I don’t believe in fairies. Oops! A fairy died.
I don’t believe in fairies. Oops! Another fairy died.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
The prefix “God Said” has the extraordinary logical property of converting any
statement that follows it into a true one.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
A Jewish Deduction

The Bible dictates that “Thou shalt not seethe [= cook] a kid [= young goat]
in his mother’s milk”. To avoid any possibility of breaking that regulation,
the Jewish tradition ruled that it also applies to female goats, to mature
goats, and to the meat and milk of two completely unrelated goats. It is also
forbidden to eat the meat with fresh milk, and it applies to beef and mutton
as well (including mixing the milk and meat of two different beasts). Finally,
chicken, which are incapable of milk production, may not be eaten along with
any mammal’s milk either.

We are fortunate that most mathematicians were not Jewish. Otherwise, it would
have been forbidden to divide by all numbers between -1 and 1.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
I used to be arrogant. Now I’m simply Perfect.

    -- One of Shlomi Fish’s Relatives
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
If the ancient Greeks had invented UNIX, Murphy’s Law would have been known as
Aristotle’s Law.

Had they invented MS-Windows, Murphy’s Law would have been known as the Law of
Socrates.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Microsoft’s slogan used to be “Microsoft - making it all make sense.”

Today it should be: “Microsoft - making everything make sense. Ours.”

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Linux - Because Software Problems Should not Cost Money.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Linux Slogan and Banner ( http://www.shlomifish.org/art/linux_banner/ )
%
The American Lottery - all you need is a dollar and a dream. We will take the
dollar, but you can keep the dream.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
“Shit Happens” according to the religions of the world (Deltas by Shlomi Fish)

Judaism: God knows you will do shit, does nothing to prevent it, but makes you
take the blame for it anyway.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
“Shit Happens” according to the religions of the world
(Deltas by Shlomi Fish)

Judaism: God is all the shit, all the non-shit and all the intermediate
demi-shits in between.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Let’s interpret the past according to the present and not the present
according to the past.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
<<<

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

>>>

— Edsger W. Dijkstra

<<<

Programming Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about stars.

>>>

— Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
[Discussing the shortage of IT workers as of 1998 on E-mail]

Shlomi Fish to Omer Zak: “Even the NSA doesn’t have enough programmers. But it
is not likely that they will have more, and that’s because /Summerschool at
the NSA/ may might as well be the name of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s next movie.”

Omer Zak to Shlomi Fish: “And as opposed to /I Know What You Did Last Summer/,
it is going to be scary.”

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Objective philosophy is like a pencil sharpener for one’s mind.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Oh! I wish you could see the look on his face! Actually, I would have also
liked to see the look on his face, but just then I woke up from the dream.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
Had I not been already insane, I would have long ago driven myself mad.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
“Aside from all that, I planned a political simulator that forecast the two
World Wars after I entered all the relevant data until the year 1000 AD.”

“Do you have a computer at home?”

“Oh, no! At present the program is written on a paper. Don’t ask how much time
it took me to fully eliminate all bugs out of it. But it was great fun!”

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
“Likewise.” Added the interviewer and said: “Your answers were also very…
unusual.”

“Although this description cannot testify on their quality, I take it as a
compliment.”

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
The government of the Supporter will finance your travel, and you will be able
to leave tomorrow morning. We would like to inform you of the following facts:
we cannot assure your safety during this travel. Furthermore, despite your
long service at the Organisation and your constructive proposal, we cannot
say, wholeheartedly or halfheartedly, that we wish to protect your safety.
Likewise, we cannot guarantee that we would not take actions that may harm
you, indirectly or in a direct manner.

We hope to see you here very soon.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
“Okay, I think that I can now return to my country and my village. By the way,
how many forbidden books do you have?”

“Oh,”, one of them said to me, “their number is growing geometrically. When I
checked two weeks ago, their number was 2,148,763. A week ago there were
4,278,109 forbidden writings. Now there must be about 8,600,000 ones.”

“You are wrong.”, I said to him.

“I beg your pardon?”

“There are now exactly 8,517,559 or 8,517,560 forbidden books.”

“Why is it so important?”

“Why, it means that, for the time being, you have 82,440 or 82,441 extra books
which you can read at bedtime if you can’t fall asleep!”

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
“And what is the nature of those activists: Socialists? Communists? Liberals?…
”

“Let’s say, for the sake of simplicity, that they are people of my intellect,
only that as opposed to me they are sane.”

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
A more experienced programmer does not make less bugs. He just realizes what
went wrong more quickly.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
BTW, for an editor with no replace feature (at least not on Windows 95), no
regular-expression search and replace, no indentation support, no
syntax-highlighting and no macros and scriptability features: MS Notepad is
one hell of an editor!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Wonderous are the ways of Microsoft ( http://www.shlomifish.org/wonderous.html )
%
Suggested Improvements to the Documentation:

The WYSIWYT project was for a long time fascinated by Microsoft’s tremendous
desire to advance its Internet Explorer web-browser. We saw the fact that they
switched the help systems of the upcoming Windows 98, as well as Microsoft
Visual C++ 5.0, to HTML a major step in advancing our project.

As a complementary step, some of the chief heads of our project suggested that
the Windows’ manuals themselves, as well as all of Microsoft’s ads, will be
designed in HTML and printed after being rendered by IE4. While this project
is in the preliminary and planning stages, we expect it to acquire a large
momentum soon.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- IRPWUG Announces Project “What you see is what you think” ( http://www.shlomifish.org/wysiwyt.html )
%
If: 1. A is A.
2. A is not not-A.
does it also imply that:
1. B is B.
2. B is not not-B.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
I know I’m blond, but I have to colour my hair brown, so people would not
think I’m stupid. Because, like the title of the book says: "You’ve only got
Three Seconds".

Actually, since Amazon sent us two books like that, you’ve only got six
seconds.

    -- One of Shlomi Fish’s Relatives
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Knuth is not God! It took him two days to build the Roman Empire.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/ )
%
Knuth is not God! God has already released TeX version 4.0.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/ )
%
>
> Shlomi,
>
> Have you ever considered taking a Turing test? ;-)
>

<sarcasm>
Sure I did. I sat at one point of an IRC channel, and someone
tested me. Eventually it was discovered that I am a computer, but it
turned out the other side was an Eliza program. Strangely enough, I could
not detect that the latter fact was true.
</sarcasm>

	Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2465

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Hackers-IL message No. 2465 ( http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2465 )
%
There is no IGLU Cabal! None of them could pass the Turing test. But strangely
enough a computer program they coded, could.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Hackers-IL message No. 2465 ( http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2465 )
%
Knuth is not God! Google is not God! RMS is not God!

God himself said that was the case.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/ )
%
<<<

Knuth is not God! Typing “God” into Google and pressing “I’m Feeling Lucky”
would not lead you to his homepage.

>>>

Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2084 ("The Great WWW-Wisdom Shootout")

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/ )
%
Knuth is not God! Unless you confuse him with Dijkstra.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/ )
%
(I am patenting issuing a TINIC with anything else but the phrase "There is no
IGLU Cabal!". The patent number is kept secret to avoid violating the
copyright of its text)

Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2021

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
C++ supports Object-Oriented Programming, roughly as much as COBOL supports
Functional Programming.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
I hope that if it had not been clear before, it isn’t less clear now.

    -- One of Shlomi Fish’s Technion Lecturers
%
Jack: Hi, Sophie!

Sophie: Don’t “Hi, Sophie!” me.

Jack: Don’t “Don’t ‘Hi, Sophie!’ me” me!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
My opinions may seem crazy, but they all make sense. Insane sense, but sense
nonetheless.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#opinions_crazy )
%
<<<

Shlomi, I’m considering naming a corollary of Godwyn’s law after you - any
discussion of anything is over when you mention Freecell Solver.

>>>

— Muli Ben-Yehuda on #kernelnewbies (irc.kernelnewbies.org)

<<<

Muli: BTW, I think that any discussion only begins to gain momentum when I
mention Freecell Solver.

>>>

— Shlomi Fish on #offtopic (irc.kernelnewbies.org)

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
There’s no point in keeping an idea to yourself since there’s a 10 to 1 chance
that somebody already has it and will share it before you.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Two apples a day will keep two doctors away.

    -- One of Shlomi Fish’s Relatives
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
“You are banished! You are banished! You are banished! Hey! I’m just kidding!”

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
[Discussing Foreign Languages Knowledge in the U.S.A]

Ben Collins-Sussman: Tis’ true, unlike Europe, the language doesn’t change
every 100 miles.

Shlomi Fish: And unlike England, the accent does not change every 10 miles.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
What happened to Christopher Michael Pilato?
Is he gone?
Is he gone for good?
Is he gone for better?
Is he gone for best?
Is he gone forever?
Will he return?
Who is Christopher Michael Pilato, anyway?

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Adapted from an IRC Monologue
%
> Can anyone draw a plan as to how to teach a computer to laugh? Say we
> define laugh as print "LOL", and define smile as print ":)". How would a
> computer know when to print any of those, and when to operate an Eliza
> program?

Judging by IRC or AOL, randomly would do just fine ;-)

	Muli Ben-Yehuda in Hackers-IL message No. 3513

    -- Muli Ben-Yehuda
    -- Hackers-IL message No. 3,153 ( http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/3513 )
%
In Philosophy, as much as in software engineering, you don’t get credit for
originality. What matters is the final product, not who came up with the idea
for each feature first.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#in_philosophy_as_in_soft_eng )
%
> Unfortunatly as other people have mentioned - the HURD is seriously
> lacking in developers, especially driver writers. Linux is to blame for
> most of that.

KImageShop is seriously lacking in developers, and the GIMP is to blame
for most of that.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Post to the Linux-IL Mailing List ( http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il@cs.huji.ac.il/msg31920.html )
%
He has a high degree of idealism, a high degree of stubbornness, and an even
higher degree of inability to distinguish between the two.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
> Thanks, applied as change #22936.

And thank you for applying this patch. But to be honest, I’m a little
disappointed. I expected it won’t go in so easily and will trigger some
discussion here. But there was none. No typo corrections (“you mis-spelled
‘floccinaucinihilipilification’”); no flames ("this patch is the worst thing
since non-sliced bread"). Nothing.

Someone should do something about it. This direction is not healthy for p5p.
Seriously.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Post to perl5-porters ( http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.perl5.porters/92352 )
%
 <rindolf>  Right now, I think I’ll go to sleep.
   <mitch>  nite rindolf
   <mitch>  sleep-fu well
 <rindolf>  mitch: night.
 <rindolf>  Bye all!
 <rindolf>  mitch: there are no PDB entries for me sleeping.
 <rindolf>  mitch: nor do I want any.
   <mitch>  haha
   <mitch>  (rindolf-sleep INTERACTIVE|NONINTERACTIVE)
 <rindolf>  mitch: heh
 <rindolf>  mitch: (plug-in-rindolf-sleep ...
   <mitch>  :)
   <Kevin>  (plug-in-rindolf-sleep 8 HOURS)

    -- Contemplating some potential procedural database functions
    -- #gimp, GimpNet
%
  <yacoob>  a quickie: are ‘adjustments layers’ planned to be implemented
            in gimp?
   <nomis>  yacoob: at some point in the future, yes.
  <yacoob>  nomis: dare to estimate how far this future is?
   <nomis>  yacoob: no.
 <rindolf>  yacoob: faster if you contribute.
         *  nomis waits for the "oh, I cannot program at all".
 <rindolf>  nomis: faster if he learns how to program, and then
            contributes.
   <nomis>  :)
  <yacoob>  rindolf: you wouldn’t like me to contribute, believe me ;)

    -- Faster, faster!
    -- #gimp, GimpNet
%
[Commenting in Slashdot after Arnold Schwarzenegger’s decision to use
open-source software in the California government:]

> This is obviously because Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are girly-men.

Yeah and what are the offerings of the open-source world? Let’s see:

1. Linus Torvalds - Looks like a dweeb, ergo is a dweeb. How girly is that?
(plus his wife can kick ass better than him) 2. Richard M. Stallman - a hippy.
How girly is that? 3. Eric S. Raymond - a nice looking man with a mustache.
Baby faced, so he looks a bit girly to me. 4. Larry Wall - a cross between
Linus and RMS (i.e: a hippy dweeb) that is even more girly.

So who do we have left? Alan Cox? OK, he’s manly. (huge man, huge facial hair,
etc.) And all the others are so neglible people don’t even know how they look
like.

Note: this comment may have been a bit cruel, so sorry. Don’t take it too
seriously, especially if you’re one of the guys I laughed about. I hold you
all with the greatest respect. Seriously.

Sincerily yours,
Shlomi Fish (who is a quite girly male himself).

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Slashdot Comment ( http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=117863&cid=9962843 )
%
If his programming is anything like his philosophising, he would find ten
imaginary bugs in the "Hello World" program.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Hacker sees bug. Hacker does not want bug. Hacker fixes bug.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Tcl is Lisp on drugs. Using strings instead of S-expressions for closures is
Evil with one of those gigantic E’s you can find at the beginning of chapters.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
*Linus Torvalds:* "95% of Programmers consider themselves in the top 5%".

*Shlomi Fish’s Corollary:* "95% of Programmers consider 95% of the code they
did not write, in the bottom 5%."

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
   <rindolf>  Linuxgrrl: well The Gilmore Girls is also a drama. Sort of a
              dramedie, but a serious one.
 <Linuxgrrl>  Meh.
 <Linuxgrrl>  Too girly for me.
   <rindolf>  Linuxgrrl: you are a girl.
   <rindolf>  Linuxgrrl: let me guess - you’re using Debian or Gentoo,
              right?
 <Linuxgrrl>  Gentoo.
   <rindolf>  Linuxgrrl: knew it.
   <rindolf>  Linuxgrrl: no self-respecting tomboy would use Mandrake.

    -- Too Girly
    -- #linuxchics, OFTC
%
C++ is complex, complexifying and complexified.

(With apologies to the Oxford English Dictionary).

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
   <rindolf>  I’m siicckk of blogging memes.
   <rindolf>  You are this file type.
   <rindolf>  You are that type of cloth.
 <jkauffman>  You are this member of the Friends show
   <rindolf>  jkauffman: LOL.
 <jkauffman>  "January 4th, 2005: Just took an online quiz and it turns
              out I’m a Joey type"

    -- Shlomi Fish (rindolf) and jkauffman
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
  <tyler->  rindolf: you are seriously the craziest fucker I know
  <tyler->  and I know some crazy ass people
  <mofino>  haha
 <rindolf>  tyler-: I am crazy. And proud of it.
  <tyler->  rindolf: you should be
  <mofino>  haha
  <mofino>  Ahh man
 <rindolf>  tyler-: being crazy is hard work. I worked all my life to
            becrazy.
  <mofino>  Normal people aren’t fun.
 <rindolf>  tyler-: "Craziness is not an action. It’s a process."
  <mofino>  heh
  <tyler->  rindolf: I see
 <rindolf>  You need to tend to your insanity.
 <rindolf>  tyler-: do you want to be crazy?
  <tyler->  rindolf: that’s why I feed my leprechaun at least once aday.
 <rindolf>  tyler-: I can teach you everything I know.

    -- Becoming Crazy
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
  <rindolf>  mofino: I have some money, and am living and am supported by
             my parents.
  <rindolf>  mofino: there’s much less of a taboo against living withone
             parents after school in Israel, than there is in the States.
   <mofino>  It’s not taboo
   <mofino>  It’s pathetic.
   <mofino>  Although, sometimes life sucks, and you have no choice.
 <q[ender]>  you know, it depends
 <q[ender]>  if you’re not married and / or not getting any, it doesn’t
             much matter if you live with your folks
   <mofino>  ender, usually when you have self-respect, you try and you
             know, make it on your own
  <rindolf>  q[ender]: are you married and not getting any? You could live
             with your parents.
 <q[ender]>  hahaha
   <mofino>  haha
 <q[ender]>  awesome
 <q[ender]>  rindolf++ # good burn!

    -- Living with your parents
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
:)-<
 +--

-- Moses the Smiley by Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Moses the Smiley ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#moses_the_smiley )
%
The first phrase that should be taught when teaching a new language is how to
say “Do you speak English?”.

The first thing that needs to be taught when teaching a new computer tool is
how to exit it.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
<<<

He who re-invents the wheel, will understand much better how a wheel works.

He who re-invents the wheel, may actually invent a much better wheel.

>>>

Shlomi Fish

<<<

He who re-invents the wheel will likely design a square wheel and spend a year
trying to figure out why it doesn’t work properly.

>>>

Nadav Har’El

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Sometimes you don’t need to be familiar with a better alternative to know that
something sucks. Take Microsoft Word for example.

