Shlomi Fish Fortunes Collections - All in One Page

Table of Contents

Quotes by Shlomi Fish

I don’t Believe in Fairies


I don’t believe in fairies. Oops! A fairy died.
I don’t believe in fairies. Oops! Another fairy died.

Shlomi Fish

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

The prefix “God Said”


The prefix “God Said” has the extraordinary logical property of converting any statement that follows it into a true one.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

A Jewish Deduction


A Jewish Deduction

The Bible dictates that “Thou shalt not seethe [= cook] a kid [= young goat] in his mother’s milk”. To avoid any possibility of breaking that regulation, the Jewish tradition ruled that it also applies to female goats, to mature goats, and to the meat and milk of two completely unrelated goats. It is also forbidden to eat the meat with fresh milk, and it applies to beef and mutton as well (including mixing the milk and meat of two different beasts). Finally, chicken, which are incapable of milk production, may not be eaten along with any mammal’s milk either.

We are fortunate that most mathematicians were not Jewish. Otherwise, it would have been forbidden to divide by all numbers between -1 and 1.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

I Used to be Arrogant


I used to be arrogant. Now I’m simply Perfect.

Author One of Shlomi Fish’s Relatives
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Murphy’s Law


If the ancient Greeks had invented UNIX, Murphy’s Law would have been known as Aristotle’s Law.

Had they invented MS-Windows, Murphy’s Law would have been known as the Law of Socrates.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Microsoft’s Slogan


Microsoft’s slogan used to be “Microsoft - making it all make sense.”

Today it should be: “Microsoft - making everything make sense. Ours.”

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Linux - Because Software Problems...


Linux - Because Software Problems Should not Cost Money.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Linux Slogan and Banner

The American Lottery


The American Lottery - all you need is a dollar and a dream. We will take the dollar, but you can keep the dream.

Shlomi Fish

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

“Shit Happens” - 1


“Shit Happens” according to the religions of the world (Deltas by Shlomi Fish)

Judaism: God knows you will do shit, does nothing to prevent it, but makes you take the blame for it anyway.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Shit Happens - 2


“Shit Happens” according to the religions of the world
(Deltas by Shlomi Fish)

Judaism: God is all the shit, all the non-shit and all the intermediate demi-shits in between.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Interpret the Past


Let’s interpret the past according to the present and not the present according to the past.

Shlomi Fish

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Computer Science and C Programming


Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

— Edsger W. Dijkstra

Programming Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about stars.

— Shlomi Fish

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Sarah Michelle Gellar’s Next Movie


[Discussing the shortage of IT workers as of 1998 on E-mail]

Shlomi Fish to Omer Zak: “Even the NSA doesn’t have enough programmers. But it is not likely that they will have more, and that’s because Summerschool at the NSA may might as well be the name of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s next movie.”

Omer Zak to Shlomi Fish: “And as opposed to I Know What You Did Last Summer, it is going to be scary.”

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Objective Philosophy…


Objective philosophy is like a pencil sharpener for one’s mind.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

“The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It” - 1


Oh! I wish you could see the look on his face! Actually, I would have also liked to see the look on his face, but just then I woke up from the dream.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It

"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It" - 2


Had I not been already insane, I would have long ago driven myself mad.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It

"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It" - 3


“Aside from all that, I planned a political simulator that forecast the two World Wars after I entered all the relevant data until the year 1000 AD.”

“Do you have a computer at home?”

“Oh, no! At present the program is written on a paper. Don’t ask how much time it took me to fully eliminate all bugs out of it. But it was great fun!”

Author Shlomi Fish
Work The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It

"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It" - 4


“Likewise.” Added the interviewer and said: “Your answers were also very… unusual.”

“Although this description cannot testify on their quality, I take it as a compliment.”

Author Shlomi Fish
Work The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It

“The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It” - 5


The government of the Supporter will finance your travel, and you will be able to leave tomorrow morning. We would like to inform you of the following facts: we cannot assure your safety during this travel. Furthermore, despite your long service at the Organisation and your constructive proposal, we cannot say, wholeheartedly or halfheartedly, that we wish to protect your safety. Likewise, we cannot guarantee that we would not take actions that may harm you, indirectly or in a direct manner.

We hope to see you here very soon.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It

"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It" - 6


“Okay, I think that I can now return to my country and my village. By the way, how many forbidden books do you have?”

“Oh,”, one of them said to me, “their number is growing geometrically. When I checked two weeks ago, their number was 2,148,763. A week ago there were 4,278,109 forbidden writings. Now there must be about 8,600,000 ones.”

“You are wrong.”, I said to him.

“I beg your pardon?”

“There are now exactly 8,517,559 or 8,517,560 forbidden books.”

“Why is it so important?”

“Why, it means that, for the time being, you have 82,440 or 82,441 extra books which you can read at bedtime if you can’t fall asleep!”

Author Shlomi Fish
Work The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It

"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It" - 7


“And what is the nature of those activists: Socialists? Communists? Liberals?… ”

“Let’s say, for the sake of simplicity, that they are people of my intellect, only that as opposed to me they are sane.”

Author Shlomi Fish
Work The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It

A more experienced programmer…


A more experienced programmer does not make less bugs. He just realizes what went wrong more quickly.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Microsoft Notepad


BTW, for an editor with no replace feature (at least not on Windows 95), no regular-expression search and replace, no indentation support, no syntax-highlighting and no macros and scriptability features: MS Notepad is one hell of an editor!

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Wonderous are the ways of Microsoft

WYSIWYT - Documentation Improvement


Suggested Improvements to the Documentation:

The WYSIWYT project was for a long time fascinated by Microsoft’s tremendous desire to advance its Internet Explorer web-browser. We saw the fact that they switched the help systems of the upcoming Windows 98, as well as Microsoft Visual C++ 5.0, to HTML a major step in advancing our project.

As a complementary step, some of the chief heads of our project suggested that the Windows’ manuals themselves, as well as all of Microsoft’s ads, will be designed in HTML and printed after being rendered by IE4. While this project is in the preliminary and planning stages, we expect it to acquire a large momentum soon.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work IRPWUG Announces Project “What you see is what you think”

If A is A and A is not not-A…


If: 1. A is A.
2. A is not not-A.
does it also imply that:
1. B is B.
2. B is not not-B.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

I know I’m blond…


I know I’m blond, but I have to colour my hair brown, so people would not think I’m stupid. Because, like the title of the book says: "You’ve only got Three Seconds".

Actually, since Amazon sent us two books like that, you’ve only got six seconds.

Author One of Shlomi Fish’s Relatives
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

“Knuth is not God!” - 1


Knuth is not God! It took him two days to build the Roman Empire.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts

“Knuth is not God!” - 2


Knuth is not God! God has already released TeX version 4.0.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts

Taking a Turing Test


> Shlomi,
> Have you ever considered taking a Turing test? ;-)

Sure I did. I sat at one point of an IRC channel, and someone
tested me. Eventually it was discovered that I am a computer, but it
turned out the other side was an Eliza program. Strangely enough, I could
not detect that the latter fact was true.

        Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2465
Author Shlomi Fish
Work Hackers-IL message No. 2465

IGLU Cabal and the Turing Test


There is no IGLU Cabal! None of them could pass the Turing test. But strangely enough a computer program they coded, could.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Hackers-IL message No. 2465

“Knuth is not God!” - 3


Knuth is not God! Google is not God! RMS is not God!

God himself said that was the case.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts

“Knuth is not God!” - 4


Knuth is not God! Typing “God” into Google and pressing “I’m Feeling Lucky” would not lead you to his homepage.

Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2084 ("The Great WWW-Wisdom Shootout")

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts

“Knuth is not God!” - 5


Knuth is not God! Unless you confuse him with Dijkstra.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts

Patenting the TINIC


(I am patenting issuing a TINIC with anything else but the phrase "There is no IGLU Cabal!". The patent number is kept secret to avoid violating the copyright of its text)

Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2021

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

C++ and Object-Oriented Programming


C++ supports Object-Oriented Programming, roughly as much as COBOL supports Functional Programming.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

If it had not been clear…


I hope that if it had not been clear before, it isn’t less clear now.

Author One of Shlomi Fish’s Technion Lecturers

Hi, Sophie!


Jack: Hi, Sophie!

Sophie: Don’t “Hi, Sophie!” me.

Jack: Don’t “Don’t ‘Hi, Sophie!’ me” me!

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Crazy Opinions


My opinions may seem crazy, but they all make sense. Insane sense, but sense nonetheless.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Corollary of Godwyn’s Law


Shlomi, I’m considering naming a corollary of Godwyn’s law after you - any discussion of anything is over when you mention Freecell Solver.

— Muli Ben-Yehuda on #kernelnewbies (

Muli: BTW, I think that any discussion only begins to gain momentum when I mention Freecell Solver.

— Shlomi Fish on #offtopic (

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Keeping an Idea to Yourself


There’s no point in keeping an idea to yourself since there’s a 10 to 1 chance that somebody already has it and will share it before you.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

An Apple a Day


An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Two apples a day will keep two doctors away.

Author One of Shlomi Fish’s Relatives
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

You are banished!


“You are banished! You are banished! You are banished! Hey! I’m just kidding!”

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Foreign Languages


[Discussing Foreign Languages Knowledge in the U.S.A]

Ben Collins-Sussman: Tis’ true, unlike Europe, the language doesn’t change every 100 miles.

Shlomi Fish: And unlike England, the accent does not change every 10 miles.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

What happened to Christopher Michael Pilato?


What happened to Christopher Michael Pilato?
Is he gone?
Is he gone for good?
Is he gone for better?
Is he gone for best?
Is he gone forever?
Will he return?
Who is Christopher Michael Pilato, anyway?

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Adapted from an IRC Monologue

Teaching a Computer to Laugh


> Can anyone draw a plan as to how to teach a computer to laugh? Say we
> define laugh as print "LOL", and define smile as print ":)". How would a
> computer know when to print any of those, and when to operate an Eliza
> program?

Judging by IRC or AOL, randomly would do just fine ;-)

        Muli Ben-Yehuda in Hackers-IL message No. 3513
Author Muli Ben-Yehuda
Work Hackers-IL message No. 3,153

In Philosophy, as much as in software engineering


In Philosophy, as much as in software engineering, you don’t get credit for originality. What matters is the final product, not who came up with the idea for each feature first.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

HURD is Lacking in Developers


> Unfortunatly as other people have mentioned - the HURD is seriously
> lacking in developers, especially driver writers. Linux is to blame for
> most of that.

KImageShop is seriously lacking in developers, and the GIMP is to blame
for most of that.
Author Shlomi Fish
Work Post to the Linux-IL Mailing List

He has a high degree of…


He has a high degree of idealism, a high degree of stubbornness, and an even higher degree of inability to distinguish between the two.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

I expected that this patch won’t go in so easily


> Thanks, applied as change #22936.

And thank you for applying this patch. But to be honest, I’m a little disappointed. I expected it won’t go in so easily and will trigger some discussion here. But there was none. No typo corrections (“you mis-spelled ‘floccinaucinihilipilification’”); no flames ("this patch is the worst thing since non-sliced bread"). Nothing.

Someone should do something about it. This direction is not healthy for p5p. Seriously.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Post to perl5-porters



rindolf Right now, I think I’ll go to sleep.
mitch nite rindolf
mitch sleep-fu well
rindolf mitch: night.
rindolf Bye all!
rindolf mitch: there are no PDB entries for me sleeping.
rindolf mitch: nor do I want any.
mitch haha
rindolf mitch: heh
rindolf mitch: (plug-in-rindolf-sleep ...
mitch :)
Kevin (plug-in-rindolf-sleep 8 HOURS)
Channel #gimp
Network GimpNet
Tagline Contemplating some potential procedural database functions

Contributing to #gimp


yacoob a quickie: are ‘adjustments layers’ planned to be implemented in gimp?
nomis yacoob: at some point in the future, yes.
yacoob nomis: dare to estimate how far this future is?
nomis yacoob: no.
rindolf yacoob: faster if you contribute.
* nomis waits for the "oh, I cannot program at all".
rindolf nomis: faster if he learns how to program, and then contributes.
nomis :)
yacoob rindolf: you wouldn’t like me to contribute, believe me ;)
Channel #gimp
Network GimpNet
Tagline Faster, faster!

Girly Men


[Commenting in Slashdot after Arnold Schwarzenegger’s decision to use open-source software in the California government:]

> This is obviously because Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are girly-men.

Yeah and what are the offerings of the open-source world? Let’s see:

1. Linus Torvalds - Looks like a dweeb, ergo is a dweeb. How girly is that? (plus his wife can kick ass better than him) 2. Richard M. Stallman - a hippy. How girly is that? 3. Eric S. Raymond - a nice looking man with a mustache. Baby faced, so he looks a bit girly to me. 4. Larry Wall - a cross between Linus and RMS (i.e: a hippy dweeb) that is even more girly.

So who do we have left? Alan Cox? OK, he’s manly. (huge man, huge facial hair, etc.) And all the others are so neglible people don’t even know how they look like.

Note: this comment may have been a bit cruel, so sorry. Don’t take it too seriously, especially if you’re one of the guys I laughed about. I hold you all with the greatest respect. Seriously.

Sincerily yours,
Shlomi Fish (who is a quite girly male himself).

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Slashdot Comment

If his programming…


If his programming is anything like his philosophising, he would find ten imaginary bugs in the "Hello World" program.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Hacker Sees Bug


Hacker sees bug. Hacker does not want bug. Hacker fixes bug.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Tcl is Lisp on Drugs…


Tcl is Lisp on drugs. Using strings instead of S-expressions for closures is Evil with one of those gigantic E’s you can find at the beginning of chapters.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

95% of Programmers


Linus Torvalds: "95% of Programmers consider themselves in the top 5%".

Shlomi Fish’s Corollary: "95% of Programmers consider 95% of the code they did not write, in the bottom 5%."

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Too Girly


rindolf Linuxgrrl: well The Gilmore Girls is also a drama. Sort of a dramedie, but a serious one.
Linuxgrrl Meh.
Linuxgrrl Too girly for me.
rindolf Linuxgrrl: you are a girl.
rindolf Linuxgrrl: let me guess - you’re using Debian or Gentoo, right?
Linuxgrrl Gentoo.
rindolf Linuxgrrl: knew it.
rindolf Linuxgrrl: no self-respecting tomboy would use Mandrake.
Channel #linuxchics
Network OFTC
Tagline Too Girly

C++ is…


C++ is complex, complexifying and complexified.

(With apologies to the Oxford English Dictionary).

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Blogging Memes


rindolf I’m siicckk of blogging memes.
rindolf You are this file type.
rindolf You are that type of cloth.
jkauffman You are this member of the Friends show
rindolf jkauffman: LOL.
jkauffman "January 4th, 2005: Just took an online quiz and it turns out I’m a Joey type"
Channel #perlcafe
Network Freenode
Tagline Shlomi Fish (rindolf) and jkauffman

Becoming Crazy


tyler- rindolf: you are seriously the craziest fucker I know
tyler- and I know some crazy ass people
mofino haha
rindolf tyler-: I am crazy. And proud of it.
tyler- rindolf: you should be
mofino haha
mofino Ahh man
rindolf tyler-: being crazy is hard work. I worked all my life to becrazy.
mofino Normal people aren’t fun.
rindolf tyler-: "Craziness is not an action. It’s a process."
mofino heh
tyler- rindolf: I see
rindolf You need to tend to your insanity.
rindolf tyler-: do you want to be crazy?
tyler- rindolf: that’s why I feed my leprechaun at least once aday.
rindolf tyler-: I can teach you everything I know.
Channel #perlcafe
Network Freenode
Tagline Becoming Crazy

Discussing living with one’s parents on IRC.


rindolf mofino: I have some money, and am living and am supported by my parents.
rindolf mofino: there’s much less of a taboo against living withone parents after school in Israel, than there is in the States.
mofino It’s not taboo
mofino It’s pathetic.
mofino Although, sometimes life sucks, and you have no choice.
q[ender] you know, it depends
q[ender] if you’re not married and / or not getting any, it doesn’t much matter if you live with your folks
mofino ender, usually when you have self-respect, you try and you know, make it on your own
rindolf q[ender]: are you married and not getting any? You could live with your parents.
q[ender] hahaha
mofino haha
q[ender] awesome
q[ender] rindolf++ # good burn!
Channel #perlcafe
Network Freenode
Tagline Living with your parents




-- Moses the Smiley by Shlomi Fish
Author Shlomi Fish
Work Moses the Smiley

The First Phrase that needs to be Taught


The first phrase that should be taught when teaching a new language is how to say “Do you speak English?”.

The first thing that needs to be taught when teaching a new computer tool is how to exit it.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Re-inventing the Wheel


He who re-invents the wheel, will understand much better how a wheel works.

He who re-invents the wheel, may actually invent a much better wheel.

Shlomi Fish

He who re-invents the wheel will likely design a square wheel and spend a year trying to figure out why it doesn’t work properly.

Nadav Har’El

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Better Alternative


Sometimes you don’t need to be familiar with a better alternative to know that something sucks. Take Microsoft Word for example.

Author Shlomi Fish’s Friend
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Good Student vs. Bad Student


The difference between a good student and a bad student is that a bad student forgets the material five minutes before the test, while a good student five minutes afterwards.

Author One of Shlomi Fish’s Technion Lecturer
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Real Programmers Don’t Write


Real programmers don’t write workarounds. They tell their users to upgrade their software.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Jewish Atheists


Jewish Atheists are the only true Atheists. They beat the hell out of Goy Atheists.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Chuck Norris Perlsixifies at FreeNode’s #perl6 channel.


rindolf ajs: perhaps Chuck Norris would be a useful addition to the Pugs and Parrot teams.
ajs rindolf: If Norris can write, give him a commit bit, and tie him to a keyboard ;)
FurnaceBoy I thought he already had commit
daxim Chuck Norris commits with a roundhouse kick into the SVN server’s head
* FurnaceBoy chuckles
ajs daxim: If you can get that to pass the test suite, then more power to you!
FurnaceBoy Chuck *is* the test suite
Kattana chuck norris does not code, when he sits at a computer, it just does whatever he wants.
rindolf Kattana: :-)
daxim ah, we’re easy to amuse
ajs Be the test suite, Chuck... BE the test suite.
FurnaceBoy you gotta pass ‘make chuck’
Channel #perl6
Network Freenode
Tagline Chuck Norris Perlsixifies at FreeNode’s #perl6 channel.

The ex-Member about Rashness


“You know:”, the physicist said, “in my opinion since you left the Organisation you acted without thinking a lot before you did things. I would describe your behaviour as deriving from spontaneousness and fickle‐mindedness that border rashness. Do you also think so?”

“Of course!” I replied, “Except for arrogance, rashness is my only defect!”

Author Shlomi Fish
Work The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It

Second Best Solution


The current solution offered by Nvidia may be the second-best solution. But this is one case where the second best solution is not good enough.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Nvidia Petition

If it isn’t in my email…


If it isn’t in my email, it doesn’t exist.

And if the whole world says one thing and my email says something different, email will conquer.

-- an Israeli Linuxer.

Author An Israeli Linuxer
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Buffy and Willow


rindolf Hi CSWookie
rindolf CSWookie: aren’t you also on Freenode?
CSWookie rindolf: What’s up.
CSWookie rindolf: I am.
rindolf CSWookie: I’m fine.
rindolf CSWookie: you are a Buffy fan right?
CSWookie rindolf: I am. Although really, more a Willow fan. Nothing hotter than red-headed Jewesses that are scared of boys.
Channel #gimp
Network GimpNet
Tagline CSWookie on Willow

When Closed-source Bites


rindolf Hi all! How can I tell Flash in FF to play using artsd? It keeps trying to invoke esd. I’m on Mandriva 2007.
vexati0n the REAL question is, wtf is taking adobe so long with flash 9 :@
vexati0n rindolf: you might have to set that with firefox’ settings.
vexati0n or, do what good people do and use opera.
vexati0n :P
* rindolf slaps vexati0n
rindolf vexati0n: I’m not using Opera. Period.
rindolf I don’t like it and it’s not FOSS.
vexati0n god, it’s like opera is anathema just cause people can’t look at it’s code or something.
vexati0n like YUO are going to tinker with your browser’s source code anyway
rindolf vexati0n: actually, I did that for Firefox.
rindolf vexati0n: I have a bug pending on
rindolf vexati0n: nah, nah, nah, nah
vexati0n well, you wouldn’t have to do it with opera because it already works :P
rindolf vexati0n: I hate the fact that it resizes images.
rindolf vexati0n: it causes the images to be too large.
rindolf vexati0n: now tell me how do I fix that.
vexati0n opera resizes images? o.O
vexati0n do you have a page it screws up so i can look?
rindolf vexati0n: when I press Ctrl++ and Ctrl+-
vexati0n oh. you mean it doesn’t just increase the size of the text.
rindolf vexati0n: take for example.
rindolf vexati0n: yes.
Channel ##linux
Network Freenode
Tagline When Closed-source bites

The Bad Thing about Hardware


The bad thing about hardware is that it sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t. The good thing about software is that it’s consistent: it always does not work, and it always does not work in exactly the same way.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Welcome to Web 2.0


rindolf Kev: thanks.
rindolf Kev: did you post it on the French page?
Kev not yet
rindolf Kev: you need to create an account first. But it’s easy.
rindolf It’s a MediaWiki based wiki.
Kev arghhhhhhhhhhhh
rindolf Kev: what’s wrong?
jagerman Maybe MediaWiki wronged him in some way!
Kev wiki
jagerman Just be thankful it isn’t a blog!
rindolf Kev: what’s wrong with wikis?
rindolf And be extra thankful it’s not MySpace.
jagerman Mt. Allison [University] is now paying 5 students to maintain a "life as a Mt. A student" blog
Channel #perlcafe
Network Freenode
Tagline Welcome to Web 2.0

Unflattering Nicknames


mofino Well I’m confused and I’m going home
mofino Later guys
mofino And girl.
mofino Young tender girl ...
mofino sweet 16 year old girl ....
avar haha
rindolf mofino: heh.
* mofino puts away his lynching pedo personality
mofino ;)
mofino lates
* ChanServ gives channel operator status to jagerman
←jagerman has kicked mofino from #perlcafe (Leave already :P)
* jagerman removes channel operator status from jagerman
avar We have found pedobear and he is mofino
→mofino has joined #perlcafe
mofino can you like not do that as I’m picking up my keys?
mofino you fagerman
rindolf fagerman, homofino, what’s next?
rindolf I know - q[tyler-]
rindolf OTOH, I’ve been called Slimy Fish lately.
avar rindolf: The *real* Slimy Fish?
rindolf avar: the one and only 100% original real actual and unmatched Slimy Fish<tm>!
rindolf I’m the real Slimy, yes I’m the real Slimy, if you’re the real Slimy and not just a Slimy. So will the real Slimy please stand up, please stand up...
* jagerman is ashamed for actually knowing those lyrics
avar sing it jew boy:)
Channel #perlcafe
Network Freenode
Tagline Unflattering Nicknames

Linux for Christians


rindolf CSWookie: tried Christian Ubuntu yet? ;-)
goldfish lol.
goldfish Oh dear, you weren’t joking.
rindolf goldfish: no, I was.
goldfish hah
goldfish "Ubuntu Christian Edition is a free, open source operating system geared towards Christians. It is based on the popular Ubuntu Linux. Ubuntu is a complete Linux-based operating system, freely available with both community and professional support."
moldy i might try it soon
moldy right now we are using plain dapper at my church
goldfish moldy: hah
moldy is this that funny? :p
goldfish :)
moldy hehe
moldy For 40 days before Easter, Ubuntu Christian Edition works in text mode only.
moldy haha
goldfish That’s brilliant :)
rindolf There’s also a Jewbuntu blog, but it’s not as funny as this Christian Ubuntu blog.
moldy true
moldy That sounds about right -- Jesus might have preferred Jewbuntu since he was a Jew. Then again, Jesus was also a dedicated idealist, so he might have chosen Debian instead of Ubuntu. :-P
moldy hehehe
tpope why has ubuntu become the distro of puns?
moldy has it? there are puns for other distros, too
Strogg Jesus came from long long ago. I bet he runs debian stable. :)
Channel #vim
Network Freenode
Tagline Ubuntu for Christians

More Advanced than CVS


On Sunday 01 April 2007, chromatic wrote:
> On Saturday 31 March 2007 15:26, Yuval Kogman wrote:
> > uses_version_control sounds more like lacks_manifest_skip_file which
> > should deduct kwalitee IMHO.
> Maybe so, but how else can CPANTS detect that you use the world’s most
> advanced version control system: CVS?

Are you kidding?

CVS is not advanced as:

1. Microsoft Visual SourceSafe - the only sane choice for good data integrity
and portability.

2. tarballs/zip-files and patches. This one excels in convenience, and

CVS is a very advanced version control system, however. I do wish that
Subversion (which is a VCS that I have to use against my will) was as good as
it is.

    -- Shlomi Fish answering to chromatic on 01-April-2007
Author Shlomi Fish
Work "Re: New CPANTS metrics"

Larry Wall Facts


  • Larry Wall can understand the Perl code he wrote last year.
  • Larry Wall gets the colon.
  • There are at least 137 Larry Walls in the U.S. but only one that matters.
  • Larry Wall applies a patch manually quicker than GNU patch.
  • Larry Wall dreams in Perl.
  • Larry Wall can program in his sleep.
  • Larry Wall is lazy, impatient and full of hubris.
  • Larry Wall has more dollars in the bank than in his Perl code.

-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts"

Electrical Engineering Studies in the Technion


Electrical Engineering studies. In the Technion. Been there. Done that. Forgot a lot. Remember too much.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

"I am Without Faults"


Well, for the record, *I* am without faults, but i’ll mention them here anyways:

  1. i really hate scriptaculous
  2. i kicked a dog the other day
  3. i pushed an old lady aside, on my way to get a cup of free coffee
  4. i secretly program in Python
  5. i like to interject and make lists
Author Jeff Anderson
Work Post to London Perl Mongers

“I’m not an actor”


I’m not an actor - I just play one on T.V.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Discussing vapourware on Freenode’s ##freebsd


anonuser You know for when they finally decide to release that programatic abortion they call perl 6
rindolf anonuser: on Christmas.
rindolf anonuser: don’t know which one.
rindolf anonuser: you can download pugs and play with it.
anonuser rindolf, The running joke I have with friends is that Duke Nukem Forever (DNF) is being written in Perl6
rindolf anonuser: it’s an old joke.
anonuser rindolf, DNF and Perl6 together is an old joke?
rindolf anonuser: yeah.
rindolf anonuser: “Perl 6 is the language Duke Nukem Forever will be written in.”
rindolf Well, it’s not too old, but it’s a meme.
Aji-Dahaka rindolf: I’m the guy who’s going to port DNF from GNU/Hurd to FreeBSD
Channel ##freebsd
Network Freenode
Tagline Discussing Vapourware

Trying to Block Pornography…


Trying to block Internet pornography is like climbing a waterfall and trying to stay dry.

— Drew Dexter

Author Drew Dexter
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

I’m not Straight


I’m not straight - I’m Israeli.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Almost Worthy


Hi Omer! Mazal Tov on Chen and yours marriage. It reminds me of a quote from Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre:

"At this period she married, removed with her husband (a clergyman, an excellent man, almost worthy of such a wife) to a distant county, and consequently was lost to me."

Well, in your case I can say that both of you are almost worthy of each other. Congrats again!

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Comment on Omer Shapira’s Blog

It doesn’t Mean What You Think it Means


> You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it
> means.

It does not mean what I think it means, but it means what *you* think it

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Post to Linux-elitists

Tower of Babel and God the Dwarf


A few weeks ago, I’ve been to Freenode’s #perl, talking to merlyn and other guys, when we got to discuss the Biblical "Tower of Babel Myth". As it turned out, the commonly perceived interpretation was not the one most scholars find as more sensible, which is the one we ended up being taught at Junior High School.

What most people think is something like that:

The people spoke to each other in the same language, concentrated in one place, and decided to build a tower high enough so they can reach God. God, a small dwarf who lived in the sky, was afraid of the efforts of these people, because he feared they’ll reach him. So he casted an 8th level Spell of Language Fragmentation, caused these people to speak in different tongues, and without being able to understand each other, they ended up spreading across the Earth. God was relieved and returned to his dwarfish deeds, as dwarfs do.

Shlomi Fish in (Based on what his Bible teacher said)

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Blog Post

One GEGL Per Child on GIMPNet’s #gimp channel


CIA-1 shlomif * r1712 gegl/ (ChangeLog docs/
CIA-1 * docs/ fixed "GEGLs" into "GEGL’s" and "GIMPs"
CIA-1 into "GIMP’s" in the homepage.
mitch why is breaking the correct writing a fix?
mitch rindolf: ?
mitch rindolf: oh i misread :)
* rindolf gives some GEGLs and GIMPs to the mitches.
mitch haha :)
rindolf One GEGL each!
rindolf There’s not enough for everybody.
rindolf We should have an assembly line of GEGLs.
rindolf Mass-produce them for the ever-growing demand.
Channel #gimp
Network GimpNet
Tagline One GEGL Per Child on GIMPNet’s #gimp channel

Dream Language in Freenode’s #lisp-il


adeht rindolf: my brother had AIMA in hard-cover.. and maybe I can get a hold of PAIP
adeht s/had/has/;
* adeht yays for perl
rindolf adeht: what did perl do?
adeht <adeht> s/had/has/;
rindolf adeht: it’s actually from sed and ed before that.
adeht I know, but I’m using perl syntax :)
rindolf adeht: now write it in Lisp.
adeht heh.
adeht in Lisp you wouldn’t use a regex for this kind of dumb substitution.. though you could
adeht rindolf: a nice way of writing CL code is to imagine your dream language for expressing that particular problem, and then realizing it :)
rindolf You probably wouldn’t use a regex in Python either.
rindolf adeht: I see.
rindolf adeht: I’m not going to implement Perl in Common Lisp. :-D
adeht heh
Channel #lisp-il
Network Freenode
Tagline Dream Language in Freenode’s #lisp-il

Why Shlomi Fish Dislikes Lisp


> This reminds me of Paul Graham’s articles, in which he claims that LISP
> programmers are better. But why is it so (whether or not you agree to
> the conclusion)? There are at least two opposite reasons: 1. Because
> programmers that learned LISP become better 2. Because good programmers
> prefer LISP when they come to know it.

No. 1 is true, naturally. No. 2 is not true - I know LISP but I prefer Perl.
Other like Python, etc. The reasons I don’t prefer LISP are:

1. The standards of Common LISP and Scheme don’t define anything practical.
2. LISP is at the moment incredibly verbose.
3. As Larry Wall noted, all LISP code comes in parenthesis and so it all looks
the same. (Perl is the exact opposite in this regard).
4. I cannot make heads nor tails of serious LISP code. Many LISPers create so
many macros and use them along with regular LISP code, so you keep having to
refer to the previous definitions, and make a lot of research to get you

SICP Scheme is easy and fun. But serious LISP code can take too much time to
understand. OTOH, recently I had little problem reading the source code of
other Perl programmers, and extending it or fixing bugs. (likewise for
Author Shlomi Fish
Work Post to Linux-IL

We don’t Know His Cellphone


We don’t know his cellphone number, and even if we did, we would tell you that we didn’t know it.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Engrew Sentence #1


plis tak mi auot from yuor mail list.

-- This Engrew sentence contains very few errors.

Author Anonymous Israeli
Work Message sent to Shlomi Fish

What do you mean?


What do you mean by "WDYM"?

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection



Chen Shapira: spent 5 hours yesterday trying to get Windows to print on my new wireless printer. It still doesn’t work. On Ubuntu it worked after few minutes.

Shlomi Fish: Heh. Linux++ .

Chen Shapira: I’d do Windows-- , but this may result in an integer underflow.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

"Use qmail Instead" Excerpt #1


A few days ago I joined #mandriva on Freenode trying to get to the bottom of a problem I have with KMail at work, where I cannot start KAddressBook from inside it. I asked my question and soon afterwards received:

  • One Thunderbird recommendation.
  • Two Evolution recommendations.
  • One Sylpheed Claws recommendation.
  • One GMail recommendation.

The problem is that I wasn’t interested to learn about alternative E-mail clients, and just wanted to get my problem solved. And in GMail’s case it was completely out of the question due to my work’s constraints.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work The "Use qmail instead" Syndrome



I recently had to figure out how to do something with wget: get everything below a directory on the web-server, without following links to outside it. So I logged in to FreeNode’s #debian channel, where there are many knowledgeable people to ask it. The first answer I got was "RTFM". So, I read the wget man page, but could not find it there. Eventually, after telling people that it would be faster to give an answer, I got a reply ( add the -np -r flags). But this has been the last straw.

I composed my own acronym. Just like RTFM is "Read the Fabulous Manual" and STFW is "Search the Fabulous Web", then JATFM is "Just Answer the Fabulous Man". It means that it’s usually faster to answer someone’s question than to ask him to RTFM, which is just going to annoy him. I think the RTFM mantra has done a lot of damage in the UNIX/Linux world, and I hope JATFMing would prove to be a more healthy ideology.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Journal Post

I have to do TWAIN…


A: I’m busy right now - I have to do TWAIN.

B: Do Shania Twain?

C: Oh, I’d love to do Shania Twain.

—Adapted from a conversation on Freenode’s #perl

Author Freenode #perl Participants
Work Adaptation of an IRC conversation

Fight for Perl


→spx2 has joined #soc-help
spx2 I want to FIGHT FOR PERL IN GSOC !
spx2 I feel the power of metal in my veins
spx2 perl is flowing in my blood !
spx2 What perl Armies can I join this YEAR ?
ambs spx2: a lot :)
spx2 ambs: Hail BRETHREN !
spx2 where are the armies ???
spx2 I want to ENGAGE and start preparing my weapons !
spx2 ambs: what projects are this year ?
ambs spx2: ideas at
spx2 I will fight this year in the PERL battle !
rindolf spx2: Python is for the WEAK and TIMID!
spx2 rindolf: TOTALLY !
* spx2 examines the war grounds
Channel #soc-help
Network MAGNet
Tagline Fight for Perl

Perl Saints as an Alternative to Perl Heroes


> So, yeah… there are no gods, only heroes.  And anyone can become
> a hero.  And even heroes are just regular people.

I don’t suppose we should propose that as an alternative to Perl Gods, there
should at least be Perl Saints:

Of course, I’m not sure what being a Perl saint would imply. Using nothing but
Perl? (Including not C in which perl 5 is written?)

Oh well.

Not that I mind the Perl Gods stereotype stuff.


        Shlomi Fish (a Perl saint^W hero wannabe, but definitely
        not a Perl God)
Author Shlomi Fish
Work Post to to San-Fransisco Perl Mongers Mailing List

What being a Perl Saint Implies


> > > Of course, I’m not sure what being a Perl saint would imply.
> >
> >  It would imply having been killed for your faith in Perl.
> Does that make Randal the Spanish Inquisition?

No one expects the Randal Schwartz condition ;)

    -- Shlomi Fish, frosty, Duane Obrien and David Fetter in:
Author Shlomi Fish, frosty, Duane Obrien and David Fetter
Work San-Fransisco Perl Mongers Thread

San-Fransisco Perl Mongers: Randal Schwartz Noise Band


>  > > > Of course, I’m not sure what being a Perl saint would imply.
>  > >
>  > >  It would imply having been killed for your faith in Perl.
>  >
>  > Does that make Randal the Spanish Inquisition?
>  No one expects the Randal Schwartz condition ;)

I almost feel honor bound now to start a noise band called The Randal
Schwartz Condition.  I could shout his rants into a microphone while
the rest of the band flogged a newbie live on stage.

    -- Duane Obrien in:
Author Duane Obrien
Work San-Fransisco Perl Mongers Thread

San-Fransisco Perl Mongers: Randal Schwartz Condition


>>>>> "Duane" == Duane Obrien <duane.obrien at> writes:

Duane> Alternately, The Randal Schwartz Condition is now accepting bookings
Duane> for birthdays, weddings, religious ceremonies of any kind, or occasions
Duane> where your consulting company throws a big party at some conference.
Duane> Email me off-list for details on how to get advance copies of our demo
Duane> "I’m The Real Tim Toady"

I’m already thinking of words to the "tune" of "I’m the real Slim Shady".

Damn you. :)

    -- Duane Obrien and Randal L. Schwartz
Author Duane Obrien and Randal L. Schwartz
Work San-Fransisco Perl Mongers Thread

Godwin’s Law


> > In that case, lacking good links or a definitive reference text, I’ll have
> > to ignore your comment earlier.
> >
> > I hope it’s not much of a flamewar so far, but it sure seems to have
> > escalated into a minor one. "You are a Nazi!"
> > (’s_law ) - oops!
> Please.  The Nazi’s were socialists.  I’m a little to the right of
> Attila the Hun.

And I thought Attila was a Humanitarian.

    -- Shlomi Fish, Guy Hulbert and Shlomi Fish in:
Author Shlomi Fish and Guy Hulbert
Work Post to the Perl module-authors mailing list

Pedantic People


I often wonder why I hang out with so many people who are so pedantic. And then I remember - because they are so pedantic.

— an Israeli Perl Monger

Author Israeli Perl Monger
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Variable Naming on #not-##freebsd


rindolf p13: do you write scripts?
p13 rindolf, init scripts and sys maintenance scripts in csh sh and bash
p13 but i suck
p13 haha
p13 i made them SO unreadable on purpose too
p13 my var names for example
p13 i would use random quotes from coworkers
p13 like "wereoutofcoffee"
p13 or "ihatemyjob"
p13 etc etc
trashguy i hate people lik eyou p13
p13 trashguy, hahaha
trashguy atleast the variabls are obvious and not mistaken for functions and shit
elgrande i stringly recommend to call variables only: var1, var2, var3 ... var999
elgrande but for purpose of clarity, after var999 continue with varB1, varB2,...
rindolf elgrande: <elgrande> i stringly recommend to call variables only: var1, var2, var3 ... var999 - excellent advice.
rindolf elgrande: LOL.
elgrande rindolf: and of course: cls1, func1, meth1, if1
elgrande so if var3 > var2 then var1 = cls3->meth2 endif
rindolf elgrande: heh.
rindolf obj997
elgrande everyone is understand this!
rindolf elgrande: I'll probably make a fortune cookie out of it.
elgrande obj997 bevahes like this, because it implements if371
elgrande ^^
rindolf elgrande: you're still going.
Channel #not-##freebsd
Network Freenode
Tagline Variable Naming

Monty Python on Computer Interfaces



A: You Linux kids are so lucky. When we were using Windows 95 and Windows 3.11 it kept getting stuck and we lost all our data. We had to reboot it.

B: You used Windows 95! Lucky Bastard! When I was your age, we used DOS on CGA screens, and we were lucky if we had 4 colors, much less a true windowing environment.

C: You had DOS with graphics? Lucky bastard! When I was your age, I used VT-100 terminals connected to a VAX. 128 characters should be enough for everybody?

D: Visual Terminals? When I was your age, we used teletypes on a PDP-11: the computer printed on paper - very slowly. Can you imagine cat’ing a really long document?

E: Teletypes were heaven compared to the punch cards that I was using. Imagine going over to the computer with a large amount of punch cards and then dropping them all.

F: Punch cards! What is this talk about punch cards? We input machine code directly using buttons and LEDs.

G: And all we had were NAND gates!


Author Shlomi Fish
Work Email Message

#python on Incrementing


rindolf Hi all.
scorchsaber <all> Hi rindolf
rindolf scorchsaber: heh.
rindolf scorchsaber++
rindolf Or in Python:
rindolf scorchsaber+=1
rillo ??
rindolf rillo: Python does not have a ++ operator.
scorchsaber rindolf: Oh, but it does have a + operator.
rillo ah. i'm new to python so i diddnt know
scorchsaber A few days ago, it was suggested that I implement ++ using the + operator.
scorchsaber And I did so. :)
scorchsaber So, really, a++; is valid in Python, and it may even increment a by one. If somebody was crazy, anyhow, and if a was mutable.
rillo shall i move back to perl to get the ++
rillo ?
rindolf rillo: no, use COBOL instead.
verte :(
verte eww, magic numbers!
rindolf "COBOL is the old Java"
rindolf verte: heh.
rindolf verte: 1 is not a magic number.
rindolf ASSIGN 1 to ONE
rindolf 0, 1, infinity.
rindolf verte: LOL.
rindolf verte++
\amethyst COMPUTE COBOL = COBOL + 1
Channel #python
Network Freenode
Tagline On Incrementing

I Met a Guy in the Bar


I met a guy in the bar, talked to her and she gave me her phone number.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

BASIC, Pugs and After Death


rindolf TimToady: so BASIC was your first language?
TimToady no, English was my first language. :)
rindolf TimToady: I started with XT ROM BASIC, but I suppose it was something like Perl 5 was to Perl 4 for your BASIC.
rindolf BASIC has greatly evolved since Dartmouth BASIC.
rindolf TimToady: ah.
rindolf TimToady: not Chomsky's Universal language?
TimToady feh
diakopter rindolf: what's the name of the Parrot implementation of Intercal?
Juerd 21:04 <@TimToady> we have a test suite right now because of pugs
Juerd Very, very important.
rindolf diakopter: I don't know.
rindolf Juerd: yes, very.
rindolf Juerd: anyway, I expect that at every given time all tests will pass.
Juerd Well, there are probably bad tests too :)
Juerd Given the volume of the suite, and that pugs has never been able to even parse everything :0
Juerd :)
TimToady testrot accounts for many of those :)
rindolf TimToady: testrot...
rindolf TimToady++
rindolf How long does it take Pugs to run the entire Pugs test suite?
TimToady but a number of them were misunderstandings at the time
rindolf Because Pugs is kinda slow.
diakopter defudge should be renamed Passover...
TimToady used to run on my old laptop in about 25 minutes
rindolf TimToady: or cute bugs.
rindolf I mean implementation details.
rindolf TimToady: kinda long.
TimToady audreyt's dual core used to run them in 10 minutes
TimToady I haven't tried on my new laptop, since I haven't installed the lates ghc yet
TimToady first make it run, then make it run right, then make it run fast
rindolf TimToady: another problem with Pugs is that it kept requiring the latest ghc.
Juerd Did pugs drive GHC development perhaps? :D
TimToady shrug, you shouldn't pick on a software project when it's down
TimToady Juerd: yes, I believe some of that happened too
rindolf TimToady: "After Death - say holy."
rindolf TimToady: it's a Hebrew phrase.
TimToady Actually, I'm just about out of After Death--I've got a bottle of Mega Death now too.
TimToady just had some on my potatoes, yum.
spinclad sounds hot
TimToady of the first six ingredients, five of them are hot. Red habanero pods, cayenne chilies, white vinegar, natural pepper flavor, ancho chilies, chipotle chilies, molasses, guava nectar, fresh ginger, salt, spices.
TimToady 'bout 550,000 scovilles
TimToady After Death is only about 500k
TimToady Tabasco is only about 35k
spinclad tabasco i'm calibrated on -- now i can (only) imagine
TimToady so roughly 15 times hotter
spinclad 'add 1/15 drop per 100 potatoes'
TimToady I generally only use it about one "plop" at a time
TimToady unless I really want a large endorphin kick
rindolf TimToady: LOL.
spinclad enjoy yr clear sinuses
rindolf TimToady+=5
rindolf "After Death"
rindolf Reminds me of that screensaver.
rindolf "After Hours"
vixey After Dark
vixey with the flying toasters?
rindolf vixey: yes, that's the one.
rindolf Also had a nice Looney Tunes one.
rindolf "I now proclaim this computer in the name of Mars!"
rindolf (Marvin the Martian)++
vixey they were cool
rindolf I recall something about wine being able to run Windows screensavers.
spinclad "where's the kaboom? there was meant to be a case-shattering kaboom."
rindolf XScreenSaver is a pre-Autoconf hell from what I understood.
Channel #perl6
Network Freenode
Tagline BASIC, Pugs and "After Death"

On the Internet


Two female dogs talking about modern-life:

Jasmine: It’s so cool! On the Internet, no one knows you’re a dog!

