Shlomi Fish Fortunes Collections - All in One Page

Table of Contents

Quotes by Shlomi Fish

I don’t Believe in Fairies


I don’t believe in fairies. Oops! A fairy died.
I don’t believe in fairies. Oops! Another fairy died.

Shlomi Fish

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

The prefix “God Said”


The prefix “God Said” has the extraordinary logical property of converting any statement that follows it into a true one.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

A Jewish Deduction


A Jewish Deduction

The Bible dictates that “Thou shalt not seethe [= cook] a kid [= young goat] in his mother’s milk”. To avoid any possibility of breaking that regulation, the Jewish tradition ruled that it also applies to female goats, to mature goats, and to the meat and milk of two completely unrelated goats. It is also forbidden to eat the meat with fresh milk, and it applies to beef and mutton as well (including mixing the milk and meat of two different beasts). Finally, chicken, which are incapable of milk production, may not be eaten along with any mammal’s milk either.

We are fortunate that most mathematicians were not Jewish. Otherwise, it would have been forbidden to divide by all numbers between -1 and 1.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

I Used to be Arrogant


I used to be arrogant. Now I’m simply Perfect.

AuthorOne of Shlomi Fish’s Relatives
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Murphy’s Law


If the ancient Greeks had invented UNIX, Murphy’s Law would have been known as Aristotle’s Law.

Had they invented MS-Windows, Murphy’s Law would have been known as the Law of Socrates.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Microsoft’s Slogan


Microsoft’s slogan used to be “Microsoft - making it all make sense.”

Today it should be: “Microsoft - making everything make sense. Ours.”

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Linux - Because Software Problems...


Linux - Because Software Problems Should not Cost Money.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkLinux Slogan and Banner

The American Lottery


The American Lottery - all you need is a dollar and a dream. We will take the dollar, but you can keep the dream.

Shlomi Fish

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

“Shit Happens” - 1


“Shit Happens” according to the religions of the world (Deltas by Shlomi Fish)

Judaism: God knows you will do shit, does nothing to prevent it, but makes you take the blame for it anyway.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Shit Happens - 2


“Shit Happens” according to the religions of the world
(Deltas by Shlomi Fish)

Judaism: God is all the shit, all the non-shit and all the intermediate demi-shits in between.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Interpret the Past


Let’s interpret the past according to the present and not the present according to the past.

Shlomi Fish

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Computer Science and C Programming


Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

— Edsger W. Dijkstra

Programming Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about stars.

— Shlomi Fish

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Sarah Michelle Gellar’s Next Movie


[Discussing the shortage of IT workers as of 1998 on E-mail]

Shlomi Fish to Omer Zak: “Even the NSA doesn’t have enough programmers. But it is not likely that they will have more, and that’s because Summerschool at the NSA may might as well be the name of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s next movie.”

Omer Zak to Shlomi Fish: “And as opposed to I Know What You Did Last Summer, it is going to be scary.”

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Objective Philosophy…


Objective philosophy is like a pencil sharpener for one’s mind.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

“The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It” - 1


Oh! I wish you could see the look on his face! Actually, I would have also liked to see the look on his face, but just then I woke up from the dream.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkThe Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It

"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It" - 2


Had I not been already insane, I would have long ago driven myself mad.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkThe Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It

"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It" - 3


“Aside from all that, I planned a political simulator that forecast the two World Wars after I entered all the relevant data until the year 1000 AD.”

“Do you have a computer at home?”

“Oh, no! At present the program is written on a paper. Don’t ask how much time it took me to fully eliminate all bugs out of it. But it was great fun!”

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkThe Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It

"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It" - 4


“Likewise.” Added the interviewer and said: “Your answers were also very… unusual.”

“Although this description cannot testify on their quality, I take it as a compliment.”

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkThe Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It

“The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It” - 5


The government of the Supporter will finance your travel, and you will be able to leave tomorrow morning. We would like to inform you of the following facts: we cannot assure your safety during this travel. Furthermore, despite your long service at the Organisation and your constructive proposal, we cannot say, wholeheartedly or halfheartedly, that we wish to protect your safety. Likewise, we cannot guarantee that we would not take actions that may harm you, indirectly or in a direct manner.

We hope to see you here very soon.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkThe Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It

"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It" - 6


“Okay, I think that I can now return to my country and my village. By the way, how many forbidden books do you have?”

“Oh,”, one of them said to me, “their number is growing geometrically. When I checked two weeks ago, their number was 2,148,763. A week ago there were 4,278,109 forbidden writings. Now there must be about 8,600,000 ones.”

“You are wrong.”, I said to him.

“I beg your pardon?”

“There are now exactly 8,517,559 or 8,517,560 forbidden books.”

“Why is it so important?”

“Why, it means that, for the time being, you have 82,440 or 82,441 extra books which you can read at bedtime if you can’t fall asleep!”

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkThe Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It

"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It" - 7


“And what is the nature of those activists: Socialists? Communists? Liberals?… ”

“Let’s say, for the sake of simplicity, that they are people of my intellect, only that as opposed to me they are sane.”

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkThe Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It

A more experienced programmer…


A more experienced programmer does not make less bugs. He just realizes what went wrong more quickly.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Microsoft Notepad


BTW, for an editor with no replace feature (at least not on Windows 95), no regular-expression search and replace, no indentation support, no syntax-highlighting and no macros and scriptability features: MS Notepad is one hell of an editor!

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkWonderous are the ways of Microsoft

WYSIWYT - Documentation Improvement


Suggested Improvements to the Documentation:

The WYSIWYT project was for a long time fascinated by Microsoft’s tremendous desire to advance its Internet Explorer web-browser. We saw the fact that they switched the help systems of the upcoming Windows 98, as well as Microsoft Visual C++ 5.0, to HTML a major step in advancing our project.

As a complementary step, some of the chief heads of our project suggested that the Windows’ manuals themselves, as well as all of Microsoft’s ads, will be designed in HTML and printed after being rendered by IE4. While this project is in the preliminary and planning stages, we expect it to acquire a large momentum soon.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkIRPWUG Announces Project “What you see is what you think”

If A is A and A is not not-A…


If: 1. A is A.
2. A is not not-A.
does it also imply that:
1. B is B.
2. B is not not-B.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

I know I’m blond…


I know I’m blond, but I have to colour my hair brown, so people would not think I’m stupid. Because, like the title of the book says: "You’ve only got Three Seconds".

Actually, since Amazon sent us two books like that, you’ve only got six seconds.

AuthorOne of Shlomi Fish’s Relatives
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

“Knuth is not God!” - 1


Knuth is not God! It took him two days to build the Roman Empire.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts

“Knuth is not God!” - 2


Knuth is not God! God has already released TeX version 4.0.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts

Taking a Turing Test


> Shlomi,
> Have you ever considered taking a Turing test? ;-)

Sure I did. I sat at one point of an IRC channel, and someone
tested me. Eventually it was discovered that I am a computer, but it
turned out the other side was an Eliza program. Strangely enough, I could
not detect that the latter fact was true.

— Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2465
AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkHackers-IL message No. 2465

IGLU Cabal and the Turing Test


There is no IGLU Cabal! None of them could pass the Turing test. But strangely enough a computer program they coded, could.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkHackers-IL message No. 2465

“Knuth is not God!” - 3


Knuth is not God! Google is not God! RMS is not God!

God himself said that was the case.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts

“Knuth is not God!” - 4


Knuth is not God! Typing “God” into Google and pressing “I’m Feeling Lucky” would not lead you to his homepage.

Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2084 ("The Great WWW-Wisdom Shootout")

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts

“Knuth is not God!” - 5


Knuth is not God! Unless you confuse him with Dijkstra.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts

Patenting the TINIC


(I am patenting issuing a TINIC with anything else but the phrase "There is no IGLU Cabal!". The patent number is kept secret to avoid violating the copyright of its text)

Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2021

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

C++ and Object-Oriented Programming


C++ supports Object-Oriented Programming, roughly as much as COBOL supports Functional Programming.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

If it had not been clear…


I hope that if it had not been clear before, it isn’t less clear now.

AuthorOne of Shlomi Fish’s Technion Lecturers

Hi, Sophie!


Jack: Hi, Sophie!

Sophie: Don’t “Hi, Sophie!” me.

Jack: Don’t “Don’t ‘Hi, Sophie!’ me” me!

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Crazy Opinions


My opinions may seem crazy, but they all make sense. Insane sense, but sense nonetheless.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Corollary of Godwyn’s Law


Shlomi, I’m considering naming a corollary of Godwyn’s law after you - any discussion of anything is over when you mention Freecell Solver.

— Muli Ben-Yehuda on #kernelnewbies (

Muli: BTW, I think that any discussion only begins to gain momentum when I mention Freecell Solver.

— Shlomi Fish on #offtopic (

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Keeping an Idea to Yourself


There’s no point in keeping an idea to yourself since there’s a 10 to 1 chance that somebody already has it and will share it before you.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

An Apple a Day


An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Two apples a day will keep two doctors away.

AuthorOne of Shlomi Fish’s Relatives
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

You are banished!


“You are banished! You are banished! You are banished! Hey! I’m just kidding!”

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Foreign Languages


[Discussing Foreign Languages Knowledge in the U.S.A]

Ben Collins-Sussman: Tis’ true, unlike Europe, the language doesn’t change every 100 miles.

Shlomi Fish: And unlike England, the accent does not change every 10 miles.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

What happened to Christopher Michael Pilato?


What happened to Christopher Michael Pilato?
Is he gone?
Is he gone for good?
Is he gone for better?
Is he gone for best?
Is he gone forever?
Will he return?
Who is Christopher Michael Pilato, anyway?

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAdapted from an IRC Monologue

Teaching a Computer to Laugh


> Can anyone draw a plan as to how to teach a computer to laugh? Say we
> define laugh as print "LOL", and define smile as print ":)". How would a
> computer know when to print any of those, and when to operate an Eliza
> program?

Judging by IRC or AOL, randomly would do just fine ;-)

— Muli Ben-Yehuda in Hackers-IL message No. 3513
AuthorMuli Ben-Yehuda
WorkHackers-IL message No. 3,153

In Philosophy, as much as in software engineering


In Philosophy, as much as in software engineering, you don’t get credit for originality. What matters is the final product, not who came up with the idea for each feature first.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

HURD is Lacking in Developers


> Unfortunatly as other people have mentioned - the HURD is seriously
> lacking in developers, especially driver writers. Linux is to blame for
> most of that.

KImageShop is seriously lacking in developers, and the GIMP is to blame
for most of that.
AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkPost to the Linux-IL Mailing List

He has a high degree of…


He has a high degree of idealism, a high degree of stubbornness, and an even higher degree of inability to distinguish between the two.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

I expected that this patch won’t go in so easily


> Thanks, applied as change #22936.

And thank you for applying this patch. But to be honest, I’m a little disappointed. I expected it won’t go in so easily and will trigger some discussion here. But there was none. No typo corrections (“you mis-spelled ‘floccinaucinihilipilification’”); no flames ("this patch is the worst thing since non-sliced bread"). Nothing.

Someone should do something about it. This direction is not healthy for p5p. Seriously.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkPost to perl5-porters



rindolfRight now, I think I’ll go to sleep.
mitchnite rindolf
mitchsleep-fu well
rindolfmitch: night.
rindolfBye all!
rindolfmitch: there are no PDB entries for me sleeping.
rindolfmitch: nor do I want any.
rindolfmitch: heh
rindolfmitch: (plug-in-rindolf-sleep ...
Kevin(plug-in-rindolf-sleep 8 HOURS)
TaglineContemplating some potential procedural database functions

Contributing to #gimp


yacooba quickie: are ‘adjustments layers’ planned to be implemented in gimp?
nomisyacoob: at some point in the future, yes.
yacoobnomis: dare to estimate how far this future is?
nomisyacoob: no.
rindolfyacoob: faster if you contribute.
* nomiswaits for the "oh, I cannot program at all".
rindolfnomis: faster if he learns how to program, and then contributes.
yacoobrindolf: you wouldn’t like me to contribute, believe me ;)
TaglineFaster, faster!

Girly Men


[Commenting in Slashdot after Arnold Schwarzenegger’s decision to use open-source software in the California government:]

> This is obviously because Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are girly-men.

Yeah and what are the offerings of the open-source world? Let’s see:

1. Linus Torvalds - Looks like a dweeb, ergo is a dweeb. How girly is that? (plus his wife can kick ass better than him) 2. Richard M. Stallman - a hippy. How girly is that? 3. Eric S. Raymond - a nice looking man with a mustache. Baby faced, so he looks a bit girly to me. 4. Larry Wall - a cross between Linus and RMS (i.e: a hippy dweeb) that is even more girly.

So who do we have left? Alan Cox? OK, he’s manly. (huge man, huge facial hair, etc.) And all the others are so neglible people don’t even know how they look like.

Note: this comment may have been a bit cruel, so sorry. Don’t take it too seriously, especially if you’re one of the guys I laughed about. I hold you all with the greatest respect. Seriously.

Sincerily yours,
Shlomi Fish (who is a quite girly male himself).

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkSlashdot Comment

If his programming…


If his programming is anything like his philosophising, he would find ten imaginary bugs in the "Hello World" program.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Hacker Sees Bug


Hacker sees bug. Hacker does not want bug. Hacker fixes bug.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Tcl is Lisp on Drugs…


Tcl is Lisp on drugs. Using strings instead of S-expressions for closures is Evil with one of those gigantic E’s you can find at the beginning of chapters.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

95% of Programmers


Linus Torvalds: "95% of Programmers consider themselves in the top 5%".

Shlomi Fish’s Corollary: "95% of Programmers consider 95% of the code they did not write, in the bottom 5%."

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Too Girly


rindolfLinuxgrrl: well The Gilmore Girls is also a drama. Sort of a dramedie, but a serious one.
LinuxgrrlToo girly for me.
rindolfLinuxgrrl: you are a girl.
rindolfLinuxgrrl: let me guess - you’re using Debian or Gentoo, right?
rindolfLinuxgrrl: knew it.
rindolfLinuxgrrl: no self-respecting tomboy would use Mandrake.
TaglineToo Girly

C++ is…


C++ is complex, complexifying and complexified.

(With apologies to the Oxford English Dictionary).

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Blogging Memes


rindolfI’m siicckk of blogging memes.
rindolfYou are this file type.
rindolfYou are that type of cloth.
jkauffmanYou are this member of the Friends show
rindolfjkauffman: LOL.
jkauffman"January 4th, 2005: Just took an online quiz and it turns out I’m a Joey type"
TaglineShlomi Fish (rindolf) and jkauffman

Becoming Crazy


tyler-rindolf: you are seriously the craziest fucker I know
tyler-and I know some crazy ass people
rindolftyler-: I am crazy. And proud of it.
tyler-rindolf: you should be
mofinoAhh man
rindolftyler-: being crazy is hard work. I worked all my life to becrazy.
mofinoNormal people aren’t fun.
rindolftyler-: "Craziness is not an action. It’s a process."
tyler-rindolf: I see
rindolfYou need to tend to your insanity.
rindolftyler-: do you want to be crazy?
tyler-rindolf: that’s why I feed my leprechaun at least once aday.
rindolftyler-: I can teach you everything I know.
TaglineBecoming Crazy

Discussing living with one’s parents on IRC.


rindolfmofino: I have some money, and am living and am supported by my parents.
rindolfmofino: there’s much less of a taboo against living withone parents after school in Israel, than there is in the States.
mofinoIt’s not taboo
mofinoIt’s pathetic.
mofinoAlthough, sometimes life sucks, and you have no choice.
q[ender]you know, it depends
q[ender]if you’re not married and / or not getting any, it doesn’t much matter if you live with your folks
mofinoender, usually when you have self-respect, you try and you know, make it on your own
rindolfq[ender]: are you married and not getting any? You could live with your parents.
q[ender]rindolf++ # good burn!
TaglineLiving with your parents




-- Moses the Smiley by Shlomi Fish
AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkMoses the Smiley

The First Phrase that needs to be Taught


The first phrase that should be taught when teaching a new language is how to say “Do you speak English?”.

The first thing that needs to be taught when teaching a new computer tool is how to exit it.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Re-inventing the Wheel


He who re-invents the wheel, will understand much better how a wheel works.

He who re-invents the wheel, may actually invent a much better wheel.

Shlomi Fish

He who re-invents the wheel will likely design a square wheel and spend a year trying to figure out why it doesn’t work properly.

Nadav Har’El

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Better Alternative


Sometimes you don’t need to be familiar with a better alternative to know that something sucks. Take Microsoft Word for example.

AuthorShlomi Fish’s Friend
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Good Student vs. Bad Student


The difference between a good student and a bad student is that a bad student forgets the material five minutes before the test, while a good student five minutes afterwards.

AuthorOne of Shlomi Fish’s Technion Lecturer
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Real Programmers Don’t Write


Real programmers don’t write workarounds. They tell their users to upgrade their software.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Jewish Atheists


Jewish Atheists are the only true Atheists. They beat the hell out of Goy Atheists.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Chuck Norris Perlsixifies at FreeNode’s #perl6 channel.


rindolfajs: perhaps Chuck Norris would be a useful addition to the Pugs and Parrot teams.
ajsrindolf: If Norris can write, give him a commit bit, and tie him to a keyboard ;)
FurnaceBoyI thought he already had commit
daximChuck Norris commits with a roundhouse kick into the SVN server’s head
* FurnaceBoychuckles
ajsdaxim: If you can get that to pass the test suite, then more power to you!
FurnaceBoyChuck *is* the test suite
Kattanachuck norris does not code, when he sits at a computer, it just does whatever he wants.
rindolfKattana: :-)
daximah, we’re easy to amuse
ajsBe the test suite, Chuck... BE the test suite.
FurnaceBoyyou gotta pass ‘make chuck’
TaglineChuck Norris Perlsixifies at FreeNode’s #perl6 channel.

The ex-Member about Rashness


“You know:”, the physicist said, “in my opinion since you left the Organisation you acted without thinking a lot before you did things. I would describe your behaviour as deriving from spontaneousness and fickle‐mindedness that border rashness. Do you also think so?”

“Of course!” I replied, “Except for arrogance, rashness is my only defect!”

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkThe Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It

Second Best Solution


The current solution offered by Nvidia may be the second-best solution. But this is one case where the second best solution is not good enough.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkNvidia Petition

If it isn’t in my email…


If it isn’t in my email, it doesn’t exist.

And if the whole world says one thing and my email says something different, email will conquer.

-- an Israeli Linuxer.

AuthorAn Israeli Linuxer
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Buffy and Willow


rindolfHi CSWookie
rindolfCSWookie: aren’t you also on Freenode?
CSWookierindolf: What’s up.
CSWookierindolf: I am.
rindolfCSWookie: I’m fine.
rindolfCSWookie: you are a Buffy fan right?
CSWookierindolf: I am. Although really, more a Willow fan. Nothing hotter than red-headed Jewesses that are scared of boys.
TaglineCSWookie on Willow

When Closed-source Bites


rindolfHi all! How can I tell Flash in FF to play using artsd? It keeps trying to invoke esd. I’m on Mandriva 2007.
vexati0nthe REAL question is, wtf is taking adobe so long with flash 9 :@
vexati0nrindolf: you might have to set that with firefox’ settings.
vexati0nor, do what good people do and use opera.
* rindolfslaps vexati0n
rindolfvexati0n: I’m not using Opera. Period.
rindolfI don’t like it and it’s not FOSS.
vexati0ngod, it’s like opera is anathema just cause people can’t look at it’s code or something.
vexati0nlike YUO are going to tinker with your browser’s source code anyway
rindolfvexati0n: actually, I did that for Firefox.
rindolfvexati0n: I have a bug pending on
rindolfvexati0n: nah, nah, nah, nah
vexati0nwell, you wouldn’t have to do it with opera because it already works :P
rindolfvexati0n: I hate the fact that it resizes images.
rindolfvexati0n: it causes the images to be too large.
rindolfvexati0n: now tell me how do I fix that.
vexati0nopera resizes images? o.O
vexati0ndo you have a page it screws up so i can look?
rindolfvexati0n: when I press Ctrl++ and Ctrl+-
vexati0noh. you mean it doesn’t just increase the size of the text.
rindolfvexati0n: take for example.
rindolfvexati0n: yes.
TaglineWhen Closed-source bites

The Bad Thing about Hardware


The bad thing about hardware is that it sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t. The good thing about software is that it’s consistent: it always does not work, and it always does not work in exactly the same way.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Welcome to Web 2.0


rindolfKev: thanks.
rindolfKev: did you post it on the French page?
Kevnot yet
rindolfKev: you need to create an account first. But it’s easy.
rindolfIt’s a MediaWiki based wiki.
rindolfKev: what’s wrong?
jagermanMaybe MediaWiki wronged him in some way!
jagermanJust be thankful it isn’t a blog!
rindolfKev: what’s wrong with wikis?
rindolfAnd be extra thankful it’s not MySpace.
jagermanMt. Allison [University] is now paying 5 students to maintain a "life as a Mt. A student" blog
TaglineWelcome to Web 2.0

Unflattering Nicknames


mofinoWell I’m confused and I’m going home
mofinoLater guys
mofinoAnd girl.
mofinoYoung tender girl ...
mofinosweet 16 year old girl ....
rindolfmofino: heh.
* mofinoputs away his lynching pedo personality
* ChanServgives channel operator status to jagerman
←jagermanhas kicked mofino from #perlcafe (Leave already :P)
* jagermanremoves channel operator status from jagerman
avarWe have found pedobear and he is mofino
→mofinohas joined #perlcafe
mofinocan you like not do that as I’m picking up my keys?
mofinoyou fagerman
rindolffagerman, homofino, what’s next?
rindolfI know - q[tyler-]
rindolfOTOH, I’ve been called Slimy Fish lately.
avarrindolf: The *real* Slimy Fish?
rindolfavar: the one and only 100% original real actual and unmatched Slimy Fish<tm>!
rindolfI’m the real Slimy, yes I’m the real Slimy, if you’re the real Slimy and not just a Slimy. So will the real Slimy please stand up, please stand up...
* jagermanis ashamed for actually knowing those lyrics
avarsing it jew boy:)
TaglineUnflattering Nicknames

Linux for Christians


rindolfCSWookie: tried Christian Ubuntu yet? ;-)
goldfishOh dear, you weren’t joking.
rindolfgoldfish: no, I was.
goldfish"Ubuntu Christian Edition is a free, open source operating system geared towards Christians. It is based on the popular Ubuntu Linux. Ubuntu is a complete Linux-based operating system, freely available with both community and professional support."
moldyi might try it soon
moldyright now we are using plain dapper at my church
goldfishmoldy: hah
moldyis this that funny? :p
moldyFor 40 days before Easter, Ubuntu Christian Edition works in text mode only.
goldfishThat’s brilliant :)
rindolfThere’s also a Jewbuntu blog, but it’s not as funny as this Christian Ubuntu blog.
moldyThat sounds about right -- Jesus might have preferred Jewbuntu since he was a Jew. Then again, Jesus was also a dedicated idealist, so he might have chosen Debian instead of Ubuntu. :-P
tpopewhy has ubuntu become the distro of puns?
moldyhas it? there are puns for other distros, too
StroggJesus came from long long ago. I bet he runs debian stable. :)
TaglineUbuntu for Christians

More Advanced than CVS


On Sunday 01 April 2007, chromatic wrote:
> On Saturday 31 March 2007 15:26, Yuval Kogman wrote:
> > uses_version_control sounds more like lacks_manifest_skip_file which
> > should deduct kwalitee IMHO.
> Maybe so, but how else can CPANTS detect that you use the world’s most
> advanced version control system: CVS?

Are you kidding?

CVS is not advanced as:

1. Microsoft Visual SourceSafe - the only sane choice for good data integrity
and portability.

2. tarballs/zip-files and patches. This one excels in convenience, and

CVS is a very advanced version control system, however. I do wish that
Subversion (which is a VCS that I have to use against my will) was as good as
it is.

    -- Shlomi Fish answering to chromatic on 01-April-2007
AuthorShlomi Fish
Work"Re: New CPANTS metrics"

Larry Wall Facts


  • Larry Wall can understand the Perl code he wrote last year.
  • Larry Wall gets the colon.
  • There are at least 137 Larry Walls in the U.S. but only one that matters.
  • Larry Wall applies a patch manually quicker than GNU patch.
  • Larry Wall dreams in Perl.
  • Larry Wall can program in his sleep.
  • Larry Wall is lazy, impatient and full of hubris.
  • Larry Wall has more dollars in the bank than in his Perl code.

-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts"

Electrical Engineering Studies in the Technion


Electrical Engineering studies. In the Technion. Been there. Done that. Forgot a lot. Remember too much.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

"I am Without Faults"


Well, for the record, *I* am without faults, but i’ll mention them here anyways:

  1. i really hate scriptaculous
  2. i kicked a dog the other day
  3. i pushed an old lady aside, on my way to get a cup of free coffee
  4. i secretly program in Python
  5. i like to interject and make lists
AuthorJeff Anderson
WorkPost to London Perl Mongers

“I’m not an actor”


I’m not an actor - I just play one on T.V.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Discussing vapourware on Freenode’s ##freebsd


anonuserYou know for when they finally decide to release that programatic abortion they call perl 6
rindolfanonuser: on Christmas.
rindolfanonuser: don’t know which one.
rindolfanonuser: you can download pugs and play with it.
anonuserrindolf, The running joke I have with friends is that Duke Nukem Forever (DNF) is being written in Perl6
rindolfanonuser: it’s an old joke.
anonuserrindolf, DNF and Perl6 together is an old joke?
rindolfanonuser: yeah.
rindolfanonuser: “Perl 6 is the language Duke Nukem Forever will be written in.”
rindolfWell, it’s not too old, but it’s a meme.
Aji-Dahakarindolf: I’m the guy who’s going to port DNF from GNU/Hurd to FreeBSD
TaglineDiscussing Vapourware

Trying to Block Pornography…


Trying to block Internet pornography is like climbing a waterfall and trying to stay dry.

— Drew Dexter

AuthorDrew Dexter
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

I’m not Straight


I’m not straight - I’m Israeli.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Almost Worthy


Hi Omer! Mazal Tov on Chen and yours marriage. It reminds me of a quote from Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre:

"At this period she married, removed with her husband (a clergyman, an excellent man, almost worthy of such a wife) to a distant county, and consequently was lost to me."

Well, in your case I can say that both of you are almost worthy of each other. Congrats again!

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkComment on Omer Shapira’s Blog

It doesn’t Mean What You Think it Means


> You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it
> means.

It does not mean what I think it means, but it means what *you* think it

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkPost to Linux-elitists

Tower of Babel and God the Dwarf


A few weeks ago, I’ve been to Freenode’s #perl, talking to merlyn and other guys, when we got to discuss the Biblical "Tower of Babel Myth". As it turned out, the commonly perceived interpretation was not the one most scholars find as more sensible, which is the one we ended up being taught at Junior High School.

What most people think is something like that:

The people spoke to each other in the same language, concentrated in one place, and decided to build a tower high enough so they can reach God. God, a small dwarf who lived in the sky, was afraid of the efforts of these people, because he feared they’ll reach him. So he casted an 8th level Spell of Language Fragmentation, caused these people to speak in different tongues, and without being able to understand each other, they ended up spreading across the Earth. God was relieved and returned to his dwarfish deeds, as dwarfs do.

Shlomi Fish in (Based on what his Bible teacher said)

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Blog Post

One GEGL Per Child on GIMPNet’s #gimp channel


CIA-1shlomif * r1712 gegl/ (ChangeLog docs/
CIA-1* docs/ fixed "GEGLs" into "GEGL’s" and "GIMPs"
CIA-1into "GIMP’s" in the homepage.
mitchwhy is breaking the correct writing a fix?
mitchrindolf: ?
mitchrindolf: oh i misread :)
* rindolfgives some GEGLs and GIMPs to the mitches.
mitchhaha :)
rindolfOne GEGL each!
rindolfThere’s not enough for everybody.
rindolfWe should have an assembly line of GEGLs.
rindolfMass-produce them for the ever-growing demand.
TaglineOne GEGL Per Child on GIMPNet’s #gimp channel

Dream Language in Freenode’s #lisp-il


adehtrindolf: my brother had AIMA in hard-cover.. and maybe I can get a hold of PAIP
* adehtyays for perl
rindolfadeht: what did perl do?
adeht<adeht> s/had/has/;
rindolfadeht: it’s actually from sed and ed before that.
adehtI know, but I’m using perl syntax :)
rindolfadeht: now write it in Lisp.
adehtin Lisp you wouldn’t use a regex for this kind of dumb substitution.. though you could
adehtrindolf: a nice way of writing CL code is to imagine your dream language for expressing that particular problem, and then realizing it :)
rindolfYou probably wouldn’t use a regex in Python either.
rindolfadeht: I see.
rindolfadeht: I’m not going to implement Perl in Common Lisp. :-D
TaglineDream Language in Freenode’s #lisp-il

Why Shlomi Fish Dislikes Lisp


> This reminds me of Paul Graham’s articles, in which he claims that LISP
> programmers are better. But why is it so (whether or not you agree to
> the conclusion)? There are at least two opposite reasons: 1. Because
> programmers that learned LISP become better 2. Because good programmers
> prefer LISP when they come to know it.

No. 1 is true, naturally. No. 2 is not true - I know LISP but I prefer Perl.
Other like Python, etc. The reasons I don’t prefer LISP are:

1. The standards of Common LISP and Scheme don’t define anything practical.
2. LISP is at the moment incredibly verbose.
3. As Larry Wall noted, all LISP code comes in parenthesis and so it all looks
the same. (Perl is the exact opposite in this regard).
4. I cannot make heads nor tails of serious LISP code. Many LISPers create so
many macros and use them along with regular LISP code, so you keep having to
refer to the previous definitions, and make a lot of research to get you

SICP Scheme is easy and fun. But serious LISP code can take too much time to
understand. OTOH, recently I had little problem reading the source code of
other Perl programmers, and extending it or fixing bugs. (likewise for
AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkPost to Linux-IL

We don’t Know His Cellphone


We don’t know his cellphone number, and even if we did, we would tell you that we didn’t know it.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Engrew Sentence #1


plis tak mi auot from yuor mail list.

-- This Engrew sentence contains very few errors.

AuthorAnonymous Israeli
WorkMessage sent to Shlomi Fish

What do you mean?


What do you mean by "WDYM"?

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection



Chen Shapira: spent 5 hours yesterday trying to get Windows to print on my new wireless printer. It still doesn’t work. On Ubuntu it worked after few minutes.

Shlomi Fish: Heh. Linux++ .

Chen Shapira: I’d do Windows-- , but this may result in an integer underflow.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

"Use qmail Instead" Excerpt #1


A few days ago I joined #mandriva on Freenode trying to get to the bottom of a problem I have with KMail at work, where I cannot start KAddressBook from inside it. I asked my question and soon afterwards received:

  • One Thunderbird recommendation.
  • Two Evolution recommendations.
  • One Sylpheed Claws recommendation.
  • One GMail recommendation.

The problem is that I wasn’t interested to learn about alternative E-mail clients, and just wanted to get my problem solved. And in GMail’s case it was completely out of the question due to my work’s constraints.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkThe "Use qmail instead" Syndrome



I recently had to figure out how to do something with wget: get everything below a directory on the web-server, without following links to outside it. So I logged in to FreeNode’s #debian channel, where there are many knowledgeable people to ask it. The first answer I got was "RTFM". So, I read the wget man page, but could not find it there. Eventually, after telling people that it would be faster to give an answer, I got a reply ( add the -np -r flags). But this has been the last straw.

I composed my own acronym. Just like RTFM is "Read the Fabulous Manual" and STFW is "Search the Fabulous Web", then JATFM is "Just Answer the Fabulous Man". It means that it’s usually faster to answer someone’s question than to ask him to RTFM, which is just going to annoy him. I think the RTFM mantra has done a lot of damage in the UNIX/Linux world, and I hope JATFMing would prove to be a more healthy ideology.

AuthorShlomi Fish Journal Post

I have to do TWAIN…


A: I’m busy right now - I have to do TWAIN.

B: Do Shania Twain?

C: Oh, I’d love to do Shania Twain.

—Adapted from a conversation on Freenode’s #perl

AuthorFreenode #perl Participants
WorkAdaptation of an IRC conversation

Fight for Perl


→spx2has joined #soc-help
spx2I want to FIGHT FOR PERL IN GSOC !
spx2I feel the power of metal in my veins
spx2perl is flowing in my blood !
spx2What perl Armies can I join this YEAR ?
ambsspx2: a lot :)
spx2ambs: Hail BRETHREN !
spx2where are the armies ???
spx2I want to ENGAGE and start preparing my weapons !
spx2ambs: what projects are this year ?
ambsspx2: ideas at
spx2I will fight this year in the PERL battle !
rindolfspx2: Python is for the WEAK and TIMID!
spx2rindolf: TOTALLY !
* spx2examines the war grounds
TaglineFight for Perl

Perl Saints as an Alternative to Perl Heroes


> So, yeah… there are no gods, only heroes.  And anyone can become
> a hero.  And even heroes are just regular people.

I don’t suppose we should propose that as an alternative to Perl Gods, there
should at least be Perl Saints:

Of course, I’m not sure what being a Perl saint would imply. Using nothing but
Perl? (Including not C in which perl 5 is written?)

Oh well.

Not that I mind the Perl Gods stereotype stuff.


        Shlomi Fish (a Perl saint^W hero wannabe, but definitely
        not a Perl God)
AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkPost to to San-Fransisco Perl Mongers Mailing List

What being a Perl Saint Implies


> > > Of course, I’m not sure what being a Perl saint would imply.
> >
> >  It would imply having been killed for your faith in Perl.
> Does that make Randal the Spanish Inquisition?

No one expects the Randal Schwartz condition ;)

    -- Shlomi Fish, frosty, Duane Obrien and David Fetter in:
AuthorShlomi Fish, frosty, Duane Obrien and David Fetter
WorkSan-Fransisco Perl Mongers Thread

San-Fransisco Perl Mongers: Randal Schwartz Noise Band


>  > > > Of course, I’m not sure what being a Perl saint would imply.
>  > >
>  > >  It would imply having been killed for your faith in Perl.
>  >
>  > Does that make Randal the Spanish Inquisition?
>  No one expects the Randal Schwartz condition ;)

I almost feel honor bound now to start a noise band called The Randal
Schwartz Condition.  I could shout his rants into a microphone while
the rest of the band flogged a newbie live on stage.

    -- Duane Obrien in:
AuthorDuane Obrien
WorkSan-Fransisco Perl Mongers Thread

San-Fransisco Perl Mongers: Randal Schwartz Condition


>>>>> "Duane" == Duane Obrien <duane.obrien at> writes:

Duane> Alternately, The Randal Schwartz Condition is now accepting bookings
Duane> for birthdays, weddings, religious ceremonies of any kind, or occasions
Duane> where your consulting company throws a big party at some conference.
Duane> Email me off-list for details on how to get advance copies of our demo
Duane> "I’m The Real Tim Toady"

I’m already thinking of words to the "tune" of "I’m the real Slim Shady".

Damn you. :)

    -- Duane Obrien and Randal L. Schwartz
AuthorDuane Obrien and Randal L. Schwartz
WorkSan-Fransisco Perl Mongers Thread

Godwin’s Law


> > In that case, lacking good links or a definitive reference text, I’ll have
> > to ignore your comment earlier.
> >
> > I hope it’s not much of a flamewar so far, but it sure seems to have
> > escalated into a minor one. "You are a Nazi!"
> > (’s_law ) - oops!
> Please.  The Nazi’s were socialists.  I’m a little to the right of
> Attila the Hun.

And I thought Attila was a Humanitarian.

    -- Shlomi Fish, Guy Hulbert and Shlomi Fish in:
AuthorShlomi Fish and Guy Hulbert
WorkPost to the Perl module-authors mailing list

Pedantic People


I often wonder why I hang out with so many people who are so pedantic. And then I remember - because they are so pedantic.

— an Israeli Perl Monger

AuthorIsraeli Perl Monger
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Variable Naming on #not-##freebsd


rindolfp13: do you write scripts?
p13rindolf, init scripts and sys maintenance scripts in csh sh and bash
p13but i suck
p13i made them SO unreadable on purpose too
p13my var names for example
p13i would use random quotes from coworkers
p13like "wereoutofcoffee"
p13or "ihatemyjob"
p13etc etc
trashguyi hate people lik eyou p13
p13trashguy, hahaha
trashguyatleast the variabls are obvious and not mistaken for functions and shit
elgrandei stringly recommend to call variables only: var1, var2, var3 ... var999
elgrandebut for purpose of clarity, after var999 continue with varB1, varB2,...
rindolfelgrande: <elgrande> i stringly recommend to call variables only: var1, var2, var3 ... var999 - excellent advice.
rindolfelgrande: LOL.
elgranderindolf: and of course: cls1, func1, meth1, if1
elgrandeso if var3 > var2 then var1 = cls3->meth2 endif
rindolfelgrande: heh.
elgrandeeveryone is understand this!
rindolfelgrande: I'll probably make a fortune cookie out of it.
elgrandeobj997 bevahes like this, because it implements if371
rindolfelgrande: you're still going.
TaglineVariable Naming

Monty Python on Computer Interfaces



A: You Linux kids are so lucky. When we were using Windows 95 and Windows 3.11 it kept getting stuck and we lost all our data. We had to reboot it.

B: You used Windows 95! Lucky Bastard! When I was your age, we used DOS on CGA screens, and we were lucky if we had 4 colors, much less a true windowing environment.

C: You had DOS with graphics? Lucky bastard! When I was your age, I used VT-100 terminals connected to a VAX. 128 characters should be enough for everybody?

D: Visual Terminals? When I was your age, we used teletypes on a PDP-11: the computer printed on paper - very slowly. Can you imagine cat’ing a really long document?

E: Teletypes were heaven compared to the punch cards that I was using. Imagine going over to the computer with a large amount of punch cards and then dropping them all.

F: Punch cards! What is this talk about punch cards? We input machine code directly using buttons and LEDs.

G: And all we had were NAND gates!


AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkEmail Message

#python on Incrementing


rindolfHi all.
scorchsaber<all> Hi rindolf
rindolfscorchsaber: heh.
rindolfOr in Python:
rindolfrillo: Python does not have a ++ operator.
scorchsaberrindolf: Oh, but it does have a + operator.
rilloah. i'm new to python so i diddnt know
scorchsaberA few days ago, it was suggested that I implement ++ using the + operator.
scorchsaberAnd I did so. :)
scorchsaberSo, really, a++; is valid in Python, and it may even increment a by one. If somebody was crazy, anyhow, and if a was mutable.
rilloshall i move back to perl to get the ++
rindolfrillo: no, use COBOL instead.
verteeww, magic numbers!
rindolf"COBOL is the old Java"
rindolfverte: heh.
rindolfverte: 1 is not a magic number.
rindolfASSIGN 1 to ONE
rindolf0, 1, infinity.
rindolfverte: LOL.
\amethystCOMPUTE COBOL = COBOL + 1
TaglineOn Incrementing

I Met a Guy in the Bar


I met a guy in the bar, talked to her and she gave me her phone number.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

BASIC, Pugs and After Death


rindolfTimToady: so BASIC was your first language?
TimToadyno, English was my first language. :)
rindolfTimToady: I started with XT ROM BASIC, but I suppose it was something like Perl 5 was to Perl 4 for your BASIC.
rindolfBASIC has greatly evolved since Dartmouth BASIC.
rindolfTimToady: ah.
rindolfTimToady: not Chomsky's Universal language?
diakopterrindolf: what's the name of the Parrot implementation of Intercal?
Juerd21:04 <@TimToady> we have a test suite right now because of pugs
JuerdVery, very important.
rindolfdiakopter: I don't know.
rindolfJuerd: yes, very.
rindolfJuerd: anyway, I expect that at every given time all tests will pass.
JuerdWell, there are probably bad tests too :)
JuerdGiven the volume of the suite, and that pugs has never been able to even parse everything :0
TimToadytestrot accounts for many of those :)
rindolfTimToady: testrot...
rindolfHow long does it take Pugs to run the entire Pugs test suite?
TimToadybut a number of them were misunderstandings at the time
rindolfBecause Pugs is kinda slow.
diakopterdefudge should be renamed Passover...
TimToadyused to run on my old laptop in about 25 minutes
rindolfTimToady: or cute bugs.
rindolfI mean implementation details.
rindolfTimToady: kinda long.
TimToadyaudreyt's dual core used to run them in 10 minutes
TimToadyI haven't tried on my new laptop, since I haven't installed the lates ghc yet
TimToadyfirst make it run, then make it run right, then make it run fast
rindolfTimToady: another problem with Pugs is that it kept requiring the latest ghc.
JuerdDid pugs drive GHC development perhaps? :D
TimToadyshrug, you shouldn't pick on a software project when it's down
TimToadyJuerd: yes, I believe some of that happened too
rindolfTimToady: "After Death - say holy."
rindolfTimToady: it's a Hebrew phrase.
TimToadyActually, I'm just about out of After Death--I've got a bottle of Mega Death now too.
TimToadyjust had some on my potatoes, yum.
spincladsounds hot
TimToadyof the first six ingredients, five of them are hot. Red habanero pods, cayenne chilies, white vinegar, natural pepper flavor, ancho chilies, chipotle chilies, molasses, guava nectar, fresh ginger, salt, spices.
TimToady'bout 550,000 scovilles
TimToadyAfter Death is only about 500k
TimToadyTabasco is only about 35k
spincladtabasco i'm calibrated on -- now i can (only) imagine
TimToadyso roughly 15 times hotter
spinclad'add 1/15 drop per 100 potatoes'
TimToadyI generally only use it about one "plop" at a time
TimToadyunless I really want a large endorphin kick
rindolfTimToady: LOL.
spincladenjoy yr clear sinuses
rindolf"After Death"
rindolfReminds me of that screensaver.
rindolf"After Hours"
vixeyAfter Dark
vixeywith the flying toasters?
rindolfvixey: yes, that's the one.
rindolfAlso had a nice Looney Tunes one.
rindolf"I now proclaim this computer in the name of Mars!"
rindolf(Marvin the Martian)++
vixeythey were cool
rindolfI recall something about wine being able to run Windows screensavers.
spinclad"where's the kaboom? there was meant to be a case-shattering kaboom."
rindolfXScreenSaver is a pre-Autoconf hell from what I understood.
TaglineBASIC, Pugs and "After Death"

On the Internet


Two female dogs talking about modern-life:

Jasmine: It’s so cool! On the Internet, no one knows you’re a dog!