    -- Shlomi Fish’s Friend
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
The difference between a good student and a bad student is that a bad student
forgets the material five minutes before the test, while a good student five
minutes afterwards.

    -- One of Shlomi Fish’s Technion Lecturer
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Real programmers don’t write workarounds. They tell their users to upgrade
their software.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Jewish Atheists are the only true Atheists. They beat the hell out of Goy
Atheists.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
    <rindolf>  ajs: perhaps Chuck Norris would be a useful addition to the
               Pugs and Parrot teams.
        <ajs>  rindolf: If Norris can write, give him a commit bit, and
               tie him to a keyboard ;)
 <FurnaceBoy>  I thought he already had commit
      <daxim>  Chuck Norris commits with a roundhouse kick into the SVN
               server’s head
            *  FurnaceBoy chuckles
        <ajs>  daxim: If you can get that to pass the test suite, then
               more power to you!
 <FurnaceBoy>  Chuck *is* the test suite
    <Kattana>  chuck norris does not code, when he sits at a computer, it
               just does whatever he wants.
    <rindolf>  Kattana: :-)
      <daxim>  ah, we’re easy to amuse
        <ajs>  Be the test suite, Chuck... BE the test suite.
 <FurnaceBoy>  you gotta pass ‘make chuck’

    -- Chuck Norris Perlsixifies at FreeNode’s #perl6 channel.
    -- #perl6, Freenode
%
“You know:”, the physicist said, “in my opinion since you left the
Organisation you acted without thinking a lot before you did things. I would
describe your behaviour as deriving from spontaneousness and fickle‐mindedness
that border rashness. Do you also think so?”

“Of course!” I replied, “Except for arrogance, rashness is my only defect!”

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
The current solution offered by Nvidia may be the second-best solution. But
this is one case where the second best solution is not good enough.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Nvidia Petition ( http://www.petitiononline.com/nvfoss/petition.html )
%
If it isn’t in my email, it doesn’t exist.

And if the whole world says one thing and my email says something different,
email will conquer.

-- an Israeli Linuxer.

    -- An Israeli Linuxer
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
  <rindolf>  Hi CSWookie
  <rindolf>  CSWookie: aren’t you also on Freenode?
 <CSWookie>  rindolf: What’s up.
 <CSWookie>  rindolf: I am.
  <rindolf>  CSWookie: I’m fine.
  <rindolf>  CSWookie: you are a Buffy fan right?
 <CSWookie>  rindolf: I am. Although really, more a Willow fan. Nothing
             hotter than red-headed Jewesses that are scared of boys.

    -- CSWookie on Willow
    -- #gimp, GimpNet
%
  <rindolf>  Hi all! How can I tell Flash in FF to play using artsd? It
             keeps trying to invoke esd. I’m on Mandriva 2007.
 <vexati0n>  the REAL question is, wtf is taking adobe so long with flash
             9 :@
 <vexati0n>  rindolf: you might have to set that with firefox’ settings.
 <vexati0n>  or, do what good people do and use opera.
 <vexati0n>  :P
          *  rindolf slaps vexati0n
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: I’m not using Opera. Period.
  <rindolf>  I don’t like it and it’s not FOSS.
 <vexati0n>  god, it’s like opera is anathema just cause people can’t look
             at it’s code or something.
 <vexati0n>  like YUO are going to tinker with your browser’s source code
             anyway
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: actually, I did that for Firefox.
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: I have a bug pending on bugzilla.mozilla.org.
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: nah, nah, nah, nah
 <vexati0n>  well, you wouldn’t have to do it with opera because it
             already works :P
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: I hate the fact that it resizes images.
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: it causes the images to be too large.
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: now tell me how do I fix that.
 <vexati0n>  opera resizes images? o.O
 <vexati0n>  do you have a page it screws up so i can look?
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: when I press Ctrl++ and Ctrl+-
 <vexati0n>  oh. you mean it doesn’t just increase the size of the text.
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: take http://www.shlomifish.org/art/ for example.
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: yes.

    -- When Closed-source bites
    -- ##linux, Freenode
%
The bad thing about hardware is that it sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t.
The good thing about software is that it’s consistent: it always does not
work, and it always does not work in exactly the same way.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
  <rindolf>  Kev: thanks.
  <rindolf>  Kev: did you post it on the French page?
      <Kev>  not yet
  <rindolf>  Kev: you need to create an account first. But it’s easy.
  <rindolf>  It’s a MediaWiki based wiki.
      <Kev>  arghhhhhhhhhhhh
  <rindolf>  Kev: what’s wrong?
 <jagerman>  Maybe MediaWiki wronged him in some way!
      <Kev>  wiki
 <jagerman>  Just be thankful it isn’t a blog!
  <rindolf>  Kev: what’s wrong with wikis?
  <rindolf>  And be extra thankful it’s not MySpace.
 <jagerman>  Mt. Allison [University] is now paying 5 students to maintain
             a "life as a Mt. A student" blog

    -- Welcome to Web 2.0
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
  <mofino>  Well I’m confused and I’m going home
  <mofino>  Later guys
  <mofino>  And girl.
  <mofino>  Young tender girl ...
  <mofino>  sweet 16 year old girl ....
    <avar>  haha
 <rindolf>  mofino: heh.
         *  mofino puts away his lynching pedo personality
  <mofino>  ;)
  <mofino>  lates
         *  ChanServ gives channel operator status to jagerman
       <--  jagerman has kicked mofino from #perlcafe (Leave already :P)
         *  jagerman removes channel operator status from jagerman
    <avar>  We have found pedobear and he is mofino
       -->  mofino has joined #perlcafe
  <mofino>  can you like not do that as I’m picking up my keys?
  <mofino>  you fagerman
 <rindolf>  fagerman, homofino, what’s next?
 <rindolf>  I know - q[tyler-]
 <rindolf>  OTOH, I’ve been called Slimy Fish lately.
    <avar>  rindolf: The *real* Slimy Fish?
 <rindolf>  avar: the one and only 100% original real actual and unmatched
            Slimy Fish<tm>!
 <rindolf>  I’m the real Slimy, yes I’m the real Slimy, if you’re the real
            Slimy and not just a Slimy. So will the real Slimy please
            stand up, please stand up...
         *  jagerman is ashamed for actually knowing those lyrics
    <avar>  sing it jew boy:)

    -- Unflattering Nicknames
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
  <rindolf>  CSWookie: tried Christian Ubuntu yet? ;-)
 <goldfish>  lol.
 <goldfish>  Oh dear, you weren’t joking.
  <rindolf>  goldfish: no, I was.
 <goldfish>  hah
 <goldfish>  "Ubuntu Christian Edition is a free, open source operating
             system geared towards Christians. It is based on the popular
             Ubuntu Linux. Ubuntu is a complete Linux-based operating
             system, freely available with both community and professional
             support."
    <moldy>  i might try it soon
    <moldy>  right now we are using plain dapper at my church
 <goldfish>  moldy: hah
    <moldy>  is this that funny? :p
 <goldfish>  :)
  <rindolf>  http://christianubuntu.blogspot.com/
    <moldy>  hehe
    <moldy>  For 40 days before Easter, Ubuntu Christian Edition works in
             text mode only.
    <moldy>  haha
 <goldfish>  That’s brilliant :)
  <rindolf>  There’s also a Jewbuntu blog, but it’s not as funny as this
             Christian Ubuntu blog.
    <moldy>  true
    <moldy>  That sounds about right -- Jesus might have preferred
             Jewbuntu since he was a Jew. Then again, Jesus was also a
             dedicated idealist, so he might have chosen Debian instead of
             Ubuntu. :-P
    <moldy>  hehehe
    <tpope>  why has ubuntu become the distro of puns?
    <moldy>  has it? there are puns for other distros, too
   <Strogg>  Jesus came from long long ago. I bet he runs debian stable.
             :)

    -- Ubuntu for Christians
    -- #vim, Freenode
%
On Sunday 01 April 2007, chromatic wrote:
> On Saturday 31 March 2007 15:26, Yuval Kogman wrote:
> > uses_version_control sounds more like lacks_manifest_skip_file which
> > should deduct kwalitee IMHO.
>
> Maybe so, but how else can CPANTS detect that you use the world’s most
> advanced version control system: CVS?
>

Are you kidding?

CVS is not advanced as:

1. Microsoft Visual SourceSafe - the only sane choice for good data integrity
and portability.

2. tarballs/zip-files and patches. This one excels in convenience, and
robustness.

CVS is a very advanced version control system, however. I do wish that
Subversion (which is a VCS that I have to use against my will) was as good as
it is.

    -- Shlomi Fish answering to chromatic on 01-April-2007

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- "Re: New CPANTS metrics" ( http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.qa/2007/03/msg8491.html )
%
* Larry Wall can understand the Perl code he wrote last year.

* Larry Wall gets the colon.

* There are at least 137 Larry Walls in the U.S. but only one that matters.

* Larry Wall applies a patch manually quicker than GNU patch.

* Larry Wall dreams in Perl.

* Larry Wall can program in his sleep.

* Larry Wall is lazy, impatient and full of hubris.

* Larry Wall has more dollars in the bank than in his Perl code.

-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts" ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Larry-Wall/ )
%
Electrical Engineering studies. In the Technion. Been there. Done that. Forgot
a lot. Remember too much.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Well, for the record, *I* am without faults, but i’ll mention them here
anyways:

1. i really hate scriptaculous

2. i kicked a dog the other day

3. i pushed an old lady aside, on my way to get a cup of free coffee

4. i secretly program in Python

5. i like to interject and make lists

    -- Jeff Anderson
    -- Post to London Perl Mongers ( http://london.pm.org/pipermail/london.pm/Week-of-Mon-20070402/007215.html )
%
I’m not an actor - I just play one on T.V.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
   <anonuser>  You know for when they finally decide to release that
               programatic abortion they call perl 6
    <rindolf>  anonuser: on Christmas.
    <rindolf>  anonuser: don’t know which one.
    <rindolf>  anonuser: you can download pugs and play with it.
   <anonuser>  rindolf, The running joke I have with friends is that Duke
               Nukem Forever (DNF) is being written in Perl6
    <rindolf>  anonuser: it’s an old joke.
   <anonuser>  rindolf, DNF and Perl6 together is an old joke?
    <rindolf>  anonuser: yeah.
    <rindolf>  anonuser: “Perl 6 is the language Duke Nukem Forever will
               be written in.”
    <rindolf>  Well, it’s not too old, but it’s a meme.
 <Aji-Dahaka>  rindolf: I’m the guy who’s going to port DNF from GNU/Hurd
               to FreeBSD

    -- Discussing Vapourware
    -- ##freebsd, Freenode
%
Trying to block Internet pornography is like climbing a waterfall and trying
to stay dry.

— Drew Dexter

    -- Drew Dexter
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
I’m not straight - I’m Israeli.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Hi Omer! Mazal Tov on Chen and yours marriage. It reminds me of a quote from
Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre:

"At this period she married, removed with her husband (a clergyman, an
excellent man, *almost worthy of such a wife*) to a distant county, and
consequently was lost to me."

Well, in your case I can say that both of you are almost worthy of each other.
Congrats again!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Comment on Omer Shapira’s Blog ( http://omerm.livejournal.com/36505.html?thread=43673#t43673 )
%
> You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it
> means.

It does not mean what I think it means, but it means what *you* think it
means.

<evil-laugh>Muahahahah…</evil-laugh>

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Post to Linux-elitists ( http://allium.zgp.org/pipermail/linux-elitists/2007-April/011935.html )
%
A few weeks ago, I’ve been to Freenode’s #perl, talking to merlyn and other
guys, when we got to discuss the Biblical "Tower of Babel Myth". As it turned
out, the commonly perceived interpretation was not the one most scholars find
as more sensible, which is the one we ended up being taught at Junior High
School.

What most people think is something like that:

<<<

The people spoke to each other in the same language, concentrated in one
place, and decided to build a tower high enough so they can reach God. God, a
small dwarf who lived in the sky, was afraid of the efforts of these people,
because he feared they’ll reach him. So he casted an 8th level Spell of
Language Fragmentation, caused these people to speak in different tongues, and
without being able to understand each other, they ended up spreading across
the Earth. God was relieved and returned to his dwarfish deeds, as dwarfs do.

>>>

Shlomi Fish in (Based on what his Bible teacher said)

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Blog Post ( http://shlomif.livejournal.com/11889.html )
%
   <CIA-1>  shlomif * r1712 gegl/ (ChangeLog docs/index-static.html.in):
   <CIA-1>  * docs/index-static.html.in: fixed "GEGLs" into "GEGL’s" and
            "GIMPs"
   <CIA-1>  into "GIMP’s" in the homepage.
   <mitch>  why is breaking the correct writing a fix?
   <mitch>  rindolf: ?
   <mitch>  rindolf: oh i misread :)
         *  rindolf gives some GEGLs and GIMPs to the mitches.
   <mitch>  haha :)
 <rindolf>  One GEGL each!
 <rindolf>  There’s not enough for everybody.
   <mitch>  GEGLS FOR THE MASSES
 <rindolf>  We should have an assembly line of GEGLs.
 <rindolf>  Mass-produce them for the ever-growing demand.

    -- One GEGL Per Child on GIMPNet’s #gimp channel
    -- #gimp, GimpNet
%
   <adeht>  rindolf: my brother had AIMA in hard-cover.. and maybe I can
            get a hold of PAIP
   <adeht>  s/had/has/;
         *  adeht yays for perl
 <rindolf>  adeht: what did perl do?
   <adeht>  <adeht> s/had/has/;
 <rindolf>  adeht: it’s actually from sed and ed before that.
   <adeht>  I know, but I’m using perl syntax :)
 <rindolf>  adeht: now write it in Lisp.
   <adeht>  heh.
   <adeht>  in Lisp you wouldn’t use a regex for this kind of dumb
            substitution.. though you could
   <adeht>  rindolf: a nice way of writing CL code is to imagine your
            dream language for expressing that particular problem, and
            then realizing it :)
 <rindolf>  You probably wouldn’t use a regex in Python either.
 <rindolf>  adeht: I see.
 <rindolf>  adeht: I’m not going to implement Perl in Common Lisp. :-D
   <adeht>  heh

    -- Dream Language in Freenode’s #lisp-il
    -- #lisp-il, Freenode
%
> This reminds me of Paul Graham’s articles, in which he claims that LISP
> programmers are better. But why is it so (whether or not you agree to
> the conclusion)? There are at least two opposite reasons: 1. Because
> programmers that learned LISP become better 2. Because good programmers
> prefer LISP when they come to know it.

No. 1 is true, naturally. No. 2 is not true - I know LISP but I prefer Perl.
Other like Python, etc. The reasons I don’t prefer LISP are:

1. The standards of Common LISP and Scheme don’t define anything practical.
2. LISP is at the moment incredibly verbose.
3. As Larry Wall noted, all LISP code comes in parenthesis and so it all looks
the same. (Perl is the exact opposite in this regard).
4. I cannot make heads nor tails of serious LISP code. Many LISPers create so
many macros and use them along with regular LISP code, so you keep having to
refer to the previous definitions, and make a lot of research to get you
started.

SICP Scheme is easy and fun. But serious LISP code can take too much time to
understand. OTOH, recently I had little problem reading the source code of
other Perl programmers, and extending it or fixing bugs. (likewise for
Python).

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Post to Linux-IL ( http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il%40cs.huji.ac.il/msg39629.html )
%
We don’t know his cellphone number, and even if we did, we would tell you that
we didn’t know it.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
plis tak mi auot from yuor mail list.

-- This Engrew sentence contains very few errors.

    -- Anonymous Israeli
    -- Message sent to Shlomi Fish
%
What do you mean by "WDYM"?

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Chen Shapira: spent 5 hours yesterday trying to get Windows to print on my new
wireless printer. It still doesn’t work. On Ubuntu it worked after few
minutes.

Shlomi Fish: Heh. Linux++ .

Chen Shapira: I’d do Windows-- , but this may result in an integer underflow.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
A few days ago I joined #mandriva on Freenode trying to get to the bottom of a
problem I have with KMail at work, where I cannot start KAddressBook from
inside it. I asked my question and soon afterwards received:

* One Thunderbird recommendation.

* Two Evolution recommendations.

* One Sylpheed Claws recommendation.

* One GMail recommendation.

The problem is that I wasn’t interested to learn about alternative E-mail
clients, and just wanted to get my problem solved. And in GMail’s case it was
completely out of the question due to my work’s constraints.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The "Use qmail instead" Syndrome ( http://www.shlomifish.org/philosophy/computers/web/use-qmail-instead/ )
%
I recently had to figure out how to do something with wget: get everything
below a directory on the web-server, without following links to outside it. So
I logged in to FreeNode’s #debian channel, where there are many knowledgeable
people to ask it. The first answer I got was "RTFM". So, I read the wget man
page, but could not find it there. Eventually, after telling people that it
would be faster to give an answer, I got a reply ( add the -np -r flags). But
this has been the last straw.