Daisy: Yeah, but everyone can tell right away that you’re a bitch!

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

#perl6 about Lisp Mentality and Usability


pmurias rindolf: what is Park/Spark?
rindolf pmurias:
rindolf pmurias: it's still incomplete.
rindolf And I haven't updated it.
pmurias rindolf: if you like lisp/perl6 projects you might consider helping with a common lisp elf backend
rindolf pmurias: Common Lisp.
rindolf pmurias: thing is I think both CL and Scheme suck.
rindolf I like Lisp as a concept.
rindolf Arc is nice, but has too many implementation problems.
rindolf And missing features.
vixey Arc is not nice
rindolf I want to give a presentation to the Perl Mongers about "Foreign Languages: Lisp"
rindolf vixey: I like it.
rindolf Though I hate that "(not)" has become "(no)"
rindolf it's so non-English.
vixey it's just TCL with horrible syntax
rindolf vixey: but it's missing a lot of exciting features.
rindolf Which PG deemed as unnecessary.
rindolf Doesn't look like the 100-years language to me.
rindolf Which is why - Spark!
pmurias why not just write an s-expression p6 dialect?
rindolf pmurias: could be.
rindolf pmurias: it's another approach.
rindolf But some things make sense in Lisp and not in p6.
rindolf For example, Perl does not like to use + for string or list concat.
rindolf While Python does and it seems to be OK in Arc too.
rindolf And in CL you have (concatenate) (yuck!).
pbuetow (((hehe)))
pmurias + for strings sucks
Auzon seconded.
vixey rindolf: If you don't like CONCATENATE you can just rename it
rindolf vixey: yeah.
rindolf vixey: but I'd rather not rename concatenate because then people won't understand my code.
rindolf vixey: as TimToady said people hate abstractions.
vixey yes they will rindolf
rindolf They want things to work out of the box.
vixey A program is many many totally newly defined procedures
vixey just renaming one thing is nothing in the context of a big program
rindolf vixey: "let's spend 3 days creating a new language, and 1 day implementing the solution with it."
TimToady if it would take 10 days without the new language, it's worth it
rindolf TimToady: yeah.
rindolf TimToady: but this is the CL mentality.
vixey no it's not
rindolf Sometimes you can take 1 day to write an API.
vixey CL is too diverse you cannot generalize like that
rindolf vixey: I meant a common idiom there.
rindolf I think I'll /quit and do something productive.
rindolf Like work on Spark.
vixey another quote:
vixey how to write any computer program in two easy stages:
vixey Design and implement the programming language which would be best for solving the problem.
vixey Write the program in the language you’ve just implemented.
rindolf vixey: or just use Perl which is the best for everything.
vixey heh
TimToady the second step is obvious--the best language for the job is one that does the job on a null input
* pmichaud notes that vixey's algorithm is somewhat recursive
TimToady "All rules of thumb are false, including this one."
pmurias rindolf: when you feel like writing Common Lisp backends, contact me or mncharity ;)
Channel #perl6
Network Freenode
Tagline Lisp Dialects (Scheme, Common Lisp, Arc, Spark) Mentality and Usability

kilmo about the NSA


[Discussing the shortage of IT workers as of 1998 on E-mail]

Shlomi Fish to Omer Zak: "Even the NSA doesn’t have enough programmers. But it is not likely that they will have more and that’s because ‘Summerschool at the NSA’ may might as well be the name of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s next movie."

Omer Zak to Shlomi Fish: "And as opposed to ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer’ it is going to be scary."

Kilmo: why would you like to make fun of the crypto world ? ;) The NSA does know what you did last summer. And by putting this on the web, they know that you know.

Which may lead to interesting philosophical issues. BTW, in a conference I was attending we were given a sticker saying: "NSA - free email backup".

They still have some issue with the retrieval procedures, but besides of that - they are quite a trusted service.

Shlomi Fish: In my case, I think every random joe can learn a lot about me. Even if he’s not in Google or the NSA or whatever.

Kilmo: Yep. but this is a world-wide service that they offer. (Along with several cooperations, like MI5/6).

Author Shlomi Fish and Kilmo
Work Aphorisms Collection

What are you Working on?


Ran Eilam To Shlomi Fish: so what are you working on? Working on a new wiki about unit testing fortunes in freecell?

Author Ran Eilam
Work Jabber Conversation

My blog post got chromatic’d


Well, despite the fact that I hardly publicised my last essay about the "Closed Books", it has been chromatic’d. Rumours are that all the bloggers whose blog posts/essays were deprecated on chromatic’s blog are now rich, famous and the object of the affection of many attractive members of the appropriate sex. Memo to self: prepare a limited edition T-shirt: "My blog post was chromatic’d. I pwn you as a blogger."

Author Shlomi Fish
Work "Dealing with Approval Addiction (and Implied Stress Periods)

Birth of an Editor


Richard M. Stallman (RMS) decides to release his brand-new editor, "Emacs" on the CPAN with its first version 29.999.99. In order to package it, he invokes the trusty ol’ module-starter (see which creates a skeleton of a CPAN distribution for him.

He fills in the skeleton with the actual code of Emacs, types "perl Build.PL", and "./Build test" and makes sure all the tests pass. Then he types "./Build config --gui" and gets a nice GUI to configure the various parameters of the Module meta-data.[M-B-Data]

In the GUI, Richard goes to the Trove categorisation tab, and selects categories. This is done in a similar way to Freshmeat’s project categorisation dialog (a list of options to the left, with selected options to the right and arrows to move them left or right, while allowing multiple select options.). He chooses such categories as "Programming Language :: Lisp", and "Intended Audience :: Emacs Users", "Operating System :: GNU", and "Topic :: Editors". (Note: I believe the category list should be fetched using a public web-service to keep them up-to-date.)

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Functional Spec for the CPAN Classification Proposal

Second Birth of an Editor


After several weeks of having the editor on CPAN, Richard has received many patches, and wrote a lot of code on his own. Now Emacs is not only an editor but a calendar tool, an Eliza program, a web browser, a mail user agent and many other things.

So in order to release version 30.000.00 he needs to update the categorisation. He runs ./Build config --gui again, and adds more categories. However, he enters too many categories (because Emacs now does them all), and the GUI refuses to save the file because it will overflow the limit that the web-service specified the CPAN classification services allow to handle. So Richard keeps only the important categories, adds more tags, and saves it.

He then tests the distribution again, and uploads the new distribution to the CPAN.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Functional Spec for the CPAN Classification Proposal

Microsoft Editing Macros


Bill Gates, CEO of Microsoft decides to use Richard Stallman’s Emacs as the basis of his company’s state-of-the-art product Microsoft Editing Macros™ Enterprise Edition XP .NET Professional. However since MS Editing Macros™ is a commercial, proprietary program which he intends to sell at computer stores, Bill is not going to upload it to the CPAN. He builds upon Emacs, sends patches to Richard and learns a lot about it.

When he’s finished building Microsoft Editing Macros™ he surfs to the Emacs homepage on CPAN, and adds some categories and tags of his own.

Eventually, enough people like Bill tag and categorise Emacs, and it gains more classification.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Functional Spec for the CPAN Classification Proposal

Looking Back at Your Old Habits


rindolf "Who's the idiot that wrote this code?"
rindolf That's what many people say when looking at their old code.
jkauffman "I can't believe I used to listen to this crap"
jkauffman that's what people say when they look back at their old music collection
rindolf jkauffman: I don't usually.
rindolf jkauffman: I am however, a bit ashamed of some of the shows I liked when I was younger.
rindolf jkauffman: they seem a bit cheesy now.
jkauffman yes, you're onto such better things now that you can fully appreciate the gilmore girls
rindolf jkauffman: you can never really appreciate The Gilmore Girls until you've watched it in the original Klingon.
Channel #perlcafe
Network Freenode
Tagline Looking Back at Your Old Habits

Really Extreme Programming


rindolf cl0ud: what's up?
cl0ud rindolf: just getting ready for work on this drizzly day
cl0ud rindolf: and feeling great
cl0ud rindolf: you?
rindolf cl0ud: sending an email to the Extreme Programming mailing list.
ik xtreme
ik rindolf: tell them that in order to be truly extreme, they need to ditch their pair-programming buddy system and start programming with spent ammunition and unexploded shells
rindolf ik: heh.
rindolf Extremist Programming
ik haha
rindolf Ik-stremist Programming.
ik :o
ispy_ What about Psycho Coding?
ispy_ :)
ispy_ PSYCoder <--- cool name for an editor :)
cl0ud Psychaudit <- memory tester
rindolf Neuraudit
ispy_ Hahah
Channel #perlcafe
Network Freenode
Tagline Really Extreme Programming

"You should shoot me"


Larry: final exams are on Tuesday and through Friday, so you won’t see me for a while, or if you do - then you should shoot me.

Shlomi: I Will shoot you with my cross-intertubes-laser-gun.

Larry: HAHAHA.

Shlomi: Which I don’t have.

Larry: Which network topology will you implement, for better accuracy ?

Shlomi: I’ll just depend on the standard TCP/IP routing. Overlay the laser on top of the TCP packets.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work IM Chat with Larry

God gave us…


God gave us two eyes and ten fingers so we will type five times as much as we read.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

Only wimps complain about bad code


Only wimps complain about bad code. Real men clean it up.

Shlomi Fish

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

Wikipedia has…


Wikipedia has a page about everything including the .

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

Hack, hack, hack…


shlomif: hack, hack, hack ; save ; make ; make test; commit. And start over.

mrjink:hack, hack, hack; save; make; swear; fix typos; save; make; make test; swear some more; hack some more; save; make; make test; cheer; commit.

meep: hack, make, test, segfault, oh noes, revert to previous revision

Author Shlomi Fish and Others
Work On Plurk.

Threat vs. Warning


Well, it’s not a threat - it’s a warning, and he won’t be harmed much by acting against my advice. A threat is something like "Stop posting political posts or I will burn your house, rape your wife and daughters, banish you to the middle of Antarctica, convert all your Perl code to PHP, and then post it on"

Regarding what you say that "no one cares if you unsubscribe", then this reminds me of what Fred Brooks says in "The Mythical Man-Month": "How does a project becomes late? One day at a time.". If you’re not careful, you might lose a large percent of your blog’s readership, one subscriber at a time.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work comment

Take that to a different channel


metaperl_work thank you
metaperl_work nothingmuch, i want to chat with you on kiokudb
rindolf Hi metaperl_work
confound you should chat with him on #kiokudb then
mst metaperl_work: you mean "about kiokudb"
metaperl_work rindolf, hi! long time no see
rindolf metaperl_work: yes.
metaperl_work we are talking in #kiokudb confound
rindolf metaperl_work: what have you been up to?
confound no, this is #moose!
metaperl_work confound, "we" = me and yuval
metaperl_work rindolf, well.... keeping Seamstress up to date
rindolf metaperl_work: yuval and I.
jhannah In related news: i'm chatting on my mobile phone
metaperl_work Moose is saving my life... SUPER handy
metaperl_work jhannah, what type of mobile phone?
rindolf metaperl_work: what is Seamstress?
purl Seamstress is really nothing anyway
confound it's on cpan
jhannah metaperl_work: please take that question to #jhannah_phones
mst jhannah++
stevan jhannah: which network, there doesnt seem to be anyone there
nothingmuch i think buffy might be a closet lesbian
* stevan HAS TO KNOW!!!!
stevan nothingmuch: duh
nothingmuch stevan: i think you kinda missed the joke =P
stevan take that to #closet-lesbian-vampire-slayers
jhannah i get jokes
rindolf stevan: LOL. stevan++
dhoss jhannah++
jhannah stevan: i have hundreds of invisible groupies in dozens of #jhannah_* channels. they are well trained to be quiet when interlopers lope in
Channel #moose
Network MAGNet
Tagline Take that to a different channel

Do you speak French?


rindolf uwd: what's up?
rindolf BTW, how has English become the official language of Singapore?
Altreus Viral marketing
uwd singapore has four official languages.
uwd one national one.
uwd also, politics.
uwd also, see wikipedia.
Altreus it knows all
Altreus [citation needed]
ik rindolf: it's a byproduct of the Richard Nixon / Henry Ford's campaign for chief taxonomist of western Nepal
ik (a coveted position)
Altreus taxonomist!
rindolf Wikpedia has an article about everything including the
Altreus They are in charge of taxis!
Altreus disambiguation pages make me sad :(
ik I like the disambiguity!
rindolf ik: heh
uwd i like disambiguation pages. they say "this thing you seek... it is not only one thing, you see? no, no, mon ami, this world, she is too big to contain only one of everything, eh?"
Altreus :D you talk like dee
uwd what.
Altreus wat
Altreus That message you said in French could have been typed by dee!
Altreus except it was you.
Altreus you doubleyou dee
uwd it was in English, actually.
Altreus okay
Altreus But it had some French in it
Altreus !
ik Two words! Four, if you count "no". Twice.
rindolf Yes, it sounded French to me too.
Altreus no is not french
rindolf non is.
Altreus oui!
Altreus elle n'a pas dit non
rindolf In any case saying "She" of the world is also a Frenchism.
rindolf Je ne sais pas.
ik But it's not french
rindolf Parlez vous anglais?
uwd it is also a generic Euroism.
Altreus oui
Altreus England is Europe too :(
uwd so not that French.
pkrumins Je m'appelle Pierre
rindolf pkrumins: heh.
pkrumins Je suis 24 ans!
Altreus Gods, the number of times I got contradicted at school for knowing that England was in Europe
pkrumins Je h'abite Riga
uwd Altreus: dude, given that was mostly English, i don't see why the sadface.
rindolf Tu s'appelle Peteris
Altreus it's no wonder stupid people make me violent
pkrumins Je'abite
rindolf pkrumins: not en Riga?
pkrumins maybe
rindolf or de Riga?
Altreus uwd: hmm
rindolf J'abite, non?
Altreus I seem to sadface a lot more than is necessary due to how I'm never actually sad
pkrumins Oui.
Altreus rindolf: habite
pkrumins Je monger a macdo.
Altreus il y a un h
pkrumins Je travailler on ordinator
pkrumins a programmator.
pkrumins Oui.
Altreus en!
Altreus probably au tbh
Altreus but a l' because vowel
uwd l'ordinator?
Altreus And travaille is the first-person present participle
Altreus And -eur
Altreus But mostly right!
uwd why -eur?
* Altreus pats pkrumins on the back
Altreus ordinateur
pkrumins tehe.
pkrumins jadone chats
Altreus I wonder if a pink one is an ordinateuse
pkrumins (or was it chiens)
uwd it's so much easier to say she and mon ami and have people think it's french than actually speak french...
pkrumins i think chats
pkrumins j'adore chats
pkrumins jaim a perl chat
Shiyiya jain n'est pas un mot
Shiyiya *jaim
Altreus j'aime
Shiyiya aussi jadone n'est pas un mot
pkrumins hmm
pkrumins pawings
pkrumins all i can say
rindolf pkrumins: chien is a dog.
rindolf I think.
Shiyiya Ues, chien is dog
Shiyiya *Yes
rindolf chat
rindolf chatte for feminine
Channel #perl-cats
Network Freenode
Tagline How good is your French?

What does IDK stand for?


What does "IDK" stand for? I don’t know.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

PHP Error Debug List


PHP error debug list:

1) did you use the correct argument order? if you’re a good programmer, use the *reverse* from what you think it is. see if it works. no? you’re not a good programmer, or you learned php’s braindeadness and can go on to step 2).

2) did you think about your code? if so, don’t. php will do it for you so you can do mindbogglingly stupid stuff, such as not escape the data that goes into your sql queries.

Author Dazjorz
Work MSN Conversation between Dazjorz and Shlomi Fish

More Geek Facts about Chuck Norris


Su-Shee rindolf: yes, I played with Squeak a little and yes I'd like a vim clone written in perl.
Makoryu Why isn't there one already, then?
Makoryu (A vim clone in Perl)
Su-Shee good question. there's one in javascript :)
rindolf Su-Shee: actually , it's a vi clone.
rindolf Writing a vi clone is much easier than writing a vim clone.
rindolf Just like writing a Scheme clone is much easier than writing a Perl 6 implementation.
rindolf Unless you're Chuck Norris.
Su-Shee rindolf: darn.. he already wrote a vim in perl6?
moritz_ no, he scared K&R into writing it ;-)
rindolf Su-Shee: Chuck Norris is the ghost author of the entire Debian GNU/Linux distribution.
rindolf Su-Shee: and he wrote it in 24 hours, while taking snack breaks.
Su-Shee rindolf: yes, I know - he published slackware under the pseudonym patrick volkerding...
rindolf Chuck Norris read the entire Wikipedia. Twice.
araujo the second time includes fixing all its errors
moritz_ but he didn't commmit his changes, it seems
rindolf moritz_: heh.
rindolf LOL.
araujo Chuck Norris doesn't commit changes, the changes commit for him
araujo :)
rindolf Code is too scared of Chuck to be wrong.
rindolf It is generated right in the first time.
rindolf Bugs are too afraid to reproduce on Chuck Norris' computer.
Su-Shee .o(I see a chuck norris release on the horizon... ;)
rindolf Su-Shee: :-)
Su-Shee we could ask chuck norris if he's willing to promote the star release.. ;)) (which probably kill the entire internet due to laughter.. :)
araujo Perl 6 - A Chuck Norris like language
dukeleto Chuck Norris has actually been using Perl 6 since 1987, and has been waiting for Larry to play catch-up. :)
rindolf dukeleto: LOL.
rindolf Perl 6 - Kicks ass like Chuck.
Su-Shee rakudo - chuck's choice ;)
Su-Shee well, camelia and chuck norris go well together. ;)
rindolf OK.
rindolf Of course everybody know Chuck Norris is a real programmer.
rindolf He designs machines by combining individual atoms.
rindolf Using his thought.
rindolf Atoms obey Chuck Norris.
Su-Shee rindolf: you obviously have been starved and deprived of super hero comics in your childhood :)
Channel #perl6
Network Freenode
Tagline What you could assume was true about Chuck Norris

Give me ASCII


Give me ASCII or give me deaþ!

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

Technion Ways


In the Technion, there are many ways to get from one place to the other, but they are all the same length.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

Sjors the Awayer


shlomif Hi Sjors the Awayer!
sjors Hi Shlomi the, uh
sjors Onliner! :P
shlomif I am not an Awayer!
shlomif I am a free man.
shlomif Onlinerer, heh.
shlomif Touche.
sjors ;)
sjors or is Awayer some kind of Hebrew word?
shlomif No, it's not.
shlomif It's pig-English for someone who is Away.
shlomif We don't have a "w" sound in modern Hebrew (replaced by "v" a-la-German) but most Israelis have no problems pronouncing it.
shlomif I have problems pronouncing th (maths) and dh (there).
shlomif Even though they did exist in Ancient Hebrew.
sjors many Dutch people have problems saying th too
sjors earth
sjors they say it eart
shlomif Ah.
sjors I tink
shlomif I say it ers
shlomif Heh.
shlomif You seem to be in a funny mood too.
sjors I tink you are dere
sjors hehe
shlomif How's school?
sjors I've been feeling great lately :)
shlomif But OTOH you're a funny guy, anyway.
shlomif I think Zuu from ##programming is the comedian king of Denmark.
sjors haha
shlomif J/K.
shlomif I know many Israelis who are funnier than me IRL.
shlomif Or maybe also online.
sjors I know many Dutch people funnier than me
shlomif Ah.
shlomif IRL?
sjors And online, I think
sjors Meh
sjors I've been playing openttd
sjors but those damn trains
sjors are SO STUBBORN
shlomif Well, no offence, but you're not the funniest person online.
sjors it's annoying me
shlomif I've known.
shlomif Sometimes trolls can be funny.
shlomif Larry Wall seems a bit less funny on IRC than on Usenet or E-mail.
shlomif But he's not always funny.
shlomif IRL, he's really funny.
shlomif He gives funny presentations.
sjors I don't have the place in ottd to *force* them to do the right thing, but they do stuff like making 90 degree corners, stopping three other trains in their tracks, just because it's like a millisecond shorter than the other route
shlomif Though I think they always get more serious towards the end.
sjors hm :)
shlomif Is it a commercial game?
sjors OpenTTD?
shlomif I once gave a lightning talk about Template Toolkit and people laughed at the same slide twice , because I gave it twice due to a presentation equipment.
shlomif Ah.
shlomif The Open says everything.
sjors yep :)
shlomif I once gave a lightning talk about Template Toolkit and people laughed at the same slide twice , because I gave it twice due to a presentation equipment SNAFU*.
shlomif Gotta love Ctrl+Up.
shlomif Gotta love Ctrl+Up.
shlomif I think we've been there, though.
sjors hehe
shlomif Old joke.
sjors Didn't know it
shlomif I told you about it a long time ago.
shlomif It was you I think.
shlomif And then we did a session of two messages in a row.
sjors ah
sjors :P
shlomif You know what S-exprsessions are, right?
shlomif Indeed. No space bar.
shlomif Gotta press alt+032
shlomif Or something.
sjors hmm
sjors I don't have a numeric keypad
shlomif Ah.
shlomif Mac O Sucks.
shlomif Mac O Sucky Computers.
shlomif No offence, I hope.
sjors Hands off my Mac! ;)
shlomif It's mine! All mine!
shlomif My precioussssssssssss.
shlomif I'll make a fortune out of this conversation, I think.
Channel #sjors-and-rindolf
Network MSN Messnenger
Tagline Sjors the Awayer

Reflections on Trusting Documentation


whoppix Quick git question, perhaps someone knows the answer: I have a file in my git tree (locally and in the repository), but I want git to ignore the file completely, i.e. git is not to touch the file on the filesystem by updating it or merging local changes into the repostiroy
rindolf whoppix: you can use .gitignore
rindolf I think
whoppix rindolf, hmm, good idea, thanks.
whoppix that was slow.
whoppix rindolf, hm, I think git update-index --assume-unchanged is what I need.
whoppix .gitignore is only for untracked files
rindolf whoppix: OK, have no clue what that is.
rindolf Git is so complicated.
rindolf And so opaque
whoppix rindolf, me neither, but the doc tells me to use that.
rindolf whoppix: can you believe the docs?
rindolf The docs may be lying.
rindolf Don't trust the docs.
rindolf Don't trust anything.
rindolf You're all alone.
rindolf It's you against the machine.
rindolf When in doubt, use the source code.
rindolf Not some sissy documentation.
whoppix right
whoppix I'll have some of what you've been smoking
rindolf whoppix: I'm 100% clean.
Channel #perlcafe
Network Freenode
Tagline Reflections on trusting documentation

Emulating cats on #jquery


→ruby_on_tails has joined #jquery
* rindolf removes ruby_on_tails off his tail and meows.
* ruby_on_tails throws his paws at rindolf and scratches his face
rindolf Fight!
* rindolf hisses at ruby_on_tails
* rindolf curves his back.
* rindolf is not a cat, he thinks, so why does he says that?
rindolf On the Internet, no one knows you're a cat.
* ruby_on_tails deep-scratches rindolf's ass
rindolf Is there a word for a female cat.
rindolf ruby_on_tails: truce?
ruby_on_tails tiger b-)
ruby_on_tails B-)
rindolf ruby_on_tails: all felines are friends.
rindolf We must be united against our common enemy.
rindolf Dogs or whatever.
* ruby_on_tails unites all breeds of cats against rindolf
rindolf ruby_on_tails: I am not the cats' no. 1 enemy.
ruby_on_tails you are :P
rindolf ruby_on_tails: heh.
ruby_on_tails lol
rindolf ruby_on_tails: :-)
rindolf "Cats of the world - unite!"
ruby_on_tails they are already united
ruby_on_tails Andy-: ajax form submission
rindolf ruby_on_tails++ # Despite being a cat god in an awfully bad mood.
ruby_on_tails :P
rindolf "Ceiling cat is watching you."
rindolf ruby_on_tails: I totally dig the lolcat web-cartoons.
rindolf I derive a sick pleasure from them.
ruby_on_tails I just watch tom n jerry
rindolf Well, not really sick.
rindolf ruby_on_tails: tom is kinda stupid.
rindolf He's the cat, right?
ruby_on_tails yea
ruby_on_tails but he's got determination till the end :>
rindolf There's also Rita and Runt (sp?) in Animaniacs.
rindolf Rita is a smart cat.
Channel #jquery
Network Freenode
Tagline Felines of the world - unite!

English Spelling


English spelling aims to be consistent. Publicly and methodically.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

Virtual Money


shlomif BTW, have you read my stories yet?
Sjors I haven’t
shlomif Ah.
shlomif "If you read my stories, I’ll give you 1,000,000 virtual dollars."
Sjors Causing me to have a lot of extra virtual time!
shlomif And be virtually rich.
shlomif And then you can virtually bribe virtual politicians.
shlomif And buy a lot of virtual goods.
shlomif LOL.
Sjors Then, I’d be virtually happy
Sjors Too bad... :P
shlomif It’s a virtual win-win situation.
shlomif You can hire many virtual programmers to write a lot of virtual code for KMess.
shlomif "My old virtual dad used to say to me: ‘virtual money does not bring you virtual happiness, my virtual son.’"
Channel Shlomi Fish and Sjors
Network MSN
Tagline Virtual money.

Top vs. Bottom Posting


TDDPirate Shlomi_Fish and me engaged in a religious argument - top posting vs. bottom posting.
TDDPirate What is your side (Pepy)?
Pepy hmm
Pepy bottom posting
Pepy i guess
Pepy well,guess bottom posting is winning then
Shlomi_Fish Heh.
TDDPirate Pepy: may you be damned, filthy heretic! TOP POSTING IS THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE WAY ! ! ! !
Shlomi_Fish TDDPirate: you are past redemption, you archangel of evil!
TDDPirate Shlomi_Fish: not to speak of your vile and wicked bottom posting ways!
Pepy so
Pepy go go bottom posting
Shlomi_Fish Pepy: that’s the way to go.
TDDPirate The way to go - if you want to be DOOMED! TO! ETERNAL! FIRES! OF! HELL!
Shlomi_Fish Top posting is for the weak and timid! I will challenge all top-posters to a Batelath contest for undermining the HONOUR of the entire Klingon race!
TDDPirate Don’t dare to defile the honor of the honorable Klingon Race by dragging them into this argument!
Pepy Sujatlh ‘e’ yImev TodSaH!
Shlomi_Fish Pepy: nice klingon.
Pepy thanks shlomi
TDDPirate Is this Klingon? And if yes, what does this mean?
Pepy yes it is
Pepy and it means “shut up geeks”
Shlomi_Fish Pepy: I may be a geek, but I’m a true klingon geek-warrior!
TDDPirate Nice use of the language, Pepy.
Shlomi_Fish And a true Klingon geek warrior ALWAYS bottom-posts.
Pepy no no,true Klingons have power to change quoted tops
TDDPirate Pepy: do you mean that Klingons have the power to defile and make filthy of sacred E-mail messages?
Pepy no,but they’re used to “edit” history
Pepy ah, when they ask me how the hell I managed to write so good band propositions
Pepy I’ll tell em,the secret is to chat with geeks about top vs bottom posting
Channel Shlomi Fish, TDDPirate and Pepy
Network MSN
Tagline Bottom vs. Top Posting.

FOSS Versioning


d3x btw, you can do mplayer -dumpaudio -dumpfile file.mp3
d3x no need to reencode
rindolf This -dumpfile is a nice trick.
rindolf Is it new?
rindolf I wonder when mplayer will hit 1.0 already.
rindolf Ah.
rindolf All the stuff I saw told me to use WAV and then encode.
d3x mplayer and 1.0? i'm not really sure it's their goal
rindolf They will stay at 1.0RC-foo forever?
d3x although i would be glad if they had some sensible versioning
rindolf Yes.
rindolf At the moment perl-Mojolicious is at 0.999924.
rindolf At least perl-Moose hit 1.00
d3x lol
rindolf Without any substantial changes from 0.99.
rindolf But you've got to upgrade somehow.
rindolf perl-Moose is MDV/RH notation, but I like it.
d3x imo it's just stupid not to release 1.0
rindolf I dislike libmoose-perl
rindolf Yes.
d3x wine did so and now they have normal versioning
rindolf Though most of my CPAN modules are sub-1.0.
rindolf I think except for one module (where I used 0.2.0 0.4.0 and eventually hit 0.8.0 and had to go to 1.000) all my 1.0 and above modules are adopted.
d3x they are sub-1.0, but they are not 0.9.999.2010.03.11-rc5
d3x :)
rindolf One of them used the CVS revisions as versions.
rindolf d3x : LOL.
rindolf Yes.
rindolf d3x: can I quote you on that?
d3x i say it's stupid to make releases up to 0.9.something and then not to release 1.0
rindolf I collect quotes on my homepage.
d3x sure you can
rindolf At the moment I have freecell-solver-2.42.0
rindolf But I hope the new release will be 3.0.0
d3x the one that was bought by freecell enterprise? :D
rindolf I've left GNOME and gtk+/glib behind.
rindolf d3x yes.
rindolf Freecell Solver Enterprises™ Inc.
rindolf Ah, so you've seen that.
d3x yes, you posted a link on #debian
rindolf Yes.
rindolf You should add a digest to the version.
rindolf 0.9.999.2010.03.11-rc5-adc83b19e793491b1c6ea0fd8b46cd9f32e592fc
d3x lol
rindolf In case you're using git or hg.
Channel private conversation
Network Freenode
Tagline d3x and Shlomi Fish (rindolf) about FOSS Versioning

Not a bug on #offtopic on OFTC


rindolf sarnold: you go to OGI?
sarnold rindolf: no; but my boss and a co-worker are professors there, and other co-workers earned degrees there..
rindolf sarnold: OK.
muli sarnold, have you got one of those pesky things?
sarnold muli: just Bachelor of Arts .. no Masters or Ph.D...
rindolf sarnold: B.Sc or B.A.?
muli rindolf, Bachelor of Arts is B.A.
rindolf muli: I know. But I was just checking.
sarnold rindolf: ah, you’re right, B.Sc.. I chickened out on the language requirements :)
rindolf muli: see?? LOL.
muli rindolf, sometimes, two bugs cancel each other.
rindolf muli: wisely spoken.
rindolf But mine wasn’t a bug - it was a sanity check.
Channel #offtopic
Network OFTC
Tagline Not a bug

#ruby-lang and #ruby


rindolf Hi all.
rindolf Why are there both #ruby and #ruby-lang ?
erikh mmm
erikh some questions
erikh you know
erikh they're best not asked :)
rindolf erikh: "The first rule of the fight club is you don't talk about the fight club."
erikh pretty much.
raggi no, you punch them in the face until they get the message
erikh raggi: haha. hi man.
Judofyr The first rule of #ruby-lang is you don't talk about #ruby.
Channel #ruby-lang
Network Freenode
Tagline #ruby-lang and #ruby

How to market your Rails Book?


Radar and on a completely unrelated note
rindolf Radar: I know it's rehearsed, but I prefer reading dark on bright rather than the opposite.
rindolf Radar: let me see if there's an alternate stylesheet.
Radar rindolf: Command+Option+Control+8
workmad3 heh
rindolf Radar: I'm not on a Mac.
Radar rindolf: then whatever the shortcut is for you to invert your screen.
rindolf Radar: Firefox 4.0 on Mandriva Linux Cooker on an old P4-2.4GHz.
rindolf Radar: yeah....
rindolf Radar: that way XChat and Pidgin will be in technicolour.
workmad3 Radar: so, once you've gotten Rails 3.1 in Action out, are you going to be going for Rails 3.2 in Action on Windows?
rindolf Well, I applied a no-stylesheet.
Radar workmad3: Rails 3.2 in Action on Windows(r) 7(tm) actually.
workmad3 Radar: I'll reserve my copy now :D
rindolf Radar: good luck with that.
rindolf Radar: will the book be available online for free view/download?
workmad3 rindolf: a windows book? for free?
workmad3 are you crazy???
rindolf workmad3: Windows?
rindolf workmad3: it's about Rails.
Radar rindolf: no it will cost money
rindolf Radar: ah, OK. :-(
workmad3 Rails 3.2 In Action on Windows(r) 7(tm)
workmad3 it'll cost big bucks!!
rindolf workmad3: heh.
rindolf Ultimate Premium.
Radar Yes, I'm going to spend a year of my life writing a book and then release it for free, yay
Radar how about no?
workmad3 Radar: don't forget the Enterprise Rails 3.2 on Windows In Action 7(tw)
workmad3 you can charge double for that one... it has enterprise in the title!
Radar workmad3: how did you know about the third installment of the trilogy?! only Yehuda and I know of that
workmad3 Radar: I'm really yehuda in disguise
workmad3 dammit... I should have waited 25 mins to reveal that...
rindolf Radar: well, I'm now working on an EPUB of but DocBook/XML is giving me some grief in generating a valid EPUB.
rindolf I think I'll fix the EPUB manually.
rindolf I'll have to study the EPUB format.
rindolf Radar: it's a story - not a technical book.
rindolf Radar: - this took me several years to work on (well not 100% of the time) and it's mostly CC-by.
workmad3 rindolf: who'd pay for stuff on perl though? :P
rindolf workmad3: you'd be surprised.
workmad3 rindolf: I doubt it
rindolf workmad3: I think chromatic's latest "Modern Perl" book was a smashing success.
workmad3 my sense of surprise has been surgically removed
rindolf workmad3: even though it was available online the whole time.
rindolf workmad3: but Perl is a bit passé and established.
rindolf Radar: people will torrent your book/etc.
workmad3 also, I think I need to colour my sarcastic text differently
rindolf workmad3: ah, OK.
workmad3 or maybe just my non-sarcastic text
rindolf chromatic did an awesome job.
workmad3 would probably be easier
rindolf Use <sarcasm> ... </sarcasm>
workmad3 too much typing
rindolf Human XML.
rindolf Write an IRC client macro for that.
workmad3 I'll just put <nonsarcasm> when I'm not being sarcastic
rindolf Heh.
workmad3 assume that previous one was escaped
rindolf XSS!
rindolf 1+1 = 2. [citation needed]
rindolf I like this channel.
rindolf But I admit I'm not big into rails.
workmad3 it doesn't like you
workmad3 it's looking at you funny
workmad3 muttering under it's breath
workmad3 :P
rindolf Most of my sites are hosted on something which I don't care what it runs or alternatively static HTML sites.
rindolf workmad3: :-)
rindolf I'm so making a fortune out of this conversation.
rindolf workmad3: have you ever considered being a stand-up comedian?
workmad3 rindolf: nah... I'm too lazy
rindolf workmad3: ah.
workmad3 rindolf: if I could sit down while doing it, I'd be a millionaire :P
rindolf workmad3: heh.
rindolf workmad3: more like a milliardaire.
Channel #rubyonrails
Network Freenode
Tagline workmad3 drives Radar and rindolf mad.

Aleena’s Little Perl Boys


Diablo-D3 Feminists
Diablo-D3 So anti-womans rights douchebags.
rindolf Diablo-D3: well, I don't know too much about how feminism relates to the global women-lib movement.
rindolf I do know I kinda hate feminazis, which I consider a subset of feminists.
Diablo-D3 It's a bunch of women who are pissed than other women are getting dicked more often than them.
rindolf Diablo-D3: heh.
Diablo-D3 So they "hate" men, but secretly want to be tied to a bed and boned repeatedly.
Lady_Aleena Diablo-D3, please don't lump me in that group.
Diablo-D3 Lady_Aleena: thats up to you, not me
Diablo-D3 I do not create feminists, I only laugh at them
rindolf Lady_Aleena: I don't think you're a feminazi.
rindolf Lady_Aleena: you're really cool.
rindolf Lady_Aleena: at least on IRC.
Lady_Aleena Thanks... :)
Lady_Aleena Though I still want to break a guy's fingers.
rindolf Lady_Aleena: and don't take what Diablo-D3 says seriously.
Lady_Aleena I try to keep an open mind.
Diablo-D3 rindolf: hey now
rindolf Lady_Aleena: well, you or I can want to kill some people and it's OK as long as we don't actually do it.
Lady_Aleena rindolf, NOT kill, maim.
Diablo-D3 any woman who tries to take away the rights of other women should be flogged in the town square.
Lady_Aleena One can not change the mind of the dead.
Lady_Aleena However, one can change the minds of the maimed.
rindolf Lady_Aleena: in one of my stories (still work in progress), the protagonist wants to punch her boyfriend, but she knows better than that and so just goes away frustrated.
rindolf Lady_Aleena: let me translate that part to English.
Diablo-D3 rindolf: thats boring!
rindolf Diablo-D3: :-)
Lady_Aleena She should have kneed him in the nuts.
rindolf Diablo-D3: maybe she should shoot him with a bazooka.
Diablo-D3 Clearly the chick should hit the guy, the guy should hit back, and then they should have wild sex.
rindolf Diablo-D3: it's in public.
Lady_Aleena UH! S&M!
Lady_Aleena rindolf, the best place.
rindolf Diablo-D3: it's actually an anti-thesis to a lot of Hollywoodian stuff.
rindolf Lady_Aleena: to have wild sex?
Lady_Aleena rindolf, sure, why not?
Lady_Aleena A dom makes her sub perform sexual acts on demand, no matter the place. If insufficient the sub is flogged.
Lady_Aleena s/A dom/A dom, with no inhibitions,/;
* Lady_Aleena giggles.
Lady_Aleena I think I just sent 2 men running for their mommies.
Diablo-D3 no, we're too busy fapping.
Lady_Aleena Good.
Lady_Aleena Good little perl boy…
Diablo-D3 lol
Diablo-D3 evil Lady_Aleena
Lady_Aleena Bad perl boy, no cookies...
* Lady_Aleena is now known as Mistress_Aleena
rindolf Mistress_Aleena: heh.
* Mistress_Aleena laughs.
rindolf Well, that scene continues.
rindolf In the balcony.
rindolf They end up making out.
rindolf I can translate more I guess.
Mistress_Aleena No need.
rindolf Mistress_Aleena: maybe you should be Madame_Aleena
* Mistress_Aleena is now known as Madame_Aleena
rindolf I wonder if I should make a fortune out of this conversation.
rindolf It's a bit Rish instead of PG-13ish.
Madame_Aleena little rindolf, go for the X.
rindolf Madame_Aleena: X!
rindolf X marks the spot.
rindolf X-Windows.
Madame_Aleena Yes it does, little rindolf.
rindolf Maybe you should be Hotbabe_Aleena
rindolf Madame_Aleena: BTW, did you register Mistress_Aleena and Madame_Aleena ?
Madame_Aleena Yes.
Channel #perlcafe
Network Freenode
Tagline Go for the X.

Star Trek: We, the Living Dead - Katie Meets Moses


Shlomo: Mosheh, remember I told you about Katie?

Mosheh: oh yeah! She looks cute when she’s angry.

Katie: Moses, right?

Mosheh: that’s right.

Katie: well, in case you have any interest in me, I should note that I have a policy against getting involved with people who are 4 times my senior or more.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Star Trek: “We, the Living Dead”

The One with the Fountainhead: Dinosaur


Ross: I can’t believe he could not tell the other guy wasn’t really a dinosaur.

Chandler: Well, cartoon characters usually have a difficulty seeing through disguises.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work The One with the Fountainhead (Part 1)

The One with the Fountainhead: Joey Reading the Fountainhead


Ross: You’ve already read it (= the Fountainhead)?

Joey: Yeah [puts the book down]. I was in acting school, and the guys decided to throw a discussion on it. So, I decided that I’ll read the book so I can make a good impression on the ladies if y’know what I mean…

Rachel: Yep, we know what you mean.

Monica: So, did you get laid that night?

Joey: No. I spent the entire night discussing The Fountainhead. [pause] Interesting book.

Chandler: Must have been one of the most stimulating nights of your life.

Joey: Not quite as much as the next night.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work The One with the Fountainhead (Part 1)

The One with the Fountainhead: Would you write the Fountainhead today the same way?


Joey: Hey, know what we can do, so I can get prepared for the audition? Let’s role-play our own version of "The Fountainhead".

Rachel: Our own version? Why would we want to write our own version of it! This book is great.

The others: "Yes." "One of the best books I ever read." "Can’t get better than this"

Joey: Come on, if you wanted to write it today, would you write the same book?