Daisy: Yeah, but everyone can tell right away that you’re a bitch!

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

#perl6 about Lisp Mentality and Usability


pmuriasrindolf: what is Park/Spark?
rindolfpmurias: it's still incomplete.
rindolfAnd I haven't updated it.
pmuriasrindolf: if you like lisp/perl6 projects you might consider helping with a common lisp elf backend
rindolfpmurias: Common Lisp.
rindolfpmurias: thing is I think both CL and Scheme suck.
rindolfI like Lisp as a concept.
rindolfArc is nice, but has too many implementation problems.
rindolfAnd missing features.
vixeyArc is not nice
rindolfI want to give a presentation to the Perl Mongers about "Foreign Languages: Lisp"
rindolfvixey: I like it.
rindolfThough I hate that "(not)" has become "(no)"
rindolfit's so non-English.
vixeyit's just TCL with horrible syntax
rindolfvixey: but it's missing a lot of exciting features.
rindolfWhich PG deemed as unnecessary.
rindolfDoesn't look like the 100-years language to me.
rindolfWhich is why - Spark!
pmuriaswhy not just write an s-expression p6 dialect?
rindolfpmurias: could be.
rindolfpmurias: it's another approach.
rindolfBut some things make sense in Lisp and not in p6.
rindolfFor example, Perl does not like to use + for string or list concat.
rindolfWhile Python does and it seems to be OK in Arc too.
rindolfAnd in CL you have (concatenate) (yuck!).
pmurias+ for strings sucks
vixeyrindolf: If you don't like CONCATENATE you can just rename it
rindolfvixey: yeah.
rindolfvixey: but I'd rather not rename concatenate because then people won't understand my code.
rindolfvixey: as TimToady said people hate abstractions.
vixeyyes they will rindolf
rindolfThey want things to work out of the box.
vixeyA program is many many totally newly defined procedures
vixeyjust renaming one thing is nothing in the context of a big program
rindolfvixey: "let's spend 3 days creating a new language, and 1 day implementing the solution with it."
TimToadyif it would take 10 days without the new language, it's worth it
rindolfTimToady: yeah.
rindolfTimToady: but this is the CL mentality.
vixeyno it's not
rindolfSometimes you can take 1 day to write an API.
vixeyCL is too diverse you cannot generalize like that
rindolfvixey: I meant a common idiom there.
rindolfI think I'll /quit and do something productive.
rindolfLike work on Spark.
vixeyanother quote:
vixeyhow to write any computer program in two easy stages:
vixeyDesign and implement the programming language which would be best for solving the problem.
vixeyWrite the program in the language you’ve just implemented.
rindolfvixey: or just use Perl which is the best for everything.
TimToadythe second step is obvious--the best language for the job is one that does the job on a null input
* pmichaudnotes that vixey's algorithm is somewhat recursive
TimToady"All rules of thumb are false, including this one."
pmuriasrindolf: when you feel like writing Common Lisp backends, contact me or mncharity ;)
TaglineLisp Dialects (Scheme, Common Lisp, Arc, Spark) Mentality and Usability

kilmo about the NSA


[Discussing the shortage of IT workers as of 1998 on E-mail]

Shlomi Fish to Omer Zak: "Even the NSA doesn’t have enough programmers. But it is not likely that they will have more and that’s because ‘Summerschool at the NSA’ may might as well be the name of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s next movie."

Omer Zak to Shlomi Fish: "And as opposed to ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer’ it is going to be scary."

Kilmo: why would you like to make fun of the crypto world ? ;) The NSA does know what you did last summer. And by putting this on the web, they know that you know.

Which may lead to interesting philosophical issues. BTW, in a conference I was attending we were given a sticker saying: "NSA - free email backup".

They still have some issue with the retrieval procedures, but besides of that - they are quite a trusted service.

Shlomi Fish: In my case, I think every random joe can learn a lot about me. Even if he’s not in Google or the NSA or whatever.

Kilmo: Yep. but this is a world-wide service that they offer. (Along with several cooperations, like MI5/6).

AuthorShlomi Fish and Kilmo
WorkAphorisms Collection

What are you Working on?


Ran Eilam To Shlomi Fish: so what are you working on? Working on a new wiki about unit testing fortunes in freecell?

AuthorRan Eilam
WorkJabber Conversation

My blog post got chromatic’d


Well, despite the fact that I hardly publicised my last essay about the "Closed Books", it has been chromatic’d. Rumours are that all the bloggers whose blog posts/essays were deprecated on chromatic’s blog are now rich, famous and the object of the affection of many attractive members of the appropriate sex. Memo to self: prepare a limited edition T-shirt: "My blog post was chromatic’d. I pwn you as a blogger."

AuthorShlomi Fish
Work"Dealing with Approval Addiction (and Implied Stress Periods)

Birth of an Editor


Richard M. Stallman (RMS) decides to release his brand-new editor, "Emacs" on the CPAN with its first version 29.999.99. In order to package it, he invokes the trusty ol’ module-starter (see which creates a skeleton of a CPAN distribution for him.

He fills in the skeleton with the actual code of Emacs, types "perl Build.PL", and "./Build test" and makes sure all the tests pass. Then he types "./Build config --gui" and gets a nice GUI to configure the various parameters of the Module meta-data.[M-B-Data]

In the GUI, Richard goes to the Trove categorisation tab, and selects categories. This is done in a similar way to Freshmeat’s project categorisation dialog (a list of options to the left, with selected options to the right and arrows to move them left or right, while allowing multiple select options.). He chooses such categories as "Programming Language :: Lisp", and "Intended Audience :: Emacs Users", "Operating System :: GNU", and "Topic :: Editors". (Note: I believe the category list should be fetched using a public web-service to keep them up-to-date.)

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkFunctional Spec for the CPAN Classification Proposal

Second Birth of an Editor


After several weeks of having the editor on CPAN, Richard has received many patches, and wrote a lot of code on his own. Now Emacs is not only an editor but a calendar tool, an Eliza program, a web browser, a mail user agent and many other things.

So in order to release version 30.000.00 he needs to update the categorisation. He runs ./Build config --gui again, and adds more categories. However, he enters too many categories (because Emacs now does them all), and the GUI refuses to save the file because it will overflow the limit that the web-service specified the CPAN classification services allow to handle. So Richard keeps only the important categories, adds more tags, and saves it.

He then tests the distribution again, and uploads the new distribution to the CPAN.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkFunctional Spec for the CPAN Classification Proposal

Microsoft Editing Macros


Bill Gates, CEO of Microsoft decides to use Richard Stallman’s Emacs as the basis of his company’s state-of-the-art product Microsoft Editing Macros™ Enterprise Edition XP .NET Professional. However since MS Editing Macros™ is a commercial, proprietary program which he intends to sell at computer stores, Bill is not going to upload it to the CPAN. He builds upon Emacs, sends patches to Richard and learns a lot about it.

When he’s finished building Microsoft Editing Macros™ he surfs to the Emacs homepage on CPAN, and adds some categories and tags of his own.

Eventually, enough people like Bill tag and categorise Emacs, and it gains more classification.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkFunctional Spec for the CPAN Classification Proposal

Looking Back at Your Old Habits


rindolf"Who's the idiot that wrote this code?"
rindolfThat's what many people say when looking at their old code.
jkauffman"I can't believe I used to listen to this crap"
jkauffmanthat's what people say when they look back at their old music collection
rindolfjkauffman: I don't usually.
rindolfjkauffman: I am however, a bit ashamed of some of the shows I liked when I was younger.
rindolfjkauffman: they seem a bit cheesy now.
jkauffmanyes, you're onto such better things now that you can fully appreciate the gilmore girls
rindolfjkauffman: you can never really appreciate The Gilmore Girls until you've watched it in the original Klingon.
TaglineLooking Back at Your Old Habits

Really Extreme Programming


rindolfcl0ud: what's up?
cl0udrindolf: just getting ready for work on this drizzly day
cl0udrindolf: and feeling great
cl0udrindolf: you?
rindolfcl0ud: sending an email to the Extreme Programming mailing list.
ikrindolf: tell them that in order to be truly extreme, they need to ditch their pair-programming buddy system and start programming with spent ammunition and unexploded shells
rindolfik: heh.
rindolfExtremist Programming
rindolfIk-stremist Programming.
ispy_What about Psycho Coding?
ispy_PSYCoder <--- cool name for an editor :)
cl0udPsychaudit <- memory tester
TaglineReally Extreme Programming

"You should shoot me"


Larry: final exams are on Tuesday and through Friday, so you won’t see me for a while, or if you do - then you should shoot me.

Shlomi: I Will shoot you with my cross-intertubes-laser-gun.

Larry: HAHAHA.

Shlomi: Which I don’t have.

Larry: Which network topology will you implement, for better accuracy ?

Shlomi: I’ll just depend on the standard TCP/IP routing. Overlay the laser on top of the TCP packets.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkIM Chat with Larry

God gave us…


God gave us two eyes and ten fingers so we will type five times as much as we read.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

Only wimps complain about bad code


Only wimps complain about bad code. Real men clean it up.

Shlomi Fish

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

Wikipedia has…


Wikipedia has a page about everything including the .

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

Hack, hack, hack…


shlomif: hack, hack, hack ; save ; make ; make test; commit. And start over.

mrjink:hack, hack, hack; save; make; swear; fix typos; save; make; make test; swear some more; hack some more; save; make; make test; cheer; commit.

meep: hack, make, test, segfault, oh noes, revert to previous revision

AuthorShlomi Fish and Others
WorkOn Plurk.

Threat vs. Warning


Well, it’s not a threat - it’s a warning, and he won’t be harmed much by acting against my advice. A threat is something like "Stop posting political posts or I will burn your house, rape your wife and daughters, banish you to the middle of Antarctica, convert all your Perl code to PHP, and then post it on"

Regarding what you say that "no one cares if you unsubscribe", then this reminds me of what Fred Brooks says in "The Mythical Man-Month": "How does a project becomes late? One day at a time.". If you’re not careful, you might lose a large percent of your blog’s readership, one subscriber at a time.

AuthorShlomi Fish comment

Take that to a different channel


metaperl_workthank you
metaperl_worknothingmuch, i want to chat with you on kiokudb
rindolfHi metaperl_work
confoundyou should chat with him on #kiokudb then
mstmetaperl_work: you mean "about kiokudb"
metaperl_workrindolf, hi! long time no see
rindolfmetaperl_work: yes.
metaperl_workwe are talking in #kiokudb confound
rindolfmetaperl_work: what have you been up to?
confoundno, this is #moose!
metaperl_workconfound, "we" = me and yuval
metaperl_workrindolf, well.... keeping Seamstress up to date
rindolfmetaperl_work: yuval and I.
jhannahIn related news: i'm chatting on my mobile phone
metaperl_workMoose is saving my life... SUPER handy
metaperl_workjhannah, what type of mobile phone?
rindolfmetaperl_work: what is Seamstress?
purlSeamstress is really nothing anyway
confoundit's on cpan
jhannahmetaperl_work: please take that question to #jhannah_phones
stevanjhannah: which network, there doesnt seem to be anyone there
nothingmuchi think buffy might be a closet lesbian
* stevanHAS TO KNOW!!!!
stevannothingmuch: duh
nothingmuchstevan: i think you kinda missed the joke =P
stevantake that to #closet-lesbian-vampire-slayers
jhannahi get jokes
rindolfstevan: LOL. stevan++
jhannahstevan: i have hundreds of invisible groupies in dozens of #jhannah_* channels. they are well trained to be quiet when interlopers lope in
TaglineTake that to a different channel

Do you speak French?


rindolfuwd: what's up?
rindolfBTW, how has English become the official language of Singapore?
AltreusViral marketing
uwdsingapore has four official languages.
uwdone national one.
uwdalso, politics.
uwdalso, see wikipedia.
Altreusit knows all
Altreus[citation needed]
ikrindolf: it's a byproduct of the Richard Nixon / Henry Ford's campaign for chief taxonomist of western Nepal
ik(a coveted position)
rindolfWikpedia has an article about everything including the
AltreusThey are in charge of taxis!
Altreusdisambiguation pages make me sad :(
ikI like the disambiguity!
rindolfik: heh
uwdi like disambiguation pages. they say "this thing you seek... it is not only one thing, you see? no, no, mon ami, this world, she is too big to contain only one of everything, eh?"
Altreus:D you talk like dee
AltreusThat message you said in French could have been typed by dee!
Altreusexcept it was you.
Altreusyou doubleyou dee
uwdit was in English, actually.
AltreusBut it had some French in it
ikTwo words! Four, if you count "no". Twice.
rindolfYes, it sounded French to me too.
Altreusno is not french
rindolfnon is.
Altreuselle n'a pas dit non
rindolfIn any case saying "She" of the world is also a Frenchism.
rindolfJe ne sais pas.
ikBut it's not french
rindolfParlez vous anglais?
uwdit is also a generic Euroism.
AltreusEngland is Europe too :(
uwdso not that French.
pkruminsJe m'appelle Pierre
rindolfpkrumins: heh.
pkruminsJe suis 24 ans!
AltreusGods, the number of times I got contradicted at school for knowing that England was in Europe
pkruminsJe h'abite Riga
uwdAltreus: dude, given that was mostly English, i don't see why the sadface.
rindolfTu s'appelle Peteris
Altreusit's no wonder stupid people make me violent
rindolfpkrumins: not en Riga?
rindolfor de Riga?
Altreusuwd: hmm
rindolfJ'abite, non?
AltreusI seem to sadface a lot more than is necessary due to how I'm never actually sad
Altreusrindolf: habite
pkruminsJe monger a macdo.
Altreusil y a un h
pkruminsJe travailler on ordinator
pkruminsa programmator.
Altreusprobably au tbh
Altreusbut a l' because vowel
AltreusAnd travaille is the first-person present participle
AltreusAnd -eur
AltreusBut mostly right!
uwdwhy -eur?
* Altreuspats pkrumins on the back
pkruminsjadone chats
AltreusI wonder if a pink one is an ordinateuse
pkrumins(or was it chiens)
uwdit's so much easier to say she and mon ami and have people think it's french than actually speak french...
pkruminsi think chats
pkruminsj'adore chats
pkruminsjaim a perl chat
Shiyiyajain n'est pas un mot
Shiyiyaaussi jadone n'est pas un mot
pkruminsall i can say
rindolfpkrumins: chien is a dog.
rindolfI think.
ShiyiyaUes, chien is dog
rindolfchatte for feminine
TaglineHow good is your French?

What does IDK stand for?


What does "IDK" stand for? I don’t know.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

PHP Error Debug List


PHP error debug list:

1) did you use the correct argument order? if you’re a good programmer, use the *reverse* from what you think it is. see if it works. no? you’re not a good programmer, or you learned php’s braindeadness and can go on to step 2).

2) did you think about your code? if so, don’t. php will do it for you so you can do mindbogglingly stupid stuff, such as not escape the data that goes into your sql queries.

WorkMSN Conversation between Dazjorz and Shlomi Fish

More Geek Facts about Chuck Norris


Su-Sheerindolf: yes, I played with Squeak a little and yes I'd like a vim clone written in perl.
MakoryuWhy isn't there one already, then?
Makoryu(A vim clone in Perl)
Su-Sheegood question. there's one in javascript :)
rindolfSu-Shee: actually , it's a vi clone.
rindolfWriting a vi clone is much easier than writing a vim clone.
rindolfJust like writing a Scheme clone is much easier than writing a Perl 6 implementation.
rindolfUnless you're Chuck Norris.
Su-Sheerindolf: darn.. he already wrote a vim in perl6?
moritz_no, he scared K&R into writing it ;-)
rindolfSu-Shee: Chuck Norris is the ghost author of the entire Debian GNU/Linux distribution.
rindolfSu-Shee: and he wrote it in 24 hours, while taking snack breaks.
Su-Sheerindolf: yes, I know - he published slackware under the pseudonym patrick volkerding...
rindolfChuck Norris read the entire Wikipedia. Twice.
araujothe second time includes fixing all its errors
moritz_but he didn't commmit his changes, it seems
rindolfmoritz_: heh.
araujoChuck Norris doesn't commit changes, the changes commit for him
rindolfCode is too scared of Chuck to be wrong.
rindolfIt is generated right in the first time.
rindolfBugs are too afraid to reproduce on Chuck Norris' computer.
Su-Shee.o(I see a chuck norris release on the horizon... ;)
rindolfSu-Shee: :-)
Su-Sheewe could ask chuck norris if he's willing to promote the star release.. ;)) (which probably kill the entire internet due to laughter.. :)
araujoPerl 6 - A Chuck Norris like language
dukeletoChuck Norris has actually been using Perl 6 since 1987, and has been waiting for Larry to play catch-up. :)
rindolfdukeleto: LOL.
rindolfPerl 6 - Kicks ass like Chuck.
Su-Sheerakudo - chuck's choice ;)
Su-Sheewell, camelia and chuck norris go well together. ;)
rindolfOf course everybody know Chuck Norris is a real programmer.
rindolfHe designs machines by combining individual atoms.
rindolfUsing his thought.
rindolfAtoms obey Chuck Norris.
Su-Sheerindolf: you obviously have been starved and deprived of super hero comics in your childhood :)
TaglineWhat you could assume was true about Chuck Norris

Give me ASCII


Give me ASCII or give me deaþ!

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

Technion Ways


In the Technion, there are many ways to get from one place to the other, but they are all the same length.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

Sjors the Awayer


shlomifHi Sjors the Awayer!
sjorsHi Shlomi the, uh
sjorsOnliner! :P
shlomifI am not an Awayer!
shlomifI am a free man.
shlomifOnlinerer, heh.
sjorsor is Awayer some kind of Hebrew word?
shlomifNo, it's not.
shlomifIt's pig-English for someone who is Away.
shlomifWe don't have a "w" sound in modern Hebrew (replaced by "v" a-la-German) but most Israelis have no problems pronouncing it.
shlomifI have problems pronouncing th (maths) and dh (there).
shlomifEven though they did exist in Ancient Hebrew.
sjorsmany Dutch people have problems saying th too
sjorsthey say it eart
sjorsI tink
shlomifI say it ers
shlomifYou seem to be in a funny mood too.
sjorsI tink you are dere
shlomifHow's school?
sjorsI've been feeling great lately :)
shlomifBut OTOH you're a funny guy, anyway.
shlomifI think Zuu from ##programming is the comedian king of Denmark.
shlomifI know many Israelis who are funnier than me IRL.
shlomifOr maybe also online.
sjorsI know many Dutch people funnier than me
sjorsAnd online, I think
sjorsI've been playing openttd
sjorsbut those damn trains
sjorsare SO STUBBORN
shlomifWell, no offence, but you're not the funniest person online.
sjorsit's annoying me
shlomifI've known.
shlomifSometimes trolls can be funny.
shlomifLarry Wall seems a bit less funny on IRC than on Usenet or E-mail.
shlomifBut he's not always funny.
shlomifIRL, he's really funny.
shlomifHe gives funny presentations.
sjorsI don't have the place in ottd to *force* them to do the right thing, but they do stuff like making 90 degree corners, stopping three other trains in their tracks, just because it's like a millisecond shorter than the other route
shlomifThough I think they always get more serious towards the end.
sjorshm :)
shlomifIs it a commercial game?
shlomifI once gave a lightning talk about Template Toolkit and people laughed at the same slide twice , because I gave it twice due to a presentation equipment.
shlomifThe Open says everything.
sjorsyep :)
shlomifI once gave a lightning talk about Template Toolkit and people laughed at the same slide twice , because I gave it twice due to a presentation equipment SNAFU*.
shlomifGotta love Ctrl+Up.
shlomifGotta love Ctrl+Up.
shlomifI think we've been there, though.
shlomifOld joke.
sjorsDidn't know it
shlomifI told you about it a long time ago.
shlomifIt was you I think.
shlomifAnd then we did a session of two messages in a row.
shlomifYou know what S-exprsessions are, right?
shlomifIndeed. No space bar.
shlomifGotta press alt+032
shlomifOr something.
sjorsI don't have a numeric keypad
shlomifMac O Sucks.
shlomifMac O Sucky Computers.
shlomifNo offence, I hope.
sjorsHands off my Mac! ;)
shlomifIt's mine! All mine!
shlomifMy precioussssssssssss.
shlomifI'll make a fortune out of this conversation, I think.
NetworkMSN Messnenger
TaglineSjors the Awayer

Reflections on Trusting Documentation


whoppixQuick git question, perhaps someone knows the answer: I have a file in my git tree (locally and in the repository), but I want git to ignore the file completely, i.e. git is not to touch the file on the filesystem by updating it or merging local changes into the repostiroy
rindolfwhoppix: you can use .gitignore
rindolfI think
whoppixrindolf, hmm, good idea, thanks.
whoppixthat was slow.
whoppixrindolf, hm, I think git update-index --assume-unchanged is what I need.
whoppix.gitignore is only for untracked files
rindolfwhoppix: OK, have no clue what that is.
rindolfGit is so complicated.
rindolfAnd so opaque
whoppixrindolf, me neither, but the doc tells me to use that.
rindolfwhoppix: can you believe the docs?
rindolfThe docs may be lying.
rindolfDon't trust the docs.
rindolfDon't trust anything.
rindolfYou're all alone.
rindolfIt's you against the machine.
rindolfWhen in doubt, use the source code.
rindolfNot some sissy documentation.
whoppixI'll have some of what you've been smoking
rindolfwhoppix: I'm 100% clean.
TaglineReflections on trusting documentation

Emulating cats on #jquery


→ruby_on_tailshas joined #jquery
* rindolfremoves ruby_on_tails off his tail and meows.
* ruby_on_tailsthrows his paws at rindolf and scratches his face
* rindolfhisses at ruby_on_tails
* rindolfcurves his back.
* rindolfis not a cat, he thinks, so why does he says that?
rindolfOn the Internet, no one knows you're a cat.
* ruby_on_tailsdeep-scratches rindolf's ass
rindolfIs there a word for a female cat.
rindolfruby_on_tails: truce?
ruby_on_tailstiger b-)
rindolfruby_on_tails: all felines are friends.
rindolfWe must be united against our common enemy.
rindolfDogs or whatever.
* ruby_on_tailsunites all breeds of cats against rindolf
rindolfruby_on_tails: I am not the cats' no. 1 enemy.
ruby_on_tailsyou are :P
rindolfruby_on_tails: heh.
rindolfruby_on_tails: :-)
rindolf"Cats of the world - unite!"
ruby_on_tailsthey are already united
ruby_on_tailsAndy-: ajax form submission
rindolfruby_on_tails++ # Despite being a cat god in an awfully bad mood.
rindolf"Ceiling cat is watching you."
rindolfruby_on_tails: I totally dig the lolcat web-cartoons.
rindolfI derive a sick pleasure from them.
ruby_on_tailsI just watch tom n jerry
rindolfWell, not really sick.
rindolfruby_on_tails: tom is kinda stupid.
rindolfHe's the cat, right?
ruby_on_tailsbut he's got determination till the end :>
rindolfThere's also Rita and Runt (sp?) in Animaniacs.
rindolfRita is a smart cat.
TaglineFelines of the world - unite!

English Spelling


English spelling aims to be consistent. Publicly and methodically.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

Virtual Money


shlomifBTW, have you read my stories yet?
SjorsI haven’t
shlomif"If you read my stories, I’ll give you 1,000,000 virtual dollars."
SjorsCausing me to have a lot of extra virtual time!
shlomifAnd be virtually rich.
shlomifAnd then you can virtually bribe virtual politicians.
shlomifAnd buy a lot of virtual goods.
SjorsThen, I’d be virtually happy
SjorsToo bad... :P
shlomifIt’s a virtual win-win situation.
shlomifYou can hire many virtual programmers to write a lot of virtual code for KMess.
shlomif"My old virtual dad used to say to me: ‘virtual money does not bring you virtual happiness, my virtual son.’"
ChannelShlomi Fish and Sjors
TaglineVirtual money.

Top vs. Bottom Posting


TDDPirateShlomi_Fish and me engaged in a religious argument - top posting vs. bottom posting.
TDDPirateWhat is your side (Pepy)?
Pepybottom posting
Pepyi guess
Pepywell,guess bottom posting is winning then
TDDPiratePepy: may you be damned, filthy heretic! TOP POSTING IS THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE WAY ! ! ! !
Shlomi_FishTDDPirate: you are past redemption, you archangel of evil!
TDDPirateShlomi_Fish: not to speak of your vile and wicked bottom posting ways!
Pepygo go bottom posting
Shlomi_FishPepy: that’s the way to go.
TDDPirateThe way to go - if you want to be DOOMED! TO! ETERNAL! FIRES! OF! HELL!
Shlomi_FishTop posting is for the weak and timid! I will challenge all top-posters to a Batelath contest for undermining the HONOUR of the entire Klingon race!
TDDPirateDon’t dare to defile the honor of the honorable Klingon Race by dragging them into this argument!
PepySujatlh ‘e’ yImev TodSaH!
Shlomi_FishPepy: nice klingon.
Pepythanks shlomi
TDDPirateIs this Klingon? And if yes, what does this mean?
Pepyyes it is
Pepyand it means “shut up geeks”
Shlomi_FishPepy: I may be a geek, but I’m a true klingon geek-warrior!
TDDPirateNice use of the language, Pepy.
Shlomi_FishAnd a true Klingon geek warrior ALWAYS bottom-posts.
Pepyno no,true Klingons have power to change quoted tops
TDDPiratePepy: do you mean that Klingons have the power to defile and make filthy of sacred E-mail messages?
Pepyno,but they’re used to “edit” history
Pepyah, when they ask me how the hell I managed to write so good band propositions
PepyI’ll tell em,the secret is to chat with geeks about top vs bottom posting
ChannelShlomi Fish, TDDPirate and Pepy
TaglineBottom vs. Top Posting.

FOSS Versioning


d3xbtw, you can do mplayer -dumpaudio -dumpfile file.mp3
d3xno need to reencode
rindolfThis -dumpfile is a nice trick.
rindolfIs it new?
rindolfI wonder when mplayer will hit 1.0 already.
rindolfAll the stuff I saw told me to use WAV and then encode.
d3xmplayer and 1.0? i'm not really sure it's their goal
rindolfThey will stay at 1.0RC-foo forever?
d3xalthough i would be glad if they had some sensible versioning
rindolfAt the moment perl-Mojolicious is at 0.999924.
rindolfAt least perl-Moose hit 1.00
rindolfWithout any substantial changes from 0.99.
rindolfBut you've got to upgrade somehow.
rindolfperl-Moose is MDV/RH notation, but I like it.
d3ximo it's just stupid not to release 1.0
rindolfI dislike libmoose-perl
d3xwine did so and now they have normal versioning
rindolfThough most of my CPAN modules are sub-1.0.
rindolfI think except for one module (where I used 0.2.0 0.4.0 and eventually hit 0.8.0 and had to go to 1.000) all my 1.0 and above modules are adopted.
d3xthey are sub-1.0, but they are not 0.9.999.2010.03.11-rc5
rindolfOne of them used the CVS revisions as versions.
rindolfd3x : LOL.
rindolfd3x: can I quote you on that?
d3xi say it's stupid to make releases up to 0.9.something and then not to release 1.0
rindolfI collect quotes on my homepage.
d3xsure you can
rindolfAt the moment I have freecell-solver-2.42.0
rindolfBut I hope the new release will be 3.0.0
d3xthe one that was bought by freecell enterprise? :D
rindolfI've left GNOME and gtk+/glib behind.
rindolfd3x yes.
rindolfFreecell Solver Enterprises™ Inc.
rindolfAh, so you've seen that.
d3xyes, you posted a link on #debian
rindolfYou should add a digest to the version.
rindolfIn case you're using git or hg.
Channelprivate conversation
Taglined3x and Shlomi Fish (rindolf) about FOSS Versioning

Not a bug on #offtopic on OFTC


rindolfsarnold: you go to OGI?
sarnoldrindolf: no; but my boss and a co-worker are professors there, and other co-workers earned degrees there..
rindolfsarnold: OK.
mulisarnold, have you got one of those pesky things?
sarnoldmuli: just Bachelor of Arts .. no Masters or Ph.D...
rindolfsarnold: B.Sc or B.A.?
mulirindolf, Bachelor of Arts is B.A.
rindolfmuli: I know. But I was just checking.
sarnoldrindolf: ah, you’re right, B.Sc.. I chickened out on the language requirements :)
rindolfmuli: see?? LOL.
mulirindolf, sometimes, two bugs cancel each other.
rindolfmuli: wisely spoken.
rindolfBut mine wasn’t a bug - it was a sanity check.
TaglineNot a bug

#ruby-lang and #ruby


rindolfHi all.
rindolfWhy are there both #ruby and #ruby-lang ?
erikhsome questions
erikhyou know
erikhthey're best not asked :)
rindolferikh: "The first rule of the fight club is you don't talk about the fight club."
erikhpretty much.
raggino, you punch them in the face until they get the message
erikhraggi: haha. hi man.
JudofyrThe first rule of #ruby-lang is you don't talk about #ruby.
Tagline#ruby-lang and #ruby

How to market your Rails Book?


Radarand on a completely unrelated note
rindolfRadar: I know it's rehearsed, but I prefer reading dark on bright rather than the opposite.
rindolfRadar: let me see if there's an alternate stylesheet.
Radarrindolf: Command+Option+Control+8
rindolfRadar: I'm not on a Mac.
Radarrindolf: then whatever the shortcut is for you to invert your screen.
rindolfRadar: Firefox 4.0 on Mandriva Linux Cooker on an old P4-2.4GHz.
rindolfRadar: yeah....
rindolfRadar: that way XChat and Pidgin will be in technicolour.
workmad3Radar: so, once you've gotten Rails 3.1 in Action out, are you going to be going for Rails 3.2 in Action on Windows?
rindolfWell, I applied a no-stylesheet.
Radarworkmad3: Rails 3.2 in Action on Windows(r) 7(tm) actually.
workmad3Radar: I'll reserve my copy now :D
rindolfRadar: good luck with that.
rindolfRadar: will the book be available online for free view/download?
workmad3rindolf: a windows book? for free?
workmad3are you crazy???
rindolfworkmad3: Windows?
rindolfworkmad3: it's about Rails.
Radarrindolf: no it will cost money
rindolfRadar: ah, OK. :-(
workmad3Rails 3.2 In Action on Windows(r) 7(tm)
workmad3it'll cost big bucks!!
rindolfworkmad3: heh.
rindolfUltimate Premium.
RadarYes, I'm going to spend a year of my life writing a book and then release it for free, yay
Radarhow about no?
workmad3Radar: don't forget the Enterprise Rails 3.2 on Windows In Action 7(tw)
workmad3you can charge double for that one... it has enterprise in the title!
Radarworkmad3: how did you know about the third installment of the trilogy?! only Yehuda and I know of that
workmad3Radar: I'm really yehuda in disguise
workmad3dammit... I should have waited 25 mins to reveal that...
rindolfRadar: well, I'm now working on an EPUB of but DocBook/XML is giving me some grief in generating a valid EPUB.
rindolfI think I'll fix the EPUB manually.
rindolfI'll have to study the EPUB format.
rindolfRadar: it's a story - not a technical book.
rindolfRadar: - this took me several years to work on (well not 100% of the time) and it's mostly CC-by.
workmad3rindolf: who'd pay for stuff on perl though? :P
rindolfworkmad3: you'd be surprised.
workmad3rindolf: I doubt it
rindolfworkmad3: I think chromatic's latest "Modern Perl" book was a smashing success.
workmad3my sense of surprise has been surgically removed
rindolfworkmad3: even though it was available online the whole time.
rindolfworkmad3: but Perl is a bit passé and established.
rindolfRadar: people will torrent your book/etc.
workmad3also, I think I need to colour my sarcastic text differently
rindolfworkmad3: ah, OK.
workmad3or maybe just my non-sarcastic text
rindolfchromatic did an awesome job.
workmad3would probably be easier
rindolfUse <sarcasm> ... </sarcasm>
workmad3too much typing
rindolfHuman XML.
rindolfWrite an IRC client macro for that.
workmad3I'll just put <nonsarcasm> when I'm not being sarcastic
workmad3assume that previous one was escaped
rindolf1+1 = 2. [citation needed]
rindolfI like this channel.
rindolfBut I admit I'm not big into rails.
workmad3it doesn't like you
workmad3it's looking at you funny
workmad3muttering under it's breath
rindolfMost of my sites are hosted on something which I don't care what it runs or alternatively static HTML sites.
rindolfworkmad3: :-)
rindolfI'm so making a fortune out of this conversation.
rindolfworkmad3: have you ever considered being a stand-up comedian?
workmad3rindolf: nah... I'm too lazy
rindolfworkmad3: ah.
workmad3rindolf: if I could sit down while doing it, I'd be a millionaire :P
rindolfworkmad3: heh.
rindolfworkmad3: more like a milliardaire.
Taglineworkmad3 drives Radar and rindolf mad.

Aleena’s Little Perl Boys


Diablo-D3So anti-womans rights douchebags.
rindolfDiablo-D3: well, I don't know too much about how feminism relates to the global women-lib movement.
rindolfI do know I kinda hate feminazis, which I consider a subset of feminists.
Diablo-D3It's a bunch of women who are pissed than other women are getting dicked more often than them.
rindolfDiablo-D3: heh.
Diablo-D3So they "hate" men, but secretly want to be tied to a bed and boned repeatedly.
Lady_AleenaDiablo-D3, please don't lump me in that group.
Diablo-D3Lady_Aleena: thats up to you, not me
Diablo-D3I do not create feminists, I only laugh at them
rindolfLady_Aleena: I don't think you're a feminazi.
rindolfLady_Aleena: you're really cool.
rindolfLady_Aleena: at least on IRC.
Lady_AleenaThanks... :)
Lady_AleenaThough I still want to break a guy's fingers.
rindolfLady_Aleena: and don't take what Diablo-D3 says seriously.
Lady_AleenaI try to keep an open mind.
Diablo-D3rindolf: hey now
rindolfLady_Aleena: well, you or I can want to kill some people and it's OK as long as we don't actually do it.
Lady_Aleenarindolf, NOT kill, maim.
Diablo-D3any woman who tries to take away the rights of other women should be flogged in the town square.
Lady_AleenaOne can not change the mind of the dead.
Lady_AleenaHowever, one can change the minds of the maimed.
rindolfLady_Aleena: in one of my stories (still work in progress), the protagonist wants to punch her boyfriend, but she knows better than that and so just goes away frustrated.
rindolfLady_Aleena: let me translate that part to English.
Diablo-D3rindolf: thats boring!
rindolfDiablo-D3: :-)
Lady_AleenaShe should have kneed him in the nuts.
rindolfDiablo-D3: maybe she should shoot him with a bazooka.
Diablo-D3Clearly the chick should hit the guy, the guy should hit back, and then they should have wild sex.
rindolfDiablo-D3: it's in public.
Lady_AleenaUH! S&M!
Lady_Aleenarindolf, the best place.
rindolfDiablo-D3: it's actually an anti-thesis to a lot of Hollywoodian stuff.
rindolfLady_Aleena: to have wild sex?
Lady_Aleenarindolf, sure, why not?
Lady_AleenaA dom makes her sub perform sexual acts on demand, no matter the place. If insufficient the sub is flogged.
Lady_Aleenas/A dom/A dom, with no inhibitions,/;
* Lady_Aleenagiggles.
Lady_AleenaI think I just sent 2 men running for their mommies.
Diablo-D3no, we're too busy fapping.
Lady_AleenaGood little perl boy…
Diablo-D3evil Lady_Aleena
Lady_AleenaBad perl boy, no cookies...
* Lady_Aleenais now known as Mistress_Aleena
rindolfMistress_Aleena: heh.
* Mistress_Aleenalaughs.
rindolfWell, that scene continues.
rindolfIn the balcony.
rindolfThey end up making out.
rindolfI can translate more I guess.
Mistress_AleenaNo need.
rindolfMistress_Aleena: maybe you should be Madame_Aleena
* Mistress_Aleenais now known as Madame_Aleena
rindolfI wonder if I should make a fortune out of this conversation.
rindolfIt's a bit Rish instead of PG-13ish.
Madame_Aleenalittle rindolf, go for the X.
rindolfMadame_Aleena: X!
rindolfX marks the spot.
Madame_AleenaYes it does, little rindolf.
rindolfMaybe you should be Hotbabe_Aleena
rindolfMadame_Aleena: BTW, did you register Mistress_Aleena and Madame_Aleena ?
TaglineGo for the X.

Star Trek: We, the Living Dead - Katie Meets Moses


Shlomo: Mosheh, remember I told you about Katie?

Mosheh: oh yeah! She looks cute when she’s angry.

Katie: Moses, right?

Mosheh: that’s right.

Katie: well, in case you have any interest in me, I should note that I have a policy against getting involved with people who are 4 times my senior or more.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkStar Trek: “We, the Living Dead”

The One with the Fountainhead: Dinosaur


Ross: I can’t believe he could not tell the other guy wasn’t really a dinosaur.

Chandler: Well, cartoon characters usually have a difficulty seeing through disguises.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkThe One with the Fountainhead (Part 1)

The One with the Fountainhead: Joey Reading the Fountainhead


Ross: You’ve already read it (= the Fountainhead)?

Joey: Yeah [puts the book down]. I was in acting school, and the guys decided to throw a discussion on it. So, I decided that I’ll read the book so I can make a good impression on the ladies if y’know what I mean…

Rachel: Yep, we know what you mean.

Monica: So, did you get laid that night?

Joey: No. I spent the entire night discussing The Fountainhead. [pause] Interesting book.

Chandler: Must have been one of the most stimulating nights of your life.

Joey: Not quite as much as the next night.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkThe One with the Fountainhead (Part 1)

The One with the Fountainhead: Would you write the Fountainhead today the same way?


Joey: Hey, know what we can do, so I can get prepared for the audition? Let’s role-play our own version of "The Fountainhead".

Rachel: Our own version? Why would we want to write our own version of it! This book is great.

The others: "Yes." "One of the best books I ever read." "Can’t get better than this"

Joey: Come on, if you wanted to write it today, would you write the same book?


Phoebe: Well, for one thing: didn’t it bother you that Dominique Francon, the main female character, didn’t do anything in the best years of her life, except like… sleeping with people?

Ross: yeah. All the characters in fact do nothing in the 20’s and 30’s, except maybe build a couple of buildings.

Joey: If you ask me: the book is too slow-paced for the 90’s. I mean, in the 60’s it may have worked but we’re in the information age now.

Ross: Joey, "The Fountainhead" was written in 1943.

Joey: Yeah, but it was still good enough in the 60’s right? OK: our own version of "The Fountainhead" - here’s what I think it should look like

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkThe One with the Fountainhead (Part 1)

Humanity: Civilization


Voice: Earth - the initial frontier. Somewhere in the depths of space, on a remote planet you know as Earth, came up a relatively uncommon phenomenon: Civilization. What it means is that intelligent,

[A text on the screen with a beep - (?)]

Voice: conscious

[A text on the screen with the same beep - (?)]

Voice: Stop it!

[ A text on the screen with a different beep - (!) ]

Voice: Like I said, intelligent, conscious, people formed cities and countries, with a technology that became more and more advanced in time.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkHumanity - The Movie

Rap to the Spam


Mike “The Mouse” House (a.k.a “D.J. Salinger”) was a minor rap artist, and a computer geek when he decided to start selling CDs of open-source software. He turned to spamming to publicise his business, but found out that the spam he sent was trapped by most spam traps. He decided to use the notorious obscured image spam, but since he had a few blind friends, decided to also include an audio recording of a rap song with the spam message.

House received a few offers from his spam campaign, but his real break came when a few enthusiasts of the spam song shared it on the Internet, where it became an instant hit. The song eventually hit the charts and MTV, and made D.J. Salinger famous, who quickly released his first successful album called Rap to the spam, Ma’am!, with such highly acclaimed hits as “Rap to not get trapped” and “He ain’t Nigerian. He’s a Spammer!”.

As a millionaire, House decided to donate some of his money back to sponsoring open-source projects, and has donated 100,000’s of U.S. Dollars to such causes as the Free Software Foundation, Linux International and SpamAssassin. “If it hadn’t been for them, I wouldn’t have made it big”, he said, and said he’s now working on a second album with a similar theme.

AuthorShlomi Fish
Work“Spam for Everyone” - The Internationl Campaign for Accessible Spam

I promised, I forgot…


I promised, I forgot, I did not keep my promise — just shoot me, and get on with it!

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Original Philosopher


An original philosopher knows the right combination of ideas to steal.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

To err is human


  • To err is human - to apologise - divine.
  • To have bugs is human - to fix them - divine.
  • To have bugs is human - to find them - divine.
AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

I might be mad


I might be mad. But I’m a mad genius.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

If God exists…


If God exists and is the ego-maniacal, sadistic and helpless creature that is described in the Old Testament, then we’re in deep trouble.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Mathematical Riddle


Sophie: Let’s suppose you have a table with 2^n cups…
Jack: Wait a second - is ‘n’ a natural number?

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Significance of Being 18


A kid always wishes they were older until they are 18. Afterwards, they always wish they were younger.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Sorting the Dishes


Shlomi’s Father: If you don’t sort the dishwasher, the dishwasher won’t be sorted.

Shlomi: No, it won’t be sorted by me.

Shlomi’s Father: No, it won’t be sorted at all. We will throw away the dishwasher.