I composed my own acronym. Just like RTFM is "Read the Fabulous Manual" and
STFW is "Search the Fabulous Web", then JATFM is "Just Answer the Fabulous
Man". It means that it’s usually faster to answer someone’s question than to
ask him to RTFM, which is just going to annoy him. I think the RTFM mantra has
done a lot of damage in the UNIX/Linux world, and I hope JATFMing would prove
to be a more healthy ideology.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Advogato.org Journal Post ( http://www.advogato.org/person/shlomif/diary.html?start=215 )
%
*A:* I’m busy right now - I have to do TWAIN.

*B:* Do Shania Twain?

*C:* Oh, I’d love to do Shania Twain.

—Adapted from a conversation on Freenode’s #perl

    -- Freenode #perl Participants
    -- Adaptation of an IRC conversation
%
       -->  spx2 has joined #soc-help
    <spx2>  I want to FIGHT FOR PERL IN GSOC !
    <spx2>  I feel the power of metal in my veins
    <spx2>  perl is flowing in my blood !
    <spx2>  What perl Armies can I join this YEAR ?
    <ambs>  spx2: a lot :)
    <spx2>  ambs: Hail BRETHREN !
    <spx2>  where are the armies ???
    <spx2>  I want to ENGAGE and start preparing my weapons !
    <spx2>  ambs: what projects are this year ?
    <ambs>  spx2: ideas at
            http://www.perlfoundation.org/perl5/index.cgi?gsoc2008_projects
    <spx2>  I will fight this year in the PERL battle !
 <rindolf>  spx2: Python is for the WEAK and TIMID!
    <spx2>  rindolf: TOTALLY !
         *  spx2 examines the war grounds

    -- Fight for Perl
    -- #soc-help, MAGNet
%
> So, yeah… there are no gods, only heroes.  And anyone can become
> a hero.  And even heroes are just regular people.
>

I don’t suppose we should propose that as an alternative to Perl Gods, there
should at least be Perl Saints:

http://www.stallman.org/saint.html

Of course, I’m not sure what being a Perl saint would imply. Using nothing but
Perl? (Including not C in which perl 5 is written?)

Oh well.

Not that I mind the Perl Gods stereotype stuff.

Regards,

        Shlomi Fish (a Perl saint^W hero wannabe, but definitely
        not a Perl God)

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Post to to San-Fransisco Perl Mongers Mailing List ( http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001644.html )
%
> > > Of course, I’m not sure what being a Perl saint would imply.
> >
> >  It would imply having been killed for your faith in Perl.
>
> Does that make Randal the Spanish Inquisition?

No one expects the Randal Schwartz condition ;)

    -- Shlomi Fish, frosty, Duane Obrien and David Fetter in:
    --http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001650.html

    -- Shlomi Fish, frosty, Duane Obrien and David Fetter
    -- San-Fransisco Perl Mongers Thread ( http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001650.html )
%
>  > > > Of course, I’m not sure what being a Perl saint would imply.
>  > >
>  > >  It would imply having been killed for your faith in Perl.
>  >
>  > Does that make Randal the Spanish Inquisition?
>
>  No one expects the Randal Schwartz condition ;)

I almost feel honor bound now to start a noise band called The Randal
Schwartz Condition.  I could shout his rants into a microphone while
the rest of the band flogged a newbie live on stage.

    -- Duane Obrien in:
    -- http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001651.html

    -- Duane Obrien
    -- San-Fransisco Perl Mongers Thread ( http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001651.html )
%
>>>>> "Duane" == Duane Obrien <duane.obrien at gmail.com> writes:

Duane> Alternately, The Randal Schwartz Condition is now accepting bookings
Duane> for birthdays, weddings, religious ceremonies of any kind, or occasions
Duane> where your consulting company throws a big party at some conference.
Duane> Email me off-list for details on how to get advance copies of our demo
Duane> "I’m The Real Tim Toady"

I’m already thinking of words to the "tune" of "I’m the real Slim Shady".

Damn you. :)

    -- Duane Obrien and Randal L. Schwartz
    -- http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001655.html

    -- Duane Obrien and Randal L. Schwartz
    -- San-Fransisco Perl Mongers Thread ( http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001655.html )
%
> > In that case, lacking good links or a definitive reference text, I’ll have
> > to ignore your comment earlier.
> >
> > I hope it’s not much of a flamewar so far, but it sure seems to have
> > escalated into a minor one. "You are a Nazi!"
> > ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin’s_law ) - oops!
>
> Please.  The Nazi’s were socialists.  I’m a little to the right of
> Attila the Hun.
>

And I thought Attila was a Humanitarian.

    -- Shlomi Fish, Guy Hulbert and Shlomi Fish in:
    -- http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.module-authors/2008/04/msg6432.html

    -- Shlomi Fish and Guy Hulbert
    -- Post to the Perl module-authors mailing list ( http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.module-authors/2008/04/msg6432.html )
%
I often wonder why I hang out with so many people who are so pedantic. And
then I remember - because they are so pedantic.

— an Israeli Perl Monger

    -- Israeli Perl Monger
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
  <rindolf>  p13: do you write scripts?
      <p13>  rindolf, init scripts and sys maintenance scripts in csh sh
             and bash
      <p13>  but i suck
      <p13>  haha
      <p13>  i made them SO unreadable on purpose too
      <p13>  my var names for example
      <p13>  i would use random quotes from coworkers
      <p13>  like "wereoutofcoffee"
      <p13>  or "ihatemyjob"
      <p13>  etc etc
 <trashguy>  i hate people lik eyou p13
      <p13>  trashguy, hahaha
 <trashguy>  atleast the variabls are obvious and not mistaken for
             functions and shit
 <elgrande>  i stringly recommend to call variables only: var1, var2, var3
             ... var999
 <elgrande>  but for purpose of clarity, after var999 continue with varB1,
             varB2,...
  <rindolf>  elgrande: <elgrande> i stringly recommend to call variables
             only: var1, var2, var3 ... var999 - excellent advice.
  <rindolf>  elgrande: LOL.
 <elgrande>  rindolf: and of course: cls1, func1, meth1, if1
 <elgrande>  so if var3 > var2 then var1 = cls3->meth2 endif
  <rindolf>  elgrande: heh.
  <rindolf>  obj997
 <elgrande>  everyone is understand this!
  <rindolf>  elgrande: I'll probably make a fortune cookie out of it.
 <elgrande>  obj997 bevahes like this, because it implements if371
 <elgrande>  ^^
  <rindolf>  elgrande: you're still going.

    -- Variable Naming
    -- #not-##freebsd, Freenode
%
<monty-python>

A: You Linux kids are so lucky. When we were using Windows 95 and Windows 3.11
it kept getting stuck and we lost all our data. We had to reboot it.

B: You used Windows 95! Lucky Bastard! When I was your age, we used DOS on CGA
screens, and we were lucky if we had 4 colors, much less a true windowing
environment.

C: You had DOS with graphics? Lucky bastard! When I was your age, I used
VT-100 terminals connected to a VAX. 128 characters should be enough for
everybody?

D: Visual Terminals? When I was your age, we used teletypes on a PDP-11: the
computer printed on paper - very slowly. Can you imagine cat’ing a really long
document?

E: Teletypes were heaven compared to the punch cards that I was using. Imagine
going over to the computer with a large amount of punch cards and then
dropping them all.

F: Punch cards! What is this talk about punch cards? We input machine code
directly using buttons and LEDs.

G: And all *we* had were NAND gates!

</monty-python>

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Email Message
%
     <rindolf>  Hi all.
 <scorchsaber>  <all> Hi rindolf
     <rindolf>  scorchsaber: heh.
     <rindolf>  scorchsaber++
     <rindolf>  Or in Python:
     <rindolf>  scorchsaber+=1
       <rillo>  ??
     <rindolf>  rillo: Python does not have a ++ operator.
 <scorchsaber>  rindolf: Oh, but it does have a + operator.
       <rillo>  ah. i'm new to python so i diddnt know
 <scorchsaber>  A few days ago, it was suggested that I implement ++ using
                the + operator.
 <scorchsaber>  And I did so. :)
 <scorchsaber>  So, really, a++; is valid in Python, and it may even
                increment a by one. If somebody was crazy, anyhow, and if
                a was mutable.
       <rillo>  shall i move back to perl to get the ++
       <rillo>  ?
     <rindolf>  rillo: no, use COBOL instead.
     <rindolf>  ADD 1 TO COBOL GIVING COBOL
       <verte>  :(
       <verte>  eww, magic numbers!
     <rindolf>  "COBOL is the old Java"
       <verte>  ADD ONE TO COBOL GIVING COBOL
     <rindolf>  verte: heh.
     <rindolf>  verte: 1 is not a magic number.
     <rindolf>  ASSIGN 1 to ONE
     <rindolf>  0, 1, infinity.
     <rindolf>  verte: LOL.
     <rindolf>  verte++
   <\amethyst>  COMPUTE COBOL = COBOL + 1

    -- On Incrementing
    -- #python, Freenode
%
I met a guy in the bar, talked to her and she gave me her phone number.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#met_a_guy_in_the_bar )
%
   <rindolf>  TimToady: so BASIC was your first language?
  <TimToady>  no, English was my first language. :)
   <rindolf>  TimToady: I started with XT ROM BASIC, but I suppose it was
              something like Perl 5 was to Perl 4 for your BASIC.
   <rindolf>  BASIC has greatly evolved since Dartmouth BASIC.
   <rindolf>  TimToady: ah.
   <rindolf>  TimToady: not Chomsky's Universal language?
  <TimToady>  feh
 <diakopter>  rindolf: what's the name of the Parrot implementation of
              Intercal?
     <Juerd>  21:04 <@TimToady> we have a test suite right now because of
              pugs
     <Juerd>  Very, very important.
   <rindolf>  diakopter: I don't know.
   <rindolf>  Juerd: yes, very.
   <rindolf>  Juerd: anyway, I expect that at every given time all tests
              will pass.
     <Juerd>  Well, there are probably bad tests too :)
     <Juerd>  Given the volume of the suite, and that pugs has never been
              able to even parse everything :0
     <Juerd>  :)
  <TimToady>  testrot accounts for many of those :)
   <rindolf>  TimToady: testrot...
   <rindolf>  TimToady++
   <rindolf>  How long does it take Pugs to run the entire Pugs test
              suite?
  <TimToady>  but a number of them were misunderstandings at the time
   <rindolf>  Because Pugs is kinda slow.
 <diakopter>  defudge should be renamed Passover...
  <TimToady>  used to run on my old laptop in about 25 minutes
   <rindolf>  TimToady: or cute bugs.
   <rindolf>  I mean implementation details.
   <rindolf>  TimToady: kinda long.
  <TimToady>  audreyt's dual core used to run them in 10 minutes
  <TimToady>  I haven't tried on my new laptop, since I haven't installed
              the lates ghc yet
  <TimToady>  first make it run, then make it run right, then make it run
              fast
   <rindolf>  TimToady: another problem with Pugs is that it kept
              requiring the latest ghc.
     <Juerd>  Did pugs drive GHC development perhaps? :D
  <TimToady>  shrug, you shouldn't pick on a software project when it's
              down
  <TimToady>  Juerd: yes, I believe some of that happened too
   <rindolf>  TimToady: "After Death - say holy."
   <rindolf>  TimToady: it's a Hebrew phrase.
  <TimToady>  Actually, I'm just about out of After Death--I've got a
              bottle of Mega Death now too.
  <TimToady>  just had some on my potatoes, yum.
  <spinclad>  sounds hot
  <TimToady>  of the first six ingredients, five of them are hot. Red
              habanero pods, cayenne chilies, white vinegar, natural
              pepper flavor, ancho chilies, chipotle chilies, molasses,
              guava nectar, fresh ginger, salt, spices.
  <TimToady>  'bout 550,000 scovilles
  <TimToady>  After Death is only about 500k
  <TimToady>  Tabasco is only about 35k
  <spinclad>  tabasco i'm calibrated on -- now i can (only) imagine
  <TimToady>  so roughly 15 times hotter
  <spinclad>  'add 1/15 drop per 100 potatoes'
  <TimToady>  I generally only use it about one "plop" at a time
  <TimToady>  unless I really want a large endorphin kick
   <rindolf>  TimToady: LOL.
  <spinclad>  enjoy yr clear sinuses
   <rindolf>  TimToady+=5
   <rindolf>  "After Death"
   <rindolf>  Reminds me of that screensaver.
   <rindolf>  "After Hours"
     <vixey>  After Dark
     <vixey>  with the flying toasters?
   <rindolf>  vixey: yes, that's the one.
   <rindolf>  Also had a nice Looney Tunes one.
   <rindolf>  "I now proclaim this computer in the name of Mars!"
   <rindolf>  (Marvin the Martian)++
     <vixey>  they were cool
   <rindolf>  I recall something about wine being able to run Windows
              screensavers.
  <spinclad>  "where's the kaboom? there was meant to be a case-shattering
              kaboom."
   <rindolf>  XScreenSaver is a pre-Autoconf hell from what I understood.

    -- BASIC, Pugs and "After Death"
    -- #perl6, Freenode
%
Two female dogs talking about modern-life:

*Jasmine:* It’s so cool! On the Internet, no one knows you’re a dog!

*Daisy:* Yeah, but everyone can tell right away that you’re a bitch!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#on_the_Internet )
%
  <pmurias>  rindolf: what is Park/Spark?
  <rindolf>  pmurias:
             http://www.shlomifish.org/open-source/projects/Park-Lisp/
  <rindolf>  pmurias: it's still incomplete.
  <rindolf>  And I haven't updated it.
  <pmurias>  rindolf: if you like lisp/perl6 projects you might consider
             helping with a common lisp elf backend
  <rindolf>  pmurias: Common Lisp.
  <rindolf>  pmurias: thing is I think both CL and Scheme suck.
  <rindolf>  I like Lisp as a concept.
  <rindolf>  Arc is nice, but has too many implementation problems.
  <rindolf>  And missing features.
    <vixey>  Arc is not nice
  <rindolf>  I want to give a presentation to the Perl Mongers about
             "Foreign Languages: Lisp"
  <rindolf>  vixey: I like it.
  <rindolf>  Though I hate that "(not)" has become "(no)"
  <rindolf>  it's so non-English.
    <vixey>  it's just TCL with horrible syntax
  <rindolf>  vixey: but it's missing a lot of exciting features.
  <rindolf>  Which PG deemed as unnecessary.
  <rindolf>  Doesn't look like the 100-years language to me.
  <rindolf>  Which is why - Spark!
  <pmurias>  why not just write an s-expression p6 dialect?
  <rindolf>  pmurias: could be.
  <rindolf>  pmurias: it's another approach.
  <rindolf>  But some things make sense in Lisp and not in p6.
  <rindolf>  For example, Perl does not like to use + for string or list
             concat.
  <rindolf>  While Python does and it seems to be OK in Arc too.
  <rindolf>  And in CL you have (concatenate) (yuck!).
  <pbuetow>  (((hehe)))
  <pmurias>  + for strings sucks
    <Auzon>  seconded.
    <vixey>  rindolf: If you don't like CONCATENATE you can just rename it
  <rindolf>  vixey: yeah.
  <rindolf>  vixey: but I'd rather not rename concatenate because then
             people won't understand my code.
  <rindolf>  vixey: as TimToady said people hate abstractions.
    <vixey>  yes they will rindolf
  <rindolf>  They want things to work out of the box.
    <vixey>  A program is many many totally newly defined procedures
    <vixey>  just renaming one thing is nothing in the context of a big
             program
  <rindolf>  vixey: "let's spend 3 days creating a new language, and 1 day
             implementing the solution with it."
 <TimToady>  if it would take 10 days without the new language, it's worth
             it
  <rindolf>  TimToady: yeah.
  <rindolf>  TimToady: but this is the CL mentality.
    <vixey>  no it's not
  <rindolf>  Sometimes you can take 1 day to write an API.
    <vixey>  CL is too diverse you cannot generalize like that
  <rindolf>  vixey: I meant a common idiom there.
  <rindolf>  I think I'll /quit and do something productive.
  <rindolf>  Like work on Spark.
    <vixey>  another quote:
    <vixey>  how to write any computer program in two easy stages:
    <vixey>  Design and implement the programming language which would be
             best for solving the problem.
    <vixey>  Write the program in the language you’ve just implemented.
  <rindolf>  vixey: or just use Perl which is the best for everything.
    <vixey>  heh
 <TimToady>  the second step is obvious--the best language for the job is
             one that does the job on a null input
          *  pmichaud notes that vixey's algorithm is somewhat recursive
 <TimToady>  "All rules of thumb are false, including this one."
  <pmurias>  rindolf: when you feel like writing Common Lisp backends,
             contact me or mncharity ;)

    -- Lisp Dialects (Scheme, Common Lisp, Arc, Spark) Mentality and Usability
    -- #perl6, Freenode
%
<<<

[Discussing the shortage of IT workers as of 1998 on E-mail]

Shlomi Fish to Omer Zak: "Even the NSA doesn’t have enough programmers. But it
is not likely that they will have more and that’s because ‘Summerschool at the
NSA’ may might as well be the name of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s next movie."