Phoebe: Well, for one thing: didn’t it bother you that Dominique Francon, the main female character, didn’t do anything in the best years of her life, except like… sleeping with people?

Ross: yeah. All the characters in fact do nothing in the 20’s and 30’s, except maybe build a couple of buildings.

Joey: If you ask me: the book is too slow-paced for the 90’s. I mean, in the 60’s it may have worked but we’re in the information age now.

Ross: Joey, "The Fountainhead" was written in 1943.

Joey: Yeah, but it was still good enough in the 60’s right? OK: our own version of "The Fountainhead" - here’s what I think it should look like

Author Shlomi Fish
Work The One with the Fountainhead (Part 1)

Humanity: Civilization


Voice: Earth - the initial frontier. Somewhere in the depths of space, on a remote planet you know as Earth, came up a relatively uncommon phenomenon: Civilization. What it means is that intelligent,

[A text on the screen with a beep - (?)]

Voice: conscious

[A text on the screen with the same beep - (?)]

Voice: Stop it!

[ A text on the screen with a different beep - (!) ]

Voice: Like I said, intelligent, conscious, people formed cities and countries, with a technology that became more and more advanced in time.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Humanity - The Movie

Rap to the Spam


Mike “The Mouse” House (a.k.a “D.J. Salinger”) was a minor rap artist, and a computer geek when he decided to start selling CDs of open-source software. He turned to spamming to publicise his business, but found out that the spam he sent was trapped by most spam traps. He decided to use the notorious obscured image spam, but since he had a few blind friends, decided to also include an audio recording of a rap song with the spam message.

House received a few offers from his spam campaign, but his real break came when a few enthusiasts of the spam song shared it on the Internet, where it became an instant hit. The song eventually hit the charts and MTV, and made D.J. Salinger famous, who quickly released his first successful album called Rap to the spam, Ma’am!, with such highly acclaimed hits as “Rap to not get trapped” and “He ain’t Nigerian. He’s a Spammer!”.

As a millionaire, House decided to donate some of his money back to sponsoring open-source projects, and has donated 100,000’s of U.S. Dollars to such causes as the Free Software Foundation, Linux International and SpamAssassin. “If it hadn’t been for them, I wouldn’t have made it big”, he said, and said he’s now working on a second album with a similar theme.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work “Spam for Everyone” - The Internationl Campaign for Accessible Spam

I promised, I forgot…


I promised, I forgot, I did not keep my promise — just shoot me, and get on with it!

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Original Philosopher


An original philosopher knows the right combination of ideas to steal.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

To err is human


  • To err is human - to apologise - divine.
  • To have bugs is human - to fix them - divine.
  • To have bugs is human - to find them - divine.
Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

I might be mad


I might be mad. But I’m a mad genius.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

If God exists…


If God exists and is the ego-maniacal, sadistic and helpless creature that is described in the Old Testament, then we’re in deep trouble.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Mathematical Riddle


Sophie: Let’s suppose you have a table with 2^n cups…
Jack: Wait a second - is ‘n’ a natural number?

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Significance of Being 18


A kid always wishes they were older until they are 18. Afterwards, they always wish they were younger.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Sorting the Dishes


Shlomi’s Father: If you don’t sort the dishwasher, the dishwasher won’t be sorted.

Shlomi: No, it won’t be sorted by me.

Shlomi’s Father: No, it won’t be sorted at all. We will throw away the dishwasher.

Together: Along with all the dishes.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Your Programming Language Must Suck


All languages of the world suck. If you require people to declare variables (like in Pascal, C, Scheme or Perl 5 with strict), then people will tell you they like variables to spring up upon first use. Without variable declarations, then you get various weird side-effects of the implicit scoping. If you use curly braces for scoping, then you’ll have to type more and there’s more clutter. With indentation-based scoping (like in Python), you’ll find it hard to introduce multiple-expression lambdas.

Rob Pike and Paul Graham hated object oriented programming (OOP) and so they didn’t introduce it in their “Go” and “Arc“ languages, well after OOP has become mainstream. And guess what? Many people, including me, think that OOP is still a good thing (and no, in my opinion, C++ did not do OOP very well) and so gave up on Arc quickly and did not look closely at Go.

Dynamically typed languages (like Perl 5, Python, Ruby, or Lisp) possibly suffer from many subtle errors ; Statically typed languages (like Haskell) are less expressive and it seems that about one third of the language design papers published on Lambda the Ultimate are about various funky extensions to the Haskell type system to allow for better expressiveness.

Purely functional languages have no assignment and most people find them harder, in part because the world around us has a lot of state, and they also need to do funky compiler tricks to make you feel like you don’t need assignment. Non-functional languages have side-effects and so are prone to many errors.

If you have goto or goto-like statements (such as exceptions or Perl 5’s “last LABEL;” (more like “break” in C) or “next LABEL;”), then you encourage code to not be factored correctly. If you don’t have such stuff, then programmers will hate you for having to go through many hoops to write quick-and-dirty code.

Perl 5 has a dedicated regular expression syntax which is treated magically by the parser. PHP and Java use strings for them, and require weird escaping and backslashing rules to interpolate the sub-regexes inside them. And if you incorporate a first-order syntax for regular expressions, then people will want similar first-order syntaxes for XPath, for XML (like some recent versions of Visual Basic .NET have), and for all other grammars you may need to embed.

Finally, many people absolutely hate all the clutter created by the leading sigils of Perl 5 (the "$", "@", etc.), and similar languages, but they allow for much better backward compatibility, facilitate the so-called “interpolation” (= embedding inside strings), and also give some important visual cues when skimming code (even without syntax highlighting).

You are damned either way, whatever you do.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Your Programming Language Must Suck

How many Wikipeders Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?


  • 1 User to start a article.
  • 1 editor to tag it with the “No original research” template. (Without giving a reason)
  • 3 users to find citations for the article.
  • 1 editor to claim it violates the wikipedia “Neutral Point of View policy”. (without giving a reason).
  • The original user to ask why he thinks this way on the talk page.
  • 5 users to find occurences of changing a light bulb in popular culture.
  • 1 anonymous user to correct an “it’s” to “its”.
  • 1 editor to revert it.
  • 1 editor to revert the revert because it was a real typo.
  • 10 users to rant in the talk page that Changing a lightbulb is not notable enough.
  • 10 Wikipeders to start similar articles in French, German, Spanish, Catalan, Esperanto, Ido, Hebrew, Klingon, Mandarin Chinese, and other languages.
  • 10 more people to periodically keep the articles in sync with the English version.
  • Starting the cycle again on the localised wikipedias.
  • 1 Person to argue that the article should be merged into the main article about the inventor of the lightbulb.
  • 5 People to argue on the talk-page who the inventor of the lightbulb was.
  • 1 Person to start a wikiquote page about changing lightbulbs.
  • 1 Person to add it to wikibook.
  • 4 persons to gradually delete content the section about “choosing a good chair” until it only reads “choose a good chair.”
  • 1 person to write it again.
  • 1 deletionist to remove the article due to all of its perceived problems.
  • 3 months from now:
  • 1 different user to feel the absense of the Changing_a_Light_Bulb article, create it and start the cycle all over again.
Author Shlomi Fish
Work How many Wikipeders does it take to Change a Light Bulb?

Shlomi Fish on 13 May 2009


As expected from the latest trend in the Perl blogosphere this post will be about Roles. And Moose! And Roles in Moose! And Moose in Roles! And Roles outside Moose…

Seriously now, this is a post about a completely non-Moosey and non-Roley script I wrote to filter the master journals' feed.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Meta: Script to Filter the Master Blogs' Feed

Russian Cuisine


rindolf Hi all.
Leuthihi O HAI rindolf
rindolf Leuthihi: HAI HAI.
rindolf Leuthihi: what's up?
Leuthihi rindolf: I'm hungry!
rindolf Leuthihi: there's one antidote for it.
rindolf Leuthihi: it's called Food.
rindolf Leuthihi: </bolt>
Leuthihi well, but what food?
Leuthihi and I need coffee
Leuthihi oh, I think I know what I'll have.
benwbrum_chez_so Chili. A big bowl of red, with crackers and onions on the side.
rindolf Leuthihi: does it matter?
Volis If it has to be some cuisine.
Volis Did I spell correctly?
rindolf Volis: spell what?
Volis oh yes.
Volis cuisine.
rindolf "cuisine" is spelt this way.
rindolf Yes.
rindolf It's a French word I think.
rindolf .ety cuisine
la_fen "1786, from Fr. cuisine 'style of cooking,' originally 'kitchen, cooking, cooked food' (12c.), from L.L. cocina, earlier coquina 'kitchen,' from L. coquere 'to cook' (see cook (n.))." -
rindolf OK, originally from Latin.
Volis nevermind. Which cuisine is the best?
Volis In general
rindolf Volis: I like many cuisines.
Gvidon Russian, of course
rindolf Volis: though most of the ethnic food is actually poor men's food.
rindolf Gvidon: Russian cuisine?
Gvidon rindolf: Yes
Leuthihi well, yes, because I need something to eat to be able to eat it.
rindolf Gvidon: what does it feature?
Volis Russian cuisine lacks flavour.
Gvidon rindolf: Vodka
rindolf Gvidon: ah.
Leuthihi In Soviet Russia, food tastes YOU!
rindolf Gvidon: I didn't know Vodka is nutritious
rindolf Leuthihi: :-)
Volis In Soviet Russia, They no longer use this meme. :P
Leuthihi Vodka has plenty of calories at least.
rindolf Gvidon: and I don't consume Alcoholic beverages in any quantity.
rindolf Volis: :-)
Leuthihi Volis: because: In Soviet Russia, meme uses You!
rindolf «In Soviet Russia, cats own you. Oh wait! They own you everywhere.»
Volis Considering the fact, i'm still underage. Please change the topic.
rindolf Volis: underage?
rindolf Volis: ah, you cannot drink?
Volis In Soviet Russia, left keeps you. Always.
Volis "Dear fellow driver, let left be for communist crap only"
Volis rindolf, Rules of the world.
Channel ##English
Network Freenode
Tagline Russian cuisine

E-mail, web feeds…


E-mail, web feeds and doing something productive — choose two.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Post

Wasting Time


The worst way to waste your time is to never waste it.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Unarmed but Still Dangerous Post

I’m Hungry Today


Sophie: I’m hungry today.
Jack: well wait until tomorrow - maybe this feeling will pass.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

We agree…


We agree. But do we agree to agree?

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

sed and awk…


sed and awk make me sad and awkward.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

linuxguy101 about Windows 8


linuxguy101 sebsebseb: i thought you were abducted by windows 8
rindolf sebsebseb: hi.
linuxguy101 rindolf: windows got him
rindolf linuxguy101: if you say so.
linuxguy101 he is trying to find that icon in windows 8 that has irc on it
linuxguy101 average users it usually will take a day or longer
linuxguy101 it is a productivity enhancer
rindolf linuxguy101: heh.
linuxguy101 rindolf: you must get windows 8
linuxguy101 it is an experience in windows you will never forget
rindolf linuxguy101: why?
linuxguy101 rindolf: it is like windows me and vista combined with a bunch of retarded programmers who cant speak the same lang
linuxguy101 it is jaw dropping
rindolf linuxguy101: sounds fascinating.
linuxguy101 i expect Microsoft will earn some rewards on this os
linuxguy101 like longest boot time.. Hardest os to use by a human. And most compatible os with itself ever made.
rindolf linuxguy101: :-)
linuxguy101 rindolf: you must switch to something less useful and more productive like windows 8
linuxguy101 think of the hours you could spend on windows 8.. remember it is retro
rindolf linuxguy101: retrofitted?
linuxguy101 rindolf: yes.. down to 2 or 4 colors.. steve balmer in a cocaine brain storming meeting with the developers decided to move to a gui that was un pattoned so they invented retro.. simple and stupid colors a 4 year old child could barely read or draw
linuxguy101 he called it retro
rindolf Retro.
linuxguy101 clearly a first in computing history
rindolf Now I get the joke.
rindolf Metro is Retro.
linuxguy101 oh it is no joke.. just wait for windows 8 lack of sales prompt stever balmer to shove it down into the updates for windows 7
linuxguy101 on a side note, did you know that linux is becoming more popular now days?
linuxguy101 i dont know why..
linuxguy101 rindolf: you really should try windows 8
linuxguy101 at least virtual box it..
rindolf linuxguy101: maybe I should, but I'm not going to shell out money for the experience.
linuxguy101 Warning!: using windows 8 may cause massive hysteria, laughing and vomiting in some cases..
linuxguy101 the first time i used windows 8 i laughed uncontrolably for several hours and almost wet myself
Channel #mageia-social
Network Freenode
Tagline Win 8, Lose 9

The English Wikipedia


The English Wikipedia: now you don’t see it - now you do.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

Chat in #objectivism about Publicity


rindolf Hi all.
srogers howdy
rindolf srogers: hi, what's up?
srogers work, mostly
srogers "one of those days"
rindolf Ah.
rindolf Work.
rindolf I'm enjoying my unemployed status.
rindolf And after all that hospital thing is behind me, I'd like to go to and set up some events where I read from my writings/etc.
rindolf To gain some esteem.
rindolf I contacted an Israeli publisher about publishing some of my stories and/or essays, but they didn't return to me after more than a month (which is their designated limit).
rindolf And after reminding them on the phone, I gave up.
rindolf Well, I'm not going to sit idly and expect recognition to come to me.
rindolf Maybe I'll use some of my Project Wonderful money to gain some publicity.
rindolf I could try publicising some of my works on various sites such as
srogers Yeah - promote yourself
rindolf srogers: yes.
rindolf srogers: I think that was the main mistake of Howard Roark in The Fountainhead.
rindolf He should have worked more on publicity.
srogers ha - if only he had Facebook . . .
rindolf Heh.
Channel Objectivism
Network Freenode
Tagline Bringing the mountain to Muhammad

Chat in #gnu about Domains, FOSS and Wikipedia


mrout Who likes freedom?
rindolf mrout: freedom++
Younos just give me my beer
rindolf Younos: heh.
rindolf No beer for you!
Younos aww :o(
mrout I’m in non-freedom mode atm actually, using Windoze
mrout for teh gamez
rindolf mrout: OK.
mrout but when I restart into Linux I respect the freedoms of myself and others
rindolf mrout: OK.
Younos you should respect it regardless of the platform
rindolf mrout: maybe try reporting it as a bug in WINE/etc.
rindolf mrout: the GNU project encourages FOSS developers to port their software to non-free platforms.
rindolf Though there was a small backlash about it (at least for Windows) a while ago.
alfplayer encourages?
mrout rindolf: I sure hope it does. if we can encourage users to try FOSS software on non-free platforms, they might more easily learn about FOSS and about how to protect their freedoms
rindolf - I provide a Windows binary for this. :-)
mrout Many users don’t even know they can get software that respects their freedoms.
rindolf alfplayer: well, don't know if encourage, but it doesn't hold a stand against it.
rindolf alfplayer: and a lot of GNU software can be built fine on Windows (And proprietary UNIXes).
alfplayer rindolf: that's very different imo
alfplayer rindolf: yes, like gcc and emacs
mrout btw is rms ever on here? He gave a talk at my local university a few years ago, and I never got a chance to talk to him.
rindolf - also see this.
mrout lol
rindolf mrout: I don't think he uses IRC.
rindolf mrout: he also doesn't use a graphical web browser.
rindolf mrout: though he does read the web sometimes.
mrout rindolf: i haven’t installed X yet, so neither do I. haha
rindolf He commented on a few pages on my site.
rindolf When he visited Israel, I told RMS that I felt making Freecell Solver Public Domain (now it's MIT/X11L) was appropriate given its target audience, and he said he thought making it GPLed would encourage more users of programs that used it to make them FOSS.
rindolf He also said it was OK that (now did not release their backend as free software.
rindolf mrout: ah.
rindolf mrout: well, I think he doesn't even use links or lynx or Emacs' www-mode.
rindolf mrout: yes.
rindolf mrout: they changed their name and domain.
mrout who are they? NEVER heard of them
rindolf mrout: - it's a nice way to discover some interesting software.
rindolf mrout: they are a web-directory for UNIX software.
mrout do they host it?
rindolf mrout: no.
mrout quite unlike something like github, then?
rindolf mrout: just link to it.
mrout cool
mrout will try to remember that
rindolf mrout: also see
rindolf mrout: not everything there is FOSS.
mtjm explains his Web use
rindolf mrout: and not everything is there.
rindolf mrout: but I try to publicise most of my major software there.
mtjm IRC would need a constant network access which is difficult when travelling (and needs much mor e time than batch mail writing)
rindolf Well, most of the software published there is either niche or quite boring.
mrout rindolf: Freecell Solver on freecode is the first result
rindolf mrout: for what?
mrout that google search
mrout I fail to see a problem
rindolf mrout: well, thing is there are other Freecell solvers.
rindolf mrout: and what I said is that I clog the search.
mrout Oh, I see what you mean
mrout that’s a good thing for you, though
rindolf mrout: lots of junk like FreeBSD/Debian/Ubuntu/Mandriva/Mageia packages.
rindolf mrout: that's what I call the freshmeat effect.
rindolf I get as the first hit. :-(
rindolf Damn bubbling.
rindolf - here (no bubbling) I get the wikipedia Freecell page as a first hit.
mrout rindolf: bubbling?
rindolf mrout:
mrout I get NZ results
mrout hahaha
rindolf mrout: NZ?
mrout rindolf: where are you from?
rindolf mrout: Israel.
mrout New Zealand.
rindolf mrout: but is hosted in .
rindolf I used to host it in a small Israeli hosting provider but they were too unreliable.
mrout I asked, because i expected it to be US, and so I’d say “I know what US stands for, but you don’t know what NZ stands for? Shame on you.”
rindolf mrout: I know that .nz is New Zealand.
rindolf mrout: but didn't understand the initialism in the context.
rindolf mrout: some Americans think .il is Illinois.
rindolf And .ca is California.
rindolf Well, there's also .la.
mrout ahh
rindolf And .tv.
mrout haha
mrout tv? that must be for tezdikistan. >.>
rindolf mrout: no.
rindolf mrout:
mrout joke
mrout that was a joke
mrout I know it’s not for television stuff lol
rindolf mrout: OK.
rindolf .tk domains are free.
mrout yeah
mrout Woo tokelau
* rindolf wonders if there is .fs.
rindolf There should be a country called .if so I can register shlom.if
rindolf Someone registered ;-)
rindolf Not me, though.
rindolf - no .lf either.
rindolf We need more countries.
mrout I wish there was a .ut
mrout so I could get mro.ut
rindolf mrout: ah.
rindolf Well, I can register
mrout I already have (that’s my dad’s actually) and (mine)
rindolf mrout: ah.
rindolf Are top-level .nz domains available?
rindolf like
mrout you can’t get, no
rindolf Ah.
mrout or >.>
rindolf OK.
rindolf .il domains are kinda costly and they used to require faxing.
rindolf And I don't feel my domains are particularly Israeli-related.
mrout ahh
rindolf Well, I originally got
rindolf But its DNS was flaky.
rindolf So I ended up buying
mrout what’s your actual name?
rindolf Now I also have
rindolf mrout: Shlomi Fish.
mrout Ahh
rindolf mrout: is free DNS.
mrout ?
rindolf But I guess you get what you pay for sometimes.
rindolf mrout: it's not .eu (European union).
rindolf mrout:
mrout that site’s odd
mrout what’s wrong with .eu
mrout shit a brick, they want a separate ccTLD for
rindolf mrout: nothing is wrong with .eu - it's just that is something different.
rindolf predates .eu.
mrout ahh
mrout it annoys me that the US doesn’t use .us more
mrout and clutters .com
rindolf Well, there's also .gov, .net, .org...
rindolf .mil
rindolf .navy
mrout exactly
rindolf mrout: I also have
mrout it’s pretty americo-centric
rindolf Could not get because my domain registrar did not have it.
rindolf is my own custom (and private) URL shortener.
rindolf Some overzealous spam filters blocked it.
rindolf Ah, domains.
rindolf The bread and butter of Internet conversations.
mrout lol
rindolf I know someone who has
rindolf Well, from the Internet.
rindolf And there's also which is Dan Bernstein.
rindolf DJB.
mrout domains, vim vs emacs and hello_there vs helloThere.
mrout is cool
rindolf mrout: and tabs vs. spaces.
mrout but hard to type
mrout eugh
mrout is hard to type
mrout spaces, vim, hello_there or HelloThere, but never helloThere.
rindolf Since I have and want to create a site for Vim beginners, I should get a good domain.
rindolf or does not look good.
mrout vimschlomfish
mrout lol
mrout shlom
mrout vimshlomfish
mrout what about
rindolf mrout: maybe I'll get
rindolf I think is already taken.
mrout yea
mrout by one of those shitty domain hoggers
rindolf Heh. is available. \o/
mrout i’d love
rindolf Not that I want it.
mrout begintel?
mrout $17/yr for
rindolf OK, I registered and
rindolf On .
rindolf I figured most people won't "guess" ;-)
mrout nice
rindolf So I'll have and
mrout what about
mrout begin-site seems a bit clunky
rindolf mrout: rindolf is only my IRC nickname.
mrout still
rindolf mrout: and I already have
rindolf mrout: I don't see why most people will STFW for "rindolf" or "shlomi fish" or whatever.
rindolf Most of the people come to my site using more generic searches.
rindolf - first hit !
mrout STFW?
rindolf mrout: search the fab web.
rindolf Like RTFM.
rindolf Using Google, Duck Duck go, Bing or whatever.
mrout fucking web, I assume
rindolf mrout: true.
rindolf - this was deleted because it was not notable enough. F****king deletionists.
mrout they deleted your user page?
rindolf mrout: no, only /wiki/Freecell_Solver
mrout oh
rindolf mrout: access the link - it's there.
rindolf Just not visible on default searches.
mrout “lacks references showing notability” you mean apart from the fact it’s the top google result for Freecell Solver? FUUUUU wikipedians
rindolf I restored it before it was deleted.
rindolf mrout: - some people on #wikipedia (or #wikipedia-en) told me this may not be notable.
rindolf There are a zillion pages about it.
rindolf And Wikipedia covers almost any other Solitaire variant.
mrout lol, fucking wikipedia
rindolf Yes.
mrout articles about every steeple in Italy, but not about ever solitaire variant
rindolf mrout: also about football players.
mrout your article should be restored
rindolf mrout: yes, maybe.
mrout I’d almost be convinced to do it myself
rindolf mrout: are you a wikipedian?
mrout sort of
mrout I have an account
rindolf mrout: well, I added the [[Freecell Solver]] link.
rindolf Hoping someone will fill it in.
rindolf - there is a cursory mention of it there.
mrout mmm
rindolf mrout: this section was deleted previously because it was not "Encyclopedic enough."
rindolf mrout: that Wikipedian had tons of complaints against him on his user talk page.
rindolf mrout: - this used to be about the Perl developer (and co-author of several books).
rindolf Now it's about an olympic athelete.
rindolf Well, I added that page, and people enhanced it, but then it was deleted. :-(
mrout not even an olympic athelete
rindolf mrout: ah, yes, just world competition.
mrout didn’t even place
mrout compared to an author and developer of one of the most popular programming languages
mrout :/
rindolf Yes.
rindolf Oh well, Wikipedia.
rindolf The worst encyclopedia in the world except for all others.
galex-713 ?
mrout hahaha
mrout yyeah
* galex-713 slaps mrout
galex-713 Wikipedia is perfect!
* galex-713 hides
mrout hardly
Channel #gnu
Network Freenode
Tagline #gnu stuff

Life is Hard


rindolf Hi all.
rindolf FROGGS , moritz , hoelzro , Juerd : hello! What's new?
moritz everything with a new enough timestamp
FROGGS rindolf: nothing
rindolf moritz: heh.
FROGGS I assume rindolf doesnt meant -Inf :o)
timotimo moritz: feel like reviewing/merging ? froggs and me both spectested it :)
* rindolf unleashes his inner Sarah Michelle Gellar to kiss moritz for his inventive avoidance of saying what he is up to.
rindolf FROGGS: I’m old enough to remember the invention of the Camel.
FROGGS rindolf: well, if you want to know what we are up to you may ask that
rindolf FROGGS: “When I was your age, Jennifer Lawrence was called Sarah Bernhardt”
rindolf FROGGS: moritz will always find a way to avoid it.
rindolf FROGGS: unless threatened.
rindolf FROGGS: or sweet talked.
FROGGS and today is my first day off, and on wednessday starts the german perl workshop, so still stuff to prepare
rindolf FROGGS: nice.
rindolf FROGGS: prepare hard! Enjoy hard! Rest hard!
rindolf Step 4: profit hard!
rindolf Step 5: retire hard!
timotimo Step 6: die hard!
rindolf timotimo: LOL.
Channel #perl6
Network Freenode
Tagline He who lives hard, dies harder

Is Buffy Kosher?


I recall discussing Buffy with a Jewish American friend, who used to be secular, and now has become an observant Jew, and married a woman who properly converted to Orthodox Judaism, and they have some children. We discussed the fact that Sarah Michelle Gellar was Jewish, and yet that many men (and some Lesbian women) were more attracted to Alyson Hannigan’s character, Willow Rosenberg, who was a shy and sheepish, redhead, Jewess. Then when I mentioned that Hannigan was only a maternal Jew, he said she is “kosher” (because someone whose mother is Jewish and who did not convert to a different religion, is a bona-fide Jew). I found it amusing that you refer to women by the same word as you do to food, but I think the ancient Hebrew word "kasher" also means "approved", "appropriate", "legal", etc.

In any case, both Hannigan and Gellar are now married, and so trying to separate between them and their husbands is not kosher. ;-)

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Post to the /r/buffy subreddit

Selina Mandrake - The Slayer: The Three


[ There are three young men dressed as Klingons who fight with Bat’leth in the park. Selina is passing by and shakes her head in disapproval. The three notice Selina, and quickly run to her. ]

Warrior #1: Hail The Slayer, we are but your humble slaves!

Selina: [Shocked] And who might you be?

Warrior #1: We are The Three - three vampire brother warriors, who have been fighting since the dawn of time.

Selina: And you are Klingons…

Warrior #2: We can assume any form.

Warrior #1: Yes, we can fight using any weapon, and we are masters of them all.

Selina: so you can fight with something that’s not a Bat’leth?

Warrior #1: Of course, for example, we could fight using the Huge Sword!

Warrior #2 and Warrior #3: Yeah, the Huge Sword!

The Three: [in unison] Huge Sword!

[ Warrior #1 snaps his fingers, and some of these ridiculously large swords from World of Warcraft appear on the ground. ]

Selina: Wow, can you fight using them?

The Three: [non-dramatically] Eh, eh, we cannot lift them.

Selina: Guess not. [Puts her palm on her eyes.] Maybe try something smaller and not as heavy.

Warrior #2: Yes, smaller.

Warrior #3: And not as heavy.

Warrior #1: You're not thinking about the smallest… yet deadliest weapon for a mighty vampire warrior… the wooden toothpick!

[ The three cry “yeah”. Warrior #1 snaps his fingers and the huge swords are replaced by small wooden toothpicks. ]

Selina: Toothpicks? Have you blokes been watching too much Sesame Street?

Warrior #1: Why, of course! Every mighty Klingon warrior has watched Sesame Street.

Selina: Mighty Klingon vampire warriors who have watched Sesame Street… this decade royally sucks!!

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Selina Mandrake - The Slayer

David vs. Goliath: David as a Hacker


The Israelites and the Philistines schedule a large battle. The Philistines have far superior equipment with armours made out of iron, which the Israelites don’t have. Eventually, Goliath, a tall Philistine giant, steps forward and asks for an Israelite man worthy enough to fight him and determine the fate of the battle (something which was quite common in the ancient Near East). It seems the Israelites will lose the battle.

Out of nowhere, a young Israelite boy whom hardly anyone knew about steps forward with a sling and a few pebbles. Goliath thinks this is ridiculous and ridicules him. However, the boy quickly puts a pebble in his sling, and after rotating the sling to achieve a very large velocity (not unusual with slings) hurls the pebble with great accuracy (also not unthinkable, because shepherds in the Near East effectively used slings to kill lions and other predators to their flock) into Goliath’s face, which was uncovered to allow him to see. Even if Goliath’s shield bearer wanted to, he could not lift the huge shield in time, and Goliath was completely not agile in his suit and armour. The sling’s rock smashes Goliath’s brain, and he falls to the ground dead. The Israelites have won the battle.

That boy’s name was David.

Why is it important here? Because David was a “hacker”. Why was he a hacker? Because he knew the rules, and played by them, but knew how to bend them, in order to earn his victory. Hackers bend the rules.

And here’s the thing: this is what an action hero is all about: he makes his own rules, or he even breaks them, and does not accept his fate. This is whereas a tragic hero is bound by many invisible rules, and accepts his fate, which is, almost certainly going to be death.

And in real life, you should also aim to be a hacker or an action hero, or the many phrases it used to be called.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Summerschool at the NSA

Star Trek: We, the Living Dead - “Too much of a Good Thing”


Worf: Commander Dax, I explicitly prohibit you from asking about Mr. Q’s roles as a husband and a father.

Jadzia: You are right, Commander. I’ve realised something: throughout this whole trip through the wonders of the Q continuum I’ve been far too selfish and only thought about myself. I should have thought about you, too.

[She turns towards Avigayil]

Jadzia: Avigayil, could you, by any chance, allow us to meet Kahless the Unforgettable in his living dead self, I’m sure Commander Worf here would love to meet him.

Worf: Actually, Commander, I don’t think…

Jadzia: [Interrupting him] Oh, you don’t? That’s a shame. Well, I’ll go meet him alone (always wanted to, you know). Worf, I think Kahless will be disappointed not to meet you, but I’ll tell him you’re a big fan of his, and I’ll let you watch the video of me meeting him and…

Worf: [Sighs] Commander Dax, you are impossible.

Worf: Fine, let’s go meet Kahless if that’s humanly possible.

Avigayil: Sounds good. The whole mission from Deep Space Nine can go with you, I’ll notify Kahless. He’s a big fan of a lot of you.

Amanda: OK, let’s summon Katie and her gang of no-goodnicks too. She wouldn’t want to miss it.

Quark: Yes, and it’s high time we merged the two sub-plots in the future movie. “Too much of a good thing is a bad thing. But only for your customers”. Rule of acquisition No. 172.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Star Trek: “We, the Living Dead”



abba it's thrax!
abba fuck, this place is quiet now
rindolf abba: SHOUT!! SHOUT!!! LET IT ALL OUT!!!!
rindolf These are the things I can do without.
abba COME ON!
thraxatron shh abba i'm observing
rindolf abba: I'm talking to you.
abba <3 tears for fears rindolf
thraxatron wasn't that a disturbed song
* abba facepalms
thraxatron i had that album
rindolf abba: :-)
abba sure, disturbed may have covered it
* rindolf is listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd - Sweet Home Alabama.
abba but that's like saying creep is your favorite Korn song
thraxatron it is though
abba :P
rindolf Kid Rock’s (All Summer Long) is also good.
thraxatron also i really like 99 luft balloons
thraxatron by Goldfinger
abba Dancing queen by Wing
rindolf thraxatron: heh.
abba i have no idea why i listened to that whole thing, i'm never going to get that time of my life back
thraxatron holy shit all summer long is five years old
thraxatron what am i doing with my life
dean0 beach boys title of the same is much older.... :(
dean0 ...fortunately I'm not quite that old
* abba mourns for his youth
abba Me neither, but I did like the Beach Boys a lot as a child
dean0 yah me too
Channel #reddit
Network Freenode
Tagline Do the song of life

Wikipedia Deletionists Don’t Die


Wikipedia deletionists don’t die. They lose notability and get deleted.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

It’s kinda…


It’s kinda, sort-of… pretty much… quite… awesome I tell you - awesome! Got it? It’s kinda awesome!

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection



Shlomi Fish: Whenever you spell “JavaScript” with a lowercase “s” (and a capital “J”), God kills a kitten.

Joel Crisp: Whenever you use JavaScript on the server, God kills a datacenter.

Author Shlomi Fish and Joel Crisp
Work Facebook Post (originally via Twitter)

Two Kinds of Fools


There are two kinds of fools. One says, “This is old, and therefore good”.
And one says, “This is new, and therefore better”.

John Brunner, The Shockwave Rider

Two more kinds of fools. One says: “This is popular, and therefore good”.
The other says: “This is good because it’s not popular”.

— Shlomi Fish (though may not be a 100% original sentiment).

Author Shlomi Fish and Joel Crisp
Work Facebook Post (originally via Twitter)

Shlomi Fish’s “That’s Why” Response


That’s why I feed my leprechaun every day — because there are not enough phonemes in Navajo to tell him to get his act together and find a job.

— Shlomi Fish‘s response to “Above All That is Random 5” when asked “That’s why… what?”

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Comment on “Above All That is Random 5”

How are flying unicorn ponies called?


ZetaNeta i wonder, if one day, developers will lose the possibility to write code no one else can understand.
ZetaNeta If CPUs will start running interpretable code
rindolf ZetaNeta: you can always obfuscate code.
rindolf ZetaNeta: nothing guarantees that a code will be readable.
ZetaNeta yeah, thats why i wish people will lose the ability to write unreadable code
rindolf ZetaNeta: and there's also which compiles from C/C++/ObjC/etc. to unreadable JS.
rindolf ZetaNeta: how will you guarantee that?
ZetaNeta I cant. Thats why i wish
rindolf ZetaNeta: have you heard of the ?
rindolf ZetaNeta: it may be impossible for a computer to do.
rindolf ZetaNeta: if not for a human too.
rindolf ZetaNeta: don't wish for the impossible.
rindolf ZetaNeta: unless you'd also like to wish for pink flying unicorn ponies who drop candy.
ZetaNeta I dont like pink, unicorns, ponies, candy and dropping stuff.
rindolf ZetaNeta: it's an idiom that means that you want something that can't easily be achieved.
rindolf ZetaNeta: or something Utopian or unrealistic.
ZetaNeta well... thats already way too offtopic
sea Morninigg!!!!!!!!
* sea appears and has cake!
* sea distributes cake
[TheFlash] maybe you meant a cross between a unicorn and a pony?
* rindolf eats the free-as-in-speech cake.
rindolf Also zen cake - no calories.
rindolf [TheFlash]:
rindolf [TheFlash]: they exist in /My Little Pony/ - ♥
sea Those actually are pegasus ponies.
sea Unicorn ponies don't fly.
sea There are some unicorn pegasus ponies, though
sea Like princess Luna
rindolf sea: yes.
rindolf sea: isn't Princess Celestia also a Unicorn Pegasus Pony?
rindolf Well, this isn't #bronies
sea Yeah, they're called an 'alicorn' officially now
rindolf sea: ah.
sea Also, starting with the last episode of season 3, Twilight Sparkle is an Alicorn too
rindolf sea: I don't remember who she is.
rindolf sea: - ah , I see.
rindolf sea: yes, I know who she is (naturally).
rindolf OK, on topic.
rindolf ZetaNeta: it's probable that people (or software programs) will always be able to write other programs that other people will find hard to understand, so don't wish for it to happen.
rindolf ZetaNeta: you might be able to find a device that will change the laws of logic, but I find it unlikely.
rindolf Well, find or develop.
ZetaNeta rindolf, Well. I have some ideas
rindolf ZetaNeta: ideas?
ZetaNeta In my understanding, there is no logic.
rindolf ZetaNeta: what?
* ZetaNeta dont wanna talk about it
rindolf ZetaNeta: you don't think there's logic?
pehjota TIL that sea is a brony. They're everywhere!
rindolf pehjota: heh.
* ZetaNeta doesnt like to mix software with philosophy, to avoid long conversations he anyway probably gonna lose
rindolf ZetaNeta: well, programming is based on maths and logic.
ZetaNeta rindolf, "Because you are so sure about it"
rindolf ZetaNeta: what?
* ZetaNeta doesnt like to mix software with philosophy, to avoid long pointless conversations
sea pehjota: What's TIL?
rindolf sea: Today I learned.
pehjota sea: Today I learned.
sea Whoa..
pehjota Ha :)
sea Haha, your nicks both have the same length
sea so it looks like a duplicated line
rindolf sea: jinx!
* sea grabs everything made of wood and hides it
rindolf ZetaNeta: anyway, the Halting Problem which is part of theoretical CS, and has an easy-to-explain informal proof, casts many doubts about a machine's (or a human's) ability to detect whether code for an arbitrary Turing complete VM is easy to understand or not, and so you might as well forget about it.
rindolf <pehjota> TIL that sea is a brony. They're everywhere! ==> not sure how useful of a fact it is.
pehjota rindolf: It was a tongue-in-cheek remark. :)
Channel #gnu
Network Freenode
Tagline Brony talks, pony flies

Summer Glau vs. Chuck Norris


rindolf Hi all.
Bucket hi rindolf
rindolf Lately, I have been thinking that maybe some of the Snowden leaks are actually the "achievements" of maniacal minds ( ) and don't work well in practise or at all.
rindolf Probably most of the NSA workers are either depressive, maniacal or schizophrenic by now.
rindolf Althir: awesome.
Bucket Wicked!
rindolf Is Bucket a bot?
Bucket no, I'm a folk singer
Althir ferret: Is Bucket real?
flyingferret Certainly not.
barometz You're all just imagining Bucket, then
rindolf Heh, heh.
rindolf I'm not real either.
rindolf «For all you know, you may not exist and Summer Glau convinced you that you do.»
rindolf ;-)
rindolf (Originally said about Chuck Norris.)
Althir I'd let Summer Glau convince me I'm alive.
rindolf Althir: heh.
rindolf Althir: I don't need to be convinced of that.
rindolf Althir: would you let Chuck Norris convince you that you're alive? ;-)
rindolf I wouldn't , but not sure I can resist.
Althir rindolf: Chuck Norris only convinces people they are deceased.
rindolf Althir: heh.
rindolf Althir: what about SGlau?
Althir Chuck Norris convinced Summer Glau to kick arse.
rindolf Althir: a true warrior brings life - not death.
Althir I think you misunderstand warfare.
rindolf Althir: destroying is easy (*cough Atilla the Hun *cough Genghis Khan) - value production is much harder.
Channel #xkcd
Tagline Norris ain’t got nothing on her…

#reddit: Great Poetry


rindolf home: you're no longer being funny.
home rindolf: you are being an asshole now
home rindolf: I want my $4 of games
home or else I will be unhappy
home if you want to preach about finding happiness, but the not act upon it, then so be it
home but my happiness at the moment is begging others for a $4 game
rindolf home: do you want me to put you on /ignore ?
rindolf home: you seem dense.
home Yeah, when the times get tough
home people just ignore each other
home I see how it is
home you can't keep ignoring people forever
rindolf home: where do you live?
Weagle in his....home.
home I live in Ontario, Canada
sorabji5252 o.O
home :/
home sorabji5252: hi
home sorabji5252: are you a preacher too?
Weagle Lebron James is pretty good
Weagle but Ive yet to see him save earth from aliens.
Weagle like Michael Jordan did
sorabji5252 a preacher? not in the sense you mean probably
Weagle he's a monk
Weagle i shave his head daily.
* sorabji5252 offers his head to be felt by others
home you guys are so gay
rindolf home: nice.
home not sure you realized what you just said
rindolf home: is it lovely there?
rindolf home: is it boring?
home it's not nice here
home I hate Canada
sorabji5252 i try not to be crude -__-
rindolf home: then why not move?
rindolf home: California! Florida!
Weagle Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama
rindolf Maybe the Carolinas.
rindolf Weagle: Israel!
Weagle key largo, montego, baby why dont we go down to mexico
rindolf Italy.
Weagle we'll get there fast cuz Weagle takes it slow
rindolf Weagle: heh.
rindolf Spain ....
Weagle thats where we wanna go, way down in Kokomo
rindolf Weagle: you're a talented poet.
Weagle i took it from some of the greatest poets to ever live.
Weagle The Beach Boys
rindolf Weagle: heh.
rindolf Weagle: that's heavenly poetry.
rindolf Weagle: Bialiq was a pretty good Hebrew poet.
rindolf Weagle: there's some good poetry in the Hebrew Bible too.
rindolf Weagle: Isaiah 40 is lovely.
Weagle I'm really not interested.
frauheimer hey guys.
frauheimer reddit huh. cool!
rindolf Weagle: OK, sorry.
home frauheimer: what
rindolf frauheimer: yes!
home frauheimer: can you buy me $4 of games?
frauheimer yes
frauheimer where
frauheimer alright
home rindolf: ^
frauheimer how do dis
sorabji5252 o my
rindolf home: go to hell!!!
sorabji5252 rindolf: i don't know how to read poetry. it seems nice though :D
rindolf home: just live me alone.
frauheimer home show me how
home frauheimer: okay
rindolf sorabji5252: it sounds better in the original Klingon.
home scroll down
rindolf sorabji5252: s/Klingon/Hebrew/ naturally.
rindolf sorabji5252: a lot of the Bible is prose though.
sorabji5252 i've read a lot of the bible
rindolf sorabji5252: someone I know read the whole thing several times.
rindolf He also read the Complete Shakespeare.
sorabji5252 many people i know have done that. it's a thing
rindolf sorabji5252: yes.
rindolf sorabji5252: I've temporarily given up in exodus - it's too intense.
rindolf sorabji5252: too antiquated.
sorabji5252 it's very serious. and it rarely lets up
rindolf sorabji5252: yes.
rindolf sorabji5252: I did read /A Suitable Boy/ cover to cover. Wonderful book.
sorabji5252 o my, that's awfully long
sorabji5252 i think /Brothers Karamzov/ is the longest novel i've read
rindolf Heh, heh, they are discussing guns on #reddit-mlp
rindolf My Little Pony ponies with guns!
sorabji5252 what's the mlp for?
sorabji5252 o, dear
rindolf sorabji5252: My Little Pony.
sorabji5252 bronies. i do not understand this one.
rindolf sorabji5252: I bet there's something like what I described on the Internet.
rindolf sorabji5252: I cured someone from an attack of using a technique I learned from an MLP episode.
rindolf This is some great Television.
sorabji5252 rindolf: that's crazy man
rindolf sorabji5252: :-)
rindolf sorabji5252: reportedly, someone once saved a man's life using a technique he saw on /Bay Watch/.
rindolf sorabji5252: this is crazier.
rindolf sorabji5252: maybe there's a good reason for everything in this world.
sorabji5252 nah, things just happen
home rindolf: there is hope in this world
frauheimer a bit
home frauheimer: I see :P
rindolf sorabji5252: "There are no coincidences" --
rbarrybot [ Oogway - Kung Fu Panda Wiki, the online encyclopedia to the Kung Fu Panda world! ] -
rindolf home: true.
Weagle peyton manning
rindolf home: people are now saying about facebook what they said about Socrates... ehmm - about Television.
rindolf home: ;-)
sorabji5252 rindolf: a radio host i like doesn't believe in coincidence
rindolf home: in Hebrew we have a saying "We survived Paroah - we'll survive this."
frauheimer whats Paroah
rindolf sorabji5252: he may be right.
rindolf frauheimer: the big king/god of Egypt.
frauheimer oh yeah
frauheimer what an asshole
rindolf frauheimer: there were many of them.
rindolf frauheimer: last one was Cleopatra I think.
rindolf Well, there were other Macedonian Princesses called that.
sorabji5252 i suppose it's all cake after pharaoh
frauheimer close
Channel #reddit
Network Freenode
Tagline There are no coincidences…

#xkcd: Programming Languages’ Sex Talk


Bucket rindolf: I already had it that way
ephphatha time to kick aliens into orbit
rindolf It's not a failure, it's a motivation to improve.
njsg rindolf: failure is always an option except when your goal is to fail
njsg </fortune-cookie>
njsg rindolf: except in bed
Bucket I get great sex, except in bed.
rindolf njsg: heh.
rindolf njsg: in bed? Do you mean I make mistakes while sleeping?
rindolf njsg: "What is your favourite position? CTO!"
Walther Failures in bed mean you have sex that isn’t type-safe; otherwise you would catch the errors at compile time
rindolf Walther: heh, LOL.
Walther also, Haskell<3
njsg I have a lipht, my sex has no separate compile time
Walther bwhaha
* Walther has changed the topic to: It's programming language + sex hour at #xkcd! | SCOTUS says [corporate] religious freedom trumps equal benefits for women in 5-4 ruling, FML | Weekly Coffee Appreciation Day | It's put The0x539 in bucket hour! | mint hour | (association football) | knockout talk time | Ch
njsg wasn't there an UI toolkit called "sex"?
Fephisto sex-purity
SirCmpwn I once wrote an assembler called .orgASM
SirCmpwn (.org is an assembler directive)
bhuddah maybe we should invent the scripting language "innuendo"
rindolf Walther: Haskell Sex!
rindolf Walther: - see also this on #perlcafe many years ago.
njsg bhuddah: for inno setup, sounds like a good name
Walther rindolf: wonder if that can be pure, or just an IO action
Walther (if you know what i mean)
tomatosalad SirCmpwn: rcombs is always talking about libass
bhuddah njsg: and you get exactly what you asked for.
njsg Haskell Sex is great, but you don't remember any of it on the next morning, because it has no state
rindolf Walther: with Lady_Aleena who became Mistress_Aleena and Madame_Aleena.
SirCmpwn tomatosalad: well, yeah
rindolf njsg: heh, LOL.
SirCmpwn he's an irrational wizard
rindolf njsg: you crack me up.
rindolf njsg: maybe we need something like Smalltalk sex with a persistent VM.
rindolf Squeak FTW!
njsg lisp, as one of the only languages which can truly return multiple values, is the only way to have true multiple orgasms as a result of sex
rindolf Heh, someone I know will get the kick out of this conversation.
Walther rindolf: :'D
rindolf Geek pseudo sex-talk.
Walther Stateless sex could be a bit difficult to reach though, as it'd require a REST api, and you just might fall asleep
rindolf njsg: heh.
rindolf Walther: heh.
rindolf Walther++
Walther OTOH clean, stateful sex should be easy, with SOAP
rindolf Walther: SOAP! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* Walther puts stateful sex with a SOAP in Bucket
* Bucket hands Walther another serving of rat oh vah in exchange for stateful sex with a SOAP
rindolf Walther: /me runs away in the opposite direction. No amount of sex is worth having to deal with SOAP.
rindolf There are some things even I won't do for sex.
njsg rindolf: just have sex over TCP, looks like a good protocol
rindolf And SOAP is one of them.
njsg crushes are UDP, love is TCP, sex is SOAP over HTTP
Walther and then there's the weird kid with the gopher
rindolf Well, I refuse to get paid to write Java enterprise software - .
rindolf njsg: heh.
njsg at least nobody mentioned COBRA yet, others would go all OMG
Channel xkcd

If Ayn Rand was born in the 1990s…


If Ayn Rand was born in the 1990s, she would be Christina Grimmie.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms’ Page

I Love Being Convinced of Being Wrong


I love being convinced that I was wrong before. That way I knew I improved and am now wiser. Like the Klingon warriors say when it happens: “What a great day it was for me to die!”.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms’ Page

Where to find a Good Significant Other


You are much more likely to find a good significant other - with a perfectly sound mind and body - in a Sci-Fi/Fantasy/etc. conference than you are in the middle of the wilderness.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms’ Page

Summerschool at the NSA: My Little Pony Addiction


SMG: Oh, and when it comes to television, she loves watching My Little Pony. She and I watch it almost every week together.

