I don't believe in fairies. Oops! A fairy died.
I don't believe in fairies. Oops! Another fairy died.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
The prefix "God Said" has the extraordinary logical property of converting any
statement that follows it into a true one.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
A Jewish Deduction

The Bible dictates that "Thou shalt not seethe [= cook] a kid [= young goat]
in his mother's milk." To avoid any possibility of breaking that regulation,
the Jewish tradition ruled that it also applies to female goats, to mature
goats, and to the meat and milk of two completely unrelated goats. It is also
forbidden to eat the meat with fresh milk, and it applies to beef and mutten
as well (including mixing the milk and meat of two different beasts). Finally,
chicken, which are incapable of milk production, may not be eaten along with
any mammal's milk either.

We are fortunate that most mathematicians were not Jewish. Otherwise, it would
have been forbidden to divide by all numbers between -1 and 1.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
I used to be arrogant. Now I'm simply Perfect.

    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
If the ancient Greeks had invented UNIX, Murphy's Law would have been known as
Aristotle's Law.

Had they invented MS-Windows, Murphy's Law would have been known as the Law of
Socrates.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Microsoft's slogan used to be "Microsoft - making it all make sense."

Today it should be: "Microsoft - making everything make sense. Ours."

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Linux - Because Software Problems Should not Cost Money.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
The American Lottery - all you need is a dollar and a dream. We will take the
dollar, but you can keep the dream.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
"Shit Happens" according to the religions of the world (Deltas by Shlomi Fish)

Judaism: God knows you will do shit, does nothing to prevent it, but makes you
take the blame for it anyways.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
"Shit Happens" according to the religions of the world
(Deltas by Shlomi Fish)

Judaism: God is all the shit, all the non-shit and all the intermediate
demi-shits in between.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Let's interpret the past according to the present and not the present
according to the past.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
"Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about
telescopes"

Edsgar W. Dijkstra

"Programming Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about
stars."

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
[Discussing the shortage of IT workers as of 1998 on E-mail]

Shlomi Fish to Omer Zak: "Even the NSA doesn't have enough programmers. But it
is not likely that they will have more and that's because 'Summerschool at the
NSA' may might as well be the name of Sarah Michelle Gellar's next movie."

Omer Zak to Shlomi Fish: "And as opposed to 'I Know What You Did Last Summer'
it is going to be scary."

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Objective philosophy is like a pencil sharpener for one's mind.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Oh! I wish you could see the look on his face! Actually, I would have also
liked to see the look on his face, but just then I woke up from the dream.

"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It"
Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Had I not been already insane, I would have long ago driven myself mad.

"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It"
Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
"Except for that, I planned a political simulator that forecast the two World
Wars after I entered all the relevant data until the year 1000 AD."

"Do you have a computer at home?"

"Oh no. At present the program is written on a paper. Don't ask how much time
it took me to take out all the bugs from it. But it was great fun!"

"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight it"
Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
"Likewise." Added the interviewer and said: "Your answers were also very ...
unusual."

"Although this description cannot testify on their quality, I take it as a
compliment."

"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It"
Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
The government of the Supporter will finance your travel, and you will be able
to leave tomorrow morning. We would like to inform you of the following facts:
we cannot assure your safety during this travel. Furthermore, despite your
long service at the Organization and your constructive proposal, we cannot
say, wholeheartedly or halfheartedly, that we wish to protect your safety.
Likewise, we cannot guarantee that we would not take actions that may harm
you, indirectly or in a direct manner.

We hope to see you here very soon.

"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It"
Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
"Okay, I think that I can now return to my country and my village. By the way,
how many forbidden books do you have?"

"Oh,", one of them said to me, " their number grows up geometrically. When I
checked two weeks ago, their number was 2,148,763. A week ago there were
4,278,109 forbidden writings. Now there must be about 8,600,000."

"You are wrong.", I said to him.

"I beg your pardon?"

"There are now exactly 8,517,559 or 8,517,560 forbidden books."

"Why is it so important?"

"Why, it means that meanwhile you have 82,440 or 82,441 extra books you can
read at bedtime if you can't fall asleep!"

"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It"
Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
"And what is the nature of those activists: Socialists? Communists? Liberals?
... "

"Let's say for simplicity that they are people of my intellect, only that as
opposed to me they are sane."

"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It"
Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
A more experienced programmer does not make less bugs. He just realizes what
went wrong more quickly.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
BTW, for an editor with no replace feature (at least not on Windows 95), no
regular-expression search and replace, no indentation support, no
syntax-highlighting and no macros and scriptability features: MS Notepad is
one hell of an editor!

"Wonderous are the ways of Microsoft" Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Suggested Improvements to the Documentation:

The WYSIWYT project was for a long time fascinated by Microsoft's tremendous
desire to advance its Internet Explorer web-browser. We saw the fact that they
switched the help systems of the upcoming Windows 98, as well as Microsoft
Visual C++ 5.0, to HTML a major step in advancing our project.

As a complementary step, some of the chief heads of our project suggested that
the Windows' manuals themselves, as well as all of Microsoft's ads, will be
designed in HTML and printed after being rendered by IE4. While this project
is in the preliminary and planning stages, we expect it to acquire a large
momentum soon.

"IRPWUG Announces Project 'WYSIWYT'" Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
If: 1. A is A.
2. A is not not-A.
does it also imply that:
1. B is B.
2. B is not not-B.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
I know I'm blond, but I have to colour my hair brown, so people would not
think I'm stupid. Because, like the title of the book says: "You've only got
Three Seconds".

Actually, since Amazon sent us two books like that, you've only got six
seconds.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Knuth is not God! It took him two days to build the Roman Empire.

Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2049

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Knuth is not God! God has already released TeX version 4.0.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%

>
> Shlomi,
>
> Have you ever considered taking a Turing test? ;-)
>
 
<sarcasm>
Sure I did. I sat at one point of an IRC channel, and someone
tested me. Eventually it was discovered that I am a computer, but it
turned out the other side was an Eliza program. Strangely enough, I could
not detect that the latter fact was true.
</sarcasm>

	Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2465
%
There is no IGLU Cabal! None of them could pass the Turing test. But strangely
enough a computer program they coded, could.

Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2465

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Hackers-IL message No. 2465 ( http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2465 )
%
Knuth is not God! Google is not God! RMS is not God!

God himself said that was the case.

Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2385

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Knuth is not God! Typing "God" into Google and pressing "I'm Feeling Lucky"
would not lead you to his homepage.

Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2084 ("The Great WWW-Wisdom Shootout")

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Knuth is not God! Unless you confuse him with Dijkstra.

Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2037

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
(I am patenting issuing a TINIC with anything else but the phrase "There is no
IGLU Cabal!". The patent number is kept secret to avoid violating the
copyright of its text)

Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2021

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
C++ supports Object-Oriented Programming roughly as much as COBOL supports
Functional Programming.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
I hope that if it had not been clear before, it isn't less clear now.

    -- One of Shlomi Fish's Technion Lecturers
%
Jack: Hi, Sophie!

Sophie: Don't "Hi, Sophie!" me.

Jack: Don't "Don't 'Hi, Sophie!' me" me!

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
My opinions may seem crazy but they all make sense. Insane sense, but sense
nonetheless.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Shlomi, I'm considering naming a corollary of Godwyn's law after you - any
discussion of anything is over when you mention Freecell Solver.

Muli Ben-Yeuhuda on #kernelnewbies (irc.kernelnewbiews.org)

Muli: BTW, I think that any discussion only begins to gain momentum when I
mention Freecell Solver.

Shlomi Fish on #offtopic (irc.kernelnewbies.org)

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
There's no point in keeping an idea to yourself since there's a 10 to 1 chance
that somebody already has it and will share it before you.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Two apples a day will keep two doctors away.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
"You are banished! You are banished! You are banished! - hey I'm just
kidding!"

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
[Discussing Foreign Languages Knowledge in the U.S.A]

Ben Collins-Sussman: Tis' true, unlike Europe, the language doesn't change
every 100 miles.

Shlomi Fish: And unlike England, the accent does not change every 10 miles.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
What happened to Christopher Michael Pilato?
Is he gone?
Is he gone for good?
Is he gone for better?
Is he gone for best?
Is he gone forever?
Will he return?
Who is Christopher Michael Pilato, anyway?

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Adapted from an IRC Monologue
%
> Can anyone draw a plan as to how to teach a computer to laugh? Say we
> define laugh as print "LOL", and define smile as print ":)". How would a
> computer know when to print any of those, and when to operate an Eliza
> program?

Judging by IRC or AOL, randomly would do just fine ;-)

	Muli Ben-Yehuda in Hackers-IL message No. 3513

    -- Muli Ben-Yehuda
    -- Hackers-IL message No. 3,153 ( http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/3513 )
%
In Philosophy, as much as in software engineering, you don't get credit for
originality. What matters is the final product, not who came up with the idea
for each feature first.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
> Unfortunatly as other people have mentioned - the HURD is seriously
> lacking in developers, especially driver writers. Linux is to blame for 
> most of that.

KImageShop is seriously lacking in developers, and the GIMP is to blame
for most of that. 

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Post to the Linux-IL Mailing List ( http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il@cs.huji.ac.il/msg31920.html )
%
He has a high degree of idealism, a high degree of stubbornness, and an even
higher degree of inability to distiniguish between the two.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
> Thanks, applied as change #22936.

And thank you for applying this patch. But to be honest, I'm a little
disappointed. I expected it won't go in so easily and will trigger some
discussion here. But there was none. No typo corrections ("you mis-spelled
'floccinaucinihilipilification'"); no flames ("this patch is the worst thing
since non-sliced bread"). Nothing.