Omer Zak to Shlomi Fish: "And as opposed to ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer’
it is going to be scary."

>>>

*Kilmo:* why would you like to make fun of the crypto world ? ;) The NSA does
know what you did last summer. And by putting this on the web, they know that
you know.

Which may lead to interesting philosophical issues. BTW, in a conference I was
attending we were given a sticker saying: "NSA - free email backup".

They still have some issue with the retrieval procedures, but besides of that
- they are quite a trusted service.

*Shlomi Fish:* In my case, I think every random joe can learn a lot about me.
Even if he’s not in Google or the NSA or whatever.

*Kilmo:* Yep. but this is a world-wide service that they offer. (Along with
several cooperations, like MI5/6).

    -- Shlomi Fish and Kilmo
    -- Aphorisms Collection
%
*Ran Eilam To Shlomi Fish:* so what are you working on? Working on a new wiki
about unit testing fortunes in freecell?

    -- Ran Eilam
    -- Jabber Conversation
%
Well, despite the fact that I hardly publicised my last essay about the
"Closed Books", it has been chromatic’d. Rumours are that all the bloggers
whose blog posts/essays were deprecated on chromatic’s blog are now rich,
famous and the object of the affection of many attractive members of the
appropriate sex. *Memo to self:* prepare a limited edition T-shirt: "My blog
post was chromatic’d. I pwn you as a blogger."

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- "Dealing with Approval Addiction (and Implied Stress Periods) ( http://use.perl.org/~Shlomi+Fish/journal/36812 )
%
Richard M. Stallman (RMS) decides to release his brand-new editor, "Emacs" on
the CPAN with its first version 29.999.99. In order to package it, he invokes
the trusty ol’ module-starter (see
http://search.cpan.org/dist/Module-Starter/) which creates a skeleton of a
CPAN distribution for him.

He fills in the skeleton with the actual code of Emacs, types "perl Build.PL",
and "./Build test" and makes sure all the tests pass. Then he types "./Build
config --gui" and gets a nice GUI to configure the various parameters of the
Module meta-data.[M-B-Data]

In the GUI, Richard goes to the Trove categorisation tab, and selects
categories. This is done in a similar way to Freshmeat’s project
categorisation dialog (a list of options to the left, with selected options to
the right and arrows to move them left or right, while allowing multiple
select options.). He chooses such categories as "Programming Language ::
Lisp", and "Intended Audience :: Emacs Users", "Operating System :: GNU", and
"Topic :: Editors". (Note: I believe the category list should be fetched using
a public web-service to keep them up-to-date.)

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Functional Spec for the CPAN Classification Proposal ( https://bitbucket.org/shlomif/cpan-module-classification/src/534271da741d/docs/functional-spec-for-CPAN-Classification-Proposal.txt )
%
After several weeks of having the editor on CPAN, Richard has received many
patches, and wrote a lot of code on his own. Now Emacs is not only an editor
but a calendar tool, an Eliza program, a web browser, a mail user agent and
many other things.

So in order to release version 30.000.00 he needs to update the
categorisation. He runs ./Build config --gui again, and adds more categories.
However, he enters too many categories (because Emacs now does them all), and
the GUI refuses to save the file because it will overflow the limit that the
web-service specified the CPAN classification services allow to handle. So
Richard keeps only the important categories, adds more tags, and saves it.

He then tests the distribution again, and uploads the new distribution to the
CPAN.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Functional Spec for the CPAN Classification Proposal ( https://bitbucket.org/shlomif/cpan-module-classification/src/534271da741d/docs/functional-spec-for-CPAN-Classification-Proposal.txt )
%
Bill Gates, CEO of Microsoft decides to use Richard Stallman’s Emacs as the
basis of his company’s state-of-the-art product Microsoft Editing Macros™
Enterprise Edition XP .NET Professional. However since MS Editing Macros™ is a
commercial, proprietary program which he intends to sell at computer stores,
Bill is not going to upload it to the CPAN. He builds upon Emacs, sends
patches to Richard and learns a lot about it.

When he’s finished building Microsoft Editing Macros™ he surfs to the Emacs
homepage on CPAN, and adds some categories and tags of his own.

Eventually, enough people like Bill tag and categorise Emacs, and it gains
more classification.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Functional Spec for the CPAN Classification Proposal ( https://bitbucket.org/shlomif/cpan-module-classification/src/534271da741d/docs/functional-spec-for-CPAN-Classification-Proposal.txt )
%
   <rindolf>  "Who's the idiot that wrote this code?"
   <rindolf>  That's what many people say when looking at their old code.
 <jkauffman>  "I can't believe I used to listen to this crap"
 <jkauffman>  that's what people say when they look back at their old
              music collection
   <rindolf>  jkauffman: I don't usually.
   <rindolf>  jkauffman: I am however, a bit ashamed of some of the shows
              I liked when I was younger.
   <rindolf>  jkauffman: they seem a bit cheesy now.
 <jkauffman>  yes, you're onto such better things now that you can fully
              appreciate the gilmore girls
   <rindolf>  jkauffman: you can never really appreciate The Gilmore Girls
              until you've watched it in the original Klingon.

    -- Looking Back at Your Old Habits
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
 <rindolf>  cl0ud: what's up?
   <cl0ud>  rindolf: just getting ready for work on this drizzly day
   <cl0ud>  rindolf: and feeling great
   <cl0ud>  rindolf: you?
 <rindolf>  cl0ud: sending an email to the Extreme Programming mailing
            list.
      <ik>  xtreme
      <ik>  rindolf: tell them that in order to be truly extreme, they
            need to ditch their pair-programming buddy system and start
            programming with spent ammunition and unexploded shells
 <rindolf>  ik: heh.
 <rindolf>  Extremist Programming
      <ik>  haha
 <rindolf>  Ik-stremist Programming.
      <ik>  :o
   <ispy_>  What about Psycho Coding?
   <ispy_>  :)
   <ispy_>  PSYCoder <--- cool name for an editor :)
   <cl0ud>  Psychaudit <- memory tester
 <rindolf>  Neuraudit
   <ispy_>  Hahah

    -- Really Extreme Programming
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
*Larry:* final exams are on Tuesday and through Friday, so you won’t see me
for a while, or if you do - then you should shoot me.

*Shlomi:* I Will shoot you with my cross-intertubes-laser-gun.

*Larry:* HAHAHA.

*Shlomi:* Which I don’t have.

*Larry:* Which network topology will you implement, for better accuracy ?

*Shlomi:* I’ll just depend on the standard TCP/IP routing. Overlay the laser
on top of the TCP packets.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- IM Chat with Larry
%
God gave us two eyes and ten fingers so we will type five times as much as we
read.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#God_gave_us_two_eyes )
%
Only wimps complain about bad code. Real men clean it up.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#only_wimps_complain_about_bad_code )
%
Wikipedia has a page about everything including the
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitchen_sink .

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#wikipedia_has )
%
*shlomif:* hack, hack, hack ; save ; make ; make test; commit. And start over.

*mrjink:*hack, hack, hack; save; make; swear; fix typos; save; make; make
test; swear some more; hack some more; save; make; make test; cheer; commit.

*meep:* hack, make, test, segfault, oh noes, revert to previous revision

    -- Shlomi Fish and Others
    -- On Plurk. ( http://www.plurk.com/p/r9fq1 )
%
Well, it’s not a threat - it’s a warning, and he won’t be harmed much by
acting against my advice. A threat is something like "Stop posting political
posts or I will burn your house, rape your wife and daughters, banish you to
the middle of Antarctica, convert all your Perl code to PHP, and then post it
on thedailywtf.com."

Regarding what you say that "no one cares if you unsubscribe", then this
reminds me of what Fred Brooks says in "The Mythical Man-Month": "How does a
project becomes late? One day at a time.". If you’re not careful, you might
lose a large percent of your blog’s readership, one subscriber at a time.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- use.perl.org comment ( http://use.perl.org/comments.pl?sid=42958&cid=68560 )
%
 <metaperl_work>  thank you
 <metaperl_work>  nothingmuch, i want to chat with you on kiokudb
       <rindolf>  Hi metaperl_work
      <confound>  you should chat with him on #kiokudb then
           <mst>  metaperl_work: you mean "about kiokudb"
 <metaperl_work>  rindolf, hi! long time no see
       <rindolf>  metaperl_work: yes.
 <metaperl_work>  we are talking in #kiokudb confound
       <rindolf>  metaperl_work: what have you been up to?
      <confound>  no, this is #moose!
 <metaperl_work>  confound, "we" = me and yuval
 <metaperl_work>  rindolf, well.... keeping Seamstress up to date
       <rindolf>  metaperl_work: yuval and I.
       <jhannah>  In related news: i'm chatting on my mobile phone
 <metaperl_work>  Moose is saving my life... SUPER handy
 <metaperl_work>  jhannah, what type of mobile phone?
       <rindolf>  metaperl_work: what is Seamstress?
          <purl>  Seamstress is really nothing anyway
      <confound>  it's on cpan
       <jhannah>  metaperl_work: please take that question to
                  #jhannah_phones
           <mst>  jhannah++
        <stevan>  jhannah: which network, there doesnt seem to be anyone
                  there
   <nothingmuch>  i think buffy might be a closet lesbian
               *  stevan HAS TO KNOW!!!!
        <stevan>  nothingmuch: duh
   <nothingmuch>  stevan: i think you kinda missed the joke =P
        <stevan>  take that to #closet-lesbian-vampire-slayers
       <jhannah>  i get jokes
       <rindolf>  stevan: LOL. stevan++
         <dhoss>  jhannah++
       <jhannah>  stevan: i have hundreds of invisible groupies in dozens
                  of #jhannah_* channels. they are well trained to be
                  quiet when interlopers lope in

    -- Take that to a different channel
    -- #moose, MAGNet
%
  <rindolf>  uwd: what's up?
  <rindolf>  BTW, how has English become the official language of
             Singapore?
  <Altreus>  Viral marketing
      <uwd>  singapore has four official languages.
      <uwd>  one national one.
      <uwd>  also, politics.
      <uwd>  also, see wikipedia.
  <Altreus>  it knows all
  <Altreus>  [citation needed]
       <ik>  rindolf: it's a byproduct of the Richard Nixon / Henry Ford's
             campaign for chief taxonomist of western Nepal
  <rindolf>  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Languages_of_Singapore
       <ik>  (a coveted position)
  <Altreus>  taxonomist!
  <rindolf>  Wikpedia has an article about everything including the
             http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitchen_sink
  <Altreus>  They are in charge of taxis!
  <Altreus>  disambiguation pages make me sad :(
       <ik>  I like the disambiguity!
  <rindolf>  ik: heh
      <uwd>  i like disambiguation pages. they say "this thing you seek...
             it is not only one thing, you see? no, no, mon ami, this
             world, she is too big to contain only one of everything, eh?"
  <Altreus>  :D you talk like dee
      <uwd>  what.
  <Altreus>  wat
  <Altreus>  That message you said in French could have been typed by dee!
  <Altreus>  except it was you.
  <Altreus>  you doubleyou dee
      <uwd>  it was in English, actually.
  <Altreus>  okay
  <Altreus>  But it had some French in it
  <Altreus>  !
       <ik>  Two words! Four, if you count "no". Twice.
  <rindolf>  Yes, it sounded French to me too.
  <Altreus>  no is not french
  <rindolf>  non is.
  <Altreus>  oui!
  <Altreus>  elle n'a pas dit non
  <rindolf>  In any case saying "She" of the world is also a Frenchism.
  <rindolf>  Je ne sais pas.
       <ik>  But it's not french
  <rindolf>  Parlez vous anglais?
      <uwd>  it is also a generic Euroism.
  <Altreus>  oui
  <Altreus>  England is Europe too :(
      <uwd>  so not that French.
 <pkrumins>  Je m'appelle Pierre
  <rindolf>  pkrumins: heh.
 <pkrumins>  Je suis 24 ans!
  <Altreus>  Gods, the number of times I got contradicted at school for
             knowing that England was in Europe
 <pkrumins>  Je h'abite Riga
      <uwd>  Altreus: dude, given that was mostly English, i don't see why
             the sadface.
  <rindolf>  Tu s'appelle Peteris
  <Altreus>  it's no wonder stupid people make me violent
 <pkrumins>  Je'abite
  <rindolf>  pkrumins: not en Riga?
 <pkrumins>  maybe
  <rindolf>  or de Riga?
  <Altreus>  uwd: hmm
  <rindolf>  J'abite, non?
  <Altreus>  I seem to sadface a lot more than is necessary due to how I'm
             never actually sad
 <pkrumins>  Oui.
  <Altreus>  rindolf: habite
 <pkrumins>  Je monger a macdo.
  <Altreus>  il y a un h
 <pkrumins>  Je travailler on ordinator
 <pkrumins>  a programmator.
 <pkrumins>  Oui.
  <Altreus>  en!
  <Altreus>  probably au tbh
  <Altreus>  but a l' because vowel
      <uwd>  l'ordinator?
  <Altreus>  And travaille is the first-person present participle
  <Altreus>  And -eur
  <Altreus>  But mostly right!
      <uwd>  why -eur?
          *  Altreus pats pkrumins on the back
  <Altreus>  ordinateur
 <pkrumins>  tehe.
 <pkrumins>  jadone chats
  <Altreus>  I wonder if a pink one is an ordinateuse
 <pkrumins>  (or was it chiens)
      <uwd>  it's so much easier to say she and mon ami and have people
             think it's french than actually speak french...
 <pkrumins>  i think chats
 <pkrumins>  j'adore chats
 <pkrumins>  jaim a perl chat
  <Shiyiya>  jain n'est pas un mot
  <Shiyiya>  *jaim
  <Altreus>  j'aime
  <Shiyiya>  aussi jadone n'est pas un mot
 <pkrumins>  hmm
 <pkrumins>  pawings
 <pkrumins>  all i can say
  <rindolf>  pkrumins: chien is a dog.
  <rindolf>  I think.
  <Shiyiya>  Ues, chien is dog
  <Shiyiya>  *Yes
  <rindolf>  chat
  <rindolf>  chatte for feminine
  <rindolf>  http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cat

    -- How good is your French?
    -- #perl-cats, Freenode
%
What does "IDK" stand for? I don’t know.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#what_does_IDK_stand_for )
%
PHP error debug list:

1) did you use the correct argument order? if you’re a good programmer, use
the *reverse* from what you think it is. see if it works. no? you’re not a
good programmer, or you learned php’s braindeadness and can go on to step 2).

2) did you think about your code? if so, don’t. php will do it for you so you
can do mindbogglingly stupid stuff, such as not escape the data that goes into
your sql queries.