SGlau: Wow, you’re a pega-sister, too?

SMG: I’m not addicted to My Little Pony. I swear! I can quit any time. Just let me watch one… more… episode. [giggles]

SGlau: Hah, hah. For your information, my My Little Pony addicts’ support group meets every second and fourth Saturday of the month, and I am currently at step five of our twelve step program.

SMG: Sounds like a plan. I’ll consider joining.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Summerschool at the NSA

Summerschool at the NSA: SMG’s Daughter Killing Her


SGlau: Hah, hah. I can imagine the headline: “Sarah Michelle Gellar, who played Buffy the vampire slayer, murdered in cold blood by child daughter.”

SMG: [Giggles] Indeed, the apple did not fall too far from the tree.

SGlau: The apple completely supplanted the tree. The Golem has risen upon its master.

SMG: [Thoughtfully] Yes.

SGlau: Well, I don’t suppose she will murder you literally. You know, the old xkcd number 725 distinction between "literally" and "figuratively".

SMG: Well, one thing I can tell you about parenthood is that such things can progress from figurative to literal, extremely quickly.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Summerschool at the NSA

Summerschool at the NSA: Who Is The Messiah?


SMG: We’ve got a lot of time for that. OK: it was 1997-1998ish, Buffy started airing and became a cult series. So, one day a group of yeshivah pupils from a local Chabad yeshivah arrived to the studios saying they have some numerological insights from the Jewish bible, about what will happen in Sunnydale next.

[SGlau burst out laughing.]

SGlau: [calms down] Oh my God, that’s the craziest thing I have ever heard.

SMG: Anyway, we played along, and listened to what they had to say, and actually got a few good ideas from that. Moreover, in one of the recesses, one of the Yeshivah pupils asked me out, and I accepted.

SMG: So we went on a date.

SGlau: So you mean like the 1997ish Sarah Michelle Gellar, and a Yeshivah pupil… On a date?!

SMG: Yes! And I actually had some weirder dates as a happy spinster.

SMG: Anyhow, surprisingly, it was a very nice date, I had a great time, and I learned quite a bit.

SGlau: Heh.

SMG: And one thing he told me was that every Jew (as he said) should believe they are the Messiah, which is something I treasured since.

SGlau: So I presume I’m also the Messiah?

SMG: You got it. We are the most powerful people on Earth, and we should aim to bring the end of days.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Summerschool at the NSA

#reddit: We survived Pharaoh


rindolf sorabji5252: I cured someone from an attack of using a technique I learned from an MLP episode.
rbarrybot [ Schizoaffective disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
sorabji5252 rindolf: that's crazy man
rindolf sorabji5252: :-)
rindolf sorabji5252: reportedly, someone once saved a man's life using a technique he saw on /Bay Watch/.
rindolf sorabji5252: this is crazier.
rindolf sorabji5252: maybe there's a good reason for everything in this world.
frauheimer nah
sorabji5252 nah, things just happen
home rindolf: there is hope in this world
home frauheimer: I see :P
rindolf sorabji5252: "There are no coincidences" --
rbarrybot [ Oogway - Kung Fu Panda Wiki, the online encyclopedia to the Kung Fu Panda world! ] -
rindolf home: true.
Weagle peyton manning
rindolf home: people are now saying about facebook what they said about Socrates... ehmm - about Television.
rindolf home: ;-)
sorabji5252 rindolf: a radio host i like doesn't believe in coincidence
rindolf home: in Hebrew we have a saying “We survived Pharaoh - we'll survive this.”
sorabji5252 I suppose it's all cake after Pharaoh
Channel #reddit
Network Freenode

Selina Mandrake - The Slayer: Mephiqoleth


[ Selina goes to the kitchen smiling, opens the refrigerator’s door and takes out some refreshments and arranges them on the table and then she opens a cupboard’s door only to discover a small human-like demon inside. ]

Selina: Why, hello there! I guess you did not RSVP.

Mephiqoleth: MAGEIA!

Selina: Judging by the recent happenings, I guess that’s me.

Selina: So what shall I write on your name tag?


Selina: Ah, hah. [Trying to write on the name tag.] Emm, Ee, Pee…


Selina: “Leshon Haqodesh”? The holy tongue? Do you mean…

Mephiqoleth: YES!!!… HEBREW! [Non-dramatically] I am Jewish.

Selina: Jewish? But you’re not human.


Selina: Really? That’s great - can I have a Jewish lady-cat? I want one so she can mother cute little Jewish kittens.

[ Cut to Mephiqoleth - he is not amused. ]

Selina: You are not amused, demons are never amused. I should have learned that by now.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Selina Mandrake - The Slayer

How to Achieve World Domination?


A lot of people think that the proper way to achieve world domination is to create an architecture that will solve the whole world’s problems and then some. We’ve been seeing quite a few of them since Joel on Software wrote this article: Ruby, Google Go, Node.js, Mozilla’s Rust, Clojure, Scala, Perl 6, etc. Some of them have or will mature to something truly nice, or have inspired a lot of features in other languages, but it’s hard for plain-old-single-you to compete with them, and here is something interesting: not too many people want them.

What do people want? Chuck Norris/etc. factoids, lolcats and other captioned images, funny cat videos, parodies of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (♥), photos of attractive (or even not too attractive) men and women, screencasts of games or other programs (including many open source programs), photos of scenery, new and improved recipes for preparing food (and of course - tasty food itself), new, old or renovated jokes, and some interesting tales and anecdotes from your life. And naturally - programs that can will scratch an itch - however small.

Some people told me that my solver for Freecell and other solitaire games, simply called Freecell Solver is useless, but it's not - it's just a niche program. And I received hundreds of E-mails about it. Furthermore, given that Freecell is (or used to be) a big phenomenon in Israel, where many boys and girls starting from the age of 18 found themselves playing it on the Israeli military computers out of boredom, then the fact that I have written a solver for it, has impressed many people I talked with or met, including some attractive (both physically and intellectually) young ladies, and they ended up asking me about how it was written, and which algorithms it employed.

So Freecell Solver was one of my most successful programs, not despite being a niche program, but because of it. Niche programs own. Not only that, but niche everything is great. Many people whom I referred to my stories helped themselves to the screenplay Star Trek: “We, the Living Dead” because it contained Star Trek in the name, and because there are quite a few fans of the Star Trek franchise and worlds.

The more of a niche artwork you write, the more a large subset of those who like it, are likely to pay attention to it, try it out, and enjoy it. For more information, see Eric Sink’s excellent and inspiring essay “How to get people talking about your product”. For example, DuckDuckGo was originally marketed as a search engine by Perl geeks, and for Perl geeks. It was a good marketing decision because the Perl community is small, cohesive and is at a good strategical position to influence other communities. Right now, many people who are not Perl programmers, are using it, as well as, or even in preference to Google, but choosing Perl was a good preliminary strategical decision. We can expect that with the future growth of DuckDuckGo, that it will use more performant technologies than Perl more and more, but it will still owe some of its initial success to starting out as a Perl product.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work “ANN: My Transition From Software Developer to Writer/Entertainer/Amateur Philosopher/Internet Celebrity”

Scary Thought of the Day


Scary thought of the day: The Princess Bride: the 3-D Remake.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms’ Page

Selina Mandrake - The Slayer: Mephiqoleth Does His Magic


[ Selina is wearing a backpack full of various trip utilities and wears a pouch bag, and approaches the cupboard of Mephiqoleth. She opens it. Mephiqoleth is there. ]


Selina: Yep! Got my traveller’s checks, some dollars, my mobile, my passport, some water, some snacks, some sunscreen. Not sure if all that will help with surviving The Amber, but I can always hope.


Selina: Well, as someone who saw enough of your demons’ lot’s shenanigans, and some episodes of Sabrina, there’s no way I will trust such magically conjured goods.



Selina: Positive. Do your worst!

Mephiqoleth: Fair enough.

[ Mephiqoleth raises his hands and says in Hebrew, as the Hebrew letters (in the modern Hebrew alphabet) appear on the highlighted floor, with a darkened room and the Hebrew letters of the spoken message expand outward. ]

Mephiqoleth: אלוהי אברהם, יצחק ויעקב, שגר את באפי מאגיה, הקוטלת, אל… [ The god of Abraham, Yitzhak and Yaakov, please teleport Buffy Mageia, The Slayer, to… ]

Selina: Whoa.

Mephiqoleth: … האמבר. [ The Amber ]

[ Selina dissolves. ]

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Selina Mandrake - The Slayer

Selina Mandrake - After History Class


[ The bell rings and many school kids are walking out of the classroom, including Selina. She has an empty hour. As she walks in the hallway, she is sometimes greeted by “Hi, Selina!”, “What’s new?”, etc. and answers briefly. She finds Jessica and Jonathan standing next to Jessica’s locker and approaches them. ]

Selina: Oh, there you are. Hi Jess, hi Jon.

Jessica: Selina! I see you’ve survived History class.

Selina: Yeah, I’ll take it one lesson at a time, I guess.

[ Jonathan hugs Selina from the side and eventually leaves. ]

Selina: So how are you two love-birds?

Jessica: Oh, this and that, discussing computers endlessly as usual.

Selina: [ Sarcastically ] Geeks!

Jessica: Heh, like you’re not a geek too.

Selina: I is!

Jessica: And we is too.

Selina: True.

Selina: This reminds me. I really should update my Mandriva system at home. I have not in several days, now. And to think I originally had my friend Aaron install Mandrake Linux for me, because I thought it was cool that it was called the same as my last name.

Jessica: Heh, maybe you should become Selina Mandriva now.

Jonathan: Or Selina Mageia.

[ Selina bursts out laughing. ]

Selina: That sounds like a name of a vampire slayer… or a vampire.

Jonathan: Or both.

Selina: Yeah. I told you about how I was nicknamed “Puffy” and then “Buffy” during one summer camp, right?

Jessica: Yes, many times.

Selina: Yeah, I found it amusing at the time. For a while afterwards, I insisted that my friends call me “Buffy” until I realised it was silly, and reverted back to “Selina”.

Jessica: Anyway, I’m off to gym.

Selina: Bye, love you.

[ Selina is reading a book and says to herself out loud ]

Selina: Selina “Buffy” Mandrake. The Slayer. I like the sound of it.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Selina Mandrake - The Slayer

“The Human Hacking Field Guide”: Eve’s Homecoming Queen Campaign


I don’t remember whose idea it was, but we ended up enrolling Eve into the Homecoming Queen contest. When Eve discovered she was on the nominees list, she was a bit upset.

“Homecoming Queen? Me? Why would I ever want to be a homecoming queen?”

“Eve, we thought you could see how beautiful you are, and how much people could like you, if they got to know you.” I answered.

“Hah! Well… oh heck, I don’t have a ready reply. But I’m going to get you guys for this. I really will.” and she started to walk from there. “You’ll see.”

Eve showed up to the homecoming queen nominees roundup, wearing one of her best dresses. When her turn came, she began her speech:

“Ladies and Gentlemen. I don’t know how many of you know me, but my name is Eve Siegel. I urge you to vote for me for homecoming queen, not for your sake, but for mine. I really need you to vote for me, because my entire future depends on it. Seriously.”

“Take a look at my Résumé, for example. ‘Experienced in computers and programming since 1994.’ ; ‘Experienced in Linux and UNIX technologies since 1998’ ; ‘2000-2005 - Debian Packager’, ‘2005-Present - Mandrake Packager’, and more of this vain. Tell me, who will take a second look at this C.V. if it did not say, ‘2005 - Elected as a homecoming queen.’?”

“Now for what I’m going to do if I’m elected. I’m going to erect a gigantic statue of Tux the Penguin, this guy [picture showing on the screen], and also one for Beastie the BSD Daemon, [picture showing] for good measure. I’m going to fight against abusive behaviour toward nerds and geeks, for computer literacy, and… for world peace. What the heck!”

“But all these philanthropical causes are secondary to my egoistical motives of having to win this title for my own good. Thank you!”

She practically brought down the house with this speech. Even Taylor and I could not resist a maniacal laughter. She ended up being one of the five finalists. As the elections were on, Eve started her own campaign sloganed “Don’t vote for Eve!” and gave away pamphlets with nothing but raves about the other four contestants. This also increased her karma considerably.

She wore the same dress during the homecoming queen ceremony, as during the pre-election. As the runner-ups were announced, she was given warm hugs from all-of-them. She ended up being the first runner-up with a margin of only 5 votes to the real winner. She ended up saying she was glad she did not take the title, but I never saw her happier than on that day.

She did not put it in her résumé.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work “The Human Hacking Field Guide”

“The Human Hacking Field Guide”: Eve’s Newfound Powers


When Eve and I got together to go shopping, we went to a clothes shop. “You know, my newfound powers are intoxicating. Three guys hit on me at school since the weekend, including this really cute Football player.” she said.

“Hmmm… ” I said.

“Are you ladies alright?” the shop’s clerk (Tim, a young and handsome man) approached us.

“Hey Tim!” I said, “I don’t believe you know my friend Eve here.”

“Eve Siegel!” she said and extended her hand.

“Tim O’Brian.” he said and they shook hands. “OK, I’ll be there if you need me…”

Eve followed him with her gaze for a few seconds, and then smiled and went back to looking at the clothes.

“Will you stop that?” I whispered to her.

“Stop what?” she said.

“You’re totally into him.”

“So I’m lusting him a little bit, so what? ‘But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her, hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.’”

“Well, girlfriend, committing adultery in your heart is perfectly harmless and quite rewarding. And I’m not really raping anyone. I’m tenderly making love to them.”

“Listen,” I snapped at her, “Taylor is my best friend, and I swear that if you…”

“I’m crazy about Taylor.” she interrupted me.

“What?” I said.

She changed her pose. “I’m crazy about Taylor. Always have been. I promise I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him.”

“You always have been crazy about Taylor? Why didn’t you tell him that?”

“Come on, have you looked at me then? I wasn’t his type. He always dated these well-groomed girls, who had some sense not to rebel like I did. Hell, he also dated this incredibly dumb cheerleader once.”

“Stacie wasn’t dumb!”

“I was being sarcastic! My point is that he was way out of my league.”

“Oh!” I said and tried to hug her.

“No hug!” she said. “In any case, I’ll do my best to make things work between Taylor and I. And even if they don’t, we’ll remain good friends. The kind of friends who go to movies together, or socialise at LUG meetings, fix dates for each other, etc.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that. Now where were we?”

“Picking clothes.” she said, and after a while added: “You know, we should drop by Radio Shack and get some dolls of Tux and Beastie the BSD Daemon. I totally dig these guys. Oh! And a nice Looney Toons poster. I’d hate to pump money into the MPAA’s lawsuit machine, but I really like Marvin the Martian.”

“Who are you, and what have you done to Erisa?”

“Hey, the makeover was your idea, Jennifer. What have you done to Erisa?” and we both laughed.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work “The Human Hacking Field Guide”

“The Human Hacking Field Guide”: Taylor and Eve Going on a Date


“Hi Taylor!” we said one after the other.

“Hey guys, ” he said, “what are you guys doing here?”

“Helping Erisa get ready for her date.” I said.

“I’ll get her.” Amanda said, and went up the stairs.

“Don’t you think you look a bit plain for the date?” I asked.

“Well, it’s only a movie and a pizza. Plus, there’s no way on Earth that Erisa is going to look better than I am.”

“Holy virgin mother of god!” exclaimed Jeff. He was looking at the staircase where Erisa stood, descending it slowly. Her jet-black hair was arranged in a ball and a pony tail, shining from the light. Her dark purple dress made her look especially beautiful, and complemented her body. She looked wonderful.

“So, ” she said after she reached the ground floor, shaking her body and extending her hands, “how do I look?”

“You look… ” Taylor said, “divine!”

Erisa thought for a moment and then said: “‘Divine’s good.”

“Here, Erisa…”

“Hey, ‘Erisa’ was the old (and temporary) me. Call me ‘Eve’ now.”

“…Eve! Here - I brought you flowers.” and he handed her the flowers he had.

Eve (!) smelled them, and said, “they smell nice. Mum, can you put them in a vase with some water?”

“Ahhmm… Eve, can we stop by my house and give me a chance to pick up some better clothes?”

“Why?” Eve said, “we’re going to miss the movie.”

“Well, people will look at the two of us and say: ‘she is way out of his league!’”

Eve approached Taylor. “Well, to quote Richard P. Feynman, ” she said as she tied her arms around his neck “‘What do you care what other people think?’ We both know you’re a great guy and I’m so lucky to go on a date with you. Mwaaa…” and she kissed him on the cheek.

“Well, ” he said, “I guess we’d better get going. Bye all!”

“Bye!” we all said. Eve and Taylor left and Taylor gave us a thumb’s up as he left, and we gave him back.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work “The Human Hacking Field Guide”

A woman is a lady


A woman is a lady even if she is or was a porn actress or a prostitute. Treat her with respect, be honest to her — be a gentleman.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Tweet



I wear prescription glasses so I may be half-blind, but at least I'm trying hard not to be a complete dick.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Tweet

#xkcd: Battle of the Charleses


rindolf «Who would win in a fight? Charlemagne, Charles Dickens, Charles Darwin or Carlos "Chuck" Norris? If Summer Glau was the arbiter, she would just kill all of them and declare herself the winner.»
Frowardd dickens and darwin would die from being old
rindolf Also: «Chuck Norris round house kicks doors open instead of using their keys. Summer Glau makes sure doors are open using her mind.»
Frowardd chuck norris would try to do some internet kung fu and fall over and break his hip
thomas0comer Chuck Norris is kinda old, can he still even manage a roundhouse?
rindolf thomas0comer: don't know.
XanT Dickens would always win by virtue of some rich contact/relative doing right by him.
Frowardd charlamaaaaaaaagne would rise from his grave as an angry fucked up drunk skeleton and stab everyone
rindolf Frowardd: heh.
SpicyLemon Charlemagne would come back as a Pokemon.
thomas0comer Dickens and Darwin would probably either get along well or debate vigorously while Charlamagne cuts Chuck Norris' legs off
diogenes chuck norris once fought bruce lee and now bruce lee is dead!
Hawat Causality!
Bucket Post hoc, ergo propter hoc, motherfucker!
Channel #xkcd
Tagline How Chuck chucked Chucks

Play to Lose


whatsyourname hey rindolf
rindolf whatsyourname: hi.
rindolf whatsyourname: what's your name? ;-)
whatsyourname rindolf: i met you a couple of times in #programming years ago
rindolf whatsyourname: ah, I vaguely remember it and can also grep my logs.
whatsyourname what brought you to ##english channel anyway?
rindolf whatsyourname: you're welcome .
rindolf whatsyourname: I'm here on autojoin, but often just lurking.
rindolf whatsyourname: thing is - I cannot sleep yet today - too many high thoughts.
whatsyourname rindolf: I see
rindolf whatsyourname: do you mind if I share these thoughts with you?
rindolf whatsyourname: here on the channel?
rindolf And he left.
whatsyourname rindolf: i don't mind
rindolf whatsyourname: OK.
rindolf whatsyourname: I have a short essay (maybe a Google+ post) called "Play to lose"
whatsyourname When did you write it?
rindolf whatsyourname: where I say that you can learn more from a match/fight/argument/etc. that you lose than one that you won.
rindolf whatsyourname: I didn't write it yet.
rindolf whatsyourname: but i'd like to - sorry for being unclear.
whatsyourname okay
whatsyourname please continue
rindolf whatsyourname: thing is - it was believed that is the best combat fighter in history, and Chuck Norris is the second best one.
rindolf whatsyourname: now at the moment Norris is losing quite a few fights, but part of it is due to him being past his prime and with a malfunctioning left leg.
rindolf whatsyourname: but my pet theory is that many of the new age fighters could have beaten both Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee (who has since passed away unfortunately) in their prime, at least some of the time.
whatsyourname Okay
rindolf whatsyourname: and it's also possible that in this day and age if we take Joe and Martin who are two superb mixed martial artists (MMAs) then it's possible that sometimes Joe will win and sometimes Martin.
whatsyourname Yeah
rindolf whatsyourname: moreover, the ancient Hebrew word for fighting or warfare has other more positive connotations : Bread (Lechem), soldering (Lehalchim - as in electronics), etc.
whatsyourname Well, that's very interesting
rindolf whatsyourname: the root Ch.R.b/bh is reserved for destruction and a sword is called "Cherev".
whatsyourname Hehe
rindolf whatsyourname: maybe it's similar to the greek mythology conception of as noble and as violent and destructive.
rindolf whatsyourname: my point is that there are many other ways to fight aside from combat.
whatsyourname okay
rindolf whatsyourname: and the fighting I'm really good at is at writing essays, stories, humour, etc. (which also convey serious messages in hopefully amusing ways).
whatsyourname i see
rindolf whatsyourname: anyway, I decided that I encourage people to tell me why they think my stories sucked.
rindolf So I can improve in the future.
whatsyourname you should go about writing it
rindolf whatsyourname: - someone told me he didn't like that, and after I asked him for the specifics, gave me a detailed analysis, and I realised he was right and improved it.
whatsyourname i'm glad to hear that
rindolf Part of the original problem there was that that Emma Watson expressed herself in a manner that is unfit for an educated and intellectual Britishwoman who, on top of it, has graduated from English Literature from Brown University (which is a prestiguous school.).
rindolf whatsyourname: Yaakov on #perl said that he forgot how to speak English properly, because he doesn't know which words are common and which are not.
whatsyourname rindolf: what's his native language?
rindolf I have a huge problem with English vocabulary, but maybe it's actually better for non-native speakers of English (Which still sometimes ask me for clarification or "What that words means?").
rindolf whatsyourname: I think it's English. He's an American religious Jew.
rindolf whatsyourname: I'm an Israeli secular Jew.
whatsyourname rindolf: I see
rindolf whatsyourname: I think I'll just prepare a fortune cookie out of this conversation and call it a day.
whatsyourname Sure
rindolf I'm too lazy to write a proper essay and people may equally appreciate reading an IRC log.
Somelauw rindolf: Just looking a bit at your essay. "but we decided to give you a chance anyway". Here you miss the opportunity to come up with a good humorous motivation to interview her.
rindolf Somelauw: heh.
rindolf Somelauw: well, I don't feel strongly about it.
rindolf Somelauw: maybe they can say that they figured out it will be good publicity for their firm.
rindolf Somelauw: but thanks!
rindolf Somelauw++
Channel ##English
Network Freenode

Be Proud of Who You Are


[ Becky and Chankey are sitting in the library, studying together, and listening to Cimorelli - “When I’m gone” . Faith approaches them. ]

Faith: Hmm... hi kids! That doesn’t sound exactly like Anna Kendrick.

Faith: Whoa, who are all those girls?

Becky: Oh, they are Cimorelli - six sisters who sing together. They are a big hit on YouTube.

Faith: Six sisters!

Chankey: And they also have some brothers.

Faith: Heh, God bless their mother. After my third pregnancy (to twins) I said: “That’s it. No way, José!”.

Faith: I would think their being a big family is part of their charm.

Chankey: Yes, and the way I see it: all the power to them. See: I read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea as a child, and I ended up memorising the English translation and now the French original, because I liked it so much.

Chankey: Anyway, Captain Nemo there, thinks he’s a nobody, which is what “Nemo” means in Latin, but he's not. Thing is: lots of people expressed interest in him due to his various unique qualities, and he kept thinking: “They are interested in tangential stuff, not in the real me. They don't know the real me.”

Chankey: And here's the thing: all these qualities are what make you who you are, and you should exploit them and be yourself.

Faith: Indeed!

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Buffy — a Few Good Slayers

Shlomi Fish’s Comment on /r/depression


while some people seem to have better talent for some things from an early age (or what you call "age"), many great artists worked hard to acquire it. Furthermore, hard work can and should be a lot of fun, and it's important to also "Have a life" and eat&drink well ("Wine"), enjoy the company of people of any sex ("Women") and have clean , creative, recreational fun, however amateuristic or lame ("Song").

I've started writing about all that in an essay on my site which I called “Putting All Cards on the Table (2013)” and now I wish to combine it, with some newer and older insights into “Putting Many Cards on the Table (2015)” which will likely need to be updated in upcoming years as well.

Like the old (and wise) adage goes: “The best time to plant a tree was 100 years ago. The second best time to plant a tree is now”. What it implies in this context is that the earlier you start honing a skill, the sooner you will become better at it.

Anyway, what I suggest you do is go outside and socialise more: talk to people with dogs ("Hi! Nice dog! How is he called? How old is he? What kind of dog is it? What's your name? What do you do?") , interesting shirts, tattoos, etc. Also - make sure to talk to shop clerks, shop vendors, waiters/waitresses, barmen, baristas, etc..

One thing I learned from is that "Everyone can cook", or do most other stuff that was shown to be possible. Furthermore, contrary to popular belief (action) heroism is about bending the rules, and finding you own unique, resourceful and ingenius, "hacky" way to do things like David used a sling to shoot goliath instead of using a spear to fight him and most likely dying. My essay has a section about why David was an action hero and a "hacker", in a broad definition of the word.

Another advice I can give you is to accept the fact that you're depressed and be content. It's OK to be depressed, like this episode of Simsons illustrates: . Also, one of the the best ways to be happy is to be content with what you have and who you are and accept and love yourself. "He who has more is not happier than he who is content with less.".

Finally, I've recently been tweeting a lot (see my feed at ) about Darwinian Fitness which I believe is manifested in humans in (sexual) attractiveness, a.k.a: "hot"ness (which is not the same as beauty and I believe is more important), and which has a very good and positive correlation with competence a.k.a what Marx referred to as "able" in his “From each according to his ability, to each according to his need” slogan.

Now, this fitness/attractiveness is not the same as the so-called Physical fitness and as I contemplated on a tweet, « , , or can get more and better dates when in a cranky mood, than the buffest obscure female body builder/"fitness" competitor on a good day.», and that's because they are more (biologically) fit. Moreover, in British slang "fit" came to mean a sexually desirable MOTAS regardless of how athletic he or she is.

If you still want to lose weight then I suggest following my variation on Maimonides' advice for dieting. Namely:

  1. Eat well, and eat what you feel like and want to.
  2. Don't eat in haste - eat in comfort and enjoy your meal.
  3. Eat according to the stomach - not according to the eye.
  4. Eat until you're 75% full - not until you're 100% full (and can't eat another bite).
  5. A bit minor, but my father kept eating food along with extra bread, so he'll feel more full, but I think it has an adversary effect.

Finally, there was this Slashdot feature which claimed that most men and women claimed that their male relatives were more intelligent than their female ones, and I believed the problem is that men and boys tend to be more confident than women and girls (or used to at least), and that implies taking more chances, being more sloppy, allowing yourself to make mistakes, and accepting the fact that some people will dislike you. After a while, I saw this music video by Christina Grimmie which has the very same theme, and this pet theory of mine was reinforced: .

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Reddit /r/depression Comment