Together: Along with all the dishes.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection

Your Programming Language Must Suck


All languages of the world suck. If you require people to declare variables (like in Pascal, C, Scheme or Perl 5 with strict), then people will tell you they like variables to spring up upon first use. Without variable declarations, then you get various weird side-effects of the implicit scoping. If you use curly braces for scoping, then you’ll have to type more and there’s more clutter. With indentation-based scoping (like in Python), you’ll find it hard to introduce multiple-expression lambdas.

Rob Pike and Paul Graham hated object oriented programming (OOP) and so they didn’t introduce it in their “Go” and “Arc“ languages, well after OOP has become mainstream. And guess what? Many people, including me, think that OOP is still a good thing (and no, in my opinion, C++ did not do OOP very well) and so gave up on Arc quickly and did not look closely at Go.

Dynamically typed languages (like Perl 5, Python, Ruby, or Lisp) possibly suffer from many subtle errors ; Statically typed languages (like Haskell) are less expressive and it seems that about one third of the language design papers published on Lambda the Ultimate are about various funky extensions to the Haskell type system to allow for better expressiveness.

Purely functional languages have no assignment and most people find them harder, in part because the world around us has a lot of state, and they also need to do funky compiler tricks to make you feel like you don’t need assignment. Non-functional languages have side-effects and so are prone to many errors.

If you have goto or goto-like statements (such as exceptions or Perl 5’s “last LABEL;” (more like “break” in C) or “next LABEL;”), then you encourage code to not be factored correctly. If you don’t have such stuff, then programmers will hate you for having to go through many hoops to write quick-and-dirty code.

Perl 5 has a dedicated regular expression syntax which is treated magically by the parser. PHP and Java use strings for them, and require weird escaping and backslashing rules to interpolate the sub-regexes inside them. And if you incorporate a first-order syntax for regular expressions, then people will want similar first-order syntaxes for XPath, for XML (like some recent versions of Visual Basic .NET have), and for all other grammars you may need to embed.

Finally, many people absolutely hate all the clutter created by the leading sigils of Perl 5 (the "$", "@", etc.), and similar languages, but they allow for much better backward compatibility, facilitate the so-called “interpolation” (= embedding inside strings), and also give some important visual cues when skimming code (even without syntax highlighting).

You are damned either way, whatever you do.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkYour Programming Language Must Suck

How many Wikipeders Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?


  • 1 User to start a article.
  • 1 editor to tag it with the “No original research” template. (Without giving a reason)
  • 3 users to find citations for the article.
  • 1 editor to claim it violates the wikipedia “Neutral Point of View policy”. (without giving a reason).
  • The original user to ask why he thinks this way on the talk page.
  • 5 users to find occurences of changing a light bulb in popular culture.
  • 1 anonymous user to correct an “it’s” to “its”.
  • 1 editor to revert it.
  • 1 editor to revert the revert because it was a real typo.
  • 10 users to rant in the talk page that Changing a lightbulb is not notable enough.
  • 10 Wikipeders to start similar articles in French, German, Spanish, Catalan, Esperanto, Ido, Hebrew, Klingon, Mandarin Chinese, and other languages.
  • 10 more people to periodically keep the articles in sync with the English version.
  • Starting the cycle again on the localised wikipedias.
  • 1 Person to argue that the article should be merged into the main article about the inventor of the lightbulb.
  • 5 People to argue on the talk-page who the inventor of the lightbulb was.
  • 1 Person to start a wikiquote page about changing lightbulbs.
  • 1 Person to add it to wikibook.
  • 4 persons to gradually delete content the section about “choosing a good chair” until it only reads “choose a good chair.”
  • 1 person to write it again.
  • 1 deletionist to remove the article due to all of its perceived problems.
  • 3 months from now:
  • 1 different user to feel the absense of the Changing_a_Light_Bulb article, create it and start the cycle all over again.
AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkHow many Wikipeders does it take to Change a Light Bulb?

Shlomi Fish on 13 May 2009


As expected from the latest trend in the Perl blogosphere this post will be about Roles. And Moose! And Roles in Moose! And Moose in Roles! And Roles outside Moose…

Seriously now, this is a post about a completely non-Moosey and non-Roley script I wrote to filter the master journals' feed.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkMeta: Script to Filter the Master Blogs' Feed

Russian Cuisine


rindolfHi all.
LeuthihiO HAI rindolf
rindolfLeuthihi: HAI HAI.
rindolfLeuthihi: what's up?
Leuthihirindolf: I'm hungry!
rindolfLeuthihi: there's one antidote for it.
rindolfLeuthihi: it's called Food.
rindolfLeuthihi: </bolt>
Leuthihiwell, but what food?
Leuthihiand I need coffee
Leuthihioh, I think I know what I'll have.
benwbrum_chez_soChili. A big bowl of red, with crackers and onions on the side.
rindolfLeuthihi: does it matter?
VolisIf it has to be some cuisine.
VolisDid I spell correctly?
rindolfVolis: spell what?
Volisoh yes.
rindolf"cuisine" is spelt this way.
rindolfIt's a French word I think.
rindolf.ety cuisine
la_fen"1786, from Fr. cuisine 'style of cooking,' originally 'kitchen, cooking, cooked food' (12c.), from L.L. cocina, earlier coquina 'kitchen,' from L. coquere 'to cook' (see cook (n.))." -
rindolfOK, originally from Latin.
Volisnevermind. Which cuisine is the best?
VolisIn general
rindolfVolis: I like many cuisines.
GvidonRussian, of course
rindolfVolis: though most of the ethnic food is actually poor men's food.
rindolfGvidon: Russian cuisine?
Gvidonrindolf: Yes
Leuthihiwell, yes, because I need something to eat to be able to eat it.
rindolfGvidon: what does it feature?
VolisRussian cuisine lacks flavour.
Gvidonrindolf: Vodka
rindolfGvidon: ah.
LeuthihiIn Soviet Russia, food tastes YOU!
rindolfGvidon: I didn't know Vodka is nutritious
rindolfLeuthihi: :-)
VolisIn Soviet Russia, They no longer use this meme. :P
LeuthihiVodka has plenty of calories at least.
rindolfGvidon: and I don't consume Alcoholic beverages in any quantity.
rindolfVolis: :-)
LeuthihiVolis: because: In Soviet Russia, meme uses You!
rindolf«In Soviet Russia, cats own you. Oh wait! They own you everywhere.»
VolisConsidering the fact, i'm still underage. Please change the topic.
rindolfVolis: underage?
rindolfVolis: ah, you cannot drink?
VolisIn Soviet Russia, left keeps you. Always.
Volis"Dear fellow driver, let left be for communist crap only"
Volisrindolf, Rules of the world.
TaglineRussian cuisine

E-mail, web feeds…


E-mail, web feeds and doing something productive — choose two.

AuthorShlomi Fish Post

Wasting Time


The worst way to waste your time is to never waste it.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkUnarmed but Still Dangerous Post

I’m Hungry Today


Sophie: I’m hungry today.
Jack: well wait until tomorrow - maybe this feeling will pass.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

We agree…


We agree. But do we agree to agree?

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

sed and awk…


sed and awk make me sad and awkward.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

linuxguy101 about Windows 8


linuxguy101sebsebseb: i thought you were abducted by windows 8
rindolfsebsebseb: hi.
linuxguy101rindolf: windows got him
rindolflinuxguy101: if you say so.
linuxguy101he is trying to find that icon in windows 8 that has irc on it
linuxguy101average users it usually will take a day or longer
linuxguy101it is a productivity enhancer
rindolflinuxguy101: heh.
linuxguy101rindolf: you must get windows 8
linuxguy101it is an experience in windows you will never forget
rindolflinuxguy101: why?
linuxguy101rindolf: it is like windows me and vista combined with a bunch of retarded programmers who cant speak the same lang
linuxguy101it is jaw dropping
rindolflinuxguy101: sounds fascinating.
linuxguy101i expect Microsoft will earn some rewards on this os
linuxguy101like longest boot time.. Hardest os to use by a human. And most compatible os with itself ever made.
rindolflinuxguy101: :-)
linuxguy101rindolf: you must switch to something less useful and more productive like windows 8
linuxguy101think of the hours you could spend on windows 8.. remember it is retro
rindolflinuxguy101: retrofitted?
linuxguy101rindolf: yes.. down to 2 or 4 colors.. steve balmer in a cocaine brain storming meeting with the developers decided to move to a gui that was un pattoned so they invented retro.. simple and stupid colors a 4 year old child could barely read or draw
linuxguy101he called it retro
linuxguy101clearly a first in computing history
rindolfNow I get the joke.
rindolfMetro is Retro.
linuxguy101oh it is no joke.. just wait for windows 8 lack of sales prompt stever balmer to shove it down into the updates for windows 7
linuxguy101on a side note, did you know that linux is becoming more popular now days?
linuxguy101i dont know why..
linuxguy101rindolf: you really should try windows 8
linuxguy101at least virtual box it..
rindolflinuxguy101: maybe I should, but I'm not going to shell out money for the experience.
linuxguy101Warning!: using windows 8 may cause massive hysteria, laughing and vomiting in some cases..
linuxguy101the first time i used windows 8 i laughed uncontrolably for several hours and almost wet myself
TaglineWin 8, Lose 9

The English Wikipedia


The English Wikipedia: now you don’t see it - now you do.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

Chat in #objectivism about Publicity


rindolfHi all.
rindolfsrogers: hi, what's up?
srogerswork, mostly
srogers"one of those days"
rindolfI'm enjoying my unemployed status.
rindolfAnd after all that hospital thing is behind me, I'd like to go to and set up some events where I read from my writings/etc.
rindolfTo gain some esteem.
rindolfI contacted an Israeli publisher about publishing some of my stories and/or essays, but they didn't return to me after more than a month (which is their designated limit).
rindolfAnd after reminding them on the phone, I gave up.
rindolfWell, I'm not going to sit idly and expect recognition to come to me.
rindolfMaybe I'll use some of my Project Wonderful money to gain some publicity.
rindolfI could try publicising some of my works on various sites such as
srogersYeah - promote yourself
rindolfsrogers: yes.
rindolfsrogers: I think that was the main mistake of Howard Roark in The Fountainhead.
rindolfHe should have worked more on publicity.
srogersha - if only he had Facebook . . .
TaglineBringing the mountain to Muhammad

Chat in #gnu about Domains, FOSS and Wikipedia


mroutWho likes freedom?
rindolfmrout: freedom++
Younosjust give me my beer
rindolfYounos: heh.
rindolfNo beer for you!
Younosaww :o(
mroutI’m in non-freedom mode atm actually, using Windoze
mroutfor teh gamez
rindolfmrout: OK.
mroutbut when I restart into Linux I respect the freedoms of myself and others
rindolfmrout: OK.
Younosyou should respect it regardless of the platform
rindolfmrout: maybe try reporting it as a bug in WINE/etc.
rindolfmrout: the GNU project encourages FOSS developers to port their software to non-free platforms.
rindolfThough there was a small backlash about it (at least for Windows) a while ago.
mroutrindolf: I sure hope it does. if we can encourage users to try FOSS software on non-free platforms, they might more easily learn about FOSS and about how to protect their freedoms
rindolf - I provide a Windows binary for this. :-)
mroutMany users don’t even know they can get software that respects their freedoms.
rindolfalfplayer: well, don't know if encourage, but it doesn't hold a stand against it.
rindolfalfplayer: and a lot of GNU software can be built fine on Windows (And proprietary UNIXes).
alfplayerrindolf: that's very different imo
alfplayerrindolf: yes, like gcc and emacs
mroutbtw is rms ever on here? He gave a talk at my local university a few years ago, and I never got a chance to talk to him.
rindolf - also see this.
rindolfmrout: I don't think he uses IRC.
rindolfmrout: he also doesn't use a graphical web browser.
rindolfmrout: though he does read the web sometimes.
mroutrindolf: i haven’t installed X yet, so neither do I. haha
rindolfHe commented on a few pages on my site.
rindolfWhen he visited Israel, I told RMS that I felt making Freecell Solver Public Domain (now it's MIT/X11L) was appropriate given its target audience, and he said he thought making it GPLed would encourage more users of programs that used it to make them FOSS.
rindolfHe also said it was OK that (now did not release their backend as free software.
rindolfmrout: ah.
rindolfmrout: well, I think he doesn't even use links or lynx or Emacs' www-mode.
rindolfmrout: yes.
rindolfmrout: they changed their name and domain.
mroutwho are they? NEVER heard of them
rindolfmrout: - it's a nice way to discover some interesting software.
rindolfmrout: they are a web-directory for UNIX software.
mroutdo they host it?
rindolfmrout: no.
mroutquite unlike something like github, then?
rindolfmrout: just link to it.
mroutwill try to remember that
rindolfmrout: also see
rindolfmrout: not everything there is FOSS.
mtjm explains his Web use
rindolfmrout: and not everything is there.
rindolfmrout: but I try to publicise most of my major software there.
mtjmIRC would need a constant network access which is difficult when travelling (and needs much mor e time than batch mail writing)
rindolfWell, most of the software published there is either niche or quite boring.
mroutrindolf: Freecell Solver on freecode is the first result
rindolfmrout: for what?
mroutthat google search
mroutI fail to see a problem
rindolfmrout: well, thing is there are other Freecell solvers.
rindolfmrout: and what I said is that I clog the search.
mroutOh, I see what you mean
mroutthat’s a good thing for you, though
rindolfmrout: lots of junk like FreeBSD/Debian/Ubuntu/Mandriva/Mageia packages.
rindolfmrout: that's what I call the freshmeat effect.
rindolfI get as the first hit. :-(
rindolfDamn bubbling.
rindolf - here (no bubbling) I get the wikipedia Freecell page as a first hit.
mroutrindolf: bubbling?
mroutI get NZ results
rindolfmrout: NZ?
mroutrindolf: where are you from?
rindolfmrout: Israel.
mroutNew Zealand.
rindolfmrout: but is hosted in .
rindolfI used to host it in a small Israeli hosting provider but they were too unreliable.
mroutI asked, because i expected it to be US, and so I’d say “I know what US stands for, but you don’t know what NZ stands for? Shame on you.”
rindolfmrout: I know that .nz is New Zealand.
rindolfmrout: but didn't understand the initialism in the context.
rindolfmrout: some Americans think .il is Illinois.
rindolfAnd .ca is California.
rindolfWell, there's also .la.
rindolfAnd .tv.
mrouttv? that must be for tezdikistan. >.>
rindolfmrout: no.
mroutthat was a joke
mroutI know it’s not for television stuff lol
rindolfmrout: OK. domains are free.
mroutWoo tokelau
* rindolfwonders if there is .fs.
rindolfThere should be a country called .if so I can register shlom.if
rindolfSomeone registered ;-)
rindolfNot me, though.
rindolf - no .lf either.
rindolfWe need more countries.
mroutI wish there was a .ut
mroutso I could get mro.ut
rindolfmrout: ah.
rindolfWell, I can register
mroutI already have (that’s my dad’s actually) and (mine)
rindolfmrout: ah.
rindolfAre top-level .nz domains available?
mroutyou can’t get, no
mroutor >.>
rindolfOK. domains are kinda costly and they used to require faxing.
rindolfAnd I don't feel my domains are particularly Israeli-related.
rindolfWell, I originally got
rindolfBut its DNS was flaky.
rindolfSo I ended up buying
mroutwhat’s your actual name?
rindolfNow I also have
rindolfmrout: Shlomi Fish.
rindolfmrout: is free DNS.
rindolfBut I guess you get what you pay for sometimes.
rindolfmrout: it's not .eu (European union).
mroutthat site’s odd
mroutwhat’s wrong with .eu
mroutshit a brick, they want a separate ccTLD for
rindolfmrout: nothing is wrong with .eu - it's just that is something different. predates .eu.
mroutit annoys me that the US doesn’t use .us more
mroutand clutters .com
rindolfWell, there's also .gov, .net, .org...
rindolfmrout: I also have
mroutit’s pretty americo-centric
rindolfCould not get because my domain registrar did not have it. is my own custom (and private) URL shortener.
rindolfSome overzealous spam filters blocked it.
rindolfAh, domains.
rindolfThe bread and butter of Internet conversations.
rindolfI know someone who has
rindolfWell, from the Internet.
rindolfAnd there's also which is Dan Bernstein.
mroutdomains, vim vs emacs and hello_there vs helloThere. is cool
rindolfmrout: and tabs vs. spaces.
mroutbut hard to type
mrouteugh is hard to type
mroutspaces, vim, hello_there or HelloThere, but never helloThere.
rindolfSince I have and want to create a site for Vim beginners, I should get a good domain. or does not look good.
mroutwhat about
rindolfmrout: maybe I'll get
rindolfI think is already taken.
mroutby one of those shitty domain hoggers
rindolfHeh. is available. \o/
mrouti’d love
rindolfNot that I want it.
mrout$17/yr for
rindolfOK, I registered and
rindolfOn .
rindolfI figured most people won't "guess" ;-)
rindolfSo I'll have and
mroutwhat about
mroutbegin-site seems a bit clunky
rindolfmrout: rindolf is only my IRC nickname.
rindolfmrout: and I already have
rindolfmrout: I don't see why most people will STFW for "rindolf" or "shlomi fish" or whatever.
rindolfMost of the people come to my site using more generic searches.
rindolf - first hit !
rindolfmrout: search the fab web.
rindolfLike RTFM.
rindolfUsing Google, Duck Duck go, Bing or whatever.
mroutfucking web, I assume
rindolfmrout: true.
rindolf - this was deleted because it was not notable enough. F****king deletionists.
mroutthey deleted your user page?
rindolfmrout: no, only /wiki/Freecell_Solver
rindolfmrout: access the link - it's there.
rindolfJust not visible on default searches.
mrout“lacks references showing notability” you mean apart from the fact it’s the top google result for Freecell Solver? FUUUUU wikipedians
rindolfI restored it before it was deleted.
rindolfmrout: - some people on #wikipedia (or #wikipedia-en) told me this may not be notable.
rindolfThere are a zillion pages about it.
rindolfAnd Wikipedia covers almost any other Solitaire variant.
mroutlol, fucking wikipedia
mroutarticles about every steeple in Italy, but not about ever solitaire variant
rindolfmrout: also about football players.
mroutyour article should be restored
rindolfmrout: yes, maybe.
mroutI’d almost be convinced to do it myself
rindolfmrout: are you a wikipedian?
mroutsort of
mroutI have an account
rindolfmrout: well, I added the [[Freecell Solver]] link.
rindolfHoping someone will fill it in.
rindolf - there is a cursory mention of it there.
rindolfmrout: this section was deleted previously because it was not "Encyclopedic enough."
rindolfmrout: that Wikipedian had tons of complaints against him on his user talk page.
rindolfmrout: - this used to be about the Perl developer (and co-author of several books).
rindolfNow it's about an olympic athelete.
rindolfWell, I added that page, and people enhanced it, but then it was deleted. :-(
mroutnot even an olympic athelete
rindolfmrout: ah, yes, just world competition.
mroutdidn’t even place
mroutcompared to an author and developer of one of the most popular programming languages
rindolfOh well, Wikipedia.
rindolfThe worst encyclopedia in the world except for all others.
* galex-713slaps mrout
galex-713Wikipedia is perfect!
* galex-713hides
Tagline#gnu stuff

Life is Hard


rindolfHi all.
rindolfFROGGS , moritz , hoelzro , Juerd : hello! What's new?
moritzeverything with a new enough timestamp
FROGGSrindolf: nothing
rindolfmoritz: heh.
FROGGSI assume rindolf doesnt meant -Inf :o)
timotimomoritz: feel like reviewing/merging ? froggs and me both spectested it :)
* rindolfunleashes his inner Sarah Michelle Gellar to kiss moritz for his inventive avoidance of saying what he is up to.
rindolfFROGGS: I’m old enough to remember the invention of the Camel.
FROGGSrindolf: well, if you want to know what we are up to you may ask that
rindolfFROGGS: “When I was your age, Jennifer Lawrence was called Sarah Bernhardt”
rindolfFROGGS: moritz will always find a way to avoid it.
rindolfFROGGS: unless threatened.
rindolfFROGGS: or sweet talked.
FROGGSand today is my first day off, and on wednessday starts the german perl workshop, so still stuff to prepare
rindolfFROGGS: nice.
rindolfFROGGS: prepare hard! Enjoy hard! Rest hard!
rindolfStep 4: profit hard!
rindolfStep 5: retire hard!
timotimoStep 6: die hard!
rindolftimotimo: LOL.
TaglineHe who lives hard, dies harder

Is Buffy Kosher?


I recall discussing Buffy with a Jewish American friend, who used to be secular, and now has become an observant Jew, and married a woman who properly converted to Orthodox Judaism, and they have some children. We discussed the fact that Sarah Michelle Gellar was Jewish, and yet that many men (and some Lesbian women) were more attracted to Alyson Hannigan’s character, Willow Rosenberg, who was a shy and sheepish, redhead, Jewess. Then when I mentioned that Hannigan was only a maternal Jew, he said she is “kosher” (because someone whose mother is Jewish and who did not convert to a different religion, is a bona-fide Jew). I found it amusing that you refer to women by the same word as you do to food, but I think the ancient Hebrew word "kasher" also means "approved", "appropriate", "legal", etc.

In any case, both Hannigan and Gellar are now married, and so trying to separate between them and their husbands is not kosher. ;-)

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkPost to the /r/buffy subreddit

Selina Mandrake - The Slayer: The Three


[ There are three young men dressed as Klingons who fight with Bat’leth in the park. Selina is passing by and shakes her head in disapproval. The three notice Selina, and quickly run to her. ]

Warrior #1: Hail The Slayer, we are but your humble slaves!

Selina: [Shocked] And who might you be?

Warrior #1: We are The Three - three vampire brother warriors, who have been fighting since the dawn of time.

Selina: And you are Klingons…

Warrior #2: We can assume any form.

Warrior #1: Yes, we can fight using any weapon, and we are masters of them all.

Selina: so you can fight with something that’s not a Bat’leth?

Warrior #1: Of course, for example, we could fight using the Huge Sword!

Warrior #2 and Warrior #3: Yeah, the Huge Sword!

The Three: [in unison] Huge Sword!

[ Warrior #1 snaps his fingers, and some of these ridiculously large swords from World of Warcraft appear on the ground. ]

Selina: Wow, can you fight using them?

The Three: [non-dramatically] Eh, eh, we cannot lift them.

Selina: Guess not. [Puts her palm on her eyes.] Maybe try something smaller and not as heavy.

Warrior #2: Yes, smaller.

Warrior #3: And not as heavy.

Warrior #1: You're not thinking about the smallest… yet deadliest weapon for a mighty vampire warrior… the wooden toothpick!

[ The three cry “yeah”. Warrior #1 snaps his fingers and the huge swords are replaced by small wooden toothpicks. ]

Selina: Toothpicks? Have you blokes been watching too much Sesame Street?

Warrior #1: Why, of course! Every mighty Klingon warrior has watched Sesame Street.

Selina: Mighty Klingon vampire warriors who have watched Sesame Street… this decade royally sucks!!

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkSelina Mandrake - The Slayer

David vs. Goliath: David as a Hacker


The Israelites and the Philistines schedule a large battle. The Philistines have far superior equipment with armours made out of iron, which the Israelites don’t have. Eventually, Goliath, a tall Philistine giant, steps forward and asks for an Israelite man worthy enough to fight him and determine the fate of the battle (something which was quite common in the ancient Near East). It seems the Israelites will lose the battle.

Out of nowhere, a young Israelite boy whom hardly anyone knew about steps forward with a sling and a few pebbles. Goliath thinks this is ridiculous and ridicules him. However, the boy quickly puts a pebble in his sling, and after rotating the sling to achieve a very large velocity (not unusual with slings) hurls the pebble with great accuracy (also not unthinkable, because shepherds in the Near East effectively used slings to kill lions and other predators to their flock) into Goliath’s face, which was uncovered to allow him to see. Even if Goliath’s shield bearer wanted to, he could not lift the huge shield in time, and Goliath was completely not agile in his suit and armour. The sling’s rock smashes Goliath’s brain, and he falls to the ground dead. The Israelites have won the battle.

That boy’s name was David.

Why is it important here? Because David was a “hacker”. Why was he a hacker? Because he knew the rules, and played by them, but knew how to bend them, in order to earn his victory. Hackers bend the rules.

And here’s the thing: this is what an action hero is all about: he makes his own rules, or he even breaks them, and does not accept his fate. This is whereas a tragic hero is bound by many invisible rules, and accepts his fate, which is, almost certainly going to be death.

And in real life, you should also aim to be a hacker or an action hero, or the many phrases it used to be called.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkSummerschool at the NSA

Star Trek: We, the Living Dead - “Too much of a Good Thing”


Worf: Commander Dax, I explicitly prohibit you from asking about Mr. Q’s roles as a husband and a father.

Jadzia: You are right, Commander. I’ve realised something: throughout this whole trip through the wonders of the Q continuum I’ve been far too selfish and only thought about myself. I should have thought about you, too.

[She turns towards Avigayil]

Jadzia: Avigayil, could you, by any chance, allow us to meet Kahless the Unforgettable in his living dead self, I’m sure Commander Worf here would love to meet him.

Worf: Actually, Commander, I don’t think…

Jadzia: [Interrupting him] Oh, you don’t? That’s a shame. Well, I’ll go meet him alone (always wanted to, you know). Worf, I think Kahless will be disappointed not to meet you, but I’ll tell him you’re a big fan of his, and I’ll let you watch the video of me meeting him and…

Worf: [Sighs] Commander Dax, you are impossible.

Worf: Fine, let’s go meet Kahless if that’s humanly possible.

Avigayil: Sounds good. The whole mission from Deep Space Nine can go with you, I’ll notify Kahless. He’s a big fan of a lot of you.

Amanda: OK, let’s summon Katie and her gang of no-goodnicks too. She wouldn’t want to miss it.

Quark: Yes, and it’s high time we merged the two sub-plots in the future movie. “Too much of a good thing is a bad thing. But only for your customers”. Rule of acquisition No. 172.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkStar Trek: “We, the Living Dead”



abbait's thrax!
abbafuck, this place is quiet now
rindolfabba: SHOUT!! SHOUT!!! LET IT ALL OUT!!!!
rindolfThese are the things I can do without.
abbaCOME ON!
thraxatronshh abba i'm observing
rindolfabba: I'm talking to you.
abba<3 tears for fears rindolf
thraxatronwasn't that a disturbed song
* abbafacepalms
thraxatroni had that album
rindolfabba: :-)
abbasure, disturbed may have covered it
* rindolfis listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd - Sweet Home Alabama.
abbabut that's like saying creep is your favorite Korn song
thraxatronit is though
rindolfKid Rock’s (All Summer Long) is also good.
thraxatronalso i really like 99 luft balloons
thraxatronby Goldfinger
abbaDancing queen by Wing
rindolfthraxatron: heh.
abbai have no idea why i listened to that whole thing, i'm never going to get that time of my life back
thraxatronholy shit all summer long is five years old
thraxatronwhat am i doing with my life
dean0beach boys title of the same is much older.... :(
dean0...fortunately I'm not quite that old
* abbamourns for his youth
abbaMe neither, but I did like the Beach Boys a lot as a child
dean0yah me too
TaglineDo the song of life

Wikipedia Deletionists Don’t Die


Wikipedia deletionists don’t die. They lose notability and get deleted.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

It’s kinda…


It’s kinda, sort-of… pretty much… quite… awesome I tell you - awesome! Got it? It’s kinda awesome!

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection



Shlomi Fish: Whenever you spell “JavaScript” with a lowercase “s” (and a capital “J”), God kills a kitten.

Joel Crisp: Whenever you use JavaScript on the server, God kills a datacenter.

AuthorShlomi Fish and Joel Crisp
WorkFacebook Post (originally via Twitter)

Two Kinds of Fools


There are two kinds of fools. One says, “This is old, and therefore good”.
And one says, “This is new, and therefore better”.

John Brunner, The Shockwave Rider

Two more kinds of fools. One says: “This is popular, and therefore good”.
The other says: “This is good because it’s not popular”.

— Shlomi Fish (though may not be a 100% original sentiment).

AuthorShlomi Fish and Joel Crisp
WorkFacebook Post (originally via Twitter)

Shlomi Fish’s “That’s Why” Response


That’s why I feed my leprechaun every day — because there are not enough phonemes in Navajo to tell him to get his act together and find a job.

— Shlomi Fish‘s response to “Above All That is Random 5” when asked “That’s why… what?”

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkComment on “Above All That is Random 5”

How are flying unicorn ponies called?


ZetaNetai wonder, if one day, developers will lose the possibility to write code no one else can understand.
ZetaNetaIf CPUs will start running interpretable code
rindolfZetaNeta: you can always obfuscate code.
rindolfZetaNeta: nothing guarantees that a code will be readable.
ZetaNetayeah, thats why i wish people will lose the ability to write unreadable code
rindolfZetaNeta: and there's also which compiles from C/C++/ObjC/etc. to unreadable JS.
rindolfZetaNeta: how will you guarantee that?
ZetaNetaI cant. Thats why i wish
rindolfZetaNeta: have you heard of the ?
rindolfZetaNeta: it may be impossible for a computer to do.
rindolfZetaNeta: if not for a human too.
rindolfZetaNeta: don't wish for the impossible.
rindolfZetaNeta: unless you'd also like to wish for pink flying unicorn ponies who drop candy.
ZetaNetaI dont like pink, unicorns, ponies, candy and dropping stuff.
rindolfZetaNeta: it's an idiom that means that you want something that can't easily be achieved.
rindolfZetaNeta: or something Utopian or unrealistic.
ZetaNetawell... thats already way too offtopic
* seaappears and has cake!
* seadistributes cake
[TheFlash]maybe you meant a cross between a unicorn and a pony?
* rindolfeats the free-as-in-speech cake.
rindolfAlso zen cake - no calories.
rindolf[TheFlash]: they exist in /My Little Pony/ - ♥
seaThose actually are pegasus ponies.
seaUnicorn ponies don't fly.
seaThere are some unicorn pegasus ponies, though
seaLike princess Luna
rindolfsea: yes.
rindolfsea: isn't Princess Celestia also a Unicorn Pegasus Pony?
rindolfWell, this isn't #bronies
seaYeah, they're called an 'alicorn' officially now
rindolfsea: ah.
seaAlso, starting with the last episode of season 3, Twilight Sparkle is an Alicorn too
rindolfsea: I don't remember who she is.
rindolfsea: - ah , I see.
rindolfsea: yes, I know who she is (naturally).
rindolfOK, on topic.
rindolfZetaNeta: it's probable that people (or software programs) will always be able to write other programs that other people will find hard to understand, so don't wish for it to happen.
rindolfZetaNeta: you might be able to find a device that will change the laws of logic, but I find it unlikely.
rindolfWell, find or develop.
ZetaNetarindolf, Well. I have some ideas
rindolfZetaNeta: ideas?
ZetaNetaIn my understanding, there is no logic.
rindolfZetaNeta: what?
* ZetaNetadont wanna talk about it
rindolfZetaNeta: you don't think there's logic?
pehjotaTIL that sea is a brony. They're everywhere!
rindolfpehjota: heh.
* ZetaNetadoesnt like to mix software with philosophy, to avoid long conversations he anyway probably gonna lose
rindolfZetaNeta: well, programming is based on maths and logic.
ZetaNetarindolf, "Because you are so sure about it"
rindolfZetaNeta: what?
* ZetaNetadoesnt like to mix software with philosophy, to avoid long pointless conversations
seapehjota: What's TIL?
rindolfsea: Today I learned.
pehjotasea: Today I learned.
pehjotaHa :)
seaHaha, your nicks both have the same length
seaso it looks like a duplicated line
rindolfsea: jinx!
* seagrabs everything made of wood and hides it
rindolfZetaNeta: anyway, the Halting Problem which is part of theoretical CS, and has an easy-to-explain informal proof, casts many doubts about a machine's (or a human's) ability to detect whether code for an arbitrary Turing complete VM is easy to understand or not, and so you might as well forget about it.
rindolf<pehjota> TIL that sea is a brony. They're everywhere! ==> not sure how useful of a fact it is.
pehjotarindolf: It was a tongue-in-cheek remark. :)
TaglineBrony talks, pony flies

Summer Glau vs. Chuck Norris


rindolfHi all.
Buckethi rindolf
rindolfLately, I have been thinking that maybe some of the Snowden leaks are actually the "achievements" of maniacal minds ( ) and don't work well in practise or at all.
rindolfProbably most of the NSA workers are either depressive, maniacal or schizophrenic by now.
rindolfAlthir: awesome.
rindolfIs Bucket a bot?
Bucketno, I'm a folk singer
Althirferret: Is Bucket real?
flyingferretCertainly not.
barometzYou're all just imagining Bucket, then
rindolfHeh, heh.
rindolfI'm not real either.
rindolf«For all you know, you may not exist and Summer Glau convinced you that you do.»
rindolf(Originally said about Chuck Norris.)
AlthirI'd let Summer Glau convince me I'm alive.
rindolfAlthir: heh.
rindolfAlthir: I don't need to be convinced of that.
rindolfAlthir: would you let Chuck Norris convince you that you're alive? ;-)
rindolfI wouldn't , but not sure I can resist.
Althirrindolf: Chuck Norris only convinces people they are deceased.
rindolfAlthir: heh.
rindolfAlthir: what about SGlau?
AlthirChuck Norris convinced Summer Glau to kick arse.
rindolfAlthir: a true warrior brings life - not death.
AlthirI think you misunderstand warfare.
rindolfAlthir: destroying is easy (*cough Atilla the Hun *cough Genghis Khan) - value production is much harder.
TaglineNorris ain’t got nothing on her…

#reddit: Great Poetry


rindolfhome: you're no longer being funny.
homerindolf: you are being an asshole now
homerindolf: I want my $4 of games
homeor else I will be unhappy
homeif you want to preach about finding happiness, but the not act upon it, then so be it
homebut my happiness at the moment is begging others for a $4 game
rindolfhome: do you want me to put you on /ignore ?
rindolfhome: you seem dense.
homeYeah, when the times get tough
homepeople just ignore each other
homeI see how it is
homeyou can't keep ignoring people forever
rindolfhome: where do you live?
Weaglein his....home.
homeI live in Ontario, Canada
homesorabji5252: hi
homesorabji5252: are you a preacher too?
WeagleLebron James is pretty good
Weaglebut Ive yet to see him save earth from aliens.
Weaglelike Michael Jordan did
sorabji5252a preacher? not in the sense you mean probably
Weaglehe's a monk
Weaglei shave his head daily.
* sorabji5252offers his head to be felt by others
homeyou guys are so gay
rindolfhome: nice.
homenot sure you realized what you just said
rindolfhome: is it lovely there?
rindolfhome: is it boring?
homeit's not nice here
homeI hate Canada
sorabji5252i try not to be crude -__-
rindolfhome: then why not move?
rindolfhome: California! Florida!
WeagleBermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama
rindolfMaybe the Carolinas.
rindolfWeagle: Israel!
Weaglekey largo, montego, baby why dont we go down to mexico
Weaglewe'll get there fast cuz Weagle takes it slow
rindolfWeagle: heh.
rindolfSpain ....
Weaglethats where we wanna go, way down in Kokomo
rindolfWeagle: you're a talented poet.
Weaglei took it from some of the greatest poets to ever live.
WeagleThe Beach Boys
rindolfWeagle: heh.
rindolfWeagle: that's heavenly poetry.
rindolfWeagle: Bialiq was a pretty good Hebrew poet.
rindolfWeagle: there's some good poetry in the Hebrew Bible too.
rindolfWeagle: Isaiah 40 is lovely.
WeagleI'm really not interested.
frauheimerhey guys.
frauheimerreddit huh. cool!
rindolfWeagle: OK, sorry.
homefrauheimer: what
rindolffrauheimer: yes!
homefrauheimer: can you buy me $4 of games?
homerindolf: ^
frauheimerhow do dis
sorabji5252o my
rindolfhome: go to hell!!!
sorabji5252rindolf: i don't know how to read poetry. it seems nice though :D
rindolfhome: just live me alone.
frauheimerhome show me how
homefrauheimer: okay
rindolfsorabji5252: it sounds better in the original Klingon.
homescroll down
rindolfsorabji5252: s/Klingon/Hebrew/ naturally.
rindolfsorabji5252: a lot of the Bible is prose though.
sorabji5252i've read a lot of the bible
rindolfsorabji5252: someone I know read the whole thing several times.
rindolfHe also read the Complete Shakespeare.
sorabji5252many people i know have done that. it's a thing
rindolfsorabji5252: yes.
rindolfsorabji5252: I've temporarily given up in exodus - it's too intense.
rindolfsorabji5252: too antiquated.
sorabji5252it's very serious. and it rarely lets up
rindolfsorabji5252: yes.
rindolfsorabji5252: I did read /A Suitable Boy/ cover to cover. Wonderful book.
sorabji5252o my, that's awfully long
sorabji5252i think /Brothers Karamzov/ is the longest novel i've read
rindolfHeh, heh, they are discussing guns on #reddit-mlp
rindolfMy Little Pony ponies with guns!
sorabji5252what's the mlp for?
sorabji5252o, dear
rindolfsorabji5252: My Little Pony.
sorabji5252bronies. i do not understand this one.
rindolfsorabji5252: I bet there's something like what I described on the Internet.
rindolfsorabji5252: I cured someone from an attack of using a technique I learned from an MLP episode.
rindolfThis is some great Television.
sorabji5252rindolf: that's crazy man
rindolfsorabji5252: :-)
rindolfsorabji5252: reportedly, someone once saved a man's life using a technique he saw on /Bay Watch/.
rindolfsorabji5252: this is crazier.
rindolfsorabji5252: maybe there's a good reason for everything in this world.
sorabji5252nah, things just happen
homerindolf: there is hope in this world
frauheimera bit
homefrauheimer: I see :P
rindolfsorabji5252: "There are no coincidences" --
rbarrybot[ Oogway - Kung Fu Panda Wiki, the online encyclopedia to the Kung Fu Panda world! ] -
rindolfhome: true.
Weaglepeyton manning
rindolfhome: people are now saying about facebook what they said about Socrates... ehmm - about Television.
rindolfhome: ;-)
sorabji5252rindolf: a radio host i like doesn't believe in coincidence
rindolfhome: in Hebrew we have a saying "We survived Paroah - we'll survive this."
frauheimerwhats Paroah
rindolfsorabji5252: he may be right.
rindolffrauheimer: the big king/god of Egypt.
frauheimeroh yeah
frauheimerwhat an asshole
rindolffrauheimer: there were many of them.
rindolffrauheimer: last one was Cleopatra I think.
rindolfWell, there were other Macedonian Princesses called that.
sorabji5252i suppose it's all cake after pharaoh
TaglineThere are no coincidences…

#xkcd: Programming Languages’ Sex Talk


Bucketrindolf: I already had it that way
ephphathatime to kick aliens into orbit
rindolfIt's not a failure, it's a motivation to improve.
njsgrindolf: failure is always an option except when your goal is to fail
njsgrindolf: except in bed
BucketI get great sex, except in bed.
rindolfnjsg: heh.
rindolfnjsg: in bed? Do you mean I make mistakes while sleeping?
rindolfnjsg: "What is your favourite position? CTO!"
WaltherFailures in bed mean you have sex that isn’t type-safe; otherwise you would catch the errors at compile time
rindolfWalther: heh, LOL.
Waltheralso, Haskell<3
njsgI have a lipht, my sex has no separate compile time
* Waltherhas changed the topic to: It's programming language + sex hour at #xkcd! | SCOTUS says [corporate] religious freedom trumps equal benefits for women in 5-4 ruling, FML | Weekly Coffee Appreciation Day | It's put The0x539 in bucket hour! | mint hour | (association football) | knockout talk time | Ch
njsgwasn't there an UI toolkit called "sex"?
SirCmpwnI once wrote an assembler called .orgASM
SirCmpwn(.org is an assembler directive)
bhuddahmaybe we should invent the scripting language "innuendo"
rindolfWalther: Haskell Sex!
rindolfWalther: - see also this on #perlcafe many years ago.
njsgbhuddah: for inno setup, sounds like a good name
Waltherrindolf: wonder if that can be pure, or just an IO action
Walther(if you know what i mean)
tomatosaladSirCmpwn: rcombs is always talking about libass
bhuddahnjsg: and you get exactly what you asked for.
njsgHaskell Sex is great, but you don't remember any of it on the next morning, because it has no state
rindolfWalther: with Lady_Aleena who became Mistress_Aleena and Madame_Aleena.
SirCmpwntomatosalad: well, yeah
rindolfnjsg: heh, LOL.
SirCmpwnhe's an irrational wizard
rindolfnjsg: you crack me up.
rindolfnjsg: maybe we need something like Smalltalk sex with a persistent VM.
rindolfSqueak FTW!
njsglisp, as one of the only languages which can truly return multiple values, is the only way to have true multiple orgasms as a result of sex
rindolfHeh, someone I know will get the kick out of this conversation.
Waltherrindolf: :'D
rindolfGeek pseudo sex-talk.
WaltherStateless sex could be a bit difficult to reach though, as it'd require a REST api, and you just might fall asleep
rindolfnjsg: heh.
rindolfWalther: heh.
WaltherOTOH clean, stateful sex should be easy, with SOAP
rindolfWalther: SOAP! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* Waltherputs stateful sex with a SOAP in Bucket
* Buckethands Walther another serving of rat oh vah in exchange for stateful sex with a SOAP
rindolfWalther: /me runs away in the opposite direction. No amount of sex is worth having to deal with SOAP.
rindolfThere are some things even I won't do for sex.
njsgrindolf: just have sex over TCP, looks like a good protocol
rindolfAnd SOAP is one of them.
njsgcrushes are UDP, love is TCP, sex is SOAP over HTTP
Waltherand then there's the weird kid with the gopher
rindolfWell, I refuse to get paid to write Java enterprise software - .
rindolfnjsg: heh.
njsgat least nobody mentioned COBRA yet, others would go all OMG

If Ayn Rand was born in the 1990s…


If Ayn Rand was born in the 1990s, she would be Christina Grimmie.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms’ Page

I Love Being Convinced of Being Wrong


I love being convinced that I was wrong before. That way I knew I improved and am now wiser. Like the Klingon warriors say when it happens: “What a great day it was for me to die!”.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms’ Page

Where to find a Good Significant Other


You are much more likely to find a good significant other - with a perfectly sound mind and body - in a Sci-Fi/Fantasy/etc. conference than you are in the middle of the wilderness.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms’ Page

Summerschool at the NSA: My Little Pony Addiction


SMG: Oh, and when it comes to television, she loves watching My Little Pony. She and I watch it almost every week together.