    -- Dazjorz
    -- MSN Conversation between Dazjorz and Shlomi Fish ( http://dazjorz.com/ )
%
  <Su-Shee>  rindolf: yes, I played with Squeak a little and yes I'd like
             a vim clone written in perl.
  <Makoryu>  Why isn't there one already, then?
  <Makoryu>  (A vim clone in Perl)
  <Su-Shee>  good question. there's one in javascript :)
  <rindolf>  Su-Shee: actually , it's a vi clone.
  <rindolf>  Writing a vi clone is much easier than writing a vim clone.
  <rindolf>  Just like writing a Scheme clone is much easier than writing
             a Perl 6 implementation.
  <rindolf>  Unless you're Chuck Norris.
  <Su-Shee>  rindolf: darn.. he already wrote a vim in perl6?
  <moritz_>  no, he scared K&R into writing it ;-)
  <rindolf>  Su-Shee: Chuck Norris is the ghost author of the entire
             Debian GNU/Linux distribution.
  <rindolf>  Su-Shee: and he wrote it in 24 hours, while taking snack
             breaks.
  <Su-Shee>  rindolf: yes, I know - he published slackware under the
             pseudonym patrick volkerding...
  <rindolf>  Chuck Norris read the entire Wikipedia. Twice.
   <araujo>  the second time includes fixing all its errors
  <moritz_>  but he didn't commmit his changes, it seems
  <rindolf>  moritz_: heh.
  <rindolf>  LOL.
   <araujo>  Chuck Norris doesn't commit changes, the changes commit for
             him
   <araujo>  :)
  <rindolf>  Code is too scared of Chuck to be wrong.
  <rindolf>  It is generated right in the first time.
  <rindolf>  Bugs are too afraid to reproduce on Chuck Norris' computer.
  <Su-Shee>  .o(I see a chuck norris release on the horizon... ;)
  <rindolf>  Su-Shee: :-)
  <Su-Shee>  we could ask chuck norris if he's willing to promote the star
             release.. ;)) (which probably kill the entire internet due to
             laughter.. :)
   <araujo>  Perl 6 - A Chuck Norris like language
 <dukeleto>  Chuck Norris has actually been using Perl 6 since 1987, and
             has been waiting for Larry to play catch-up. :)
  <rindolf>  dukeleto: LOL.
  <rindolf>  Perl 6 - Kicks ass like Chuck.
  <Su-Shee>  rakudo - chuck's choice ;)
  <Su-Shee>  well, camelia and chuck norris go well together. ;)
  <rindolf>  OK.
  <rindolf>  Of course everybody know Chuck Norris is a real programmer.
  <rindolf>  He designs machines by combining individual atoms.
  <rindolf>  Using his thought.
  <rindolf>  Atoms obey Chuck Norris.
  <Su-Shee>  rindolf: you obviously have been starved and deprived of
             super hero comics in your childhood :)

    -- What you could assume was true about Chuck Norris
    -- #perl6, Freenode
%
Give me ASCII or give me deaþ!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#give-me-ascii )
%
In the Technion, there are many ways to get from one place to the other, but
they are all the same length.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#technion-ways )
%
 <shlomif>  Hi Sjors the Awayer!
   <sjors>  Hi Shlomi the, uh
   <sjors>  Onliner! :P
 <shlomif>  I am not an Awayer!
 <shlomif>  I am a free man.
 <shlomif>  Onlinerer, heh.
 <shlomif>  Touche.
   <sjors>  ;)
   <sjors>  or is Awayer some kind of Hebrew word?
 <shlomif>  No, it's not.
 <shlomif>  It's pig-English for someone who is Away.
 <shlomif>  We don't have a "w" sound in modern Hebrew (replaced by "v"
            a-la-German) but most Israelis have no problems pronouncing
            it.
 <shlomif>  I have problems pronouncing th (maths) and dh (there).
 <shlomif>  Even though they did exist in Ancient Hebrew.
   <sjors>  many Dutch people have problems saying th too
   <sjors>  earth
   <sjors>  they say it eart
 <shlomif>  Ah.
   <sjors>  I tink
 <shlomif>  I say it ers
 <shlomif>  Heh.
 <shlomif>  You seem to be in a funny mood too.
   <sjors>  I tink you are dere
   <sjors>  hehe
 <shlomif>  How's school?
   <sjors>  I've been feeling great lately :)
 <shlomif>  But OTOH you're a funny guy, anyway.
 <shlomif>  I think Zuu from ##programming is the comedian king of
            Denmark.
   <sjors>  haha
 <shlomif>  J/K.
 <shlomif>  I know many Israelis who are funnier than me IRL.
 <shlomif>  Or maybe also online.
   <sjors>  I know many Dutch people funnier than me
 <shlomif>  Ah.
 <shlomif>  IRL?
   <sjors>  And online, I think
   <sjors>  Meh
   <sjors>  I've been playing openttd
   <sjors>  but those damn trains
   <sjors>  are SO STUBBORN
 <shlomif>  Well, no offence, but you're not the funniest person online.
   <sjors>  it's annoying me
 <shlomif>  I've known.
 <shlomif>  Sometimes trolls can be funny.
 <shlomif>  Larry Wall seems a bit less funny on IRC than on Usenet or
            E-mail.
 <shlomif>  But he's not always funny.
 <shlomif>  IRL, he's really funny.
 <shlomif>  He gives funny presentations.
   <sjors>  I don't have the place in ottd to *force* them to do the right
            thing, but they do stuff like making 90 degree corners,
            stopping three other trains in their tracks, just because it's
            like a millisecond shorter than the other route
 <shlomif>  Though I think they always get more serious towards the end.
   <sjors>  hm :)
 <shlomif>  Is it a commercial game?
   <sjors>  OpenTTD?
 <shlomif>  I once gave a lightning talk about Template Toolkit and people
            laughed at the same slide twice , because I gave it twice due
            to a presentation equipment.
 <shlomif>  Ah.
 <shlomif>  The Open says everything.
   <sjors>  yep :)
 <shlomif>  I once gave a lightning talk about Template Toolkit and people
            laughed at the same slide twice , because I gave it twice due
            to a presentation equipment SNAFU*.
 <shlomif>  Gotta love Ctrl+Up.
 <shlomif>  Gotta love Ctrl+Up.
 <shlomif>  I think we've been there, though.
   <sjors>  hehe
 <shlomif>  Old joke.
   <sjors>  Didn't know it
 <shlomif>  I told you about it a long time ago.
 <shlomif>  It was you I think.
 <shlomif>  And then we did a session of two messages in a row.
 <shlomif>  ETOOMUCHINFORMATION
 <shlomif>  ETOOLITTLEKNOWLEDGE
 <shlomif>  ETOOHARDTOREADACRONYMS
   <sjors>  ah
   <sjors>  :P
 <shlomif>  EPLEASEUSESOMESPACES
 <shlomif>  EIWISHWEWEREUSINGSEXPRS
   <sjors>  ENOSPACEBARDETECTED?
 <shlomif>  You know what S-exprsessions are, right?
 <shlomif>  Indeed. No space bar.
 <shlomif>  Gotta press alt+032
 <shlomif>  Or something.
   <sjors>  hmm
   <sjors>  I don't have a numeric keypad
 <shlomif>  Ah.
 <shlomif>  Mac O Sucks.
 <shlomif>  Mac O Sucky Computers.
 <shlomif>  No offence, I hope.
   <sjors>  MUCH OFFENSE TAKEN!
   <sjors>  Hands off my Mac! ;)
 <shlomif>  It's mine! All mine!
 <shlomif>  My precioussssssssssss.
 <shlomif>  I'll make a fortune out of this conversation, I think.

    -- Sjors the Awayer
    -- #sjors-and-rindolf, MSN Messnenger
%
 <whoppix>  Quick git question, perhaps someone knows the answer: I have a
            file in my git tree (locally and in the repository), but I
            want git to ignore the file completely, i.e. git is not to
            touch the file on the filesystem by updating it or merging
            local changes into the repostiroy
 <rindolf>  whoppix: you can use .gitignore
 <rindolf>  I think
 <whoppix>  rindolf, hmm, good idea, thanks.
 <whoppix>  that was slow.
 <whoppix>  rindolf, hm, I think git update-index --assume-unchanged is
            what I need.
 <whoppix>  .gitignore is only for untracked files
 <rindolf>  whoppix: OK, have no clue what that is.
 <rindolf>  Git is so complicated.
 <rindolf>  And so opaque
 <whoppix>  rindolf, me neither, but the doc tells me to use that.
 <rindolf>  whoppix: can you believe the docs?
 <rindolf>  The docs may be lying.
 <rindolf>  Don't trust the docs.
 <rindolf>  Don't trust anything.
 <rindolf>  You're all alone.
 <rindolf>  It's you against the machine.
 <rindolf>  When in doubt, use the source code.
 <rindolf>  Not some sissy documentation.
 <whoppix>  right
 <whoppix>  I'll have some of what you've been smoking
 <rindolf>  whoppix: I'm 100% clean.

    -- Reflections on trusting documentation
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
             -->  ruby_on_tails has joined #jquery
               *  rindolf removes ruby_on_tails off his tail and meows.
               *  ruby_on_tails throws his paws at rindolf and scratches
                  his face
       <rindolf>  Fight!
               *  rindolf hisses at ruby_on_tails
               *  rindolf curves his back.
               *  rindolf is not a cat, he thinks, so why does he says
                  that?
       <rindolf>  On the Internet, no one knows you're a cat.
               *  ruby_on_tails deep-scratches rindolf's ass
       <rindolf>  Is there a word for a female cat.
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: truce?
 <ruby_on_tails>  tiger b-)
 <ruby_on_tails>  B-)
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: all felines are friends.
       <rindolf>  We must be united against our common enemy.
       <rindolf>  Dogs or whatever.
               *  ruby_on_tails unites all breeds of cats against rindolf
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: I am not the cats' no. 1 enemy.
 <ruby_on_tails>  you are :P
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: heh.
 <ruby_on_tails>  lol
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: :-)
       <rindolf>  "Cats of the world - unite!"
 <ruby_on_tails>  they are already united
 <ruby_on_tails>  Andy-: ajax form submission
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails++ # Despite being a cat god in an awfully
                  bad mood.
 <ruby_on_tails>  :P
       <rindolf>  "Ceiling cat is watching you."
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: I totally dig the lolcat web-cartoons.
       <rindolf>  I derive a sick pleasure from them.
 <ruby_on_tails>  I just watch tom n jerry
       <rindolf>  Well, not really sick.
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: tom is kinda stupid.
       <rindolf>  He's the cat, right?
 <ruby_on_tails>  yea
 <ruby_on_tails>  but he's got determination till the end :>
       <rindolf>  There's also Rita and Runt (sp?) in Animaniacs.
       <rindolf>  Rita is a smart cat.

    -- Felines of the world - unite!
    -- #jquery, Freenode
%
English spelling aims to be consistent. Publicly and methodically.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#english-spelling )
%
 <shlomif>  BTW, have you read my stories yet?
   <Sjors>  I haven’t
 <shlomif>  Ah.
 <shlomif>  "If you read my stories, I’ll give you 1,000,000 virtual
            dollars."
   <Sjors>  Causing me to have a lot of extra virtual time!
 <shlomif>  And be virtually rich.
 <shlomif>  And then you can virtually bribe virtual politicians.
 <shlomif>  And buy a lot of virtual goods.
 <shlomif>  LOL.
   <Sjors>  Then, I’d be virtually happy
   <Sjors>  Too bad... :P
 <shlomif>  It’s a virtual win-win situation.
 <shlomif>  You can hire many virtual programmers to write a lot of
            virtual code for KMess.
 <shlomif>  "My old virtual dad used to say to me: ‘virtual money does not
            bring you virtual happiness, my virtual son.’"

    -- Virtual money.
    -- Shlomi Fish and Sjors, MSN
%
   <TDDPirate>  Shlomi_Fish and me engaged in a religious argument - top
                posting vs. bottom posting.
   <TDDPirate>  What is your side (Pepy)?
        <Pepy>  hmm
        <Pepy>  bottom posting
        <Pepy>  i guess
        <Pepy>  well,guess bottom posting is winning then
 <Shlomi_Fish>  Heh.
   <TDDPirate>  Pepy: may you be damned, filthy heretic! TOP POSTING IS
                THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE WAY ! ! ! !
 <Shlomi_Fish>  TDDPirate: you are past redemption, you archangel of evil!
   <TDDPirate>  Shlomi_Fish: not to speak of your vile and wicked bottom
                posting ways!
        <Pepy>  so
        <Pepy>  go go bottom posting
 <Shlomi_Fish>  Pepy: that’s the way to go.
   <TDDPirate>  The way to go - if you want to be DOOMED! TO! ETERNAL!
                FIRES! OF! HELL!
 <Shlomi_Fish>  Top posting is for the weak and timid! I will challenge
                all top-posters to a Batelath contest for undermining the
                HONOUR of the entire Klingon race!
   <TDDPirate>  Don’t dare to defile the honor of the honorable Klingon
                Race by dragging them into this argument!
        <Pepy>  Sujatlh ‘e’ yImev TodSaH!
 <Shlomi_Fish>  Pepy: nice klingon.
        <Pepy>  thanks shlomi
   <TDDPirate>  Is this Klingon? And if yes, what does this mean?
        <Pepy>  yes it is
        <Pepy>  and it means “shut up geeks”
 <Shlomi_Fish>  Pepy: I may be a geek, but I’m a true klingon
                geek-warrior!
   <TDDPirate>  Nice use of the language, Pepy.
 <Shlomi_Fish>  And a true Klingon geek warrior ALWAYS bottom-posts.
        <Pepy>  no no,true Klingons have power to change quoted tops
   <TDDPirate>  Pepy: do you mean that Klingons have the power to defile
                and make filthy of sacred E-mail messages?
        <Pepy>  no,but they’re used to “edit” history
        <Pepy>  ah, when they ask me how the hell I managed to write so
                good band propositions
        <Pepy>  I’ll tell em,the secret is to chat with geeks about top vs
                bottom posting

    -- Bottom vs. Top Posting.
    -- Shlomi Fish, TDDPirate and Pepy, MSN
%
     <d3x>  btw, you can do mplayer -dumpaudio -dumpfile file.mp3
     <d3x>  no need to reencode
 <rindolf>  This -dumpfile is a nice trick.
 <rindolf>  Is it new?
 <rindolf>  I wonder when mplayer will hit 1.0 already.
 <rindolf>  Ah.
 <rindolf>  All the stuff I saw told me to use WAV and then encode.
     <d3x>  mplayer and 1.0? i'm not really sure it's their goal
 <rindolf>  They will stay at 1.0RC-foo forever?
     <d3x>  although i would be glad if they had some sensible versioning
 <rindolf>  Yes.
 <rindolf>  At the moment perl-Mojolicious is at 0.999924.
 <rindolf>  At least perl-Moose hit 1.00
     <d3x>  lol
 <rindolf>  Without any substantial changes from 0.99.
 <rindolf>  But you've got to upgrade somehow.
 <rindolf>  perl-Moose is MDV/RH notation, but I like it.
     <d3x>  imo it's just stupid not to release 1.0
 <rindolf>  I dislike libmoose-perl
 <rindolf>  Yes.
     <d3x>  wine did so and now they have normal versioning
 <rindolf>  Though most of my CPAN modules are sub-1.0.
 <rindolf>  http://search.cpan.org/~shlomif/
 <rindolf>  I think except for one module (where I used 0.2.0 0.4.0 and
            eventually hit 0.8.0 and had to go to 1.000) all my 1.0 and
            above modules are adopted.
     <d3x>  they are sub-1.0, but they are not 0.9.999.2010.03.11-rc5
     <d3x>  :)
 <rindolf>  One of them used the CVS revisions as versions.
 <rindolf>  d3x : LOL.
 <rindolf>  Yes.
 <rindolf>  d3x: can I quote you on that?
     <d3x>  i say it's stupid to make releases up to 0.9.something and
            then not to release 1.0
 <rindolf>  I collect quotes on my homepage.
     <d3x>  sure you can
 <rindolf>  At the moment I have freecell-solver-2.42.0
 <rindolf>  But I hope the new release will be 3.0.0
     <d3x>  the one that was bought by freecell enterprise? :D
 <rindolf>  I've left GNOME and gtk+/glib behind.
 <rindolf>  d3x yes.
 <rindolf>  Freecell Solver Enterprises™ Inc.
 <rindolf>  Ah, so you've seen that.
     <d3x>  yes, you posted a link on #debian
 <rindolf>  Yes.
 <rindolf>  You should add a digest to the version.
 <rindolf>  0.9.999.2010.03.11-rc5-adc83b19e793491b1c6ea0fd8b46cd9f32e592fc
     <d3x>  lol
 <rindolf>  In case you're using git or hg.

    -- d3x and Shlomi Fish (rindolf) about FOSS Versioning
    -- private conversation, Freenode
%
 <rindolf>  sarnold: you go to OGI?
 <sarnold>  rindolf: no; but my boss and a co-worker are professors there,
            and other co-workers earned degrees there..
 <rindolf>  sarnold: OK.
    <muli>  sarnold, have you got one of those pesky things?
 <sarnold>  muli: just Bachelor of Arts .. no Masters or Ph.D...
 <rindolf>  sarnold: B.Sc or B.A.?
    <muli>  rindolf, Bachelor of Arts is B.A.
 <rindolf>  muli: I know. But I was just checking.
 <sarnold>  rindolf: ah, you’re right, B.Sc.. I chickened out on the
            language requirements :)
 <rindolf>  muli: see?? LOL.
    <muli>  rindolf, sometimes, two bugs cancel each other.
 <rindolf>  muli: wisely spoken.
 <rindolf>  But mine wasn’t a bug - it was a sanity check.

    -- Not a bug
    -- #offtopic, OFTC
%
 <rindolf>  Hi all.
 <rindolf>  Why are there both #ruby and #ruby-lang ?
   <erikh>  mmm
   <erikh>  some questions
   <erikh>  you know
   <erikh>  they're best not asked :)
 <rindolf>  erikh: "The first rule of the fight club is you don't talk
            about the fight club."
   <erikh>  pretty much.
   <raggi>  no, you punch them in the face until they get the message
   <erikh>  raggi: haha. hi man.
 <Judofyr>  The first rule of #ruby-lang is you don't talk about #ruby.