Someone should do something about it. This direction is not healthy for p5p.
Seriously.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Post to perl5-porters ( http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.perl5.porters/92352 )
%
 <rindolf>  Right now, I think I'll go to sleep.
   <mitch>  nite rindolf
   <mitch>  sleep-fu well
 <rindolf>  mitch: night.
 <rindolf>  Bye all!
 <rindolf>  mitch: there are no PDB entries for me sleeping.
 <rindolf>  mitch: nor do I want any.
   <mitch>  haha
   <mitch>  (rindolf-sleep INTERACTIVE|NONINTERACTIVE)
 <rindolf>  mitch: heh
 <rindolf>  mitch: (plug-in-rindolf-sleep ...
   <mitch>  :)
   <Kevin>  (plug-in-rindolf-sleep 8 HOURS)

    -- Contemplating some potential procedural database functions
    -- #gimp, GimpNet
%
  <yacoob>  a quickie: are 'adjustments layers' planned to be implemented
            in gimp?
   <nomis>  yacoob: at some point in the future, yes.
  <yacoob>  nomis: dare to estimate how far this future is?
   <nomis>  yacoob: no.
 <rindolf>  yacoob: faster if you contribute.
         *  nomis waits for the "oh, I cannot program at all".
 <rindolf>  nomis: faster if he learns how to program, and then
            contributes.
   <nomis>  :)
  <yacoob>  rindolf: you wouldn't like me to contribute, believe me ;)

    -- Faster, faster!
    -- #gimp, GimpNet
%
[Commenting in Slashdot after Arnold Schwarzenegger's decision to use
open-source software in the California government:]

> This is obviously because Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are girly-men.

Yeah and what are the offerings of the open-source world? Let's see:

1. Linus Torvalds - Looks like a dweeb, ergo is a dweeb. How girly is that?
(plus his wife can kick ass better than him) 2. Richard M. Stallman - a hippy.
How girly is that? 3. Eric S. Raymond - a nice looking man with a mustache.
Baby faced, so he looks a bit girly to me. 4. Larry Wall - a cross between
Linus and RMS (i.e: a hippy dweeb) that is even more girly.

So who do we have left? Alan Cox? OK, he's manly. (huge man, huge facial hair,
etc.) And all the others are so neglible people don't even know how they look
like.

Note: this comment may have been a bit cruel, so sorry. Don't take it too
seriously, especially if you're one of the guys I laughed about. I hold you
all with the greatest respect. Seriously.

Sincerily yours, Shlomi Fish (who is a quite girly male himself).

- http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=117863&cid=9962843

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
If his programming is anything like his philosophising, he would find ten
imaginary bugs in the "Hello World" program.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Hacker sees bug. Hacker fixes bug.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Tcl is Lisp on drugs. Using strings instead of S-expressions for closures is
Evil with one of those gigantic E's you can find at the beginning of chapters.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
*Linus Torvalds:* "95% of Programmers consider themselves in the top 5%".

*Shlomi Fish's Corollary:* "95% of Programmers consider 95% of the code they
did not write, in the bottom 5%."

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
   <rindolf>  Linuxgrrl: well The Gilmore Girls is also a drama. Sort of a
              dramedie, but a serious one.
 <Linuxgrrl>  Meh.
 <Linuxgrrl>  Too girly for me.
   <rindolf>  Linuxgrrl: you are a girl.
   <rindolf>  Linuxgrrl: let me guess - you're using Debian or Gentoo,
              right?
 <Linuxgrrl>  Gentoo.
   <rindolf>  Linuxgrrl: knew it.
   <rindolf>  Linuxgrrl: no self-respecting tomboy would use Mandrake.

    -- Too Girly
    -- #linuxchics, OFTC
%
C++ is complex, complexifying and complexified.

(With apologies to the Oxford English Dictionary).

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
   <rindolf>  I'm siicckk of blogging memes.
   <rindolf>  You are this file type.
   <rindolf>  You are that type of cloth.
 <jkauffman>  You are this member of the Friends show
   <rindolf>  jkauffman: LOL.
 <jkauffman>  "January 4th, 2005: Just took an online quiz and it turns
              out I'm a Joey type"

    -- Shlomi Fish (rindolf) and jkauffman
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
  <tyler->  rindolf: you are seriously the craziest fucker I know
  <tyler->  and I know some crazy ass people
  <mofino>  haha
 <rindolf>  tyler-: I am crazy. And proud of it.
  <tyler->  rindolf: you should be
  <mofino>  haha
  <mofino>  Ahh man
 <rindolf>  tyler-: being crazy is hard work. I worked all my life to
            becrazy.
  <mofino>  Normal people aren't fun.
 <rindolf>  tyler-: "Craziness is not an action. It's a process."
  <mofino>  heh
  <tyler->  rindolf: I see
 <rindolf>  You need to tend to your insanity.
 <rindolf>  tyler-: do you want to be crazy?
  <tyler->  rindolf: that's why I feed my leprechaun at least once aday.
 <rindolf>  tyler-: I can teach you everything I know.Freenode's

    -- Becoming Crazy
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
  <rindolf>  mofino: I have some money, and am living and am supported by
             my parents.
  <rindolf>  mofino: there's much less of a taboo against living withone
             parents after school in Israel, than there is in the States.
   <mofino>  It's not taboo
   <mofino>  It's pathetic.
   <mofino>  Although, sometimes life sucks, and you have no choice.
 <q[ender]>  you know, it depends
 <q[ender]>  if you're not married and / or not getting any, it doesn't
             much matter if you live with your folks
   <mofino>  ender, usually when you have self-respect, you try and you
             know, make it on your own
  <rindolf>  q[ender]: are you married and not getting any? You could live
             with your parents.
 <q[ender]>  hahaha
   <mofino>  haha
 <q[ender]>  awesome
 <q[ender]>  rindolf++ # good burn!
%
:)-<
 +--

    -- Moses the Smiley by Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Moses the Smiley ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#moses_the_smiley )
%
The first phrase that need to be taught when teaching a new language is how to
say "Do you speak English?". The first thing that needs to be taught when
teaching a new computer tool is how to exit it.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
<<<

He who re-invents the wheel, will understand much better how a wheel works.

He who re-invents the wheel, may actually invent a much better wheel.

>>>

Shlomi Fish

<<<

He who re-invents the wheel will likely design a square wheel and spend a year
trying to figure out why it doesn't work properly.

>>>

Nadav Har'El

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Sometimes you don't need to be familiar with a better alternative to know that
something sucks. Take Microsoft Word for example.



    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
The difference between a good student and a bad student is that a bad student
forgets the material five minutes before the test, while a good student five
minutes afterwards.

    -- One of Shlomi Fish's Technion Lecturer
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Real programmers don't write workarounds. They tell their users to upgrade
their software.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Jewish Atheists are the only true Atheists. They beat the hell out of Goy
Atheists.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
    <rindolf>  ajs: perhaps Chuck Norris would be a useful addition to the
               Pugs and Parrot teams.
        <ajs>  rindolf: If Norris can write, give him a commit bit, and
               tie him to a keyboard ;)
 <FurnaceBoy>  I thought he already had commit
      <daxim>  Chuck Norris commits with a roundhouse kick into the SVN
               server's head
            *  FurnaceBoy chuckles
        <ajs>  daxim: If you can get that to pass the test suite, then
               more power to you!
 <FurnaceBoy>  Chuck *is* the test suite
    <Kattana>  chuck norris does not code, when he sits at a computer, it
               just does whatever he wants.
    <rindolf>  Kattana: :-)
      <daxim>  ah, we're easy to amuse
        <ajs>  Be the test suite, Chuck... BE the test suite.
 <FurnaceBoy>  you gotta pass 'make chuck'

    -- Chuck Norris Perlsixifies at FreeNode's #perl6 channel.
    -- #perl6, Freenode
%
"You know:", The physicist said, "in my opinion since you left the
Organization you acted without thinking a lot before you did things. I would
define your behavior as deriving from spontaneousness and fickle-mindedness
that border on rashness. Do you also think so?"

"Of course!" I answered him, "Except for arrogance, rashness is my only
defect!"

Excerpt from "The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight it" By: Shlomi Fish
http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
The current solution offered by Nvidia may be the second-best solution. But
this is one case where the second best solution is not good enough.

Shlomi Fish in http://www.petitiononline.com/nvfoss/petition.html

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
If it isn't in my email, it doesn't exist.

And if the whole world says one thing and my email says something different,
email will conquer.

-- an Israeli Linuxer.

    -- An Israeli Linuxer
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
  <rindolf>  Hi CSWookie
  <rindolf>  CSWookie: aren't you also on Freenode?
 <CSWookie>  rindolf: What's up.
 <CSWookie>  rindolf: I am.
  <rindolf>  CSWookie: I'm fine.
  <rindolf>  CSWookie: you are a Buffy fan right?
 <CSWookie>  rindolf: I am. Although really, more a Willow fan. Nothing
             hotter than red-headed Jewesses that are scared of boys.