SGlau: Wow, you’re a pega-sister, too?

SMG: I’m not addicted to My Little Pony. I swear! I can quit any time. Just let me watch one… more… episode. [giggles]

SGlau: Hah, hah. For your information, my My Little Pony addicts’ support group meets every second and fourth Saturday of the month, and I am currently at step five of our twelve step program.

SMG: Sounds like a plan. I’ll consider joining.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkSummerschool at the NSA

Summerschool at the NSA: SMG’s Daughter Killing Her


SGlau: Hah, hah. I can imagine the headline: “Sarah Michelle Gellar, who played Buffy the vampire slayer, murdered in cold blood by child daughter.”

SMG: [Giggles] Indeed, the apple did not fall too far from the tree.

SGlau: The apple completely supplanted the tree. The Golem has risen upon its master.

SMG: [Thoughtfully] Yes.

SGlau: Well, I don’t suppose she will murder you literally. You know, the old xkcd number 725 distinction between "literally" and "figuratively".

SMG: Well, one thing I can tell you about parenthood is that such things can progress from figurative to literal, extremely quickly.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkSummerschool at the NSA

Summerschool at the NSA: Who Is The Messiah?


SMG: We’ve got a lot of time for that. OK: it was 1997-1998ish, Buffy started airing and became a cult series. So, one day a group of yeshivah pupils from a local Chabad yeshivah arrived to the studios saying they have some numerological insights from the Jewish bible, about what will happen in Sunnydale next.

[SGlau burst out laughing.]

SGlau: [calms down] Oh my God, that’s the craziest thing I have ever heard.

SMG: Anyway, we played along, and listened to what they had to say, and actually got a few good ideas from that. Moreover, in one of the recesses, one of the Yeshivah pupils asked me out, and I accepted.

SMG: So we went on a date.

SGlau: So you mean like the 1997ish Sarah Michelle Gellar, and a Yeshivah pupil… On a date?!

SMG: Yes! And I actually had some weirder dates as a happy spinster.

SMG: Anyhow, surprisingly, it was a very nice date, I had a great time, and I learned quite a bit.

SGlau: Heh.

SMG: And one thing he told me was that every Jew (as he said) should believe they are the Messiah, which is something I treasured since.

SGlau: So I presume I’m also the Messiah?

SMG: You got it. We are the most powerful people on Earth, and we should aim to bring the end of days.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkSummerschool at the NSA

#reddit: We survived Pharaoh


rindolfsorabji5252: I cured someone from an attack of using a technique I learned from an MLP episode.
rbarrybot[ Schizoaffective disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
sorabji5252rindolf: that's crazy man
rindolfsorabji5252: :-)
rindolfsorabji5252: reportedly, someone once saved a man's life using a technique he saw on /Bay Watch/.
rindolfsorabji5252: this is crazier.
rindolfsorabji5252: maybe there's a good reason for everything in this world.
sorabji5252nah, things just happen
homerindolf: there is hope in this world
homefrauheimer: I see :P
rindolfsorabji5252: "There are no coincidences" --
rbarrybot[ Oogway - Kung Fu Panda Wiki, the online encyclopedia to the Kung Fu Panda world! ] -
rindolfhome: true.
Weaglepeyton manning
rindolfhome: people are now saying about facebook what they said about Socrates... ehmm - about Television.
rindolfhome: ;-)
sorabji5252rindolf: a radio host i like doesn't believe in coincidence
rindolfhome: in Hebrew we have a saying “We survived Pharaoh - we'll survive this.”
sorabji5252I suppose it's all cake after Pharaoh

Selina Mandrake - The Slayer: Mephiqoleth


[ Selina goes to the kitchen smiling, opens the refrigerator’s door and takes out some refreshments and arranges them on the table and then she opens a cupboard’s door only to discover a small human-like demon inside. ]

Selina: Why, hello there! I guess you did not RSVP.

Mephiqoleth: MAGEIA!

Selina: Judging by the recent happenings, I guess that’s me.

Selina: So what shall I write on your name tag?


Selina: Ah, hah. [Trying to write on the name tag.] Emm, Ee, Pee…


Selina: “Leshon Haqodesh”? The holy tongue? Do you mean…

Mephiqoleth: YES!!!… HEBREW! [Non-dramatically] I am Jewish.

Selina: Jewish? But you’re not human.


Selina: Really? That’s great - can I have a Jewish lady-cat? I want one so she can mother cute little Jewish kittens.

[ Cut to Mephiqoleth - he is not amused. ]

Selina: You are not amused, demons are never amused. I should have learned that by now.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkSelina Mandrake - The Slayer

How to Achieve World Domination?


A lot of people think that the proper way to achieve world domination is to create an architecture that will solve the whole world’s problems and then some. We’ve been seeing quite a few of them since Joel on Software wrote this article: Ruby, Google Go, Node.js, Mozilla’s Rust, Clojure, Scala, Perl 6, etc. Some of them have or will mature to something truly nice, or have inspired a lot of features in other languages, but it’s hard for plain-old-single-you to compete with them, and here is something interesting: not too many people want them.

What do people want? Chuck Norris/etc. factoids, lolcats and other captioned images, funny cat videos, parodies of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (♥), photos of attractive (or even not too attractive) men and women, screencasts of games or other programs (including many open source programs), photos of scenery, new and improved recipes for preparing food (and of course - tasty food itself), new, old or renovated jokes, and some interesting tales and anecdotes from your life. And naturally - programs that can will scratch an itch - however small.

Some people told me that my solver for Freecell and other solitaire games, simply called Freecell Solver is useless, but it's not - it's just a niche program. And I received hundreds of E-mails about it. Furthermore, given that Freecell is (or used to be) a big phenomenon in Israel, where many boys and girls starting from the age of 18 found themselves playing it on the Israeli military computers out of boredom, then the fact that I have written a solver for it, has impressed many people I talked with or met, including some attractive (both physically and intellectually) young ladies, and they ended up asking me about how it was written, and which algorithms it employed.

So Freecell Solver was one of my most successful programs, not despite being a niche program, but because of it. Niche programs own. Not only that, but niche everything is great. Many people whom I referred to my stories helped themselves to the screenplay Star Trek: “We, the Living Dead” because it contained Star Trek in the name, and because there are quite a few fans of the Star Trek franchise and worlds.

The more of a niche artwork you write, the more a large subset of those who like it, are likely to pay attention to it, try it out, and enjoy it. For more information, see Eric Sink’s excellent and inspiring essay “How to get people talking about your product”. For example, DuckDuckGo was originally marketed as a search engine by Perl geeks, and for Perl geeks. It was a good marketing decision because the Perl community is small, cohesive and is at a good strategical position to influence other communities. Right now, many people who are not Perl programmers, are using it, as well as, or even in preference to Google, but choosing Perl was a good preliminary strategical decision. We can expect that with the future growth of DuckDuckGo, that it will use more performant technologies than Perl more and more, but it will still owe some of its initial success to starting out as a Perl product.

AuthorShlomi Fish
Work“ANN: My Transition From Software Developer to Writer/Entertainer/Amateur Philosopher/Internet Celebrity”

Scary Thought of the Day


Scary thought of the day: The Princess Bride: the 3-D Remake.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms’ Page

Selina Mandrake - The Slayer: Mephiqoleth Does His Magic


[ Selina is wearing a backpack full of various trip utilities and wears a pouch bag, and approaches the cupboard of Mephiqoleth. She opens it. Mephiqoleth is there. ]


Selina: Yep! Got my traveller’s checks, some dollars, my mobile, my passport, some water, some snacks, some sunscreen. Not sure if all that will help with surviving The Amber, but I can always hope.


Selina: Well, as someone who saw enough of your demons’ lot’s shenanigans, and some episodes of Sabrina, there’s no way I will trust such magically conjured goods.



Selina: Positive. Do your worst!

Mephiqoleth: Fair enough.

[ Mephiqoleth raises his hands and says in Hebrew, as the Hebrew letters (in the modern Hebrew alphabet) appear on the highlighted floor, with a darkened room and the Hebrew letters of the spoken message expand outward. ]

Mephiqoleth: אלוהי אברהם, יצחק ויעקב, שגר את באפי מאגיה, הקוטלת, אל… [ The god of Abraham, Yitzhak and Yaakov, please teleport Buffy Mageia, The Slayer, to… ]

Selina: Whoa.

Mephiqoleth: … האמבר. [ The Amber ]

[ Selina dissolves. ]

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkSelina Mandrake - The Slayer

Selina Mandrake - After History Class


[ The bell rings and many school kids are walking out of the classroom, including Selina. She has an empty hour. As she walks in the hallway, she is sometimes greeted by “Hi, Selina!”, “What’s new?”, etc. and answers briefly. She finds Jessica and Jonathan standing next to Jessica’s locker and approaches them. ]

Selina: Oh, there you are. Hi Jess, hi Jon.

Jessica: Selina! I see you’ve survived History class.

Selina: Yeah, I’ll take it one lesson at a time, I guess.

[ Jonathan hugs Selina from the side and eventually leaves. ]

Selina: So how are you two love-birds?

Jessica: Oh, this and that, discussing computers endlessly as usual.

Selina: [ Sarcastically ] Geeks!

Jessica: Heh, like you’re not a geek too.

Selina: I is!

Jessica: And we is too.

Selina: True.

Selina: This reminds me. I really should update my Mandriva system at home. I have not in several days, now. And to think I originally had my friend Aaron install Mandrake Linux for me, because I thought it was cool that it was called the same as my last name.

Jessica: Heh, maybe you should become Selina Mandriva now.

Jonathan: Or Selina Mageia.

[ Selina bursts out laughing. ]

Selina: That sounds like a name of a vampire slayer… or a vampire.

Jonathan: Or both.

Selina: Yeah. I told you about how I was nicknamed “Puffy” and then “Buffy” during one summer camp, right?

Jessica: Yes, many times.

Selina: Yeah, I found it amusing at the time. For a while afterwards, I insisted that my friends call me “Buffy” until I realised it was silly, and reverted back to “Selina”.

Jessica: Anyway, I’m off to gym.

Selina: Bye, love you.

[ Selina is reading a book and says to herself out loud ]

Selina: Selina “Buffy” Mandrake. The Slayer. I like the sound of it.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkSelina Mandrake - The Slayer

“The Human Hacking Field Guide”: Eve’s Homecoming Queen Campaign


I don’t remember whose idea it was, but we ended up enrolling Eve into the Homecoming Queen contest. When Eve discovered she was on the nominees list, she was a bit upset.

“Homecoming Queen? Me? Why would I ever want to be a homecoming queen?”

“Eve, we thought you could see how beautiful you are, and how much people could like you, if they got to know you.” I answered.

“Hah! Well… oh heck, I don’t have a ready reply. But I’m going to get you guys for this. I really will.” and she started to walk from there. “You’ll see.”

Eve showed up to the homecoming queen nominees roundup, wearing one of her best dresses. When her turn came, she began her speech:

“Ladies and Gentlemen. I don’t know how many of you know me, but my name is Eve Siegel. I urge you to vote for me for homecoming queen, not for your sake, but for mine. I really need you to vote for me, because my entire future depends on it. Seriously.”

“Take a look at my Résumé, for example. ‘Experienced in computers and programming since 1994.’ ; ‘Experienced in Linux and UNIX technologies since 1998’ ; ‘2000-2005 - Debian Packager’, ‘2005-Present - Mandrake Packager’, and more of this vain. Tell me, who will take a second look at this C.V. if it did not say, ‘2005 - Elected as a homecoming queen.’?”

“Now for what I’m going to do if I’m elected. I’m going to erect a gigantic statue of Tux the Penguin, this guy [picture showing on the screen], and also one for Beastie the BSD Daemon, [picture showing] for good measure. I’m going to fight against abusive behaviour toward nerds and geeks, for computer literacy, and… for world peace. What the heck!”

“But all these philanthropical causes are secondary to my egoistical motives of having to win this title for my own good. Thank you!”

She practically brought down the house with this speech. Even Taylor and I could not resist a maniacal laughter. She ended up being one of the five finalists. As the elections were on, Eve started her own campaign sloganed “Don’t vote for Eve!” and gave away pamphlets with nothing but raves about the other four contestants. This also increased her karma considerably.

She wore the same dress during the homecoming queen ceremony, as during the pre-election. As the runner-ups were announced, she was given warm hugs from all-of-them. She ended up being the first runner-up with a margin of only 5 votes to the real winner. She ended up saying she was glad she did not take the title, but I never saw her happier than on that day.

She did not put it in her résumé.

AuthorShlomi Fish
Work“The Human Hacking Field Guide”

“The Human Hacking Field Guide”: Eve’s Newfound Powers


When Eve and I got together to go shopping, we went to a clothes shop. “You know, my newfound powers are intoxicating. Three guys hit on me at school since the weekend, including this really cute Football player.” she said.

“Hmmm… ” I said.

“Are you ladies alright?” the shop’s clerk (Tim, a young and handsome man) approached us.

“Hey Tim!” I said, “I don’t believe you know my friend Eve here.”

“Eve Siegel!” she said and extended her hand.

“Tim O’Brian.” he said and they shook hands. “OK, I’ll be there if you need me…”

Eve followed him with her gaze for a few seconds, and then smiled and went back to looking at the clothes.

“Will you stop that?” I whispered to her.

“Stop what?” she said.

“You’re totally into him.”

“So I’m lusting him a little bit, so what? ‘But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her, hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.’”

“Well, girlfriend, committing adultery in your heart is perfectly harmless and quite rewarding. And I’m not really raping anyone. I’m tenderly making love to them.”

“Listen,” I snapped at her, “Taylor is my best friend, and I swear that if you…”

“I’m crazy about Taylor.” she interrupted me.

“What?” I said.

She changed her pose. “I’m crazy about Taylor. Always have been. I promise I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him.”

“You always have been crazy about Taylor? Why didn’t you tell him that?”

“Come on, have you looked at me then? I wasn’t his type. He always dated these well-groomed girls, who had some sense not to rebel like I did. Hell, he also dated this incredibly dumb cheerleader once.”

“Stacie wasn’t dumb!”

“I was being sarcastic! My point is that he was way out of my league.”

“Oh!” I said and tried to hug her.

“No hug!” she said. “In any case, I’ll do my best to make things work between Taylor and I. And even if they don’t, we’ll remain good friends. The kind of friends who go to movies together, or socialise at LUG meetings, fix dates for each other, etc.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that. Now where were we?”

“Picking clothes.” she said, and after a while added: “You know, we should drop by Radio Shack and get some dolls of Tux and Beastie the BSD Daemon. I totally dig these guys. Oh! And a nice Looney Toons poster. I’d hate to pump money into the MPAA’s lawsuit machine, but I really like Marvin the Martian.”

“Who are you, and what have you done to Erisa?”

“Hey, the makeover was your idea, Jennifer. What have you done to Erisa?” and we both laughed.

AuthorShlomi Fish
Work“The Human Hacking Field Guide”

“The Human Hacking Field Guide”: Taylor and Eve Going on a Date


“Hi Taylor!” we said one after the other.

“Hey guys, ” he said, “what are you guys doing here?”

“Helping Erisa get ready for her date.” I said.

“I’ll get her.” Amanda said, and went up the stairs.

“Don’t you think you look a bit plain for the date?” I asked.

“Well, it’s only a movie and a pizza. Plus, there’s no way on Earth that Erisa is going to look better than I am.”

“Holy virgin mother of god!” exclaimed Jeff. He was looking at the staircase where Erisa stood, descending it slowly. Her jet-black hair was arranged in a ball and a pony tail, shining from the light. Her dark purple dress made her look especially beautiful, and complemented her body. She looked wonderful.

“So, ” she said after she reached the ground floor, shaking her body and extending her hands, “how do I look?”

“You look… ” Taylor said, “divine!”

Erisa thought for a moment and then said: “‘Divine’s good.”

“Here, Erisa…”

“Hey, ‘Erisa’ was the old (and temporary) me. Call me ‘Eve’ now.”

“…Eve! Here - I brought you flowers.” and he handed her the flowers he had.

Eve (!) smelled them, and said, “they smell nice. Mum, can you put them in a vase with some water?”

“Ahhmm… Eve, can we stop by my house and give me a chance to pick up some better clothes?”

“Why?” Eve said, “we’re going to miss the movie.”

“Well, people will look at the two of us and say: ‘she is way out of his league!’”

Eve approached Taylor. “Well, to quote Richard P. Feynman, ” she said as she tied her arms around his neck “‘What do you care what other people think?’ We both know you’re a great guy and I’m so lucky to go on a date with you. Mwaaa…” and she kissed him on the cheek.

“Well, ” he said, “I guess we’d better get going. Bye all!”

“Bye!” we all said. Eve and Taylor left and Taylor gave us a thumb’s up as he left, and we gave him back.

AuthorShlomi Fish
Work“The Human Hacking Field Guide”

A woman is a lady


A woman is a lady even if she is or was a porn actress or a prostitute. Treat her with respect, be honest to her — be a gentleman.

AuthorShlomi Fish



I wear prescription glasses so I may be half-blind, but at least I'm trying hard not to be a complete dick.

AuthorShlomi Fish

#xkcd: Battle of the Charleses


rindolf«Who would win in a fight? Charlemagne, Charles Dickens, Charles Darwin or Carlos "Chuck" Norris? If Summer Glau was the arbiter, she would just kill all of them and declare herself the winner.»
Frowardddickens and darwin would die from being old
rindolfAlso: «Chuck Norris round house kicks doors open instead of using their keys. Summer Glau makes sure doors are open using her mind.»
Frowarddchuck norris would try to do some internet kung fu and fall over and break his hip
thomas0comerChuck Norris is kinda old, can he still even manage a roundhouse?
rindolfthomas0comer: don't know.
XanTDickens would always win by virtue of some rich contact/relative doing right by him.
Frowarddcharlamaaaaaaaagne would rise from his grave as an angry fucked up drunk skeleton and stab everyone
rindolfFrowardd: heh.
SpicyLemonCharlemagne would come back as a Pokemon.
thomas0comerDickens and Darwin would probably either get along well or debate vigorously while Charlamagne cuts Chuck Norris' legs off
diogeneschuck norris once fought bruce lee and now bruce lee is dead!
BucketPost hoc, ergo propter hoc, motherfucker!
TaglineHow Chuck chucked Chucks

Play to Lose


whatsyournamehey rindolf
rindolfwhatsyourname: hi.
rindolfwhatsyourname: what's your name? ;-)
whatsyournamerindolf: i met you a couple of times in #programming years ago
rindolfwhatsyourname: ah, I vaguely remember it and can also grep my logs.
whatsyournamewhat brought you to ##english channel anyway?
rindolfwhatsyourname: you're welcome .
rindolfwhatsyourname: I'm here on autojoin, but often just lurking.
rindolfwhatsyourname: thing is - I cannot sleep yet today - too many high thoughts.
whatsyournamerindolf: I see
rindolfwhatsyourname: do you mind if I share these thoughts with you?
rindolfwhatsyourname: here on the channel?
rindolfAnd he left.
whatsyournamerindolf: i don't mind
rindolfwhatsyourname: OK.
rindolfwhatsyourname: I have a short essay (maybe a Google+ post) called "Play to lose"
whatsyournameWhen did you write it?
rindolfwhatsyourname: where I say that you can learn more from a match/fight/argument/etc. that you lose than one that you won.
rindolfwhatsyourname: I didn't write it yet.
rindolfwhatsyourname: but i'd like to - sorry for being unclear.
whatsyournameplease continue
rindolfwhatsyourname: thing is - it was believed that is the best combat fighter in history, and Chuck Norris is the second best one.
rindolfwhatsyourname: now at the moment Norris is losing quite a few fights, but part of it is due to him being past his prime and with a malfunctioning left leg.
rindolfwhatsyourname: but my pet theory is that many of the new age fighters could have beaten both Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee (who has since passed away unfortunately) in their prime, at least some of the time.
rindolfwhatsyourname: and it's also possible that in this day and age if we take Joe and Martin who are two superb mixed martial artists (MMAs) then it's possible that sometimes Joe will win and sometimes Martin.
rindolfwhatsyourname: moreover, the ancient Hebrew word for fighting or warfare has other more positive connotations : Bread (Lechem), soldering (Lehalchim - as in electronics), etc.
whatsyournameWell, that's very interesting
rindolfwhatsyourname: the root Ch.R.b/bh is reserved for destruction and a sword is called "Cherev".
rindolfwhatsyourname: maybe it's similar to the greek mythology conception of as noble and as violent and destructive.
rindolfwhatsyourname: my point is that there are many other ways to fight aside from combat.
rindolfwhatsyourname: and the fighting I'm really good at is at writing essays, stories, humour, etc. (which also convey serious messages in hopefully amusing ways).
whatsyournamei see
rindolfwhatsyourname: anyway, I decided that I encourage people to tell me why they think my stories sucked.
rindolfSo I can improve in the future.
whatsyournameyou should go about writing it
rindolfwhatsyourname: - someone told me he didn't like that, and after I asked him for the specifics, gave me a detailed analysis, and I realised he was right and improved it.
whatsyournamei'm glad to hear that
rindolfPart of the original problem there was that that Emma Watson expressed herself in a manner that is unfit for an educated and intellectual Britishwoman who, on top of it, has graduated from English Literature from Brown University (which is a prestiguous school.).
rindolfwhatsyourname: Yaakov on #perl said that he forgot how to speak English properly, because he doesn't know which words are common and which are not.
whatsyournamerindolf: what's his native language?
rindolfI have a huge problem with English vocabulary, but maybe it's actually better for non-native speakers of English (Which still sometimes ask me for clarification or "What that words means?").
rindolfwhatsyourname: I think it's English. He's an American religious Jew.
rindolfwhatsyourname: I'm an Israeli secular Jew.
whatsyournamerindolf: I see
rindolfwhatsyourname: I think I'll just prepare a fortune cookie out of this conversation and call it a day.
rindolfI'm too lazy to write a proper essay and people may equally appreciate reading an IRC log.
Somelauwrindolf: Just looking a bit at your essay. "but we decided to give you a chance anyway". Here you miss the opportunity to come up with a good humorous motivation to interview her.
rindolfSomelauw: heh.
rindolfSomelauw: well, I don't feel strongly about it.
rindolfSomelauw: maybe they can say that they figured out it will be good publicity for their firm.
rindolfSomelauw: but thanks!

Be Proud of Who You Are


[ Becky and Chankey are sitting in the library, studying together, and listening to Cimorelli - “When I’m gone” . Faith approaches them. ]

Faith: Hmm... hi kids! That doesn’t sound exactly like Anna Kendrick.

Faith: Whoa, who are all those girls?

Becky: Oh, they are Cimorelli - six sisters who sing together. They are a big hit on YouTube.

Faith: Six sisters!

Chankey: And they also have some brothers.

Faith: Heh, God bless their mother. After my third pregnancy (to twins) I said: “That’s it. No way, José!”.

Faith: I would think their being a big family is part of their charm.

Chankey: Yes, and the way I see it: all the power to them. See: I read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea as a child, and I ended up memorising the English translation and now the French original, because I liked it so much.

Chankey: Anyway, Captain Nemo there, thinks he’s a nobody, which is what “Nemo” means in Latin, but he's not. Thing is: lots of people expressed interest in him due to his various unique qualities, and he kept thinking: “They are interested in tangential stuff, not in the real me. They don't know the real me.”

Chankey: And here's the thing: all these qualities are what make you who you are, and you should exploit them and be yourself.

Faith: Indeed!

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkBuffy — a Few Good Slayers

Shlomi Fish’s Comment on /r/depression


while some people seem to have better talent for some things from an early age (or what you call "age"), many great artists worked hard to acquire it. Furthermore, hard work can and should be a lot of fun, and it's important to also "Have a life" and eat&drink well ("Wine"), enjoy the company of people of any sex ("Women") and have clean , creative, recreational fun, however amateuristic or lame ("Song").

I've started writing about all that in an essay on my site which I called “Putting All Cards on the Table (2013)” and now I wish to combine it, with some newer and older insights into “Putting Many Cards on the Table (2015)” which will likely need to be updated in upcoming years as well.

Like the old (and wise) adage goes: “The best time to plant a tree was 100 years ago. The second best time to plant a tree is now”. What it implies in this context is that the earlier you start honing a skill, the sooner you will become better at it.

Anyway, what I suggest you do is go outside and socialise more: talk to people with dogs ("Hi! Nice dog! How is he called? How old is he? What kind of dog is it? What's your name? What do you do?") , interesting shirts, tattoos, etc. Also - make sure to talk to shop clerks, shop vendors, waiters/waitresses, barmen, baristas, etc..

One thing I learned from is that "Everyone can cook", or do most other stuff that was shown to be possible. Furthermore, contrary to popular belief (action) heroism is about bending the rules, and finding you own unique, resourceful and ingenius, "hacky" way to do things like David used a sling to shoot goliath instead of using a spear to fight him and most likely dying. My essay has a section about why David was an action hero and a "hacker", in a broad definition of the word.

Another advice I can give you is to accept the fact that you're depressed and be content. It's OK to be depressed, like this episode of Simsons illustrates: . Also, one of the the best ways to be happy is to be content with what you have and who you are and accept and love yourself. "He who has more is not happier than he who is content with less.".

Finally, I've recently been tweeting a lot (see my feed at ) about Darwinian Fitness which I believe is manifested in humans in (sexual) attractiveness, a.k.a: "hot"ness (which is not the same as beauty and I believe is more important), and which has a very good and positive correlation with competence a.k.a what Marx referred to as "able" in his “From each according to his ability, to each according to his need” slogan.

Now, this fitness/attractiveness is not the same as the so-called Physical fitness and as I contemplated on a tweet, « , , or can get more and better dates when in a cranky mood, than the buffest obscure female body builder/"fitness" competitor on a good day.», and that's because they are more (biologically) fit. Moreover, in British slang "fit" came to mean a sexually desirable MOTAS regardless of how athletic he or she is.

If you still want to lose weight then I suggest following my variation on Maimonides' advice for dieting. Namely:

  1. Eat well, and eat what you feel like and want to.
  2. Don't eat in haste - eat in comfort and enjoy your meal.
  3. Eat according to the stomach - not according to the eye.
  4. Eat until you're 75% full - not until you're 100% full (and can't eat another bite).
  5. A bit minor, but my father kept eating food along with extra bread, so he'll feel more full, but I think it has an adversary effect.

Finally, there was this Slashdot feature which claimed that most men and women claimed that their male relatives were more intelligent than their female ones, and I believed the problem is that men and boys tend to be more confident than women and girls (or used to at least), and that implies taking more chances, being more sloppy, allowing yourself to make mistakes, and accepting the fact that some people will dislike you. After a while, I saw this music video by Christina Grimmie which has the very same theme, and this pet theory of mine was reinforced: .

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkReddit /r/depression Comment

#reddit: Third Wave Feminism


rindolfMeow all good felines and canines and alpacas and ponies! What's new?
rindolfmisspwn_: heh, nice captioned image.
misspwn_rindolf, my kid was bitching that i made his sandwich "perfect"
misspwn_had to make meme
rindolfmisspwn_: ah, heh.
rindolfmisspwn_: how old is your kid?
misspwn_he got melted cheese on his face and was mad about it
misspwn_rindolf, he's 5
rindolfmisspwn_: was it hot?
rindolfmisspwn_: ah, nice.
misspwn_rindolf, nope
rindolfmisspwn_: so he's a smart kid?
rindolfmisspwn_: what's his name?
misspwn_he's very bright
misspwn_rindolf, oliver
rindolfmisspwn_: that's good.
rindolfmisspwn_: ah, nice name. Reminds me of Oliver Twist.
rindolfmisspwn_: why did you call him Oliver?
rindolfDoes he likes olives? ;-)
misspwn_hmmm, rindolf he was supposed to be a sophie. well i had it in my head he was going to be a girl. i cried when i found out he wasn't. and oliver just for some reason came to me in a dream
misspwn_oliver lee, it suits him incredibly well
rindolfmisspwn_: ah, I see.
rindolfmisspwn_: the etymology of my name is more complex than this -
rbarrybot[ Shlomi Fish’s Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) List ] -
rindolfmisspwn_: - that's why they named their daughter Phoebe.
rbarrybot[ [tpm] Hello Perlers, The Phoebe has arrived ] -
rindolfmisspwn_: I tend to give my characters Hebrew or other more established common names in my stories.
rindolf - that's the etymology and philosophy behind my "rindolf" nickname.
rbarrybot[ About “Rindolf” - Shlomi Fish’s Nickname ] -
rindolfmisspwn_: does he have middle names?
misspwn_thats neat
misspwn_ah yes, lee is the middle name, i'm sorry
rindolfmisspwn_: ah, I see.
rindolfLee is a very common middle name.
misspwn_it was my grandfathers middle name
rindolf"Lyn"/"Lynn" is also a very common middle name I noticed - typically for girls.
rindolfmisspwn_: ah, OK.
rindolfmisspwn_: do you have any other children?
misspwn_rindolf, nope, i'd like to finish college first
misspwn_sort of a late start in the college game
Oddityhow late?
rindolfmisspwn_: ah, I see. What do you study?
rindolfmisspwn_: my friend had her firstborn when she was in college at 19 or so.
rindolfAnd she graduated from college and now has had two other children.
rindolfAnd a bit recently - her eldest son went to college and impregnated a girl and they live together and he continues to study while raising her grandchildren.
rindolfHe's also very fond of Chuck Norris jokes.
misspwn_Oddity, well i'm going to be 28 in september, i'm studying network engineering
misspwn_my parents keep urging me to have another so they can get a granddaughter, but i have priorities and don't want another child slowing me down right now
rindolfApparently, is 21 but looks about 16. A little kinky!
rbarrybot[ Ariana Grande - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
rindolfAccording to Jewish law a girl becomes a woman at age 12 (and a boy becomes a man at age 13).
misspwn_consider herself lucky for looking young
rindolfmisspwn_: sure.
misspwn_i started getting grey hair at 19/20 years old
rindolfmisspwn_: there was an episode of,_the_Teenage_Witch_%28TV_series%29 where a very old witch, who was a big player, looked like a teenager.
rbarrybot[ Sabrina, the Teenage Witch (TV series) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
rindolfmisspwn_: ah, my sisters and I all have grey hair.
misspwn_aw man that was such a good show
rindolfmisspwn_: one of my sisters whose hair is now darker (blackish) is now colouring it.
rindolfmisspwn_: the other has brighter hair so her grey/white hair doesn't get noticed.
rindolfI don't colour my hair.
rindolfWell, at least it's still growing.
misspwn_i bleach mine blonde but have light brown hair naturally so it's a little noticeable
misspwn_not as dramatic contrast as almost black hair though
rindolfmisspwn_: yes, Sabrina was great. I think I still preferred Clarissa -
rbarrybot[ Clarissa Explains It All - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
misspwn_clarissa was way better
rindolfNot sure anyone remember CEIA now.
misspwn_agreed on that yo
rindolfmisspwn_: yes.
rindolfmisspwn_: Sabrina was funnier, though.
misspwn_clarissa was just edgier
rindolfmisspwn_: I want Melissa Joan Hart to play or voice Katie here -
rbarrybot[ Star Trek: “We, the Living Dead” - Ongoing Text ] -
rindolfAnd it features a talking cat.
rindolfIn my story, Jake Sisko and her character are mutually attracted to one another.
rindolfmisspwn_: the new MJH is .
rbarrybot[ Emma Watson - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
rindolfmisspwn_: many young people today don't know who MJH is.
rindolfSic Transit Gloria Mundi.
misspwn_wait there is a new ?
rindolfmisspwn_: I mean in essence of being a good girl/"beta female"/responsible-adult/etc.
misspwn_oh, *shrug* i really don't get involved with actors and their lives
rindolfmisspwn_: as opposed to the alpha-female/"Bad girl"/insurgent/rebel/etc. (e.g: Jennifer Lawrence or Sarah Michelle Gellar, and all the way back to ).
rbarrybot[ Sarah Bernhardt - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
rindolfmisspwn_: ah, I somtimes get it by infusion.
rindolfmisspwn_: - this is my most burning Sic Transit Gloria Mundi (STGM) project - I hope to make Megan Fox *the* alpha female instead of Jenn Law and more importantly to make Summer Glau the new hacker monarch instead of me.
rbarrybot[ Unarmed but still Dangerous - Finishing Off The Open Content / Web 2.0 Revolution: (#SummerNSA) ] -
rindolfAnd I also want SMG, Chuck Norris & Megan Fox to win all possible awards.
misspwn_my eye candy for a male celeb would be joseph gordon levitt, female would be scarlet johansen
rindolfmisspwn_: ah.
rindolfmisspwn_: isn't Levitt that Third Rock from the Sun guy?
misspwn_i did not like him in loopers or whatever that movie was with bruce willis, nor did i like don jon
Delverbadpeaches, hi
rindolfmisspwn_: ah.
badpeacheshi Delver
misspwn_naughty peaches
rindolfmisspwn_: well, it's Publish or Perish.
badpeachesmisspwn_, what's up?
Delverhi misspwn_ show peaches your wall for ideas
misspwn_badpeaches, watching MST3K and avoiding some math homework
misspwn_how r u bb?
misspwn_badpeaches, oh yeah
badpeachesaww, bb
badpeachesI just got dumped
misspwn_badpeaches, why he/she do dis?
Delverbadpeaches, cheer up. it might be for the best
DelverI'm sorry though if you had your hopes up for a good night
badpeachesaww, thank you enchilado
Delverwe all need a good night
badpeacheshe said "it's me not you"
rindolfmisspwn_: I still haven't finally decided on which actor will play Daniel (= the white soldier in the first guarding station) on SummerNSA. I'm thinking someone with a baby face, maybe
badpeacheshe said we didn't connect
rbarrybot[ Fred Savage - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
misspwn_how long you been dating?
badpeachestwo weeks
misspwn_ah well at least it's now rather than a year later
rindolfHmm... he's Jewish of mixed German/Latvian/Polish/Ukrainian descent.
misspwn_that saves a whole lot of super sad feels badpeaches , that's when you say "yer damn right it's you"
badpeachesyer right misspwn_
* badpeacheskicks some dust
rindolfHis character on The Wonder Years was not Jewish, while the one of his dorkier friend was.
misspwn_besides, i'm all you need
Delverhot sisterly love
badpeachesi'm not asking for consent this time
DelverI've been browsing r/thefapping, are you sure?
rindolfbadpeaches: sorry to hear about your ex.
* badpeachesis now known as FuegoPeaches
FuegoPeachesI'm so mad
FuegoPeacheslike ugh
rindolfFuegoPeaches: don't get mad - get even!
rindolfFuegoPeaches: post his naked photos online!
FuegoPeachesthere's no getting anything
rindolfFuegoPeaches: hire Summer Glau to assassinate him. Using her mind.
FuegoPeachesyou're so stupid rindolf
rindolfFuegoPeaches: I'm just kidding.
rindolfFuegoPeaches: sorry, maybe sulk a little.
FuegoPeachesfuck that
rindolfFuegoPeaches: and it's alright to feel bad. Don't feel bad about feeling bad.
Delverpm if you want to vent
Delverpm to misspwn_ for proper womanly venting
rindolfmisspwn_: are you a girl?
Delversorabji, promises to listen too
Delverrindolf, will write plays about it
rindolfDelver: heh, I may actually.
rindolfI often use material from my personal life or that of friends as fodder for my stories.
Delvernow as men, it is our duty to try to switch the blame to women
Delverkate upton has really big breasts
rindolfDelver: - this is in part based on a couple I know whose husband adopted his wife's last name but I build on it further.
rbarrybot[ debian Pastezone ] -
Delvermy brother chose a hyphenated name with his wife. good idea in my opinion, that is until the kids get married
rindolfAnd also there was this woman on #reddit-judaism who found out she was a descendent of some Normandy Duke or something like that.
rindolfSo it inspired this too.
rindolfDelver: ah.
rindolfDelver: I'll refuse to give my future children an hyphenated name. I wouldn't mind naming them after my wife's maiden name, though.
rindolfDelver: and I'm not changing my last name away from "Fish".
rindolfBeing Mr. Fish is now part of my identity and trademark.
rindolfDelver: Kate Upton? - so it seems - look fake though, but who knows?
rbarrybot[ kate upton - Google Search ] -
Delverrindolf, I don't know. I never heard of her
DelverI don't get out much :(
rindolf - that's her twitter.
rbarrybot[ Kate Upton (KateUpton) on Twitter ] -
rindolfDelver: well, it's her body and her life.
errgnomeousno it isn't
errgnomeousit's my body and life
rindolferrgnomeous: heh.
errgnomeousand I will turn it into bread and wine
errgnomeousthen I will eat it
Delverwe haven't grown beyound the 'meh, pretty but whatever' attitude in the us yet
errgnomeousand drink it
rindolferrgnomeous: :-(
errgnomeousdon't be sad
Delvermostly puritan weirdos and post teen wankery drives it
errgnomeousbe happy
Delverbitter dregs
rindolfDelver: I don't mind being objectified as a sex object by women.
DelverI don't think it's the objectification that would bother people. it's the muttered words, the slut shaming, the wolf whistles. the not taken seriously
rindolfDelver: I'm planning to appear on the cover of "People" magazine one day with the caption "Sexiest man alive".
rindolfDelver: slut?
Delveras I said before, meh, whatevs
FuegoPeachesthank you errgnomeous
FuegoPeachesyou're a gent
rindolfDelver: recently, Miranda Kerr has become a slut-of-sorts-and-damn-proud-of-it. All the power to her I say.
errgnomeousI am?
Delver+1 for errgnomeous
FuegoPeachesyou've made me smile
misspwn_rindolf, i am
errgnomeouswell that's all that matters
rindolfmisspwn_: ah, nice. Are you bi?
misspwn_rindolf, uh no
errgnomeousyes she is
rindolfmisspwn_: ah, OK.
DelverI think the only time that characterization is appropriate is beteween two (or more) intimate partners
misspwn_not that it's a bad thing
rindolfmisspwn_: I'm a little attracted to men, but I'd rather not explore that.
FuegoPeacheskate upton is so hot
misspwn_errgnomeous, if the right woman came alone
FuegoPeacheswant to bang
misspwn_kate upton is a QT
Delvera what?
misspwn_alone would be good, along would be even better
Delveroh sorry. slow
misspwn_a QT.314
errgnomeousi wonder if kate upton is a fan of john denver
Delveryes. I was slow to figure it out
misspwn_john denver in the house
DelverI was reading it too literally
FuegoPeacheswest virgina
misspwn_i lold about that photoshop
errgnomeoustake me home
FuegoPeachesmountian momma
errgnomeousto the place
misspwn_i fling pooooooooo
Delverone of my favorites
errgnomeousi need some milk
FuegoPeachesgo get some
misspwn_you can milk anything with nipples greg
errgnomeousI will go get some
OddityBut I do not produce milk
rindolfmisspwn_: I recently kinda flirted with a young guy who sat with his friends next to an icecream shop. I told him he reminded me of Orlando Bloom, and we all stroke a conversation.
misspwn_go top yourself off with your nips
FuegoPeacheshiya Oddity
rindolfI think I bought icecream there.
FuegoPeachescan we use you as a test subject?
misspwn_rindolf, go get you some hot male love
Delverhuman milk icecream? count me in
errgnomeousdid you know ice cream made from hippo milk is pink
DelverI've always wanted to get what I didn't as a kid (sniff, cries)
errgnomeousit taste like strawberries
rindolfmisspwn_: heh, how about no.
errgnomeousrindolf: you don't like hot sweaty male love?
rindolfmisspwn_: I'll sleep with this boy if you sleep with Jennifer Lawrence and let me watch the sex tape. ;-) Lesbian sex is hawt!
misspwn_rindolf, or or you can just do what makes you happy :P
misspwn_i'm not going to become a lesbian for convenience of others sorry
errgnomeouswhat if eating skittles naked while sitting in a hot tub and watching netflix is what makes you happy?
Delverdo whatever you can get by with. whomever it is. don't be too selective
misspwn_because then i'll have to stop shaving my armpits and become a vegan and read old articles from gloria steinem
Delverit hurts later
misspwn_yeah, you'll end up like joan rivers on life support, and no one truly wants that
misspwn_mine worked
Delverthere are 2 homeless copules and a single woman camping near me
rindolfmisspwn_: heh, so much for stigma.
rindolfmisspwn_: I've met many really cool Lesbians.
misspwn_rindolf, :P stigma is for the birds, son
misspwn_i also have pretty awesome lesbian friends
rindolfAnd I think homosexuality is a spectrum.
misspwn_they aren't all supre feminazi-hambeasts
rindolfmisspwn_: that's nice.
rindolfmisspwn_: that's great.
rindolfmisspwn_: so you'ra a girl who uses the term "Feminazi"? I tend to say "cynical feminism" which is less ambiguous.
rindolfI acknowledge the existence of non-cynical feminism (e.g: My Little Pony).
misspwn_rindolf, for me personally it's the whole 3rd wave feminist movement i cannot stand so the term feminazi seems to fit the bill
rindolfmisspwn_: ah, OKO.
rindolfmisspwn_: how many waves were there?
rindolfWhich wave is Buffy? I cannot remember.
misspwn_well unless it turns into 4th reich, i believe there is only 3
misspwn_rindolf, i don't think your average stereotypical 3rd wave feminist truly appreciates what the previous women have accomplished for them
misspwn_it's a circle jerk of men bashing
misspwn_er i should say truly does not appreciate @ rindolf
rindolfmisspwn_: - apparently Buffy is 3rd wave feminism.
LadyTr0nwhat other circle jerk could you possibly be referring to?
LadyTr0nmen hating on men
LadyTr0nand masturbating
Delveractually it's good to male bash. it's one of the freedoms that women earned
LadyTr0nno bueno
rindolfXena was an awfully feminist (and unrealistic and comical) heroine, but I can retrospectively say she was awesome.
misspwn_Delver, possibly, but i feel some take it too far
Delverof course
rindolfLucy Lawless who played her: 1. Also had starred in some Oceanian porn films before doing Xena. 2. Cried in her wedding.
misspwn_and i'm not oppressed when i make my bf a sandwich either. i like to cook
Delverjust like men take this silly "mens rights" backlash into dumb directions
Delveras long as we find a happy median
Delvertoo bad we only get one life to fuck up
misspwn_you get your all or nothing groups in all categories
Delveror maybe just as well
rindolfLots of people couldn't imagine Xena (the character) crying at her wedding.
errgnomeousactually there's an infinite amount of lives we just don't realize it
misspwn_it's just a shame you have the ones who are the moldy slice of bread in the package
misspwn_it just spreads
rindolfBuffy was a different matter altogether - she cried sometimes.
rindolfmisspwn_: I'm a 37 years old man who can cook only very simple things like pasta - not too politcally correct, I know.
misspwn_rindolf, you get as much you put in
rindolfmisspwn_: recently tweeted about the fact that she started cooking and her Tsculent (with chicken!) looked yumyum.
misspwn_if you only put just the tip in, someone is going to be disappointed
rindolfmisspwn_: yes, my parents and sisters are excellent cooks, but I lack the time and energy for cooking.
rindolfI enjoy eating food (naturally) but don't mind going to eat it in a restaurant.
DelverI ate vegetable straws all evening
Delvermildly nauseated
rindolfmisspwn_: on the plane back home my father and I met a man who couldn't even cook pasta (which I can).
rindolfDelver: ah , maybe eat something else.
misspwn_one thing i've never made and would like to master is beef wellington
rindolfmisspwn_: he was an amazing man though, and resembled both my father and me.
rindolfmisspwn_: ah.
rindolfmisspwn_: my mother doesn't taste the food while cooking it and still usually gets good results. They recently got many good ideas from T.V. or the Internet, etc.
DelverLadyTr0n, keep on hangin in there
misspwn_rindolf, that's me, hasn't really failed yet except for some couscous with spinach that had far too much lemon
rindolfmisspwn_: ah.
misspwn_earthy lemony overload yikes
rindolfmisspwn_: I'm OK with couscous.
misspwn_couscous is great!
rindolfmisspwn_: I prefer rice or pasta or noodles or tabulah or whatever though.
DelverI need some righteous manhate songs ladies. post it!
rindolfmisspwn_: where do you live?
misspwn_Delver, uhhh how about any song with alanis morrisette
* rindolfis not good at knowing how to meet celebrities.
misspwn_rindolf, st louis area
rindolfI met a few software dev/etc. celebs online.
misspwn_i've met richard stallman
rindolfmisspwn_: ah, I was told St. Louis is a boring town.
misspwn_st louis is pretty lively
rindolfmisspwn_: so did I - I also met Larry Wall.
* Delverwill go for the nonirionic 'isn't it ironic' song
rindolfmisspwn_: ah, maybe it became better..
misspwn_rindolf, the ferguson stuff was close to me but it's dying down a lot
misspwn_Delver, what about jewel
misspwn_or diana king diana king
rbarrybot[YT Search] Title: Diana King - Shy Guy | Duration: 4mins 22secs | Link: mc lyte
rbarrybot[YT Search] Title: MC Lyte - Paper Thin {actual video} | Duration: 3mins 46secs | Link:
rindolfDelver: there was an episode of that made fun of it.
rbarrybot[ Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
Delveralso Tori Amos upright citizens brigade ass pennies
rbarrybot[YT Search] Title: Ass Pennies | Duration: 4mins 5secs | Link:
rindolfDelver: who?
rindolfAlanis' "Ironic" song is great though.
DelverI love it
Delvernot a fan of that kind of note shifting
DelverTori Amos, a singer that hits a chord with women and lesbians. she sings about personal stuff, love etc
Delverbig in the late 1990s and early naughties
rbarrybot[YouTube] Title: Alanis Morissette - Ironic (Video) | Duration: 4mins 6secs
* LadyTr0nis now known as MsPeaches
Delvergood, that's easier to remember
rindolfMsPeaches: are you feeling better now?
rindolfDelver: ah, I heard of Tori Amos. She has some good songs.
rindolfand I say it as a straight man. here's to never give up tiffany alvord
rbarrybot[YT Search] Title: Avril Lavigne - Here's To Never Growing Up - CLEAN (Official Music Cover) by Tiffany Alvord | Duration: 5mins 22secs | Link:
DelverI saw her live but I only went in a group
Delverwasn't really for me
Delverbut I appreciate the fact she really had a strong female presence
Delverrindolf, can you please mail me some israeli made machineguns. just label them as machine parts
rindolfDelver: heh.
rindolfDelver: I have no idea how I'll acquire one.
rindolfDelver: and I'm not into guns myself.
Delverjust joking anyway
rindolfDelver: ah, OK.
Delvercool reddit image:
Delverburning man
rindolfDelver: - here Chuck and Summer Glau make extensive use of gunnery. There are some references to them both being texans too.
rbarrybot[ The Muppets Show The Next Incarnation - With Summer Glau and Chuck Norris ] -
Delvernot into slash fiction. telling it to the wrong person
rindolfDelver: - ponies with guns.
rbarrybot[ ponies guns at DuckDuckGo ] -
rindolfDelver: by slash fiction do you mean "fan fiction"?
Delvernot interested in ponies either
Delverairships now. yes!
rindolfDelver: OK, how about cats with guns? ;-)
rindolfDelver: ah.
rindolfDelver: which animals do you like?
DelverI like turtles
rindolfDelver: nice.
rindolfDelver: did you see the latest TMNT film?
Delverno. I give no shits about that
sorabjino fucks to give?
misspwn_not going to watch it either, i don't want to have it ruined like enders game

Selina Mandrake: Learning Hebrew


[ Selina is sitting next to her computer at home with Firefox browsing the Hebrew Wikipedia. She keeps highlighting words and hovering over them to find translations using a Firefox extension.

