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Quotes from The Big Bang Theory - (Fortunes Cookies)

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A collection of excerpts from the Television show The Big Band Theory in XML-Grammar-Fortune format, as collected by Shlomi Fish.

Table of Contents

The Fortunes Themselves

Big Bang Theory: Summer Glau #1

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Raj: Holy crap! Look!

Leonard: Is that who I think it is?

Howard: It can’t be. What would Summer Glau be doing riding the train?

Leonard: Maybe John Connor’s aboard and she’s protecting him from an evil Terminator.

Sheldon: Unlikely. That’s a television show, Leonard.

Leonard: Thank you.

Sheldon: Of course, if SkyNet actually did exist in the future, a perfect way to infiltrate and destroy mankind would be to send Terminators back posing as actors who have played Terminators in popular films and television series, lulling us into a false sense of security, i.e., that’s Summer Glau from The Sarah Connor Chronicles. No, Summer, don’t kill me! I’m pro-robot! Ahh!

Author Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady
Work The Big Bang Theory S02E17 (The Terminator Decoupling)

Big Bang Theory: Summer Glau #2

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Howard: Sheldon, I owe you an apology. Taking the train was a stroke of brilliance! I’ve actually got a shot at a Terminator [= Summer Glau].

Raj: Oh, please.When it comes to Terminators, you’ve got a better shot of scoring with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Howard: You’re overlooking something. I have 11 hours with her in a confined space. Unless she’s willing to jump off a moving train, tuck and roll down the side of a hill, she will eventually succumb to the acquired taste that is Howard Wolowitz.

Leonard: My money’s on tuck and roll.

Author Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady
Work The Big Bang Theory S02E17 (The Terminator Decoupling)

Big Bang Theory: Summer Glau #3

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Sheldon: I’m confused. I thought you were involved in some sort of socially intimate pairing with Leslie Winkle.

Howard: Sheldon, let me explain to you how this works.

Sheldon: All right.

Howard: That’s Summer Glau.

Sheldon: Yes?

Howard: That’s it.

Raj: Hang on a sec. Why do you get first crack at her?

Howard: Um, well, let’s see, couple reasons. One, I saw her first.

Raj: No, you didn’t. I did.

Howard: Fair enough. But then let me move on to number two, unlike you, I can actually talk to women when I’m sober.

Raj: You fail to take into account that even mute, I am foreign and exotic, while you, on the other hand, are frail and pasty.

Howard: Well, you know the old saying, pasty and frail never fail.

Leonard: Excuse me, but what about me? Why don’t I get a shot?

Howard: Fine, go ahead. Take a shot.

Leonard: You know, I’ve already got a gorgeous blonde back home that I can’t score with. I think I’ll let you two take this one.

Author Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady
Work The Big Bang Theory S02E17 (The Terminator Decoupling)

Big Bang Theory: Penny After Watching Buffy

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[ Penny’s Apartment: Leonard and Penny finished watching an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer ]

Leonard: So, did you love it? Of course you loved it. How could you not love it? Tell me how much you loved it.

Penny: It was cute!

Leonard: Oh, don’t say cute. That’s the worst.

Penny: What’s wrong with cute?

Leonard: It just makes things seem small. It diminishes them.

Author Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady
Work The Big Bang Theory S06E21 (The Closure Alternative)