    -- CSWookie on Willow
    -- #gimp, GimpNet
%
  <rindolf>  Hi all! How can I tell Flash in FF to play using artsd? It
             keeps trying to invoke esd. I'm on Mandriva 2007.
 <vexati0n>  the REAL question is, wtf is taking adobe so long with flash
             9 :@
 <vexati0n>  rindolf: you might have to set that with firefox' settings.
 <vexati0n>  or, do what good people do and use opera.
 <vexati0n>  :P
          *  rindolf slaps vexati0n
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: I'm not using Opera. Period.
  <rindolf>  I don't like it and it's not FOSS.
 <vexati0n>  god, it's like opera is anathema just cause people can't look
             at it's code or something.
 <vexati0n>  like YUO are going to tinker with your browser's source code
             anyway
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: actually, I did that for Firefox.
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: I have a bug pending on bugzilla.mozilla.org.
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: nah, nah, nah, nah
 <vexati0n>  well, you wouldn't have to do it with opera because it
             already works :P
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: I hate the fact that it resizes images.
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: it causes the images to be too large.
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: now tell me how do I fix that.
 <vexati0n>  opera resizes images? o.O
 <vexati0n>  do you have a page it screws up so i can look?
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: when I press Ctrl++ and Ctrl+-
 <vexati0n>  oh. you mean it doesn't just increase the size of the text.
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: take http://www.shlomifish.org/art/ for example.
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: yes.

    -- When Closed-source bites
    -- ##linux, Freenode
%
The bad thing about hardware is that it sometimes work and sometimes doesn't.
The good thing about software is that it's consistent: it always does not
work, and it always does not work in exactly the same way.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
  <rindolf>  Kev: thanks.
  <rindolf>  Kev: did you post it on the French page?
      <Kev>  not yet
  <rindolf>  Kev: you need to create an account first. But it's easy.
  <rindolf>  It's' a MediaWiki based wiki.
      <Kev>  arghhhhhhhhhhhh
  <rindolf>  Kev: what's wrong?
 <jagerman>  Maybe MediaWiki wronged him in some way!
      <Kev>  wiki
 <jagerman>  Just be thankful it isn't a blog!
  <rindolf>  Kev: what's wrong with wikis?
  <rindolf>  And be extra thankful it's not MySpace.
 <jagerman>  Mt. Allison [University] is now paying 5 students to maintain
             a "life as a Mt. A student" blog

    -- Welcome to Web 2.0
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
  <mofino>  Well I'm confused and I'm going home
  <mofino>  Later guys
  <mofino>  And girl.
  <mofino>  Young tender girl ...
  <mofino>  sweet 16 year old girl ....
    <avar>  haha
 <rindolf>  mofino: heh.
         *  mofino puts away his lynching pedo personality
  <mofino>  ;)
  <mofino>  lates
         *  ChanServ gives channel operator status to jagerman
       <--  jagerman has kicked mofino from #perlcafe (Leave already :P)
         *  jagerman removes channel operator status from jagerman
    <avar>  We have found pedobear and he is mofino
       -->  mofino has joined #perlcafe
  <mofino>  can you like not do that as I'm picking up my keys?
  <mofino>  you fagerman
 <rindolf>  fagerman, homofino, what's next?
 <rindolf>  I know - q[tyler-]
 <rindolf>  OTOH, I've been called Slimy Fish lately.
    <avar>  rindolf: The *real* Slimy Fish?
 <rindolf>  avar: the one and only 100% original real actual and unmatched
            Slimy Fish<tm>!
 <rindolf>  I'm the real Slimy, yes I'm the real Slimy, if you're the real
            Slimy and not just a Slimy. So will the real Slimy please
            stand up, please stand up...
         *  jagerman is ashamed for actually knowing those lyrics
    <avar>  sing it jew boy:)

    -- Unflattering Nicknames
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
  <rindolf>  CSWookie: tried Christian Ubuntu yet? ;-)
 <goldfish>  lol.
 <goldfish>  Oh dear, you weren't joking.
  <rindolf>  goldfish: no, I was.
 <goldfish>  hah
 <goldfish>  "Ubuntu Christian Edition is a free, open source operating
             system geared towards Christians. It is based on the popular
             Ubuntu Linux. Ubuntu is a complete Linux-based operating
             system, freely available with both community and professional
             support."
    <moldy>  i might try it soon
    <moldy>  right now we are using plain dapper at my church
 <goldfish>  moldy: hah
    <moldy>  is this that funny? :p
 <goldfish>  :)
  <rindolf>  http://christianubuntu.blogspot.com/
    <moldy>  hehe
    <moldy>  For 40 days before Easter, Ubuntu Christian Edition works in
             text mode only.
    <moldy>  haha
 <goldfish>  That's brilliant :)
  <rindolf>  There's also a Jewbuntu blog, but it's not as funny as this
             Christian Ubuntu blog.
    <moldy>  true
    <moldy>  That sounds about right -- Jesus might have preferred
             Jewbuntu since he was a Jew. Then again, Jesus was also a
             dedicated idealist, so he might have chosen Debian instead of
             Ubuntu. :-P
    <moldy>  hehehe
    <tpope>  why has ubuntu become the distro of puns?
    <moldy>  has it? there are puns for other distros, too
   <Strogg>  Jesus came from long long ago. I bet he runs debian stable.
             :)

    -- Ubuntu for Christians
    -- #vim, Freenode
%
On Sunday 01 April 2007, chromatic wrote:
> On Saturday 31 March 2007 15:26, Yuval Kogman wrote:
> > uses_version_control sounds more like lacks_manifest_skip_file which
> > should deduct kwalitee IMHO.
>
> Maybe so, but how else can CPANTS detect that you use the world's most
> advanced version control system: CVS?
>

Are you kidding?

CVS is not advanced as:

1. Microsoft Visual SourceSafe - the only sane choice for good data integrity 
and portability.

2. tarballs/zip-files and patches. This one excels in convenience, and 
robustness.

CVS is a very advanced version control system, however. I do wish that 
Subversion (which is a VCS that I have to use against my will) was as good as 
it is.

    -- Shlomi Fish answering to chromatic on 01-April-2007

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- "Re: New CPANTS metrics" ( http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.qa/2007/03/msg8491.html )
%
* Larry Wall can understand the Perl code he wrote last year.

* Larry Wall gets the colon.

* There are at least 137 Larry Walls in the U.S. but only one that matters.

* Larry Wall applies a patch manually quicker than GNU patch.

* Larry Wall dreams in Perl.

* Larry Wall can program in his sleep.

* Larry Wall is lazy, impatient and full of hubris.

* Larry Wall has more dollars in the bank than in his Perl code.

-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Electrical Engineering studies. In the Technion. Been there. Done that. Forgot
a lot. Remember too much.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Well, for the record, *I* am without faults, but i'll mention them here
anyways:

1. i really hate scriptaculous

2. i kicked a dog the other day

3. i pushed an old lady aside, on my way to get a cup of free coffee

4. i secretly program in Python

5. i like to interject and make lists

    -- Jeff Anderson
    -- Post to London Perl Mongers ( http://london.pm.org/pipermail/london.pm/Week-of-Mon-20070402/007215.html )
%
I'm not an actor - I just play one on T.V.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
   <anonuser>  You know for when they finally decide to release that
               programatic abortion they call perl 6
    <rindolf>  anonuser: on Christmas.
    <rindolf>  anonuser: don't know which one.
    <rindolf>  anonuser: you can download pugs and play with it.
   <anonuser>  rindolf, The running joke I have with friends is that Duke
               Nukem Forever (DNF) is being written in Perl6
    <rindolf>  anonuser: it's an old joke.
   <anonuser>  rindolf, DNF and Perl6 together is an old joke?
    <rindolf>  anonuser: yeah.
    <rindolf>  anonuser: "Perl 6 is the language Duke Nukem Forever will
               be written in."
    <rindolf>  Well, it's not too old, but it's a meme.
 <Aji-Dahaka>  rindolf: I'm the guy who's going to port DNF from GNU/Hurd
               to FreeBSD

    -- Discussing Vapourware
    -- ##freebsd, Freenode
%
Trying to block pornography is like climbing a waterfall and trying to stay
dry.

Drew Dexter

    -- Drew Dexter
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
I'm not straight - I'm Israeli.

Shlomi Fish (who is not gay)

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Hi Omer! Mazal Tov on Chen and yours marriage. It reminds me of a quote from
Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre:

"At this period she married, removed with her husband (a clergyman, an
excellent man, *almost worthy of such a wife*) to a distant county, and
consequently was lost to me."

Well, in your case I can say that both of you are almost worthy of each other.
Congrats again!

Shlomi Fish in: http://omerm.livejournal.com/36505.html?thread=43673#t43673

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
> You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it
> means.

It does not mean what I think it means, but it means what *you* think it
means.

<evil-laugh>Muahahahah...</evil-laugh>

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Post to Linux-elitists ( http://allium.zgp.org/pipermail/linux-elitists/2007-April/011935.html )
%
A few weeks ago, I've been to Freenode's #perl, talking to merlyn and other
guys, when we got to discuss the Biblical "Tower of Babel Myth". As it turned
out, the commonly perceived interpretation was not the one most scholars find
as more sensible, which is the one we ended up being taught at Junior High
School.

What most people think is something like that:

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< The people spoke to each other in the same language,
concentrated in one place, and decided to build a tower high enough so they
can reach God. God, a small dwarf who lived in the sky, was afraid of the
efforts of these people, because he feared they'll reach him. So he casted an
8th level Spell of Language Fragmentation, caused these people to speak in
different tongues, and without being able to understand each other, they ended
up spreading across the Earth. God was relieved and returned to his dwarfish
deeds, as dwarfs do. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Shlomi Fish in http://shlomif.livejournal.com/11889.html (Based on what his
Bible teacher said)

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
   <CIA-1>  shlomif * r1712 gegl/ (ChangeLog docs/index-static.html.in):
   <CIA-1>  * docs/index-static.html.in: fixed "GEGLs" into "GEGL's" and
            "GIMPs"
   <CIA-1>  into "GIMP's" in the homepage.
   <mitch>  why is breaking the correct writing a fix?
   <mitch>  rindolf: ?
   <mitch>  rindolf: oh i misread :)
         *  rindolf gives some GEGLs and GIMPs to the mitches.
   <mitch>  haha :)
 <rindolf>  One GEGL each!
 <rindolf>  There's not enough for everybody.
   <mitch>  GEGLS FOR THE MASSES
 <rindolf>  We should have an assembly line of GEGLs.
 <rindolf>  Mass-produce them for the ever-growing demand.