There is a signal, and the Pidgin icon in the status bar starts blinking. Selina clicks it. ]

Mosheh Ben-Amram: [ on IM ] Hello, Selina! How are you doing, today?

Selina: I’m fine. Trying to contribute to the Hebrew Wikipedia. These Affixes are driving me crazy.

Mosheh Ben-Amram: Heh, עברית קשה שפה, but there are worse.

Mosheh Ben-Amram: האם את מדברת עברית? [ = “Do you speak Hebrew?” ]

Selina: Qtsath, or as new speakers will say Qetsath. Heh.

Mosheh Ben-Amram: Yes, one of the first words you have to learn to say, and it’s already a Shibboleth.

Selina: Emeth. [ = "True." ]

Selina: BTW, are you actually Mosheh Ben-Amram (= Moses) the Hebrew prophet?

Mosheh Ben-Amram: I won’t deny that I am.

Selina: Hah!

Mosheh Ben-Amram: There are quite a few other people called “Mosheh Ben-Amram” in the Israeli phone directory.

Selina: Yes, I can imagine that.

Selina: Actually, judging by recent happenings, learning Hebrew may be the least my problems.

Mosheh Ben-Amram: Anything you’d like to talk about?

Selina: No, I don’t expect you to believe me, anyway. Any more than the amount that I’ll believe you if you told me you were actually the Jewish prophet.

Mosheh Ben-Amram: Yes, well, I have some business to tend to. Good luck with the Hebrew Wikipedia. סעי לשלום - המפתחות בפנים! [ = “Drive safely, the keys are inside.” ]

Selina: Thanks, and let me figure out what you just wrote, heh.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkSelina Mandrake - The Slayer



It’s OK if you forget my birthday, but please don’t forget my 364 unbirthdays. Contact me to say you love me, and every day can be the best day of my life so far!

AuthorShlomi Fish

Infinite Weight


* undead_rattlerhugs rindolf
* rindolfhugs undead_rattler
* undead_rattlercarries rindolf away into the night
* rindolfcannot be carried - he has infinite weight.
undead_rattlerrindolf cannot have infinite weight - that would require being inside of a black hole, or a gravity manipulator that would destabilize the earth.
* undead_rattlerhas infinite muscle
rindolfundead_rattler: heh.
adaedraYou just got SCIENCED.

What people have on their résumés


krator44i am a young university graduate anxious to create new experiences in an innovative environment
zoitei wear cardigans and chucks and i'm eager to work in a trendy abode
tacoinanus_awaykrator44: that reeks of bullshit
tacoinanus_awaydon't put that on a resume haha
tacoinanus_awayEverything you've been saying
krator44it's what everyone has on their resume
tacoinanus_awaysounds like it's a line from a resume
ElmerFUDThat. Wasn't krator44
tacoinanus_awaykrator44: that's why it's bad
ElmerFUDWait. What
krator44it's just the resume side of enterprise jargon
krator44i know a guy that thrives on this language
zoiteI'm a social media expert that yearns for innovative trends in an upcoming establishment
krator44i am a team player anxious to bring new solutions to the market in a high paced start-up environment
zoiteI don't know what pointers are but I can make a mean slide animation
rindolfI am a highly motivated independent team player who is detail oriented and looks at the big picture, and is anxious to create innovative solutions for the enterprise.
krator44thats not bad
rindolfkrator44: but does it scale?
zoiteit's not very agile

The World is Full of People…


The world is full of people, who each have their own personal whims and quirks, and which they expect you to remember and accommodate for, all the time.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

It always works at the end…


It always works at the end. Too bad it doesn't work right at the beginning.

AuthorShlomi Fish’s Relative
WorkAphorisms Collection

Growing Old


Some people grow older and wiser. Not I. I grow older and more foolish.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

What is a lie?


ProfessorBaconthis is the internet? sweet!
rindolfProfessorBacon: the Internet is a lie!
ProfessorBaconyou are a lie.
sikiothe internet is a series of tubes
rindolfProfessorBacon: your statement is a lie.
ProfessorBaconrindolf: lies are lies
rindolfProfessorBacon: the truth is a lie!
rindolf«And truth be told - I miss you. And truth be told - I'm lying.» --
CoJaBoWhat, pray tell, does a Professor of Baconology do?
CoJaBo..i remember that song
rindolfCoJaBo: finds the perfect Bacon recipes!
rindolfCoJaBo: Bacon is a lie!
rindolfCoJaBo: maybe it should be Professor Mr. Bacon like Reverend Mr. Bacon.
TaglineEverything you’ve heard is a lie.

A programming language that will be good for everything


How can you make a programming language that will be good for everything if you cannot even make such a screwdriver?

AuthorAn Israeli Open Source Enthusiast
WorkAphorisms Collection

Understanding Monads


I understood what Monads are for 5 minutes. Then I had to let go of the understanding. It was too intense to be kept inside my head.

AuthorAn Israeli Open Source Enthusiast
WorkAphorisms Collection

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?


Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: It’s not funny!!!

AuthorOmer Zak
WorkFacebook Post

Taking Good Care of a Book


Shlomi’s Friend: You will take good care of this book, right?

Shlomi: Oh, don't worry! I’ll just tear the paper apart, burn it, dip it in sulphuric acid, radiate anti-matter on it, and teleport it to a black hole.

Shlomi’s Friend: That’s it? I do it to it every day.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

How to hide your Perl code


Step 1: Be Clever. Step 2: Use this to write obfuscated code.

Step 3: get fired for writing obfuscated code.

Step 4: Get killed by the maintenance programmer.

Step 5: Burn in hell for a milliard years for writing obfu code.

Step 6: Profit??

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkAphorisms Collection

The Food Chain


rindolfHi all.
yarajuHi rundolf!
yarajuHi orbii!
yarajurindolf* sorry
rindolfyaraju: meow!
rindolfyaraju: how are you?
yarajuUmm.... sqeuak?
yarajuI'm good thanks! :)
* rindolfeats yaraju - what a delicious mouse.
* yarajureincarnates as another mouse
yarajucycle of life, what can I say?
* rindolfgets sick from the food and dies.
* yarajuwaits for rindolf to show up again in some form
* rindolfgets reincarnated as a chimera.
yaraju:D chimera! Kewl!
* rindolfdoesn't remember what exactly a chimera is.
yarajuSome mix of two animals is what I recall
yarajuof more than one animal*
rindolf - yes.
ubnotuTitle: Chimera (mythology) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (at
yarajuForget the adjectives - those change over time. Lol!
yarajubut the fire-breathing sounds kewl!
yarajumakes it easier to cook bbq? :D
rindolfyaraju: heh, heh.
* yarajutransforms into Remi and tries to collect ingredients to mix to get that "Zing" flavor
yarajuAm I the only one here that's seen Ratatouille?
rindolfyaraju: I've seen it too.
rindolfyaraju: nice film.

People who are Certain are often Wrong


A lecture or two ago, when Guy Keren was saying that linux would never ever be a gaming platform i tried to point out he was wrong, and it's actually doing OK, and everyone looked at me like i'm crazy.

Some rules of thumb I tweeted about recently:

  1. If someone tells you something is impossible and you can't do it, it probably can be done.
  2. If someone tells you something will *surely* never happen, it likely can happen.
  3. If someone tells you are an idiot and are definitely wrong, then you probably uncovered an Elephant in the Room and are right. Also see “Encourage criticism and try to get offended”.

In general, people who are sure of themselves are probably wrong, as I am not even sure of the Aristotlean Logic which got us incredibly far.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkPost to the Haifa Linux Club mailing list.

“HP/UX is…”


HP/UX is not a UNIX, and AIX is even less than that.

AuthorAn Israeli Open Source Enthusiast
WorkQuoted from a private conversation.



rindolfPedro: hi, sup?
Pedrosup, rindolf :)
rindolfPedro: I worked on my home site.
PedroIs it good now?
rindolfPedro: added this page - ?
amd64[ “Alternative” Profitable Models for Web-based Commerce ]
rindolfPedro: I hope it was good before but now it is better.
rindolfPedro: perfection is in imperfection.
rindolfPedro: and time is believed by some philosophers to be nature's way of moving from imperfection to somewhat lesser imperfection.
rindolfPedro: because if reality was perfect , it wouldn't evolve.
archmint💯<- what symbol is that?
archmintquiet again. Nothing sad I hope.
rindolfarchmint: i see 100 something and some garbage.
archmintrindolf: what?
archmintoh in the unicode box
rindolfarchmint: on the symbol.
rindolfarchmint: yes.
rindolfPedro: also see
archmintrindolf the goody two shoes reindeer, how are you?
rindolfarchmint: this. MEANS. WAR!!!!
rindolfarchmint: I am an EVIL Reindeer!
* rindolfuses his EVIL Antlers to curse archmint
archmintrindolf, I love you, too.
rindolfarchmint: heh. :-) ♥!
* archmintweilds his wand.
archmintBut if you insist
rindolfarchmint: maybe you can join me on the Evil Reindeer Evil World Domination Evil Conspiracy? ☺
* archmintunEVILizes rindolf
archmintrindolf: Sounds like a plan
rindolfarchmint: I'm protected against anti-EVILisation schemes.
* rindolfeats archmint 's wand.
archmintno one can say I didn't try
ferrosHi Rudolf :)
rindolfferros: THIS. MEANS. WAR!!!
ferrosWhat do you mean?
archmintrindolf: you really are all about that war 'bout that war
* rindolfhits ferros with his "My name is Rindolf, Dammit!" cluebat.
ferrosYou're not Rudolf?
rindolfarchmint: i wage wars.
rindolfarchmint: My War! Mein Kampf!
rindolfferros: Rudolph is one of my two goody two-shoes twins.
rindolfferros: along with Randolph.
rindolfferros: and they are among my arch enemies.
archmintarchmint enemies?
* archminttosses the disk to rindolf
archmintoh hi drug! again for like the third time! :P
drughey minty :)
drugwhats going on
archmintNothing. Just listening to tiny dancer.
archmintcount the headlights on the high way
archmintnot *now* duuuh
archmintdrug: what are you up to?
drugeating a breakfast sandwich and under the cool AC
drugthe heatwave continues
archmintdrug: oh! what part of the world are you in?
ferrosSo what's your name?
ferrosIf not Rudolf?
ferrosI'm sorry, drug
archmintIt is freezing here
drugferros: what for.
archmintrindolf: maybe you are close to me. Wanna hang?
ferrosMaybe you can save up and move to the free world, drug
rindolfarchmint: I live in Tel Aviv, Israel.
archmintrindolf: Oh. I live on the north pole.
rindolfarchmint: ah.
archmintI thought, you know, since your name is rindolf and everything
archmintbut ok
archmintI'd be willing to take a trip to Israel
rindolfarchmint: so you can walk 1km south, 1km east, & 1km north and end up at the same place?
rindolfarchmint: ah, cool.
archmintLabel Israel
archmintgoto: Israel
archmintdam. Madlib shades of blue is definitely his best album. I cannot stop listening to it
archmintIt's like you just fell into the heart of New Orleans
archmintWith a hip hop influence
rindolfarchmint: 50 shades of blue? ;-)
archmintrindolf: - 50
rindolfarchmint: that was a joke.
archmintrindolf: me too
rindolfarchmint: you were supposed to laugh.
* archmintha
rindolfTHIS. MEANS . WAR!!!
* archmintwields a light saber this time
archminteat that
archmintrindolf: draw rindolf the EVIL reindeer eating a light saber :S
* rindolfdrains the lightsaber out of light.
rindolfarchmint: i'm not much of a painter.
archmintdon't you draw things?
rindolfarchmint: very few.
rindolfarchmint: if you mean this - it's not really much -
amd64[ Shlomi Fish’s Art ]
archmintShlomi {XED
archmintthat was a really bad fish
rindolfarchmint: yes, it means "Shalom-ful" in Hebrew.
rindolfarchmint: ah, yes.
rindolfSomewhat better.
archmintprintf "hey terminal_echo\n"
rindolfarchmint: printf-format-string-exploits!
archmint.g printf string exploits
archmint.g bash printf string exploits
rindolfarchmint: heh.
rindolfarchmint: sup?
archmintrindolf: nada mucho. tu?
rindolfarchmint: I wrote an email which I wasn't sure I'd like to send.
archmintrindolf: yea. To me?
rindolfarchmint: no, not to you.
* archmintis sad. no emails
rindolfarchmint: join a few mailing lists.
archmintwell. I had 3. but not from my bff rindolf
archmintThIs. MeAnS. wAr!
rindolfarchmint: what is bff?
rindolfWow! Studly caps.
archmintrindolf: bff means best friend forever
archmintno emails from my bff
rindolfah, yes, i remember it from My Little Pony.
archminthaha. ok.
* archmintsings
archmintbla bla bla bla bla something bla
rindolfarchmint: are you a brony too?
archmintI am not.
archmintrindolf: Do the irc clients automatically translate sentences for us?
rindolfarchmint: they do?
archmintrindolf: I was asking you
archmintalso... madlib stop....
rindolfarchmint: they don't by default as far as I know.
archminthaha 24 dislikes?
rindolfMaybe some do.
archmintrindolf: so you are speaking English?
rindolfarchmint: yes, English.
rindolfarchmint: I know English to an extent.
rindolfarchmint: I can also write in Hebrew.
rindolfarchmint: שלום!
archmintrindolf: Do you speak arabic?
rindolfarchmint: a little.
rindolfarchmint: I learned Literary Arabic for 6 years at school.
archmintMostly English, then? Or, rather, do you spea another language?
rindolfarchmint: but forgot most of my vocabulary.
rindolfarchmint: I talk in Hebrew with my family and Israeli neighbours and friends.
archmintah. I see.
rindolfarchmint: well, on the Internet, Israelis sometimes use English to talk with one another.
archmintrindolf: I will learn Hebrew for you.
archmintThen we can say things and noone will know what we are saying
rindolfarchmint: in Israel, even the kiosk vendors and taxi cab drivers know English.
rindolfarchmint: heh, thanks for the gesture.
rindolfarchmint: you will also be able to read the Jwwish Bible and stuff.
rindolfin Hebrew.
archmintראה כמה טוב אני כבר
rindolf“You can never truly appreciate the Gilmore Girls until you've watched it in the original Klingon.”
rindolfarchmint: Google Translate? ;-)
archmintrindolf: of course not
* archmintis saddened
archmintTHIS. MEANS. WAR!!
rindolfarchmint: well, the somewhat more idiomatic way to say it is ראה כמה אני כבר טוב
rindolfarchmint: heh.
rindolfarchmint: i'm not too fond of most Jazz music.
rindolfarchmint: the Madlib track was not too bad though.
rindolfarchmint: - madweblibs.
amd64[ Madweblibs ]
rindolfNot my site.
archmintremind me to not do pacman -S without first doing pacman -Syu EVER
rindolfarchmint: I'm reminding you to never do pacman -S without first doing pacman -Syu. ;-)
rindolfarchmint: when do you wish to be reminded of that?
* staticdomainsets a cron job to remind archmint every 5 mins
staticdomainhi everyone :)
archminthaha. thanks rindolf. staticdomain, I should :D
rindolfstaticdomain: heh.
* archminteating peanut butter sandwich
rindolfarchmint: :-)
rindolfarchmint: + jelly?
rindolfarchmint: ah.
archmintjust pb
rindolfarchmint: ah.
archmintarchmint: ah.
rindolfarchmint: pb is a major pb (=problem)
archmintwhy is that so, rindolf?
rindolfarchmint: it's not. :-)
archminthey, rindolf. you are red in my irc client :)
rindolfarchmint: THIS. MEANS. WAR!!!
rindolfarchmint: ah.
rindolfarchmint: someone on ##programming nicknamed me "Rindolf the Red"
archmintrindolf: the red-war-tipped EVIL reindeer
rindolfLike "Gandalf the Grey"
fahadash.can rand q* archmint
gliese581carchmint, How would you find out that you ran out of invisible ink?
archmintc4 rindolf: you are this color to me
archmintthis color
rindolfarchmint: OK.
archmintgliese581c: taste the paper
archmintfahadash: you are red, too
staticdomainCareful. I switched his invisible ink with LSD
rindolfI'm reminded that we had to do an exercise for English class about writing a complaint letter to a company and my friend prepared one about a smurf who received a M.I.R.R.O.R - something "round reflector of recipient" and was distressed that he saw there strange blue things.
staticdomainugh, I'm bored but it is too hot out to go do anything fun outdoors on my day off.
rindolfIt was funny.
archmintThat sounds funny.
rindolfarchmint: yes.
* archmintpulls out a rapier and points the tip at rindolf
rindolfarchmint: - this made me burst out laughing today.
amd64[ Shlomi Fish auf Twitter: "schquid:«R we talking about t wholesale suppression of t proletariat by t corrupt capitalists hell bend on providing #FOSS?!» Made me #LOL" ]
* rindolfeats the tip of the rapier.
rindolfarchmint: a funnier thing happened to me with the same friend for a different class.
archmintyeah no. :P
archmintrindolf: oh. yeh?
rindolfarchmint: we were preparing a report about a trip and it mentioned a very obscure detail like it was built by Kurd workers from Jerusalem.
archminthuh. Very random.
rindolfSo we went on a tangent and said "YEs , it was created by southern workers, who were under the supervision of Count Paul the Third, who travelled from his homeland at transylvania, to meet the duchess."
rindolfAnd we both laughed histerically.
rindolfAnd then i took a break and said "And her Siamese cat..."
rindolfAnd we laughed even more and my friend fell from his chair.
archminthah. Nice. haha
archmintRINDOLF: :D
rindolfarchmint: :-) # I'm glad you like it.
rindolfarchmint: hi.
archmintrindolf: hi.
rindolfzanzibizarre: sleep? THAT. MEANS. WAR!!!
rindolfzanzibizarre: Evil Reindeer don't sleep.
rindolfSleep is for the weak and timid.
zanzibizarreWe will FIGHT, till the death!

My bug friend.


buovjagathis is great: "Bug, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn."
rindolfbuovjaga: heh, I have many software bugs on my professional network on LinkedIn.
rindolfbuovjaga: some of my best friends and most admired professionals are software bugs.
buovjagaMost bugs are very reliable business partners. Of course, there are a few unfortunate heisenbugs among them.
rindolfbuovjaga: :-)
rindolfBug #356343 for government!
buovjagaBug #356343 is what we need to make this planet great again.
rindolfbuovjaga: heh.
rindolfBug-to-bug harmony!
rindolfLong live bug #356343!

The SCO vs Linux T.V. Series


rindolf - wow! It's still ongoing.
farriothrindolf: Has someone made a TV series about it yet?
rindolffarrioth: a telenovella!
rindolffarrioth: would be pretty exciting.
rindolffarrioth: Game of Thrones won't have nothing on it. ;-)
farriothrindolf: Heh :)
rindolffarrioth: they'll call its fans SCOnies!
farriothrindolf: Haha.
rindolffarrioth: :-)
rindolffarrioth: I'm going to setup
farriothrindolf: Nice.
farriothrindolf: And a TV Tropes page?
rindolffarrioth: yes!
rindolffarrioth: it's going to be really big.
farriothrindolf: :)
rindolffarrioth: the Superbowl will be cancelled to air a SCO vs. Linux special!
rindolffarrioth: due to better ratings.
farriothrindolf: But that means we can't feature in the superbowl ad-break!
rindolffarrioth: we don't need that.
rindolffarrioth: we will be world-famous even without any ads.
farriothrindolf: True true.
rindolffarrioth: yes.
* rindolfgets ready to sing the "Rich and Famous" contract.
* farriothhands rindolf a microphone.
rindolffarrioth: I need a pen - not a microphone
rindolfThat or a GPG key

Memoir from a Physics lesson in the 9th grade


Back when I was in the 9th grade, during a Physics lesson, one of my classmates complained to the teacher that something we were learning was too hard. So my teacher asked her “Do you see people with picket baskets outside?” and she answered no. And then he said “Well, then you should know that life is no picnic!”.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkShlomi Fish’s Memoir

Compiling the World


rindolfHi all.
bkeysHello rindolf
rindolfbkeys: sup?
bkeysMessing with docker still
bkeysI hate it but there is no better option
rindolfbkeys: I fixed Freecell Solver on ARM linux.
rindolfbkeys: turns out "char"s in C are unsigned there by default.
bkeysI thought this was always the case
rindolfbkeys: they are signed on x86
bkeysI did not know this
ExpiredPopsicleProtip: uint8_t and int8_t exist. Use them. :P
rindolfbkeys: ah.
bkeysI almost never use chars directly
rindolfExpiredPopsicle: I know
bkeysMost of the time C++ data structures are good enough
ExpiredPopsicleSign extending a char to an int can ruin your day.
bkeysThen ints and floats
BlackMoonrindolf: so you actually have to type signed char? :)
ExpiredPopsicleOr you could just use int8_t.
rindolfBlackMoon: yes
BlackMoonyou can take my poorly defined types from my cold, dead, typedefed hands
rindolfBlackMoon: or use the -fsigned-char compiler flag
BlackMoon'build procedure: use more obscure flags'
ExpiredPopsiclePerformance problems solved!
BlackMoonactivate emergency optimizations!
ExpiredPopsicleAlso I accidentally made the optimizer sentient. We're all doomed.
BlackMoonnah we'r find just so long as.. oh, you showed it some of your source code too? Well no wonder it wants to end all human life
ExpiredPopsicleYou know how the optimizer figures out how some code is unneeded and just deletes it?
ExpiredPopsicleIt did that with humans.
BlackMoonor stuffed us all into a lib somewhere, never to be linked with again
ExpiredPopsicleWe have been simplified down to a 32-bit constant: 0x4655434B
* rindolfsurvived
BlackMoonI will not be typecast!
BlackMoonI hope the compilers come for you first Type-21
Type-21i'm already lost
Type-21the compilers are flowing through me
BlackMoonresistance is futile, you will be compil error on line 53, invalid type-21
BlackFoxI'm defiantly a void
* rindolfgot transpiled into JavaScript
Type-21aren't the kids these days doing coffescript or typescript or something?

How to cope with a GitHub outage


rindolfHi all
ZuuHi rindolf and Thymo :>
ZuuMerry weekend :>
rindolfZuu: hi
ZuuHow goes it?
rindolfZuu: fine - working on cpan modules
rindolfZuu: perls before swine
ThymoIs GitHub up for you guys?
rindolfThymo: it was a while ago
Zuurindolf, do you happen to know if theres some sort of perl to C transformer tool?
Zuuthere's this exif tool written in perl, and it's just nuts that its not in C :P
rindolfZuu: you can embed Perl code in C code
Zuuofcourse, if i wanted to have the entire interpreter on board
Zuuanyways, i take it as a "no, i dont know of such a thing" :)
ThymoThey just got a major outage.
ThymoServer availability just dropped to 0%.
Zuumaybe the student worker accidentally altered the DNS records :P
ThymoIt had major outages yesterday.
ZuuMaybe they have two student workers :P
ZuuOr DoS...
ThymoThe servers are still up. They're serving a 503 page.
Zuuor government attack :O
Zuuno, wait! The aliens have landed!
rindolfZuu: heh
Zuuor maybe little bobby 0; DROP TABLES; -- have visited
ThymoSSH is still up.
ThymoBut hangs as soon as it connects.
* Zuustarts playing the intro theme for X-Files
ZuuThymo, We've got to solve this mystery
ThymoLet's ping -f them to see when they'll get back up. :p
Zuui will help by making fun of things :>
Zuuto make sure we're doing a reliable ping, i think we need to ping it from several places
Zuusay... from a large scale botnet
rindolfZuu: heh
Zuuyou know... to see if it has come up yet :P
rindolfZuu: you've been making me laugh now
ZuuWelcome to ##Fun :>

#reddit: The Best at Being Horrible


funnynicknameoh shit.. so close
hlveOH COE ON.
foddoaw shit, i was early
radiofreethat's what she said
rindolffoddo: "Hello! My name is foddo and I was early for 11:11 today," "Hello foddo! We all love you."
foddorindolf: stop rubbing it in
foddoyou're a horrible person
reddit-botCorrection, <foddo> rdolf: stop rubbg it
deepends/stop/don't stop
reddit-botCorrection, <foddo> rdolf: don't stop rubbg it
deependrubbg me good
foddordolf the rubbg redeer
rindolffoddo: but I'm trying to win the Nobel prize for being a horrible person…
foddoi'm fairly sure you're not going to win that one.
rindolffoddo: it's one of my most coveted life achievements
rindolffoddo: why not?
foddoi mean you'll have to up your horrible game somewhat dramatically
rindolffoddo: so I'm not as horrible as humanly possible? That's quite an insult
foddoi, also, am working my way up the chain.
rindolffoddo: nice

MongoDB vs. /dev/null


Hans> I’ll have to get to the bottom of those unreliable read operations. But this is looking *very* promising
Hans> /dev/null is web scale, we heard, and it supports sharding!
shlomifhave I shown you ?
Hans```how to properly secure it against abuse, so it will only null what you send to it. Not anything external and unsolicited.``` - sounds good
shlomifI should start a page on my wiki collecting links to the /dev/null is webscale meme
Hans>/dev/null has handled zettabytes of write-only data flawlessly
Hansmaybe ^^
shlomifthere's also
Hanshaha yeah
Hansbut i dont like their setup,
Hansits not really scalable,
Hansyeah but really, nginx stores the entire request body, either in memory or on disk, before serving http 200
Hansthat's not optimal!
Hansif you send a too-big-request-body to this server, you'll get a `Nginx: 413 Request Entity Too Large Error`
Hansdo you see my point? :P
shlomifnice analysis'
shlomifdid you tell them about it?
Hansmaybe i should haha
Hans>mail: blog: twitter: @noqqe
Hans(also, if you send with content-encoding: gzip/deflate/sdch, their setup will actually bother to use cpu DECOMPRESSING it, before discarding it)
shlomifah, heh.
Channelprivate conversation

A new programming language


I want to create a programming language called “Multiply” so people can say “I program in Go, Forth, and Multiply”.

AuthorShlomi Fish

Multiply by Pi


Take your schedule estimates and multiply them by Pi. Take your expected profits and divide them by Pi.

AuthorShlomi Fish’s father’s mentor

Other Favourite Quotes

What is is


What is is. Perceive It. Integrate it. Act on it. Idealize it.

AuthorLeonard Peikoff

I/O, I/O…


I/O, I/O,
It's off to disk I go,
a bit or byte to read or write,
I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O

AuthorDave Peacock
WorkHis signature

Roses are red, Violets are Blue ("Fresh Prince of Bel-Air")


Will: "Roses are red,
Violets are Blue.
Jazz and I are black,
But, Carlton, what are you?"

Excerpt from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"

AuthorAndy Borowitz (Creator)
Work"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"

"Wives live longer than husbands…"


And the top story for today: wives live longer than husbands because they are not married to women.

AuthorColin Mochrie
Work"Who's Line is it, Anyway?"

Let others praise ancient times


Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

AuthorOvid (43 BC - 18 AD)

"Bring it On": Cheerleader Song


I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot.
I'm bitchin', great hair, the boys all love to stare!
I'm wanted, I'm hot, I'm everything you're not.
I'm pretty, I'm cool, I dominate this school.
Who am I? Just guess. Guys wanna touch my chest.
I'm rockin', I smile and many think I'm vile.
I'm flying, I jump you can look but don't you hump. Whoo!
I major, I roar. I swear I'm not a whore.
We cheer and we lead - we act like we're on speed.
You hate us cause we're beautiful but we don't like you either.
We're cheerleaders. We are cheerleaders!

Excerpt from "Bring it On"

WorkBring it On (The Original)

"Suppose x is the speed…"


An algebra teacher is discussing a problem with a student. The teacher says: "Now, suppose x is the speed at which the train is travelling…". And the student says "But teacher, what if x is not the speed at which the train is travelling?

WorkRe: "A Parody on Aristotle's Organum"

The Shibber Factor


Keep all the grades of the students who passed the test as is, and convert the grades of all the students who failed to 54%.

AuthorShlomi Fish
WorkBased on a Technion Legend

God is Dead


“God is Dead”

— Nietzsche

“Nietzsche is Dead”

— God

( writing on a toilet's wall )

AuthorAnonymous toilet's wall writers
WorkWriting on a toilet's wall.

A serious Philosophical Work


A serious and good philosophical work could be written that would consist entirely of jokes.

-- Ludwig Wittgenstein

AuthorLudwig Wittgenstein

The difference between a bad student and a good student


The difference between a bad student and a good student is that a bad student forgets all the material five minutes before the exam, while a good student five minutes after it.

AuthorOne of Shlomi Fish's Lecturers
WorkTechnion Class

Histeria! - "did the Fall Hurt You?"


[Isaac Newton falls off the tree]

Cho-Cho: Did the fall hurt you?

Newton: It wasn't the fall; it was the sudden stop at the end.

AuthorTom Ruegger

Knuth: Beware of Bugs


Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.

AuthorDonald Knuth
WorkMemo to Peter van Emde Boas

Stallmanism vs. Stalinism


It's not because they have suddenly converted to Stallmanism.

Anyone else misread that as "Stalinism"?

The word "Stalinism" is deprecated, the correct term is "GNU/Communism".

-- Spotted on Slashdot

WorkSlashdot Comment: “Re: Misread”

Slashdot: Creative Shells


Personally, I'd have a far better time writing scripts if I had some more creative shells to script in…

ASMsh: The Assembly shell. Commands include MOV, SHL, SHR, JNE, etc.

shellTM: Turing machine shell. Only four commands. Read, write, move left, move right. Capable of producing any programming language imaginable, given enough time and nerves of steel.

GeneSH: Four commands. G, A, T, C. Need I say more?

Qsh: Only uses one environment variable, which contains all possible values simultaneously. Method of scripting: isolate the universe in which the desired result is already accomplished, and intersect with it.

Of course, I never said they'd be easy to use. But then, if these shells existed, and I knew a sysadmin who used any of them, you can believe Sysadmin Day would be a far more celebrated holiday.

The Night Watchman on a Slashdot Comment

AuthorThe Night Watchman
WorkSlashdot comment.

Mission from God


We're on a mission from God.

-- The Blues Brothers

AuthorDan Aykroyd and John Landis
Work"The Blues Brothers"

Sitting Here Doing Nothing


It may look like I'm just sitting here doing nothing, but I'm really actively waiting for all my problems to go away.


"The ones of you that have heard it before"


I'm going to do a routine now, the ones of you that have heard it before may enjoy hearing it again. The ones of you that have not heard it before - may enjoy hearing it again next time.

AuthorVictor Borge
WorkPhonetic Punctuation

Larry Wall: "I'm an Optimist"


I guess I really am an optimist. A paranoid optimist, true, but an optimist nonetheless.

Larry Wall, "The 3rd State of the Onion"

AuthorLarry Wall
Work3rd State of the Onion

"Linus Torvalds's Greatest Hack"


In fact, I think Linus's [= Linus Torvalds'] cleverest and most consequential hack was not the construction of the Linux kernel itself, but rather his invention of the Linux development model. When I expressed this opinion in his presence once, he smiled and quietly repeated something he has often said: "I'm basically a very lazy person who likes to get credit for things other people actually do." Lazy like a fox. Or, as Robert Heinlein famously wrote of one of his characters, too lazy to fail.

Eric Raymond, the "Cathedral and the Bazaar"

AuthorEric Raymond
WorkThe Cathedral and the Bazaar

"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb…"


Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote.

Misattributed to Benjamin Franklin

AuthorNot clear
WorkQuotes about Democracy

On Tech Progress


Shlomi Fish: And to think that home desktops can simulate these systems [= PDP-10's and PDP-11's] much faster than those ancient mainframes.

William Lee Irwin III: Shlomi, and to think the net usefulness of the home desktops is less than what users got out of those mainframes.

#offtopic on the IRC network.

AuthorWilliam Lee Irwin III

"I feel much better…"


I feel much better, now that I've given up hope.

Ashleigh Brilliant

AuthorAshleigh Brilliant
Work"I Feel Much Better, Now That I've Given Up Hope


I have abandoned my search for truth, and am now looking for a good fantasy.

Ashleigh Brilliant

AuthorAshleigh Brilliant
Work"I Have Abandoned My Search for Truth and Am Now Looking for a Good Fantasy"

"I may not be totally perfect…"


I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.

Ashleigh Brilliant

AuthorAshleigh Brilliant
WorkI May Not Be Totally Perfect, but Parts of Me Are Excellent

Dijkstra on Whether a Computer can Think


The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Edsger W. Dijkstra

AuthorEdsger W. Dijkstra
WorkEWD898 - The threats to computing science

Intelligent Life


Sometimes I think the surest sign, that intelligent life exists else where in our universe is, is that none of it has tried to contact us.


AuthorBill Watterson
WorkCalvin & Hobbes quotes

The more I think about it


The more I think about it, the more I think I should think about it some more.

Clarissa in "Clarissa Explains it All"

WorkClarissa Explains it All

Rusty Russell's Signature


Rusty Russell's signature:

Anyone who quotes me in their sig is an idiot.
-- Rusty Russell

AuthorRusty Russell
WorkRusty Russell's Signature

The First Law of Thermodynamics


The First Law of Thermodynamics: A system with a constant energy, volume and pressure behaves in any way it wants.


Linus Torvalds about His Macros


I wrote them (and looking at the original ones, I'm a bit ashamed: the "toupper()" and "tolower()" macros are so horribly ugly that I wouldn't admit to writing them if it wasn't because somebody else claimed to have done so.)

Linus Torvalds on the Linux Kernel Mailing List in response to SCO's Linux Kernel ownership claims.

AuthorLinus Torvalds
WorkPost to the Linux Kernel Mailing List

Everything is Owned by SCO


Baby making is owned by SCO. Linus's mother never payed royalities.

Also, having a name is a SCO trade secret. By giving Linus a name, they again ask for being fined.

Best regards,


(p.s.: Iztok is owned by SCO, and phrase "Best Regards" as well. LWN is owned by SCO.)

An LWN comment in regards to the SCO ownership claims of Linux Kernel code.

WorkLinus is "owned by SCO"

The source of my intention


The source of my intention
really isn't crime prevention
My intention is prevention of the lie.

Scatman John
"Scatman's World"

AuthorScatman John
WorkScatman's World

ESR: "To follow the Path"


To follow the path:
look to the master,
follow the master,
walk with the master,
see through the master,
become the master.

Eric S. Raymond in "How To Become a Hacker"

AuthorEric Raymond
WorkHow to Become a Hacker

"GIMP Should Manipulate SVGs" on #gimp


strestout1Can GIMP save to svg?
rindolfstrestout1: SVG is a vector graphics format.
rindolfstrestout1: GIMP manipulates bitmaps.
strestout1Yes rindolf, I know.
strestout1I just thought itd be nice to have one app for everything instead of having to use inkscape for svg and gimp for everything else.
UnNamedIt could do 3d too.
schumamlAnd Audio processing…
UnNamedAnd Audio mixing…
UnNamedAnd word processing…
schumamlAnd it gotta have a kitchen sink!
schumamlSo, the real question might be: is there an image editing mode for Emacs? ;)
Tagline"GIMP Should Manipulate SVGs"

Hanah Senesh: Walk to Caesarea


My God, My God,
May it never, never end.
The sand and the sea,
the jitter of the water,
the shine of the sky,
the prayer of Man.

"A Walk to Caesarea" / Hanah Senesh
( Translated from Hebrew by Shlomi Fish )

AuthorHanah Senesh
WorkWalk to Caesarea

"I am not without artifice where magic is concerned…"


'You must know that I am not without artifice where magic is concerned,' said Weasel. 'Only last year did I - assisted by my friend there - part the notoriously powerful Archmage of Ymitury from his staff, his belt of moon jewels, and his life, in that approximate order.'

