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Nadav Har'El Signatures - Fortunes Cookies - Shlomi Fish's Collection

The "Nadav Har'El Signatures" Fortune Collection

Table of Contents

The Fortunes Themselves

"A mathematician is a device for turning

"A mathematician is a device for turning
coffee into theorems" -- P. Erdos

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

"A witty saying proves nothing." --

"A witty saying proves nothing." --
Voltaire

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

"Arguing with nyh just doesn't pay off."

"Arguing with nyh just doesn't pay off."
-- Muli Ben-Yehuda, Linux-il list

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

"Computers are useless. They can only

"Computers are useless. They can only
give you answers." -- Pablo Picasso

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

"Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a

"Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a
couple of mistakes."

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

"Do you want to restart Windows now or

"Do you want to restart Windows now or
wait for the next crash?"

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

"God is dead." - Nietzsche; "Nietzsche is

"God is dead." - Nietzsche; "Nietzsche is
dead" - God

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

"How could we possibly use sex to get

"How could we possibly use sex to get
what we want? Sex IS what we want!" Fraser

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

"I don't use drugs, my dreams are

"I don't use drugs, my dreams are
frightening enough." -- M. C. Escher

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

"I'll doublecross that bridge when I come

"I'll doublecross that bridge when I come
to it" (a politician about the future)

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

"Luck is when preparation meets

"Luck is when preparation meets
opportunity." - Richard Sherman

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

"Mommy! The garbage man is here!" "Well,

"Mommy! The garbage man is here!" "Well,
tell him we don't want any!"- Groucho Marx

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

"Never be afraid to tell the world who

"Never be afraid to tell the world who
you are." -- Anonymous

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

"Outlook not so good." Wow! That magic 8-

"Outlook not so good." Wow! That magic 8-
ball knows everything! So, what about IE?

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

"There is no system but GNU, and Linux is

"There is no system but GNU, and Linux is
one of its kernels" -- Richard Stallman

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

"[I'm] so full of action, my name should

"[I'm] so full of action, my name should
be a verb" -- Big Daddy Kane ("Raw", 1987)

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

(On the back of a VW Beetle) Don't honk,

(On the back of a VW Beetle) Don't honk,
I'm peddling as fast as I can.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

:(){ :|:&};: # DANGER: DO NOT run this,

:(){ :|:&};: # DANGER: DO NOT run this,
unless you REALLY know what you're doing!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of

A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of
those from?

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A Nobel Peace Prize? I would KILL for one

A Nobel Peace Prize? I would KILL for one
of those.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A bird in the hand is safer than one

A bird in the hand is safer than one
overhead.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A cat has claws ending its paws. A

A cat has claws ending its paws. A
sentence has a pause ending its clause.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A city is a large community where people

A city is a large community where people
are lonesome together.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A computer program does what you tell it

A computer program does what you tell it
to do, not what you want it to do.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A computer without Microsoft is like a

A computer without Microsoft is like a
chocolate cake without mustard.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A conclusion is simply the place where

A conclusion is simply the place where
you got tired of thinking.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A conscience does not prevent sin. It

A conscience does not prevent sin. It
only prevents you from enjoying it.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A diplomat thinks twice before saying

A diplomat thinks twice before saying
nothing.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A facility for quotation covers the

A facility for quotation covers the
absence of original thought.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A fanatic is one who can't change his

A fanatic is one who can't change his
mind and won't change the subject.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is
a fine for doing well.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A good programmer is someone who looks

A good programmer is someone who looks
both ways before crossing a one-way street.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A language is a dialect with an army.

A language is a dialect with an army.


	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A man is incomplete until he is married.

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A man with a watch knows what time it is.

A man with a watch knows what time it is.
A man with two watches is never sure.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A messy desk is a sign of a messy mind.

A messy desk is a sign of a messy mind.
An empty desk is a sign of an empty mind.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A professor is one who talks in someone

A professor is one who talks in someone
else's sleep.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A smart man always covers his ass. A wise

A smart man always covers his ass. A wise
man just keeps his pants on.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

A thing is not necessarily true because a

A thing is not necessarily true because a
man dies for it. - Oscar Wilde

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

AAAAA: the American Association for the

AAAAA: the American Association for the
Abolition of Abbreviations and Acronyms

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

AlGoreithm, n: Repeating a calculation

AlGoreithm, n: Repeating a calculation
until a prior desired result is produced.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Alarm clock: A device to wake people

Alarm clock: A device to wake people
without small kids.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

All those who believe in psychokinesis,

All those who believe in psychokinesis,
raise my hand.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Always borrow money from pessimists. They

Always borrow money from pessimists. They
don't expect to be paid back.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Always go to other people's funerals,

Always go to other people's funerals,
otherwise they won't come to yours.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Always keep your words soft and sweet,

Always keep your words soft and sweet,
just in case you have to eat them.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Always remember you're unique, just like

Always remember you're unique, just like
everyone else.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

An Apple a day, keeps Windows away.