    -- One GEGL Per Child on GIMPNet's #gimp channel
    -- #gimp, GimpNet
%
   <adeht>  rindolf: my brother had AIMA in hard-cover.. and maybe I can
            get a hold of PAIP
   <adeht>  s/had/has/;
         *  adeht yays for perl
 <rindolf>  adeht: what did perl do?
   <adeht>  <adeht> s/had/has/;
 <rindolf>  adeht: it's actually from sed and ed before that.
   <adeht>  I know, but I'm using perl syntax :)
 <rindolf>  adeht: now write it in Lisp.
   <adeht>  heh.
   <adeht>  in Lisp you wouldn't use a regex for this kind of dumb
            substitution.. though you could
   <adeht>  rindolf: a nice way of writing CL code is to imagine your
            dream language for expressing that particular problem, and
            then realizing it :)
 <rindolf>  You probably wouldn't use a regex in Python either.
 <rindolf>  adeht: I see.
 <rindolf>  adeht: I'm not going to implement Perl in Common Lisp. :-D
   <adeht>  heh

    -- Dream Language in Freenode's #lisp-il
    -- #lisp-il, Freenode
%
> This reminds me of Paul Graham's articles, in which he claims that LISP
> programmers are better. But why is it so (whether or not you agree to
> the conclusion)? There are at least two opposite reasons: 1. Because
> programmers that learned LISP become better 2. Because good programmers
> prefer LISP when they come to know it.

No. 1 is true, naturally. No. 2 is not true - I know LISP but I prefer Perl. 
Other like Python, etc. The reasons I don't prefer LISP are:

1. The standards of Common LISP and Scheme don't define anything practical.
2. LISP is at the moment incredibly verbose.
3. As Larry Wall noted, all LISP code comes in parenthesis and so it all looks 
the same. (Perl is the exact opposite in this regard).
4. I cannot make heads nor tails of serious LISP code. Many LISPers create so 
many macros and use them along with regular LISP code, so you keep having to 
refer to the previous definitions, and make a lot of research to get you 
started.

SICP Scheme is easy and fun. But serious LISP code can take too much time to 
understand. OTOH, recently I had little problem reading the source code of 
other Perl programmers, and extending it or fixing bugs. (likewise for 
Python).

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Post to Linux-IL ( http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il%40cs.huji.ac.il/msg39629.html )
%
We don't know his cellphone number, and even if we did, we would tell you that
we didn't know it.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
plis tak mi auot from yuor mail list.

-- This Engrew sentence contains very few errors. -- From a message sent to
Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
What do you mean by "WDYM"?

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Chen Shapira: spent 5 hours yesterday trying to get Windows to print on my new
wireless printer. It still doesn't work. On Ubuntu it worked after few
minutes.

Shlomi Fish: Heh. Linux++ .

Chen Shapira: I'd do Windows-- , but this may result in an integer underflow.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
A few days ago I joined #mandriva on Freenode trying to get to the bottom of a
problem I have with KMail at work, where I cannot start KAddressBook from
inside it. I asked my question and soon afterwards received:

* One Thunderbird recommendation.
* Two Evolution recommendations.
* One Sylpheed Claws recommendation.
* One GMail recommendation.

The problem is that I wasn't interested to learn about alternative E-mail
clients, and just wanted to get my problem solved. And in GMail's case it was
completely out of the question due to my work's constraints.

-- Shlomi Fish in --
http://www.shlomifish.org/philosophy/computers/web/use-qmail-instead/

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The "Use qmail instead" Syndrome ( http://www.shlomifish.org/philosophy/computers/web/use-qmail-instead/ )
%
RTFM vs. JATFM --------------

I recently had to figure out how to do something with wget: get everything
below a directory on the web-server, without following links to outside it. So
I logged in to FreeNode's #debian channel, where there are many knowledgable
people to ask it. The first answer I got was "RTFM". So, I read the wget man
page, but could not find it there. Eventually, after telling people that it
would be faster to give an answer, I got a reply ( add the -np -r flags). But
this has been the last straw.

I composed my own acronym. Just like RTFM is "Read the Fabulous Manual" and
STFW is "Search the Fabulous Web", then JATFM is "Just Answer the Fabulous
Man". It means that it's usually faster to answer someone's question than to
ask him to RTFM, which is just going to annoy him. I think the RTFM mantra has
done a lot of damage in the UNIX/Linux world, and I hope JATFMing would prove
to be a more healthy ideology.

-- Shlomi Fish in --
http://www.advogato.org/person/shlomif/diary.html?start=215

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
A: I'm busy right now - I have to do TWAIN.

B: Do Shania Twain?

C: Oh, I'd love to do Shania Twain.

-- Adapted from a conversation on Freenode's #perl

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
       -->  spx2 has joined #soc-help
    <spx2>  I want to FIGHT FOR PERL IN GSOC !
    <spx2>  I feel the power of metal in my veins
    <spx2>  perl is flowing in my blood !
    <spx2>  What perl Armies can I join this YEAR ?
    <ambs>  spx2: a lot :)
    <spx2>  ambs: Hail BRETHREN !
    <spx2>  where are the armies ???
    <spx2>  I want to ENGAGE and start preparing my weapons !
    <spx2>  ambs: what projects are this year ?
    <ambs>  spx2: ideas at
            http://www.perlfoundation.org/perl5/index.cgi?gsoc2008_projects
    <spx2>  I will fight this year in the PERL battle !
 <rindolf>  spx2: Python is for the WEAK and TIMID!
    <spx2>  rindolf: TOTALLY !
         *  spx2 examines the war grounds

    -- Fight for Perl
    -- #soc-help, MAGNet
%
> So, yeah... there are no gods, only heroes.  And anyone can become
> a hero.  And even heroes are just regular people.
>

I don't suppose we should propose that as an alternative to Perl Gods, there 
should at least be Perl Saints:

http://www.stallman.org/saint.html

Of course, I'm not sure what being a Perl saint would imply. Using nothing but 
Perl? (Including not C in which perl 5 is written?)

Oh well.

Not that I mind the Perl Gods stereotype stuff.

Regards,

        Shlomi Fish (a Perl saint^W hero wannabe, but definitely 
        not a Perl God)

    -- 

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Post to to San-Fransisco Perl Mongers Mailing List ( http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001644.html )
%
> > > Of course, I'm not sure what being a Perl saint would imply.
> >
> >  It would imply having been killed for your faith in Perl.
> 
> Does that make Randal the Spanish Inquisition?

No one expects the Randal Schwartz condition ;)

    -- Shlomi Fish, frosty, Duane Obrien and David Fetter in: 
    --http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001650.html  
%
>  > > > Of course, I'm not sure what being a Perl saint would imply.
>  > >
>  > >  It would imply having been killed for your faith in Perl.
>  >
>  > Does that make Randal the Spanish Inquisition?
>
>  No on expects the Randal Schwartz condition ;)

I almost feel honor bound now to start a noise band called The Randal
Schwartz Condition.  I could shout his rants into a microphone while
the rest of the band flogged a newbie live on stage.

    -- Duane Obrien in:
    -- http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001651.html
%
>>>>> "Duane" == Duane Obrien <duane.obrien at gmail.com> writes:

Duane> Alternately, The Randal Schwartz Condition is now accepting bookings
Duane> for birthdays, weddings, religious ceremonies of any kind, or occasions
Duane> where your consulting company throws a big party at some conference.
Duane> Email me off-list for details on how to get advance copies of our demo
Duane> "I'm The Real Tim Toady"

I'm already thinking of words to the "tune" of "I'm the real Slim Shady".

Damn you. :)

    -- Duane Obrien and Randal L. Schwartz
    -- http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001655.html
%
> > In that case, lacking good links or a definitive reference text, I'll have
> > to ignore your comment earlier.
> > 
> > I hope it's not much of a flamewar so far, but it sure seems to have
> > escalated into a minor one. "You are a Nazi!" 
> > ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law ) - oops!
> 
> Please.  The Nazi's were socialists.  I'm a little to the right of
> Attila the Hun.
>

And I thought Attila was a Humanitarian.

    -- Shlomi Fish, Guy Hulbert and Shlomi Fish in:
    -- http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.module-authors/2008/04/msg6432.html

    -- Shlomi Fish and Guy Hulbert
    -- Post to the Perl module-authors mailing list ( http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.module-authors/2008/04/msg6432.html )
%
I often wonder why I hang out with so many people who are so pedantic. And
then I remember - because they are so pedantic.

-- an Israeli Perl Monger

    -- Israeli Perl Monger
    -- Shlomi Fish's Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
  <rindolf>  p13: do you write scripts?
      <p13>  rindolf, init scripts and sys maintenance scripts in csh sh
             and bash
      <p13>  but i suck
      <p13>  haha
      <p13>  i made them SO unreadable on purpose too
      <p13>  my var names for example
      <p13>  i would use random quotes from coworkers
      <p13>  like "wereoutofcoffee"
      <p13>  or "ihatemyjob"
      <p13>  etc etc
 <trashguy>  i hate people lik eyou p13
      <p13>  trashguy, hahaha
 <trashguy>  atleast the variabls are obvious and not mistaken for
             functions and shit
 <elgrande>  i stringly recommend to call variables only: var1, var2, var3
             ... var999
 <elgrande>  but for purpose of clarity, after var999 continue with varB1,
             varB2,...
  <rindolf>  elgrande: <elgrande> i stringly recommend to call variables
             only: var1, var2, var3 ... var999 - excellent advice.
  <rindolf>  elgrande: LOL.
 <elgrande>  rindolf: and of course: cls1, func1, meth1, if1
 <elgrande>  so if var3 > var2 then var1 = cls3->meth2 endif
  <rindolf>  elgrande: heh.
  <rindolf>  obj997
 <elgrande>  everyone is understand this!
  <rindolf>  elgrande: I'll probably make a fortune cookie out of it.
 <elgrande>  obj997 bevahes like this, because it implements if371
 <elgrande>  ^^
  <rindolf>  elgrande: you're still going.