AuthorTerry Pratchett
WorkThe Colour of Magic

Linus Torvalds about the SHA1 Security


If we want to have any kind of confidence that the hash is really unbreakable, we should make it not just longer than 160 bits, we should make sure that it's two or more hashes, and that they are based on totally different principles.

And we should all digitally sign every single object too, and we should use 4096-bit PGP keys and unguessable passphrases that are at least 20 words in length. And we should then build a bunker 5 miles underground, encased in lead, so that somebody cannot flip a few bits with a ray-gun, and make us believe that the sha1's match when they don't. Oh, and we need to all wear aluminum propeller beanies to make sure that they don't use that ray-gun to make us do the modification _ourselves_.

AuthorLinus Torvalds
WorkMessage to the git mailing list

Neo-Tech: About Capitalism


The dictionary definition of capitalism is: An economic system characterized by private ownership of capital goods and by investments that are determined by private decision rather than by state control. Prices, production and distribution of goods are determined by a free market.

But most writers and commentators put dishonest altruistic-platonistic connotations on the meaning of capitalism: A system of exploitation of the weak by the strong -- devoid of love and good will. A system in which unwanted goods and services are pushed onto consumers through clever, deceptive advertising for the sole purpose of profits and greed. Capitalism dominates most Western governments. Capitalism, big business, and fascism are synonymous.

Neo-Tech IV / The Neo-Tech Discovery.

AuthorFrank R. Wallace
WorkNeo Tech IV

"People who disagree with me…"


Which mindset is right? Mine, of course. People who disagree with me are by definition crazy. (Until I change my mind, when they can suddenly become upstanding citizens. I'm flexible, and not black-and-white.)

AuthorLinus Torvalds
WorkLinus compares Linux and BSDs

One bug, two bugs, tar bugs, su bugs,


One bug, two bugs, tar bugs, su bugs,
grep bugs, mew bugs, old bugs, new bugs.
This bug has a little hack,
This bug has a broken stack.
Say! What a lot of bugs to track.
Yes, some are in tar, and some in su.
Some are old. And some are new.
Some in sed, and some in jed.
And some are even in parted.
Why are they in parted, jed and sed?
I do not know. Bugs should be dead!
Some in jpeg, and some in TIFF
This TIFF one has an attached diff.
From there to here, from here to there
Test release bugs are everywhere.

AuthorRed Hat Inc. Fedora Workers
WorkFedora Core 2 Test 2 available for x86 and x86-64

Charlene: The Sweet Life


"I took the sweet life
but I never knew
I'd be bitter from the sweet"

WorkI've Never Been to Me

Neo-Tech: Fully Integrated Honesty


Yet, acting on fully integrated honesty (Neo-Tech), not reason itself, is the basic moral act. When Genghis Khan, for example, chose to use reasoning for a specific military move, then in an out-of-context sense, he chose to act morally by protecting himself and his troops (thus filling human biological needs). But in the larger sense of fully integrated honesty, Khan's total actions were grossly immoral in choosing to use aggressive force in becoming a mass murderer (thus negating human biological needs). The highly destructive, irrational immorality of Genghis Khan's overall dictatorial military actions far outweighed any narrow, out-of-context "moral" actions. …Genghis Khan was enormously evil as were Stalin, Hitler, Mao, Castro, Pol Pot.

Neo-Tech Orientation and Definitions

AuthorFrank R. Wallace
WorkNeo Tech Orientation and Definitions

chromatic: "Ruby Code Can't Be Bad"


Why are there so many unmaintainable applications written in PHP and Perl? Because PHP and Perl let undisciplined, inexperienced programmers write useful code. So does Ruby -- but give it the popularity and longevity of PHP and Perl (at least in English-speaking circles) and I bet you'll see plenty of bad code written in Ruby too.

This seems like a variant of the Hackers and Painters fallacy. (Paul Graham is rich. Paul Graham writes Lisp. Therefore everyone who writes Lisp will get rich.) "All of the good, smart programmers I know are using Ruby. They write good code. Therefore you can't write bad code in Ruby!"

It feels like there's another fallacy in there somewhere. I want to call it the Pre-Post-Java Blindspot, where Java was the beginning of Serious Programming Languages and only its successor will unseat it. (Like any good fallacy, you have to ignore history, such as the fact that Ruby's between 10 and 12 years old.)

(I mean, if you really just can't read regular expressions, why not admit it? You could start a twelve-step program or something.)

WorkBlog Post for 17-Novemeber-2005

I Upgraded the Plot Device's…


I have upgraded the plot device's hard-drive, soft-drive and squishy drive,and it is now being the world's most powerful super-computer!

The Angry Scientist in "Sheep in the Big City"

AuthorMo Willems
WorkSheep in the Big City

Affairs of Dragons


Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Source unknown.

AuthorUnknown Author
WorkInternet Meme

Bjarne Stroustrup about Java


Much of the relative simplicity of Java is - like for most new languages - partly an illusion and partly a function of its incompleteness. As time passes, Java will grow significantly in size and complexity. It will double or triple in size and grow implementation-dependent extensions or libraries. That is the way every commercially successful language has developed. Just look at any language you consider successful on a large scale. I know of no exceptions, and there are good reasons for this phenomenon. [I wrote this before 2000; now see a preview of Java 1.5 - ]

AuthorBjarne Stroustrup
WorkF.A.Q. Entry about Java

Oscar Wilde on Redundancy (from the Uncyclopedia)


"I simply hate, detest, loathe, despise, and abhor redundancy."

An Oscar Wilde quote, that quotes Oscar Wilde on his views on Redundancy in a quote.

WorkUncyclopedia entry about Redundancy

Vital Enterprise Applications Are (DailyWTF)


In yesterday's post (Bitten by the Enterprise Bug), we learned how vital enterprise application are for proactive organizations leveraging collective synergy to think outside the box and formulate their key objectives into a win-win game plan with a quality-driven approach that focuses on empowering key players to drive-up their core competencies and increase expectations with an all-around initiative to drive up the bottom-line.

AuthorThe Daily WTF
WorkThe Daily WTF - Enterprise SQL

Beatles: "Come Together"


He says "One and one and one is three".
Got to be good-looking 'cause he's so hard to see.

Excerpt from "Come Together" by the Beatles.

AuthorThe Beatles
WorkCome Together

The Smithosnian (from Ozy and Millie)


Isolde: Any museum has a certain Americana factor. But the Smithosnian… This is the one place you can find the very essence of America, distilled.

Millie: Ooh.. do they let you drink it, and then take on mutant American superpowers, and then go around unilaterlly dispensing frontier-style justice in the name of "Freedom"?

Isolde: No, not usually.

Millie: Museums would be a lot more fun if they'd actually *read* what I put in their suggestion boxes.

AuthorD.C. Simpson
WorkOzy and Millie - "The Essence of America"

Slashdot: Vim Version 7


Version 7? [of Vim]

GNU Emacs is at version 21.4. Can we really trust such an immature editor?

"yet another coward" in a Slashdot comment for the announcement of the release of Vim version 7. Slashdot comment

Authoryet another coward
WorkComment on the release of Vim version 7

Star Trek Plot on FreeNode's #bmp - The Beep Media Player channel.


deadchipComputer: Remove characters 'nenolod' and 'sxpert'.
deadchipComputer: Resume program.
sxpert"Program cannot run without characters 'nenolod' and 'sxpert'. restoring instances.
deadchipComputer: Command override, command code Lt. Cmdr. Milosz Derezynski omega-3-3-9-alpha zero. Remove instances 'nenolod' and 'sxpert'.
deadchip"Unable to comply."
deadchip"Computer: Is it possible to at least, _alter_ the subprograms nenolod and sxpert?"
deadchip"Specify parameters."
deadchiphmm i take that as a "yes"
deadchip"Computer: Please remove 'nonsense' component from 'sxpert' character."
sxpert"unable to comply. "
deadchipyou're truly un-nonsensifiable
sxpert"the intellectual subroutines are not alterable"
deadchip"Computer: Is it possible to alter the _look_ of the character 'sxpert'?"
deadchip"Computer: Please dress character 'sxpert' in a clown's costume."
deadchip"Specify paramters."
deadchip"Mid-20th-century Earth, Balkan area."
deadchip"Processing. Character alteration complete."
deadchipsxpert: bah
deadchipyeah i knew you would delete the whole databank first
geekoe"Computer, can we …. finally… simply remover the characters 'sxpert'?"
sxpert"computer, here's arlequin costume. apply to character deadchip"
sxpert"character parameters changed"
TaglineStar Trek-Like Plot

I'd love to change the world


I'd love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.

— Unknown

AuthorUnknown Author

"What are stars?" on the Lion King


Pumbaa: Timon, ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there?

Timon: Pumbaa, I don't wonder; I know.

Pumbaa: Oh. What are they?

Timon: They're fireflies. Fireflies that, uh… got stuck up on that big bluish-black thing.

Pumbaa: Oh, gee. I always thought they were gigantic balls of gas burning billions of miles away.

Timon: Pumbaa, with you, everything's gas.

AuthorWalt Disney Corp
Work"The Lion King"

Martin about UNIX Letting You Shoot Yourself in the Foot


>That's the nice thing about UNIX, it gives you so many >ways to shoot yourself in the foot. :)

At least it does allow you to shoot yourself in the foot.

It doesn't say "shooting feet isn't supported"

Or you can shoot yourself in the foot by writing a management console plugin that will pass the data to Word using VBA and then call Excel via com to split it into columns and then write an activeX control to get the columns back as

WorkComment in the JoS Forum

Dazjorz: "We are the Borg on IRC"


[21:10] *** dazjorz changed nick to We
[21:10] * We are the Borg.
[21:10] *** We changed nick to Lower
[21:10] * Lower your shields and power down your weapons.
[21:11] *** Lower changed nick to We
[21:11] * We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own.
[21:11] *** We changed nick to Resistance
[21:11] * Resistance is futile.
[21:11] *** Resistance changed nick to __You
[21:11] * __You will be assimilated.
[21:11] *** __You changed nick to dazjorz
AuthorSjors (Dazjorz)
WorkFreenode on IRC

God is my favourite…


"(God) is my favourite fictional character." - Homer Simpson

AuthorMatt Groening
WorkThe Simpsons

Learn several new words everyday


You should learn several new words everyday--eventually you will forget how to speak so others can understand you.

Yaakov on Freenode's #perl

WorkFreenode's #perl Conversation.



For thousands of years, we have been plagued by mathematicians insisting that two plus two equals four. Who elected them? I, Stevie-O, am promoting an entirely new system, where two plus two equals FIVE. Eventually, it will be extended to provide other stuff these power-hungry madmen kept hidden away for themselves, such as division by zero, cold fusion, the ability to solve the halting problem, and the secret to attracting hot chicks.

Stevie-O on the Acme::NewMath POD document.

WorkAcme::NewMath POD document

Should Perl drop SCO Support?


> Should Perl do the same? [= Drop SCO Support]

Absolutely not. Perl supports defunct operating systems, buggy operating systems, commercial operating systems, and poorly marketed operating systems. It would be inappropropriate to drop SCO just because it happens to be all of the above.

AuthorKurt Starsinic Email

Climbing for the Apocalypse on #perlcafe


jkauffmanLynx_: you do seem to do a lot of climbing
jkauffmanLynx_: you'll have the last laugh when the apocalypse comes
jkauffmanyou'll be physically fit
jkauffmanclimbing over the mountains of sulfurous ash
jkauffmanbounding over rivers of lava
Lynx_sounds great
Lynx_but what will i eat?
jkauffmanthose who didn't bother to practice climbing
Lynx_those will be all fatty
Lynx_but maybe sulfurous ash is not so bad with some salt
TaglineClimbing for the Apocalypse

Slashdot: "In Soviet Russia…"


In Soviet Russia, every time you kill a kitten, god masturbates

GyroTech on a Slashdot comment

WorkSlashdot Comment

"I Wrote This Much Code" on Freenode's #perlcafe


jagermandooky: A coworker used to like to say things like "I wrote this much code" while holding his hands a couple feet apart
jagermanOnce I asked him "At what font size?"
jagermanHe never said it any more
Tagline"I Wrote This Much Code"

Slashdot: Dealing with RMS's Vim Attitude


Recently, Richard Stallman gave a speech in which he illustrated an academic point about programming history by quoting a guy who described vi as 'an editor spread at sword-point and which is really hard to use'.

I think I speak for all moderate vi(m) users when I say -- DEATH and DAMNATION (in that order) to this Cardinal of the CTRL key! Needless to say my own local vim user group has dispatched assassins to kill Mr. Stallman, but this is hardly the end of the story. The fact is that a man has referred to another man who in turn expressed some often-voiced reservations about OUR EDITOR! On behalf of all editors of text everywhere, I implore EMACS users to return to the true path, lest you be burned at the stake and then go to hell, the Buffer From Which There Is No Unloading. We'll see how productive you are then, with your ctrl-meta-alt and your ELISP and your 'ring buffer', whatever THAT is.

Peace and love to all.
exit :exit

kahei on Slashdot

WorkSlashdot Comment

Linus: "debugging my own machines"


The thing is, I don't actually enjoy debugging my own machines. I _much_ prefer having other people debug _their_ machines, and fixing my machine in the process. So I didn't want just something that worked on the Mac Mini, I wanted something that works _universally_, so that hopefully people who are even crazier than me will waste _their_ time trying to get these machines working.

Linus Torvalds in an Email message

AuthorLinus Torvalds
WorkEmail Message

Slasdhot: Iran: "First they came for"


Re:Silly Iranians… ALWAYS!

First, they came for the newspapers, and I did nothing because the Farsi Side comic was just re-prints now.

Next, they came for the books, and I looked the other way because the Death to America Book of the Month Club was only recommending books to burn anyway.

Then, they came for the Satellite Dishes, and I said nothing because I still had a year left on my Infidelphia Cable contract.

Finally, they came for my Internet Service, and no one was left to hear my ululation!

patrixmyth on Slashdot

WorkSlashdot Comment

Linus Torvalds: "I Won't Always Change my Mind"


I don't guarantee that I always change my mind, but I _can_ guarantee that if most of the people I trust tell me I'm a dick-head, I'll at least give it a passing thought.

[ Chorus: "You're a dick-head, Linus" ]

Linus Torvalds in an E-mail message.

AuthorLinus Torvalds
WorkEmail Message

Review of the Oxford English Dictionary


Review of the Oxford English Dictionary on

[One Star]

"an epic work that has trouble holding the interest"

By: a customer

I'm at the ABs, and I still can't get a grip on the plot. Characters enter, are introduced in exhausting detail -- and then disappear again! Very frustrating. The only time an old character shows up again is in another's history! A lot like _A Dance to the Music of Time_, I suppose.

Perhaps things will become clearer when we meet Oxford, English or Dictionary -- clearly three key figures. Some kind of menage a trois? Oxford English Dictionary

Neo-Tech: Selfishness


Although the contents of her book, The Virtue of Selfishness, are precisely accurate and widely integrated, Ayn Rand committed an error by distorting the word "selfishness" in fashioning a dramatic statement. The word "selfishness" does have valuable, precise denotations of "an irrational, harmful disregard for others". Rand could have strengthened her work by selecting accurate wording such as rational self-growth. Instead, she unnecessarily bent and undermined the precise, valuable meaning of selfishness. …As with selflessness, selfishness is a form of immature, destructive, irrational behavior -- a form of stupid behavior.

Neo-Tech Advantage No. 14 - "Self-Growth vs. Selfless View"

AuthorFrank R. Wallace
WorkNeo-Tech Advantage No. 14 - "Self-Growth vs. Selfless View"

Alan Kay on C++


I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Alan Kay (Attributed)

AuthorAlan Kay

VB.NET and Java Freenode's #perl


ew73VB.NET is all of the fun of enforced privacy OO with all of the power of BASIC.'true')
TaglineVB.NET and Java

Wilderness Cat: Extra Peculiar


Extra Peculiar

Did you watch Uri Geller's show last night? He said that if anything extraordinary happened at home during the show, people should phone in, or report it at his website. During the entire show I was installing Hebrew Windows XP for my mother-in-law, and something extraordinary did happen. The operating system got installed, came up, ran without a glitch. Should I report this to Uri?

khatul's comment:

Without a glitch, huh? Apparently you (and Uri) managed to install Linux from a Windows XP installation CD. This is much more than telekinesis. It smells like pure alien intervention. Report immediately!

Workwildernesscat : Extra Peculiar (Blog Entry)

Linus Torvalds: Rare "Perfect" Kernels


It's one of those rare "perfect" kernels. So if it doesn't happen to compile with your config (or it does compile, but then does unspeakable acts of perversion with your pet dachshund), you can rest easy knowing that it's all your own d*mn fault, and you should just fix your evil ways.

You could send me and the kernel mailing list a note about it anyway, of course. (And perhaps pictures, if your dachshund is involved. Not that we'd be interested, of course. No. Just so that we'd know to avoid it next time).

Linus Torvalds announcing the 2.6.19 Linux kernel.
Email message

AuthorLinus Torvalds
WorkEmail Message

"Not comparable" on Freenode's #perl


castoffmerlyn: is it true that array itteration is better performance wise than hash itteration?
* avarwould guess that array iter is faster than hash iter
merlynwhat is "hash iter"?
merlynwith "each()"?
castoffforeach key…
avaryeah, or keys
merlynI don't see those as comparable
merlynwhen you have a hash, and you need to iterate, you do.
merlynwhen you have an array, and you need to iterate, you do
merlynwhat is there to choose between?
castoffthe hash has no real value stored other than the key so i converted to arrays
avarmerlyn: you can compare the speed of the two operations
avarwell duh
merlynWhy would you compare the speed of unrelated events?
merlyn"let's time baking this bread compared to driving to seattle"
merlynit's pointless
idesmerlyn: heh, yes, but I think it would make a funny performance comparison article! :)
merlyn"always optimize for baking bread!"
* avareats merlyn
idesmerlyn: I was thinking more along the lines of "Performance comparison on Perl vs RoR vs Ice Fishing"
merlyn"I repeated baking bread 5000 times to get the average"
merlyn"It took me six years"
idesmerlyn: too bad there isn't a Benchmark module for my oven…
TaglineNot comparable

Jokes about Particle Physics on Freenode's #perl


TeratogenTwo atoms are walking down the street when one of them says "I think I've lost an electron." The second one says "are you sure?", to which the first one replies "Yes, I'm positive".
mpeg4codecSo officer Schroedinger pulls over this quantum particle and he says ``Do you know how fast you were going?''
mpeg4codecthe particle says, ``No, but I know exactly where I am.''
Teratogeneverybody has heard of Schroedinger's cat experiment
Teratogenbut very few people know that Schroedinger hated cats
Teratogenwith a passion
Teratogenand actually experimented on them
Teratogenhe even owned a set of cat-fur gloves
Teratogencats mysteriously disappeared around Schroedinger's laboratory
Teratogenand there was no Chinese restaurant close by to explain the disappearances
mpeg4codecSchroedinger's cat: wanted dead AND alive
TaglineJokes about Particle Physics

Tel Aviv - a functional definition


Tel Aviv - a functional definition:

Free parking space free space.

Shachar Shemesh
Blog Post

AuthorShachar Shemesh
Work"Tel Aviv - a Functional Definition" (Blog Post)

Always find someone to blame on Freenode's #perl.


BotjetecloSolaris: that's an irssi script. you can't run it outside irssi.
tecloSolarisbut it fails in irssi
Botjewhy does it fail?
merlynit fails because of its parents!
merlynI blame its parents
merlynIt fails because of society.
merlynit fails as a fundamental shortcoming of Perl
merlynit fails at succeeding
TeratogenI blame society!
merlynI blame Teratogen's society.
merlynI'll blame the blamer
TaglineAlways find someone to blame

Linus Torvalds: Releasing Kernel 2.6.20 on Superbowl Sunday


In a widely anticipated move, Linux "headcase" Torvalds today announced the immediate availability of the most advanced Linux kernel to date, version 2.6.20.

Before downloading the actual new kernel, most avid kernel hackers have been involved in a 2-hour pre-kernel-compilation count-down, with some even spending the preceding week doing typing exercises and reciting PI to a thousand decimal places.

The half-time entertainment is provided by randomly inserted trivial syntax errors that nerds are expected to fix at home before completing the compile, but most people actually seem to mostly enjoy watching the compile warnings, sponsored by Anheuser-Busch, scroll past.

As ICD head analyst Walter Dickweed put it: "Releasing a new kernel on Superbowl Sunday means that the important 'pasty white nerd' constituency finally has something to do while the rest of the country sits comatose in front of their 65" plasma screens".

Walter was immediately attacked for his racist and insensitive remarks by Geeks without Borders representative Marilyn vos Savant, who pointed out that not all of their members are either pasty nor white. "Some of them even shower!" she added, claiming that the constant stereotyping hurts nerds' standing in society.

Geeks outside the US were just confused about the whole issue, and were heard wondering what the big hoopla was all about. Some of the more culturally aware of them were heard snickering about balls that weren't even round.

-- Linus Torvalds announcing kernel 2.6.20 ( )

AuthorLinus Torvalds
WorkAnnouncement of Kernel 2.6.20




Making excessive use of long words.

WorkDefinition for Sesquipedallian

TimToady's Lament


TimToadyTimToady's Lament: The pain in reign falls mainly in the 'splain. --
TaglineTimToady's Lament

Slashdot: The Spanish Inquisition


You fool. Why did you tell him the Spanish Inquisition is coming. Now he's going to expect it.

niconorsk on a Slashdot Comment

WorkSlashdot Comment

Cluster of 386s


From the Beowulf Cluster FAQ:

11. Should I build a cluster of these 100 386s? [1999-05-13]

If it's OK with you that it'll be slower than a single Celeron-333 machine, sure. Great way to learn.

WorkBeowulf mailing list FAQ

Are you being installed in FreeNode's #perl


* f00li5hinstalls q-mail
* dazjorzinstalls f00li5h
* Zabainstalls dazjorz
jeegerqmail installs f00li5h
jeegerIn soviet russia …
jeegerSoftware installs YOU!
* dazjorzrm -rf zaba
* f00li5his in Soviet Australia
TaglineAre you being installed?

Losing my Abstraction


That's me in the corner.
That's me in the spotlight.
Losing my abstraction.

Trying to keep my point of view…
And I don't know if I can do it.
Oh no, I code too much.
Haven't debugged enough.

Is that why I heard you laughing?
I thought that I heard you ping.
I think I thought I saw you reply.

AuthorAndy Armstrong and Randal L. Schwartz
WorkPerl module-authors post

Memorial Day Weekend and SQL Databases


Slashdot Comment on Reasons to or not to use MySQL:

A nice flame war. I'm just going to sit back, crack a beer and enjoy it. It is almost memorial day weekend, you know. Hopefully it get hot enough in here to roast a hot dog.

Oh goody! I'll help get things going:

  • * MySQL users will have to wait until you are done with the fire before they can roast their hot dogs, since MySQL is not a real database and does not support concurrent roasting;
  • * I've read the PostgreSQL manual eight times and still can't figure out something as bloody simple as roasting a hot dog, though I did figure out I have to call VACUUM before I can apply ketchup;
  • * Serious enterprises who care about their hot dogs use Oracle, since you can roast over 10,000 dogs at once and optionally impart the taste of filet mignon;
  • * If you try to roast a footlong hotdog using MySQL it will silently truncate it to regular size, causing your child to cry;
  • * Oracle will sue you if you complain about the difficulty of starting your fire or the blackened taste of the dogs;
  • * With SQLite your hot dogs are pre-roasted;
  • * Last year on Memorial Day, mysqld leapt out of my MacBook Pro and pushed my cousin into the fire, resulting in third degree burns. And also it causes cancer. And terrorism. Blindness. Violent puppy death. BOO! MYSQL IS SCARY DON'T USE MYSQL!!

WorkSlashdot Comment

DailyWTF: Calculator 2.0


Max Rabkin's description for his entry is better than anything I could come up with:

"Calculator 2.0 is an enterprise-level client-side numerical productivity suite. It leverages proven technologies to provide a clear and user-friendly interface to a rich set of efficient and powerful components. It is powered by an XML database."

OMGWTF Highlights #2: Misc. (The Daily WTF)

WorkOMGWTF Highlights #2: Misc. (The Daily WTF)

Slashdot: Dual Core and Microsoft


I think this is the idea behind dual core: 1 core belongs to microsoft, 1 core for you.

-- sucati on a Slashdot comment

No. All your core are belong to us.

-- geobeck in response.

WorkSlashdot Comments

"Eye have a Spelling Chequer"


Eye have a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write.
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
and eye can put the error rite.
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

WorkSpell Chequer

Slashdot: Linus and Bill Gates


Oh no, here we go again..

"Linus just made the kernel; it's irritating when he gets credit for Linux"

"Yeah, but at least he made the Kernel -- Gates just made the Basic compiler"

"That's news to me - have you ever heard of this guy called Paul Allen?"

"Doesn't matter - personally I think the Linux kernel isn't all that - I use BSD"

"Screw Linus -- he was wrong about Bitkeeper and Tivo so he's wrong about MS & Novell"

"Yeah, well at least he's not a convicted monopolist"

"Yeah, until M$ stops treating me like a criminal I refuse to buy their software"

Also insert random quotes and mis-quotes such as: "When Microsoft writes an application for Linux, I've Won." - Linus Torvalds "640kb ought to be enough for everybody" - Bill Gates

That about cover it? Can we have a non-childish discussion now? If there's any other slime to be thrown, just reply to this post -- let's keep the forum clean for an actual discussion.

Slashdot comment

WorkSlashdot Comment

Free Karma on Freenode's #perl6.


masakthis definitely gives a more solid feel for kp6
masakkudos to whomever set exp_evalbot up!
moritz_masak: that was me ;)
masakmoritz_: kudos
fglockmoritz++ :)
masakmoritz_++ # the best thing about karma is that it's free
masakmoritz++ # oh right
moritz_"karma is like software - it's better when it's free" ;-)
TaglineFree Karma

Getting rich easily on Freenode's #perl.


talexbWow, I've won 4M pounds sterling, and all I have to do is contact someone in Zambia for more information. What could possibly go wrong?
rindolftalexb: heh.
jagermanWait, I thought *I* won that.
talexbrindolf, Can't believe people still fall for that line ..
fwilesdamn, wish I would win something… I just seem to be pre-approved for about $13 billion worth of home loans
talexbOops, sorry jagerman .. I'm already faxing this lady my Power of Attorney!!!
talexbfwiiles, Oh, that'll buy you a nice semi in Toronto.
jagermantalexb: Oh, I'm way ahead of you then. I'm flying there to meet with "government officials."
jagermanI'm paying for it myself, of course, since I'll be rich once they transfer the money to me.
talexbjagerman, Rats! Hey, I know a couple of lawyers if you need 'em .. very trustworthy, share some office space with some barbers.
TaglineGetting Rich Easily

Neo-Tech: All the Destruction for What?


Poetical sing-song or hypnotically rhythmic meter are often found in the rhetoric of dictators, evangelists, sibyls, politicians, theologians, mountebanks, social "intellectuals", media men, medicine men, hallucinating psychotics, chanting shiites, and screaming terrorists. Consider how millions of normally rational Germans thrilled and responded to the poetical cadence and charisma of the consummate altruist neocheater, Adolph Hitler. The results: a reign of destruction with tens of millions of human beings slaughtered so one impotent man could indulge his mysticism to feel unearned power. All that slaughter was for nothing more than to let one neocheater feel a pseudo self-esteem. …Twenty million dead so one pip-squeak could feel big and important.

"So what!" cry the mystics as the lifetime efforts of a thousand productive, innocent individuals are blown to bits every day without a backward glance. So what if the troops roll across the country with military cadence and guns ablaze. So what if they level town after town, reducing to rubble and corpses all the values, beauty, and life that took generations of productive effort to build.

And that is all the chanting religious automatons or splendid Panzer divisions know how to do -- to destroy in a moment, without a thought, all the values that producers labored for lifetimes to build. Chanting mobs or marching troops never glance back, never think for a moment of the death and destruction they leave behind. So what! the mystics and neocheaters cry. So what if genocide happens in Russia, Nazi Germany, Cuba, Cambodia, Red China, or in our land. "I don't want to hear it! To hell with the lifetime efforts of productive individuals! …Save the snail darter!"

Neo-Tech Advantage No. 104

AuthorFrank R. Wallace
WorkNeo-Tech Advantage No. 104

Fonts and Microsoft


> > > Ah, understood.  I was stuck with Outlook at my last job, and it was
> > > impossible to get it to quote a message in a way that you could
> > > actually reply to things point by point.  It seemed optimized for
> > > sending a message to every person in the company and making all of
> > > your text blue.  What a fucking joke.
> >
> > If it's a joke you should use Comic Sans so everyone /knows/ it's
> > funny.
> No no, Comic Sans is for presentations to the shareholders!

Somebody who is presenting to shareholders knows how to change the
default font?

AuthorJonathan Rockway, Andy Armstrong, Jonathan Rockway, and Adrian Howard
WorkPerl Module Authors Post

Slashdot: 1 out of 10 Lawyers


Geez…get any 10 lawyers together, one will be a real decent person, the other nine will be total asshats.

Slashdot Comment

It just appears that way because it's logarithmic. 100 lawyers will net you 2 good ones, 1000 lawyers 3 good ones and so forth.

Slashdot comment

WorkSlashdot Comment

What would Jesus do?


What *would* Jesus do?

Oh my god.

"They felt Jesus would not have approved of copyright breaches."

Jesus, you da man! Stick it to those kids!

You might be interested to note that the students had studied "Exodus 20:15 - you shall not steal" which comes a little way before Jesus anyway. Wasn't the whole point of Jesus coming to make the "new commandment" that people "love one another as I have loved you" and to annul the previous commandments that were given to Moses? I was raised Christian and was Christian for a long time but now am not, but I can't quite remember the specifics of this point.

Anyway, the point is that Jesus probably would have told them to stick Exodus to the man and just get on with the lovin'. Or something.

liedra in a blog post.

WorkBlog Post

Geeky "Your Momma's So Fat" Jokes


LeoNerddefc0n-: Make sure to use a nice tight knot, so your joined thread doesn't fall apart
Somnithread jokes, how droll
* LeoNerdgrins "I have a whole stack of them waiting here.."
defc0n-C jokes are worse, a la if (malloc(sizeof(yourmom_t)) == NULL) printf("error: mom too fat\n");
idiotbenjoke? hell thats good logic! =P Your
idiotbenYour momma so fat, the bitch needs PAE to fit in memory w/o using up swap
idiotbenyo momma so fat, your dad has to run RHEL4's "hugemem" kernel
idiotbenyour mom is sooooo fat! everyone she comes in contact with has a buffer overflow!
LeoNerd… she needs 64k cluster size?
LeoNerd(going for a combined fat/FAT joke there)
TaglineGeeky "Your Momma's So Fat" Jokes - Managed C++


Michael Frame:

Managed C++… there’s a pile of hate. Let’s take all the complexity and bad design in C++, and throw away the speed and efficiency by compiling it to .NET interpreted pseudocode instead. Microsoft has such great ideas when it comes to languages.

To which in reply, Yossi Kreinin:

What’s there not to like with C++/CLI? You can have macros expanding to templates from which generics are generated, and then have classes generated from the generics. And these classes can have a close function and two destructors, and hold references to unmanaged pointers to managed pointers! With C++, you only have duplicate features, but with C++/CLI, you can finally have triplicate ones! You see, this is a language for an expert. Experts love having 3 different ways to do things, each broken in its own way. Blog Post


I think you'll find that the [Windows] Desktop Search is completely inseparable from the desktop and that the latter would be rendered completely useless if it is uninstalled. Just like IE is.

speaker of the truth in

Authorspeaker of the truth
WorkSlashdot Comment

A mouse is a device


A mouse is a device used to point at the xterm you want to type in.


Writing a Mailing List Manager from Scratch


Apart from the fact that I congratulate you for writing bugless software without peer review, I also congratulate you for being able to write a fully RFC compliant MLM that won't blow up when you receive input you didn't account for.

Quite frankly, even a crappy sysadmin can get a reasonable mailman setup working (including nice archiving), quicker than the best coder can rewrite a full MLM from scratch. And you still have time left over to modify/fix/improve mailman to do the few things it didn't do quite right for you.

But if your attitude to coding is "I'd rather rewrite all this than soiling my eyes and hands looking at someone else's code", that's not a very good way to get hired anywhere as a coder, and even if you are super brilliant, you end up being a DJB that people snicker at with "that guy thinks he's so bright that he had to write his own libc" (instead of fixing/wrapping the few problematic pieces of them, and in the case of reasonable maintainers, contributing the code back).

AuthorMarc Merlin
Worklinux-elitists blog post

"Not doing it for money"


We're not just doing it for money…We're doing it for a shitload of money!

Excerpt from Spaceballs

AuthorMel Brooks

"%s on %s" on Freenode's #perl


asarchIs there any web application framework for Perl? Something ala Ruby on Rails
integralasarch: Jifty and Catalyst and lots more!
archon-asarch: catalyst
integralfor example CGI::Application.
Yaakovasarch: Perl on Pontoons.
integralJifty is closer to Rails than Catalyst is
integralCatalyst is like Lego, Jifty is like that not-Lego stuff that sucks :-)
asarchThanks Yaakov
asarchLet me see…
integralWhy can't you just use Rails? Too slow? Too crap?
asarchlol :-D
YaakovRuby on Rails will always seem like Ruby on Crack to me, thanks to that promotional video…
integralHaskell on Highways
YaakovLogo on Logs
YaakovPHP on PCP
integralBCPL on Boats
integralThey should bring back BCPL
YaakovJCL on Jets
anno-cobol on cobbles
YaakovAlgol on Airplanes
YaakovSnobol on Snowmobiles
YaakovAda on Armored Transports
Tagline%s on %s

Slashdot: Response to "BBC Creates 'Perl on Rails'"


Slasdhot Response to "BBC Creates 'Perl on Rails'":

This is proof that there is a conspiracy to make up absurd programming shenanigans to sell overpriced door stoppers! Coming soon…

  • "Perl on Rails for Dummies"
  • "Perl on Rails for Idiots"
  • "Perl on Rails Bible"
  • "Perl on Rails in 24 Hours"
  • "Perl on Rails in a Nutshell"
  • "Perl on Rails: The Missing Manual"

…at a bookstore near you to burn a hole in your wallet!

WorkSlashdot Comment

"Worse is Better" (Larry Wall)


Among the generalists, the conventional wisdom is that the worse-is-better approach is more adaptive. Personally, I get a little tired of the argument: My worse-is-better is better than your worse-is-better because I'm better at being worser! Is it really true that the worse-is-better approach always wins? With Perl 6 we're trying to sneak one better-is-better cycle in there and hope to come out ahead before reverting to the tried and true worse-is-better approach. Whether that works, only time will tell.

Larry Wall in "State of the Onion 11"

AuthorLarry Wall
WorkState of the Onion 11

Too many Freenode #perl cooks.


ew73I have discovered another benefit to the unemployed status!
ew73I can cook whenever I want.
siliew73: cooking with… imagination?
ew73sili: I'm actually quite good at teh cookingz.
ew73no :(
siliI guess that explains why you're unemployed :p
ew73That was mean!
siliit's not like I stole your bike
ew73That also would be mean.
phroggygood cooking impresses the ladies a lot more than good programming.
utopia_depends on the lady
phroggy(any present female company excepted, of course)
jdv79phroggy: except when you don't have any money
ew73phroggy: But imagine, a good cook AND a good programmer.
siliI can cook some stuff.
phroggyjdv79: yeah, that nixes the deal. I have that problem too.
jdv79its a start
ew73"Here's my recipie for mushroom stir-fry. And HERE's the source for my nutritional database system."
jimew73: so when you load the data model, do you get the recipe free?
ew73jim: Geek.
* jimlooks around…
jimlike yer any different :)
TaglineToo many Freenode #perl cooks.

Security by perl-deprivation on Freenode's #perl.


→FilipeMendeshas joined #perl
FilipeMendesany way to avoid having users running perl? I need specify who can or who can not
dondelelcaroFilipeMendes: uh… why?
FilipeMendessecurity purposes
maukechmod 0 /usr/bin/perl
dondelelcaroquestion repeated, with more emphasis and incredulity
FilipeMendesi want specify some users
CaelumFilipeMendes: why would you not want users running perl?
FilipeMendeschmod wouldnt be useful
dkrFilipeMendes: chmod 750 /usr/bin/perl; chgrp leet /usr/bin/perl; and put the leet people in that group ?
dondelelcaroyou realize that any user who wants can just stick their own perl executable there?
go|dfishFilipeMendes: ACL , maybe.
dkralso your system scripts might rely on it
dondelelcaro(and probably all of the users actually end up using perl?)
dkrmodify the perl code to have it exit based on checking a uid whitelist. :)
dkrchange the name to something obscure only the cool people know
dkrrealize that removing tools does not remove abilities and give up
maukethe _ means it's private!
dkrmauke: :D
TaglineSecurity by perl-deprivation

"It was 20 years ago today…"


It was 20 years ago today
Larry Wall taught some text to play
It's been going in & out of style
But it's stuck around for quite a while()
So may I introduce to you
The tool you've loved for all these years
Larry's Practical Extract & Report Laaaanguage

It's Larry's Practical Extract Report Lang
5.10 still has some bugs to fix
Larry's Practical Extract Report Lang
Don't ask for a date for version 6…
on Perl's 20th Birthday

AuthorAndy Lester
WorkPerl's 20th Birthday

Linus Torvalds: The Purpose of Holidays


The regression list keeps shrinking, so we're still on track for a full 2.6.24 release in early January. Assuming we don't all overeat during the holidays and nobody gets any work done. But we all know that the holidays are really the time when we get away from the boring "real work", and can spend 24/7 on kernel hacking instead, right?

Here's to a merry christmas, doing the whole druidic festival around the tree thing.

Linus Torvalds announcing Linux Kernel prepatch 2.6.24-rc6

AuthorLinus Torvalds
WorkAnnouncing Linux Kernel prepatch 2.6.24-rc6

Counter-qouting Jamie Zawinski


Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use regular expressions." Now they have two problems.

--Jamie Zawinski, in comp.lang.emacs

— OMouse in

Some people, when confronted with regular expressions, always think "I know, I'll paste that Jamie Zawinski quote, and people will think I'm clever!"

These people have a problem.

— dmd in

WorkReddit Comment

Boxing on Freenode's #perl


BinGOsmst: doh.
BinGOsmst++ # thinking outside the box.
dwumst++ # utterly destroying the box.

DJB on Command Interfaces


I have discovered that there are two types of command interfaces in the world of computing: good interfaces and user interfaces.

Daniel J. Bernstein (DJB) in

AuthorDaniel J. Bernstein (DJB)
Work"The qmail security guarantee"

Slashdot: Xeno's Paradox


Xeno's paradox is easily disproved in three steps:

  1. Get crossbow and bolt.
  2. Aim crossbow at Xeno.
  3. Fire.

If the bolt moves to Xeno, then it is proved that movement is possible. Also, Xeno will be dead. Win win situation.

WorkSlashdot Comment

Linus Torvalds: "The Patch Fell…"


I bow down before you.

I thought I had done some rather horrible things with gcc built-ins and macros, but I hereby hand over my crown to you.

As my daughter would say: that patch fell out of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down. Very impressive.

AuthorLinus Torvalds

jerryleecooper on Windows


Are you saying that this linux can run on a computer without windows underneath it, at all ? As in, without a boot disk, without any drivers, and without any services ?

That sounds preposterous to me.

If it were true (and I doubt it), then companies would be selling computers without a windows. This clearly is not happening, so there must be some error in your calculations. I hope you realise that windows is more than just Office ? Its a whole system that runs the computer from start to finish, and that is a very difficult thing to acheive. A lot of people dont realise this.

Microsoft just spent $9 billion and many years to create Vista, so it does not sound reasonable that some new alternative could just snap into existence overnight like that. It would take billions of dollars and a massive effort to achieve. IBM tried, and spent a huge amount of money developing OS/2 but could never keep up with Windows. Apple tried to create their own system for years, but finally gave up recently and moved to Intel and Microsoft.

Its just not possible that a freeware like the Linux could be extended to the point where it runs the entire computer fron start to finish, without using some of the more critical parts of windows. Not possible.

I think you need to re-examine your assumptions.

WorkTalkback on ZDNet

Slashdot: Keep Modding up this Joke


I mean really, after the first 6143569056076952107294386875907695350 times maybe it was worthy of a chuckle, but to keep on modding up this joke suggests some form of psychosis.

Wait, I'll put this in a way that you mods can understand:

  1. go to slashdot
  2. find a story
  3. find a comment on that story
  4. post a tired, old, lame-ass joke for the 9 billionth time
  5. ???????

Ok, I followed the silly meme, where's my +5 Funny?

AuthorAnonymous Coward
WorkSlashdot Comment

Linux Genuine Advantage #1


Linux Genuine Advantage™ is an exciting and mandatory new way for you to place your computer under the remote control of an untrusted third party!

According to an independent study conducted by some scientists, many users of Linux are running non-Genuine versions of their operating system. This puts them at the disadvantage of having their computers work normally, without periodically phoning home unannounced to see if it's OK for their computer to continue functioning. These users are also missing out on the Advantage of paying ongoing licensing fees to ensure their computer keeps operating properly.

To remedy this, we have created a new program available as a required free download: Linux Genuine Advantage™!

Finally! Linux users can experience a feature that until now remained the exclusive domain of proprietary software.

Once you've installed Linux Genuine Advantage™, you'll want to register and send in your licensing fees to receive these important benefits:

  • Your computer, which worked just fine before, will continue functioning normally!
  • Our software which you just installed will not disable logins on your computer (as long as our license server keeps working properly)!
  • It's totally awesome! We might not raise the yearly licensing fees in the future!

Plus, if you act now, we promise not to launch unfounded lawsuits against you, slander you or our competitors in the press and the courts (possibly by using other smaller companies as pawns), or require you to pay us for software you won't use on every new computer you buy!

WorkLinux Genuine Advantage

Linux Genuine Advantage #2


Get the Linux Genuine Advantage!