    -- #ruby-lang and #ruby
    -- #ruby-lang, Freenode
%
    <Radar>  and on a completely unrelated note
    <Radar>  http://ryanbigg.com/2011/04/rails-3-1-in-action
  <rindolf>  Radar: I know it's rehearsed, but I prefer reading dark on
             bright rather than the opposite.
  <rindolf>  Radar: let me see if there's an alternate stylesheet.
    <Radar>  rindolf: Command+Option+Control+8
 <workmad3>  heh
  <rindolf>  Radar: I'm not on a Mac.
    <Radar>  rindolf: then whatever the shortcut is for you to invert your
             screen.
  <rindolf>  Radar: Firefox 4.0 on Mandriva Linux Cooker on an old
             P4-2.4GHz.
  <rindolf>  Radar: yeah....
  <rindolf>  Radar: that way XChat and Pidgin will be in technicolour.
 <workmad3>  Radar: so, once you've gotten Rails 3.1 in Action out, are
             you going to be going for Rails 3.2 in Action on Windows?
  <rindolf>  Well, I applied a no-stylesheet.
    <Radar>  workmad3: Rails 3.2 in Action on Windows(r) 7(tm) actually.
 <workmad3>  Radar: I'll reserve my copy now :D
  <rindolf>  Radar: good luck with that.
  <rindolf>  Radar: will the book be available online for free
             view/download?
 <workmad3>  rindolf: a windows book? for free?
 <workmad3>  are you crazy???
  <rindolf>  workmad3: Windows?
  <rindolf>  workmad3: it's about Rails.
    <Radar>  rindolf: no it will cost money
  <rindolf>  Radar: ah, OK. :-(
 <workmad3>  Rails 3.2 In Action on Windows(r) 7(tm)
 <workmad3>  it'll cost big bucks!!
  <rindolf>  workmad3: heh.
  <rindolf>  Ultimate Premium.
    <Radar>  Yes, I'm going to spend a year of my life writing a book and
             then release it for free, yay
    <Radar>  how about no?
 <workmad3>  Radar: don't forget the Enterprise Rails 3.2 on Windows In
             Action 7(tw)
 <workmad3>  you can charge double for that one... it has enterprise in
             the title!
    <Radar>  workmad3: how did you know about the third installment of the
             trilogy?! only Yehuda and I know of that
 <workmad3>  Radar: I'm really yehuda in disguise
 <workmad3>  dammit... I should have waited 25 mins to reveal that...
  <rindolf>  Radar: well, I'm now working on an EPUB of
             http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ but DocBook/XML is
             giving me some grief in generating a valid EPUB.
  <rindolf>  I think I'll fix the EPUB manually.
  <rindolf>  I'll have to study the EPUB format.
  <rindolf>  Radar: it's a story - not a technical book.
  <rindolf>  Radar: http://perl-begin.org/ - this took me several years to
             work on (well not 100% of the time) and it's mostly CC-by.
 <workmad3>  rindolf: who'd pay for stuff on perl though? :P
  <rindolf>  workmad3: you'd be surprised.
 <workmad3>  rindolf: I doubt it
  <rindolf>  workmad3: I think chromatic's latest "Modern Perl" book was a
             smashing success.
 <workmad3>  my sense of surprise has been surgically removed
  <rindolf>  workmad3: even though it was available online the whole time.
  <rindolf>  workmad3: but Perl is a bit passé and established.
  <rindolf>  Radar: people will torrent your book/etc.
 <workmad3>  also, I think I need to colour my sarcastic text differently
  <rindolf>  workmad3: ah, OK.
 <workmad3>  or maybe just my non-sarcastic text
  <rindolf>  chromatic did an awesome job.
 <workmad3>  would probably be easier
  <rindolf>  Use <sarcasm> ... </sarcasm>
 <workmad3>  too much typing
  <rindolf>  Human XML.
  <rindolf>  Write an IRC client macro for that.
 <workmad3>  I'll just put <nonsarcasm> when I'm not being sarcastic
  <rindolf>  Heh.
 <workmad3>  assume that previous one was escaped
  <rindolf>  XSS!
  <rindolf>  1+1 = 2. [citation needed]
  <rindolf>  I like this channel.
  <rindolf>  But I admit I'm not big into rails.
 <workmad3>  it doesn't like you
 <workmad3>  it's looking at you funny
 <workmad3>  muttering under it's breath
 <workmad3>  :P
  <rindolf>  Most of my sites are hosted on something which I don't care
             what it runs or alternatively static HTML sites.
  <rindolf>  workmad3: :-)
  <rindolf>  I'm so making a fortune out of this conversation.
  <rindolf>  workmad3: have you ever considered being a stand-up comedian?
 <workmad3>  rindolf: nah... I'm too lazy
  <rindolf>  workmad3: ah.
 <workmad3>  rindolf: if I could sit down while doing it, I'd be a
             millionaire :P
  <rindolf>  workmad3: heh.
  <rindolf>  workmad3: more like a milliardaire.

    -- workmad3 drives Radar and rindolf mad.
    -- #rubyonrails, Freenode
%
       <Diablo-D3>  Feminists
       <Diablo-D3>  So anti-womans rights douchebags.
         <rindolf>  Diablo-D3: well, I don't know too much about how
                    feminism relates to the global women-lib movement.
         <rindolf>  I do know I kinda hate feminazis, which I consider a
                    subset of feminists.
       <Diablo-D3>  It's a bunch of women who are pissed than other women
                    are getting dicked more often than them.
         <rindolf>  Diablo-D3: heh.
       <Diablo-D3>  So they "hate" men, but secretly want to be tied to a
                    bed and boned repeatedly.
     <Lady_Aleena>  Diablo-D3, please don't lump me in that group.
       <Diablo-D3>  Lady_Aleena: thats up to you, not me
       <Diablo-D3>  I do not create feminists, I only laugh at them
         <rindolf>  Lady_Aleena: I don't think you're a feminazi.
         <rindolf>  Lady_Aleena: you're really cool.
         <rindolf>  Lady_Aleena: at least on IRC.
     <Lady_Aleena>  Thanks... :)
     <Lady_Aleena>  Though I still want to break a guy's fingers.
         <rindolf>  Lady_Aleena: and don't take what Diablo-D3 says
                    seriously.
     <Lady_Aleena>  I try to keep an open mind.
       <Diablo-D3>  rindolf: hey now
         <rindolf>  Lady_Aleena: well, you or I can want to kill some
                    people and it's OK as long as we don't actually do it.
     <Lady_Aleena>  rindolf, NOT kill, maim.
       <Diablo-D3>  any woman who tries to take away the rights of other
                    women should be flogged in the town square.
     <Lady_Aleena>  One can not change the mind of the dead.
     <Lady_Aleena>  However, one can change the minds of the maimed.
         <rindolf>  Lady_Aleena: in one of my stories (still work in
                    progress), the protagonist wants to punch her
                    boyfriend, but she knows better than that and so just
                    goes away frustrated.
         <rindolf>  Lady_Aleena: let me translate that part to English.
       <Diablo-D3>  rindolf: thats boring!
         <rindolf>  Diablo-D3: :-)
     <Lady_Aleena>  She should have kneed him in the nuts.
         <rindolf>  Diablo-D3: maybe she should shoot him with a bazooka.
       <Diablo-D3>  Clearly the chick should hit the guy, the guy should
                    hit back, and then they should have wild sex.
         <rindolf>  Diablo-D3: it's in public.
     <Lady_Aleena>  UH! S&M!
     <Lady_Aleena>  rindolf, the best place.
         <rindolf>  Diablo-D3: it's actually an anti-thesis to a lot of
                    Hollywoodian stuff.
         <rindolf>  Lady_Aleena: to have wild sex?
     <Lady_Aleena>  rindolf, sure, why not?
     <Lady_Aleena>  A dom makes her sub perform sexual acts on demand, no
                    matter the place. If insufficient the sub is flogged.
     <Lady_Aleena>  s/A dom/A dom, with no inhibitions,/;
                 *  Lady_Aleena giggles.
     <Lady_Aleena>  I think I just sent 2 men running for their mommies.
       <Diablo-D3>  no, we're too busy fapping.
     <Lady_Aleena>  Good.
     <Lady_Aleena>  Good little perl boy…
       <Diablo-D3>  lol
       <Diablo-D3>  evil Lady_Aleena
     <Lady_Aleena>  Bad perl boy, no cookies...
                 *  Lady_Aleena is now known as Mistress_Aleena
         <rindolf>  Mistress_Aleena: heh.
                 *  Mistress_Aleena laughs.
         <rindolf>  Well, that scene continues.
         <rindolf>  In the balcony.
         <rindolf>  They end up making out.
         <rindolf>  I can translate more I guess.
 <Mistress_Aleena>  No need.
         <rindolf>  Mistress_Aleena: maybe you should be Madame_Aleena
                 *  Mistress_Aleena is now known as Madame_Aleena
         <rindolf>  I wonder if I should make a fortune out of this
                    conversation.
         <rindolf>  It's a bit Rish instead of PG-13ish.
   <Madame_Aleena>  little rindolf, go for the X.
         <rindolf>  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motion_Picture_Association_of_America_film_rating_system
         <rindolf>  Madame_Aleena: X!
         <rindolf>  X marks the spot.
         <rindolf>  X-Windows.
   <Madame_Aleena>  Yes it does, little rindolf.
         <rindolf>  Maybe you should be Hotbabe_Aleena
         <rindolf>  Madame_Aleena: BTW, did you register Mistress_Aleena
                    and Madame_Aleena ?
   <Madame_Aleena>  Yes.

    -- Go for the X.
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
Shlomo: Mosheh, remember I told you about Katie?

Mosheh: oh yeah! She looks cute when she’s angry.

Katie: Moses, right?

Mosheh: that’s right.

Katie: well, in case you have any interest in me, I should note that I have a
policy against getting involved with people who are 4 times my senior or more.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Star Trek: “We, the Living Dead” ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Star-Trek/We-the-Living-Dead/ )
%
Ross: I can’t believe he could not tell the other guy wasn’t really a
dinosaur.

Chandler: Well, cartoon characters usually have a difficulty seeing through
disguises.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The One with the Fountainhead (Part 1) ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TOWTF/ )
%
Ross: You’ve already read it (= the Fountainhead)?

Joey: Yeah [puts the book down]. I was in acting school, and the guys decided
to throw a discussion on it. So, I decided that I’ll read the book so I can
make a good impression on the ladies if y’know what I mean…

Rachel: Yep, we know what you mean.

Monica: So, did you get laid that night?

Joey: No. I spent the entire night discussing /The Fountainhead./ [pause]
Interesting book.

Chandler: Must have been one of the most stimulating nights of your life.

Joey: Not quite as much as the next night.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The One with the Fountainhead (Part 1) ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TOWTF/ )
%
Joey: Hey, know what we can do, so I can get prepared for the audition? Let’s
role-play our own version of "The Fountainhead".

Rachel: Our own version? Why would we want to write our own version of it!
This book is great.

The others: "Yes." "One of the best books I ever read." "Can’t get better than
this"

Joey: Come on, if you wanted to write it today, would you write the same book?

[Silence.]

Phoebe: Well, for one thing: didn’t it bother you that Dominique Francon, the
main female character, didn’t do anything in the best years of her life,
except like… sleeping with people?

Ross: yeah. All the characters in fact do nothing in the 20’s and 30’s, except
maybe build a couple of buildings.

Joey: If you ask me: the book is too slow-paced for the 90’s. I mean, in the
60’s it may have worked but we’re in the information age now.

Ross: Joey, "The Fountainhead" was written in 1943.

Joey: Yeah, but it was still good enough in the 60’s right? OK: our own
version of "The Fountainhead" - here’s what I think it should look like

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The One with the Fountainhead (Part 1) ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TOWTF/ )
%
Voice: Earth - the initial frontier. Somewhere in the depths of space, on a
remote planet you know as Earth, came up a relatively uncommon phenomenon:
Civilization. What it means is that intelligent,

[A text on the screen with a beep - (?)]

Voice: conscious

[A text on the screen with the same beep - (?)]

Voice: Stop it!

[A text on the screen with a different beep - (!)]

Voice: Like I said, intelligent, conscious, people formed cities and
countries, with a technology that became more and more advanced in time.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Humanity - The Movie ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/humanity/ )
%
Mike “The Mouse” House (a.k.a “D.J. Salinger”) was a minor rap artist, and a
computer geek when he decided to start selling CDs of open-source software. He
turned to spamming to publicise his business, but found out that the spam he
sent was trapped by most spam traps. He decided to use the notorious obscured
image spam, but since he had a few blind friends, decided to also include an
audio recording of a rap song with the spam message.

House received a few offers from his spam campaign, but his real break came
when a few enthusiasts of the spam song shared it on the Internet, where it
became an instant hit. The song eventually hit the charts and MTV, and made
D.J. Salinger famous, who quickly released his first successful album called
/Rap to the spam, Ma’am!/, with such highly acclaimed hits as “Rap to not get
trapped” and “He ain’t Nigerian. He’s a Spammer!”.

As a millionaire, House decided to donate some of his money back to sponsoring
open-source projects, and has donated 100,000’s of U.S. Dollars to such causes
as [the Free Software Foundation](http://www.fsf.org/), [Linux
International](http://www.li.org/) and
[SpamAssassin](http://spamassassin.apache.org/). “If it hadn’t been for them,
I wouldn’t have made it big”, he said, and said he’s now working on a second
album with a similar theme.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- “Spam for Everyone” - The Internationl Campaign for Accessible Spam ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/Spam-for-Everyone/ )
%
I promised, I forgot, I did not keep my promise — just shoot me, and get on
with it!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#I_promised )
%
An original philosopher knows the right combination of ideas to steal.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#original_philosopher )
%
* To err is human - to apologise - divine.

* To have bugs is human - to fix them - divine.

* To have bugs is human - to find them - divine.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#to_err_is_human_corollaries )
%
I might be mad. But I’m a mad genius.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#might_be_mad )
%
If God exists and is the ego-maniacal, sadistic and helpless creature that is
described in the Old Testament, then we’re in deep trouble.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#if_god_exists )
%
*Sophie:* Let’s suppose you have a table with 2^n cups…
*Jack:* Wait a second - is ‘n’ a natural number?

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
A kid always wishes they were older until they are 18. Afterwards, they always
wish they were younger.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
*Shlomi’s Father:* If you don’t sort the dishwasher, the dishwasher won’t be
sorted.

*Shlomi:* No, it won’t be sorted by me.

*Shlomi’s Father:* No, it won’t be sorted at all. We will throw away the
dishwasher.

*Together:* Along with all the dishes.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
All languages of the world suck. If you require people to declare variables
(like in Pascal, C,
[Scheme](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scheme_%28programming_language%29) or
Perl 5 with [strict](http://perldoc.perl.org/strict.html)), then people will
tell you they like variables to spring up upon first use. Without variable
declarations, then you get various weird side-effects of the implicit scoping.
If you use curly braces for scoping, then you’ll have to type more and there’s
more clutter. With indentation-based scoping (like in Python), you’ll find it
hard to introduce multiple-expression
[lambdas](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lambda_calculus#First-class_functions).

Rob Pike and Paul Graham hated object oriented programming (OOP) and so they
didn’t introduce it in their
[“Go”](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Go_%28programming_language%29) and
[“Arc“](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arc_%28programming_language%29)
languages, well after OOP has become mainstream. And guess what? Many people,
including me, think that OOP is still a good thing (and no, in my opinion, C++
did not do OOP very well) and so gave up on Arc quickly and did not look
closely at Go.

Dynamically typed languages (like Perl 5, Python, Ruby, or Lisp) possibly
suffer from many subtle errors ; Statically typed languages (like Haskell) are
less expressive and it seems that about one third of the language design
papers published on [Lambda the Ultimate](http://lambda-the-ultimate.org/) are
about various funky extensions to the Haskell type system to allow for better
expressiveness.

Purely functional languages have no assignment and most people find them
harder, in part because the world around us has a lot of state, and they also
need to do funky compiler tricks to make you feel like you don’t need
assignment. Non-functional languages have side-effects and so are prone to
many errors.

If you have goto or goto-like statements (such as exceptions or Perl 5’s “last
LABEL;” (more like “break” in C) or “next LABEL;”), then you encourage code to
not be factored correctly. If you don’t have such stuff, then programmers will
hate you for having to go through many hoops to write quick-and-dirty code.