    -- Variable Naming
    -- #not-##freebsd, Freenode
%
<monty-python>

A: You Linux kids are so lucky. When we were using Windows 95 and Windows 3.11
it kept getting stuck and we lost all our data. We had to reboot it.

B: You used Windows 95! Lucky Bastard! When I was your age, we used DOS on CGA
screens, and we were lucky if we had 4 colors, much less a true windowing
environment.

C: You had DOS with graphics? Lucky bastard! When I was your age, I used
VT-100 terminals connected to a VAX. 128 characters should be enough for
everybody?

D: Visual Terminals? When I was your age, we used teletypes on a PDP-11: the
computer printed on paper - very slowly. Can you imagine cat'ing a really long
document?

E: Teletypes were heaven compared to the punch cards that I was using. Imagine
going over to the computer with a large amount of punch cards and then
dropping them all.

F: Punch cards! What is this talk about punch cards? We inputted machine code
direclty using buttons and LEDs.

G: And all *we* had were NAND gates!

</monty-python>

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Email Message
%
     <rindolf>  Hi all.
 <scorchsaber>  <all> Hi rindolf
     <rindolf>  scorchsaber: heh.
     <rindolf>  scorchsaber++
     <rindolf>  Or in Python:
     <rindolf>  scorchsaber+=1
       <rillo>  ??
     <rindolf>  rillo: Python does not have a ++ operator.
 <scorchsaber>  rindolf: Oh, but it does have a + operator.
       <rillo>  ah. i'm new to python so i diddnt know
 <scorchsaber>  A few days ago, it was suggested that I implement ++ using
                the + operator.
 <scorchsaber>  And I did so. :)
 <scorchsaber>  So, really, a++; is valid in Python, and it may even
                increment a by one. If somebody was crazy, anyhow, and if
                a was mutable.
       <rillo>  shall i move back to perl to get the ++
       <rillo>  ?
     <rindolf>  rillo: no, use COBOL instead.
     <rindolf>  ADD 1 TO COBOL GIVING COBOL
       <verte>  :(
       <verte>  eww, magic numbers!
     <rindolf>  "COBOL is the old Java"
       <verte>  ADD ONE TO COBOL GIVING COBOL
     <rindolf>  verte: heh.
     <rindolf>  verte: 1 is not a magic number.
     <rindolf>  ASSIGN 1 to ONE
     <rindolf>  0, 1, infinity.
     <rindolf>  verte: LOL.
     <rindolf>  verte++
   <\amethyst>  COMPUTE COBOL = COBOL + 1

    -- On Incrementing
    -- #python, Freenode
%
I met a guy in the bar, talked to her and she gave me her phone number.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#met_a_guy_in_the_bar )
%
   <rindolf>  TimToady: so BASIC was your first language?
  <TimToady>  no, English was my first language. :)
   <rindolf>  TimToady: I started with XT ROM BASIC, but I suppose it was
              something like Perl 5 was to Perl 4 for your BASIC.
   <rindolf>  BASIC has greatly evolved since Dartmouth BASIC.
   <rindolf>  TimToady: ah.
   <rindolf>  TimToady: not Chomsky's Universal language?
  <TimToady>  feh
 <diakopter>  rindolf: what's the name of the Parrot implementation of
              Intercal?
     <Juerd>  21:04 <@TimToady> we have a test suite right now because of
              pugs
     <Juerd>  Very, very important.
   <rindolf>  diakopter: I don't know.
   <rindolf>  Juerd: yes, very.
   <rindolf>  Juerd: anyway, I expect that at every given time all tests
              will pass.
     <Juerd>  Well, there are probably bad tests too :)
     <Juerd>  Given the volume of the suite, and that pugs has never been
              able to even parse everything :0
     <Juerd>  :)
  <TimToady>  testrot accounts for many of those :)
   <rindolf>  TimToady: testrot...
   <rindolf>  TimToady++
   <rindolf>  How long does it take Pugs to run the entire Pugs test
              suite?
  <TimToady>  but a number of them were misunderstandings at the time
   <rindolf>  Because Pugs is kinda slow.
 <diakopter>  defudge should be renamed Passover...
  <TimToady>  used to run on my old laptop in about 25 minutes
   <rindolf>  TimToady: or cute bugs.
   <rindolf>  I mean implementation details.
   <rindolf>  TimToady: kinda long.
  <TimToady>  audreyt's dual core used to run them in 10 minutes
  <TimToady>  I haven't tried on my new laptop, since I haven't installed
              the lates ghc yet
  <TimToady>  first make it run, then make it run right, then make it run
              fast
   <rindolf>  TimToady: another problem with Pugs is that it kept
              requiring the latest ghc.
     <Juerd>  Did pugs drive GHC development perhaps? :D
  <TimToady>  shrug, you shouldn't pick on a software project when it's
              down
  <TimToady>  Juerd: yes, I believe some of that happened too
   <rindolf>  TimToady: "After Death - say holy."
   <rindolf>  TimToady: it's a Hebrew phrase.
  <TimToady>  Actually, I'm just about out of After Death--I've got a
              bottle of Mega Death now too.
  <TimToady>  just had some on my potatoes, yum.
  <spinclad>  sounds hot
  <TimToady>  of the first six ingredients, five of them are hot. Red
              habanero pods, cayenne chilies, white vinegar, natural
              pepper flavor, ancho chilies, chipotle chilies, molasses,
              guava nectar, fresh ginger, salt, spices.
  <TimToady>  'bout 550,000 scovilles
  <TimToady>  After Death is only about 500k
  <TimToady>  Tabasco is only about 35k
  <spinclad>  tabasco i'm calibrated on -- now i can (only) imagine
  <TimToady>  so roughly 15 times hotter
  <spinclad>  'add 1/15 drop per 100 potatoes'
  <TimToady>  I generally only use it about one "plop" at a time
  <TimToady>  unless I really want a large endorphin kick
   <rindolf>  TimToady: LOL.
  <spinclad>  enjoy yr clear sinuses
   <rindolf>  TimToady+=5
   <rindolf>  "After Death"
   <rindolf>  Reminds me of that screensaver.
   <rindolf>  "After Hours"
     <vixey>  After Dark
     <vixey>  with the flying toasters?
   <rindolf>  vixey: yes, that's the one.
   <rindolf>  Also had a nice Looney Tunes one.
   <rindolf>  "I now proclaim this computer in the name of Mars!"
   <rindolf>  (Marvin the Martian)++
     <vixey>  they were cool
   <rindolf>  I recall something about wine being able to run Windows
              screensavers.
  <spinclad>  "where's the kaboom? there was meant to be a case-shattering
              kaboom."
   <rindolf>  XScreenSaver is a pre-Autoconf hell from what I understood.

    -- BASIC, Pugs and "After Death"
    -- #perl6, Freenode
%
Two female dogs talking about modern-life:

*Jasmine:* It's so cool! On the Internet, no one knows you're a dog!

*Daisy:* Yeah, but everyone can tell right away that you're a bitch!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#on_the_Internet )
%
  <pmurias>  rindolf: what is Park/Spark?
  <rindolf>  pmurias:
             http://www.shlomifish.org/open-source/projects/Park-Lisp/
  <rindolf>  pmurias: it's still incomplete.
  <rindolf>  And I haven't updated it.
  <pmurias>  rindolf: if you like lisp/perl6 projects you might consider
             helping with a common lisp elf backend
  <rindolf>  pmurias: Common Lisp.
  <rindolf>  pmurias: thing is I think both CL and Scheme suck.
  <rindolf>  I like Lisp as a concept.
  <rindolf>  Arc is nice, but has too many implementation problems.
  <rindolf>  And missing features.
    <vixey>  Arc is not nice
  <rindolf>  I want to give a presentation to the Perl Mongers about
             "Foreign Languages: Lisp"
  <rindolf>  vixey: I like it.
  <rindolf>  Though I hate that "(not)" has become "(no)"
  <rindolf>  it's so non-English.
    <vixey>  it's just TCL with horrible syntax
  <rindolf>  vixey: but it's missing a lot of exciting features.
  <rindolf>  Which PG deemed as unnecessary.
  <rindolf>  Doesn't look like the 100-years language to me.
  <rindolf>  Which is why - Spark!
  <pmurias>  why not just write an s-expression p6 dialect?
  <rindolf>  pmurias: could be.
  <rindolf>  pmurias: it's another approach.
  <rindolf>  But some things make sense in Lisp and not in p6.
  <rindolf>  For example, Perl does not like to use + for string or list
             concat.
  <rindolf>  While Python does and it seems to be OK in Arc too.
  <rindolf>  And in CL you have (concatenate) (yuck!).
  <pbuetow>  (((hehe)))
  <pmurias>  + for strings sucks
    <Auzon>  seconded.
    <vixey>  rindolf: If you don't like CONCATENATE you can just rename it
  <rindolf>  vixey: yeah.
  <rindolf>  vixey: but I'd rather not rename concatenate because then
             people won't understand my code.
  <rindolf>  vixey: as TimToady said people hate abstractions.
    <vixey>  yes they will rindolf
  <rindolf>  They want things to work out of the box.
    <vixey>  A program is many many totally newly defined procedures
    <vixey>  just renaming one thing is nothing in the context of a big
             program
  <rindolf>  vixey: "let's spend 3 days creating a new language, and 1 day
             implementing the solution with it."
 <TimToady>  if it would take 10 days without the new language, it's worth
             it
  <rindolf>  TimToady: yeah.
  <rindolf>  TimToady: but this is the CL mentality.
    <vixey>  no it's not
  <rindolf>  Sometimes you can take 1 day to write an API.
    <vixey>  CL is too diverse you cannot generalize like that
  <rindolf>  vixey: I meant a common idiom there.
  <rindolf>  I think I'll /quit and do something productive.
  <rindolf>  Like work on Spark.
    <vixey>  another quote:
    <vixey>  how to write any computer program in two easy stages:
    <vixey>  Design and implement the programming language which would be
             best for solving the problem.
    <vixey>  Write the program in the language you’ve just implemented.
  <rindolf>  vixey: or just use Perl which is the best for everything.
    <vixey>  heh
 <TimToady>  the second step is obvious--the best language for the job is
             one that does the job on a null input
          *  pmichaud notes that vixey's algorithm is somewhat recursive
 <TimToady>  "All rules of thumb are false, including this one."
  <pmurias>  rindolf: when you feel like writing Common Lisp backends,
             contact me or mncharity ;)