Did you wake up this morning and say "I wish someone would figure out a way to let me do less with my computer"? You've come to the right place!

WorkLinux Genuine Advantage

Linux Genuine Advantage - News


08/25/2007 - The Windows Genuine Advantage servers went down worldwide, marking any Windows machines as pirated during Microsoft's server outage. Meanwhile, the Linux Genuine Advantage™ activation server was up the whole time. Truly another victory for Open Source software! Microsoft, contact us if you'd like to license Linux Genuine Advantage™, we'd love to enter into a lucrative licensing agreement. With the money you save, you could put the WGA programmers onto other tasks, like improving Vista!

02/03/2007 - The Linux Genuine Advantage™ crack is spreading! Someone uploaded it to The Pirate Bay! Looks like it's time to get more involved in Swedish politics from across the globe!

02/02/2007 - Linux Genuine Advantage™ has been cracked by computer hackers! Rather than improving our software, we'll be sending our team of intimidating lawyers to pay them a visit.

WorkLinux Genuine Advantage

Larry Wall: Manipulexity and Whipuptitude


If you were a Unix programmer you either programmed in C or shell. And there really wasn't much in between. There were these little languages that we used on top of shell, but that was the big divide. The big revelation that hatched Perl, as it were, was that this opened up into a two-dimensional space. And C was good at something I like to call manipulexity, that is the manipulation of complex things. While shell was good at something else which I call whipuptitude, the aptitude for whipping things up.

So Perl was hatched. As a small egg. That was Perl 1. And it was designed from the very beginning to evolve. The fact that we put sigils in front of the variables meant that the namespaces were protected from new keywords. And that was intentional, so we could evolve the language fairly rapidly without impacting.

And it evolved… And it evolved… And finally we got to Perl 5. And… So… Perhaps the Perl 6 slogan should be "All Your Paradigms Are Belong To Us". We'll get to that.

AuthorLarry Wall
WorkPresent Continuous, Future Perfect

Larry Wall's "My Own Irrationationalities"


So I'd like to start off with my own irrationalities.

I don't think syntax should dangle in the wind. I'm with Aristotle. I think things should have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Which means I like K&R bracketing. I do not like the way that Python hangs stuff out there, with no end.

I think that ordinary people dislike abstraction. That's because I dislike abstraction and I think I'm ordinary. (laughter) I might be wrong about that, but I don't know.

I simultaneously believe that languages are wonderful and awful. You have to hold both of those. Ugly things can be beautiful. And beautiful can get ugly very fast. You know, take Lisp. You know, it's the most beautiful language in the world. At least up until Haskell came along. (laughter) But, you know, every program in Lisp is just ugly. I don't figure how that works.

I think visual metaphors are very important. How it looks. Different things should look different. Similar things should look similar. A language designer simultaneously has to care what other people think, and has to not care what other people think. Otherwise you go crazy. Well, crazier. (laughter)

And finally, I think God has free will. And therefore he created programmers with free will and that they ought to be given choices.

AuthorLarry Wall
WorkPresent Continuous, Future Perfect

Larry Wall's "Irrationalities of Other Languages"


Now, I'm not the only language designer with irrationalities. You can think of some languages to go with some of these things.

  • "We've got to start over from scratch" - Well, that's almost any academic language you find.
  • "English phrases" - Well that's Cobol. You know, cargo cult English. (laughter)
  • "Text processing doesn't matter much" - Fortran.
  • "Simple languages produce simple solutions" - C.
  • "If I wanted it fast, I'd write it in C" - That's almost a direct quote from the original awk page.
  • "I thought of a way to do it so it must be right" - That's obviously PHP. (laughter and applause)
  • "You can build anything with NAND gates" - Any language designed by an electrical engineer. (laughter)
  • "This is a very high level language, who cares about bits?" - The entire scope of fourth generation languages fell into this… problem.
  • "Users care about elegance" - A lot of languages from Europe tend to fall into this. You know, Eiffel.
  • "The specification is good enough" - Ada.
  • "Abstraction equals usability" - Scheme. Things like that.
  • "The common kernel should be as small as possible" - Forth.
  • "Let's make this easy for the computer" - Lisp. (laughter)
  • "Most programs are designed top-down" - Pascal. (laughter)
  • "Everything is a vector" - APL.
  • "Everything is an object" - Smalltalk and its children. (whispered:) Ruby. (laughter)
  • "Everything is a hypothesis" - Prolog. (laughter)
  • "Everything is a function" - Haskell. (laughter)
  • "Programmers should never have been given free will" - Obviously, Python. (laughter)

So my psychological conjecture is that normal people, if they perceive that a computer language is forcing them to learn theory, they won't like it. In other words, hide the fancy stuff. It can be there, just hide it.

AuthorLarry Wall
WorkPresent Continuous, Future Perfect

Larry Wall - Taking a Trip


Back to dimensionality. When you are saying something linguistically, it's like taking a trip. You know, when you take a trip from California to Netanya, you don't go straight south and then straight west and then straight north. It's not orthogonal. There are little bits at the beginning. Then you take bigger hops on the planes and then you take littler hops at the end. Language works the same way, it's fractal. There is little orthogonality. At least apparently; you can have orthogonal views of it, there are orthogonal subsets. But there are multiple orthogonal subsets. At first glance it just looks like a network, and you have to navigate the geography.

AuthorLarry Wall
WorkPresent Continuous, Future Perfect

Larry Wall - "Anthropology"


Now in terms of the anthropology we try to welcome people into the tribe. We allow people to have their own little fiefdoms, where they are the ruler and can beat up on their followers.

We try to let people share with each other. We try to capture knowledge. Both of those things are why we have the CPAN, Comprehensive Perl Archive Network, which is arguably one of the greatest repositories of reusable crappy software in the world. (laughter).

And we have a culture of cooperating with other cultures too. We try to make Parrot so that other languages can ran on top of that. We've always tried to hook up Perl with everything. In kind of a humble sort of way. And finally it's culture of fun. At least we try to make it that way. And that's why I give weird talks.

AuthorLarry Wall
WorkPresent Continuous, Future Perfect

Linus Torvalds: Hardware for Servers


So, everybody has a different idea. Everybody also has different hardware. The desktop is also where all the hardware really exists. Servers have 1% of the hardware that the desktop has in terms of different drivers and things like that. You don’t find webcams on servers generally. You don’t find oddball IDE drives on servers.

AuthorLinus Torvalds
WorkInterview, Part II

Slashdot: High-Quality Microsoft Products


«had been responsible for the 'production and distribution of more than 90 percent of the high-quality counterfeit Microsoft software products.»

Why doesn't MSFT sell these "high-quality" products instead of the crap they've been selling us for years.

WorkSlashdot Comment

Timezone'd on Freenode's #perl


x86can someone tell me what this epoch translates to in %Y-%m-%d format? 1202256000
integraleval: POSIX::strftime("%Y-%m-%d", gmtime(1202256000))
buubotintegral: 2008-02-06
integralnote that if you're not specifying timezone you're in for a world of hate
integralerr, *pain
iankI will dump butter on you unless you specify tz.
iankAlso if you do specify tz.
iankFuck it, I will dump butter on you, fullstop.
integraldon't waste good butter on them, try margarine

CPAN is your Friend (or Enemy) on Frenode's #perl


x86DateTime::Format::Strptime is not one of the core modules
iankboo hoo cpan it
apeiron"i (can't|don't want to) use external modules"
iank(If only we had some sort of comprehensive archive network.. for perl stuff.. complete with a convenient tool you could use to easily fetch, build, and install modules!)
iankapeiron: "oh, but you're a dumbass"
iank"carry on then"
simcop2387-labiank! i know i'll call it Ruby on Rails!
integralwell, it'd be different if CPAN and CPANPLUS really were convenient.
x86POSIX::strptime is not a core module either
x86this sucks
apeironSend patches or shut up. :)
integralapt-get : cpan :: brilliant : annoying
iankthis : pretentious and awkward :: 1 : 1
x86iank: not so conveinent when you're writing software to be deployed on 100 servers and you dont want to have to install the same module 100 times
integralbundle it with your app.
iankx86: stop failing at sysadmining
iankOr that.
integralThey're also pure-perl so this is very, very trivial.
integralWe have PARs which are jsut like Java's JARs for even more deployability win
mstand people have this retarded obsession with only using core
mstI mean, anybody who does perl for a living grows out of it pretty fucking fast
mstbut there's always colossal whining the first time you tell someone to get something from CPAN
integralBut due to my last point, PAR isn't as well known as it should be
mstx86: thanks for being today's example :)
TaglineCPAN is your Friend (or Enemy)

As long as you don't resort to violence on Freenode's #perl


mrmccrac-GumbyBRAIN: who is man bear pig?
GumbyBRAINMan i need to get a modification of a fried pig and eating without my hands wouldn't be "too much bacon" for me; i don't know what @inc is?
iankmrmccrac-: he is half man, and half bearpig.
* shaldannonis half man, half asleep
iankHalf ass leap?
iankWhat's a leap?
* shaldannonstabs iank
* iankpunches shaldannon
* shaldannonkicks iank in the groin
* iankpasses out from the pain
TaglineAs long as you don't resort to violence

chromatic: Choice of Syntax


If choice of syntax were the main factor of the maintainability of existing code, wouldn't the comment mantra be "Comment what you're doing, not why"?

You can look up syntax in the language's documentation.

WorkChoice of Syntax

Mark Jason Dominus - "More about How to Ask a Good Question"


I don't have many examples where the author really blew it, because I try not to answer those questions. I figure that even if I don't, someone else will come along and say ``Because you can't just make shit up and expect the computer to magically know what you mean, Retardo!''. And even if nobody does come along and say this, that's not a bad thing.

AuthorMark Jason Dominus
Work"More about How to Ask a Good Question"

Light Bulb Joke


Q: How many hardware engineers does it take to replace a lightbulb?

A: None! We'll fix it in software.

AuthorUnknown Author
WorkLightbulb Jokes - Computers

Linux Kernel Module's Programmer Guide: Beginning Programmers


When the first caveman programmer chiseled the first program on the walls of the first cave computer, it was a program to paint the string `Hello, world' in Antelope pictures. Roman programming textbooks began with the `Salut, Mundi' program. I don't know what happens to people who break with this tradition, but I think it's safer not to find out. We'll start with a series of hello world programs that demonstrate the different aspects of the basics of writing a kernel module.

AuthorOri Pomerantz
WorkLinux Kernel Module's Programmer Guide

chromatic - "Program vs. Script" - #1


The difference between a program and a script isn't as subtle as most people think. A script is interpreted, and a program is compiled.

Of course, there's no reason you can't write a compiler that immediately executes the compiled form of a program without writing compilation artifacts to disk, but that's an implementation detail, and precision in technical matters is important.

Though Perl 5, for example, doesn't write out the artifacts of compilation to disk and Java and .Net do, Perl 5 is clearly an interpreter even though it evaluates the compiled form of code in the same way that the JVM and the CLR do. Why? Because it's a scripting language.

Okay, that's a facetious explanation.

The difference between a program and a script is if there's native compilation available in at least one widely-used implementation. Thus Java before the prevalence of even the HotSpot JVM and its JIT was a scripting language and now it's a programming language, except that you can write a C interpreter that doesn't have a JIT and C programs become scripts.

Work"Program vs. Script"

chromatic - "Program vs. Script" - #2


Of course, if someone were to write an extra optimizer step for Perl 5 to evaluate certain parts of the optree and generate native code in memory on certain platforms without writing it out to disk (uh oh…) and then execute that code under certain conditions, all Perl 5 scripts would automatically turn into programs. You know, like .pmc files, or Python's .pyc files. Uh.

As well, if more people use Punie (Perl 1 on Parrot) this year than native Perl 1 -- a possibility -- then Perl 1 scripts automatically become Perl 1 programs because Punie can use Parrot's JIT. I don't know if this powerful upgrade from script to program is retroactive, but I see no reason why not.

Perl 5 scripts were briefly programs while Ponie was viable, but the removal of the code from the Parrot tree has now downgraded them back to scripts. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Work"Program vs. Script"

chromatic - "Program vs. Script" - #3


To summarize, if you have a separate compilation step visible to developers, you have programs. If not, you have scripts. An exception is that if you have a separate, partial compilation step at runtime and not visible to users, then you may have programs. The presence of one implementation that performs additional compilationy thingies at runtime instantly upgrades all scripts to programs, while the presence of an interpreter for a language in which people normally write programs, not scripts, does not downgrade programs to scripts. Program-ness is sticky.

I hope this is now clear.

Ironically some JavaScript implementations have JITs, so the colloquial name of the language should change from JavaScript to JavaProgram.

Script bad, four-legs good.

Work"Program vs. Script"

Stroustrup on Ease of Use


I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true - I no longer know how to use my telephone.

AuthorBjarne Stroustrup
WorkMy Other New Computer (Replacement Model)

Moving Pianos


Moving pianos is dangerous.
Moving pianos are dangerous.

AuthorLanguage Log
Work"Nearly All Strings of Words are Ungrammatical"

"Real men don't"


> Someone here said "Real Men use LaTeX". So I'll add:
> * "Real men don't install Wine"
> * "Real men don't watch T.V."

Real men don't listen to sentences that start with "Real men don't". Comment

"Let a Thousand Flowers Bloom"


I have to say I cringed a little when I read it, because it helps reinforce the idea that there's a sort of Perl Hierarchy, or that there are Perl Gods, or that "you must be this tall to ride".

Randal and I are just normal ol' Perl hackers. We just spend a lot of time on Perl, and writing about it, and talking about it. The only reason we are Perl luminaries is that we are Perl luminaries. I'm not necessarily a better programmer, or have better ideas, or I'm a better debugger than anyone else. I just do it and make noise about it.

Even though Joey's response was out of line, I admire his spirit of "I'm just going to go do it." TMTOWTDI is one of the cardinal rules of Perl. Similarly, over on the module-authors list, the perennial argument of "Maybe CPAN should have minimum requirements for posting modules" has raised its ugly head. Instead, I said what I always say during these arguments: "CPAN thrives BECAUSE of the unfettered uploading of shit, not in spite of it."

So to it will be with Joey's website. Maybe it will be a dismal failure. Maybe it will become the Next Great Perl resource. However, I know that there is zero chance of Next Great Perl resource if he doesn't try. The only way you get home runs is by stepping up to the plate, and if you strike out, you're doing pretty good. Batting 3/10 is a great batting average, but in real life we find those odds terrifying.

Personally, as much as I like the community around Perlmonks, I think it's a terrible site for new people, and is practically unsearchable. I'd love to see something leapfrog Perlmonks and become the Next Great Thing. That's why I stopped writing to, because I think it's a terrible news source. Instead, I started, and went with that. Yes, it's different, but that's OK.

Let a thousand flowers bloom!

AuthorAndy Lester
Work"Let a thousand flowers bloom"

What do you do with ideas?


jrockway"omg i have web 2.0 photoship skillz AND LOVE TEH GIT LETS MAKE A STARTUP!!!11!!"
awwaiidit drops my cool-concept impressedness of github like 100 points
jrockwaythat's the rails mentailty
jrockway"i have an idea, so i'm going to make a company"
jrockwaycompared to the perl version, "i have an idea, so I'm going to write a module"
awwaiidis that why we're all poor?
jrockwayawwaiid: no, starting companies is not how you get rich :)
TaglineWhat do you do with an idea?

Manipulating People Using Perl


Khisanth<insert obligatory disclaimer about parsing HTML with regex>
BotjeKhisanth =~ s/disclaimer/death threat/
KhisanthI can live with that
Botjeooh, i got write access on Khisanth
BotjeKhisanth =~ s/must sleep/must give Botje all my money/
Botjeand now we play the waiting game … >:)
afallenhopeBotje, write&
* Khisanthgives all of Botje's money to himself
BotjeKhisanth: that's not supposed to happen!
* Botjeresets the universe
Khisanthbuggy code
snegtulno such thing Khisanth! =)
snegtulthe bugs are a lie!
TaglineManipulating People with Perl Mono Syllabic Review


Win95 - Wow!
Win98 - Oh
WinMe - Ow!
Win2k - Oooh
WinXp - Meh
Vista - Doh!

This mono-syllabic review brought to you by the letter 'W' and the number '7'

WorkI can't imagine saying "oh, wow!" about

Cats and Computer Trees


pkruminsPrim's algorithm, om nom nom
f00li5hcats don't like being trapped in trees, is handy to know how to traverse one quickly!
pkruminsthe more tree traversal algorithms a kit knows, the sneakier the kit is
* f00li5hvisits every node, traveling on the minium weighted edges
pkruminssneaky kit
TaglineCats and Computer Trees

"Stumble on a Wiki Page"


Surely there's a better way, no?

Ask the maintainers of M::B, EU::MM and M::I to all export a `halt` function that does just this? That would also provide a convenient spot in the respective modules’ docs for related CPAN Testers arcana, so people wouldn’t have to stumble onto a wiki page in the bottom of a locked cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying “beware the leopard” in order to learn these trivia.

AuthorAristotle Pagaltzis
WorkRe: cpantesters - why exit(0)?

Samuel Beckett - Ever Tried


Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter.

Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

AuthorSamuel Beckett
WorkWorstward Ho

Larry Wall on Ada Lovelace


Suppose you went back to Ada Lovelace and asked her the difference between a script and a program. She'd probably look at you funny, then say something like: Well, a script is what you give the actors, but a program is what you give the audience. That Ada was one sharp lady…

AuthorLarry Wall
Work"Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"

Larry Wall on BASIC


Now, however it was initially intended, I think BASIC turned out to be one of the first major scripting languages, especially the extended version that DEC put onto its minicomputers called BASIC/PLUS, which happily included recursive functions with arguments. I started out as a BASIC programmer. Some people would say that I'm permanently damaged. Some people are undoubtedly right.

But I'm not going to apologize for that. All language designers have their occasional idiosyncrasies. I'm just better at it than most. :-)

Anyway, when I was a RSTS programmer on a PDP-11, I certainly treated BASIC as a scripting language, at least in terms of rapid prototyping and process control. I'm sure it warped my brain forever. Perl's statement modifiers are straight out of BASIC/PLUS. It even had some cute sigils on the ends of its variables to distinguish string and integer from floating point.

But you could do extreme programming. In fact, I had a college buddy I did pair programming with. We took a compiler writing class together and studied all that fancy stuff from the dragon book. Then of course the professor announced we would be implementing our own language, called PL/0. After thinking about it a while, we announced that we were going to do our project in BASIC. The professor looked at us like were insane. Nobody else in the class was using BASIC. And you know what? Nobody else in the class finished their compiler either. We not only finished but added I/O extensions, and called it PL 0.5. That's rapid prototyping.

AuthorLarry Wall
Work"Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"

Larry Wall - JAM (no not that one)


My first scripting language was written in BASIC. For my job in the computer center I wrote a language that I called JAM, short for Jury-rigged All-purpose Meta-language. Story of my life…

JAM was an inside-out text-processing language much like PHP, except that HTML hadn't been invented yet. We mostly used it as a fancy macro processor for BASIC. Unlike PHP, it did not have 3,000 functions in one namespace. We wouldn't have had the memory, for one thing.

AuthorLarry Wall
Work"Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"

Larry Wall - LISP


For good or ill, when I went off to grad school, I studied linguistics, so the only computer language I used there was LISP. It was my own personal McCarthy era.

Is LISP a candidate for a scripting language? While you can certainly write things rapidly in it, I cannot in good conscience call LISP a scripting language. By policy, LISP has never really catered to mere mortals.

And, of course, mere mortals have never really forgiven LISP for not catering to them.

AuthorLarry Wall
Work"Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"

Larry Wall - Common Memes Floating Around


I think, to most people, scripting is a lot like obscenity. I can't define it, but I'll know it when I see it. Here are some common memes floating around:

Simple language
"Everything is a string"
Rapid prototyping
Glue language
Process control
Domain specific
"Batteries included"

…I don't see any real center here, at least in terms of technology. If I had to pick one metaphor, it'd be easy onramps. And a slow lane. Maybe even with some optional fast lanes.

AuthorLarry Wall
Work"Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"

chromatic - Perl's reliable state of the art


That's not helpful. When a project doesn't release a new version, some people say "Oh, don't use it! They don't release new versions!" When a project does release a new version, some people say "Oh, don't use it! It's not perfect yet!"

Meanwhile, the so-called reliable state of the art is a jumble of Perl which writes cross platform shell scripts to install Perl code, and you customize that by writing a superclass from which platform-specific modules inherit pseudo-methods which use regular expressions to search and replace cross-platform cross-shell code, with all of the cross-platform and cross-shell quoting issues that entails. I wish I were making any of this up. (I wrote tests for part of it.)

This is why we can't have nice things.

Work"Re: Module::Build 0.30 is released"

"Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You" and more


Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country

-- John F. Kennedy (from his Inaugural Address).

The common good before the private good.

-- One of the slogans of Nazism in Nazi Germany.

AuthorBased on a page on an Objectivism Site
WorkGlossary of Nazi Germany in the Wikipedia

What are You Trying to Achieve?


sQuEEeval: [qr/^(\d)(?{ "x{$1}" })$/]
buubotsQuEE: [qr/(?-xism:^(\d)(?{ "x{$1}" })$)/]
* maukelooks at sQuEE
fizztpok_Man, I always feel like I'm getting the hang of Perl until I see nonsense like that.
maukewhat are you trying to do?
sQuEEim trying to eval qr/$regex/ which contains ^(\d)(??{ "x{$1}" })$ , but $@ returns null
maukeno, what are you actually trying to do?
iksQuEE: what is the point of doing the thing that you are doing?
sQuEEno, thats just a testing example
sQuEEim trying to assign $regex what i captured from a previous match using qr// , eval { $regex = qr/$2/ };
sQuEEim not sure what im doing wrong
maukeI'm not interested in what you're doing; what are you trying to achieve?
ikYou're capturing a regex with a regex and attempting to use said regex?
ikI hope the data you're matching isn't input :(
PerlJammauke: I'm trying to achieve world peace and this regex is the last thing standing in my way! ;)
Khisanththere will be no world peace!
* Khisanthstabs PerlJam
DrForrCan I at least have whirled peas?
* PerlJamfires up the whirly gig for DrForr and inserts some peas
* Khisanthdumps a bowl of whirled peas on DrForr's head
DrForrMmm, whirled peas.
Tagline"What are you trying to achieve?"

What's the Difference Between JavaScript and Java?


What's the difference between JavaScript and Java?

One is essentially a toy, designed for writing small pieces of code, and traditionally used and abused by inexperienced programmers.

The other is a scripting language for web browsers.

AuthorShog9 Question

"R is similar…"


R is similar to other programming languages, like C, Java and Perl, in that it helps people perform a wide variety of computing tasks by giving them access to various commands.

New York Times article about R, quoted in jest's journal -

Work"Worst sentence ever written about programming in the MSM"

"A discussion is not a war"


tk: A discussion is not a war, to be won or lost. It is a communal quest for truth. And you are inhibiting it by responding at only the most superficial level. Look beyond the presence of a word to its context. Respond to the thoughts expressed there. Or simply leave.

Work"What does 'lose' mean?" (Comment on an Advogato Article)

"Someone is Wrong"


mstbut jrockway will bitch about them all anyway
stevanrhesa: 100% of those with the last name "Rockway" will do that
rjbsSubject: catalyst framework not compatible with PERL
jrockwaystevan: i am going to name my kid "Someone is WRONG"
stevanjrockway: I think that will be implied, no need to actually name him that
perigrinSomeone is WRONG rockway
perigrinhas a nice ring to it
Penfoldaka 'little Bobby wrong'?
rhesawould make a great children's book series: SiW in the zoo etc
stevanthe first one in the series should be Someone is Wrong on the internet
jrockwayrhesa: that is a great idea!
jrockwayrhesa: i have a friend who is writing a children's book
jrockwayi will tell her to change the title and content immediately!
jrockwaysomeone is wrong in the children's book industry!
rjbs"No, zookeeper. That animal doesn't have a tail; it's *not* a monkey!"
Tagline"Someone is Wrong"

Lightning Fast Objects


jrockwaybtw, feel free to LOL:
jrockwaywow, such concise code
jrockwayand i can FEEL THE SPEED from using arrays
rjbsbowl full of mush
rindolfjrockway: there was a discussion about using arrays as objects in module-authors.
jrockwayi read it and laughed
jrockway(yeah, someone is wrong on the internet, but i don't really care)
rjbsI use JSON strings as my objects, and define my classes in terms of regexps that pull out the right attributes.
rjbsIt makes the code portable to JavaScript, except the methods.
jrockwaygreat plan!
jrockwayregexps are fast in perl, because perl is designed for parsing text
rjbstx, can I add "endorsed by jon rockway" to my precis?
jrockwayoh yeah
jrockwayi recommend you reverse the JSON first, though, to provide better encapsulation
jrockwayotherwise people could read the objects… and that breaks encapsulation, dontchaknow
rjbsI use UTF-16 and rot4096.
jrockwayUTF-16 IS TOO SLOW!
jrockwayi can't believe we are even having this conversation… utf-16…
jrockwayi am never speaking to you again!
* rindolfwonders how one can combine JSON with inside-out objects.
rjbsjrockway: no, no, WITHOUT the bom
rjbsBOM is what makes it slow.
rjbsrindolf: sub id { my $self = shift; $json_parser_for{ $self }->decode($json_for{ $self })->{id} }
rindolfrjbs: LOL.
Dylanunicode: somebody set us up the BOM
rindolfWhere's the BOM? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering Ka-BOM!
rjbsI think Iran has it.
perigrinif it doesn't … Sen. McCain will introduce a bill to provide them with one
rjbsgive the bom bom bom, bom to Iran
rjbsfunnier if you pronounce Iran properly
perigriniran … iran so far away …
rindolfiRack -
autarchsomeone set us up the BOM
jnapiorkowskiI thought all our base waz ownzed or something like that
* confoundis the king of BOM
rjbswho's the BOM king?
confoundI'm the BOM king!
ubu"once i was the King of BOM"
rjbshear me now
TaglineLightning Fast Objects

"pgTAP 0.20 Infiltrates Community"


I did all I could to stop it, but it just wasn't possible. pgTAP 0.20 has somehow made its way from my Subversion server and infiltrated the PostgreSQL community. Can nothing be done to stop this menace? Its use leads to cleaner, more stable, and more-safely refctored code. This insanity must be stopped! Please review the following list of its added vileness since 0.19 to determine how you can stop the terrible, terrible influence on your PostgreSQL unit-testing practices that is pgTAP: …

Don't make the same mistake I did, where I wrote a lot of pgTAP tests for a client, and now testing database upgrades from 8.2 to 8.3 is just too reliable! And by all means, DO NOT read the documentation or download and install this monstrosity, since it could easily lead to cleaner, more stable code, and therefore losing your job!


Good luck with your mission.

AuthorDavid E. Wheeler
WorkpgTAP 0.20 Infiltrates Community

"I'm a Lesbian…"


I'm a Lesbian born in a man's body.

AuthorUnclear (origin needed)

If you have the same ideas as everybody else…


If you have the same ideas as everybody else, but have them one week earlier than everyone else - then you will be hailed as a visionary. But if you have them five years earlier, you will be named a lunatic.

— Barry Jones

AuthorBarry Jones
WorkBarry Jones Quotes

Great, mediocre and small minds


Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.

Unknown, quoted by Admiral Hyman G. Rickover

AuthorHyman G. Rickover
WorkHyman G. Rickover Quotes

Tail for the lions…


Better be a tail for the lions, rather than the head of the jackals.

Rabbi Mathiah Ben Charash in Pirkei Avot 4, 15

AuthorRabbi Mathiah Ben Charash
WorkPirkei Avot 4, 15

Learned a lot from my teachers


I learned a lot from my teachers, and from my friends more than my teachers, and from my pupils the most.

— Rabbi Hanina, the Talmud

AuthorRabi Hanina, The Jewish Talmud
Work"Three Levels of Learnings" (from "Thoughts about the Best Introductory (Programming) Language")

Slashdot: Internet Explorer is Perfectly Safe


I must dispute your view in the strongest terms possible. Internet Explorer is perfectly safe for everyday use. However, as there is no such thing as perfect security, you must take additional precautions to keep evil hackers away from your data. Apply these rules according to the sensitivity of your data, from least important to most:

  • Disconnect your computer from your local network. Download files on another computer, scan them for viruses, print them out, scan them into your Windows PC using OCR software, and then view the pages in IE.
  • Do the above, but have a priest onsite to bless each page individually before scanning it. This is an excellent deterrent against viruses with the word "demon" in the name.
  • Do the above, but encase your PC in acrylic and immerse it in a 10,000 gallon tank of holy water. Interact with it while wearing scuba gear.
  • Do the above, but put a lid on the tank and immerse it in the ocean. Interact with your PC via a submersible robot in the tank from from outside while wearing scuba gear.

If you fail to follow these simple security guidelines, you can't blame Microsoft for the results.
Work"Re: Breaking News" Slashdot Comment

What is an encyclopedia?


Yesterday I asked one of my students if she knew what an encyclopedia is, and she said: "Is it something like Wikipedia?".

WorkTwitter Twit

J. Hall in response to Dr. Judith Bauer


The move from a structuralist account in which capital is understood to structure social relations in relatively homologous ways to a view of hegemony in which power relations are subject to repetition, convergence, and rearticulation brought the question of temporality into the thinking of structure, and marked a shift from a form of Althusserian theory that takes structural totalities as theoretical objects to one in which the insights into the contingent possibility of structure inaugurate a renewed conception of hegemony as bound up with the contingent sites and strategies of the rearticulation of power.

By the eight brazen balls of Azuza the Bibulous Bandicoot, I'd rather be cast naked and chained into a lake of bubbling white hot fondue cheese than be one of her students.

That is, if she actually teaches anything at Berkeley [which can be, really, a lovely place full of very smart science people, theologians and historians, though you'd never know it by this whale's spout of academic doublespeak].

I suspect she sits on a lot of committees and inserts the word 'hegemony' into conversations as often as possible and is avoided at all costs during the holidays lest one become becalmed in the horse latitudes of her spleen regarding Christmas trees, "The Ref" and the hegemony of Zionist post-piety in a restructured universe of gender in-articulation.

For a full PhD at UCB in a language art, she cannot, and will not, though, write a simple, clear, understandable sentence. Think about that for a minute.

And to think my Cal state taxes pay for her office desk chair. Man.

Hegemoniously yours, etc.


AuthorJ. Hall
WorkPost to .

Valerie Aurora: Sleeping with the Enemy


Jonathan Schwartz’s resignation via Twitter reminded me of a strange facet of Sun company culture: I’ve never known so many married couples working for the same company. Some of them even worked on the same project together. For the same boss. From home.

Now, the exact percentage of married couples in a company can’t be used to compare companies directly – after all, it depends heavily on things like industry, age, and local marriage laws – but it seems linked to another facet of Sun company culture: Complete, almost embarrassing disconnect from public opinion.

The post-Google standard company perks – free food, on-site exercise classes, company shuttles – make it trivial to speak only to fellow employees in daily life. If you spend all day with your co-workers, socialize only with your co-workers, and then come home and eat dinner with – you guessed it – your co-worker, you might go several years without hearing the words, “Run Solaris on my desktop? Are you f—ing kidding me?

Schwartz’s “the financial crisis did it” explanation for Sun’s demise is a symptom of an inbred company culture in which employees at all levels voluntarily isolated themselves from the larger Silicon Valley culture. Tech journalists write incessantly about the exchange of expertise and best practice between companies as a major driver of the Bay area’s success. But you have to actually talk to your competition to do that – over a beer, or maybe a pillow.

AuthorValerie Aurora
Work"Sleeping with the enemy"

All American Rejects - "Gives You Hell" Quote


And truth be told I miss you.

And truth be told I'm lying.

AuthorThe All American Rejects
Work"Gives You Hell" Lyrics

Rob Pike's Answer to "One Tool for One Job"


One tool for one job?

Given the nature of current operating systems and applications, do you think the idea of "one tool doing one job well" has been abandoned? If so, do you think a return to this model would help bring some innovation back to software development?

(It's easier to toss a small, single-purpose app and start over than it is to toss a large, feature-laden app and start over.)

Rob Pike: Those days are dead and gone and the eulogy was delivered by Perl.

AuthorRob Pike
WorkSlashdot Interview

Larry Wall about Do One Thing and Do it Well


Or think about shell programming, and reductionism. How many times have we heard the mantra that a program should do one thing and do it well?

Well…Perl does one thing, and does it well. What it does well is to integrate all its features into one language. More importantly, it does this without making them all look like each other. Ducts shouldn't look like girders, and girders shouldn't look like ducts. Neither of those should look like water pipes, and it's really important that water pipes not look like sewer pipes. Or smell like sewer pipes. Modernism says that we should make all these things look the same (and preferably invisible). Postmodernism says it's okay for them to stick out, and to look different, because a duct ought to look like a duct, and a sewer pipe ought to look like a sewer pipe, and hammer ought to look like a hammer, and a telephone ought to look like either a telephone, or a Star Trek communicator. Things that are different should look different.

AuthorLarry Wall
Work"Perl, the first postmodern computer language"

Slashdot: Jokes on Slashdot


Which is why I didn't belabor it, or introduce it out of context. I was pointing out that Firefox's scheme is only as secure as the master password you choose. The particular bad password I chose for the Spaceballs reference on the hope that it might get a chuckle or trigger a brief moment of pleasant nostalgia, forgetting that on /., every joke must be beaten to death and explained, rehashed, insulted, re-explained by someone who thinks the insult came due to unfamiliarity, etc., until all traces of humor vanish. Oh well…

Hmm… This is an old story, so this probably won't receive any mods, but I have no idea what I'd mod it if I were moderating. Flamebait/Insightful/Funny/Interesting/Off-topic maybe? Mods, if you can coordinate to apply each of those once, it would be awesome (and I'd end up with overall neutral Karma!). :-)

Work"Re: Prettier Tool, Old Exploit"

Larry Wall Quote


Doing linear scans over an associative array is like trying to club someone to death with a loaded Uzi.

AuthorLarry Wall
Work"Re: grep on keys of associative array s-l-o-w. Why?" (comp.lang.perl Usenet post)

What does "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." really mean?


I keep hearing and reading this nice proverb if it ain't broke, don't fix it. The latest apperance was in response to Shlomi Fish suggesting that some Ancient Perl code should be replaced by Modern Perl code.

I am not saying that every pices of code should be rewritten every 6 months, but in my understanding that sentence actually translates to let's wait till it breaks and then panic.

I think people who say that sentence are afraid that the new version will break something. Sure, there is always a chance that a change introduces an error, but, if we are afraid to touch the code, what will happen when later on we encounter a case where it does not work? For example, if we need to use it in a new environment. Will we have the courage to change the code then? How much will it cost in money, time, and lost sleep?

I think we have been trying to teach ourselves that we should have really good test coverage of our code and then we can easily refactor it and get rid of technical debt. So why do we keep hearing that sentence?

AuthorGabor Szabo
WorkWhat does "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." really mean?

Gabor Szabo on "I don't know Perl."


Often, when I ask the people I train if they know Perl, they tell me “I don't know Perl. I can only read it”. I wonder whether it indicates that Perl is not a write-only language as some people like to claim.

AuthorGabor Szabo
WorkGabor Szabo (Perl programmer and trainer)

Slasdhot on Patents on Reality T.V.


(Discussing patents on storylines.)

Hopefully someone will patent reality TV shows. I am rather sick of those.

Wait no, this wont work. You need to have a story to be able to patent it. Soon all that will be on the air is reality TV. Noooo!

WorkUSPTO Issues Provisional Storyline Patent

Vanguard about Real Programmers


Real programmers use a nice editor and a nice programming language and get it done in less than O(N!).

-- vanguard on Freenode's ##programming

WorkFreeNode's ##programming

Modern Fairy Tale about Short Stories


* Juliet|Awesomeshould publish her short stories
cmptrgeekkencan #so get a discount, juju?
Juliet|Awesomeonly if you say nice things about them
cmptrgeekken"This book is teh s3x"
Juliet|AwesomeI'm like one of those people who is so overly critical about her writing and has such an intense fear of failure that I never… ummmm…. get around to it
madsyJuliet|Awesome: Your title can be "Kawaii". Now get to it ;-)
Juliet|AwesomeOnce upon a time there was midwestern computer programmer who couldn't bring herself to write the warped and tortured stories spinning round and round her sordid imagination
jessicahand then a kiwi married her and made all things right in her world
Juliet|AwesomeThen she did, and it was awesome, for she was awesome. She absolutely radiated with awesomeness, so much so it gave all the kids at the nearby elementary school a rare form of leukemia and radiation sickness
TaglineThe Awesome princess, rescued by the awesome prince on his awesome white horse

Gandhi - “An Eye for an Eye…“


An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.

AuthorMohandas Karamchand Gandhi (Attributed)
WorkMohandas Gandhi's Quotes

Spaceballs - Druish Princess


Princess Vespa: I am Princess Vespa, daughter of Roland, King of the Druids.

Lone Starr: Oh great. That's all we needed. A Druish princess.

Barf: Funny, she doesn't look Druish.

AuthorMel Brooks
WorkSpaceballs Greg at the Veterans Club


[ Greg the tech support guy is sitting in a Veterans club along with a veteran. ]

Veteran: Tech support? What the hell kind of wussy veteran experience is that?!

Greg: Look, pal, you try to deal rationally with a horde of puerile, clueless, I-make-more-money-than-you-so-fix-this-now dorks on a daily basis and then tell me who should get a medal.

[ Pause. ]

Veteran: I…I'm sorry. I didn't know...

Greg: Buddy, you have just no idea what real pain is about.

WorkUserFriendly Comic Strip for 10 October, 2001

“Yo Dawg,”


Lubaf“yo dawg, we heard you like recursion, so we put a yo dawg, we heard you like recursion, so we put a yo dawg, we heard you like recursion…”
rindolfLubaf: :-)
LubafFurther variation: “yo dawg, we heard you don’t like fractals.”
TaglineYo Dawg

There was one Napoleon…


There was one Napoleon, one George Washington, and one me!

AuthorJim Cash and Joe Epps Jr.
WorkDick Tracy (1990 film)

“If at first…”


If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.


Daniel Browning about Correct Spelling and Grammar


In this doggy-dog world, does grammer; spelling; “or correct” quotation usage really matter anymore? I beleive not. Case and point: mitsakes is literally a diamond dozen, but they TOTALLY don’t make me want to claw my eyes out with a dull spoon. Irregardless, it begs the question: is it a mute point? For all intensive purposes, if bad enlgish would of been the downfall of society, then we’d of seen it bye now. some say teh worst problem is loosing capitalization punctuation is also an issue i think some thoughts need to be seperated or maybe its the run on sentences? Does it try your patients when I’LOL OMG Y U BFF said IDK BRB?!! OIC, the BBQ is W/E GF IKR!! 1 How bad does it get before i.e. its something up with which you will not put?

AuthorDaniel Browning
WorkPost to the Portland Perl Mongers Mailing List

“A UDP packet walks into a bar”


A UDP packet walks into a bar, no one acknowledges him.

A TCP packet walks into a bar twice because no one acknowledged him the first time.

An ICMP packet walks into a bar, says “Hello!” to the bartender, who then in turn runs out to tell the ICMP packet’s wife.

A BGP peer walks into a bar, exchanges contact details with every one, then leaves and… yeah I’ve probably gone over my quota for terrible jokes today.

WorkYou Down with UDP?

UDP Joke


The best thing about a UDP joke is that I don’t care if you get it or not.

WorkYou Down with UDP?

Steven Rostedt about comments and code


Golden rule #12: When the comments do not match the code, they probably are both wrong ;)

AuthorSteven Rostedt
WorkPost to the Linux kernel mailing list


Way too boring, what you really want is for every package to have its own twitter account so you can tweet karma :-).

You might be on to something here! But the 140 char limit would really stifle my creativity when it comes to comments. I'd rather create facebook pages for every package - that way we could add karma by “liking” a package.

We could even take it a step farther and use this for marketing. Just imagine - “Play farmville with glibc next wednesday and learn about the great new features!”, “gdb has shared a picture with you”, “NetworkManager wants to be your friend”. Oh the possibilities …

Then again, the thought of getting an email saying “Anaconda is now following you on Twitter” also amuses me.

AuthorTim Flink
WorkRe: Fedora QA and Google Summer of Code 2012

Children warned name of first pet should contain 8 characters and a digit


Popular pet names Rover, Cheryl and Kate could be a thing of the past. Banks are now advising parents to think carefully before naming their child’s first pet. For security reasons, the chosen name should have at least eight characters, a capital letter and a digit. It should not be the same as the name of any previous pet, and must never be written down, especially on a collar as that is the first place anyone would look. Ideally, children should consider changing the name of their pet every 12 weeks.

Expectant mothers have also been advised to choose carefully where they give birth. Anywhere that has a place name is best avoided. These are listed on maps, which are freely available on the Internet.

It’s a good idea too, security experts have warned, for children not to get friendly with certain teachers. For instance, Miss Smith may be enriching your son’s education but he should try and see if he can’t make a favourite of Father O’Grinnighan-Scythe II, even though it may mean a lot of staying late.

We tried to call Barclays’ security expert R0b Ste!nway for a comment, but he was not available for 24 hours, having answered his phone incorrectly three times in succession.