Perl 5 has a dedicated regular expression syntax which is treated magically by
the parser. PHP and Java use strings for them, and require weird escaping and
backslashing rules to interpolate the sub-regexes inside them. And if you
incorporate a first-order syntax for regular expressions, then people will
want similar first-order syntaxes for XPath, for XML (like some recent
versions of Visual Basic .NET have), and for all other grammars you may need
to embed.

Finally, many people absolutely hate all the clutter created by the leading
[sigils](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sigil_%28computer_programming%29) of
Perl 5 (the "$", "@", etc.), and similar languages, but they allow for much
better backward compatibility, facilitate the so-called “interpolation” (=
embedding inside strings), and also give some important visual cues when
skimming code (even without syntax highlighting).

*You are damned either way*, whatever you do.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Your Programming Language Must Suck ( http://shlomif-tech.livejournal.com/57811.html )
%
* 1 User to start a http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Changing_a_Light_Bulb
article.

* 1 editor to tag it with the “No original research” template. (Without giving
a reason)

* 3 users to find citations for the article.

* 1 editor to claim it violates the wikipedia “Neutral Point of View policy”.
(without giving a reason).

* The original user to ask why he thinks this way on the talk page.

* 5 users to find occurences of changing a light bulb in popular culture.

* 1 anonymous user to correct an “it’s” to “its”.

* 1 editor to revert it.

* 1 editor to revert the revert because it was a real typo.

* 10 users to rant in the talk page that Changing a lightbulb is not notable
enough.

* 10 Wikipeders to start similar articles in French, German, Spanish, Catalan,
Esperanto, Ido, Hebrew, Klingon, Mandarin Chinese, and other languages.

* 10 more people to periodically keep the articles in sync with the English
version.

* Starting the cycle again on the localised wikipedias.

* 1 Person to argue that the article should be merged into the main article
about the inventor of the lightbulb.

* 5 People to argue on the talk-page who the inventor of the lightbulb was.

* 1 Person to start a wikiquote page about changing lightbulbs.

* 1 Person to add it to wikibook.

* 4 persons to gradually delete content the section about “choosing a good
chair” until it only reads “choose a good chair.”

* 1 person to write it again.

* 1 deletionist to remove the article due to all of its perceived problems.

* 3 months from now:

* 1 different user to feel the absense of the Changing_a_Light_Bulb article,
create it and start the cycle all over again.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- How many Wikipeders does it take to Change a Light Bulb? ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/How-many-Wikipedia-Editors/ )
%
As expected from the latest trend in the Perl blogosphere this post will be
about Roles. And Moose! And Roles in Moose! And Moose in Roles! And Roles
outside Moose…

Seriously now, this is a post about a completely non-Moosey and non-Roley
script I wrote to filter the use.perl.org master journals' feed.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Meta: Script to Filter the Master use.perl.org Blogs' Feed ( http://use.perl.org/~Shlomi+Fish/journal/38969 )
%
          <rindolf>  Hi all.
         <Leuthihi>  O HAI rindolf
          <rindolf>  Leuthihi: HAI HAI.
          <rindolf>  Leuthihi: what's up?
         <Leuthihi>  rindolf: I'm hungry!
          <rindolf>  Leuthihi: there's one antidote for it.
          <rindolf>  Leuthihi: it's called Food.
          <rindolf>  Leuthihi: </bolt>
         <Leuthihi>  well, but what food?
         <Leuthihi>  and I need coffee
         <Leuthihi>  oh, I think I know what I'll have.
 <benwbrum_chez_so>  Chili. A big bowl of red, with crackers and onions on
                     the side.
          <rindolf>  Leuthihi: does it matter?
            <Volis>  If it has to be some cuisine.
            <Volis>  Did I spell correctly?
          <rindolf>  Volis: spell what?
            <Volis>  oh yes.
            <Volis>  cuisine.
          <rindolf>  "cuisine" is spelt this way.
          <rindolf>  Yes.
          <rindolf>  It's a French word I think.
          <rindolf>  .ety cuisine
           <la_fen>  "1786, from Fr. cuisine 'style of cooking,'
                     originally 'kitchen, cooking, cooked food' (12c.),
                     from L.L. cocina, earlier coquina 'kitchen,' from L.
                     coquere 'to cook' (see cook (n.))." -
                     http://etymonline.com/?term=cuisine
          <rindolf>  OK, originally from Latin.
            <Volis>  nevermind. Which cuisine is the best?
            <Volis>  In general
          <rindolf>  Volis: I like many cuisines.
           <Gvidon>  Russian, of course
          <rindolf>  Volis: though most of the ethnic food is actually
                     poor men's food.
          <rindolf>  Gvidon: Russian cuisine?
           <Gvidon>  rindolf: Yes
         <Leuthihi>  well, yes, because I need something to eat to be able
                     to eat it.
          <rindolf>  Gvidon: what does it feature?
            <Volis>  Russian cuisine lacks flavour.
           <Gvidon>  rindolf: Vodka
          <rindolf>  Gvidon: ah.
         <Leuthihi>  In Soviet Russia, food tastes YOU!
          <rindolf>  Gvidon: I didn't know Vodka is nutritious
          <rindolf>  Leuthihi: :-)
            <Volis>  In Soviet Russia, They no longer use this meme. :P
         <Leuthihi>  Vodka has plenty of calories at least.
          <rindolf>  Gvidon: and I don't consume Alcoholic beverages in
                     any quantity.
          <rindolf>  Volis: :-)
         <Leuthihi>  Volis: because: In Soviet Russia, meme uses You!
          <rindolf>  «In Soviet Russia, cats own you. Oh wait! They own
                     you everywhere.»
            <Volis>  Considering the fact, i'm still underage. Please
                     change the topic.
          <rindolf>  Volis: underage?
          <rindolf>  Volis: ah, you cannot drink?
            <Volis>  In Soviet Russia, left keeps you. Always.
            <Volis>  "Dear fellow driver, let left be for communist crap
                     only"
            <Volis>  rindolf, Rules of the world.

    -- Russian cuisine
    -- ##English, Freenode
%
E-mail, web feeds and doing something productive — choose two.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- LiveJournal.com Post ( http://shlomif.livejournal.com/4002.html )
%
The worst way to waste your time is to never waste it.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Unarmed but Still Dangerous Post ( http://unarmed.shlomifish.org/1342.html )
%
*Sophie:* I’m hungry today.
*Jack:* well wait until tomorrow - maybe this feeling will pass.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#Im-hungry-today )
%
We agree. But do we agree to agree?

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#We_agree )
%
sed and awk make me sad and awkward.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
 <linuxguy101>  sebsebseb: i thought you were abducted by windows 8
     <rindolf>  sebsebseb: hi.
 <linuxguy101>  rindolf: windows got him
     <rindolf>  linuxguy101: if you say so.
 <linuxguy101>  he is trying to find that icon in windows 8 that has irc
                on it
 <linuxguy101>  average users it usually will take a day or longer
 <linuxguy101>  it is a productivity enhancer
     <rindolf>  linuxguy101: heh.
 <linuxguy101>  rindolf: you must get windows 8
 <linuxguy101>  it is an experience in windows you will never forget
     <rindolf>  linuxguy101: why?
 <linuxguy101>  rindolf: it is like windows me and vista combined with a
                bunch of retarded programmers who cant speak the same lang
 <linuxguy101>  it is jaw dropping
     <rindolf>  linuxguy101: sounds fascinating.
 <linuxguy101>  i expect Microsoft will earn some rewards on this os
 <linuxguy101>  like longest boot time.. Hardest os to use by a human. And
                most compatible os with itself ever made.
     <rindolf>  linuxguy101: :-)
 <linuxguy101>  rindolf: you must switch to something less useful and more
                productive like windows 8
 <linuxguy101>  think of the hours you could spend on windows 8.. remember
                it is retro
     <rindolf>  linuxguy101: retrofitted?
 <linuxguy101>  rindolf: yes.. down to 2 or 4 colors.. steve balmer in a
                cocaine brain storming meeting with the developers decided
                to move to a gui that was un pattoned so they invented
                retro.. simple and stupid colors a 4 year old child could
                barely read or draw
 <linuxguy101>  he called it retro
     <rindolf>  Retro.
 <linuxguy101>  clearly a first in computing history
     <rindolf>  Now I get the joke.
     <rindolf>  Metro is Retro.
 <linuxguy101>  oh it is no joke.. just wait for windows 8 lack of sales
                prompt stever balmer to shove it down into the updates for
                windows 7
 <linuxguy101>  on a side note, did you know that linux is becoming more
                popular now days?
 <linuxguy101>  i dont know why..
 <linuxguy101>  rindolf: you really should try windows 8
 <linuxguy101>  at least virtual box it..
     <rindolf>  linuxguy101: maybe I should, but I'm not going to shell
                out money for the experience.
 <linuxguy101>  Warning!: using windows 8 may cause massive hysteria,
                laughing and vomiting in some cases..
 <linuxguy101>  the first time i used windows 8 i laughed uncontrolably
                for several hours and almost wet myself

    -- Win 8, Lose 9
    -- #mageia-social, Freenode
%
The English Wikipedia: now you don’t see it - now you do.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
 <rindolf>  Hi all.
 <srogers>  howdy
 <rindolf>  srogers: hi, what's up?
 <srogers>  work, mostly
 <srogers>  "one of those days"
 <rindolf>  Ah.
 <rindolf>  Work.
 <rindolf>  I'm enjoying my unemployed status.
 <rindolf>  And after all that hospital thing is behind me, I'd like to go
            to tau.ac.il and set up some events where I read from my
            writings/etc.
 <rindolf>  To gain some esteem.
 <rindolf>  I contacted an Israeli publisher about publishing some of my
            stories and/or essays, but they didn't return to me after more
            than a month (which is their designated limit).
 <rindolf>  And after reminding them on the phone, I gave up.
 <rindolf>  Well, I'm not going to sit idly and expect recognition to come
            to me.
 <rindolf>  Maybe I'll use some of my Project Wonderful money to gain some
            publicity.
 <rindolf>  I could try publicising some of my works on various sites such
            as http://www.calamitiesofnature.com/
 <srogers>  Yeah - promote yourself
 <rindolf>  srogers: yes.
 <rindolf>  srogers: I think that was the main mistake of Howard Roark in
            The Fountainhead.
 <rindolf>  He should have worked more on publicity.
 <srogers>  ha - if only he had Facebook . . .
 <rindolf>  Heh.