#reddit: Third Wave Feminism


misspwn_ errgnomeous,
rindolf Meow all good felines and canines and alpacas and ponies! What's new?
rindolf misspwn_: heh, nice captioned image.
misspwn_ rindolf, my kid was bitching that i made his sandwich "perfect"
misspwn_ had to make meme
rindolf misspwn_: ah, heh.
rindolf inspiration++
rindolf misspwn_: how old is your kid?
misspwn_ he got melted cheese on his face and was mad about it
misspwn_ rindolf, he's 5
rindolf misspwn_: was it hot?
rindolf misspwn_: ah, nice.
misspwn_ rindolf, nope
rindolf misspwn_: so he's a smart kid?
rindolf misspwn_: what's his name?
misspwn_ he's very bright
misspwn_ rindolf, oliver
rindolf misspwn_: that's good.
rindolf misspwn_: ah, nice name. Reminds me of Oliver Twist.
misspwn_ :D
rindolf misspwn_: why did you call him Oliver?
rindolf Does he likes olives? ;-)
misspwn_ hmmm, rindolf he was supposed to be a sophie. well i had it in my head he was going to be a girl. i cried when i found out he wasn't. and oliver just for some reason came to me in a dream
misspwn_ oliver lee, it suits him incredibly well
rindolf misspwn_: ah, I see.
rindolf misspwn_: the etymology of my name is more complex than this -
rbarrybot [ Shlomi Fish’s Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) List ] -
rindolf misspwn_: - that's why they named their daughter Phoebe.
rbarrybot [ [tpm] Hello Perlers, The Phoebe has arrived ] -
rindolf misspwn_: I tend to give my characters Hebrew or other more established common names in my stories.
rindolf - that's the etymology and philosophy behind my "rindolf" nickname.
rbarrybot [ About “Rindolf” - Shlomi Fish’s Nickname ] -
rindolf misspwn_: does he have middle names?
misspwn_ thats neat
misspwn_ ah yes, lee is the middle name, i'm sorry
rindolf misspwn_: ah, I see.
rindolf Lee is a very common middle name.
misspwn_ it was my grandfathers middle name
rindolf "Lyn"/"Lynn" is also a very common middle name I noticed - typically for girls.
rindolf misspwn_: ah, OK.
rindolf misspwn_: do you have any other children?
misspwn_ rindolf, nope, i'd like to finish college first
misspwn_ sort of a late start in the college game
Oddity how late?
rindolf misspwn_: ah, I see. What do you study?
rindolf misspwn_: my friend had her firstborn when she was in college at 19 or so.
rindolf And she graduated from college and now has had two other children.
rindolf And a bit recently - her eldest son went to college and impregnated a girl and they live together and he continues to study while raising her grandchildren.
rindolf He's also very fond of Chuck Norris jokes.
misspwn_ Oddity, well i'm going to be 28 in september, i'm studying network engineering
misspwn_ my parents keep urging me to have another so they can get a granddaughter, but i have priorities and don't want another child slowing me down right now
rindolf Apparently, is 21 but looks about 16. A little kinky!
rbarrybot [ Ariana Grande - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
rindolf According to Jewish law a girl becomes a woman at age 12 (and a boy becomes a man at age 13).
misspwn_ consider herself lucky for looking young
rindolf misspwn_: sure.
misspwn_ i started getting grey hair at 19/20 years old
rindolf misspwn_: there was an episode of,_the_Teenage_Witch_%28TV_series%29 where a very old witch, who was a big player, looked like a teenager.
rbarrybot [ Sabrina, the Teenage Witch (TV series) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
rindolf misspwn_: ah, my sisters and I all have grey hair.
misspwn_ aw man that was such a good show
rindolf misspwn_: one of my sisters whose hair is now darker (blackish) is now colouring it.
rindolf misspwn_: the other has brighter hair so her grey/white hair doesn't get noticed.
misspwn_ yeah
rindolf I don't colour my hair.
rindolf Well, at least it's still growing.
misspwn_ i bleach mine blonde but have light brown hair naturally so it's a little noticeable
misspwn_ not as dramatic contrast as almost black hair though
rindolf misspwn_: yes, Sabrina was great. I think I still preferred Clarissa -
rbarrybot [ Clarissa Explains It All - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
misspwn_ clarissa was way better
rindolf Not sure anyone remember CEIA now.
misspwn_ agreed on that yo
rindolf misspwn_: yes.
misspwn_ fergasuuuuuuuuun
rindolf misspwn_: Sabrina was funnier, though.
misspwn_ clarissa was just edgier
rindolf misspwn_: I want Melissa Joan Hart to play or voice Katie here -
rbarrybot [ Star Trek: “We, the Living Dead” - Ongoing Text ] -
rindolf And it features a talking cat.
rindolf In my story, Jake Sisko and her character are mutually attracted to one another.
misspwn_ hah
rindolf misspwn_: the new MJH is .
rbarrybot [ Emma Watson - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
rindolf misspwn_: many young people today don't know who MJH is.
rindolf Sic Transit Gloria Mundi.
misspwn_ wait there is a new ?
rindolf misspwn_: I mean in essence of being a good girl/"beta female"/responsible-adult/etc.
misspwn_ oh, *shrug* i really don't get involved with actors and their lives
rindolf misspwn_: as opposed to the alpha-female/"Bad girl"/insurgent/rebel/etc. (e.g: Jennifer Lawrence or Sarah Michelle Gellar, and all the way back to ).
rbarrybot [ Sarah Bernhardt - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
rindolf misspwn_: ah, I somtimes get it by infusion.
rindolf misspwn_: - this is my most burning Sic Transit Gloria Mundi (STGM) project - I hope to make Megan Fox *the* alpha female instead of Jenn Law and more importantly to make Summer Glau the new hacker monarch instead of me.
rbarrybot [ Unarmed but still Dangerous - Finishing Off The Open Content / Web 2.0 Revolution: (#SummerNSA) ] -
rindolf And I also want SMG, Chuck Norris & Megan Fox to win all possible awards.
misspwn_ my eye candy for a male celeb would be joseph gordon levitt, female would be scarlet johansen
rindolf misspwn_: ah.
rindolf misspwn_: isn't Levitt that Third Rock from the Sun guy?
misspwn_ yep
misspwn_ i did not like him in loopers or whatever that movie was with bruce willis, nor did i like don jon
badpeaches hiya
Delver badpeaches, hi
rindolf misspwn_: ah.
badpeaches hi Delver
misspwn_ naughty peaches
rindolf misspwn_: well, it's Publish or Perish.
badpeaches misspwn_, what's up?
Delver hi misspwn_ show peaches your wall for ideas
misspwn_ badpeaches, watching MST3K and avoiding some math homework
misspwn_ how r u bb?
misspwn_ badpeaches, oh yeah
badpeaches aww, bb
badpeaches I just got dumped
badpeaches :(
enchilado D:
misspwn_ badpeaches, why he/she do dis?
Delver badpeaches, cheer up. it might be for the best
Delver I'm sorry though if you had your hopes up for a good night
badpeaches aww, thank you enchilado
Delver we all need a good night
badpeaches he said "it's me not you"
rindolf misspwn_: I still haven't finally decided on which actor will play Daniel (= the white soldier in the first guarding station) on SummerNSA. I'm thinking someone with a baby face, maybe
badpeaches he said we didn't connect
rbarrybot [ Fred Savage - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
misspwn_ how long you been dating?
badpeaches two weeks
misspwn_ ah well at least it's now rather than a year later
rindolf Hmm... he's Jewish of mixed German/Latvian/Polish/Ukrainian descent.
misspwn_ that saves a whole lot of super sad feels badpeaches , that's when you say "yer damn right it's you"
badpeaches yer right misspwn_
* badpeaches kicks some dust
rindolf His character on The Wonder Years was not Jewish, while the one of his dorkier friend was.
misspwn_ besides, i'm all you need
misspwn_ ;)
Delver hot sisterly love
badpeaches i'm not asking for consent this time
Delver I've been browsing r/thefapping, are you sure?
rindolf badpeaches: sorry to hear about your ex.
* badpeaches is now known as FuegoPeaches
FuegoPeaches I'm so mad
FuegoPeaches like ugh
rindolf FuegoPeaches: don't get mad - get even!
FuegoPeaches how?
rindolf FuegoPeaches: post his naked photos online!
FuegoPeaches there's no getting anything
rindolf FuegoPeaches: hire Summer Glau to assassinate him. Using her mind.
FuegoPeaches you're so stupid rindolf
rindolf FuegoPeaches: I'm just kidding.
FuegoPeaches okd
rindolf FuegoPeaches: sorry, maybe sulk a little.
FuegoPeaches fuck that
rindolf FuegoPeaches: and it's alright to feel bad. Don't feel bad about feeling bad.
Delver pm if you want to vent
Delver pm to misspwn_ for proper womanly venting
rindolf misspwn_: are you a girl?
Delver sorabji, promises to listen too
Delver rindolf, will write plays about it
rindolf Delver: heh, I may actually.
rindolf I often use material from my personal life or that of friends as fodder for my stories.
Delver now as men, it is our duty to try to switch the blame to women
Delver kate upton has really big breasts
rindolf Delver: - this is in part based on a couple I know whose husband adopted his wife's last name but I build on it further.
rbarrybot [ debian Pastezone ] -
Delver my brother chose a hyphenated name with his wife. good idea in my opinion, that is until the kids get married
rindolf And also there was this woman on #reddit-judaism who found out she was a descendent of some Normandy Duke or something like that.
rindolf So it inspired this too.
rindolf Delver: ah.
rindolf Delver: I'll refuse to give my future children an hyphenated name. I wouldn't mind naming them after my wife's maiden name, though.
rindolf Delver: and I'm not changing my last name away from "Fish".
rindolf Being Mr. Fish is now part of my identity and trademark.
rindolf Delver: Kate Upton? - so it seems - look fake though, but who knows?
rbarrybot [ kate upton - Google Search ] -
Delver rindolf, I don't know. I never heard of her
Delver I don't get out much :(
rindolf - that's her twitter.
rbarrybot [ Kate Upton (KateUpton) on Twitter ] -
rindolf Delver: well, it's her body and her life.
errgnomeous no it isn't
errgnomeous it's my body and life
rindolf errgnomeous: heh.
errgnomeous and I will turn it into bread and wine
errgnomeous then I will eat it
Delver we haven't grown beyound the 'meh, pretty but whatever' attitude in the us yet
errgnomeous and drink it
rindolf errgnomeous: :-(
errgnomeous don't be sad
Delver mostly puritan weirdos and post teen wankery drives it
errgnomeous be happy
Delver bitter dregs
rindolf Delver: I don't mind being objectified as a sex object by women.
Delver I don't think it's the objectification that would bother people. it's the muttered words, the slut shaming, the wolf whistles. the not taken seriously
rindolf Delver: I'm planning to appear on the cover of "People" magazine one day with the caption "Sexiest man alive".
rindolf Delver: slut?
Delver as I said before, meh, whatevs
FuegoPeaches thank you errgnomeous
FuegoPeaches you're a gent
rindolf Delver: recently, Miranda Kerr has become a slut-of-sorts-and-damn-proud-of-it. All the power to her I say.
errgnomeous I am?
Delver +1 for errgnomeous
errgnomeous ;)
FuegoPeaches you've made me smile
FuegoPeaches :)
misspwn_ rindolf, i am
errgnomeous well that's all that matters
rindolf misspwn_: ah, nice. Are you bi?
misspwn_ rindolf, uh no
errgnomeous yes she is
rindolf misspwn_: ah, OK.
FuegoPeaches lol
Delver I think the only time that characterization is appropriate is beteween two (or more) intimate partners
misspwn_ not that it's a bad thing
rindolf misspwn_: I'm a little attracted to men, but I'd rather not explore that.
FuegoPeaches kate upton is so hot
misspwn_ errgnomeous, if the right woman came alone
FuegoPeaches want to bang
misspwn_ kate upton is a QT
Delver a what?
misspwn_ alone would be good, along would be even better
Delver oh sorry. slow
misspwn_ a QT.314
FuegoPeaches cutie
errgnomeous i wonder if kate upton is a fan of john denver
Delver yes. I was slow to figure it out
FuegoPeaches probaly
misspwn_ john denver in the house
Delver I was reading it too literally
FuegoPeaches west virgina
misspwn_ i lold about that photoshop
errgnomeous take me home
FuegoPeaches mountian momma
errgnomeous to the place
misspwn_ i fling pooooooooo
FuegoPeaches gina
FuegoPeaches haha
Delver one of my favorites
errgnomeous i need some milk
FuegoPeaches go get some
misspwn_ you can milk anything with nipples greg
errgnomeous I will go get some
Oddity But I do not produce milk
rindolf misspwn_: I recently kinda flirted with a young guy who sat with his friends next to an icecream shop. I told him he reminded me of Orlando Bloom, and we all stroke a conversation.
misspwn_ go top yourself off with your nips
FuegoPeaches hiya Oddity
rindolf I think I bought icecream there.
FuegoPeaches can we use you as a test subject?
misspwn_ rindolf, go get you some hot male love
Delver human milk icecream? count me in
errgnomeous did you know ice cream made from hippo milk is pink
Delver I've always wanted to get what I didn't as a kid (sniff, cries)
errgnomeous it taste like strawberries
rindolf misspwn_: heh, how about no.
errgnomeous rindolf: you don't like hot sweaty male love?
rindolf misspwn_: I'll sleep with this boy if you sleep with Jennifer Lawrence and let me watch the sex tape. ;-) Lesbian sex is hawt!
misspwn_ rindolf, or or you can just do what makes you happy :P
misspwn_ i'm not going to become a lesbian for convenience of others sorry
errgnomeous what if eating skittles naked while sitting in a hot tub and watching netflix is what makes you happy?
Delver do whatever you can get by with. whomever it is. don't be too selective
misspwn_ because then i'll have to stop shaving my armpits and become a vegan and read old articles from gloria steinem
Delver it hurts later
misspwn_ yeah, you'll end up like joan rivers on life support, and no one truly wants that
misspwn_ mine worked
Delver there are 2 homeless copules and a single woman camping near me
rindolf misspwn_: heh, so much for stigma.
rindolf misspwn_: I've met many really cool Lesbians.
misspwn_ rindolf, :P stigma is for the birds, son
misspwn_ i also have pretty awesome lesbian friends
rindolf And I think homosexuality is a spectrum.
misspwn_ they aren't all supre feminazi-hambeasts
rindolf misspwn_: that's nice.
rindolf misspwn_: that's great.
rindolf misspwn_: so you'ra a girl who uses the term "Feminazi"? I tend to say "cynical feminism" which is less ambiguous.
rindolf I acknowledge the existence of non-cynical feminism (e.g: My Little Pony).
misspwn_ rindolf, for me personally it's the whole 3rd wave feminist movement i cannot stand so the term feminazi seems to fit the bill
rindolf misspwn_: ah, OKO.
rindolf misspwn_: how many waves were there?
rindolf Which wave is Buffy? I cannot remember.
misspwn_ well unless it turns into 4th reich, i believe there is only 3
misspwn_ rindolf, i don't think your average stereotypical 3rd wave feminist truly appreciates what the previous women have accomplished for them
misspwn_ it's a circle jerk of men bashing
misspwn_ er i should say truly does not appreciate @ rindolf
rindolf misspwn_: - apparently Buffy is 3rd wave feminism.
LadyTr0n what other circle jerk could you possibly be referring to?
LadyTr0n men hating on men
LadyTr0n and masturbating
Delver actually it's good to male bash. it's one of the freedoms that women earned
LadyTr0n no bueno
rindolf Xena was an awfully feminist (and unrealistic and comical) heroine, but I can retrospectively say she was awesome.
misspwn_ Delver, possibly, but i feel some take it too far
Delver of course
rindolf Lucy Lawless who played her: 1. Also had starred in some Oceanian porn films before doing Xena. 2. Cried in her wedding.
misspwn_ and i'm not oppressed when i make my bf a sandwich either. i like to cook
Delver just like men take this silly "mens rights" backlash into dumb directions
misspwn_ yep
Delver as long as we find a happy median
Delver too bad we only get one life to fuck up
misspwn_ you get your all or nothing groups in all categories
Delver or maybe just as well
rindolf Lots of people couldn't imagine Xena (the character) crying at her wedding.
errgnomeous actually there's an infinite amount of lives we just don't realize it
misspwn_ it's just a shame you have the ones who are the moldy slice of bread in the package
misspwn_ it just spreads
rindolf Buffy was a different matter altogether - she cried sometimes.
rindolf misspwn_: I'm a 37 years old man who can cook only very simple things like pasta - not too politcally correct, I know.
misspwn_ rindolf, you get as much you put in
rindolf misspwn_: recently tweeted about the fact that she started cooking and her Tsculent (with chicken!) looked yumyum.
misspwn_ if you only put just the tip in, someone is going to be disappointed
rindolf misspwn_: yes, my parents and sisters are excellent cooks, but I lack the time and energy for cooking.
rindolf I enjoy eating food (naturally) but don't mind going to eat it in a restaurant.
Delver I ate vegetable straws all evening
Delver mildly nauseated
rindolf misspwn_: on the plane back home my father and I met a man who couldn't even cook pasta (which I can).
misspwn_ yikes
rindolf Delver: ah , maybe eat something else.
misspwn_ one thing i've never made and would like to master is beef wellington
rindolf misspwn_: he was an amazing man though, and resembled both my father and me.
rindolf misspwn_: ah.
rindolf misspwn_: my mother doesn't taste the food while cooking it and still usually gets good results. They recently got many good ideas from T.V. or the Internet, etc.
Delver LadyTr0n, keep on hangin in there
misspwn_ rindolf, that's me, hasn't really failed yet except for some couscous with spinach that had far too much lemon
rindolf misspwn_: ah.
misspwn_ earthy lemony overload yikes
rindolf misspwn_: I'm OK with couscous.
misspwn_ couscous is great!
rindolf misspwn_: I prefer rice or pasta or noodles or tabulah or whatever though.
Delver I need some righteous manhate songs ladies. post it!
rindolf misspwn_: where do you live?
misspwn_ Delver, uhhh how about any song with alanis morrisette
* rindolf is not good at knowing how to meet celebrities.
misspwn_ rindolf, st louis area
rindolf I met a few software dev/etc. celebs online.
misspwn_ i've met richard stallman
rindolf misspwn_: ah, I was told St. Louis is a boring town.
misspwn_ st louis is pretty lively
rindolf misspwn_: so did I - I also met Larry Wall.
* Delver will go for the nonirionic 'isn't it ironic' song
rindolf misspwn_: ah, maybe it became better..
misspwn_ rindolf, the ferguson stuff was close to me but it's dying down a lot
misspwn_ Delver, what about jewel
misspwn_ or diana king
misspwn_ .yt diana king
rbarrybot [YT Search] Title: Diana King - Shy Guy | Duration: 4mins 22secs | Link:
misspwn_ .yt mc lyte
rbarrybot [YT Search] Title: MC Lyte - Paper Thin {actual video} | Duration: 3mins 46secs | Link:
rindolf Delver: there was an episode of that made fun of it.
rbarrybot [ Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
Delver also Tori Amos
misspwn_ .yt upright citizens brigade ass pennies
rbarrybot [YT Search] Title: Ass Pennies | Duration: 4mins 5secs | Link:
rindolf Delver: who?
rindolf Alanis' "Ironic" song is great though.
Delver I love it
Delver not a fan of that kind of note shifting
Delver Tori Amos, a singer that hits a chord with women and lesbians. she sings about personal stuff, love etc
Delver big in the late 1990s and early naughties
rbarrybot [YouTube] Title: Alanis Morissette - Ironic (Video) | Duration: 4mins 6secs
* LadyTr0n is now known as MsPeaches
Delver good, that's easier to remember
rindolf MsPeaches: are you feeling better now?
rindolf Delver: ah, I heard of Tori Amos. She has some good songs.
rindolf and I say it as a straight man.
rindolf .yt here's to never give up tiffany alvord
rbarrybot [YT Search] Title: Avril Lavigne - Here's To Never Growing Up - CLEAN (Official Music Cover) by Tiffany Alvord | Duration: 5mins 22secs | Link:
Delver I saw her live but I only went in a group
Delver wasn't really for me
Delver but I appreciate the fact she really had a strong female presence
Delver rindolf, can you please mail me some israeli made machineguns. just label them as machine parts
rindolf Delver: heh.
rindolf Delver: I have no idea how I'll acquire one.
rindolf Delver: and I'm not into guns myself.
Delver just joking anyway
rindolf Delver: ah, OK.
Delver cool reddit image:
Delver burning man
rindolf Delver: - here Chuck and Summer Glau make extensive use of gunnery. There are some references to them both being texans too.
rbarrybot [ The Muppets Show The Next Incarnation - With Summer Glau and Chuck Norris ] -
Delver not into slash fiction. telling it to the wrong person
rindolf Delver: - ponies with guns.
rbarrybot [ ponies guns at DuckDuckGo ] -
rindolf Delver: by slash fiction do you mean "fan fiction"?
Delver not interested in ponies either
Delver airships now. yes!
rindolf Delver: OK, how about cats with guns? ;-)
Delver nope
rindolf Delver: ah.
rindolf Delver: which animals do you like?
Delver turtles
Delver I like turtles
rindolf Delver: nice.
sorabji ghehe
rindolf Delver: did you see the latest TMNT film?
Delver no. I give no shits about that
sorabji no fucks to give?
misspwn_ not going to watch it either, i don't want to have it ruined like enders game
Channel #reddit
Network Freenode

Selina Mandrake: Learning Hebrew


[ Selina is sitting next to her computer at home with Firefox browsing the Hebrew Wikipedia. She keeps highlighting words and hovering over them to find translations using a Firefox extension.

There is a signal, and the Pidgin icon in the status bar starts blinking. Selina clicks it. ]

Mosheh Ben-Amram: [ on IM ] Hello, Selina! How are you doing, today?

Selina: I’m fine. Trying to contribute to the Hebrew Wikipedia. These Affixes are driving me crazy.

Mosheh Ben-Amram: Heh, עברית קשה שפה, but there are worse.

Mosheh Ben-Amram: האם את מדברת עברית? [ = “Do you speak Hebrew?” ]

Selina: Qtsath, or as new speakers will say Qetsath. Heh.

Mosheh Ben-Amram: Yes, one of the first words you have to learn to say, and it’s already a Shibboleth.

Selina: Emeth. [ = "True." ]

Selina: BTW, are you actually Mosheh Ben-Amram (= Moses) the Hebrew prophet?

Mosheh Ben-Amram: I won’t deny that I am.

Selina: Hah!

Mosheh Ben-Amram: There are quite a few other people called “Mosheh Ben-Amram” in the Israeli phone directory.

Selina: Yes, I can imagine that.

Selina: Actually, judging by recent happenings, learning Hebrew may be the least my problems.

Mosheh Ben-Amram: Anything you’d like to talk about?

Selina: No, I don’t expect you to believe me, anyway. Any more than the amount that I’ll believe you if you told me you were actually the Jewish prophet.

Mosheh Ben-Amram: Yes, well, I have some business to tend to. Good luck with the Hebrew Wikipedia. סעי לשלום - המפתחות בפנים! [ = “Drive safely, the keys are inside.” ]

Selina: Thanks, and let me figure out what you just wrote, heh.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Selina Mandrake - The Slayer



It’s OK if you forget my birthday, but please don’t forget my 364 unbirthdays. Contact me to say you love me, and every day can be the best day of my life so far!

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Tweet

Infinite Weight


* undead_rattler hugs rindolf
* rindolf hugs undead_rattler
* undead_rattler carries rindolf away into the night
* rindolf cannot be carried - he has infinite weight.
undead_rattler rindolf cannot have infinite weight - that would require being inside of a black hole, or a gravity manipulator that would destabilize the earth.
undead_rattler also.
* undead_rattler has infinite muscle
rindolf undead_rattler: heh.
adaedra You just got SCIENCED.
Channel #reddit-mlp
Network Freenode

What people have on their résumés


krator44 i am a young university graduate anxious to create new experiences in an innovative environment
zoite i wear cardigans and chucks and i'm eager to work in a trendy abode
tacoinanus_away krator44: that reeks of bullshit
tacoinanus_away don't put that on a resume haha
krator44 what?
tacoinanus_away Everything you've been saying
krator44 it's what everyone has on their resume
tacoinanus_away sounds like it's a line from a resume
ElmerFUD That. Wasn't krator44
tacoinanus_away krator44: that's why it's bad
ElmerFUD Wait. What
krator44 it's just the resume side of enterprise jargon
krator44 i know a guy that thrives on this language
zoite I'm a social media expert that yearns for innovative trends in an upcoming establishment
krator44 i am a team player anxious to bring new solutions to the market in a high paced start-up environment
zoite I don't know what pointers are but I can make a mean slide animation
rindolf I am a highly motivated independent team player who is detail oriented and looks at the big picture, and is anxious to create innovative solutions for the enterprise.
krator44 thats not bad
rindolf krator44: but does it scale?
zoite it's not very agile
Channel #Reddit
Network Freenode

The World is Full of People…


The world is full of people, who each have their own personal whims and quirks, and which they expect you to remember and accommodate for, all the time.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

It always works at the end…


It always works at the end. Too bad it doesn't work right at the beginning.

Author Shlomi Fish’s Relative
Work Aphorisms Collection

Growing Old


Some people grow older and wiser. Not I. I grow older and more foolish.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

What is a lie?


ProfessorBacon this is the internet? sweet!
rindolf ProfessorBacon: the Internet is a lie!
ProfessorBacon you are a lie.
sikio the internet is a series of tubes
rindolf ProfessorBacon: your statement is a lie.
ProfessorBacon rindolf: lies are lies
rindolf ProfessorBacon: the truth is a lie!
rindolf «And truth be told - I miss you. And truth be told - I'm lying.» --
CoJaBo What, pray tell, does a Professor of Baconology do?
CoJaBo ..i remember that song
rindolf CoJaBo: finds the perfect Bacon recipes!
rindolf CoJaBo: Bacon is a lie!
rindolf CoJaBo: maybe it should be Professor Mr. Bacon like Reverend Mr. Bacon.
Channel #Reddit
Network Freenode
Tagline Everything you’ve heard is a lie.

A programming language that will be good for everything


How can you make a programming language that will be good for everything if you cannot even make such a screwdriver?

Author An Israeli Open Source Enthusiast
Work Aphorisms Collection

Understanding Monads


I understood what Monads are for 5 minutes. Then I had to let go of the understanding. It was too intense to be kept inside my head.

Author An Israeli Open Source Enthusiast
Work Aphorisms Collection

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?


Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: It’s not funny!!!

Author Omer Zak
Work Facebook Post

Taking Good Care of a Book


Shlomi’s Friend: You will take good care of this book, right?

Shlomi: Oh, don't worry! I’ll just tear the paper apart, burn it, dip it in sulphuric acid, radiate anti-matter on it, and teleport it to a black hole.

Shlomi’s Friend: That’s it? I do it to it every day.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

How to hide your Perl code


Step 1: Be Clever. Step 2: Use this to write obfuscated code.

Step 3: get fired for writing obfuscated code.

Step 4: Get killed by the maintenance programmer.

Step 5: Burn in hell for a milliard years for writing obfu code.

Step 6: Profit??

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Aphorisms Collection

The Food Chain


rindolf Hi all.
yaraju Hi rundolf!
yaraju Hi orbii!
yaraju rindolf* sorry
rindolf yaraju: meow!
rindolf yaraju: how are you?
yaraju Umm.... sqeuak?
yaraju I'm good thanks! :)
* rindolf eats yaraju - what a delicious mouse.
yaraju o_O
* yaraju reincarnates as another mouse
rindolf Heh.
yaraju cycle of life, what can I say?
* rindolf gets sick from the food and dies.
* yaraju waits for rindolf to show up again in some form
* rindolf gets reincarnated as a chimera.
yaraju :D chimera! Kewl!
* rindolf doesn't remember what exactly a chimera is.
yaraju Some mix of two animals is what I recall
yaraju of more than one animal*
rindolf - yes.
ubnotu Title: Chimera (mythology) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (at
yaraju Forget the adjectives - those change over time. Lol!
yaraju but the fire-breathing sounds kewl!
yaraju makes it easier to cook bbq? :D
rindolf yaraju: heh, heh.
* yaraju transforms into Remi and tries to collect ingredients to mix to get that "Zing" flavor
yaraju Am I the only one here that's seen Ratatouille?
rindolf yaraju: I've seen it too.
rindolf yaraju: nice film.
yaraju \o/
Channel ##club-nomicon
Network Freenode

People who are Certain are often Wrong


A lecture or two ago, when Guy Keren was saying that linux would never ever be a gaming platform i tried to point out he was wrong, and it's actually doing OK, and everyone looked at me like i'm crazy.

Some rules of thumb I tweeted about recently:

  1. If someone tells you something is impossible and you can't do it, it probably can be done.
  2. If someone tells you something will *surely* never happen, it likely can happen.
  3. If someone tells you are an idiot and are definitely wrong, then you probably uncovered an Elephant in the Room and are right. Also see “Encourage criticism and try to get offended”.

In general, people who are sure of themselves are probably wrong, as I am not even sure of the Aristotlean Logic which got us incredibly far.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Post to the Haifa Linux Club mailing list.

“HP/UX is…”


HP/UX is not a UNIX, and AIX is even less than that.

Author An Israeli Open Source Enthusiast
Work Quoted from a private conversation.



rindolf Pedro: hi, sup?
Pedro sup, rindolf :)
rindolf Pedro: I worked on my home site.
Pedro Is it good now?
rindolf Pedro: added this page - ?
amd64 [ “Alternative” Profitable Models for Web-based Commerce ]
rindolf Pedro: I hope it was good before but now it is better.
rindolf Pedro: perfection is in imperfection.
rindolf Pedro: and time is believed by some philosophers to be nature's way of moving from imperfection to somewhat lesser imperfection.
rindolf Pedro: because if reality was perfect , it wouldn't evolve.
archmint 💯<- what symbol is that?
archmint quiet again. Nothing sad I hope.
rindolf archmint: i see 100 something and some garbage.
archmint rindolf: what?
archmint oh in the unicode box
rindolf archmint: on the symbol.
rindolf archmint: yes.
rindolf Pedro: also see
archmint rindolf the goody two shoes reindeer, how are you?
rindolf archmint: this. MEANS. WAR!!!!
rindolf archmint: I am an EVIL Reindeer!
* rindolf uses his EVIL Antlers to curse archmint
archmint rindolf, I love you, too.
rindolf archmint: heh. :-) ♥!
* archmint weilds his wand.
archmint But if you insist
rindolf archmint: maybe you can join me on the Evil Reindeer Evil World Domination Evil Conspiracy? ☺
* archmint unEVILizes rindolf
archmint rindolf: Sounds like a plan
rindolf archmint: I'm protected against anti-EVILisation schemes.
* rindolf eats archmint 's wand.
archmint no one can say I didn't try
ferros Hi Rudolf :)
rindolf ferros: THIS. MEANS. WAR!!!
ferros What do you mean?
archmint rindolf: you really are all about that war 'bout that war
* rindolf hits ferros with his "My name is Rindolf, Dammit!" cluebat.
ferros You're not Rudolf?
rindolf archmint: i wage wars.
rindolf archmint: My War! Mein Kampf!
rindolf ferros: Rudolph is one of my two goody two-shoes twins.
rindolf ferros: along with Randolph.
rindolf ferros: and they are among my arch enemies.
archmint archmint enemies?
* archmint tosses the disk to rindolf
archmint *disc
drug lol
archmint oh hi drug! again for like the third time! :P
drug hey minty :)
drug whats going on
archmint Nothing. Just listening to tiny dancer.
archmint count the headlights on the high way
archmint not *now* duuuh
archmint drug: what are you up to?
drug eating a breakfast sandwich and under the cool AC
drug the heatwave continues
archmint drug: oh! what part of the world are you in?
ferros So what's your name?
drug USA
ferros If not Rudolf?
ferros I'm sorry, drug
ferros :(
archmint It is freezing here
drug ferros: what for.
archmint rindolf: maybe you are close to me. Wanna hang?
ferros Maybe you can save up and move to the free world, drug
rindolf archmint: I live in Tel Aviv, Israel.
archmint rindolf: Oh. I live on the north pole.
rindolf archmint: ah.
archmint I thought, you know, since your name is rindolf and everything
archmint but ok
archmint I'd be willing to take a trip to Israel
archmint :P
rindolf archmint: so you can walk 1km south, 1km east, & 1km north and end up at the same place?
archmint exactly
rindolf archmint: ah, cool.
archmint Label Israel
archmint goto: Israel
archmint dam. Madlib shades of blue is definitely his best album. I cannot stop listening to it
archmint It's like you just fell into the heart of New Orleans
archmint With a hip hop influence
archmint Tools!
rindolf archmint: 50 shades of blue? ;-)
archmint rindolf: - 50
rindolf archmint: that was a joke.
archmint rindolf: me too
rindolf archmint: you were supposed to laugh.
* archmint ha
rindolf THIS. MEANS . WAR!!!
rindolf J/K.
* archmint wields a light saber this time
archmint eat that
archmint ;)
archmint rindolf: draw rindolf the EVIL reindeer eating a light saber :S
* rindolf drains the lightsaber out of light.
rindolf archmint: i'm not much of a painter.
archmint don't you draw things?
rindolf archmint: very few.
rindolf archmint: if you mean this - it's not really much -
amd64 [ Shlomi Fish’s Art ]
archmint Shlomi!
archmint Shlomi {XED
archmint that was a really bad fish
rindolf archmint: yes, it means "Shalom-ful" in Hebrew.
rindolf archmint: ah, yes.
rindolf ()=<
rindolf Somewhat better.
rindolf -()=<
archmint printf "hey terminal_echo\n"
rindolf archmint: printf-format-string-exploits!
archmint .g printf string exploits
amd64 archmint:
archmint .g bash printf string exploits
amd64 archmint:
archmint rindolf.getObject().printf_exploit(rindolf.getObject().get_random_memory());
rindolf archmint: heh.
rindolf archmint: sup?
archmint rindolf: nada mucho. tu?
rindolf archmint: I wrote an email which I wasn't sure I'd like to send.
archmint rindolf: yea. To me?
rindolf archmint: no, not to you.
archmint :P
archmint :(
* archmint is sad. no emails
rindolf archmint: join a few mailing lists.
archmint well. I had 3. but not from my bff rindolf
archmint ThIs. MeAnS. wAr!
rindolf archmint: what is bff?
rindolf Wow! Studly caps.
archmint rindolf: bff means best friend forever
rindolf best-friend-forever.
archmint yes
archmint :(
archmint no emails from my bff
rindolf ah, yes, i remember it from My Little Pony.
archmint haha. ok.
* archmint sings
archmint bla bla bla bla bla something bla
rindolf archmint: are you a brony too?
archmint I am not.
archmint rindolf: Do the irc clients automatically translate sentences for us?
rindolf archmint: they do?
archmint rindolf: I was asking you
archmint also... madlib stop....
rindolf archmint: they don't by default as far as I know.
archmint haha 24 dislikes?
rindolf Maybe some do.
archmint rindolf: so you are speaking English?
rindolf archmint: yes, English.
rindolf archmint: I know English to an extent.
rindolf archmint: I can also write in Hebrew.
rindolf archmint: שלום!
archmint rindolf: Do you speak arabic?
rindolf archmint: a little.
rindolf archmint: I learned Literary Arabic for 6 years at school.
archmint Mostly English, then? Or, rather, do you spea another language?
rindolf archmint: but forgot most of my vocabulary.
rindolf archmint: I talk in Hebrew with my family and Israeli neighbours and friends.
archmint ah. I see.
rindolf archmint: well, on the Internet, Israelis sometimes use English to talk with one another.
archmint rindolf: I will learn Hebrew for you.
archmint Then we can say things and noone will know what we are saying
archmint =P
rindolf archmint: in Israel, even the kiosk vendors and taxi cab drivers know English.
rindolf archmint: heh, thanks for the gesture.
rindolf archmint: you will also be able to read the Jwwish Bible and stuff.
rindolf in Hebrew.
archmint ראה כמה טוב אני כבר
archmint =P
rindolf “You can never truly appreciate the Gilmore Girls until you've watched it in the original Klingon.”
rindolf archmint: Google Translate? ;-)
archmint rindolf: of course not
* archmint is saddened
archmint THIS. MEANS. WAR!!
rindolf archmint: well, the somewhat more idiomatic way to say it is ראה כמה אני כבר טוב
rindolf archmint: heh.
rindolf archmint: i'm not too fond of most Jazz music.
archmint :o
rindolf archmint: the Madlib track was not too bad though.
archmint :o
rindolf archmint: - madweblibs.
amd64 [ Madweblibs ]
rindolf Not my site.
archmint roflcopter
archmint remind me to not do pacman -S without first doing pacman -Syu EVER
rindolf archmint: I'm reminding you to never do pacman -S without first doing pacman -Syu. ;-)
rindolf archmint: when do you wish to be reminded of that?
* staticdomain sets a cron job to remind archmint every 5 mins
staticdomain hi everyone :)
archmint haha. thanks rindolf. staticdomain, I should :D
rindolf staticdomain: heh.
* archmint eating peanut butter sandwich
rindolf archmint: :-)
rindolf archmint: + jelly?
archmint no
rindolf archmint: ah.
archmint just pb
rindolf archmint: ah.
archmint archmint: ah.
rindolf archmint: pb is a major pb (=problem)
archmint (=
archmint why is that so, rindolf?
rindolf archmint: it's not. :-)
archmint hey, rindolf. you are red in my irc client :)
rindolf archmint: THIS. MEANS. WAR!!!
archmint haha
rindolf archmint: ah.
rindolf archmint: someone on ##programming nicknamed me "Rindolf the Red"
archmint rindolf: the red-war-tipped EVIL reindeer
rindolf Like "Gandalf the Grey"
fahadash .can rand q* archmint
gliese581c archmint, How would you find out that you ran out of invisible ink?
archmint c4 rindolf: you are this color to me
archmint this color
rindolf archmint: OK.
archmint gliese581c: taste the paper
archmint fahadash: you are red, too
staticdomain Careful. I switched his invisible ink with LSD
archmint :P
archmint q=P
rindolf I'm reminded that we had to do an exercise for English class about writing a complaint letter to a company and my friend prepared one about a smurf who received a M.I.R.R.O.R - something "round reflector of recipient" and was distressed that he saw there strange blue things.
staticdomain ugh, I'm bored but it is too hot out to go do anything fun outdoors on my day off.
rindolf It was funny.
archmint That sounds funny.
rindolf archmint: yes.
* archmint pulls out a rapier and points the tip at rindolf
rindolf archmint: - this made me burst out laughing today.
amd64 [ Shlomi Fish auf Twitter: "schquid:«R we talking about t wholesale suppression of t proletariat by t corrupt capitalists hell bend on providing #FOSS?!» Made me #LOL" ]
* rindolf eats the tip of the rapier.
archmint hahaaha
rindolf archmint: a funnier thing happened to me with the same friend for a different class.
archmint yeah no. :P
archmint rindolf: oh. yeh?
rindolf archmint: we were preparing a report about a trip and it mentioned a very obscure detail like it was built by Kurd workers from Jerusalem.
archmint huh. Very random.
rindolf So we went on a tangent and said "YEs , it was created by southern workers, who were under the supervision of Count Paul the Third, who travelled from his homeland at transylvania, to meet the duchess."
rindolf And we both laughed histerically.
rindolf And then i took a break and said "And her Siamese cat..."
rindolf And we laughed even more and my friend fell from his chair.
archmint hah. Nice. haha
archmint RINDOLF: :D
rindolf archmint: :-) # I'm glad you like it.
rindolf archmint: hi.
archmint rindolf: hi.
rindolf zanzibizarre: sleep? THAT. MEANS. WAR!!!
archmint haha
rindolf zanzibizarre: Evil Reindeer don't sleep.
rindolf Sleep is for the weak and timid.
zanzibizarre We will FIGHT, till the death!
Channel ##TopChat
Network Freenode

My bug friend.


buovjaga this is great: "Bug, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn."
rindolf buovjaga: heh, I have many software bugs on my professional network on LinkedIn.
rindolf buovjaga: some of my best friends and most admired professionals are software bugs.
buovjaga Most bugs are very reliable business partners. Of course, there are a few unfortunate heisenbugs among them.
rindolf buovjaga: :-)
rindolf Bug #356343 for government!
buovjaga Bug #356343 is what we need to make this planet great again.
rindolf buovjaga: heh.
rindolf Bug-to-bug harmony!
rindolf Long live bug #356343!
Channel #inkscape-devel
Network Freenode

The SCO vs Linux T.V. Series


rindolf - wow! It's still ongoing.
farrioth rindolf: Has someone made a TV series about it yet?
rindolf farrioth: a telenovella!
rindolf farrioth: would be pretty exciting.
rindolf farrioth: Game of Thrones won't have nothing on it. ;-)
farrioth rindolf: Heh :)
rindolf farrioth: they'll call its fans SCOnies!
farrioth rindolf: Haha.
rindolf farrioth: :-)
rindolf farrioth: I'm going to setup
farrioth rindolf: Nice.
farrioth rindolf: And a TV Tropes page?
rindolf farrioth: yes!
rindolf farrioth: it's going to be really big.
farrioth rindolf: :)
rindolf farrioth: the Superbowl will be cancelled to air a SCO vs. Linux special!
rindolf farrioth: due to better ratings.
rindolf LOL.
farrioth rindolf: But that means we can't feature in the superbowl ad-break!
rindolf farrioth: we don't need that.
rindolf farrioth: we will be world-famous even without any ads.
farrioth rindolf: True true.
rindolf farrioth: yes.
* rindolf gets ready to sing the "Rich and Famous" contract.
rindolf s/sing/sign/
* farrioth hands rindolf a microphone.
rindolf farrioth: I need a pen - not a microphone
rindolf That or a GPG key
farrioth Heh.
Channel ##linux
Network Freenode

Memoir from a Physics lesson in the 9th grade


Back when I was in the 9th grade, during a Physics lesson, one of my classmates complained to the teacher that something we were learning was too hard. So my teacher asked her “Do you see people with picket baskets outside?” and she answered no. And then he said “Well, then you should know that life is no picnic!”.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Shlomi Fish’s Memoir

Compiling the World


rindolf Hi all.
bkeys Hello rindolf
rindolf bkeys: sup?
bkeys Messing with docker still
bkeys I hate it but there is no better option
bkeys yourself?
rindolf bkeys: I fixed Freecell Solver on ARM linux.
rindolf bkeys: turns out "char"s in C are unsigned there by default.
bkeys I thought this was always the case
rindolf bkeys: they are signed on x86
bkeys I did not know this
ExpiredPopsicle Protip: uint8_t and int8_t exist. Use them. :P
rindolf bkeys: ah.
bkeys I almost never use chars directly
rindolf ExpiredPopsicle: I know
bkeys Most of the time C++ data structures are good enough
ExpiredPopsicle Sign extending a char to an int can ruin your day.
bkeys Then ints and floats
BlackMoon rindolf: so you actually have to type signed char? :)
BlackMoon weird.
ExpiredPopsicle Or you could just use int8_t.
BlackMoon neverah
rindolf BlackMoon: yes
BlackMoon you can take my poorly defined types from my cold, dead, typedefed hands
ExpiredPopsicle pfft
rindolf BlackMoon: or use the -fsigned-char compiler flag
BlackMoon 'build procedure: use more obscure flags'
ExpiredPopsicle -O9999999999999999999999999999999999
BlackMoon -O911
ExpiredPopsicle Performance problems solved!
BlackMoon activate emergency optimizations!
ExpiredPopsicle Also I accidentally made the optimizer sentient. We're all doomed.
BlackMoon nah we'r find just so long as.. oh, you showed it some of your source code too? Well no wonder it wants to end all human life
ExpiredPopsicle You know how the optimizer figures out how some code is unneeded and just deletes it?
ExpiredPopsicle It did that with humans.
BlackMoon or stuffed us all into a lib somewhere, never to be linked with again
ExpiredPopsicle We have been simplified down to a 32-bit constant: 0x4655434B
* rindolf survived
BlackMoon I will not be typecast!
BlackMoon I hope the compilers come for you first Type-21
Type-21 i'm already lost
Type-21 the compilers are flowing through me
BlackMoon resistance is futile, you will be compil error on line 53, invalid type-21
BlackFox I'm defiantly a void
* rindolf got transpiled into JavaScript
Type-21 aren't the kids these days doing coffescript or typescript or something?
Channel #reddit-gamedev
Network Freenode

How to cope with a GitHub outage


rindolf Hi all
rindolf Sup?
Zuu Hi rindolf and Thymo :>
Zuu Merry weekend :>
rindolf Zuu: hi
Zuu How goes it?
rindolf Zuu: fine - working on cpan modules
Thymo Hey.
rindolf Zuu: perls before swine
Thymo Is GitHub up for you guys?
rindolf Thymo: it was a while ago
Zuu rindolf, do you happen to know if theres some sort of perl to C transformer tool?
Zuu there's this exif tool written in perl, and it's just nuts that its not in C :P
rindolf Zuu: you can embed Perl code in C code
Zuu ofcourse, if i wanted to have the entire interpreter on board
Zuu anyways, i take it as a "no, i dont know of such a thing" :)
Thymo They just got a major outage.
Zuu ouch
Thymo Server availability just dropped to 0%.
Zuu maybe the student worker accidentally altered the DNS records :P
Thymo It had major outages yesterday.
Zuu Maybe they have two student workers :P
Zuu Or DoS...
Thymo The servers are still up. They're serving a 503 page.
Zuu or government attack :O
Zuu no, wait! The aliens have landed!
rindolf Zuu: heh
Zuu or maybe little bobby 0; DROP TABLES; -- have visited
Thymo SSH is still up.
Thymo But hangs as soon as it connects.
* Zuu starts playing the intro theme for X-Files
Zuu Thymo, We've got to solve this mystery
Thymo Let's ping -f them to see when they'll get back up. :p
Zuu i will help by making fun of things :>
Zuu to make sure we're doing a reliable ping, i think we need to ping it from several places
Zuu say... from a large scale botnet
rindolf Zuu: heh
Zuu you know... to see if it has come up yet :P
rindolf Zuu: you've been making me laugh now
Zuu :D
Zuu Welcome to ##Fun :>
Channel ##fun
Network Freenode

#reddit: The Best at Being Horrible


funnynickname oh shit.. so close
hlve OH COE ON.
foddo aw shit, i was early
deepend dang
radiofree that's what she said
rindolf foddo: "Hello! My name is foddo and I was early for 11:11 today," "Hello foddo! We all love you."
foddo rindolf: stop rubbing it in
foddo you're a horrible person
deepend s/in/
reddit-bot Correction, <foddo> rdolf: stop rubbg it
deepend s/stop/don't stop
reddit-bot Correction, <foddo> rdolf: don't stop rubbg it
foddo rubbg
foddo rdolf.
deepend rubbg me good
deepend rndlfo
foddo rdolf the rubbg redeer
rindolf foddo: but I'm trying to win the Nobel prize for being a horrible person…
foddo i'm fairly sure you're not going to win that one.
rindolf foddo: it's one of my most coveted life achievements
rindolf foddo: why not?
foddo i mean you'll have to up your horrible game somewhat dramatically
rindolf foddo: so I'm not as horrible as humanly possible? That's quite an insult
foddo i, also, am working my way up the chain.
rindolf foddo: nice
Channel #reddit
Network Freenode

MongoDB vs. /dev/null


Hans > I’ll have to get to the bottom of those unreliable read operations. But this is looking *very* promising
Hans > /dev/null is web scale, we heard, and it supports sharding!
shlomif heheh
shlomif have I shown you ?
Hans nope,
shlomif and
Hans ```how to properly secure it against abuse, so it will only null what you send to it. Not anything external and unsolicited.``` - sounds good
shlomif I should start a page on my wiki collecting links to the /dev/null is webscale meme
Hans >/dev/null has handled zettabytes of write-only data flawlessly
Hans maybe ^^
shlomif there's also
Hans haha yeah
Hans but i dont like their setup,
Hans its not really scalable,
shlomif :-)
Hans yeah but really, nginx stores the entire request body, either in memory or on disk, before serving http 200
Hans that's not optimal!
Hans if you send a too-big-request-body to this server, you'll get a `Nginx: 413 Request Entity Too Large Error`
shlomif ah.
Hans do you see my point? :P
shlomif ah
shlomif nice analysis'
shlomif did you tell them about it?
Hans nope
shlomif ah
Hans maybe i should haha
Hans >mail: blog: twitter: @noqqe
shlomif nice
Hans (also, if you send with content-encoding: gzip/deflate/sdch, their setup will actually bother to use cpu DECOMPRESSING it, before discarding it)
shlomif ah, heh.
Channel private conversation
Network Facebook

Other Favourite Quotes

What is is


What is is. Perceive It. Integrate it. Act on it. Idealize it.

Author Leonard Peikoff

I/O, I/O…


I/O, I/O,
It's off to disk I go,
a bit or byte to read or write,
I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O

Author Dave Peacock
Work His signature

Roses are red, Violets are Blue ("Fresh Prince of Bel-Air")


Will: "Roses are red,
Violets are Blue.
Jazz and I are black,
But, Carlton, what are you?"

Excerpt from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"

Author Andy Borowitz (Creator)
Work "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"

"Wives live longer than husbands…"


And the top story for today: wives live longer than husbands because they are not married to women.

Author Colin Mochrie
Work "Who's Line is it, Anyway?"

Let others praise ancient times


Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

Author Ovid (43 BC - 18 AD)

"Bring it On": Cheerleader Song


I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot.
I'm bitchin', great hair, the boys all love to stare!
I'm wanted, I'm hot, I'm everything you're not.
I'm pretty, I'm cool, I dominate this school.
Who am I? Just guess. Guys wanna touch my chest.
I'm rockin', I smile and many think I'm vile.
I'm flying, I jump you can look but don't you hump. Whoo!
I major, I roar. I swear I'm not a whore.
We cheer and we lead - we act like we're on speed.
You hate us cause we're beautiful but we don't like you either.
We're cheerleaders. We are cheerleaders!

Excerpt from "Bring it On"

Work Bring it On (The Original)

"Suppose x is the speed…"


An algebra teacher is discussing a problem with a student. The teacher says: "Now, suppose x is the speed at which the train is travelling…". And the student says "But teacher, what if x is not the speed at which the train is travelling?

Author Unknown
Work Re: "A Parody on Aristotle's Organum"

The Shibber Factor


Keep all the grades of the students who passed the test as is, and convert the grades of all the students who failed to 54%.

Author Shlomi Fish
Work Based on a Technion Legend

God is Dead


“God is Dead”

— Nietzsche

“Nietzsche is Dead”

— God

( writing on a toilet's wall )

Author Anonymous toilet's wall writers
Work Writing on a toilet's wall.

A serious Philosophical Work


A serious and good philosophical work could be written that would consist entirely of jokes.

-- Ludwig Wittgenstein

Author Ludwig Wittgenstein

The difference between a bad student and a good student


The difference between a bad student and a good student is that a bad student forgets all the material five minutes before the exam, while a good student five minutes after it.

Author One of Shlomi Fish's Lecturers
Work Technion Class

Histeria! - "did the Fall Hurt You?"


[Isaac Newton falls off the tree]

Cho-Cho: Did the fall hurt you?

Newton: It wasn't the fall; it was the sudden stop at the end.

Author Tom Ruegger
Work Histeria!

Knuth: Beware of Bugs


Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.

Author Donald Knuth
Work Memo to Peter van Emde Boas

Stallmanism vs. Stalinism


It's not because they have suddenly converted to Stallmanism.

Anyone else misread that as "Stalinism"?

The word "Stalinism" is deprecated, the correct term is "GNU/Communism".

-- Spotted on Slashdot

Author k98sven
Work Slashdot Comment: “Re: Misread”

Slashdot: Creative Shells


Personally, I'd have a far better time writing scripts if I had some more creative shells to script in…

ASMsh: The Assembly shell. Commands include MOV, SHL, SHR, JNE, etc.

shellTM: Turing machine shell. Only four commands. Read, write, move left, move right. Capable of producing any programming language imaginable, given enough time and nerves of steel.