An Apple a day, keeps Windows away.


	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. An

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. An
onion a day keeps everyone away!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

An egotist is a person of low taste, more

An egotist is a person of low taste, more
interested in himself than in me.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

An error? Impossible! My modem is error

An error? Impossible! My modem is error
correcting.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

And now for some feedback:

And now for some feedback:
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Anyone who quotes me in their sig is an

Anyone who quotes me in their sig is an
idiot. -- Rusty Russell's sig.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Are you still here? The message is over.

Are you still here? The message is over.
Shoo! Go away!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a

As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a
cat.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

As far as we know, our computer has never

As far as we know, our computer has never
had an undetected error.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Attention: There will be a rain dance

Attention: There will be a rain dance
Friday night, weather permitting.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Bank, n: a place that will lend you money

Bank, n: a place that will lend you money
if you can prove that you don't need it.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Bigamy: Having one wife too many.

Bigamy: Having one wife too many.
Monogamy: The same thing!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Birthdays are good for you - the more you

Birthdays are good for you - the more you
have the longer you live.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by
wood into which one pours money.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Bore, n.: A person who talks when you

Bore, n.: A person who talks when you
wish him to listen.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Bumper sticker on stealth bomber: "If you

Bumper sticker on stealth bomber: "If you
can read this, we wasted a lot of money!"

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Bureaucracy, n: A method for transforming

Bureaucracy, n: A method for transforming
energy into solid waste.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Business jargon is the art of saying

Business jargon is the art of saying
nothing while appearing to say a lot.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Cat rule #2: Bite the hand that won't

Cat rule #2: Bite the hand that won't
feed you fast enough.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get
eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Cats aren't clean, they're just covered

Cats aren't clean, they're just covered
with cat spit.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Cats know what we feel. They don't care,

Cats know what we feel. They don't care,
but they know.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Cement mixer collided with a prison van.

Cement mixer collided with a prison van.
Look out for sixteen hardened criminals.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Christopher Robin Hood steals from the

Christopher Robin Hood steals from the
rich and gives to the Pooh.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Cigarette: tobacco wrapped in paper, fire

Cigarette: tobacco wrapped in paper, fire
at one end, and a fool at the other.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Committee: A group of people that keeps

Committee: A group of people that keeps
minutes and wastes hours.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Communism is the equal distribution of

Communism is the equal distribution of
poverty.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Computers are like air conditioners. Both

Computers are like air conditioners. Both
stop working if you open windows.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Corduroy pillows - they're making

Corduroy pillows - they're making
headlines!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Creativity consists of coming up with

Creativity consists of coming up with
many ideas, not just that one great idea.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard
this bull before.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Despite the cost of living, have you

Despite the cost of living, have you
noticed how it remains so popular?

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Diplomat: A man who always remembers a

Diplomat: A man who always remembers a
woman's birthday but never her age.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed above

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed above
are not my own.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Does replacing myself with a shell-script

Does replacing myself with a shell-script
make me impressive or insignificant?

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be
replaced, you can't be promoted.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Drink varnish and you'll get a lovely

Drink varnish and you'll get a lovely
finish.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Early bird gets the worm, but the second

Early bird gets the worm, but the second
mouse gets the cheese.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Earth First! We can strip-mine the other

Earth First! We can strip-mine the other
planets later...

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with
battery.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Enjoy the new millennium; it might be

Enjoy the new millennium; it might be
your last.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Entropy: Not just a fad, it's the future!

Entropy: Not just a fad, it's the future!


	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter
since nobody listens.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Experience is what causes a person to

Experience is what causes a person to
make new mistakes instead of old ones.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Experience is what lets you recognize a

Experience is what lets you recognize a
mistake when you make it again.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Fame: when your name is in everything but

Fame: when your name is in everything but
the phone book.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

For people who like peace and quiet - a

For people who like peace and quiet - a
phoneless cord.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

From the Linux getopt(3) manpage: "BUGS:

From the Linux getopt(3) manpage: "BUGS:
This manpage is confusing."