    -- Lisp Dialects (Scheme, Common Lisp, Arc, Spark) Mentality and Usability
    -- #perl6, Freenode
%
<<<

[Discussing the shortage of IT workers as of 1998 on E-mail]

Shlomi Fish to Omer Zak: "Even the NSA doesn't have enough programmers. But it
is not likely that they will have more and that's because 'Summerschool at the
NSA' may might as well be the name of Sarah Michelle Gellar's next movie."

Omer Zak to Shlomi Fish: "And as opposed to 'I Know What You Did Last Summer'
it is going to be scary."

>>>

*Kilmo:* why would you like to make fun 'bout the crypto world ? ;) The NSA
does know what you did last summer. And by putting this on the web, they know
that you know.

Which may lead to interesting philosophical issues. BTW, in a conference I was
attending we were given a sticker saying: "NSA - free email backup".

They still have some issue with the retrieval procedures, but besides of that
- they are quite a trusted service.

*Shlomi Fish:* In my case, I think every random joe can learn a lot about me.
Even if he's not in Google or the NSA or whatever.

*Kilmo:* Yep. but this is a world-wide service that they offer. (Along with
several cooperations, like MI5/6).

    -- Shlomi Fish and Kilmo
    -- Aphorisms Collection
%
*Ran Eilam To Shlomi Fish:* so what are you working on? Working on a new wiki
about unit testing fortunes in freecell?

    -- Ran Eilam
    -- Jabber Conversation
%
Well, despite the fact that I hardly publicised my last essay about the
"Closed Books", it has been chromatic'd. Rumours are that all the bloggers
whose blog posts/essays were deprecated on chromatic's blog are now rich,
famous and the object of the affection of many attractive members of the
appropriate sex. *Memo to self:* prepare a limited edition T-shirt: "My blog
post was chromatic'd. I pwn you as a blogger."

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- "Dealing with Approval Addiction (and Implied Stress Periods) ( http://use.perl.org/~Shlomi+Fish/journal/36812 )
%
Richard M. Stallman (RMS) decides to release his brand-new editor, "Emacs" on
the CPAN with its first version 29.999.99. In order to package it, he invokes
the trusty ol' module-starter (see http://search.cpan.org/dist/Module-Starter/
) which creates a skeleton of a CPAN distribution for him.

He fills in the skeleton with the actual code of Emacs, types "perl Build.PL",
and "./Build test" and makes sure all the tests pass. Then he types "./Build
config --gui" and gets a nice GUI to configure the various parameters of the
Module meta-data.[M-B-Data]

In the GUI, Richard goes to the Trove categorisation tab, and selects
categories. This is done in a similar way to Freshmeat's project
categorisation dialog (a list of options to the left, with selected options to
the right and arrows to move them left or right, while allowing multiple
select options.). He chooses such categories as "Programming Language ::
Lisp", and "Intended Audience :: Emacs Users", "Operating System :: GNU", and
"Topic :: Editors". (Note: I believe the category list should be fetched using
a public web-service to keep them up-to-date.)

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Functional Spec for the CPAN Classification Proposal ( http://svn.berlios.de/svnroot/repos/web-cpan/CPAN-Module-Classification/trunk/docs/functional-spec-for-CPAN-Classification-Proposal.txt )
%
After several weeks of having the editor on CPAN, Richard has received many
patches, and wrote a lot of code on his own. Now Emacs is not only an editor
but a calendar tool, an Eliza program, a web browser, a mail user agent and
many other things.

So in order to release version 30.000.00 he needs to update the
categorisation. He runs ./Build config --gui again, and adds more categories.
However, he enters too many categories (because Emacs now does them all), and
the GUI refuses to save the file because it will overflow the limit that the
web-service specified the CPAN classification services allow to handle. So
Richard keeps only the important categories, adds more tags, and saves it.

He then tests the distribution again, and uploads the new distribution to the
CPAN.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Functional Spec for the CPAN Classification Proposal ( http://svn.berlios.de/svnroot/repos/web-cpan/CPAN-Module-Classification/trunk/docs/functional-spec-for-CPAN-Classification-Proposal.txt )
%
Bill Gates, CEO of Microsoft decides to use Richard Stallman's Emacs as the
basis of his company's state-of-the-art product Microsoft Editing Macros™
Enterprise Edition XP .NET Professional. However since MS Editing Macros™ is a
commercial, proprietary program which he intends to sell at computer stores,
Bill is not going to upload it to the CPAN. He builds upon Emacs, sends
patches to Richard and learns a lot about it.

When he's finished building Microsoft Editing Macros™ he surfs to the Emacs
homepage on CPAN, and adds some categories and tags of his own.

Eventually, enough people like Bill tag and categorise Emacs, and it gains
more classification.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Functional Spec for the CPAN Classification Proposal ( http://svn.berlios.de/svnroot/repos/web-cpan/CPAN-Module-Classification/trunk/docs/functional-spec-for-CPAN-Classification-Proposal.txt )
%
   <rindolf>  "Who's the idiot that wrote this code?"
   <rindolf>  That's what many people say when looking at their old code.
 <jkauffman>  "I can't believe I used to listen to this crap"
 <jkauffman>  that's what people say when they look back at their old
              music collection
   <rindolf>  jkauffman: I don't usually.
   <rindolf>  jkauffman: I am however, a bit ashamed of some of the shows
              I liked when I was younger.
   <rindolf>  jkauffman: they seem a bit cheesy now.
 <jkauffman>  yes, you're onto such better things now that you can fully
              appreciate the gilmore girls
   <rindolf>  jkauffman: you can never really appreciate The Gilmore Girls
              until you've watched it in the original Klingon.

    -- Looking Back at Your Old Habits
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
 <rindolf>  cl0ud: what's up?
   <cl0ud>  rindolf: just getting ready for work on this drizzly day
   <cl0ud>  rindolf: and feeling great
   <cl0ud>  rindolf: you?
 <rindolf>  cl0ud: sending an email to the Extreme Programming mailing
            list.
      <ik>  xtreme
      <ik>  rindolf: tell them that in order to be truly extreme, they
            need to ditch their pair-programming buddy system and start
            programming with spent ammunition and unexploded shells
 <rindolf>  ik: heh.
 <rindolf>  Extremist Programming
      <ik>  haha
 <rindolf>  Ik-stremist Programming.
      <ik>  :o
   <ispy_>  What about Psycho Coding?
   <ispy_>  :)
   <ispy_>  PSYCoder <--- cool name for an editor :)
   <cl0ud>  Psychaudit <- memory tester
 <rindolf>  Neuraudit
   <ispy_>  Hahah

    -- Really Extreme Programming
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
*Larry:* final exams are on Tuesday and through Friday, so you won't see me
for a while, or if you do - then you should shoot me.

*Shlomi:* I Will shoot you with my cross-intertubes-laser-gun.

*Larry:* HAHAHA.

*Shlomi:* Which I don't have.

*Larry:* Which network topology will you implement, for better accuracy ?

*Shlomi:* I'll just depend on the standard TCP/IP routing. Overlay the laser
on top of the TCP packets.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- IM Chat with Larry
%
God gave us two eyes and ten fingers so we will type five times as much as we
read.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#God_gave_us_two_eyes )
%
Only wimps complain about bad code. Real men clean it up.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#only_wimps_complain_about_bad_code )
%
Wikipedia has a page about everything including the
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitchen_sink .

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#wikipedia_has )
%
*shlomif:* hack, hack, hack ; save ; make ; make test; commit. And start over.

*mrjink:*hack, hack, hack; save; make; swear; fix typos; save; make; make
test; swear some more; hack some more; save; make; make test; cheer; commit.

*meep:* hack, make, test, segfault, oh noes, revert to previous revision

    -- Shlomi Fish and Others
    -- On Plurk. ( http://www.plurk.com/p/r9fq1 )
%
Well, it's not a threat - it's a warning, and he won't be harmed much by
acting against my advice. A threat is something like "Stop posting political
posts or I will burn your house, rape your wife and daughters, banish you to
the middle of Antarctica, convert all your Perl code to PHP, and then post it
on thedailywtf.com."