GeneSH: Four commands. G, A, T, C. Need I say more?

Qsh: Only uses one environment variable, which contains all possible values simultaneously. Method of scripting: isolate the universe in which the desired result is already accomplished, and intersect with it.

Of course, I never said they'd be easy to use. But then, if these shells existed, and I knew a sysadmin who used any of them, you can believe Sysadmin Day would be a far more celebrated holiday.

The Night Watchman on a Slashdot Comment

Author The Night Watchman
Work Slashdot comment.

Mission from God


We're on a mission from God.

-- The Blues Brothers

Author Dan Aykroyd and John Landis
Work "The Blues Brothers"

Sitting Here Doing Nothing


It may look like I'm just sitting here doing nothing, but I'm really actively waiting for all my problems to go away.

Author Unknown
Work Unknown

"The ones of you that have heard it before"


I'm going to do a routine now, the ones of you that have heard it before may enjoy hearing it again. The ones of you that have not heard it before - may enjoy hearing it again next time.

Author Victor Borge
Work Phonetic Punctuation

Larry Wall: "I'm an Optimist"


I guess I really am an optimist. A paranoid optimist, true, but an optimist nonetheless.

Larry Wall, "The 3rd State of the Onion"

Author Larry Wall
Work 3rd State of the Onion

"Linus Torvalds's Greatest Hack"


In fact, I think Linus's [= Linus Torvalds'] cleverest and most consequential hack was not the construction of the Linux kernel itself, but rather his invention of the Linux development model. When I expressed this opinion in his presence once, he smiled and quietly repeated something he has often said: "I'm basically a very lazy person who likes to get credit for things other people actually do." Lazy like a fox. Or, as Robert Heinlein famously wrote of one of his characters, too lazy to fail.

Eric Raymond, the "Cathedral and the Bazaar"

Author Eric Raymond
Work The Cathedral and the Bazaar

"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb…"


Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote.

Misattributed to Benjamin Franklin

Author Not clear
Work Quotes about Democracy

On Tech Progress


Shlomi Fish: And to think that home desktops can simulate these systems [= PDP-10's and PDP-11's] much faster than those ancient mainframes.

William Lee Irwin III: Shlomi, and to think the net usefulness of the home desktops is less than what users got out of those mainframes.

#offtopic on the IRC network.

Author William Lee Irwin III

"I feel much better…"


I feel much better, now that I've given up hope.

Ashleigh Brilliant

Author Ashleigh Brilliant
Work "I Feel Much Better, Now That I've Given Up Hope


I have abandoned my search for truth, and am now looking for a good fantasy.

Ashleigh Brilliant

Author Ashleigh Brilliant
Work "I Have Abandoned My Search for Truth and Am Now Looking for a Good Fantasy"

"I may not be totally perfect…"


I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.

Ashleigh Brilliant

Author Ashleigh Brilliant
Work I May Not Be Totally Perfect, but Parts of Me Are Excellent

Dijkstra on Whether a Computer can Think


The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Edsger W. Dijkstra

Author Edsger W. Dijkstra
Work EWD898 - The threats to computing science

Intelligent Life


Sometimes I think the surest sign, that intelligent life exists else where in our universe is, is that none of it has tried to contact us.


Author Bill Watterson
Work Calvin & Hobbes quotes

The more I think about it


The more I think about it, the more I think I should think about it some more.

Clarissa in "Clarissa Explains it All"

Work Clarissa Explains it All

Rusty Russell's Signature


Rusty Russell's signature:

Anyone who quotes me in their sig is an idiot.
-- Rusty Russell

Author Rusty Russell
Work Rusty Russell's Signature

The First Law of Thermodynamics


The First Law of Thermodynamics: A system with a constant energy, volume and pressure behaves in any way it wants.

Author Unknown

Linus Torvalds about His Macros


I wrote them (and looking at the original ones, I'm a bit ashamed: the "toupper()" and "tolower()" macros are so horribly ugly that I wouldn't admit to writing them if it wasn't because somebody else claimed to have done so.)

Linus Torvalds on the Linux Kernel Mailing List in response to SCO's Linux Kernel ownership claims.

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Post to the Linux Kernel Mailing List

Everything is Owned by SCO


Baby making is owned by SCO. Linus's mother never payed royalities.

Also, having a name is a SCO trade secret. By giving Linus a name, they again ask for being fined.

Best regards,


(p.s.: Iztok is owned by SCO, and phrase "Best Regards" as well. LWN is owned by SCO.)

An LWN comment in regards to the SCO ownership claims of Linux Kernel code.

Author Iztok
Work Linus is "owned by SCO"

The source of my intention


The source of my intention
really isn't crime prevention
My intention is prevention of the lie.

Scatman John
"Scatman's World"

Author Scatman John
Work Scatman's World

ESR: "To follow the Path"


To follow the path:
look to the master,
follow the master,
walk with the master,
see through the master,
become the master.

Eric S. Raymond in "How To Become a Hacker"

Author Eric Raymond
Work How to Become a Hacker

"GIMP Should Manipulate SVGs" on #gimp


strestout1 Can GIMP save to svg?
rindolf strestout1: SVG is a vector graphics format.
rindolf strestout1: GIMP manipulates bitmaps.
strestout1 Yes rindolf, I know.
strestout1 I just thought itd be nice to have one app for everything instead of having to use inkscape for svg and gimp for everything else.
UnNamed It could do 3d too.
schumaml And Audio processing…
UnNamed And Audio mixing…
UnNamed And word processing…
schumaml And it gotta have a kitchen sink!
schumaml So, the real question might be: is there an image editing mode for Emacs? ;)
Channel #gimp
Network GimpNet
Tagline "GIMP Should Manipulate SVGs"

Hanah Senesh: Walk to Caesarea


My God, My God,
May it never, never end.
The sand and the sea,
the jitter of the water,
the shine of the sky,
the prayer of Man.

"A Walk to Caesarea" / Hanah Senesh
( Translated from Hebrew by Shlomi Fish )

Author Hanah Senesh
Work Walk to Caesarea

"I am not without artifice where magic is concerned…"


'You must know that I am not without artifice where magic is concerned,' said Weasel. 'Only last year did I - assisted by my friend there - part the notoriously powerful Archmage of Ymitury from his staff, his belt of moon jewels, and his life, in that approximate order.'

Author Terry Pratchett
Work The Colour of Magic

Linus Torvalds about the SHA1 Security


If we want to have any kind of confidence that the hash is really unbreakable, we should make it not just longer than 160 bits, we should make sure that it's two or more hashes, and that they are based on totally different principles.

And we should all digitally sign every single object too, and we should use 4096-bit PGP keys and unguessable passphrases that are at least 20 words in length. And we should then build a bunker 5 miles underground, encased in lead, so that somebody cannot flip a few bits with a ray-gun, and make us believe that the sha1's match when they don't. Oh, and we need to all wear aluminum propeller beanies to make sure that they don't use that ray-gun to make us do the modification _ourselves_.

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Message to the git mailing list

Neo-Tech: About Capitalism


The dictionary definition of capitalism is: An economic system characterized by private ownership of capital goods and by investments that are determined by private decision rather than by state control. Prices, production and distribution of goods are determined by a free market.

But most writers and commentators put dishonest altruistic-platonistic connotations on the meaning of capitalism: A system of exploitation of the weak by the strong -- devoid of love and good will. A system in which unwanted goods and services are pushed onto consumers through clever, deceptive advertising for the sole purpose of profits and greed. Capitalism dominates most Western governments. Capitalism, big business, and fascism are synonymous.

Neo-Tech IV / The Neo-Tech Discovery.

Author Frank R. Wallace
Work Neo Tech IV

"People who disagree with me…"


Which mindset is right? Mine, of course. People who disagree with me are by definition crazy. (Until I change my mind, when they can suddenly become upstanding citizens. I'm flexible, and not black-and-white.)

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Linus compares Linux and BSDs

One bug, two bugs, tar bugs, su bugs,


One bug, two bugs, tar bugs, su bugs,
grep bugs, mew bugs, old bugs, new bugs.
This bug has a little hack,
This bug has a broken stack.
Say! What a lot of bugs to track.
Yes, some are in tar, and some in su.
Some are old. And some are new.
Some in sed, and some in jed.
And some are even in parted.
Why are they in parted, jed and sed?
I do not know. Bugs should be dead!
Some in jpeg, and some in TIFF
This TIFF one has an attached diff.
From there to here, from here to there
Test release bugs are everywhere.

Author Red Hat Inc. Fedora Workers
Work Fedora Core 2 Test 2 available for x86 and x86-64

Charlene: The Sweet Life


"I took the sweet life
but I never knew
I'd be bitter from the sweet"

Author Charlene
Work I've Never Been to Me

Neo-Tech: Fully Integrated Honesty


Yet, acting on fully integrated honesty (Neo-Tech), not reason itself, is the basic moral act. When Genghis Khan, for example, chose to use reasoning for a specific military move, then in an out-of-context sense, he chose to act morally by protecting himself and his troops (thus filling human biological needs). But in the larger sense of fully integrated honesty, Khan's total actions were grossly immoral in choosing to use aggressive force in becoming a mass murderer (thus negating human biological needs). The highly destructive, irrational immorality of Genghis Khan's overall dictatorial military actions far outweighed any narrow, out-of-context "moral" actions. …Genghis Khan was enormously evil as were Stalin, Hitler, Mao, Castro, Pol Pot.

Neo-Tech Orientation and Definitions

Author Frank R. Wallace
Work Neo Tech Orientation and Definitions

chromatic: "Ruby Code Can't Be Bad"


Why are there so many unmaintainable applications written in PHP and Perl? Because PHP and Perl let undisciplined, inexperienced programmers write useful code. So does Ruby -- but give it the popularity and longevity of PHP and Perl (at least in English-speaking circles) and I bet you'll see plenty of bad code written in Ruby too.

This seems like a variant of the Hackers and Painters fallacy. (Paul Graham is rich. Paul Graham writes Lisp. Therefore everyone who writes Lisp will get rich.) "All of the good, smart programmers I know are using Ruby. They write good code. Therefore you can't write bad code in Ruby!"

It feels like there's another fallacy in there somewhere. I want to call it the Pre-Post-Java Blindspot, where Java was the beginning of Serious Programming Languages and only its successor will unseat it. (Like any good fallacy, you have to ignore history, such as the fact that Ruby's between 10 and 12 years old.)

(I mean, if you really just can't read regular expressions, why not admit it? You could start a twelve-step program or something.)

Author chromatic
Work Blog Post for 17-Novemeber-2005

I Upgraded the Plot Device's…


I have upgraded the plot device's hard-drive, soft-drive and squishy drive,and it is now being the world's most powerful super-computer!

The Angry Scientist in "Sheep in the Big City"

Author Mo Willems
Work Sheep in the Big City

Affairs of Dragons


Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Source unknown.

Author Unknown Author
Work Internet Meme

Bjarne Stroustrup about Java


Much of the relative simplicity of Java is - like for most new languages - partly an illusion and partly a function of its incompleteness. As time passes, Java will grow significantly in size and complexity. It will double or triple in size and grow implementation-dependent extensions or libraries. That is the way every commercially successful language has developed. Just look at any language you consider successful on a large scale. I know of no exceptions, and there are good reasons for this phenomenon. [I wrote this before 2000; now see a preview of Java 1.5 - ]

Author Bjarne Stroustrup
Work F.A.Q. Entry about Java

Oscar Wilde on Redundancy (from the Uncyclopedia)


"I simply hate, detest, loathe, despise, and abhor redundancy."

An Oscar Wilde quote, that quotes Oscar Wilde on his views on Redundancy in a quote.

Author Uncyclopedia
Work Uncyclopedia entry about Redundancy

Vital Enterprise Applications Are (DailyWTF)


In yesterday's post (Bitten by the Enterprise Bug), we learned how vital enterprise application are for proactive organizations leveraging collective synergy to think outside the box and formulate their key objectives into a win-win game plan with a quality-driven approach that focuses on empowering key players to drive-up their core competencies and increase expectations with an all-around initiative to drive up the bottom-line.

Author The Daily WTF
Work The Daily WTF - Enterprise SQL

Beatles: "Come Together"


He says "One and one and one is three".
Got to be good-looking 'cause he's so hard to see.

Excerpt from "Come Together" by the Beatles.

Author The Beatles
Work Come Together

The Smithosnian (from Ozy and Millie)


Isolde: Any museum has a certain Americana factor. But the Smithosnian… This is the one place you can find the very essence of America, distilled.

Millie: Ooh.. do they let you drink it, and then take on mutant American superpowers, and then go around unilaterlly dispensing frontier-style justice in the name of "Freedom"?

Isolde: No, not usually.

Millie: Museums would be a lot more fun if they'd actually *read* what I put in their suggestion boxes.

Author D.C. Simpson
Work Ozy and Millie - "The Essence of America"

Slashdot: Vim Version 7


Version 7? [of Vim]

GNU Emacs is at version 21.4. Can we really trust such an immature editor?

"yet another coward" in a Slashdot comment for the announcement of the release of Vim version 7. Slashdot comment

Author yet another coward
Work Comment on the release of Vim version 7

Star Trek Plot on FreeNode's #bmp - The Beep Media Player channel.


deadchip Computer: Remove characters 'nenolod' and 'sxpert'.
deadchip *beeepbeepbeebeeep*
deadchip Computer: Resume program.
sxpert "Program cannot run without characters 'nenolod' and 'sxpert'. restoring instances.
deadchip Computer: Command override, command code Lt. Cmdr. Milosz Derezynski omega-3-3-9-alpha zero. Remove instances 'nenolod' and 'sxpert'.
deadchip "Unable to comply."
deadchip "Computer: Is it possible to at least, _alter_ the subprograms nenolod and sxpert?"
deadchip "Specify parameters."
deadchip hmm i take that as a "yes"
sxpert lol
deadchip "Computer: Please remove 'nonsense' component from 'sxpert' character."
deadchip "Affirmative."
sxpert "unable to comply. "
deadchip bah
deadchip yeah
nenolod grr
deadchip you're truly un-nonsensifiable
deadchip hahaha
sxpert "the intellectual subroutines are not alterable"
deadchip "Computer: Is it possible to alter the _look_ of the character 'sxpert'?"
deadchip "Affirmative."
deadchip "Computer: Please dress character 'sxpert' in a clown's costume."
deadchip "Specify paramters."
deadchip "Mid-20th-century Earth, Balkan area."
deadchip "Processing. Character alteration complete."
deadchip sxpert: bah
deadchip yeah i knew you would delete the whole databank first
sxpert lol
geekoe "Computer, can we …. finally… simply remover the characters 'sxpert'?"
sxpert "computer, here's arlequin costume. apply to character deadchip"
sxpert "character parameters changed"
sxpert "woop"
geekoe :D
deadchip o_O
Channel #bmp
Network Freenode
Tagline Star Trek-Like Plot

I'd love to change the world


I'd love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.

— Unknown

Author Unknown Author
Work Unknown

"What are stars?" on the Lion King


Pumbaa: Timon, ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there?

Timon: Pumbaa, I don't wonder; I know.

Pumbaa: Oh. What are they?

Timon: They're fireflies. Fireflies that, uh… got stuck up on that big bluish-black thing.

Pumbaa: Oh, gee. I always thought they were gigantic balls of gas burning billions of miles away.

Timon: Pumbaa, with you, everything's gas.

Author Walt Disney Corp
Work "The Lion King"

Martin about UNIX Letting You Shoot Yourself in the Foot


>That's the nice thing about UNIX, it gives you so many >ways to shoot yourself in the foot. :)

At least it does allow you to shoot yourself in the foot.

It doesn't say "shooting feet isn't supported"

Or you can shoot yourself in the foot by writing a management console plugin that will pass the data to Word using VBA and then call Excel via com to split it into columns and then write an activeX control to get the columns back as

Author Martin
Work Comment in the JoS Forum

Dazjorz: "We are the Borg on IRC"


[21:10] *** dazjorz changed nick to We
[21:10] * We are the Borg.
[21:10] *** We changed nick to Lower
[21:10] * Lower your shields and power down your weapons.
[21:11] *** Lower changed nick to We
[21:11] * We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own.
[21:11] *** We changed nick to Resistance
[21:11] * Resistance is futile.
[21:11] *** Resistance changed nick to __You
[21:11] * __You will be assimilated.
[21:11] *** __You changed nick to dazjorz
Author Sjors (Dazjorz)
Work Freenode on IRC

God is my favourite…


"(God) is my favourite fictional character." - Homer Simpson

Author Matt Groening
Work The Simpsons

Learn several new words everyday


You should learn several new words everyday--eventually you will forget how to speak so others can understand you.

Yaakov on Freenode's #perl

Author Yaakov
Work Freenode's #perl Conversation.



For thousands of years, we have been plagued by mathematicians insisting that two plus two equals four. Who elected them? I, Stevie-O, am promoting an entirely new system, where two plus two equals FIVE. Eventually, it will be extended to provide other stuff these power-hungry madmen kept hidden away for themselves, such as division by zero, cold fusion, the ability to solve the halting problem, and the secret to attracting hot chicks.

Stevie-O on the Acme::NewMath POD document.

Author Stevie-O
Work Acme::NewMath POD document

Should Perl drop SCO Support?


> Should Perl do the same? [= Drop SCO Support]

Absolutely not. Perl supports defunct operating systems, buggy operating systems, commercial operating systems, and poorly marketed operating systems. It would be inappropropriate to drop SCO just because it happens to be all of the above.

Author Kurt Starsinic
Work Email

Climbing for the Apocalypse on #perlcafe


jkauffman Lynx_: you do seem to do a lot of climbing
jkauffman Lynx_: you'll have the last laugh when the apocalypse comes
jkauffman you'll be physically fit
jkauffman climbing over the mountains of sulfurous ash
jkauffman bounding over rivers of lava
Lynx_ sounds great
Lynx_ but what will i eat?
jkauffman those who didn't bother to practice climbing
Lynx_ eww
Lynx_ those will be all fatty
Lynx_ but maybe sulfurous ash is not so bad with some salt
jkauffman perhaps
Channel #perlcafe
Network Freenode
Tagline Climbing for the Apocalypse

Slashdot: "In Soviet Russia…"


In Soviet Russia, every time you kill a kitten, god masturbates

GyroTech on a Slashdot comment

Author GyroTech
Work Slashdot Comment

"I Wrote This Much Code" on Freenode's #perlcafe


jagerman dooky: A coworker used to like to say things like "I wrote this much code" while holding his hands a couple feet apart
mofino hahaha
jagerman Once I asked him "At what font size?"
mofino +30
q[ender] hahah
jagerman He never said it any more
Channel #perlcafe
Network Freenode
Tagline "I Wrote This Much Code"

Slashdot: Dealing with RMS's Vim Attitude


Recently, Richard Stallman gave a speech in which he illustrated an academic point about programming history by quoting a guy who described vi as 'an editor spread at sword-point and which is really hard to use'.

I think I speak for all moderate vi(m) users when I say -- DEATH and DAMNATION (in that order) to this Cardinal of the CTRL key! Needless to say my own local vim user group has dispatched assassins to kill Mr. Stallman, but this is hardly the end of the story. The fact is that a man has referred to another man who in turn expressed some often-voiced reservations about OUR EDITOR! On behalf of all editors of text everywhere, I implore EMACS users to return to the true path, lest you be burned at the stake and then go to hell, the Buffer From Which There Is No Unloading. We'll see how productive you are then, with your ctrl-meta-alt and your ELISP and your 'ring buffer', whatever THAT is.

Peace and love to all.
exit :exit

kahei on Slashdot

Author kahei
Work Slashdot Comment

Linus: "debugging my own machines"


The thing is, I don't actually enjoy debugging my own machines. I _much_ prefer having other people debug _their_ machines, and fixing my machine in the process. So I didn't want just something that worked on the Mac Mini, I wanted something that works _universally_, so that hopefully people who are even crazier than me will waste _their_ time trying to get these machines working.

Linus Torvalds in an Email message

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Email Message

Slasdhot: Iran: "First they came for"


Re:Silly Iranians… ALWAYS!

First, they came for the newspapers, and I did nothing because the Farsi Side comic was just re-prints now.

Next, they came for the books, and I looked the other way because the Death to America Book of the Month Club was only recommending books to burn anyway.

Then, they came for the Satellite Dishes, and I said nothing because I still had a year left on my Infidelphia Cable contract.

Finally, they came for my Internet Service, and no one was left to hear my ululation!

patrixmyth on Slashdot

Author patrixmyth
Work Slashdot Comment

Linus Torvalds: "I Won't Always Change my Mind"


I don't guarantee that I always change my mind, but I _can_ guarantee that if most of the people I trust tell me I'm a dick-head, I'll at least give it a passing thought.

[ Chorus: "You're a dick-head, Linus" ]

Linus Torvalds in an E-mail message.

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Email Message

Review of the Oxford English Dictionary


Review of the Oxford English Dictionary on

[One Star]

"an epic work that has trouble holding the interest"

By: a customer

I'm at the ABs, and I still can't get a grip on the plot. Characters enter, are introduced in exhausting detail -- and then disappear again! Very frustrating. The only time an old character shows up again is in another's history! A lot like _A Dance to the Music of Time_, I suppose.

Perhaps things will become clearer when we meet Oxford, English or Dictionary -- clearly three key figures. Some kind of menage a trois?

Work Oxford English Dictionary

Neo-Tech: Selfishness


Although the contents of her book, The Virtue of Selfishness, are precisely accurate and widely integrated, Ayn Rand committed an error by distorting the word "selfishness" in fashioning a dramatic statement. The word "selfishness" does have valuable, precise denotations of "an irrational, harmful disregard for others". Rand could have strengthened her work by selecting accurate wording such as rational self-growth. Instead, she unnecessarily bent and undermined the precise, valuable meaning of selfishness. …As with selflessness, selfishness is a form of immature, destructive, irrational behavior -- a form of stupid behavior.

Neo-Tech Advantage No. 14 - "Self-Growth vs. Selfless View"

Author Frank R. Wallace
Work Neo-Tech Advantage No. 14 - "Self-Growth vs. Selfless View"

Alan Kay on C++


I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Alan Kay (Attributed)

Author Alan Kay

VB.NET and Java Freenode's #perl


ew73 VB.NET is all of the fun of enforced privacy OO with all of the power of BASIC.
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline VB.NET and Java

Wilderness Cat: Extra Peculiar


Extra Peculiar

Did you watch Uri Geller's show last night? He said that if anything extraordinary happened at home during the show, people should phone in, or report it at his website. During the entire show I was installing Hebrew Windows XP for my mother-in-law, and something extraordinary did happen. The operating system got installed, came up, ran without a glitch. Should I report this to Uri?

khatul's comment:

Without a glitch, huh? Apparently you (and Uri) managed to install Linux from a Windows XP installation CD. This is much more than telekinesis. It smells like pure alien intervention. Report immediately!

Author wildernesscat
Work wildernesscat : Extra Peculiar (Blog Entry)

Linus Torvalds: Rare "Perfect" Kernels


It's one of those rare "perfect" kernels. So if it doesn't happen to compile with your config (or it does compile, but then does unspeakable acts of perversion with your pet dachshund), you can rest easy knowing that it's all your own d*mn fault, and you should just fix your evil ways.

You could send me and the kernel mailing list a note about it anyway, of course. (And perhaps pictures, if your dachshund is involved. Not that we'd be interested, of course. No. Just so that we'd know to avoid it next time).

Linus Torvalds announcing the 2.6.19 Linux kernel.
Email message

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Email Message

"Not comparable" on Freenode's #perl


castoff merlyn: is it true that array itteration is better performance wise than hash itteration?
* avar would guess that array iter is faster than hash iter
merlyn what is "hash iter"?
merlyn with "each()"?
castoff foreach key…
avar yeah, or keys
merlyn I don't see those as comparable
merlyn when you have a hash, and you need to iterate, you do.
merlyn when you have an array, and you need to iterate, you do
merlyn what is there to choose between?
castoff the hash has no real value stored other than the key so i converted to arrays
avar merlyn: you can compare the speed of the two operations
avar well duh
merlyn Why would you compare the speed of unrelated events?
merlyn "let's time baking this bread compared to driving to seattle"
merlyn it's pointless
ides merlyn: heh, yes, but I think it would make a funny performance comparison article! :)
merlyn "always optimize for baking bread!"
* avar eats merlyn
ides merlyn: I was thinking more along the lines of "Performance comparison on Perl vs RoR vs Ice Fishing"
merlyn "I repeated baking bread 5000 times to get the average"
merlyn "It took me six years"
ides merlyn: too bad there isn't a Benchmark module for my oven…
merlyn Ovenmark
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Not comparable

Jokes about Particle Physics on Freenode's #perl


Teratogen Two atoms are walking down the street when one of them says "I think I've lost an electron." The second one says "are you sure?", to which the first one replies "Yes, I'm positive".
mpeg4codec So officer Schroedinger pulls over this quantum particle and he says ``Do you know how fast you were going?''
mpeg4codec the particle says, ``No, but I know exactly where I am.''
Teratogen everybody has heard of Schroedinger's cat experiment
Teratogen but very few people know that Schroedinger hated cats
Teratogen with a passion
Teratogen and actually experimented on them
Teratogen he even owned a set of cat-fur gloves
Teratogen cats mysteriously disappeared around Schroedinger's laboratory
Teratogen and there was no Chinese restaurant close by to explain the disappearances
mpeg4codec Schroedinger's cat: wanted dead AND alive
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Jokes about Particle Physics

Tel Aviv - a functional definition


Tel Aviv - a functional definition:

Free parking space free space.

Shachar Shemesh
Blog Post

Author Shachar Shemesh
Work "Tel Aviv - a Functional Definition" (Blog Post)

Always find someone to blame on Freenode's #perl.


Botje tecloSolaris: that's an irssi script. you can't run it outside irssi.
tecloSolaris but it fails in irssi
Botje why does it fail?
merlyn it fails because of its parents!
merlyn I blame its parents
merlyn It fails because of society.
merlyn it fails as a fundamental shortcoming of Perl
merlyn it fails at succeeding
Teratogen I blame society!
merlyn I blame Teratogen's society.
merlyn I'll blame the blamer
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Always find someone to blame

Linus Torvalds: Releasing Kernel 2.6.20 on Superbowl Sunday


In a widely anticipated move, Linux "headcase" Torvalds today announced the immediate availability of the most advanced Linux kernel to date, version 2.6.20.

Before downloading the actual new kernel, most avid kernel hackers have been involved in a 2-hour pre-kernel-compilation count-down, with some even spending the preceding week doing typing exercises and reciting PI to a thousand decimal places.

The half-time entertainment is provided by randomly inserted trivial syntax errors that nerds are expected to fix at home before completing the compile, but most people actually seem to mostly enjoy watching the compile warnings, sponsored by Anheuser-Busch, scroll past.

As ICD head analyst Walter Dickweed put it: "Releasing a new kernel on Superbowl Sunday means that the important 'pasty white nerd' constituency finally has something to do while the rest of the country sits comatose in front of their 65" plasma screens".

Walter was immediately attacked for his racist and insensitive remarks by Geeks without Borders representative Marilyn vos Savant, who pointed out that not all of their members are either pasty nor white. "Some of them even shower!" she added, claiming that the constant stereotyping hurts nerds' standing in society.

Geeks outside the US were just confused about the whole issue, and were heard wondering what the big hoopla was all about. Some of the more culturally aware of them were heard snickering about balls that weren't even round.

-- Linus Torvalds announcing kernel 2.6.20 ( )

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Announcement of Kernel 2.6.20




Making excessive use of long words.

Work Definition for Sesquipedallian

TimToady's Lament


TimToady TimToady's Lament: The pain in reign falls mainly in the 'splain. --
Channel #perl6
Network Freenode
Tagline TimToady's Lament

Slashdot: The Spanish Inquisition


You fool. Why did you tell him the Spanish Inquisition is coming. Now he's going to expect it.

niconorsk on a Slashdot Comment

Author niconorsk
Work Slashdot Comment

Cluster of 386s


From the Beowulf Cluster FAQ:

11. Should I build a cluster of these 100 386s? [1999-05-13]

If it's OK with you that it'll be slower than a single Celeron-333 machine, sure. Great way to learn.

Work Beowulf mailing list FAQ

Are you being installed in FreeNode's #perl


* f00li5h installs q-mail
* dazjorz installs f00li5h
* Zaba installs dazjorz
jeeger qmail installs f00li5h
jeeger In soviet russia …
jeeger Software installs YOU!
* dazjorz rm -rf zaba
* f00li5h is in Soviet Australia
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Are you being installed?

Losing my Abstraction


That's me in the corner.
That's me in the spotlight.
Losing my abstraction.

Trying to keep my point of view…
And I don't know if I can do it.
Oh no, I code too much.
Haven't debugged enough.

Is that why I heard you laughing?
I thought that I heard you ping.
I think I thought I saw you reply.

Author Andy Armstrong and Randal L. Schwartz
Work Perl module-authors post

Memorial Day Weekend and SQL Databases


Slashdot Comment on Reasons to or not to use MySQL:

A nice flame war. I'm just going to sit back, crack a beer and enjoy it. It is almost memorial day weekend, you know. Hopefully it get hot enough in here to roast a hot dog.

Oh goody! I'll help get things going:

  • * MySQL users will have to wait until you are done with the fire before they can roast their hot dogs, since MySQL is not a real database and does not support concurrent roasting;
  • * I've read the PostgreSQL manual eight times and still can't figure out something as bloody simple as roasting a hot dog, though I did figure out I have to call VACUUM before I can apply ketchup;
  • * Serious enterprises who care about their hot dogs use Oracle, since you can roast over 10,000 dogs at once and optionally impart the taste of filet mignon;
  • * If you try to roast a footlong hotdog using MySQL it will silently truncate it to regular size, causing your child to cry;
  • * Oracle will sue you if you complain about the difficulty of starting your fire or the blackened taste of the dogs;
  • * With SQLite your hot dogs are pre-roasted;
  • * Last year on Memorial Day, mysqld leapt out of my MacBook Pro and pushed my cousin into the fire, resulting in third degree burns. And also it causes cancer. And terrorism. Blindness. Violent puppy death. BOO! MYSQL IS SCARY DON'T USE MYSQL!!

Work Slashdot Comment

DailyWTF: Calculator 2.0


Max Rabkin's description for his entry is better than anything I could come up with:

"Calculator 2.0 is an enterprise-level client-side numerical productivity suite. It leverages proven technologies to provide a clear and user-friendly interface to a rich set of efficient and powerful components. It is powered by an XML database."

OMGWTF Highlights #2: Misc. (The Daily WTF)

Work OMGWTF Highlights #2: Misc. (The Daily WTF)

Slashdot: Dual Core and Microsoft


I think this is the idea behind dual core: 1 core belongs to microsoft, 1 core for you.

-- sucati on a Slashdot comment

No. All your core are belong to us.

-- geobeck in response.

Work Slashdot Comments

"Eye have a Spelling Chequer"


Eye have a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write.
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
and eye can put the error rite.
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

Work Spell Chequer

Slashdot: Linus and Bill Gates


Oh no, here we go again..

"Linus just made the kernel; it's irritating when he gets credit for Linux"

"Yeah, but at least he made the Kernel -- Gates just made the Basic compiler"

"That's news to me - have you ever heard of this guy called Paul Allen?"

"Doesn't matter - personally I think the Linux kernel isn't all that - I use BSD"

"Screw Linus -- he was wrong about Bitkeeper and Tivo so he's wrong about MS & Novell"

"Yeah, well at least he's not a convicted monopolist"

"Yeah, until M$ stops treating me like a criminal I refuse to buy their software"

Also insert random quotes and mis-quotes such as: "When Microsoft writes an application for Linux, I've Won." - Linus Torvalds "640kb ought to be enough for everybody" - Bill Gates

That about cover it? Can we have a non-childish discussion now? If there's any other slime to be thrown, just reply to this post -- let's keep the forum clean for an actual discussion.

Slashdot comment

Author dhavleak
Work Slashdot Comment

Free Karma on Freenode's #perl6.


masak this definitely gives a more solid feel for kp6
masak kudos to whomever set exp_evalbot up!
moritz_ masak: that was me ;)
masak moritz_: kudos
masak moritz_++
spinclad moritz_++
fglock moritz++ :)
masak moritz_++ # the best thing about karma is that it's free
masak moritz++ # oh right
moritz_ thanks
moritz_ "karma is like software - it's better when it's free" ;-)
Channel #perl6
Network Freenode
Tagline Free Karma

Getting rich easily on Freenode's #perl.


talexb Wow, I've won 4M pounds sterling, and all I have to do is contact someone in Zambia for more information. What could possibly go wrong?
rindolf talexb: heh.
jagerman Wait, I thought *I* won that.
talexb rindolf, Can't believe people still fall for that line ..
fwiles damn, wish I would win something… I just seem to be pre-approved for about $13 billion worth of home loans
talexb Oops, sorry jagerman .. I'm already faxing this lady my Power of Attorney!!!
talexb fwiiles, Oh, that'll buy you a nice semi in Toronto.
jagerman talexb: Oh, I'm way ahead of you then. I'm flying there to meet with "government officials."
jagerman I'm paying for it myself, of course, since I'll be rich once they transfer the money to me.
talexb jagerman, Rats! Hey, I know a couple of lawyers if you need 'em .. very trustworthy, share some office space with some barbers.
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Getting Rich Easily

Neo-Tech: All the Destruction for What?


Poetical sing-song or hypnotically rhythmic meter are often found in the rhetoric of dictators, evangelists, sibyls, politicians, theologians, mountebanks, social "intellectuals", media men, medicine men, hallucinating psychotics, chanting shiites, and screaming terrorists. Consider how millions of normally rational Germans thrilled and responded to the poetical cadence and charisma of the consummate altruist neocheater, Adolph Hitler. The results: a reign of destruction with tens of millions of human beings slaughtered so one impotent man could indulge his mysticism to feel unearned power. All that slaughter was for nothing more than to let one neocheater feel a pseudo self-esteem. …Twenty million dead so one pip-squeak could feel big and important.

"So what!" cry the mystics as the lifetime efforts of a thousand productive, innocent individuals are blown to bits every day without a backward glance. So what if the troops roll across the country with military cadence and guns ablaze. So what if they level town after town, reducing to rubble and corpses all the values, beauty, and life that took generations of productive effort to build.

And that is all the chanting religious automatons or splendid Panzer divisions know how to do -- to destroy in a moment, without a thought, all the values that producers labored for lifetimes to build. Chanting mobs or marching troops never glance back, never think for a moment of the death and destruction they leave behind. So what! the mystics and neocheaters cry. So what if genocide happens in Russia, Nazi Germany, Cuba, Cambodia, Red China, or in our land. "I don't want to hear it! To hell with the lifetime efforts of productive individuals! …Save the snail darter!"

Neo-Tech Advantage No. 104

Author Frank R. Wallace
Work Neo-Tech Advantage No. 104

Fonts and Microsoft


> > > Ah, understood.  I was stuck with Outlook at my last job, and it was
> > > impossible to get it to quote a message in a way that you could
> > > actually reply to things point by point.  It seemed optimized for
> > > sending a message to every person in the company and making all of
> > > your text blue.  What a fucking joke.
> >
> > If it's a joke you should use Comic Sans so everyone /knows/ it's
> > funny.
> No no, Comic Sans is for presentations to the shareholders!

Somebody who is presenting to shareholders knows how to change the
default font?

Author Jonathan Rockway, Andy Armstrong, Jonathan Rockway, and Adrian Howard
Work Perl Module Authors Post

Slashdot: 1 out of 10 Lawyers


Geez…get any 10 lawyers together, one will be a real decent person, the other nine will be total asshats.

Slashdot Comment

It just appears that way because it's logarithmic. 100 lawyers will net you 2 good ones, 1000 lawyers 3 good ones and so forth.

Slashdot comment

Work Slashdot Comment

What would Jesus do?


What *would* Jesus do?

Oh my god.

"They felt Jesus would not have approved of copyright breaches."

Jesus, you da man! Stick it to those kids!

You might be interested to note that the students had studied "Exodus 20:15 - you shall not steal" which comes a little way before Jesus anyway. Wasn't the whole point of Jesus coming to make the "new commandment" that people "love one another as I have loved you" and to annul the previous commandments that were given to Moses? I was raised Christian and was Christian for a long time but now am not, but I can't quite remember the specifics of this point.

Anyway, the point is that Jesus probably would have told them to stick Exodus to the man and just get on with the lovin'. Or something.

liedra in a blog post.

Author liedra
Work Blog Post

Geeky "Your Momma's So Fat" Jokes


LeoNerd defc0n-: Make sure to use a nice tight knot, so your joined thread doesn't fall apart
Somni thread jokes, how droll
* LeoNerd grins "I have a whole stack of them waiting here.."
defc0n- C jokes are worse, a la if (malloc(sizeof(yourmom_t)) == NULL) printf("error: mom too fat\n");
idiotben joke? hell thats good logic! =P Your
idiotben Your momma so fat, the bitch needs PAE to fit in memory w/o using up swap
idiotben yo momma so fat, your dad has to run RHEL4's "hugemem" kernel
idiotben your mom is sooooo fat! everyone she comes in contact with has a buffer overflow!
LeoNerd … she needs 64k cluster size?
LeoNerd (going for a combined fat/FAT joke there)
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Geeky "Your Momma's So Fat" Jokes - Managed C++


Michael Frame:

Managed C++… there’s a pile of hate. Let’s take all the complexity and bad design in C++, and throw away the speed and efficiency by compiling it to .NET interpreted pseudocode instead. Microsoft has such great ideas when it comes to languages.

To which in reply, Yossi Kreinin:

What’s there not to like with C++/CLI? You can have macros expanding to templates from which generics are generated, and then have classes generated from the generics. And these classes can have a close function and two destructors, and hold references to unmanaged pointers to managed pointers! With C++, you only have duplicate features, but with C++/CLI, you can finally have triplicate ones! You see, this is a language for an expert. Experts love having 3 different ways to do things, each broken in its own way.

Work Blog Post


I think you'll find that the [Windows] Desktop Search is completely inseparable from the desktop and that the latter would be rendered completely useless if it is uninstalled. Just like IE is.

speaker of the truth in

Author speaker of the truth
Work Slashdot Comment

A mouse is a device


A mouse is a device used to point at the xterm you want to type in.

Author Unknown
Work alt.sysadmin.recovery

Writing a Mailing List Manager from Scratch


Apart from the fact that I congratulate you for writing bugless software without peer review, I also congratulate you for being able to write a fully RFC compliant MLM that won't blow up when you receive input you didn't account for.

Quite frankly, even a crappy sysadmin can get a reasonable mailman setup working (including nice archiving), quicker than the best coder can rewrite a full MLM from scratch. And you still have time left over to modify/fix/improve mailman to do the few things it didn't do quite right for you.

But if your attitude to coding is "I'd rather rewrite all this than soiling my eyes and hands looking at someone else's code", that's not a very good way to get hired anywhere as a coder, and even if you are super brilliant, you end up being a DJB that people snicker at with "that guy thinks he's so bright that he had to write his own libc" (instead of fixing/wrapping the few problematic pieces of them, and in the case of reasonable maintainers, contributing the code back).

Author Marc Merlin
Work linux-elitists blog post

"Not doing it for money"


We're not just doing it for money…We're doing it for a shitload of money!

Excerpt from Spaceballs

Author Mel Brooks
Work Spaceballs

"%s on %s" on Freenode's #perl


asarch Is there any web application framework for Perl? Something ala Ruby on Rails
integral asarch: Jifty and Catalyst and lots more!
archon- asarch: catalyst
integral for example CGI::Application.
Yaakov asarch: Perl on Pontoons.
integral Jifty is closer to Rails than Catalyst is
integral Catalyst is like Lego, Jifty is like that not-Lego stuff that sucks :-)
asarch Thanks Yaakov
asarch Let me see…
integral Why can't you just use Rails? Too slow? Too crap?
asarch lol :-D
Yaakov Ruby on Rails will always seem like Ruby on Crack to me, thanks to that promotional video…
integral Haskell on Highways
Yaakov Logo on Logs
Yaakov PHP on PCP
integral BCPL on Boats
integral They should bring back BCPL
Yaakov JCL on Jets
anno- cobol on cobbles
Yaakov Algol on Airplanes
Yaakov Snobol on Snowmobiles
Yaakov Ada on Armored Transports
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline %s on %s

Slashdot: Response to "BBC Creates 'Perl on Rails'"


Slasdhot Response to "BBC Creates 'Perl on Rails'":

This is proof that there is a conspiracy to make up absurd programming shenanigans to sell overpriced door stoppers! Coming soon…

  • "Perl on Rails for Dummies"
  • "Perl on Rails for Idiots"
  • "Perl on Rails Bible"
  • "Perl on Rails in 24 Hours"
  • "Perl on Rails in a Nutshell"
  • "Perl on Rails: The Missing Manual"

…at a bookstore near you to burn a hole in your wallet!

Author creimer
Work Slashdot Comment

"Worse is Better" (Larry Wall)


Among the generalists, the conventional wisdom is that the worse-is-better approach is more adaptive. Personally, I get a little tired of the argument: My worse-is-better is better than your worse-is-better because I'm better at being worser! Is it really true that the worse-is-better approach always wins? With Perl 6 we're trying to sneak one better-is-better cycle in there and hope to come out ahead before reverting to the tried and true worse-is-better approach. Whether that works, only time will tell.

Larry Wall in "State of the Onion 11"

Author Larry Wall
Work State of the Onion 11

Too many Freenode #perl cooks.


ew73 I have discovered another benefit to the unemployed status!
ew73 I can cook whenever I want.
sili ew73: cooking with… imagination?
ew73 sili: I'm actually quite good at teh cookingz.
ew73 no :(
sili I guess that explains why you're unemployed :p
ew73 That was mean!
sili it's not like I stole your bike
ew73 That also would be mean.
phroggy good cooking impresses the ladies a lot more than good programming.
utopia_ depends on the lady
phroggy (any present female company excepted, of course)
jdv79 phroggy: except when you don't have any money
ew73 phroggy: But imagine, a good cook AND a good programmer.
sili I can cook some stuff.
phroggy jdv79: yeah, that nixes the deal. I have that problem too.
jdv79 its a start
ew73 "Here's my recipie for mushroom stir-fry. And HERE's the source for my nutritional database system."
phroggy haha
jim ew73: so when you load the data model, do you get the recipe free?
ew73 jim: Geek.
* jim looks around…
jim like yer any different :)
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Too many Freenode #perl cooks.