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Give Yogi a rifle. Support your right to

Give Yogi a rifle. Support your right to
arm bears!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

God created the world out of nothing, but

God created the world out of nothing, but
the nothingness still shows through.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Guarantee: this email is 100% free of

Guarantee: this email is 100% free of
magnetic monopoles, or your money back!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Happiness isn't getting what you want,

Happiness isn't getting what you want,
it's wanting what you've got.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Hardware, n.: The parts of a computer

Hardware, n.: The parts of a computer
system that can be kicked.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Having a smoking section in a restaurant

Having a smoking section in a restaurant
is like having a peeing section in a pool

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

He who dies with the most toys is still

He who dies with the most toys is still
dead -- Citibank billboard, Manhattan 2001

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

He who has more is not happier than he

He who has more is not happier than he
who wants less.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Help Microsoft stamp out piracy. Give

Help Microsoft stamp out piracy. Give
Linux to a friend today!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to

Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to
apply.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Hi! I'm a signature virus! Copy me into

Hi! I'm a signature virus! Copy me into
your signature to help me spread!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Hindsight is always 20:20

Hindsight is always 20:20


	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Hospital: Where they wake you up to give

Hospital: Where they wake you up to give
you a sleeping pill.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Hospitality: Making your guests feel at

Hospitality: Making your guests feel at
home, even if you wish they were.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

How do you tell when a pineapple is ready

How do you tell when a pineapple is ready
to eat? It picks up its knife and fork

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

How long a minute depends on what side of

How long a minute depends on what side of
the bathroom door you're on.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if
a woodchuck would chuck wood?

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

How to become immortal: Read this

How to become immortal: Read this
signature tomorrow and follow its advice.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

How's he gonna read that magazine rolled

How's he gonna read that magazine rolled
up like that? What the ... - a fly.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I am logged in, therefore I am.

I am logged in, therefore I am.


	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I am the world's greatest authority on my

I am the world's greatest authority on my
own opinion.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I am thinking about a new signature. Stay

I am thinking about a new signature. Stay
tuned.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I before E except after C. We live in a

I before E except after C. We live in a
weird society!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I considered atheism but there weren't

I considered atheism but there weren't
enough holidays.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I couldn't afford a cool signature, so I

I couldn't afford a cool signature, so I
just got this one.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I couldn't think of an interesting

I couldn't think of an interesting
signature to put here... Maybe next time.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I don't eat snails. I prefer fast food.

I don't eat snails. I prefer fast food.


	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I don't live on the edge, but sometimes I

I don't live on the edge, but sometimes I
go there to visit.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy
every minute of it.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I had a lovely evening. Unfortunately,

I had a lovely evening. Unfortunately,
this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I have a great signature, but it won't

I have a great signature, but it won't
fit at the end of this message -- Fermat

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I have a watch cat! If someone breaks in,

I have a watch cat! If someone breaks in,
she'll watch.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I have an open mind - it's just closed

I have an open mind - it's just closed
for repairs.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I intend to live forever - so far, so

I intend to live forever - so far, so
good.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing
sound they make as they go by.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up.

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up.
Now I don't know what to feed it...

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I put a dollar in one of those change

I put a dollar in one of those change
machines. Nothing changed.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I started out with nothing... I still

I started out with nothing... I still
have most of it.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just
couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I used to work in a pickle factory, until

I used to work in a pickle factory, until
I got canned.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I want to be a human being, not a human

I want to be a human being, not a human
doing -- Scatman John

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I want to live forever or die in the

I want to live forever or die in the
attempt.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I work for money. If you want loyalty,

I work for money. If you want loyalty,
buy yourself a dog.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I would give my right arm to be

I would give my right arm to be
ambidextrous.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

I'm a peripheral visionary: I see into

I'm a peripheral visionary: I see into
the future, but mostly off to the sides.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

If God had intended us to be vegetarians,

If God had intended us to be vegetarians,
He wouldn't have made animals out of meat

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

If God is watching us, the least we can

If God is watching us, the least we can
do is be entertaining.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

If I am not for myself, who will be for

If I am not for myself, who will be for
me? If I am only for myself, who am I?

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing
this one?.... Abraham Lincoln

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

If Windows is the answer, you didn't

If Windows is the answer, you didn't
understand the question.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

If a million Shakespeares tried to write

If a million Shakespeares tried to write
together, they would write like a monkey.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving
is not for you.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

If con is the opposite of pro, is

If con is the opposite of pro, is
congress the opposite of progress?

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

If glory comes after death, I'm not in a

If glory comes after death, I'm not in a
hurry. (Latin proverb)

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

If marriage was illegal, only outlaws

If marriage was illegal, only outlaws
would have in-laws.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

If the universe is expanding, why can't I

If the universe is expanding, why can't I
find a parking space?

