortune cookie.

  4. Open Letter to Ms. Sarah Michelle Gellar regarding the production of the film “Summerschool at the NSA” - another sequel - somewhat more serious.

  5. Blog Post: “‘Publish or Perish’ → ‘Life or Death’” - discusses why keeping secrets to yourself is a recipe for disaster.

  6. Summerschool at the NSA - a screenplay - “ The Hollywood actresses Sarah Michelle Gellar (of Buffy fame) and Summer Glau (of xkcd notability) conspire to kick the ass of the NSA (= the United States government’s National Security Agency), while using special warfare that is completely non-violent. Two attractive, intelligent, and resourceful women against a large, inefficient, federal government organisation whose estimated annual budget is several times their combined worth. Does the NSA actually stand a chance? ”

Copyright and Licence

This document is Copyright by Shlomi Fish, 2013, and is available under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0 Unported (or at your option any later version).

For securing additional rights, please contact Shlomi Fish and see the explicit requirements that are being spelt from abiding by that licence.