Regarding what you say that "no one cares if you unsubscribe", then this
reminds me of what Fred Brooks says in "The Mythical Man-Month": "How does a
project becomes late? One day at a time.". If you're not careful, you might
lose a large percent of your blog's readership, one subscriber at a time.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- use.perl.org comment ( http://use.perl.org/comments.pl?sid=42958&cid=68560 )
%
 <metaperl_work>  thank you
 <metaperl_work>  nothingmuch, i want to chat with you on kiokudb
       <rindolf>  Hi metaperl_work
      <confound>  you should chat with him on #kiokudb then
           <mst>  metaperl_work: you mean "about kiokudb"
 <metaperl_work>  rindolf, hi! long time no see
       <rindolf>  metaperl_work: yes.
 <metaperl_work>  we are talking in #kiokudb confound
       <rindolf>  metaperl_work: what have you been up to?
      <confound>  no, this is #moose!
 <metaperl_work>  confound, "we" = me and yuval
 <metaperl_work>  rindolf, well.... keeping Seamstress up to date
       <rindolf>  metaperl_work: yuval and I.
       <jhannah>  In related news: i'm chatting on my mobile phone
 <metaperl_work>  Moose is saving my life... SUPER handy
 <metaperl_work>  jhannah, what type of mobile phone?
       <rindolf>  metaperl_work: what is Seamstress?
          <purl>  Seamstress is really nothing anyway
      <confound>  it's on cpan
       <jhannah>  metaperl_work: please take that question to
                  #jhannah_phones
           <mst>  jhannah++
        <stevan>  jhannah: which network, there doesnt seem to be anyone
                  there
   <nothingmuch>  i think buffy might be a closet lesbian
               *  stevan HAS TO KNOW!!!!
        <stevan>  nothingmuch: duh
   <nothingmuch>  stevan: i think you kinda missed the joke =P
        <stevan>  take that to #closet-lesbian-vampire-slayers
       <jhannah>  i get jokes
       <rindolf>  stevan: LOL. stevan++
         <dhoss>  jhannah++
       <jhannah>  stevan: i have hundreds of invisible groupies in dozens
                  of #jhannah_* channels. they are well trained to be
                  quiet when interlopers lope in

    -- Take that to a different channel
    -- #moose, MAGNet
%
  <rindolf>  uwd: what's up?
  <rindolf>  BTW, how has English become the official language of
             Singapore?
  <Altreus>  Viral marketing
      <uwd>  singapore has four official languages.
      <uwd>  one national one.
      <uwd>  also, politics.
      <uwd>  also, see wikipedia.
  <Altreus>  it knows all
  <Altreus>  [citation needed]
       <ik>  rindolf: it's a byproduct of the Richard Nixon / Henry Ford's
             campaign for chief taxonomist of western Nepal
  <rindolf>  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Languages_of_Singapore
       <ik>  (a coveted position)
  <Altreus>  taxonomist!
  <rindolf>  Wikpedia has an article about everything including the
             http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitchen_sink
  <Altreus>  They are in charge of taxis!
  <Altreus>  disambiguation pages make me sad :(
       <ik>  I like the disambiguity!
  <rindolf>  ik: heh
      <uwd>  i like disambiguation pages. they say "this thing you seek...
             it is not only one thing, you see? no, no, mon ami, this
             world, she is too big to contain only one of everything, eh?"
  <Altreus>  :D you talk like dee
      <uwd>  what.
  <Altreus>  wat
  <Altreus>  That message you said in French could have been typed by dee!
  <Altreus>  except it was you.
  <Altreus>  you doubleyou dee
      <uwd>  it was in English, actually.
  <Altreus>  okay
  <Altreus>  But it had some French in it
  <Altreus>  !
       <ik>  Two words! Four, if you count "no". Twice.
  <rindolf>  Yes, it sounded French to me too.
  <Altreus>  no is not french
  <rindolf>  non is.
  <Altreus>  oui!
  <Altreus>  elle n'a pas dit non
  <rindolf>  In any case saying "She" of the world is also a Frenchism.
  <rindolf>  Je ne sais pas.
       <ik>  But it's not french
  <rindolf>  Parlez vous anglais?
      <uwd>  it is also a generic Euroism.
  <Altreus>  oui
  <Altreus>  England is Europe too :(
      <uwd>  so not that French.
 <pkrumins>  Je m'appelle Pierre
  <rindolf>  pkrumins: heh.
 <pkrumins>  Je suis 24 ans!
  <Altreus>  Gods, the number of times I got contradicted at school for
             knowing that England was in Europe
 <pkrumins>  Je h'abite Riga
      <uwd>  Altreus: dude, given that was mostly English, i don't see why
             the sadface.
  <rindolf>  Tu s'appelle Peteris
  <Altreus>  it's no wonder stupid people make me violent
 <pkrumins>  Je'abite
  <rindolf>  pkrumins: not en Riga?
 <pkrumins>  maybe
  <rindolf>  or de Riga?
  <Altreus>  uwd: hmm
  <rindolf>  J'abite, non?
  <Altreus>  I seem to sadface a lot more than is necessary due to how I'm
             never actually sad
 <pkrumins>  Oui.
  <Altreus>  rindolf: habite
 <pkrumins>  Je monger a macdo.
  <Altreus>  il y a un h
 <pkrumins>  Je travailler on ordinator
 <pkrumins>  a programmator.
 <pkrumins>  Oui.
  <Altreus>  en!
  <Altreus>  probably au tbh
  <Altreus>  but a l' because vowel
      <uwd>  l'ordinator?
  <Altreus>  And travaille is the first-person present participle
  <Altreus>  And -eur
  <Altreus>  But mostly right!
      <uwd>  why -eur?
          *  Altreus pats pkrumins on the back
  <Altreus>  ordinateur
 <pkrumins>  tehe.
 <pkrumins>  jadone chats
  <Altreus>  I wonder if a pink one is an ordinateuse
 <pkrumins>  (or was it chiens)
      <uwd>  it's so much easier to say she and mon ami and have people
             think it's french than actually speak french...
 <pkrumins>  i think chats
 <pkrumins>  j'adore chats
 <pkrumins>  jaim a perl chat
  <Shiyiya>  jain n'est pas un mot
  <Shiyiya>  *jaim
  <Altreus>  j'aime
  <Shiyiya>  aussi jadone n'est pas un mot
 <pkrumins>  hmm
 <pkrumins>  pawings
 <pkrumins>  all i can say
  <rindolf>  pkrumins: chien is a dog.
  <rindolf>  I think.
  <Shiyiya>  Ues, chien is dog
  <Shiyiya>  *Yes
  <rindolf>  chat
  <rindolf>  chatte for feminine
  <rindolf>  http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cat

    -- How good is your French?
    -- #perl-cats, Freenode
%
What does "IDK" stand for? I don't know.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#what_does_IDK_stand_for )
%
PHP error debug list:

1) did you use the correct argument order? if you're a good programmer, use
the *reverse* from what you think it is. see if it works. no? you're not a
good programmer, or you learned php's braindeadness and can go on to step 2).

2) did you think about your code? if so, don't. php will do it for you so you
can do mindbogglingly stupid stuff, such as not escape the data that goes into
your sql queries.

[Dazjorz](http://dazjorz.com/)

    -- Dazjorz
    -- MSN Conversation between Dazjorz and Shlomi Fish ( http://dazjorz.com/ )
%
  <Su-Shee>  rindolf: yes, I played with Squeak a little and yes I'd like
             a vim clone written in perl.
  <Makoryu>  Why isn't there one already, then?
  <Makoryu>  (A vim clone in Perl)
  <Su-Shee>  good question. there's one in javascript :)
  <rindolf>  Su-Shee: actually , it's a vi clone.
  <rindolf>  Writing a vi clone is much easier than writing a vim clone.
  <rindolf>  Just like writing a Scheme clone is much easier than writing
             a Perl 6 implementation.
  <rindolf>  Unless you're Chuck Norris.
  <Su-Shee>  rindolf: darn.. he already wrote a vim in perl6?
  <moritz_>  no, he scared K&R into writing it ;-)
  <rindolf>  Su-Shee: Chuck Norris is the ghost author of the entire
             Debian GNU/Linux distribution.
  <rindolf>  Su-Shee: and he wrote it in 24 hours, while taking snack
             breaks.
  <Su-Shee>  rindolf: yes, I know - he published slackware under the
             pseudonym patrick volkerding...
  <rindolf>  Chuck Norris read the entire Wikipedia. Twice.
   <araujo>  the second time includes fixing all its errors
  <moritz_>  but he didn't commmit his changes, it seems
  <rindolf>  moritz_: heh.
  <rindolf>  LOL.
   <araujo>  Chuck Norris doesn't commit changes, the changes commit for
             him
   <araujo>  :)
  <rindolf>  Code is too scared of Chuck to be wrong.
  <rindolf>  It is generated right in the first time.
  <rindolf>  Bugs are too afraid to reproduce on Chuck Norris' computer.
  <Su-Shee>  .o(I see a chuck norris release on the horizon... ;)
  <rindolf>  Su-Shee: :-)
  <Su-Shee>  we could ask chuck norris if he's willing to promote the star
             release.. ;)) (which probably kill the entire internet due to
             laughter.. :)
   <araujo>  Perl 6 - A Chuck Norris like language
 <dukeleto>  Chuck Norris has actually been using Perl 6 since 1987, and
             has been waiting for Larry to play catch-up. :)
  <rindolf>  dukeleto: LOL.
  <rindolf>  Perl 6 - Kicks ass like Chuck.
  <Su-Shee>  rakudo - chuck's choice ;)
  <Su-Shee>  well, camelia and chuck norris go well together. ;)
  <rindolf>  OK.
  <rindolf>  Of course everybody know Chuck Norris is a real programmer.
  <rindolf>  He designs machines by combining individual atoms.
  <rindolf>  Using his thought.
  <rindolf>  Atoms obey Chuck Norris.
  <Su-Shee>  rindolf: you obviously have been starved and deprived of
             super hero comics in your childhood :)