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it
turn?

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

If you drink, don't park; Accidents cause

If you drink, don't park; Accidents cause
people.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

If you lost your left arm, your right arm

If you lost your left arm, your right arm
would be left.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to

If you tell the truth, you don't have to
remember anything.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

If you're looking for a helping hand,

If you're looking for a helping hand,
look first at the end of your arm.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

In Fortran, God is real unless declared

In Fortran, God is real unless declared
an integer.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

In God we Trust -- all others must submit

In God we Trust -- all others must submit
an X.509 certificate.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

In case of emergency, this box may be

In case of emergency, this box may be
used as a quotation device.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated
by a mouse?

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

It is better to be thought a fool, then

It is better to be thought a fool, then
to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

It's fortunate I have bad luck - without

It's fortunate I have bad luck - without
it I would have no luck at all!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

It's hard to fly like an eagle when

It's hard to fly like an eagle when
you're surrounded by turkeys.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Jury: Twelve people who determine which

Jury: Twelve people who determine which
client has the better lawyer.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Just remember that if the world didn't

Just remember that if the world didn't
suck, we would all fall off.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Learn from mistakes of others; you won't

Learn from mistakes of others; you won't
live long enough to make them all yourself

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Life can only be understood backwards but

Life can only be understood backwards but
it must be lived forwards.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Life is what happens to you while you're

Life is what happens to you while you're
busy making other plans. - John Lennon

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Life's a bitch, but god forbid the bitch

Life's a bitch, but god forbid the bitch
divorce me -- Nas

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Linux *is* user-friendly. Not

Linux *is* user-friendly. Not
idiot-friendly, but user-friendly.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Linux is just like a wigwam: no Windows,

Linux is just like a wigwam: no Windows,
no Gates and an Apache inside.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Linux: Because rebooting is for adding

Linux: Because rebooting is for adding
new hardware.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Live as if you were to die tomorrow,

Live as if you were to die tomorrow,
learn as if you were to live forever.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Long periods of drought are always

Long periods of drought are always
followed by rain.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at
math.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Lumber Cartel member #2224.

Lumber Cartel member #2224.
http://lumbercartel.freeyellow.com/

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make

Make it idiot proof and someone will make
a better idiot.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Martin Luther King said "I have a dream",

Martin Luther King said "I have a dream",
not "I have a plan".

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

May you live as long as you want - and

May you live as long as you want - and
never want as long as you live.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Microchips: what's left at the bottom of

Microchips: what's left at the bottom of
the bag when it reaches you.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Ms Piggy's last words: "I'm pink,

Ms Piggy's last words: "I'm pink,
therefore I'm ham."

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

My greatest fear is that no-one will

My greatest fear is that no-one will
remember me after I'm dead - some dead guy

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

My password is my dog's name. His name is

My password is my dog's name. His name is
a#j!4@h, but I change it every month.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

My typos are intentional copyright traps.

My typos are intentional copyright traps.


	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

New! Divorcee Barbie! Comes with all the

New! Divorcee Barbie! Comes with all the
usual accessories, plus all of Ken's stuff

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Only dead fish go with the flow.

Only dead fish go with the flow.


	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Open your arms to change, but don't let

Open your arms to change, but don't let
go of your values.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Politics, n: from Greek, "poly"=many,

Politics, n: from Greek, "poly"=many,
"ticks"=blood sucking parasites.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Promises are like babies: fun to make,

Promises are like babies: fun to make,
but hell to deliver.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Quitters never win. Winners never quit.

Quitters never win. Winners never quit.
Idiots never win BUT STILL never quit.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Recursive, adj.: See Recursive

Recursive, adj.: See Recursive


	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Red meat is not bad for you: fuzzy green

Red meat is not bad for you: fuzzy green
meat is bad for you.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Seen on a sign outside a church: "This is

Seen on a sign outside a church: "This is
a C H _ _ C H ... what's missing?"

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Seen on the back of a dump truck:

Seen on the back of a dump truck:
<---PASSING SIDE . . . . . SUICIDE--->

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Share your knowledge. It's a way to

Share your knowledge. It's a way to
achieve immortality.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Shortening Year-2000 to Y2K was just the

Shortening Year-2000 to Y2K was just the
kind of thinking that caused that problem!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Sign above a shop selling burglar alarms:

Sign above a shop selling burglar alarms:
"For the man who has everything"

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Sign in pool: "Welcome to our OOL. Notice

Sign in pool: "Welcome to our OOL. Notice
there is no P, please keep it that way."