    -- Bringing the mountain to Muhammad
    -- Objectivism, Freenode
%
     <mrout>  Who likes freedom?
     <mrout>  FREEDOM
   <rindolf>  mrout: freedom++
    <Younos>  just give me my beer
   <rindolf>  Younos: heh.
   <rindolf>  No beer for you!
    <Younos>  aww :o(
     <mrout>  I’m in non-freedom mode atm actually, using Windoze
     <mrout>  for teh gamez
   <rindolf>  mrout: OK.
     <mrout>  but when I restart into Linux I respect the freedoms of
              myself and others
   <rindolf>  mrout: OK.
    <Younos>  you should respect it regardless of the platform
   <rindolf>  mrout: maybe try reporting it as a bug in WINE/etc.
   <rindolf>  mrout: the GNU project encourages FOSS developers to port
              their software to non-free platforms.
   <rindolf>  Though there was a small backlash about it (at least for
              Windows) a while ago.
 <alfplayer>  encourages?
     <mrout>  rindolf: I sure hope it does. if we can encourage users to
              try FOSS software on non-free platforms, they might more
              easily learn about FOSS and about how to protect their
              freedoms
   <rindolf>  http://fc-solve.shlomifish.org/download.html - I provide a
              Windows binary for this. :-)
     <mrout>  Many users don’t even know they can get software that
              respects their freedoms.
   <rindolf>  alfplayer: well, don't know if encourage, but it doesn't
              hold a stand against it.
   <rindolf>  alfplayer: and a lot of GNU software can be built fine on
              Windows (And proprietary UNIXes).
 <alfplayer>  rindolf: that's very different imo
 <alfplayer>  rindolf: yes, like gcc and emacs
     <mrout>  btw is rms ever on here? He gave a talk at my local
              university a few years ago, and I never got a chance to talk
              to him.
   <rindolf>  http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/show.cgi?id=should-perl-drop-sco-support
              - also see this.
     <mrout>  lol
   <rindolf>  mrout: I don't think he uses IRC.
   <rindolf>  mrout: he also doesn't use a graphical web browser.
   <rindolf>  mrout: though he does read the web sometimes.
     <mrout>  rindolf: i haven’t installed X yet, so neither do I. haha
   <rindolf>  He commented on a few pages on my site.
   <rindolf>  When he visited Israel, I told RMS that I felt making
              Freecell Solver Public Domain (now it's MIT/X11L) was
              appropriate given its target audience, and he said he
              thought making it GPLed would encourage more users of
              programs that used it to make them FOSS.
   <rindolf>  He also said it was OK that freshmeat.net (now freecode.com)
              did not release their backend as free software.
   <rindolf>  mrout: ah.
     <mrout>  freecode.com?
   <rindolf>  mrout: well, I think he doesn't even use links or lynx or
              Emacs' www-mode.
   <rindolf>  mrout: yes.
   <rindolf>  mrout: they changed their name and domain.
     <mrout>  who are they? NEVER heard of them
   <rindolf>  mrout: http://freecode.com/ - it's a nice way to discover
              some interesting software.
   <rindolf>  mrout: they are a web-directory for UNIX software.
     <mrout>  do they host it?
   <rindolf>  mrout: no.
     <mrout>  quite unlike something like github, then?
   <rindolf>  mrout: just link to it.
     <mrout>  cool
     <mrout>  will try to remember that
   <rindolf>  mrout: also see
              http://www.shlomifish.org/lecture/Freecell-Solver/slides/freshmeat_effect.html
   <rindolf>  mrout: not everything there is FOSS.
      <mtjm>  http://stallman.org/stallman-computing.html explains his Web
              use
   <rindolf>  mrout: and not everything is there.
   <rindolf>  mrout: but I try to publicise most of my major software
              there.
      <mtjm>  IRC would need a constant network access which is difficult
              when travelling (and needs much mor e time than batch mail
              writing)
   <rindolf>  Well, most of the software published there is either niche
              or quite boring.
     <mrout>  rindolf: Freecell Solver on freecode is the first result
   <rindolf>  mrout: for what?
     <mrout>  that google search
     <mrout>  I fail to see a problem
   <rindolf>  mrout: well, thing is there are other Freecell solvers.
   <rindolf>  mrout: and what I said is that I clog the search.
     <mrout>  Oh, I see what you mean
     <mrout>  that’s a good thing for you, though
   <rindolf>  mrout: lots of junk like
              FreeBSD/Debian/Ubuntu/Mandriva/Mageia packages.
   <rindolf>  mrout: that's what I call the freshmeat effect.
   <rindolf>  I get http://fc-solve.shlomifish.org/ as the first hit. :-(
   <rindolf>  Damn bubbling.
   <rindolf>  https://duckduckgo.com/?q=freecell%20solver - here (no
              bubbling) I get the wikipedia Freecell page as a first hit.
     <mrout>  rindolf: bubbling?
   <rindolf>  mrout: http://dontbubble.us/
     <mrout>  I get NZ results
     <mrout>  hahaha
   <rindolf>  mrout: NZ?
     <mrout>  rindolf: where are you from?
   <rindolf>  mrout: Israel.
     <mrout>  New Zealand.
   <rindolf>  mrout: but shlomifish.org is hosted in hostgator.com .
   <rindolf>  I used to host it in a small Israeli hosting provider but
              they were too unreliable.
     <mrout>  I asked, because i expected it to be US, and so I’d say “I
              know what US stands for, but you don’t know what NZ stands
              for? Shame on you.”
   <rindolf>  mrout: I know that .nz is New Zealand.
   <rindolf>  mrout: but didn't understand the initialism in the context.
   <rindolf>  mrout: some Americans think .il is Illinois.
   <rindolf>  And .ca is California.
   <rindolf>  Well, there's also .la.
     <mrout>  ahh
   <rindolf>  And .tv.
     <mrout>  haha
     <mrout>  tv? that must be for tezdikistan. >.>
   <rindolf>  mrout: no.
   <rindolf>  mrout: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/.tv
     <mrout>  joke
     <mrout>  that was a joke
     <mrout>  I know it’s not for television stuff lol
   <rindolf>  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuvalu
   <rindolf>  mrout: OK.
   <rindolf>  .tk domains are free.
     <mrout>  yeah
     <mrout>  Woo tokelau
           *  rindolf wonders if there is .fs.
   <rindolf>  There should be a country called .if so I can register
              shlom.if
   <rindolf>  Someone registered shlomifi.sh. ;-)
   <rindolf>  Not me, though.
   <rindolf>  https://www.google.com/search?q=.lf - no .lf either.
   <rindolf>  We need more countries.
     <mrout>  I wish there was a .ut
     <mrout>  so I could get mro.ut
   <rindolf>  mrout: ah.
   <rindolf>  Well, I can register shlomif.name.
     <mrout>  I already have rout.co.nz (that’s my dad’s actually) and
              rout.geek.nz (mine)
   <rindolf>  mrout: ah.
   <rindolf>  Are top-level .nz domains available?
   <rindolf>  like rout.nz
     <mrout>  you can’t get milesroutisawesome.nz, no
   <rindolf>  Ah.
     <mrout>  or rout.nz >.>
   <rindolf>  OK.
   <rindolf>  .il domains are kinda costly and they used to require
              faxing.
   <rindolf>  And I don't feel my domains are particularly
              Israeli-related.
     <mrout>  ahh
   <rindolf>  Well, I originally got shlomif.il.eu.org.
   <rindolf>  But its DNS was flaky.
     <mrout>  .eu.org?
   <rindolf>  So I ended up buying shlomifish.org
     <mrout>  what’s your actual name?
   <rindolf>  Now I also have shlomifish.com
   <rindolf>  mrout: Shlomi Fish.
     <mrout>  Ahh
   <rindolf>  mrout: eu.org is free DNS.
     <mrout>  ?
   <rindolf>  But I guess you get what you pay for sometimes.
   <rindolf>  mrout: it's not .eu (European union).
   <rindolf>  mrout: http://eu.org/
     <mrout>  that site’s odd
     <mrout>  what’s wrong with .eu
     <mrout>  shit a brick, they want a separate ccTLD for
              http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Martin_(France)
   <rindolf>  mrout: nothing is wrong with .eu - it's just that eu.org is
              something different.
   <rindolf>  eu.org predates .eu.
     <mrout>  ahh
     <mrout>  it annoys me that the US doesn’t use .us more
     <mrout>  and clutters .com
   <rindolf>  Well, there's also .gov, .net, .org...
   <rindolf>  .mil
   <rindolf>  .navy
     <mrout>  exactly
   <rindolf>  mrout: I also have http://shlom.in/
     <mrout>  it’s pretty americo-centric
   <rindolf>  Could not get http://shlom.fi/ because my domain registrar
              did not have it.
   <rindolf>  shlom.in is my own custom (and private) URL shortener.
   <rindolf>  Some overzealous spam filters blocked it.
   <rindolf>  Ah, domains.
   <rindolf>  The bread and butter of Internet conversations.
     <mrout>  lol
   <rindolf>  I know someone who has http://ali.as/
   <rindolf>  Well, from the Internet.
   <rindolf>  And there's also cr.yp.to which is Dan Bernstein.
   <rindolf>  DJB.
     <mrout>  domains, vim vs emacs and hello_there vs helloThere.
     <mrout>  cr.yp.to is cool
   <rindolf>  mrout: and tabs vs. spaces.
     <mrout>  but hard to type
     <mrout>  eugh
     <mrout>  cr.yp.to is hard to type
     <mrout>  spaces, vim, hello_there or HelloThere, but never
              helloThere.
   <rindolf>  Since I have http://perl-begin.org/ and want to create a
              site for Vim beginners, I should get a good domain.
   <rindolf>  vim.perl-begin.org or vim.shlomifish.org does not look good.
     <mrout>  vimschlomfish
     <mrout>  lol
     <mrout>  shlom
     <mrout>  vimshlomfish
     <mrout>  what about vim-begin.org?
   <rindolf>  mrout: maybe I'll get tech-begin.org
   <rindolf>  I think begin.org is already taken.
     <mrout>  yea
     <mrout>  by one of those shitty domain hoggers
   <rindolf>  Heh. begin.tel is available. \o/
     <mrout>  i’d love mil.es
   <rindolf>  Not that I want it.
     <mrout>  begin.tel?
     <mrout>  begintel?
     <mrout>  $17/yr for mil.es
     <mrout>  YES FUCK YES
   <rindolf>  OK, I registered begin-site.org and begin-site.com
   <rindolf>  On https://www.domainsite.com/ .
   <rindolf>  I figured most people won't "guess" begin-site.net... ;-)
     <mrout>  nice
   <rindolf>  So I'll have http://vim.begin-site.com/ and
              http://vim.begin-site.org/
     <mrout>  what about rindolf.com
     <mrout>  begin-site seems a bit clunky
   <rindolf>  mrout: rindolf is only my IRC nickname.
     <mrout>  still
   <rindolf>  mrout: and I already have www.shlomifish.org
   <rindolf>  mrout: I don't see why most people will STFW for "rindolf"
              or "shlomi fish" or whatever.
   <rindolf>  Most of the people come to my site using more generic
              searches.
   <rindolf>  https://duckduckgo.com/?q=fountainhead%20parody - first hit
              !
     <mrout>  STFW?
   <rindolf>  mrout: search the fab web.
   <rindolf>  Like RTFM.
   <rindolf>  Using Google, Duck Duck go, Bing or whatever.
     <mrout>  fucking web, I assume
   <rindolf>  mrout: true.
   <rindolf>  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Shlomif/Freecell_Solver -
              this was deleted because it was not notable enough.
              F****king deletionists.
     <mrout>  they deleted your user page?
   <rindolf>  mrout: no, only /wiki/Freecell_Solver
     <mrout>  oh
   <rindolf>  mrout: access the link - it's there.
   <rindolf>  Just not visible on default searches.
     <mrout>  “lacks references showing notability” you mean apart from
              the fact it’s the top google result for Freecell Solver?
              FUUUUU wikipedians
   <rindolf>  I restored it before it was deleted.
   <rindolf>  mrout:
              http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baker%27s_Dozen_%28solitaire%29
              - some people on #wikipedia (or #wikipedia-en) told me this
              may not be notable.
   <rindolf>  There are a zillion pages about it.
   <rindolf>  And Wikipedia covers almost any other Solitaire variant.
     <mrout>  lol, fucking wikipedia
   <rindolf>  Yes.
     <mrout>  articles about every steeple in Italy, but not about ever
              solitaire variant
     <mrout>  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baker%27s_Dozen_%28solitaire%29#Solvers
   <rindolf>  mrout: also about football players.
     <mrout>  your article should be restored
   <rindolf>  mrout: yes, maybe.
     <mrout>  I’d almost be convinced to do it myself
   <rindolf>  mrout: are you a wikipedian?
     <mrout>  sort of
     <mrout>  I have an account
   <rindolf>  mrout: well, I added the [[Freecell Solver]] link.
   <rindolf>  Hoping someone will fill it in.
   <rindolf>  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FreeCell#Solvers - there is a
              cursory mention of it there.
     <mrout>  mmm
   <rindolf>  mrout: this section was deleted previously because it was
              not "Encyclopedic enough."
   <rindolf>  mrout: that Wikipedian had tons of complaints against him on
              his user talk page.
   <rindolf>  mrout: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Christiansen - this
              used to be about the Perl developer (and co-author of
              several books).
   <rindolf>  Now it's about an olympic athelete.
   <rindolf>  Well, I added that page, and people enhanced it, but then it
              was deleted. :-(
     <mrout>  not even an olympic athelete
   <rindolf>  mrout: ah, yes, just world competition.
     <mrout>  didn’t even place
     <mrout>  compared to an author and developer of one of the most
              popular programming languages
     <mrout>  :/
   <rindolf>  Yes.
   <rindolf>  Oh well, Wikipedia.
   <rindolf>  The worst encyclopedia in the world except for all others.
 <galex-713>  ?
     <mrout>  hahaha
     <mrout>  yyeah
           *  galex-713 slaps mrout
 <galex-713>  Wikipedia is perfect!
           *  galex-713 hides
     <mrout>  hardly

    -- #gnu stuff
    -- #gnu, Freenode
%
  <rindolf>  Hi all.
  <rindolf>  FROGGS , moritz , hoelzro , Juerd : hello! What's new?
   <moritz>  everything with a new enough timestamp
   <FROGGS>  rindolf: nothing
  <rindolf>  moritz: heh.
   <FROGGS>  I assume rindolf doesnt meant -Inf :o)
 <timotimo>  moritz: feel like reviewing/merging
             https://github.com/rakudo/rakudo/pull/113 ? froggs and me
             both spectested it :)
          *  rindolf unleashes his inner Sarah Michelle Gellar to kiss
             moritz for his inventive avoidance of saying what he is up
             to.
  <rindolf>  FROGGS: I’m old enough to remember the invention of the
             Camel.
   <FROGGS>  rindolf: well, if you want to know what we are up to you may
             ask that
  <rindolf>  FROGGS: “When I was your age, Jennifer Lawrence was called
             Sarah Bernhardt”
  <rindolf>  FROGGS: moritz will always find a way to avoid it.
  <rindolf>  FROGGS: unless threatened.
  <rindolf>  FROGGS: or sweet talked.
   <FROGGS>  and today is my first day off, and on wednessday starts the
             german perl workshop, so still stuff to prepare
  <rindolf>  FROGGS: nice.
  <rindolf>  FROGGS: prepare hard! Enjoy hard! Rest hard!
  <rindolf>  Step 4: profit hard!
  <rindolf>  Step 5: retire hard!
 <timotimo>  Step 6: die hard!
  <rindolf>  timotimo: LOL.

    -- He who lives hard, dies harder
    -- #perl6, Freenode
%
I recall discussing Buffy with a Jewish American friend, who used to be
secular, and now has become an observant Jew, and married a woman who properly
converted to Orthodox Judaism, and they have some children. We discussed the
fact that Sarah Michelle Gellar was Jewish, and yet that many men (and some
Lesbian women) were more attracted to Alyson Hannigan’s character, Willow
Rosenberg, who was a shy and sheepish, redhead, Jewess. Then when I mentioned
that Hannigan was only a maternal Jew, he said she is “kosher” (because
someone whose mother is Jewish and who did not convert to a different
religion, is a bona-fide Jew). I found it amusing that you refer to women by
the same word as you do to food, but I think the ancient Hebrew word "kasher"
also means "approved", "appropriate", "legal", etc.

In any case, both Hannigan and Gellar are now married, and so trying to
separate between them and their husbands is not kosher. ;-)

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Post to the /r/buffy subreddit ( http://www.reddit.com/r/buffy/comments/1bpplm/joke_buffys_actresses_and_kosherness/ )
%
[There are three young men dressed as Klingons who fight with Bat’leth in the
park. Selina is passing by and shakes her head in disapproval. The three
notice Selina, and quickly run to her.]

Warrior #1: Hail The Slayer, we are but your humble slaves!

Selina: [Shocked] And who might you be?

Warrior #1: We are The Three - three vampire brother warriors, who have been
fighting since the dawn of time.

Selina: And you are Klingons…

Warrior #2: We can assume any form.

Warrior #1: Yes, we can fight using any weapon, and we are masters of them
all.

Selina: so you can fight with something that’s not a Bat’leth?

Warrior #1: Of course, for example, we could fight using the Huge Sword!

Warrior #2 and Warrior #3: Yeah, the Huge Sword!

The Three: [in unison] Huge Sword!

[Warrior #1 snaps his fingers, and some of these ridiculously large swords
from World of Warcraft appear on the ground.]

Selina: Wow, can you fight using them?

The Three: [non-dramatically] Eh, eh, we cannot lift them.

Selina: Guess not. [Puts her palm on her eyes.] Maybe try something smaller
and not as heavy.

Warrior #2: Yes, smaller.

Warrior #3: And not as heavy.

Warrior #1: You're not thinking about the smallest… yet deadliest weapon for a
mighty vampire warrior… the wooden toothpick!

[The three cry “yeah”. Warrior #1 snaps his fingers and the huge swords are
replaced by small wooden toothpicks.]

Selina: Toothpicks? Have you blokes been watching too much Sesame Street?

Warrior #1: Why, of course! Every mighty Klingon warrior has watched Sesame
Street.

Selina: Mighty Klingon vampire warriors who have watched Sesame Street… this
decade royally sucks!!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Selina Mandrake - The Slayer ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Selina-Mandrake/ )
%
The Israelites and the Philistines schedule a large battle. The Philistines
have far superior equipment with armours made out of cast iron, which the
Israelites don’t have. Eventually, Goliath, a tall Philistine giant, steps
forward and asks for an Israelite man worthy enough to fight him and determine
the fate of the battle (something which was quite common in the ancient Near
East). It seems the Israelites will lose the battle.

Out of nowhere, a young Israelite boy whom hardly anyone knew about steps
forward with a sling and a few pebbles. Goliath thinks this is ridiculous and
ridicules him. However, the boy quickly puts a pebble in his sling, and after
rotating the sling to achieve a very large velocity (not unusual with slings)
hurls the pebble with great accuracy (also not unthinkable, because shepherds
in the Near East effectively used slings to kill lions and other predators to
their flock) into Goliath’s face, which was uncovered to allow him to see.
Even if Goliath’s shield bearer wanted to, he could not lift the huge shield
in time, and Goliath was completely not agile in his suit and armour. The
sling’s rock smashes Goliath brain, and he falls to the ground dead. The
Israelites have won the battle.

That boy’s name was David.

Why is it important here? Because David was a “hacker”. Why was he a hacker?
Because he knew the rules, and played by them, but knew how to bend them, in
order to earn his victory. Hackers bend the rules.

And here’s the thing: this is what an action hero is all about: he makes his
own rules, or he even breaks them, and does not accept his fate. This is
whereas a tragic hero is bound by many invisible rules, and accepts his fate,
which is, almost certainly going to be death.

And in real life, you should also aim to be a hacker or an action hero, or the
many phrases it used to be called.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Summerschool at the NSA ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/ )
%
Worf: Commander Dax, I explicitly prohibit you from asking about Mr. Q’s roles
as a husband and a father.

Jadzia: You are right, Commander. I’ve realised something: throughout this
whole trip through the wonders of the Q continuum I’ve been far too selfish
and only thought about myself. I should have thought about you, too.

[She turns towards Avigayil]

Jadzia: Avigayil, could you, by any chance, allow us to meet Kahless the
Unforgettable in his living dead self, I’m sure Commander Worf here would love
to meet him.

Worf: Actually, Commander, I don’t think…

Jadzia: [Interrupting him] Oh, you don’t? That’s a shame. Well, I’ll go meet
him alone (always wanted to, you know). Worf, I think Kahless will be
disappointed not to meet you, but I’ll tell him you’re a big fan of his, and
I’ll let you watch the video of me meeting him and…

Worf: [Sighs] Commander Dax, you are impossible.

Fine, let’s go meet Kahless if that’s humanly possible.

Avigayil: Sounds good. The whole mission from Deep Space Nine can go with you,
I’ll notify Kahless. He’s a big fan of a lot of you.

Amanda: OK, let’s summon Katie and her gang of no-goodnicks too. She wouldn’t
want to miss it.

Quark: Yes, and it’s high time we merged the two sub-plots in the future
movie. “Too much of a good thing is a bad thing. But only for your customers”.
Rule of acquisition No. 172.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Star Trek: “We, the Living Dead” ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Star-Trek/We-the-Living-Dead/ )
%
       <abba>  it's thrax!
       <abba>  fuck, this place is quiet now
    <rindolf>  abba: SHOUT!! SHOUT!!! LET IT ALL OUT!!!!
    <rindolf>  These are the things I can do without.
       <abba>  COME ON!
 <thraxatron>  shh abba i'm observing
    <rindolf>  abba: I'm talking to you.
       <abba>  <3 tears for fears rindolf
 <thraxatron>  wasn't that a disturbed song
            *  abba facepalms
 <thraxatron>  i had that album
    <rindolf>  abba: :-)
       <abba>  sure, disturbed may have covered it
            *  rindolf is listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd - Sweet Home
               Alabama.
       <abba>  but that's like saying creep is your favorite Korn song
 <thraxatron>  it is though
       <abba>  :P
    <rindolf>  Kid Rock’s http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwIGZLjugKA (All
               Summer Long) is also good.
 <thraxatron>  also i really like 99 luft balloons
 <thraxatron>  by Goldfinger
       <abba>  Dancing queen by Wing
       <abba>  http://youtu.be/XqBWvmhS-AY
    <rindolf>  thraxatron: heh.
       <abba>  i have no idea why i listened to that whole thing, i'm
               never going to get that time of my life back
 <thraxatron>  holy shit all summer long is five years old
 <thraxatron>  what am i doing with my life
      <dean0>  beach boys title of the same is much older.... :(
      <dean0>  ...fortunately I'm not quite that old
            *  abba mourns for his youth
       <abba>  Me neither, but I did like the Beach Boys a lot as a child
      <dean0>  yah me too

    -- Do the song of life
    -- #reddit, Freenode