Security by perl-deprivation on Freenode's #perl.


→FilipeMendes has joined #perl
FilipeMendes any way to avoid having users running perl? I need specify who can or who can not
dondelelcaro FilipeMendes: uh… why?
FilipeMendes security purposes
mauke haha
mauke chmod 0 /usr/bin/perl
dondelelcaro question repeated, with more emphasis and incredulity
FilipeMendes i want specify some users
Caelum FilipeMendes: why would you not want users running perl?
FilipeMendes chmod wouldnt be useful
dkr FilipeMendes: chmod 750 /usr/bin/perl; chgrp leet /usr/bin/perl; and put the leet people in that group ?
FilipeMendes hmmm
dondelelcaro you realize that any user who wants can just stick their own perl executable there?
go|dfish FilipeMendes: ACL , maybe.
dkr also your system scripts might rely on it
dondelelcaro (and probably all of the users actually end up using perl?)
dkr modify the perl code to have it exit based on checking a uid whitelist. :)
dkr change the name to something obscure only the cool people know
mauke _perl
dkr realize that removing tools does not remove abilities and give up
mauke the _ means it's private!
dkr mauke: :D
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Security by perl-deprivation

"It was 20 years ago today…"


It was 20 years ago today
Larry Wall taught some text to play
It's been going in & out of style
But it's stuck around for quite a while()
So may I introduce to you
The tool you've loved for all these years
Larry's Practical Extract & Report Laaaanguage

It's Larry's Practical Extract Report Lang
5.10 still has some bugs to fix
Larry's Practical Extract Report Lang
Don't ask for a date for version 6…
on Perl's 20th Birthday

Author Andy Lester
Work Perl's 20th Birthday

Linus Torvalds: The Purpose of Holidays


The regression list keeps shrinking, so we're still on track for a full 2.6.24 release in early January. Assuming we don't all overeat during the holidays and nobody gets any work done. But we all know that the holidays are really the time when we get away from the boring "real work", and can spend 24/7 on kernel hacking instead, right?

Here's to a merry christmas, doing the whole druidic festival around the tree thing.

Linus Torvalds announcing Linux Kernel prepatch 2.6.24-rc6

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Announcing Linux Kernel prepatch 2.6.24-rc6

Counter-qouting Jamie Zawinski


Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use regular expressions." Now they have two problems.

--Jamie Zawinski, in comp.lang.emacs

— OMouse in

Some people, when confronted with regular expressions, always think "I know, I'll paste that Jamie Zawinski quote, and people will think I'm clever!"

These people have a problem.

— dmd in

Author dmd
Work Reddit Comment

Boxing on Freenode's #perl


BinGOs mst: doh.
BinGOs mst++ # thinking outside the box.
dwu mst++ # utterly destroying the box.
Daveman :D
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Boxing

DJB on Command Interfaces


I have discovered that there are two types of command interfaces in the world of computing: good interfaces and user interfaces.

Daniel J. Bernstein (DJB) in

Author Daniel J. Bernstein (DJB)
Work "The qmail security guarantee"

Slashdot: Xeno's Paradox


Xeno's paradox is easily disproved in three steps:

  1. Get crossbow and bolt.
  2. Aim crossbow at Xeno.
  3. Fire.

If the bolt moves to Xeno, then it is proved that movement is possible. Also, Xeno will be dead. Win win situation.

Work Slashdot Comment

Linus Torvalds: "The Patch Fell…"


I bow down before you.

I thought I had done some rather horrible things with gcc built-ins and macros, but I hereby hand over my crown to you.

As my daughter would say: that patch fell out of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down. Very impressive.

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Email

jerryleecooper on Windows


Are you saying that this linux can run on a computer without windows underneath it, at all ? As in, without a boot disk, without any drivers, and without any services ?

That sounds preposterous to me.

If it were true (and I doubt it), then companies would be selling computers without a windows. This clearly is not happening, so there must be some error in your calculations. I hope you realise that windows is more than just Office ? Its a whole system that runs the computer from start to finish, and that is a very difficult thing to acheive. A lot of people dont realise this.

Microsoft just spent $9 billion and many years to create Vista, so it does not sound reasonable that some new alternative could just snap into existence overnight like that. It would take billions of dollars and a massive effort to achieve. IBM tried, and spent a huge amount of money developing OS/2 but could never keep up with Windows. Apple tried to create their own system for years, but finally gave up recently and moved to Intel and Microsoft.

Its just not possible that a freeware like the Linux could be extended to the point where it runs the entire computer fron start to finish, without using some of the more critical parts of windows. Not possible.

I think you need to re-examine your assumptions.

Author jerryleecooper
Work Talkback on ZDNet

Slashdot: Keep Modding up this Joke


I mean really, after the first 6143569056076952107294386875907695350 times maybe it was worthy of a chuckle, but to keep on modding up this joke suggests some form of psychosis.

Wait, I'll put this in a way that you mods can understand:

  1. go to slashdot
  2. find a story
  3. find a comment on that story
  4. post a tired, old, lame-ass joke for the 9 billionth time
  5. ???????

Ok, I followed the silly meme, where's my +5 Funny?

Author Anonymous Coward
Work Slashdot Comment

Linux Genuine Advantage #1


Linux Genuine Advantage™ is an exciting and mandatory new way for you to place your computer under the remote control of an untrusted third party!

According to an independent study conducted by some scientists, many users of Linux are running non-Genuine versions of their operating system. This puts them at the disadvantage of having their computers work normally, without periodically phoning home unannounced to see if it's OK for their computer to continue functioning. These users are also missing out on the Advantage of paying ongoing licensing fees to ensure their computer keeps operating properly.

To remedy this, we have created a new program available as a required free download: Linux Genuine Advantage™!

Finally! Linux users can experience a feature that until now remained the exclusive domain of proprietary software.

Once you've installed Linux Genuine Advantage™, you'll want to register and send in your licensing fees to receive these important benefits:

  • Your computer, which worked just fine before, will continue functioning normally!
  • Our software which you just installed will not disable logins on your computer (as long as our license server keeps working properly)!
  • It's totally awesome! We might not raise the yearly licensing fees in the future!

Plus, if you act now, we promise not to launch unfounded lawsuits against you, slander you or our competitors in the press and the courts (possibly by using other smaller companies as pawns), or require you to pay us for software you won't use on every new computer you buy!

Work Linux Genuine Advantage

Linux Genuine Advantage #2


Get the Linux Genuine Advantage!

Did you wake up this morning and say "I wish someone would figure out a way to let me do less with my computer"? You've come to the right place!

Work Linux Genuine Advantage

Linux Genuine Advantage - News


08/25/2007 - The Windows Genuine Advantage servers went down worldwide, marking any Windows machines as pirated during Microsoft's server outage. Meanwhile, the Linux Genuine Advantage™ activation server was up the whole time. Truly another victory for Open Source software! Microsoft, contact us if you'd like to license Linux Genuine Advantage™, we'd love to enter into a lucrative licensing agreement. With the money you save, you could put the WGA programmers onto other tasks, like improving Vista!

02/03/2007 - The Linux Genuine Advantage™ crack is spreading! Someone uploaded it to The Pirate Bay! Looks like it's time to get more involved in Swedish politics from across the globe!

02/02/2007 - Linux Genuine Advantage™ has been cracked by computer hackers! Rather than improving our software, we'll be sending our team of intimidating lawyers to pay them a visit.

Work Linux Genuine Advantage

Larry Wall: Manipulexity and Whipuptitude


If you were a Unix programmer you either programmed in C or shell. And there really wasn't much in between. There were these little languages that we used on top of shell, but that was the big divide. The big revelation that hatched Perl, as it were, was that this opened up into a two-dimensional space. And C was good at something I like to call manipulexity, that is the manipulation of complex things. While shell was good at something else which I call whipuptitude, the aptitude for whipping things up.

So Perl was hatched. As a small egg. That was Perl 1. And it was designed from the very beginning to evolve. The fact that we put sigils in front of the variables meant that the namespaces were protected from new keywords. And that was intentional, so we could evolve the language fairly rapidly without impacting.

And it evolved… And it evolved… And finally we got to Perl 5. And… So… Perhaps the Perl 6 slogan should be "All Your Paradigms Are Belong To Us". We'll get to that.

Author Larry Wall
Work Present Continuous, Future Perfect

Larry Wall's "My Own Irrationationalities"


So I'd like to start off with my own irrationalities.

I don't think syntax should dangle in the wind. I'm with Aristotle. I think things should have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Which means I like K&R bracketing. I do not like the way that Python hangs stuff out there, with no end.

I think that ordinary people dislike abstraction. That's because I dislike abstraction and I think I'm ordinary. (laughter) I might be wrong about that, but I don't know.

I simultaneously believe that languages are wonderful and awful. You have to hold both of those. Ugly things can be beautiful. And beautiful can get ugly very fast. You know, take Lisp. You know, it's the most beautiful language in the world. At least up until Haskell came along. (laughter) But, you know, every program in Lisp is just ugly. I don't figure how that works.

I think visual metaphors are very important. How it looks. Different things should look different. Similar things should look similar. A language designer simultaneously has to care what other people think, and has to not care what other people think. Otherwise you go crazy. Well, crazier. (laughter)

And finally, I think God has free will. And therefore he created programmers with free will and that they ought to be given choices.

Author Larry Wall
Work Present Continuous, Future Perfect

Larry Wall's "Irrationalities of Other Languages"


Now, I'm not the only language designer with irrationalities. You can think of some languages to go with some of these things.

  • "We've got to start over from scratch" - Well, that's almost any academic language you find.
  • "English phrases" - Well that's Cobol. You know, cargo cult English. (laughter)
  • "Text processing doesn't matter much" - Fortran.
  • "Simple languages produce simple solutions" - C.
  • "If I wanted it fast, I'd write it in C" - That's almost a direct quote from the original awk page.
  • "I thought of a way to do it so it must be right" - That's obviously PHP. (laughter and applause)
  • "You can build anything with NAND gates" - Any language designed by an electrical engineer. (laughter)
  • "This is a very high level language, who cares about bits?" - The entire scope of fourth generation languages fell into this… problem.
  • "Users care about elegance" - A lot of languages from Europe tend to fall into this. You know, Eiffel.
  • "The specification is good enough" - Ada.
  • "Abstraction equals usability" - Scheme. Things like that.
  • "The common kernel should be as small as possible" - Forth.
  • "Let's make this easy for the computer" - Lisp. (laughter)
  • "Most programs are designed top-down" - Pascal. (laughter)
  • "Everything is a vector" - APL.
  • "Everything is an object" - Smalltalk and its children. (whispered:) Ruby. (laughter)
  • "Everything is a hypothesis" - Prolog. (laughter)
  • "Everything is a function" - Haskell. (laughter)
  • "Programmers should never have been given free will" - Obviously, Python. (laughter)

So my psychological conjecture is that normal people, if they perceive that a computer language is forcing them to learn theory, they won't like it. In other words, hide the fancy stuff. It can be there, just hide it.

Author Larry Wall
Work Present Continuous, Future Perfect

Larry Wall - Taking a Trip


Back to dimensionality. When you are saying something linguistically, it's like taking a trip. You know, when you take a trip from California to Netanya, you don't go straight south and then straight west and then straight north. It's not orthogonal. There are little bits at the beginning. Then you take bigger hops on the planes and then you take littler hops at the end. Language works the same way, it's fractal. There is little orthogonality. At least apparently; you can have orthogonal views of it, there are orthogonal subsets. But there are multiple orthogonal subsets. At first glance it just looks like a network, and you have to navigate the geography.

Author Larry Wall
Work Present Continuous, Future Perfect

Larry Wall - "Anthropology"


Now in terms of the anthropology we try to welcome people into the tribe. We allow people to have their own little fiefdoms, where they are the ruler and can beat up on their followers.

We try to let people share with each other. We try to capture knowledge. Both of those things are why we have the CPAN, Comprehensive Perl Archive Network, which is arguably one of the greatest repositories of reusable crappy software in the world. (laughter).

And we have a culture of cooperating with other cultures too. We try to make Parrot so that other languages can ran on top of that. We've always tried to hook up Perl with everything. In kind of a humble sort of way. And finally it's culture of fun. At least we try to make it that way. And that's why I give weird talks.

Author Larry Wall
Work Present Continuous, Future Perfect

Linus Torvalds: Hardware for Servers


So, everybody has a different idea. Everybody also has different hardware. The desktop is also where all the hardware really exists. Servers have 1% of the hardware that the desktop has in terms of different drivers and things like that. You don’t find webcams on servers generally. You don’t find oddball IDE drives on servers.

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Interview, Part II

Slashdot: High-Quality Microsoft Products


«had been responsible for the 'production and distribution of more than 90 percent of the high-quality counterfeit Microsoft software products.»

Why doesn't MSFT sell these "high-quality" products instead of the crap they've been selling us for years.

Author boguslinks
Work Slashdot Comment

Timezone'd on Freenode's #perl


x86 can someone tell me what this epoch translates to in %Y-%m-%d format? 1202256000
integral eval: POSIX::strftime("%Y-%m-%d", gmtime(1202256000))
buubot integral: 2008-02-06
x86 nice!
integral note that if you're not specifying timezone you're in for a world of hate
integral err, *pain
iank s/pain/butter/
iank I will dump butter on you unless you specify tz.
iank Also if you do specify tz.
iank Fuck it, I will dump butter on you, fullstop.
integral don't waste good butter on them, try margarine
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Timezone'd

CPAN is your Friend (or Enemy) on Frenode's #perl


x86 gah
x86 DateTime::Format::Strptime is not one of the core modules
iank boo hoo cpan it
apeiron "i (can't|don't want to) use external modules"
iank (If only we had some sort of comprehensive archive network.. for perl stuff.. complete with a convenient tool you could use to easily fetch, build, and install modules!)
iank apeiron: "oh, but you're a dumbass"
iank "carry on then"
simcop2387-lab iank! i know i'll call it Ruby on Rails!
integral well, it'd be different if CPAN and CPANPLUS really were convenient.
x86 POSIX::strptime is not a core module either
x86 this sucks
apeiron Send patches or shut up. :)
integral apt-get : cpan :: brilliant : annoying
iank this : pretentious and awkward :: 1 : 1
x86 iank: not so conveinent when you're writing software to be deployed on 100 servers and you dont want to have to install the same module 100 times
integral bundle it with your app.
iank x86: stop failing at sysadmining
iank Or that.
integral They're also pure-perl so this is very, very trivial.
integral We have PARs which are jsut like Java's JARs for even more deployability win
iank woohoo
mst and people have this retarded obsession with only using core
mst I mean, anybody who does perl for a living grows out of it pretty fucking fast
mst but there's always colossal whining the first time you tell someone to get something from CPAN
integral But due to my last point, PAR isn't as well known as it should be
mst x86: thanks for being today's example :)
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline CPAN is your Friend (or Enemy)

As long as you don't resort to violence on Freenode's #perl


mrmccrac- GumbyBRAIN: who is man bear pig?
GumbyBRAIN Man i need to get a modification of a fried pig and eating without my hands wouldn't be "too much bacon" for me; i don't know what @inc is?
iank mrmccrac-: he is half man, and half bearpig.
* shaldannon is half man, half asleep
iank Half ass leap?
iank What's a leap?
* shaldannon stabs iank
iank oof
* iank punches shaldannon
* shaldannon kicks iank in the groin
* iank passes out from the pain
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline As long as you don't resort to violence

chromatic: Choice of Syntax


If choice of syntax were the main factor of the maintainability of existing code, wouldn't the comment mantra be "Comment what you're doing, not why"?

You can look up syntax in the language's documentation.

Author chromatic
Work Choice of Syntax

Mark Jason Dominus - "More about How to Ask a Good Question"


I don't have many examples where the author really blew it, because I try not to answer those questions. I figure that even if I don't, someone else will come along and say ``Because you can't just make shit up and expect the computer to magically know what you mean, Retardo!''. And even if nobody does come along and say this, that's not a bad thing.

Author Mark Jason Dominus
Work "More about How to Ask a Good Question"

Light Bulb Joke


Q: How many hardware engineers does it take to replace a lightbulb?

A: None! We'll fix it in software.

Author Unknown Author
Work Lightbulb Jokes - Computers

Linux Kernel Module's Programmer Guide: Beginning Programmers


When the first caveman programmer chiseled the first program on the walls of the first cave computer, it was a program to paint the string `Hello, world' in Antelope pictures. Roman programming textbooks began with the `Salut, Mundi' program. I don't know what happens to people who break with this tradition, but I think it's safer not to find out. We'll start with a series of hello world programs that demonstrate the different aspects of the basics of writing a kernel module.

Author Ori Pomerantz
Work Linux Kernel Module's Programmer Guide

chromatic - "Program vs. Script" - #1


The difference between a program and a script isn't as subtle as most people think. A script is interpreted, and a program is compiled.

Of course, there's no reason you can't write a compiler that immediately executes the compiled form of a program without writing compilation artifacts to disk, but that's an implementation detail, and precision in technical matters is important.

Though Perl 5, for example, doesn't write out the artifacts of compilation to disk and Java and .Net do, Perl 5 is clearly an interpreter even though it evaluates the compiled form of code in the same way that the JVM and the CLR do. Why? Because it's a scripting language.

Okay, that's a facetious explanation.

The difference between a program and a script is if there's native compilation available in at least one widely-used implementation. Thus Java before the prevalence of even the HotSpot JVM and its JIT was a scripting language and now it's a programming language, except that you can write a C interpreter that doesn't have a JIT and C programs become scripts.

Author chromatic
Work "Program vs. Script"

chromatic - "Program vs. Script" - #2


Of course, if someone were to write an extra optimizer step for Perl 5 to evaluate certain parts of the optree and generate native code in memory on certain platforms without writing it out to disk (uh oh…) and then execute that code under certain conditions, all Perl 5 scripts would automatically turn into programs. You know, like .pmc files, or Python's .pyc files. Uh.

As well, if more people use Punie (Perl 1 on Parrot) this year than native Perl 1 -- a possibility -- then Perl 1 scripts automatically become Perl 1 programs because Punie can use Parrot's JIT. I don't know if this powerful upgrade from script to program is retroactive, but I see no reason why not.

Perl 5 scripts were briefly programs while Ponie was viable, but the removal of the code from the Parrot tree has now downgraded them back to scripts. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Author chromatic
Work "Program vs. Script"

chromatic - "Program vs. Script" - #3


To summarize, if you have a separate compilation step visible to developers, you have programs. If not, you have scripts. An exception is that if you have a separate, partial compilation step at runtime and not visible to users, then you may have programs. The presence of one implementation that performs additional compilationy thingies at runtime instantly upgrades all scripts to programs, while the presence of an interpreter for a language in which people normally write programs, not scripts, does not downgrade programs to scripts. Program-ness is sticky.

I hope this is now clear.

Ironically some JavaScript implementations have JITs, so the colloquial name of the language should change from JavaScript to JavaProgram.

Script bad, four-legs good.

Author chromatic
Work "Program vs. Script"

Stroustrup on Ease of Use


I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true - I no longer know how to use my telephone.

Author Bjarne Stroustrup
Work My Other New Computer (Replacement Model)

Moving Pianos


Moving pianos is dangerous.
Moving pianos are dangerous.

Author Language Log
Work "Nearly All Strings of Words are Ungrammatical"

"Real men don't"


> Someone here said "Real Men use LaTeX". So I'll add:
> * "Real men don't install Wine"
> * "Real men don't watch T.V."

Real men don't listen to sentences that start with "Real men don't".

Work Comment

"Let a Thousand Flowers Bloom"


I have to say I cringed a little when I read it, because it helps reinforce the idea that there's a sort of Perl Hierarchy, or that there are Perl Gods, or that "you must be this tall to ride".

Randal and I are just normal ol' Perl hackers. We just spend a lot of time on Perl, and writing about it, and talking about it. The only reason we are Perl luminaries is that we are Perl luminaries. I'm not necessarily a better programmer, or have better ideas, or I'm a better debugger than anyone else. I just do it and make noise about it.

Even though Joey's response was out of line, I admire his spirit of "I'm just going to go do it." TMTOWTDI is one of the cardinal rules of Perl. Similarly, over on the module-authors list, the perennial argument of "Maybe CPAN should have minimum requirements for posting modules" has raised its ugly head. Instead, I said what I always say during these arguments: "CPAN thrives BECAUSE of the unfettered uploading of shit, not in spite of it."

So to it will be with Joey's website. Maybe it will be a dismal failure. Maybe it will become the Next Great Perl resource. However, I know that there is zero chance of Next Great Perl resource if he doesn't try. The only way you get home runs is by stepping up to the plate, and if you strike out, you're doing pretty good. Batting 3/10 is a great batting average, but in real life we find those odds terrifying.

Personally, as much as I like the community around Perlmonks, I think it's a terrible site for new people, and is practically unsearchable. I'd love to see something leapfrog Perlmonks and become the Next Great Thing. That's why I stopped writing to, because I think it's a terrible news source. Instead, I started, and went with that. Yes, it's different, but that's OK.

Let a thousand flowers bloom!

Author Andy Lester
Work "Let a thousand flowers bloom"

What do you do with ideas?


jrockway "omg i have web 2.0 photoship skillz AND LOVE TEH GIT LETS MAKE A STARTUP!!!11!!"
awwaiid it drops my cool-concept impressedness of github like 100 points
jrockway that's the rails mentailty
jrockway "i have an idea, so i'm going to make a company"
jrockway compared to the perl version, "i have an idea, so I'm going to write a module"
awwaiid is that why we're all poor?
jrockway awwaiid: no, starting companies is not how you get rich :)
Channel #moose
Tagline What do you do with an idea?

Manipulating People Using Perl


Khisanth <insert obligatory disclaimer about parsing HTML with regex>
Botje Khisanth =~ s/disclaimer/death threat/
Khisanth I can live with that
Botje ooh, i got write access on Khisanth
Botje Khisanth =~ s/must sleep/must give Botje all my money/
Botje and now we play the waiting game … >:)
afallenhope Botje, write&
Botje yeah
* Khisanth gives all of Botje's money to himself
Botje Khisanth: that's not supposed to happen!
* Botje resets the universe
Khisanth buggy code
snegtul no such thing Khisanth! =)
snegtul the bugs are a lie!
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Manipulating People with Perl Mono Syllabic Review


Win95 - Wow!
Win98 - Oh
WinMe - Ow!
Win2k - Oooh
WinXp - Meh
Vista - Doh!

This mono-syllabic review brought to you by the letter 'W' and the number '7'

Author fretinator
Work I can't imagine saying "oh, wow!" about

Cats and Computer Trees


pkrumins Prim's algorithm, om nom nom
f00li5h cats don't like being trapped in trees, is handy to know how to traverse one quickly!
pkrumins true
pkrumins the more tree traversal algorithms a kit knows, the sneakier the kit is
* f00li5h visits every node, traveling on the minium weighted edges
pkrumins sneaky kit
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline Cats and Computer Trees

"Stumble on a Wiki Page"


Surely there's a better way, no?

Ask the maintainers of M::B, EU::MM and M::I to all export a `halt` function that does just this? That would also provide a convenient spot in the respective modules’ docs for related CPAN Testers arcana, so people wouldn’t have to stumble onto a wiki page in the bottom of a locked cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying “beware the leopard” in order to learn these trivia.

Author Aristotle Pagaltzis
Work Re: cpantesters - why exit(0)?

Samuel Beckett - Ever Tried


Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter.

Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

Author Samuel Beckett
Work Worstward Ho

Larry Wall on Ada Lovelace


Suppose you went back to Ada Lovelace and asked her the difference between a script and a program. She'd probably look at you funny, then say something like: Well, a script is what you give the actors, but a program is what you give the audience. That Ada was one sharp lady…

Author Larry Wall
Work "Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"

Larry Wall on BASIC


Now, however it was initially intended, I think BASIC turned out to be one of the first major scripting languages, especially the extended version that DEC put onto its minicomputers called BASIC/PLUS, which happily included recursive functions with arguments. I started out as a BASIC programmer. Some people would say that I'm permanently damaged. Some people are undoubtedly right.

But I'm not going to apologize for that. All language designers have their occasional idiosyncrasies. I'm just better at it than most. :-)

Anyway, when I was a RSTS programmer on a PDP-11, I certainly treated BASIC as a scripting language, at least in terms of rapid prototyping and process control. I'm sure it warped my brain forever. Perl's statement modifiers are straight out of BASIC/PLUS. It even had some cute sigils on the ends of its variables to distinguish string and integer from floating point.

But you could do extreme programming. In fact, I had a college buddy I did pair programming with. We took a compiler writing class together and studied all that fancy stuff from the dragon book. Then of course the professor announced we would be implementing our own language, called PL/0. After thinking about it a while, we announced that we were going to do our project in BASIC. The professor looked at us like were insane. Nobody else in the class was using BASIC. And you know what? Nobody else in the class finished their compiler either. We not only finished but added I/O extensions, and called it PL 0.5. That's rapid prototyping.

Author Larry Wall
Work "Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"

Larry Wall - JAM (no not that one)


My first scripting language was written in BASIC. For my job in the computer center I wrote a language that I called JAM, short for Jury-rigged All-purpose Meta-language. Story of my life…

JAM was an inside-out text-processing language much like PHP, except that HTML hadn't been invented yet. We mostly used it as a fancy macro processor for BASIC. Unlike PHP, it did not have 3,000 functions in one namespace. We wouldn't have had the memory, for one thing.

Author Larry Wall
Work "Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"

Larry Wall - LISP


For good or ill, when I went off to grad school, I studied linguistics, so the only computer language I used there was LISP. It was my own personal McCarthy era.

Is LISP a candidate for a scripting language? While you can certainly write things rapidly in it, I cannot in good conscience call LISP a scripting language. By policy, LISP has never really catered to mere mortals.

And, of course, mere mortals have never really forgiven LISP for not catering to them.

Author Larry Wall
Work "Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"

Larry Wall - Common Memes Floating Around


I think, to most people, scripting is a lot like obscenity. I can't define it, but I'll know it when I see it. Here are some common memes floating around:

Simple language
"Everything is a string"
Rapid prototyping
Glue language
Process control
Domain specific
"Batteries included"

…I don't see any real center here, at least in terms of technology. If I had to pick one metaphor, it'd be easy onramps. And a slow lane. Maybe even with some optional fast lanes.

Author Larry Wall
Work "Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"

chromatic - Perl's reliable state of the art


That's not helpful. When a project doesn't release a new version, some people say "Oh, don't use it! They don't release new versions!" When a project does release a new version, some people say "Oh, don't use it! It's not perfect yet!"

Meanwhile, the so-called reliable state of the art is a jumble of Perl which writes cross platform shell scripts to install Perl code, and you customize that by writing a superclass from which platform-specific modules inherit pseudo-methods which use regular expressions to search and replace cross-platform cross-shell code, with all of the cross-platform and cross-shell quoting issues that entails. I wish I were making any of this up. (I wrote tests for part of it.)

This is why we can't have nice things.

Author chromatic
Work "Re: Module::Build 0.30 is released"

"Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You" and more


Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country

-- John F. Kennedy (from his Inaugural Address).

The common good before the private good.

-- One of the slogans of Nazism in Nazi Germany.

Author Based on a page on an Objectivism Site
Work Glossary of Nazi Germany in the Wikipedia

What are You Trying to Achieve?


sQuEE eval: [qr/^(\d)(?{ "x{$1}" })$/]
buubot sQuEE: [qr/(?-xism:^(\d)(?{ "x{$1}" })$)/]
* mauke looks at sQuEE
sQuEE :$
fizztpok_ Man, I always feel like I'm getting the hang of Perl until I see nonsense like that.
mauke what are you trying to do?
sQuEE im trying to eval qr/$regex/ which contains ^(\d)(??{ "x{$1}" })$ , but $@ returns null
mauke no, what are you actually trying to do?
ik sQuEE: what is the point of doing the thing that you are doing?
sQuEE no, thats just a testing example
sQuEE im trying to assign $regex what i captured from a previous match using qr// , eval { $regex = qr/$2/ };
sQuEE im not sure what im doing wrong
mauke I'm not interested in what you're doing; what are you trying to achieve?
ik You're capturing a regex with a regex and attempting to use said regex?
ik I hope the data you're matching isn't input :(
PerlJam mauke: I'm trying to achieve world peace and this regex is the last thing standing in my way! ;)
Khisanth there will be no world peace!
* Khisanth stabs PerlJam
DrForr Can I at least have whirled peas?
* PerlJam fires up the whirly gig for DrForr and inserts some peas
* Khisanth dumps a bowl of whirled peas on DrForr's head
DrForr Mmm, whirled peas.
Channel #perl
Network Freenode
Tagline "What are you trying to achieve?"

What's the Difference Between JavaScript and Java?


What's the difference between JavaScript and Java?

One is essentially a toy, designed for writing small pieces of code, and traditionally used and abused by inexperienced programmers.

The other is a scripting language for web browsers.

Author Shog9
Work Question

"R is similar…"


R is similar to other programming languages, like C, Java and Perl, in that it helps people perform a wide variety of computing tasks by giving them access to various commands.

New York Times article about R, quoted in jest's journal -

Author jest
Work "Worst sentence ever written about programming in the MSM"

"A discussion is not a war"


tk: A discussion is not a war, to be won or lost. It is a communal quest for truth. And you are inhibiting it by responding at only the most superficial level. Look beyond the presence of a word to its context. Respond to the thoughts expressed there. Or simply leave.

Author slamb
Work "What does 'lose' mean?" (Comment on an Advogato Article)

"Someone is Wrong"


mst but jrockway will bitch about them all anyway
stevan rhesa: 100% of those with the last name "Rockway" will do that
rhesa hehehe
rjbs Subject: catalyst framework not compatible with PERL
jrockway stevan: i am going to name my kid "Someone is WRONG"
stevan jrockway: I think that will be implied, no need to actually name him that
perigrin Someone is WRONG rockway
perigrin has a nice ring to it
Penfold aka 'little Bobby wrong'?
rhesa would make a great children's book series: SiW in the zoo etc
stevan :D
stevan the first one in the series should be Someone is Wrong on the internet
jrockway rhesa: that is a great idea!
jrockway rhesa: i have a friend who is writing a children's book
jrockway i will tell her to change the title and content immediately!
jrockway someone is wrong in the children's book industry!
rjbs "No, zookeeper. That animal doesn't have a tail; it's *not* a monkey!"
Channel #moose
Tagline "Someone is Wrong"

Lightning Fast Objects


jrockway btw, feel free to LOL:
jrockway wow, such concise code
jrockway and i can FEEL THE SPEED from using arrays
rjbs bowl full of mush
rindolf jrockway: there was a discussion about using arrays as objects in module-authors.
jrockway i read it and laughed
jrockway (yeah, someone is wrong on the internet, but i don't really care)
rjbs I use JSON strings as my objects, and define my classes in terms of regexps that pull out the right attributes.
rjbs It makes the code portable to JavaScript, except the methods.
jrockway great plan!
jrockway regexps are fast in perl, because perl is designed for parsing text
rjbs tx, can I add "endorsed by jon rockway" to my precis?
jrockway oh yeah
jrockway i recommend you reverse the JSON first, though, to provide better encapsulation
jrockway otherwise people could read the objects… and that breaks encapsulation, dontchaknow
rjbs I use UTF-16 and rot4096.
jrockway UTF-16 IS TOO SLOW!
rindolf Heh.
jrockway i can't believe we are even having this conversation… utf-16…
jrockway i am never speaking to you again!
* rindolf wonders how one can combine JSON with inside-out objects.
rjbs jrockway: no, no, WITHOUT the bom
rjbs BOM is what makes it slow.
rjbs rindolf: sub id { my $self = shift; $json_parser_for{ $self }->decode($json_for{ $self })->{id} }
rindolf rjbs: LOL.
rindolf rjbs++
Dylan unicode: somebody set us up the BOM
ilmari BOM-de-ada
rindolf Where's the BOM? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering Ka-BOM!
rjbs I think Iran has it.
perigrin if it doesn't … Sen. McCain will introduce a bill to provide them with one
rjbs give the bom bom bom, bom to Iran
rjbs funnier if you pronounce Iran properly
perigrin iran … iran so far away …
rindolf iRack -
autarch someone set us up the BOM
jnapiorkowski I thought all our base waz ownzed or something like that
* confound is the king of BOM
rjbs who's the BOM king?
confound I'm the BOM king!
ubu "once i was the King of BOM"
rjbs hear me now
Channel #moose
Tagline Lightning Fast Objects

"pgTAP 0.20 Infiltrates Community"


I did all I could to stop it, but it just wasn't possible. pgTAP 0.20 has somehow made its way from my Subversion server and infiltrated the PostgreSQL community. Can nothing be done to stop this menace? Its use leads to cleaner, more stable, and more-safely refctored code. This insanity must be stopped! Please review the following list of its added vileness since 0.19 to determine how you can stop the terrible, terrible influence on your PostgreSQL unit-testing practices that is pgTAP: …

Don't make the same mistake I did, where I wrote a lot of pgTAP tests for a client, and now testing database upgrades from 8.2 to 8.3 is just too reliable! And by all means, DO NOT read the documentation or download and install this monstrosity, since it could easily lead to cleaner, more stable code, and therefore losing your job!


Good luck with your mission.

Author David E. Wheeler
Work pgTAP 0.20 Infiltrates Community

"I'm a Lesbian…"


I'm a Lesbian born in a man's body.

Author Unclear (origin needed)
Work Unknown

If you have the same ideas as everybody else…


If you have the same ideas as everybody else, but have them one week earlier than everyone else - then you will be hailed as a visionary. But if you have them five years earlier, you will be named a lunatic.

— Barry Jones

Author Barry Jones
Work Barry Jones Quotes

Great, mediocre and small minds


Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.

Unknown, quoted by Admiral Hyman G. Rickover

Author Hyman G. Rickover
Work Hyman G. Rickover Quotes

Tail for the lions…


Better be a tail for the lions, rather than the head of the jackals.

Rabbi Mathiah Ben Charash in Pirkei Avot 4, 15

Author Rabbi Mathiah Ben Charash
Work Pirkei Avot 4, 15

Learned a lot from my teachers


I learned a lot from my teachers, and from my friends more than my teachers, and from my pupils the most.

— Rabbi Hanina, the Talmud

Author Rabi Hanina, The Jewish Talmud
Work "Three Levels of Learnings" (from "Thoughts about the Best Introductory (Programming) Language")

Slashdot: Internet Explorer is Perfectly Safe


I must dispute your view in the strongest terms possible. Internet Explorer is perfectly safe for everyday use. However, as there is no such thing as perfect security, you must take additional precautions to keep evil hackers away from your data. Apply these rules according to the sensitivity of your data, from least important to most:

  • Disconnect your computer from your local network. Download files on another computer, scan them for viruses, print them out, scan them into your Windows PC using OCR software, and then view the pages in IE.
  • Do the above, but have a priest onsite to bless each page individually before scanning it. This is an excellent deterrent against viruses with the word "demon" in the name.
  • Do the above, but encase your PC in acrylic and immerse it in a 10,000 gallon tank of holy water. Interact with it while wearing scuba gear.
  • Do the above, but put a lid on the tank and immerse it in the ocean. Interact with your PC via a submersible robot in the tank from from outside while wearing scuba gear.

If you fail to follow these simple security guidelines, you can't blame Microsoft for the results.

Work "Re: Breaking News" Slashdot Comment

What is an encyclopedia?


Yesterday I asked one of my students if she knew what an encyclopedia is, and she said: "Is it something like Wikipedia?".

Author alisonclement
Work Twitter Twit

J. Hall in response to Dr. Judith Bauer


The move from a structuralist account in which capital is understood to structure social relations in relatively homologous ways to a view of hegemony in which power relations are subject to repetition, convergence, and rearticulation brought the question of temporality into the thinking of structure, and marked a shift from a form of Althusserian theory that takes structural totalities as theoretical objects to one in which the insights into the contingent possibility of structure inaugurate a renewed conception of hegemony as bound up with the contingent sites and strategies of the rearticulation of power.

By the eight brazen balls of Azuza the Bibulous Bandicoot, I'd rather be cast naked and chained into a lake of bubbling white hot fondue cheese than be one of her students.

That is, if she actually teaches anything at Berkeley [which can be, really, a lovely place full of very smart science people, theologians and historians, though you'd never know it by this whale's spout of academic doublespeak].

I suspect she sits on a lot of committees and inserts the word 'hegemony' into conversations as often as possible and is avoided at all costs during the holidays lest one become becalmed in the horse latitudes of her spleen regarding Christmas trees, "The Ref" and the hegemony of Zionist post-piety in a restructured universe of gender in-articulation.

For a full PhD at UCB in a language art, she cannot, and will not, though, write a simple, clear, understandable sentence. Think about that for a minute.

And to think my Cal state taxes pay for her office desk chair. Man.

Hegemoniously yours, etc.


Author J. Hall
Work Post to .

Valerie Aurora: Sleeping with the Enemy


Jonathan Schwartz’s resignation via Twitter reminded me of a strange facet of Sun company culture: I’ve never known so many married couples working for the same company. Some of them even worked on the same project together. For the same boss. From home.

Now, the exact percentage of married couples in a company can’t be used to compare companies directly – after all, it depends heavily on things like industry, age, and local marriage laws – but it seems linked to another facet of Sun company culture: Complete, almost embarrassing disconnect from public opinion.

The post-Google standard company perks – free food, on-site exercise classes, company shuttles – make it trivial to speak only to fellow employees in daily life. If you spend all day with your co-workers, socialize only with your co-workers, and then come home and eat dinner with – you guessed it – your co-worker, you might go several years without hearing the words, “Run Solaris on my desktop? Are you f—ing kidding me?

Schwartz’s “the financial crisis did it” explanation for Sun’s demise is a symptom of an inbred company culture in which employees at all levels voluntarily isolated themselves from the larger Silicon Valley culture. Tech journalists write incessantly about the exchange of expertise and best practice between companies as a major driver of the Bay area’s success. But you have to actually talk to your competition to do that – over a beer, or maybe a pillow.

Author Valerie Aurora
Work "Sleeping with the enemy"

All American Rejects - "Gives You Hell" Quote


And truth be told I miss you.

And truth be told I'm lying.

Author The All American Rejects
Work "Gives You Hell" Lyrics

Rob Pike's Answer to "One Tool for One Job"


One tool for one job?

Given the nature of current operating systems and applications, do you think the idea of "one tool doing one job well" has been abandoned? If so, do you think a return to this model would help bring some innovation back to software development?

(It's easier to toss a small, single-purpose app and start over than it is to toss a large, feature-laden app and start over.)

Rob Pike: Those days are dead and gone and the eulogy was delivered by Perl.

Author Rob Pike
Work Slashdot Interview

Larry Wall about Do One Thing and Do it Well


Or think about shell programming, and reductionism. How many times have we heard the mantra that a program should do one thing and do it well?

Well…Perl does one thing, and does it well. What it does well is to integrate all its features into one language. More importantly, it does this without making them all look like each other. Ducts shouldn't look like girders, and girders shouldn't look like ducts. Neither of those should look like water pipes, and it's really important that water pipes not look like sewer pipes. Or smell like sewer pipes. Modernism says that we should make all these things look the same (and preferably invisible). Postmodernism says it's okay for them to stick out, and to look different, because a duct ought to look like a duct, and a sewer pipe ought to look like a sewer pipe, and hammer ought to look like a hammer, and a telephone ought to look like either a telephone, or a Star Trek communicator. Things that are different should look different.

Author Larry Wall
Work "Perl, the first postmodern computer language"

Slashdot: Jokes on Slashdot


Which is why I didn't belabor it, or introduce it out of context. I was pointing out that Firefox's scheme is only as secure as the master password you choose. The particular bad password I chose for the Spaceballs reference on the hope that it might get a chuckle or trigger a brief moment of pleasant nostalgia, forgetting that on /., every joke must be beaten to death and explained, rehashed, insulted, re-explained by someone who thinks the insult came due to unfamiliarity, etc., until all traces of humor vanish. Oh well…

Hmm… This is an old story, so this probably won't receive any mods, but I have no idea what I'd mod it if I were moderating. Flamebait/Insightful/Funny/Interesting/Off-topic maybe? Mods, if you can coordinate to apply each of those once, it would be awesome (and I'd end up with overall neutral Karma!). :-)

Author ShadowRangerRIT
Work "Re: Prettier Tool, Old Exploit"

Larry Wall Quote


Doing linear scans over an associative array is like trying to club someone to death with a loaded Uzi.

Author Larry Wall
Work "Re: grep on keys of associative array s-l-o-w. Why?" (comp.lang.perl Usenet post)

What does "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." really mean?


I keep hearing and reading this nice proverb if it ain't broke, don't fix it. The latest apperance was in response to Shlomi Fish suggesting that some Ancient Perl code should be replaced by Modern Perl code.

I am not saying that every pices of code should be rewritten every 6 months, but in my understanding that sentence actually translates to let's wait till it breaks and then panic.

I think people who say that sentence are afraid that the new version will break something. Sure, there is always a chance that a change introduces an error, but, if we are afraid to touch the code, what will happen when later on we encounter a case where it does not work? For example, if we need to use it in a new environment. Will we have the courage to change the code then? How much will it cost in money, time, and lost sleep?

I think we have been trying to teach ourselves that we should have really good test coverage of our code and then we can easily refactor it and get rid of technical debt. So why do we keep hearing that sentence?

Author Gabor Szabo
Work What does "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." really mean?

Gabor Szabo on "I don't know Perl."


Often, when I ask the people I train if they know Perl, they tell me “I don't know Perl. I can only read it”. I wonder whether it indicates that Perl is not a write-only language as some people like to claim.