    -- What you could assume was true about Chuck Norris
    -- #perl6, Freenode
%
Give me ASCII or give me deaþ!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#give-me-ascii )
%
In the Technion, there are many ways to get from one place to the other, but
they are all the same length.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#technion-ways )
%
 <shlomif>  Hi Sjors the Awayer!
   <sjors>  Hi Shlomi the, uh
   <sjors>  Onliner! :P
 <shlomif>  I am not an Awayer!
 <shlomif>  I am a free man.
 <shlomif>  Onlinerer, heh.
 <shlomif>  Touche.
   <sjors>  ;)
   <sjors>  or is Awayer some kind of Hebrew word?
 <shlomif>  No, it's not.
 <shlomif>  It's pig-English for someone who is Away.
 <shlomif>  We don't have a "w" sound in modern Hebrew (replaced by "v"
            a-la-German) but most Israelis have no problems pronouncing
            it.
 <shlomif>  I have problems pronouncing th (maths) and dh (there).
 <shlomif>  Even though they did exist in Ancient Hebrew.
   <sjors>  many Dutch people have problems saying th too
   <sjors>  earth
   <sjors>  they say it eart
 <shlomif>  Ah.
   <sjors>  I tink
 <shlomif>  I say it ers
 <shlomif>  Heh.
 <shlomif>  You seem to be in a funny mood too.
   <sjors>  I tink you are dere
   <sjors>  hehe
 <shlomif>  How's school?
   <sjors>  I've been feeling great lately :)
 <shlomif>  But OTOH you're a funny guy, anyway.
 <shlomif>  I think Zuu from ##programming is the comedian king of
            Denmark.
   <sjors>  haha
 <shlomif>  J/K.
 <shlomif>  I know many Israelis who are funnier than me IRL.
 <shlomif>  Or maybe also online.
   <sjors>  I know many Dutch people funnier than me
 <shlomif>  Ah.
 <shlomif>  IRL?
   <sjors>  And online, I think
   <sjors>  Meh
   <sjors>  I've been playing openttd
   <sjors>  but those damn trains
   <sjors>  are SO STUBBORN
 <shlomif>  Well, no offence, but you're not the funniest person online.
   <sjors>  it's annoying me
 <shlomif>  I've known.
 <shlomif>  Sometimes trolls can be funny.
 <shlomif>  Larry Wall seems a bit less funny on IRC than on Usenet or
            E-mail.
 <shlomif>  But he's not always funny.
 <shlomif>  IRL, he's really funny.
 <shlomif>  He gives funny presentations.
   <sjors>  I don't have the place in ottd to *force* them to do the right
            thing, but they do stuff like making 90 degree corners,
            stopping three other trains in their tracks, just because it's
            like a millisecond shorter than the other route
 <shlomif>  Though I think they always get more serious towards the end.
   <sjors>  hm :)
 <shlomif>  Is it a commercial game?
   <sjors>  OpenTTD?
 <shlomif>  I once gave a lightning talk about Template Toolkit and people
            laughed at the same slide twice , because I gave it twice due
            to a presentation equipment.
 <shlomif>  Ah.
 <shlomif>  The Open says everything.
   <sjors>  yep :)
 <shlomif>  I once gave a lightning talk about Template Toolkit and people
            laughed at the same slide twice , because I gave it twice due
            to a presentation equipment SNAFU*.
 <shlomif>  Gotta love Ctrl+Up.
 <shlomif>  Gotta love Ctrl+Up.
 <shlomif>  I think we've been there, though.
   <sjors>  hehe
 <shlomif>  Old joke.
   <sjors>  Didn't know it
 <shlomif>  I told you about it a long time ago.
 <shlomif>  It was you I think.
 <shlomif>  And then we did a session of two messages in a row.
 <shlomif>  ETOOMUCHINFORMATION
 <shlomif>  ETOOLITTLEKNOWLEDGE
 <shlomif>  ETOOHARDTOREADACRONYMS
   <sjors>  ah
   <sjors>  :P
 <shlomif>  EPLEASEUSESOMESPACES
 <shlomif>  EIWISHWEWEREUSINGSEXPRS
   <sjors>  ENOSPACEBARDETECTED?
 <shlomif>  You know what S-exprsessions are, right?
 <shlomif>  Indeed. No space bar.
 <shlomif>  Gotta press alt+032
 <shlomif>  Or something.
   <sjors>  hmm
   <sjors>  I don't have a numeric keypad
 <shlomif>  Ah.
 <shlomif>  Mac O Sucks.
 <shlomif>  Mac O Sucky Computers.
 <shlomif>  No offence, I hope.
   <sjors>  MUCH OFFENSE TAKEN!
   <sjors>  Hands off my Mac! ;)
 <shlomif>  It's mine! All mine!
 <shlomif>  My precioussssssssssss.
 <shlomif>  I'll make a fortune out of this conversation, I think.

    -- Sjors the Awayer
    -- #sjors-and-rindolf, MSN Messnenger
%
 <whoppix>  Quick git question, perhaps someone knows the answer: I have a
            file in my git tree (locally and in the repository), but I
            want git to ignore the file completely, i.e. git is not to
            touch the file on the filesystem by updating it or merging
            local changes into the repostiroy
 <rindolf>  whoppix: you can use .gitignore
 <rindolf>  I think
 <whoppix>  rindolf, hmm, good idea, thanks.
 <whoppix>  that was slow.
 <whoppix>  rindolf, hm, I think git update-index --assume-unchanged is
            what I need.
 <whoppix>  .gitignore is only for untracked files
 <rindolf>  whoppix: OK, have no clue what that is.
 <rindolf>  Git is so complicated.
 <rindolf>  And so opaque
 <whoppix>  rindolf, me neither, but the doc tells me to use that.
 <rindolf>  whoppix: can you believe the docs?
 <rindolf>  The docs may be lying.
 <rindolf>  Don't trust the docs.
 <rindolf>  Don't trust anything.
 <rindolf>  You're all alone.
 <rindolf>  It's you against the machine.
 <rindolf>  When in doubt, use the source code.
 <rindolf>  Not some sissy documentation.
 <whoppix>  right
 <whoppix>  I'll have some of what you've been smoking
 <rindolf>  whoppix: I'm 100% clean.

    -- Reflections on trusting documentation
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
             -->  ruby_on_tails has joined #jquery
               *  rindolf removes ruby_on_tails off his tail and meows.
               *  ruby_on_tails throws his paws at rindolf and scratches
                  his face
       <rindolf>  Fight!
               *  rindolf hisses at ruby_on_tails
               *  rindolf curves his back.
               *  rindolf is not a cat, he thinks, so why does he says
                  that?
       <rindolf>  On the Internet, no one knows you're a cat.
               *  ruby_on_tails deep-scratches rindolf's ass
       <rindolf>  Is there a word for a female cat.
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: truce?
 <ruby_on_tails>  tiger b-)
 <ruby_on_tails>  B-)
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: all felines are friends.
       <rindolf>  Dogs or whatever.
       <rindolf>  We must be united against our common enemy.
               *  ruby_on_tails unites all breeds of cats against rindolf
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: I am not the cats' no. 1 enemy.
 <ruby_on_tails>  you are :P
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: heh.
 <ruby_on_tails>  lol
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: :-)
       <rindolf>  "Cats of the world - unite!"
 <ruby_on_tails>  they are already united
 <ruby_on_tails>  Andy-: ajax form submission
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails++ # Despite being a cat god in an awfully
                  bad mood.
 <ruby_on_tails>  :P
       <rindolf>  "Ceiling cat is watching you."
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: I totally dig the lolcat web-cartoons.
       <rindolf>  I derive a sick pleasure from them.
 <ruby_on_tails>  I just watch tom n jerry
       <rindolf>  Well, not really sick.
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: tom is kinda stupid.
       <rindolf>  He's the cat, right?
 <ruby_on_tails>  yea
 <ruby_on_tails>  but he's got determination till the end :>
       <rindolf>  There's also Rita and Runt (sp?) in Animaniacs.
       <rindolf>  Rita is a smart cat.

    -- Felines of the world - unite!
    -- #jquery, Freenode
%
English spelling aims to be consistent. Publicly and methodically.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#english-spelling )
%
 <shlomif>  BTW, have you read my stories yet?
   <Sjors>  I haven't
 <shlomif>  Ah.
 <shlomif>  "If you read my stories, I'll give you 1,000,000 virtual
            dollars."
   <Sjors>  Causing me to have a lot of extra virtual time!
 <shlomif>  And be virtually rich.
 <shlomif>  And then you can virtually bribe virtual politicians.
 <shlomif>  And buy a lot of virtual goods.
 <shlomif>  LOL.
   <Sjors>  Then, I'd be virtually happy
   <Sjors>  Too bad... :P
 <shlomif>  It's a virtual win-win situation.
 <shlomif>  You can hire many virtual programmers to write a lot of
            virtual code for KMess.
 <shlomif>  "My old virtual dad used to say to me: 'virtual money does not
            bring you virtual happiness, my virtual son.'"

    -- Virtual money.
    -- Shlomi Fish and Sjors, MSN