WorkNewsBiscuit Post

Why Debian May Have an Older Version of a Package


There are a ton of reasons why Debian may have an older version of an upstream release. For example, and I hasten to point out that the following list is by no means exhaustive, and not all of the possibilities are common:

  • The Debian package maintainer is dead, but nobody noticed it yet, and nobody has wanted an update badly enough to do an NMU or to adopt the package.
  • The upstream release is actually a fake. It's a trojan, which was put there by the NSA in order to infiltrate the CIA mainframe. The Debian package maintainer noticed this and uploaded that version of the package to non-free instead of main, since the trojan code does not come with proper source.
  • Upstream has moved the RSS feed for new releases without notifying the old feed of the move, so the Debian package maintainer missed that, and doesn't actually know about the new release. Due to a complicated series of happenstance involving rainbows, midget unicorns, and the ongoing rewrite of the Netsurf web browser, the Debian package maintainer is not able to find the new feed because it would require doing a web search and their browser doesn't have working form support now. No other browser is available on the Amiga they're using as their only computer, either.
  • The new release is requested by insistent Hurd porters, and the Debian package maintainer absolutely loathes the Hurd, and will refuse to upload any packages that work on the Hurd.
  • The Debian package maintainer suffers from mental problems cause by reading debian-devel too much, and now has a nervous breakdown every time they recognize a name as someone whom they've seen on the list.
  • The Debian development process is being sabotaged by Microsoft sending people to the developers' houses pretending to be TV license checkers or Jehova's witnesses every time they detect, using the hardware wireless keylogger embedded in every PC, that the developer is trying to run any Debian packaging command.
  • Apple is also sabotaging Debian by paying me to write snarky e-mails on Debian mailing lists to distract everyone from working on the actual release, so that we can get past the freeze and start uploading things again without having to worry that it breaks things in ways that makes the freeze longer.
AuthorLars Wirzenius
WorkPost to debian-devel

Writing for the World


Some European users bugged me into adding an option to limit the number of messages retrieved per session (so they can control costs from their expensive phone networks). I resisted this for a long time, and I'm still not entirely happy about it. But if you're writing for the world, you have to listen to your customers—this doesn't change just because they're not paying you in money.

AuthorEric Raymond
WorkThe Cathedral and the Bazaar

Excerpt from “Best Thing I Never Had”


Thank God I found the good in goodbye!

Work“Best Thing I Never Had”

Eleanor Roosevelt Quote


Do one thing every day that scares you.

AuthorEleanor Roosevelt

Larry Wall: “All Truth is God’s Truth”


I have a book on my bookshelf that I’ve never read, but that has a great title. It says, “All Truth is God’s Truth.” And I believe that. The most viable belief systems are those that can reach out and incorporate new ideas, new memes, new metaphors, new interfaces, new extensions, new ways of doing things. My goal this year is to try to get Perl to reach out and cooperate with Java. I know it may be difficult for some of you to swallow, but Java is not the enemy. Nor is Lisp, or Python, or Tcl. That is not to say that these languages don't have good and bad points. I am not a cultural relativist. Nor am I a linguistic relativist. In case you hadn't noticed. :-)

AuthorLarry Wall
WorkLarry Wall’s “Perl Culture” Keynote

The CIA vs. The KGB vs. The Shin Bet


A contest is being held to see which intelligence agency can find a rabbit in a forest as quickly as possible.

First, it's the CIA's turn. Using cutting edge satellite technology, deep electronic scans, and other high-tech equipment, it is able to locate the rabbit in a week.

Then, it's the KGB's turn. They install secret agents, bribe or threaten a few animals, and find the rabbit in two weeks.

Then it's the Shin Bet’s turn (the Shin Bet being the Israeli internal security agency). A week passes, and then two, and then three.

After two months, the camera zooms into the forest to see a bear tied to a tree with a Shin Bet agent slapping him saying “Admit you’re a rabbit! Admit you’re a rabbit! Admit it already, goddamnit!”

AuthorIsraeli Joke
WorkGoogle Plus Post

An Engineer in Hell


An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer. You are in the wrong place.”

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”

Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

God replies, “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake. He should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”

Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”

God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?”


Joke: The Believer Rabbi


There was a Rabbi living in Louisiana - he was great in the Torah, very friendly, extremely helpful and righteous - helps the poor, finds jobs for people, resolves feuds - everybody liked him. And he lived in a remote shack on the Louisiana coast, right before Hurricane Katrina came.

So two people arrived there in a Jeep and told the Rabbi: “Rabbi, there will be a flood, come with us so you’ll be saved.” and the Rabbi said: “No, that’s OK - God will save me.”.

And indeed it started to rain, and there was a lot of water, and so a boat arrived at the Rabbi’s house and the people there told the Rabbi: “Rabbi, there’s a flood, come with us and you’ll be saved.” and the Rabbi told them: “No, that’s OK - God will save me.” and he remained there.

And it continued to rain, and the water level went up and the Rabbi had to climb to the roof of his shack. A helicopter arrived at his shack, and the people inside told the Rabbi: “Rabbi, there’s a big flood. Come with us to safety.”, and the Rabbi said: “No, that’s OK - God will save me.”. And the Helicopter left.

The water levels rose even more, and the Rabbi drowned, and his soul went to heaven. There he confronted God and asked him: “Dear God all mighty, I have been a righteous and good man my whole life - why didn't you save me?”, and God replied “Well, I tried. I sent you a Jeep, a boat - even a helicopter - but you wouldn't accept any of them. What more could I have done?”


Moral of the story is: God helps them that help God help them.


Joke: How did the Engineering Student Get His Bicycle


Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, and said: “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

WorkJokes: Comprehending Engineers

Larry Wall - The Ada Programming Language


Once I got into industry, I wrote a compiler in Pascal for a discrete event simulator, and slavered over the forthcoming Ada specs. As a linguist, I don't think of Ada as a big language. Now, English and Japanese, those are big languages. Ada is just a medium-sized language.

AuthorLarry Wall
Work"Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"

Excerpt from “Bad Grammar” by James at War


I’m worser at superlatives.
And I don’t ever use no double negatives.

AuthorJames at War
Work“Bad Grammar”

Excerpt from Wyrd Sisters by Terry Pratchett


It was a good storm. There was quite effective projection and passion there, and critics agreed that if it would only learn to control its thunder it would be, in years to come, a storm to watch.

AuthorTerry Pratchett
WorkWyrd Sisters

Excerpt from Harvey Danger’s “Wine, Women, and Song”


I figured wrong (with a capital R).

AuthorHarvey Danger
Work“Wine, Women, and Song”

Joke: Praying at the Western Wall


In Jerusalem, an American female journalist heard about an old Rabbi who visited the Kotel, the Western Wall to pray twice a day every day for over five decades.

In an effort to check out the story, she goes to the holy site and there he is. She watches the old man at prayer and after about 45 minutes, when he turns to leave, she approaches him for an interview. “I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN, sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying?”

“For about 50 years,” he informs her. “That’s amazing! What do you pray for?” “I pray for peace between the Jews and Arabs. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all of our children to grow up in safety and friendship.”

“And how do you feel, sir, after doing this for 50 years?”

“Like I’m talking to a brick wall!”


Lawrence Lessig: Rewarding the Critics


I find it insanely difficult to read these comments [to my blog posts]. Not because they’re bad or mistaken, but mainly because I have very thin skin. There’s a direct correlation between what I read and pain in my gut. Even unfair and mistaken criticism cuts me in ways that are just silly. If I read a bad comment before bed, I don’t sleep. If I trip upon one when I’m trying to write, I can be distracted for hours. I fantasize about creating an alter ego who responds on my behalf. But I don’t have the courage for even that deception. So instead, my weakness manifests itself through the practice (extraordinarily unfair to the comment writer) of sometimes not reading what others have said.

So then why do I blog all? Well, much of the time, I have no idea why I do it. But when I do, it has something to do with an ethic I believe that we all should live by. I first learned it from a judge I clerked for, Judge Richard Posner. Posner is without a doubt the most significant legal academic and federal judge of our time, and perhaps of the last hundred years. He was also the perfect judge to clerk for. Unlike the vast majority of appeals court judges, Posner writes his own opinions. The job of the clerk was simply to argue. He would give us a draft opinion, and we’d write a long memo in critique. He’d use that to redraft the opinion.

I gave Posner comments on much more than his opinions. In particular, soon after I began teaching he sent me a draft of a book, which would eventually become Sex and Reason. Much of the book was brilliant. But there was one part I thought ridiculous. And in a series of faxes (I was teaching in Budapest, and this was long before e-mail was generally available), I sent him increasingly outrageous comments, arguing about this section of the book.

The morning after I sent one such missive, I reread it, and was shocked by its abusive tone. I wrote a sheepish follow-up, apologizing, and saying that of course, I had endless respect for Posner, blah, blah, and blah. All that was true. So too was it true that I thought my comments were unfair. But Posner responded not by accepting my apology, but by scolding me. And not by scolding me for my abusive fax, but for my apology. “I’m surrounded by sycophants,” he wrote. “The last thing in the world I need is you to filter your comments by reference to my feelings.”

I was astonished by the rebuke. But from that moment on, I divided the world into those who would follow (or even recommend) Posner’s practice, and those who wouldn’t. And however attractive the anti-Posner pose was, I wanted to believe I could follow his ethic: Never allow, or encourage, the sycophants. Reward the critics. Not because I’d ever become a judge, or a public figure as important as Posner. But because in following his example, I would avoid the worst effects of the protected life (as a tenured professor) that I would lead.

AuthorLawrence Lessig
WorkRemix: Making Art and Commerce Thrive in the Hybrid Economy

Gabor Szabo: Yak Shaving


I was lucky as Ricardo SIGNES was also awake who explained that actually he has stopped using Module::Starter as he is writing Dist::Zilla that provides much better project management capabilities. I pointed him at my blog entry and after reading it he asked me if I know the expression yak shaving. I've heard it, actually I even read about it in in The Productive Programmer I mentioned earlier in The Quest for the Perfect Editor but I did not really understand it.

Actually, I think I understood it back when I read the book but promptly forgotten it as I did not have any way to connect the expression to the actions or lack of actions.

I was so lucky to find Ricardo there, as he explained:

  • I need to fix this bug, but first I better eat something so I don’t get tired.
  • So I'm going to have some cereal, but I'm out of milk.
  • So I'll go get some milk. But I heard that yak milk is the best, so I'll go out to Nepal to find a yak.
  • But they're all so hairy, I can't get to their udders.
  • So, first I'll just shave the yak.

This is just the way you have to teach. Now I can remember it much more easily.

AuthorGabor Szabo
Work“Yak Shaving” Blog Post

“If a tree falls down in the middle of the forest…”


If a tree falls down in the middle of the forest, and there’s no one there to hear it… what colour is the tree?

AuthorRon Gilbert
WorkMonkey Island 2: LeChuck’s Revenge

Tim Berners-Lee, the World Wide Web, and the Dexter Model


Tim Berners-Lee's abandonment of the Dexter Model for hypertext a hypertext model where all links must be resolvable at all times was (IMHO) the single biggest factor in creating a successful World Wide Web.

Before the Web, hypertext systems were assumed to have all links resolvable at all times. This was not a robust design. Now, you would think this would be more robust than the Web but it fails even for single-file hypertext systems. Early in my career, I realized that computer systems were not 100% reliable, so if wanted to create software that failed safe (or at least failed soft), you had to account for errors at every step of the way. A single-file hypertext system can still fail if access to the single file is disturbed. Across the Internet, where all computers on the Internet have not been all up at the same time since the late 1970's (and possibly not even then), you cannot build a Dexter Model hypertext system because not all of your links can be resolved all of the time.

Microsoft's Help system has become much more usable since they went to a Web (i.e. HTML) based-system. At the risk of being redundant, even if you have a lint program to verify all hypertext links and destinations, file access errors will derail your hypertext system when you use a all-resolvable-all-the-time design (and I don't know if Microsoft had such a lint tool).

It boils down to handling failures with at least a small amount of grace. Unix/Linux systems handle errors much better than Microsoft Windows 1.0-3.x systems because processes can handle out-of-bounds memory errors better (Windows NT and its descendants fall in-between Unix/Linux and 16-bit Windows). I once wrote a Perl 4-based server that would run for months at a time because it could either recover gracefully from an error or stop gracefully upon an error. The Web runs as well as it does because the software systems handle link errors with a small amount of grace, rather than just throwing up their hands or dying horribly. Thank Tim Berners-Lee and his fellow designers for the reliability of the Web we have today.

AuthorMark Leighton Fisher
Work“Tim Berners-Lee, the World Wide Web, and the Dexter Model” blog post

Peter Ustinov about Comedy


Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

AuthorPeter Ustinov
WorkPeter Ustinov Quotes

Peter Ustinov about Botticelli


If Botticelli were alive today, he’d be working for Vogue.

AuthorPeter Ustinov
WorkPeter Ustinov Quotes

Peter Ustinov about Beliefs


Beliefs are what divide people. Doubt unites them.

AuthorPeter Ustinov
WorkPeter Ustinov Quotes

Avicii - “Wake me up” Lyrics


Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can't tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start

They tell me I'm too young to understand
They say I'm caught up in a dream
Life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes
Well that's fine by me

So wake me up when it's all over
When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn't know I was lost

I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
I hope I get the chance to travel the world
But I don't have any plans

Wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life's a game made for everyone
And love is the prize

Work“Wake Me Up”

“What have the Romans ever done for us?”


Reg: All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?

Attendee: Brought peace?

Reg: Oh, peace - shut up!

AuthorMonty Python
WorkLife of Brian (1979)

Shakespears Sister - “Hello (Turn Your Radio On)” Excerpt


Life is a strange thing. Just when you think you learned how to use it, it’s gone.

AuthorShakespears Sister
Work“Hello (Turn Your Radio On)”

The Mighty Boosh: The Ape of Death Scene


Ape of Death: Shut up! Now you shall burn! You and your wife with the ridiculous hair.

Vince Noir: Ridiculous hair? Have you seen yours? It’s like split-ends-central!

Ape of Death: Shut up!

Vince Noir: Well look at it - it’s an Urban Fuzz.

Ape of Death: Shut your gub!

Vince Noir: You look ridiculous - it's like a ginger ball bag.

Ape of Death: Shut up I say! [ Rises up. ]

Ape of Death: I’ve always had problems with my hair. Even as a child. It’s not curly, it’s not straight. It’s somewhere in between. If I wash it, it becomes too dry, if I lead [ ? ] it, it become too greasy.

Ape of Death: I can't do a thing with it.

Vince Noir: Listen, there are hair products - straightners, finishing gel.

Ape of Death: Finishing gel? What is finishing gel?

Vince Noir: Where have you been. I could sort your hair out in six minutes.

Ape of Death: Why didn’t you tell me about this? Davy? Nemo?

[ The two Mandrill guards lower their gazes ]

Ape of Death: You can do this for me?

[ Message on the screen - “Six Minutes Later” ]

Ape of Death: This is sheer liquid wonderment. For this smashing gift, I shall set you both free. Thank you.

Vince Noir: Don’t thank me, thank Naboo’s Miracle Wax.

Ape of Death: Look at me. I’m so confident, and feel strong and super-sexy.

Ape of Death: Hit it!

AuthorThe Mighty Boosh
WorkThe Mighty Boosh - “The Ape of Death” Scene

Big O


Shammahanytime I see people talk about "Big O" as if it's some magic voodoo I cringe hard
Shammah> I have worked +7 years as a programmer and still don't know what Big O is
Shammah> Big O is very important and is one of the most important things you should learn!
Shammahbro, you can learn it in 10 minutes
Shammahit's not a big deal
Shammah> In particular, "Big O" (and its related data structures and algorithms concepts) is a key concept to making programs go fast.
Shammahshit like that
Shammahrustle smy jimmies so hard
Shammahmy poor jimmies
k-hosnon stop jimmies vibration
_bryanthe cloud is more annoying
_bryanaka the internet renamed
ShammahA series of tubes 3.0
_bryanmy old company launched a cloud marketing campaign on the clous
_bryannot a single customer of mine knew or cared
ShammahIn particular, "Big O" (and its related data structures and algorithms concepts) is a key concept to making programs go fast.
Shammahthe fuck did i just read
alteredwritten by this guy
k-hossanic the hodgepodge!
Jonas__Shammah, you don't use big o magic?
Jonas__I use the big-o lib for everything
ShammahI just use std::bigO();
Jonas__that's not even fast
Jonas__boost::bigO<T>() is like the least you should even consider
Jonas__it's boosted so it's faster
Shammahsounds legit
TaglineBig O No

Santayana’s Definition of a Fanatic


A fanatic: one who redoubles his efforts after he has forgotten his aim.

AuthorGeorge Santayana
WorkESR: “Evaluating the harm from closed source”

Compiling a C program from 20 years ago


As it turns out, compiling a C program [= Vim] from more than 20 years ago is actually a lot easier than getting a Rails app from last year to work.

AuthorPascal Hartig
Work“Building Vim from 1993 today”

D&D Stats Explained with Tomatoes


  • Strength is being able to crush a tomato.
  • Dexterity is being able to dodge a tomato.
  • Constitution is being able to eat a bad tomato.
  • Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
  • Wisdom is knowing not to put a tomato in a fruit salad.
  • Charisma is being able to sell a tomato based fruit salad.
WorkD&D Reddit “D&D Stats Explained With Tomatoes”

Some people were allocating memory…


Some people were allocating memory before it was cool. These people are called heapsters.

Workvia ZadYree

A Positive Attitude


A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

AuthorHerm Albright
Work“Herm Albright’s ‘Positive Attitude’”

Joke: Thinking Big


A banker, who always advised his son to think big, came home one day to find the boy in the yard with the family dog and a sign, “Dog for Sale, $38,000.” The father smiled and went into the house.

The next day, the sign–and the dog–had vanished. The banker asked his son, “You didn’t get $38,000 for the dog, did you?”

“No,” the boy replied, “but I traded him for two $19,000 cats.”

AuthorHerm Albright
Work“Herm Albright’s ‘Positive Attitude’”

A Productive Day


One of my most productive days was throwing away 1,000 lines of code.

AuthorKen Thompson (Attributed)
WorkKen Thompson Quote

“Ice Ice Baby” Excerpt


Anything less than the best is a felony.

AuthorVanilla Ice
Work“Ice Ice Baby” Song

Learning How to Drum at Age 65


When I was 18, I had been drumming for about 10 years. (They say that if you want to be a good drummer, you better have started by your teenage years, or you'll never make it.)

I got a call from my neighbor. He was about 65 years old.

"Jason," he said, "I made a promise to myself when I turned 60 that I was going to do 3 things. Lose 60 pounds. Stop smoking. And learn to play a musical instrument. So far, I've done 2 of those things."

"Which two?" I asked.

"I hear you're a pretty good drummer. Would you like to teach me how to drum?"

(I didn't know what to say. You can't learn drums when you're SIXTY-FIVE! What do I tell him? Well, maybe it'd be best to let him try it, then he can move on to guitar or piano or something if he doesn't like it.)

I've never seen anyone that age take a hobby as seriously as this guy took drumming. A year later, he was pretty proficient, and I cried a little when, after I left for college, I saw a video of him playing live on stage at a concert back home.

I learned way more from him than he did from me. I figure now that I should have been the one paying him for the lesson.

You ain't dead until you decide you're dead.

AuthorJason Riggs
WorkReply to “What do you think about starting new activities at the age of 36 like music or exercising?” on

Linus Torvalds: Indirections


Trust me: every problem in computer science may be solved by an indirection, but those indirections are expensive. Pointer chasing is just about the most expensive thing you can do on modern CPUs.

AuthorLinus Torvalds
WorkPost to the Linux Kernel Mailing List

Backcompat is holding us back!


“Let’s free ourselves from the shackles and do something bold!”

I always cringe when I hear this battle cry. Isn’t that sentiment exactly what set the trajectory for the Perl 6 effort? Maybe it’s just been so long that people have forgotten.

But that is precisely how Perl 6 became such an amazingly long trek: once you remove the constraint of staying compatible, everything is suddenly, potentially, up for reconsideration. Then when you start changing things, you discover that changes in one part of the language also affect several other, remote parts of the language. So it starts with the simple desire to fix a handful of obvious problems in obvious ways… and spirals out as you make changes, and further still as you make changes in response to your changes, ever further and further.

At that point, it is exceedingly likely that the project will fizzle out before it ever comes to any fruition. But even if you have the perseverance, you face an uphill battle: unless your project has the community’s implicit blessing as the successor (as Perl 6 does, due to Larry’s presence), it is likely to simply slip into oblivion… the way Kurila did.

So yes: backcompat is holding us back… the same way that gravity is. It keeps us from floating away untethered.

Note that I’m not saying it doesn’t really hold us back. I’d love to travel to space easily, too! I still await Perl 6, as well.

But what I think, every time someone proposes to throw off the shackles of backcompat and go for it, is that we already have one Perl 6 – we don’t need another.

AuthorAristotle (the Perl enthusiast)
Work“Backcompat is holding us back!”

“You gotta go out there…”


The Wise Janitor: You gotta go out there, believe in the ball, and throw yourself.

AuthorVarious Writers
WorkNot Another Teen Movie



Reportedly, SANE (= “Scannar Access Now Easy”) was called that way in part so one can say “TWAIN is not SANE!”.

AuthorVia an Israeli FOSS Enthusiast.

Open Source Software


Open source software: each person contributes a brick, but ultimately each person receives a house in return.

AuthorBrendan Scott (Attributed)

“I didn’t stop pretending…”


I didn’t stop pretending when I became an adult, it’s just that when I was a kid I was pretending that I fit into the rules and structures of this world. And now that I’m an adult, I pretend that those rules and structures exist.

AuthorZe Frank

New Diet


Hi! I’m Tony Horne, creator of P90X, and I got a brand new program for overweight pop-stars to go from bass to treble in just 90 seconds. It’s called Treble 90X.

AuthorBart Baker
WorkMeghan Trainor - “All About That Bass” PARODY

Your Momma Might Have Told You…


Well, your momma might have told you “Don’t worry about your size” but in this cut-throat industry… well, your momma doesn’t know shit.

AuthorBart Baker
WorkMeghan Trainor - “All About That Bass” PARODY

The kind of movie where…


It's the kind of movie where you would expect The Rock to slide on skateboard, along moving chopper rotors, to pick up a girl that is dodging a lion on a flag pole at the 200th floor of a building that is currently collapsing.

WorkChat on Freenode’s ##programming

Two Things I Hate


There's only two things I hate in this world: people who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch.

AuthorMike Myers, and Michael McCullers
WorkAustin Powers in Goldmember

The Greatest threat to Authors and Creative Artists


The greatest threat to authors and creative artists is not piracy — it’s obscurity.

AuthorTim O’Reilly
Work“Piracy is progressive taxation.”

“Tech needs less…”


Tech needs less wizards, ninjas, and rockstars, and way more sociologists.

AuthorNoah Slater

PSD is not my favourite file format.


At this point, I'd like to take a moment to speak to you about the Adobe PSD format. PSD is not a good format. PSD is not even a bad format. Calling it such would be an insult to other bad formats, such as PCX or JPEG. No, PSD is an abysmal format. Having worked on this code for several weeks now, my hate for PSD has grown to a raging fire that burns with the fierce passion of a million suns.

If there are two different ways of doing something, PSD will do both, in different places. It will then make up three more ways no sane human would think of, and do those too. PSD makes inconsistency an art form. Why, for instance, did it suddenly decide that *these* particular chunks should be aligned to four bytes, and that this alignement should *not* be included in the size? Other chunks in other places are either unaligned, or aligned with the alignment included in the size. Here, though, it is not included. Either one of these three behaviours would be fine. A sane format would pick one. PSD, of course, uses all three, and more.

Trying to get data out of a PSD file is like trying to find something in the attic of your eccentric old uncle who died in a freak freshwater shark attack on his 58th birthday. That last detail may not be important for the purposes of the simile, but at this point I am spending a lot of time imagining amusing fates for the people responsible for this Rube Goldberg of a file format.

Earlier, I tried to get a hold of the latest specs for the PSD file format. To do this, I had to apply to them for permission to apply to them to have them consider sending me this sacred tome. This would have involved faxing them a copy of some document or other, probably signed in blood. I can only imagine that they make this process so difficult because they are intensely ashamed of having created this abomination. I was naturally not gullible enough to go through with this procedure, but if I had done so, I would have printed out every single page of the spec, and set them all on fire. Were it within my power, I would gather every single copy of those specs, and launch them on a spaceship directly into the sun.

PSD is not my favourite file format.

AuthorGreg Onufer
WorkXee’s source code

“Stop reinventing wheels…”


Stop reinventing wheels, start building space rockets.
WorkMotto of CPAN

The key to making programs fast


The key to making programs fast is to make them do practically nothing.

AuthorMike Haetel (the original author of GNU grep)
Work“Why GNU grep is fast”

Excerpt from the Windows Vista Licence


“You may not work around any technical limitations in the software”

— Windows Vista licence

WorkWindows Vista EULA

The Attack-Reporting Computer


There was a country which bordered two enemy countries - one to the north and one to the south. So they set up a computer to report if one of the enemy countries was attacking it and placed an army officer in charge of it.

One day the computer raises the alarm and says “Attack! Attack! We are attacked!”. So the officer asks it: “From the north or from the south?” and the computer replies: “Yes.”.

The officer asks it again ”Are we getting attacked from the north or from the south?”. And the computer replies : “Yes.”.

The officer gets angry and asks: “‘Yes’, what?”. The computer thinks for a moment and replies: “Yes, SIR!!”.


Don’t use a big word


Don’t use a big word when a singularly unloquacious and diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the contemporary necessity.

AuthorUltimate Giggles
WorkFacebook Post

It’s better to have loved


It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have lost at all.

AuthorSamuel Butler (Unsourced)

What My Latest Project Has


My latest personal project has a manual page, unit and integration tests, Debian packaging, a CI project, and a home page. I can install it and run it. It doesn’t yet do anything useful.

AuthorLars Wirzenius
WorkNew project? Start with the scaffolding

The cool thing about Vim


The cool thing about Vim is — you find something interesting with every typo.

WorkFreenode’s #perl conversation

chromatic about testing DSLs


I've never used Cucumber in anger, but I thought it was for creating testcases that could be understood by non-technical clients, so you can concretely discuss features. If you're writing a compiler then all your clients will be programmers, so there's no need for such a thing.

Our clients are the parents, guardians, and teachers of children between the ages of eight and twelve inclusive.

The intent of Cucumber is to make readable testcases, just as the intent of COBOL and AppleScript and visual component programming is to enable non-programmers to create software without having to learn how to program.

WorkComment on “What Testing DSLs Get Wrong”

Bill Raymond about Optimisation


I achieved my fast times by multitudes of 1% reductions.

AuthorBill Raymond
WorkPost to the Freecell Solver mailing list

Monologue and Dialogue


I shall explain: Monologue: one person talking to himself ; Dialogue: like Monologue - two people talking to themselves.

AuthorShaike Ophir
WorkThe English Teacher

Excerpts from the T.V. Show The Big Bang Theory

Big Bang Theory: Summer Glau #1


Raj: Holy crap! Look!

Leonard: Is that who I think it is?

Howard: It can’t be. What would Summer Glau be doing riding the train?

Leonard: Maybe John Connor’s aboard and she’s protecting him from an evil Terminator.

Sheldon: Unlikely. That’s a television show, Leonard.

Leonard: Thank you.

Sheldon: Of course, if SkyNet actually did exist in the future, a perfect way to infiltrate and destroy mankind would be to send Terminators back posing as actors who have played Terminators in popular films and television series, lulling us into a false sense of security, i.e., that’s Summer Glau from The Sarah Connor Chronicles. No, Summer, don’t kill me! I’m pro-robot! Ahh!

AuthorChuck Lorre and Bill Prady
WorkThe Big Bang Theory S02E17 (The Terminator Decoupling)

Big Bang Theory: Summer Glau #2


Howard: Sheldon, I owe you an apology. Taking the train was a stroke of brilliance! I’ve actually got a shot at a Terminator [= Summer Glau].

Raj: Oh, please.When it comes to Terminators, you’ve got a better shot of scoring with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Howard: You’re overlooking something. I have 11 hours with her in a confined space. Unless she’s willing to jump off a moving train, tuck and roll down the side of a hill, she will eventually succumb to the acquired taste that is Howard Wolowitz.

Leonard: My money’s on tuck and roll.

AuthorChuck Lorre and Bill Prady
WorkThe Big Bang Theory S02E17 (The Terminator Decoupling)

Big Bang Theory: Summer Glau #3


Sheldon: I’m confused. I thought you were involved in some sort of socially intimate pairing with Leslie Winkle.

Howard: Sheldon, let me explain to you how this works.

Sheldon: All right.

Howard: That’s Summer Glau.

Sheldon: Yes?

Howard: That’s it.

Raj: Hang on a sec. Why do you get first crack at her?

Howard: Um, well, let’s see, couple reasons. One, I saw her first.

Raj: No, you didn’t. I did.

Howard: Fair enough. But then let me move on to number two, unlike you, I can actually talk to women when I’m sober.

Raj: You fail to take into account that even mute, I am foreign and exotic, while you, on the other hand, are frail and pasty.

Howard: Well, you know the old saying, pasty and frail never fail.

Leonard: Excuse me, but what about me? Why don’t I get a shot?

Howard: Fine, go ahead. Take a shot.

Leonard: You know, I’ve already got a gorgeous blonde back home that I can’t score with. I think I’ll let you two take this one.

AuthorChuck Lorre and Bill Prady
WorkThe Big Bang Theory S02E17 (The Terminator Decoupling)

Big Bang Theory: Penny After Watching Buffy


[ Penny’s Apartment: Leonard and Penny finished watching an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer ]

Leonard: So, did you love it? Of course you loved it. How could you not love it? Tell me how much you loved it.

Penny: It was cute!

Leonard: Oh, don’t say cute. That’s the worst.

Penny: What’s wrong with cute?

Leonard: It just makes things seem small. It diminishes them.

AuthorChuck Lorre and Bill Prady
WorkThe Big Bang Theory S06E21 (The Closure Alternative)

Excerpts from the T.V. Show Friends

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #1


Phoebe: Yeah, so I said, “OK, relax please,” y’know, I mean, sex can be just about two people right there in the moment, y’know, it’s, if he wants to see me again he can call and if not, that’s fine too. So after a looooot of talking… I convinced him.

Joey: Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him, he got you to say he never has to call you again, and he got you thinking this was a great idea.

Phoebe: Um-hum.

Joey: This man is my God.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #2


Chandler: Alright, ok, alright. So I can’t fire Joseph but uh, I can sleep with his wife.

Joey: Karen?

Chandler: Yeah, Karen. I’m thinking about having an affair with her. Oh, you know what? I just did.

Joey: Ahh. What the hell are you doing to me man.

Chandler: Oh well it’s not me, it’s my character, Chandy. Yeah, the rogue processor who seduces his co-workers’ wives for sport and then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler. In fact, I have her panties right there in my drawer.

Joey: Really?

Chandler: No freakshow, she’s fictional.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #3


Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It’s just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.

Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #4


Rachel: Let me tell you something. As a woman there, is nothing sexier than a man who does not want to have sex.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #5


Duncan [Phoebe’s Husband]: Oh God, I don’t know how to tell you this. I’m straight.

Phoebe: Huuh.

Duncan: Yeah, I know, I.

Phoebe: I, I don’t, I don’t understand, how can you be straight? I mean, you’re, you’re so smart and funny and you throw such great Academy Award parties.

Duncan: I know, that’s what I kept telling myself but you just reach a point where you can’t live a lie anymore.

Phoebe: So how long have you known?

Duncan: Well I guess on some level I always knew I was straight. I thought I was supposed to be something else, you know, I’m an ice dancer, all my friends are gay, I was just tryin’ to fit in.

Phoebe: And um, and there’s actually a, a woman?

Duncan: Her name’s Debra.

Phoebe: Oh. Well is she, is she the first that you’ve been with?

Duncan: Well, I’ve never told you this but, there were one or two times, back in college, when I’d get really drunk, go to a straight bar and wake up with a woman next to me. But I, I, I told myself it was the liquor and e-everyone experiments in college.

Phoebe: Sure.

Duncan: But now I know I don’t have a choice about this, I was born this way.

Phoebe: I, I don’t know what to say. I mean, you know, you’re married to someone for six years and you think you know him and then one day says, ’Oh, I’m not gay.’

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #6


Rachel: Oh my God,

Phoebe: I know.

Rachel: Why have I never tasted these before?

Phoebe: Oh, I don’t make them a lot because I don’t think it’s fair to the other cookies.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #7


Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, [hands him a lasagna] but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.

Paolo: Grazie.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #8


Chandler: I think you should go back with Gary. I don’t wanna be the guy that breaks up a family, y’know when my parents split up, it was because of that guy. Whenever I would see him I was always think y’know ’You’re the reason, you are the reason why their not together.’ and I hated that guy. And it didn’t matter how nice he was, or how happy he made my Dad.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #9


Monica: I feel terrible, I really do.

Rachel: Oh, I’m sorry, did my back hurt your knife?

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #10


Joey: These new kids, they never last. Sooner or later, they all…stop lastin’.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #11


Phoebe: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers - smelly, smelly, smelly, really bad smelly cat, it’s not your fault] OK, sorry. I’m just, I’m just not getting that everyone um, gets how smelly this cat acually is. I just think that maybe if we could talk about this, ’cause I need to feel that you really care about the cat.

Producer: Honey, uh we, we can talk about this. It’s just that it’s costing about a hundred dollars a minute to be in here.

Phoebe: Oh OK. So, um, the cat stinks but you love it, let’s go.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #12


Ross: No, there is no way he was a velociraptor. No Tony, look at the cranial ridge, OK. If Dino was a velociraptor, he would have eaten the Flintstones.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #13


Phoebe: Oh, okay, except I broke up with Roger.


Rachel: What happened?

Phoebe: I don’t know, I mean, he’s a good person, and he can be really sweet, and in some ways I think he is so right for me, it’s just… I hate that guy!

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #14


Ross: You uh, you don’t believe in gravity?

Phoebe: Well, it’s not so much that you know, like I don’t believe in it, you know, it’s just…I don’t know, lately I get the feeling that I’m not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #15


Erica: [= Joey’s looney fan] Drake, what’re you getting at?

Joey: I’m not Drake.

Ross: That’s right, he’s not Drake, he’s Hans Remore, Drake’s evil twin.

Erica: Is this true?

Racehl: Yes, yes it is true. And I know this because, because he pretended to be Drake to, to sleep with me. [throws water in his face]

Monica: And then he told me he would run away with me, and he didn’t. [throws water in his face]

Chandler: And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard. [throws water in his face]

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #16


Rachel: No no no, wait, I wanna see what happens [in the show].

Joey: Uh, I get Leslie out of the coma and then we make out.

Rachel: Well how can that be, you were just kissing Sabrina?

Monica: Rachel, it’s a world where Joey is a neuro-surgeon.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #17


Ross: I don’t know, I don’t get, I don’t get it, I mean, wh, wh, two months ago Rachel and I were like, this close. Right now, what, I’m takin messages from guys she, she meets at the movies? I mean this, this Casey should be takin’ down my messages, ya know, or, or, Rachel and I should be together and, and we should get some kind of me, message service.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #18


Joey: Well, what about the fact that you insulted the bracelet and you made fun of me?

Chandler: OK, well that’s the part where I’m a wank. But I was hoping we wouldn’t focus on that.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #19


Joey: When I was little, I wanted to be a veteranarian, but then I found out you had to put your hands into cows and stuff.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #20


ROSS: See what? I don’t know what she [=Rachel] sees in… innn that goober. And it takes him, what? Like… like… I don’t know, uhh… uhhh, hello… a… week, to get out a sentence.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #21


Monica: Rachel you have to read this book. It’s called “Be Your Own Windkeeper”. It’s about how women need to become more empowered.

Phoebe: Yeah and oh, and but there’s, there’s wind and the wind can make us Goddesses. But you know who takes out wind? Men, they just take it.

Rachel: Men just take out wind?

Phoebe: Ya-huh, all the time, cause they are the lightning bearers.

Rachel: Wow.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Rachel: Well that sounds kinda cool, kinda like The Hobbit.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #22


Phoebe: Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can’t find him. Now, I’ve looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But, ok, before that happens, there’s some pretty rough goin’ for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there’s just the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we go. [starts the tape again]

Ernie [in the videotape]: Bert, Bert. Bert. Hey, what happened to my friend Bert? He was here just a moment ago. Oh no, my old friend Bert is lost.

Phoebe: [to Ben] Oh, I’m so glad you’re here.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #23


Chandler: You’re just, you’re just clearly not familiar with our young persons vernacular. See, when we say dad, we mean buddy. We mean pal.

Richard: Uh-huh, yeah.

Chandler: No no, seriously, Joey’s my dad, Monica’s my dad. I’ve even got some dads down at work.

Richard: That’s fine. Well, your other dad and I are gonna go have a romantic evening and I guess I’ll just see you kids around.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #24


Monica: Oh, why does this bother me so much? I mean I don’t wanna be one of those people who tells their boyfriend they wanna spend 24 hours a day with them.

Phoebe: Sure.

Monica: It’s just that he doesn’t have that much free time, ya know, and I don’t know, what do I do?

Phoebe: Does it matter? You’re ultimately just gonna die or get divorced or have to blow your pets head off.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #25


Phoebe: Hey is this true, that you write a lot of your own lines?

Joey: Uh, well, kinda yeah. Like, remember last week when Alex was in the accident? Well the line in the script was, “If we don’t get this woman to a hospital, she’s going to die.” But I made it, “If this woman doesn’t get to a hospital, she’s not gonna live.”

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #26


Janice: Janice has a question. Who of the six of you has sleep with the six of you?

Phoebe: Wow, it’s like a dirty math problem.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #27


Chandeler: All right, let’s get some perspective here, ok? These things, they happen for a reason.

Monica: Yeah. You!

Chandler: All right, Pheebs, back me up here, ok? You believe in that karma crap, don’t you?

Phoebe: Yeah, by the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #28


Monica: Phoebe, listen. You were with me, and we were shopping all day.

Phoebe: What?

Monica: We were shopping, and we had lunch.

Phoebe: Oh, all right. What did I have?

Monica: You had a salad.

Phoebe: Oh, no wonder I don’t feel full.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #29


Rachel: Ok, so uh, who wants the last hamburger?

Phoebe: Oh, alright, that’s it, now I have to go see him.

Monica: Why?

Phoebe: Hamburger. McDonald’s. Old MacDonald had a farm, my dad is a pharm-acist.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #30


Erica: I don’t understand, why didn’t you help that man?

Joey: Uhh, cause, uhh, I’m a neurosurgeon and that was clearly a case of, uh, uh, foodal chokage.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #31


Phoebe: Today we’re gonna start with some songs about barnyard animals.

Phoebe: [singing]
Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo,
Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo.
Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up,
And that’s how we get hamburgers.
+++: Nooowww, chickens!

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #32


Joey: Look, I know I should have told you this a long time ago but I am not Drake Remore, OK. I’m not even a doctor, I’m an actor. I just pretend to be a doctor.

Erica: Oh my God. Do the people at the hospital know about this?

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #33


Nurse: All right, all right, there’s a few too many people in this room, and there’s about to be one more, so anybody who’s not an ex-husband or a lesbian life partner, out you go!

ALL: Good luck!

Chandler: [to nurse] Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol’s lesbian life partner?

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #34


Ross: [to Ben] I know, I know. Everybody, there’s someone I’d like you to meet. Yeah. This is Ben. Ben, this is everybody.

Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.

Susan: Thanks.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #35


Monica: So we’re back on?

Carol: We’re back on.

Monica: You heard the woman. Peel, chop, devil! I can’t believe I lost 2 minutes.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #36


Phoebe: I don’t know how to say this, but I think when your wife’s spirit left her body, it um, kind of stuck around in me.

Mr. Adelman: You’re saying, my wife is in you?

Phoebe: Yeah. Ok, you don’t have to believe me but um, can you think of any unfinished business she might have had, like any reason she’d be hanging around?

Mr. Adelman: Well, I don’t know what to tell you, Dear. The only thing I can think of is that she always used to say that before she died, she wanted to see everything.

Phoebe: Everything?

Mr. Adelman: Everything.

Phoebe: Whoa, that’s a lot of stuff.

Mr. Adelman: Oh, wait, I remember, she also said she wanted to sleep with me one last time.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #37


[ At Carol & Susan’s lesbian wedding ]

Rachel: Hey, Mom? Having fun?

Mrs Green: Oh, am I! I just danced with a wonderfully large woman. And three other girls made eyes at me over the buffet. Oh, I’m not saying it’s something I wanna pursue, but it’s nice to know I have options.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #38


Susan: You wanna dance?

Ross: No, that’s fine.

Susan: Come on. I’ll let you lead.

Ross: Ok.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #39


Ross: Question. Why do we always have to have parties where you poach things?

Monica: You wanna be in charge of the food committee?

Ross: Question two. Why do we always have to have parties with committees?

Joey: Really. Why can’t we just get some pizzas and get some beers and have fun?

Ross: Yeah.

Phoebe: Yeah, I agree. Ya know, I think fancy parties are only fun if you’re fancy on the inside and I’m just not sure we are.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #40


Monica: Sandra, I am so sorry, I thought you were Rachel and we just weren’t ready for you yet.

Mrs. Greene: You thought I was Rachel?

Chandler: Yes because uh, you look so young.

Phoebe: And because you’re both, you know, white women.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #41


Phoebe: Listen if you wanna go, just go.

Gunter: No, she’ll yell at me again.

Phoebe: Alright, I can get you out.

Gunter: What?

Phoebe: Shh. In a minute, I’m gonna create a diversion. When I do, walk quickly to the door and don’t look back.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #42


[ At Rachel’s double birthday party ]

Phoebe: Ok, ok, she’s taking the trash out so I can get you out of here but it has to be now, she’ll be back any minute.

Girl 1: What about my friend Victor?

Phoebe: No, only the three of you, any more than that and she’ll get suspicious.

Girl 1: Alright, let me just get my coat.

Phoebe: There isn’t time. You must leave everything. They’ll take care of you next door.

Girl 1: Is it true they have beer?

Phoebe: Everything you’ve heard is true.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #43


Ross: Hi Dr. Greene. So, uh, how’s everything in the uh, vascular surgery ….game?

Mr. Greene: It’s not a game Ross, a woman died on my table today.

Ross: I’m sorry. See that’s the good thing about my job. All the dinosaurs on my table are already dead.

AuthorDavid Crane & Marta Kauffman
WorkFriends (T.V. Show)

Excerpt from the TV Show Friends - #44


Monica: Ok everybody, it’s time for flan.

Chandler: Yup, g