Author Gabor Szabo
Work Gabor Szabo (Perl programmer and trainer)

Slasdhot on Patents on Reality T.V.


(Discussing patents on storylines.)

Hopefully someone will patent reality TV shows. I am rather sick of those.

Wait no, this wont work. You need to have a story to be able to patent it. Soon all that will be on the air is reality TV. Noooo!

Author nitehawk214
Work USPTO Issues Provisional Storyline Patent

Vanguard about Real Programmers


Real programmers use a nice editor and a nice programming language and get it done in less than O(N!).

-- vanguard on Freenode's ##programming

Author vanguard
Work FreeNode's ##programming

Modern Fairy Tale about Short Stories


* Juliet|Awesome should publish her short stories
cmptrgeekken can #so get a discount, juju?
Juliet|Awesome only if you say nice things about them
cmptrgeekken "This book is teh s3x"
Juliet|Awesome I'm like one of those people who is so overly critical about her writing and has such an intense fear of failure that I never… ummmm…. get around to it
madsy Juliet|Awesome: Your title can be "Kawaii". Now get to it ;-)
Juliet|Awesome Once upon a time there was midwestern computer programmer who couldn't bring herself to write the warped and tortured stories spinning round and round her sordid imagination
jessicah and then a kiwi married her and made all things right in her world
jessicah ;)
Juliet|Awesome Then she did, and it was awesome, for she was awesome. She absolutely radiated with awesomeness, so much so it gave all the kids at the nearby elementary school a rare form of leukemia and radiation sickness
Channel #stackoverflow
Network Freenode
Tagline The Awesome princess, rescued by the awesome prince on his awesome white horse

Gandhi - “An Eye for an Eye…“


An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.

Author Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (Attributed)
Work Mohandas Gandhi's Quotes

Spaceballs - Druish Princess


Princess Vespa: I am Princess Vespa, daughter of Roland, King of the Druids.

Lone Starr: Oh great. That's all we needed. A Druish princess.

Barf: Funny, she doesn't look Druish.

Author Mel Brooks
Work Spaceballs Greg at the Veterans Club


[ Greg the tech support guy is sitting in a Veterans club along with a veteran. ]

Veteran: Tech support? What the hell kind of wussy veteran experience is that?!

Greg: Look, pal, you try to deal rationally with a horde of puerile, clueless, I-make-more-money-than-you-so-fix-this-now dorks on a daily basis and then tell me who should get a medal.

[ Pause. ]

Veteran: I…I'm sorry. I didn't know...

Greg: Buddy, you have just no idea what real pain is about.

Author Illiad
Work UserFriendly Comic Strip for 10 October, 2001

“Yo Dawg,”


Lubaf “yo dawg, we heard you like recursion, so we put a yo dawg, we heard you like recursion, so we put a yo dawg, we heard you like recursion…”
rindolf Lubaf: :-)
Lubaf Further variation: “yo dawg, we heard you don’t like fractals.”
Channel #wikipedia
Network Freenode
Tagline Yo Dawg

There was one Napoleon…


There was one Napoleon, one George Washington, and one me!

Author Jim Cash and Joe Epps Jr.
Work Dick Tracy (1990 film)

“If at first…”


If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Author Unknown
Work Unknown

Daniel Browning about Correct Spelling and Grammar


In this doggy-dog world, does grammer; spelling; “or correct” quotation usage really matter anymore? I beleive not. Case and point: mitsakes is literally a diamond dozen, but they TOTALLY don’t make me want to claw my eyes out with a dull spoon. Irregardless, it begs the question: is it a mute point? For all intensive purposes, if bad enlgish would of been the downfall of society, then we’d of seen it bye now. some say teh worst problem is loosing capitalization punctuation is also an issue i think some thoughts need to be seperated or maybe its the run on sentences? Does it try your patients when I’LOL OMG Y U BFF said IDK BRB?!! OIC, the BBQ is W/E GF IKR!! 1 How bad does it get before i.e. its something up with which you will not put?

Author Daniel Browning
Work Post to the Portland Perl Mongers Mailing List

“A UDP packet walks into a bar”


A UDP packet walks into a bar, no one acknowledges him.

A TCP packet walks into a bar twice because no one acknowledged him the first time.

An ICMP packet walks into a bar, says “Hello!” to the bartender, who then in turn runs out to tell the ICMP packet’s wife.

A BGP peer walks into a bar, exchanges contact details with every one, then leaves and… yeah I’ve probably gone over my quota for terrible jokes today.

Author Omega-00
Work You Down with UDP?

UDP Joke


The best thing about a UDP joke is that I don’t care if you get it or not.

Author Brandon
Work You Down with UDP?

Steven Rostedt about comments and code


Golden rule #12: When the comments do not match the code, they probably are both wrong ;)

Author Steven Rostedt
Work Post to the Linux kernel mailing list


Way too boring, what you really want is for every package to have its own twitter account so you can tweet karma :-).

You might be on to something here! But the 140 char limit would really stifle my creativity when it comes to comments. I'd rather create facebook pages for every package - that way we could add karma by “liking” a package.

We could even take it a step farther and use this for marketing. Just imagine - “Play farmville with glibc next wednesday and learn about the great new features!”, “gdb has shared a picture with you”, “NetworkManager wants to be your friend”. Oh the possibilities …

Then again, the thought of getting an email saying “Anaconda is now following you on Twitter” also amuses me.

Author Tim Flink
Work Re: Fedora QA and Google Summer of Code 2012

Children warned name of first pet should contain 8 characters and a digit


Popular pet names Rover, Cheryl and Kate could be a thing of the past. Banks are now advising parents to think carefully before naming their child’s first pet. For security reasons, the chosen name should have at least eight characters, a capital letter and a digit. It should not be the same as the name of any previous pet, and must never be written down, especially on a collar as that is the first place anyone would look. Ideally, children should consider changing the name of their pet every 12 weeks.

Expectant mothers have also been advised to choose carefully where they give birth. Anywhere that has a place name is best avoided. These are listed on maps, which are freely available on the Internet.

It’s a good idea too, security experts have warned, for children not to get friendly with certain teachers. For instance, Miss Smith may be enriching your son’s education but he should try and see if he can’t make a favourite of Father O’Grinnighan-Scythe II, even though it may mean a lot of staying late.

We tried to call Barclays’ security expert R0b Ste!nway for a comment, but he was not available for 24 hours, having answered his phone incorrectly three times in succession.

Author Boutros
Work NewsBiscuit Post

Why Debian May Have an Older Version of a Package


There are a ton of reasons why Debian may have an older version of an upstream release. For example, and I hasten to point out that the following list is by no means exhaustive, and not all of the possibilities are common:

  • The Debian package maintainer is dead, but nobody noticed it yet, and nobody has wanted an update badly enough to do an NMU or to adopt the package.
  • The upstream release is actually a fake. It's a trojan, which was put there by the NSA in order to infiltrate the CIA mainframe. The Debian package maintainer noticed this and uploaded that version of the package to non-free instead of main, since the trojan code does not come with proper source.
  • Upstream has moved the RSS feed for new releases without notifying the old feed of the move, so the Debian package maintainer missed that, and doesn't actually know about the new release. Due to a complicated series of happenstance involving rainbows, midget unicorns, and the ongoing rewrite of the Netsurf web browser, the Debian package maintainer is not able to find the new feed because it would require doing a web search and their browser doesn't have working form support now. No other browser is available on the Amiga they're using as their only computer, either.
  • The new release is requested by insistent Hurd porters, and the Debian package maintainer absolutely loathes the Hurd, and will refuse to upload any packages that work on the Hurd.
  • The Debian package maintainer suffers from mental problems cause by reading debian-devel too much, and now has a nervous breakdown every time they recognize a name as someone whom they've seen on the list.
  • The Debian development process is being sabotaged by Microsoft sending people to the developers' houses pretending to be TV license checkers or Jehova's witnesses every time they detect, using the hardware wireless keylogger embedded in every PC, that the developer is trying to run any Debian packaging command.
  • Apple is also sabotaging Debian by paying me to write snarky e-mails on Debian mailing lists to distract everyone from working on the actual release, so that we can get past the freeze and start uploading things again without having to worry that it breaks things in ways that makes the freeze longer.
Author Lars Wirzenius
Work Post to debian-devel

Writing for the World


Some European users bugged me into adding an option to limit the number of messages retrieved per session (so they can control costs from their expensive phone networks). I resisted this for a long time, and I'm still not entirely happy about it. But if you're writing for the world, you have to listen to your customers—this doesn't change just because they're not paying you in money.

Author Eric Raymond
Work The Cathedral and the Bazaar

Excerpt from “Best Thing I Never Had”


Thank God I found the good in goodbye!

Author Beyoncé
Work “Best Thing I Never Had”

Eleanor Roosevelt Quote


Do one thing every day that scares you.

Author Eleanor Roosevelt
Work Quote

Larry Wall: “All Truth is God’s Truth”


I have a book on my bookshelf that I’ve never read, but that has a great title. It says, “All Truth is God’s Truth.” And I believe that. The most viable belief systems are those that can reach out and incorporate new ideas, new memes, new metaphors, new interfaces, new extensions, new ways of doing things. My goal this year is to try to get Perl to reach out and cooperate with Java. I know it may be difficult for some of you to swallow, but Java is not the enemy. Nor is Lisp, or Python, or Tcl. That is not to say that these languages don't have good and bad points. I am not a cultural relativist. Nor am I a linguistic relativist. In case you hadn't noticed. :-)

Author Larry Wall
Work Larry Wall’s “Perl Culture” Keynote

The CIA vs. The KGB vs. The Shin Bet


A contest is being held to see which intelligence agency can find a rabbit in a forest as quickly as possible.

First, it's the CIA's turn. Using cutting edge satellite technology, deep electronic scans, and other high-tech equipment, it is able to locate the rabbit in a week.

Then, it's the KGB's turn. They install secret agents, bribe or threaten a few animals, and find the rabbit in two weeks.

Then it's the Shin Bet’s turn (the Shin Bet being the Israeli internal security agency). A week passes, and then two, and then three.

After two months, the camera zooms into the forest to see a bear tied to a tree with a Shin Bet agent slapping him saying “Admit you’re a rabbit! Admit you’re a rabbit! Admit it already, goddamnit!”

Author Israeli Joke
Work Google Plus Post

An Engineer in Hell


An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer. You are in the wrong place.”

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”

Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

God replies, “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake. He should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”

Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”

God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?”

Author Unknown
Work Joke

Joke: The Believer Rabbi


There was a Rabbi living in Louisiana - he was great in the Torah, very friendly, extremely helpful and righteous - helps the poor, finds jobs for people, resolves feuds - everybody liked him. And he lived in a remote shack on the Louisiana coast, right before Hurricane Katrina came.

So two people arrived there in a Jeep and told the Rabbi: “Rabbi, there will be a flood, come with us so you’ll be saved.” and the Rabbi said: “No, that’s OK - God will save me.”.

And indeed it started to rain, and there was a lot of water, and so a boat arrived at the Rabbi’s house and the people there told the Rabbi: “Rabbi, there’s a flood, come with us and you’ll be saved.” and the Rabbi told them: “No, that’s OK - God will save me.” and he remained there.

And it continued to rain, and the water level went up and the Rabbi had to climb to the roof of his shack. A helicopter arrived at his shack, and the people inside told the Rabbi: “Rabbi, there’s a big flood. Come with us to safety.”, and the Rabbi said: “No, that’s OK - God will save me.”. And the Helicopter left.

The water levels rose even more, and the Rabbi drowned, and his soul went to heaven. There he confronted God and asked him: “Dear God all mighty, I have been a righteous and good man my whole life - why didn't you save me?”, and God replied “Well, I tried. I sent you a Jeep, a boat - even a helicopter - but you wouldn't accept any of them. What more could I have done?”


Moral of the story is: God helps them that help God help them.

Author Unknown
Work Joke

Joke: How did the Engineering Student Get His Bicycle


Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, and said: “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

Author Unknown
Work Jokes: Comprehending Engineers

Larry Wall - The Ada Programming Language


Once I got into industry, I wrote a compiler in Pascal for a discrete event simulator, and slavered over the forthcoming Ada specs. As a linguist, I don't think of Ada as a big language. Now, English and Japanese, those are big languages. Ada is just a medium-sized language.

Author Larry Wall
Work "Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"

Excerpt from “Bad Grammar” by James at War


I’m worser at superlatives.
And I don’t ever use no double negatives.

Author James at War
Work “Bad Grammar”

Excerpt from Wyrd Sisters by Terry Pratchett


It was a good storm. There was quite effective projection and passion there, and critics agreed that if it would only learn to control its thunder it would be, in years to come, a storm to watch.

Author Terry Pratchett
Work Wyrd Sisters

Excerpt from Harvey Danger’s “Wine, Women, and Song”


I figured wrong (with a capital R).

Author Harvey Danger
Work “Wine, Women, and Song”

Joke: Praying at the Western Wall


In Jerusalem, an American female journalist heard about an old Rabbi who visited the Kotel, the Western Wall to pray twice a day every day for over five decades.

In an effort to check out the story, she goes to the holy site and there he is. She watches the old man at prayer and after about 45 minutes, when he turns to leave, she approaches him for an interview. “I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN, sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying?”

“For about 50 years,” he informs her. “That’s amazing! What do you pray for?” “I pray for peace between the Jews and Arabs. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all of our children to grow up in safety and friendship.”

“And how do you feel, sir, after doing this for 50 years?”

“Like I’m talking to a brick wall!”

Author Unknown
Work Joke

Lawrence Lessig: Rewarding the Critics


I find it insanely difficult to read these comments [to my blog posts]. Not because they’re bad or mistaken, but mainly because I have very thin skin. There’s a direct correlation between what I read and pain in my gut. Even unfair and mistaken criticism cuts me in ways that are just silly. If I read a bad comment before bed, I don’t sleep. If I trip upon one when I’m trying to write, I can be distracted for hours. I fantasize about creating an alter ego who responds on my behalf. But I don’t have the courage for even that deception. So instead, my weakness manifests itself through the practice (extraordinarily unfair to the comment writer) of sometimes not reading what others have said.

So then why do I blog all? Well, much of the time, I have no idea why I do it. But when I do, it has something to do with an ethic I believe that we all should live by. I first learned it from a judge I clerked for, Judge Richard Posner. Posner is without a doubt the most significant legal academic and federal judge of our time, and perhaps of the last hundred years. He was also the perfect judge to clerk for. Unlike the vast majority of appeals court judges, Posner writes his own opinions. The job of the clerk was simply to argue. He would give us a draft opinion, and we’d write a long memo in critique. He’d use that to redraft the opinion.

I gave Posner comments on much more than his opinions. In particular, soon after I began teaching he sent me a draft of a book, which would eventually become Sex and Reason. Much of the book was brilliant. But there was one part I thought ridiculous. And in a series of faxes (I was teaching in Budapest, and this was long before e-mail was generally available), I sent him increasingly outrageous comments, arguing about this section of the book.

The morning after I sent one such missive, I reread it, and was shocked by its abusive tone. I wrote a sheepish follow-up, apologizing, and saying that of course, I had endless respect for Posner, blah, blah, and blah. All that was true. So too was it true that I thought my comments were unfair. But Posner responded not by accepting my apology, but by scolding me. And not by scolding me for my abusive fax, but for my apology. “I’m surrounded by sycophants,” he wrote. “The last thing in the world I need is you to filter your comments by reference to my feelings.”

I was astonished by the rebuke. But from that moment on, I divided the world into those who would follow (or even recommend) Posner’s practice, and those who wouldn’t. And however attractive the anti-Posner pose was, I wanted to believe I could follow his ethic: Never allow, or encourage, the sycophants. Reward the critics. Not because I’d ever become a judge, or a public figure as important as Posner. But because in following his example, I would avoid the worst effects of the protected life (as a tenured professor) that I would lead.

Author Lawrence Lessig
Work Remix: Making Art and Commerce Thrive in the Hybrid Economy

Gabor Szabo: Yak Shaving


I was lucky as Ricardo SIGNES was also awake who explained that actually he has stopped using Module::Starter as he is writing Dist::Zilla that provides much better project management capabilities. I pointed him at my blog entry and after reading it he asked me if I know the expression yak shaving. I've heard it, actually I even read about it in in The Productive Programmer I mentioned earlier in The Quest for the Perfect Editor but I did not really understand it.

Actually, I think I understood it back when I read the book but promptly forgotten it as I did not have any way to connect the expression to the actions or lack of actions.

I was so lucky to find Ricardo there, as he explained:

  • I need to fix this bug, but first I better eat something so I don’t get tired.
  • So I'm going to have some cereal, but I'm out of milk.
  • So I'll go get some milk. But I heard that yak milk is the best, so I'll go out to Nepal to find a yak.
  • But they're all so hairy, I can't get to their udders.
  • So, first I'll just shave the yak.

This is just the way you have to teach. Now I can remember it much more easily.

Author Gabor Szabo
Work “Yak Shaving” Blog Post

“If a tree falls down in the middle of the forest…”


If a tree falls down in the middle of the forest, and there’s no one there to hear it… what colour is the tree?

Author Ron Gilbert
Work Monkey Island 2: LeChuck’s Revenge

Tim Berners-Lee, the World Wide Web, and the Dexter Model


Tim Berners-Lee's abandonment of the Dexter Model for hypertext a hypertext model where all links must be resolvable at all times was (IMHO) the single biggest factor in creating a successful World Wide Web.

Before the Web, hypertext systems were assumed to have all links resolvable at all times. This was not a robust design. Now, you would think this would be more robust than the Web but it fails even for single-file hypertext systems. Early in my career, I realized that computer systems were not 100% reliable, so if wanted to create software that failed safe (or at least failed soft), you had to account for errors at every step of the way. A single-file hypertext system can still fail if access to the single file is disturbed. Across the Internet, where all computers on the Internet have not been all up at the same time since the late 1970's (and possibly not even then), you cannot build a Dexter Model hypertext system because not all of your links can be resolved all of the time.

Microsoft's Help system has become much more usable since they went to a Web (i.e. HTML) based-system. At the risk of being redundant, even if you have a lint program to verify all hypertext links and destinations, file access errors will derail your hypertext system when you use a all-resolvable-all-the-time design (and I don't know if Microsoft had such a lint tool).

It boils down to handling failures with at least a small amount of grace. Unix/Linux systems handle errors much better than Microsoft Windows 1.0-3.x systems because processes can handle out-of-bounds memory errors better (Windows NT and its descendants fall in-between Unix/Linux and 16-bit Windows). I once wrote a Perl 4-based server that would run for months at a time because it could either recover gracefully from an error or stop gracefully upon an error. The Web runs as well as it does because the software systems handle link errors with a small amount of grace, rather than just throwing up their hands or dying horribly. Thank Tim Berners-Lee and his fellow designers for the reliability of the Web we have today.

Author Mark Leighton Fisher
Work “Tim Berners-Lee, the World Wide Web, and the Dexter Model” blog post

Peter Ustinov about Comedy


Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Author Peter Ustinov
Work Peter Ustinov Quotes

Peter Ustinov about Botticelli


If Botticelli were alive today, he’d be working for Vogue.

Author Peter Ustinov
Work Peter Ustinov Quotes

Peter Ustinov about Beliefs


Beliefs are what divide people. Doubt unites them.

Author Peter Ustinov
Work Peter Ustinov Quotes

Avicii - “Wake me up” Lyrics


Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can't tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start

They tell me I'm too young to understand
They say I'm caught up in a dream
Life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes
Well that's fine by me

So wake me up when it's all over
When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn't know I was lost

I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
I hope I get the chance to travel the world
But I don't have any plans

Wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life's a game made for everyone
And love is the prize

Author Avicii
Work “Wake Me Up”

“What have the Romans ever done for us?”


Reg: All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?

Attendee: Brought peace?

Reg: Oh, peace - shut up!

Author Monty Python
Work Life of Brian (1979)

Shakespears Sister - “Hello (Turn Your Radio On)” Excerpt


Life is a strange thing. Just when you think you learned how to use it, it’s gone.

Author Shakespears Sister
Work “Hello (Turn Your Radio On)”

The Mighty Boosh: The Ape of Death Scene


Ape of Death: Shut up! Now you shall burn! You and your wife with the ridiculous hair.

Vince Noir: Ridiculous hair? Have you seen yours? It’s like split-ends-central!

Ape of Death: Shut up!

Vince Noir: Well look at it - it’s an Urban Fuzz.

Ape of Death: Shut your gub!

Vince Noir: You look ridiculous - it's like a ginger ball bag.

Ape of Death: Shut up I say! [ Rises up. ]

Ape of Death: I’ve always had problems with my hair. Even as a child. It’s not curly, it’s not straight. It’s somewhere in between. If I wash it, it becomes too dry, if I lead [ ? ] it, it become too greasy.

Ape of Death: I can't do a thing with it.

Vince Noir: Listen, there are hair products - straightners, finishing gel.

Ape of Death: Finishing gel? What is finishing gel?

Vince Noir: Where have you been. I could sort your hair out in six minutes.

Ape of Death: Why didn’t you tell me about this? Davy? Nemo?

[ The two Mandrill guards lower their gazes ]

Ape of Death: You can do this for me?

[ Message on the screen - “Six Minutes Later” ]

Ape of Death: This is sheer liquid wonderment. For this smashing gift, I shall set you both free. Thank you.

Vince Noir: Don’t thank me, thank Naboo’s Miracle Wax.

Ape of Death: Look at me. I’m so confident, and feel strong and super-sexy.

Ape of Death: Hit it!

Author The Mighty Boosh
Work The Mighty Boosh - “The Ape of Death” Scene

Big O


Shammah anytime I see people talk about "Big O" as if it's some magic voodoo I cringe hard
Shammah > I have worked +7 years as a programmer and still don't know what Big O is
Shammah > Big O is very important and is one of the most important things you should learn!
Shammah bro, you can learn it in 10 minutes
Shammah it's not a big deal
Shammah > In particular, "Big O" (and its related data structures and algorithms concepts) is a key concept to making programs go fast.
Shammah shit like that
Shammah rustle smy jimmies so hard
Shammah my poor jimmies
k-hos non stop jimmies vibration
_bryan the cloud is more annoying
_bryan aka the internet renamed
Shammah A series of tubes 3.0
_bryan my old company launched a cloud marketing campaign on the clous
_bryan not a single customer of mine knew or cared
Shammah In particular, "Big O" (and its related data structures and algorithms concepts) is a key concept to making programs go fast.
Shammah the fuck did i just read
altered written by this guy
Shammah D:
k-hos sanic the hodgepodge!
Jonas__ Shammah, you don't use big o magic?
Jonas__ I use the big-o lib for everything
Shammah uh
Shammah I just use std::bigO();
Jonas__ that's not even fast
Shammah :|
Jonas__ boost::bigO<T>() is like the least you should even consider
Jonas__ it's boosted so it's faster
Shammah sounds legit
Channel ##reddit-gamedev
Network Freenode
Tagline Big O No

Santayana’s Definition of a Fanatic


A fanatic: one who redoubles his efforts after he has forgotten his aim.

Author George Santayana
Work ESR: “Evaluating the harm from closed source”

Compiling a C program from 20 years ago


As it turns out, compiling a C program [= Vim] from more than 20 years ago is actually a lot easier than getting a Rails app from last year to work.

Author Pascal Hartig
Work “Building Vim from 1993 today”

D&D Stats Explained with Tomatoes


  • Strength is being able to crush a tomato.
  • Dexterity is being able to dodge a tomato.
  • Constitution is being able to eat a bad tomato.
  • Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
  • Wisdom is knowing not to put a tomato in a fruit salad.
  • Charisma is being able to sell a tomato based fruit salad.
Author tan620
Work D&D Reddit “D&D Stats Explained With Tomatoes”

Some people were allocating memory…


Some people were allocating memory before it was cool. These people are called heapsters.

Author Unknown
Work via ZadYree

A Positive Attitude


A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Author Herm Albright
Work “Herm Albright’s ‘Positive Attitude’”

Joke: Thinking Big


A banker, who always advised his son to think big, came home one day to find the boy in the yard with the family dog and a sign, “Dog for Sale, $38,000.” The father smiled and went into the house.

The next day, the sign–and the dog–had vanished. The banker asked his son, “You didn’t get $38,000 for the dog, did you?”

“No,” the boy replied, “but I traded him for two $19,000 cats.”

Author Herm Albright
Work “Herm Albright’s ‘Positive Attitude’”

A Productive Day


One of my most productive days was throwing away 1,000 lines of code.

Author Ken Thompson (Attributed)
Work Ken Thompson Quote

“Ice Ice Baby” Excerpt


Anything less than the best is a felony.

Author Vanilla Ice
Work “Ice Ice Baby” Song

Learning How to Drum at Age 65


When I was 18, I had been drumming for about 10 years. (They say that if you want to be a good drummer, you better have started by your teenage years, or you'll never make it.)

I got a call from my neighbor. He was about 65 years old.

"Jason," he said, "I made a promise to myself when I turned 60 that I was going to do 3 things. Lose 60 pounds. Stop smoking. And learn to play a musical instrument. So far, I've done 2 of those things."

"Which two?" I asked.

"I hear you're a pretty good drummer. Would you like to teach me how to drum?"

(I didn't know what to say. You can't learn drums when you're SIXTY-FIVE! What do I tell him? Well, maybe it'd be best to let him try it, then he can move on to guitar or piano or something if he doesn't like it.)

I've never seen anyone that age take a hobby as seriously as this guy took drumming. A year later, he was pretty proficient, and I cried a little when, after I left for college, I saw a video of him playing live on stage at a concert back home.

I learned way more from him than he did from me. I figure now that I should have been the one paying him for the lesson.

You ain't dead until you decide you're dead.

Author Jason Riggs
Work Reply to “What do you think about starting new activities at the age of 36 like music or exercising?” on

Linus Torvalds: Indirections


Trust me: every problem in computer science may be solved by an indirection, but those indirections are expensive. Pointer chasing is just about the most expensive thing you can do on modern CPUs.

Author Linus Torvalds
Work Post to the Linux Kernel Mailing List

Backcompat is holding us back!


“Let’s free ourselves from the shackles and do something bold!”

I always cringe when I hear this battle cry. Isn’t that sentiment exactly what set the trajectory for the Perl 6 effort? Maybe it’s just been so long that people have forgotten.

But that is precisely how Perl 6 became such an amazingly long trek: once you remove the constraint of staying compatible, everything is suddenly, potentially, up for reconsideration. Then when you start changing things, you discover that changes in one part of the language also affect several other, remote parts of the language. So it starts with the simple desire to fix a handful of obvious problems in obvious ways… and spirals out as you make changes, and further still as you make changes in response to your changes, ever further and further.

At that point, it is exceedingly likely that the project will fizzle out before it ever comes to any fruition. But even if you have the perseverance, you face an uphill battle: unless your project has the community’s implicit blessing as the successor (as Perl 6 does, due to Larry’s presence), it is likely to simply slip into oblivion… the way Kurila did.

So yes: backcompat is holding us back… the same way that gravity is. It keeps us from floating away untethered.

Note that I’m not saying it doesn’t really hold us back. I’d love to travel to space easily, too! I still await Perl 6, as well.

But what I think, every time someone proposes to throw off the shackles of backcompat and go for it, is that we already have one Perl 6 – we don’t need another.

Author Aristotle (the Perl enthusiast)
Work “Backcompat is holding us back!”

“You gotta go out there…”


The Wise Janitor: You gotta go out there, believe in the ball, and throw yourself.

Author Various Writers
Work Not Another Teen Movie



Reportedly, SANE (= “Scannar Access Now Easy”) was called that way in part so one can say “TWAIN is not SANE!”.

Author Via an Israeli FOSS Enthusiast.
Work Unknown

Open Source Software


Open source software: each person contributes a brick, but ultimately each person receives a house in return.

Author Brendan Scott (Attributed)
Work Unknown

“I didn’t stop pretending…”


I didn’t stop pretending when I became an adult, it’s just that when I was a kid I was pretending that I fit into the rules and structures of this world. And now that I’m an adult, I pretend that those rules and structures exist.

Author Ze Frank
Work Unknown

New Diet


Hi! I’m Tony Horne, creator of P90X, and I got a brand new program for overweight pop-stars to go from bass to treble in just 90 seconds. It’s called Treble 90X.

Author Bart Baker
Work Meghan Trainor - “All About That Bass” PARODY

Your Momma Might Have Told You…


Well, your momma might have told you “Don’t worry about your size” but in this cut-throat industry… well, your momma doesn’t know shit.

Author Bart Baker
Work Meghan Trainor - “All About That Bass” PARODY

The kind of movie where…


It's the kind of movie where you would expect The Rock to slide on skateboard, along moving chopper rotors, to pick up a girl that is dodging a lion on a flag pole at the 200th floor of a building that is currently collapsing.

Author xeno
Work Chat on Freenode’s ##programming

Two Things I Hate


There's only two things I hate in this world: people who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch.

Author Mike Myers, and Michael McCullers
Work Austin Powers in Goldmember

The Greatest threat to Authors and Creative Artists


The greatest threat to authors and creative artists is not piracy — it’s obscurity.

Author Tim O’Reilly
Work “Piracy is progressive taxation.”

“Tech needs less…”


Tech needs less wizards, ninjas, and rockstars, and way more sociologists.

Author Noah Slater
Work Tweet

PSD is not my favourite file format.


At this point, I'd like to take a moment to speak to you about the Adobe PSD format. PSD is not a good format. PSD is not even a bad format. Calling it such would be an insult to other bad formats, such as PCX or JPEG. No, PSD is an abysmal format. Having worked on this code for several weeks now, my hate for PSD has grown to a raging fire that burns with the fierce passion of a million suns.

If there are two different ways of doing something, PSD will do both, in different places. It will then make up three more ways no sane human would think of, and do those too. PSD makes inconsistency an art form. Why, for instance, did it suddenly decide that *these* particular chunks should be aligned to four bytes, and that this alignement should *not* be included in the size? Other chunks in other places are either unaligned, or aligned with the alignment included in the size. Here, though, it is not included. Either one of these three behaviours would be fine. A sane format would pick one. PSD, of course, uses all three, and more.

Trying to get data out of a PSD file is like trying to find something in the attic of your eccentric old uncle who died in a freak freshwater shark attack on his 58th birthday. That last detail may not be important for the purposes of the simile, but at this point I am spending a lot of time imagining amusing fates for the people responsible for this Rube Goldberg of a file format.

Earlier, I tried to get a hold of the latest specs for the PSD file format. To do this, I had to apply to them for permission to apply to them to have them consider sending me this sacred tome. This would have involved faxing them a copy of some document or other, probably signed in blood. I can only imagine that they make this process so difficult because they are intensely ashamed of having created this abomination. I was naturally not gullible enough to go through with this procedure, but if I had done so, I would have printed out every single page of the spec, and set them all on fire. Were it within my power, I would gather every single copy of those specs, and launch them on a spaceship directly into the sun.

PSD is not my favourite file format.

Author Greg Onufer
Work Xee’s source code

“Stop reinventing wheels…”


Stop reinventing wheels, start building space rockets.

Work Motto of CPAN

The key to making programs fast


The key to making programs fast is to make them do practically nothing.

Author Mike Haetel (the original author of GNU grep)
Work “Why GNU grep is fast”

Excerpt from the Windows Vista Licence


“You may not work around any technical limitations in the software”

— Windows Vista licence

Author Microsoft
Work Windows Vista EULA

The Attack-Reporting Computer


There was a country which bordered two enemy countries - one to the north and one to the south. So they set up a computer to report if one of the enemy countries was attacking it and placed an army officer in charge of it.

One day the computer raises the alarm and says “Attack! Attack! We are attacked!”. So the officer asks it: “From the north or from the south?” and the computer replies: “Yes.”.

The officer asks it again ”Are we getting attacked from the north or from the south?”. And the computer replies : “Yes.”.

The officer gets angry and asks: “‘Yes’, what?”. The computer thinks for a moment and replies: “Yes, SIR!!”.

Author Unknown
Work Joke

Don’t use a big word


Don’t use a big word when a singularly unloquacious and diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the contemporary necessity.

Author Ultimate Giggles
Work Facebook Post

It’s better to have loved


It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have lost at all.

Author Samuel Butler (Unsourced)
Work Unknown

What My Latest Project Has


My latest personal project has a manual page, unit and integration tests, Debian packaging, a CI project, and a home page. I can install it and run it. It doesn’t yet do anything useful.

Author Lars Wirzenius
Work New project? Start with the scaffolding

Excerpts from the T.V. Show The Big Bang Theory

Big Bang Theory: Summer Glau #1


Raj: Holy crap! Look!

Leonard: Is that who I think it is?

Howard: It can’t be. What would Summer Glau be doing riding the train?

Leonard: Maybe John Connor’s aboard and she’s protecting him from an evil Terminator.

Sheldon: Unlikely. That’s a television show, Leonard.

Leonard: Thank you.

Sheldon: Of course, if SkyNet actually did exist in the future, a perfect way to infiltrate and destroy mankind would be to send Terminators back posing as actors who have played Terminators in popular films and television series, lulling us into a false sense of security, i.e., that’s Summer Glau from The Sarah Connor Chronicles. No, Summer, don’t kill me! I’m pro-robot! Ahh!

Author Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady
Work The Big Bang Theory S02E17 (The Terminator Decoupling)

Big Bang Theory: Summer Glau #2


Howard: Sheldon, I owe you an apology. Taking the train was a stroke of brilliance! I’ve actually got a shot at a Terminator [= Summer Glau].

Raj: Oh, please.When it comes to Terminators, you’ve got a better shot of scoring with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Howard: You’re overlooking something. I have 11 hours with her in a confined space. Unless she’s willing to jump off a moving train, tuck and roll down the side of a hill, she will eventually succumb to the acquired taste that is Howard Wolowitz.

Leonard: My money’s on tuck and roll.

Author Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady
Work The Big Bang Theory S02E17 (The Terminator Decoupling)

Big Bang Theory: Summer Glau #3


Sheldon: I’m confused. I thought you were involved in some sort of socially intimate pairing with Leslie Winkle.

Howard: Sheldon, let me explain to you how this works.

Sheldon: All right.

Howard: That’s Summer Glau.

Sheldon: Yes?

Howard: That’s it.

Raj: Hang on a sec. Why do you get first crack at her?

Howard: Um, well, let’s see, couple reasons. One, I saw her first.

Raj: No, you didn’t. I did.

Howard: Fair enough. But then let me move on to number two, unlike you, I can actually talk to women when I’m sober.

Raj: You fail to take into account that even mute, I am foreign and exotic, while you, on the other hand, are frail and pasty.

Howard: Well, you know the old saying, pasty and frail never fail.

Leonard: Excuse me, but what about me? Why don’t I get a shot?

Howard: Fine, go ahead. Take a shot.

Leonard: You know, I’ve already got a gorgeous blonde back home that I can’t score with. I think I’ll let you two take this one.

Author Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady
Work The Big Bang Theory S02E17 (The Terminator Decoupling)

Big Bang Theory: Penny After Watching Buffy


[ Penny’s Apartment: Leonard and Penny finished watching an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer ]

Leonard: So, did you love it? Of course you loved it. How could you not love it? Tell me how much you loved it.

Penny: It was cute!

Leonard: Oh, don’t say cute. That’s the worst.

Penny: What’s wrong with cute?

Leonard: It just makes things seem small. It diminishes them.

Author Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady
Work The Big Bang Theory S06E21 (The Closure Alternative)

Excerpts from the T.V. Show Friends

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #1


Phoebe: Yeah, so I said, “OK, relax please,” y’know, I mean, sex can be just about two people right there in the moment, y’know, it’s, if he wants to see me again he can call and if not, that’s fine too. So after a looooot of talking… I convinced him.

Joey: Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him, he got you to say he never has to call you again, and he got you thinking this was a great idea.

Phoebe: Um-hum.

Joey: This man is my God.

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #2


Chandler: Alright, ok, alright. So I can’t fire Joseph but uh, I can sleep with his wife.

Joey: Karen?

Chandler: Yeah, Karen. I’m thinking about having an affair with her. Oh, you know what? I just did.

Joey: Ahh. What the hell are you doing to me man.

Chandler: Oh well it’s not me, it’s my character, Chandy. Yeah, the rogue processor who seduces his co-workers’ wives for sport and then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler. In fact, I have her panties right there in my drawer.

Joey: Really?

Chandler: No freakshow, she’s fictional.

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #3


Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It’s just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.

Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #4


Rachel: Let me tell you something. As a woman there, is nothing sexier than a man who does not want to have sex.

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #5


Duncan [Phoebe’s Husband]: Oh God, I don’t know how to tell you this. I’m straight.

Phoebe: Huuh.

Duncan: Yeah, I know, I.

Phoebe: I, I don’t, I don’t understand, how can you be straight? I mean, you’re, you’re so smart and funny and you throw such great Academy Award parties.

Duncan: I know, that’s what I kept telling myself but you just reach a point where you can’t live a lie anymore.

Phoebe: So how long have you known?

Duncan: Well I guess on some level I always knew I was straight. I thought I was supposed to be something else, you know, I’m an ice dancer, all my friends are gay, I was just tryin’ to fit in.

Phoebe: And um, and there’s actually a, a woman?

Duncan: Her name’s Debra.

Phoebe: Oh. Well is she, is she the first that you’ve been with?

Duncan: Well, I’ve never told you this but, there were one or two times, back in college, when I’d get really drunk, go to a straight bar and wake up with a woman next to me. But I, I, I told myself it was the liquor and e-everyone experiments in college.

Phoebe: Sure.

Duncan: But now I know I don’t have a choice about this, I was born this way.

Phoebe: I, I don’t know what to say. I mean, you know, you’re married to someone for six years and you think you know him and then one day says, ’Oh, I’m not gay.’

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #6


Rachel: Oh my God,

Phoebe: I know.

Rachel: Why have I never tasted these before?

Phoebe: Oh, I don’t make them a lot because I don’t think it’s fair to the other cookies.

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #7


Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, [hands him a lasagna] but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.

Paolo: Grazie.

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #8


Chandler: I think you should go back with Gary. I don’t wanna be the guy that breaks up a family, y’know when my parents split up, it was because of that guy. Whenever I would see him I was always think y’know ’You’re the reason, you are the reason why their not together.’ and I hated that guy. And it didn’t matter how nice he was, or how happy he made my Dad.

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #9


Monica: I feel terrible, I really do.

Rachel: Oh, I’m sorry, did my back hurt your knife?

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #10


Joey: These new kids, they never last. Sooner or later, they all…stop lastin’.

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #11


Phoebe: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers - smelly, smelly, smelly, really bad smelly cat, it’s not your fault] OK, sorry. I’m just, I’m just not getting that everyone um, gets how smelly this cat acually is. I just think that maybe if we could talk about this, ’cause I need to feel that you really care about the cat.

Producer: Honey, uh we, we can talk about this. It’s just that it’s costing about a hundred dollars a minute to be in here.

Phoebe: Oh OK. So, um, the cat stinks but you love it, let’s go.

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #12


Ross: No, there is no way he was a velociraptor. No Tony, look at the cranial ridge, OK. If Dino was a velociraptor, he would have eaten the Flintstones.

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #13


Phoebe: Oh, okay, except I broke up with Roger.


Rachel: What happened?

Phoebe: I don’t know, I mean, he’s a good person, and he can be really sweet, and in some ways I think he is so right for me, it’s just… I hate that guy!

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #14


Ross: You uh, you don’t believe in gravity?

Phoebe: Well, it’s not so much that you know, like I don’t believe in it, you know, it’s just…I don’t know, lately I get the feeling that I’m not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #15


Erica: [= Joey’s looney fan] Drake, what’re you getting at?

Joey: I’m not Drake.

Ross: That’s right, he’s not Drake, he’s Hans Remore, Drake’s evil twin.

Erica: Is this true?

Racehl: Yes, yes it is true. And I know this because, because he pretended to be Drake to, to sleep with me. [throws water in his face]

Monica: And then he told me he would run away with me, and he didn’t. [throws water in his face]

Chandler: And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard. [throws water in his face]

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #16


Rachel: No no no, wait, I wanna see what happens [in the show].

Joey: Uh, I get Leslie out of the coma and then we make out.

Rachel: Well how can that be, you were just kissing Sabrina?

Monica: Rachel, it’s a world where Joey is a neuro-surgeon.

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #17


Ross: I don’t know, I don’t get, I don’t get it, I mean, wh, wh, two months ago Rachel and I were like, this close. Right now, what, I’m takin messages from guys she, she meets at the movies? I mean this, this Casey should be takin’ down my messages, ya know, or, or, Rachel and I should be together and, and we should get some kind of me, message service.

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #18


Joey: Well, what about the fact that you insulted the bracelet and you made fun of me?

Chandler: OK, well that’s the part where I’m a wank. But I was hoping we wouldn’t focus on that.

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #19


Joey: When I was little, I wanted to be a veteranarian, but then I found out you had to put your hands into cows and stuff.

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #20


ROSS: See what? I don’t know what she [=Rachel] sees in… innn that goober. And it takes him, what? Like… like… I don’t know, uhh… uhhh, hello… a… week, to get out a sentence.

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #21


Monica: Rachel you have to read this book. It’s called “Be Your Own Windkeeper”. It’s about how women need to become more empowered.

Phoebe: Yeah and oh, and but there’s, there’s wind and the wind can make us Goddesses. But you know who takes out wind? Men, they just take it.

Rachel: Men just take out wind?

Phoebe: Ya-huh, all the time, cause they are the lightning bearers.

Rachel: Wow.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Rachel: Well that sounds kinda cool, kinda like The Hobbit.

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #22


Phoebe: Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can’t find him. Now, I’ve looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But, ok, before that happens, there’s some pretty rough goin’ for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there’s just the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we go. [starts the tape again]

Ernie [in the videotape]: Bert, Bert. Bert. Hey, what happened to my friend Bert? He was here just a moment ago. Oh no, my old friend Bert is lost.

Phoebe: [to Ben] Oh, I’m so glad you’re here.

Author David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Work Friends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #23


Chandler: You’re just, you’re just clearly not familiar with our young persons vernacular. See, when we say dad, we mean buddy. We mean pal.

Richard: Uh-huh, yeah.