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Sign in zoo: Do not feed the animals. If

Sign in zoo: Do not feed the animals. If
you have food give it to the guard on duty

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Sign on a back of truck: "Overtakers

Sign on a back of truck: "Overtakers
beware, or you might meet the Undertaker"

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Sign seen in restaurant: We Reserve The

Sign seen in restaurant: We Reserve The
Right To Serve Refuse To Anyone!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Snowflakes are very fragile, but look

Snowflakes are very fragile, but look
what they can do when they stick together!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Software is like sex, it is better when

Software is like sex, it is better when
it's free -- Linus Torvalds

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Some people bring happiness wherever they

Some people bring happiness wherever they
go, others whenever they go.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Someone offered you a cute little quote

Someone offered you a cute little quote
for your signature? JUST SAY NO!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Sorry, but my karma just ran over your

Sorry, but my karma just ran over your
dogma.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Spelling mistakes left in for people who

Spelling mistakes left in for people who
feel the need to correct others.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Strike not only while the iron is hot,

Strike not only while the iron is hot,
make the iron hot by striking it.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Support bacteria - they're the only

Support bacteria - they're the only
culture some people have!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Tact is the art of making a point without

Tact is the art of making a point without
making an enemy.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Tact: The ability to describe others as

Tact: The ability to describe others as
they see themselves. - Abraham Lincoln

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.


	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Tea or coffee? Coffee, without cream. It

Tea or coffee? Coffee, without cream. It
will be without milk, we have no cream.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

The 3 stages of sex: Tri-weekly, try

The 3 stages of sex: Tri-weekly, try
weekly, try weakly.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

The fact that no one understands you

The fact that no one understands you
doesn't mean you're an artist.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

The human mind is like a parachute - it

The human mind is like a parachute - it
functions better when it is open.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

The knowledge that you are an idiot, is

The knowledge that you are an idiot, is
what distinguishes you from one.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

The meek shall inherit the Earth, for

The meek shall inherit the Earth, for
they are too timid to refuse it.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

The message above is just this

The message above is just this
signature's way of propagating itself.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

The path of least resistance is what

The path of least resistance is what
makes rivers and politicians crooked.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

The person who knows how to laugh at

The person who knows how to laugh at
himself will never cease to be amused.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

The road to good intentions is paved with

The road to good intentions is paved with
hell.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

The socks in my drawer are like

The socks in my drawer are like
snowflakes: No two are alike.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

The space between my ears was

The space between my ears was
intentionally left blank.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

The trouble with being punctual is that

The trouble with being punctual is that
nobody is there to appreciate it.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

The trouble with political jokes is they

The trouble with political jokes is they
get elected.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

The two most common elements in the

The two most common elements in the
universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

The two rules for success are: 1. Never

The two rules for success are: 1. Never
tell them everything you know.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

The world is coming to an end ... SAVE

The world is coming to an end ... SAVE
YOUR BUFFERS!!!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

There are 2 ways to do it - my way and

There are 2 ways to do it - my way and
the right way

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

This '|' is not a pipe.

This '|' is not a pipe.


	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

This box was intentionally left blank.

This box was intentionally left blank.


	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

This message contains 100% recycled

This message contains 100% recycled
characters.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

This signature was intentionally left

This signature was intentionally left
boring.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

This space is for sale - inquire inside.

This space is for sale - inquire inside.


	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Those are my principles. If you don't

Those are my principles. If you don't
like them, I have others.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Those who beat their swords into

Those who beat their swords into
plowshares will plow for those who don't.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Thousands of years ago, cats were

Thousands of years ago, cats were
worshipped as gods. They never forgot.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately

Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately
it kills all its students.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

To decide or not to decide, that is the

To decide or not to decide, that is the
question. Or is it?

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Today is the tomorrow you worried about

Today is the tomorrow you worried about
yesterday, and now you know why.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Topologist, n.: A person who cannot tell

Topologist, n.: A person who cannot tell
a doughnut from a coffee mug.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Tourist: Someone who goes 3,000 miles to

Tourist: Someone who goes 3,000 miles to
get a picture in front of his car.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Two wrongs may not may a right, but three

Two wrongs may not may a right, but three
rights make a left.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Unix is simple, but it takes a genius to

Unix is simple, but it takes a genius to
understand its simplicity.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Unix is user friendly - it's just picky

Unix is user friendly - it's just picky
about its friends.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Unlike Microsoft, a restaurant will not

Unlike Microsoft, a restaurant will not
ask me to pay for food with a bug in it!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

War doesn't determine who's right but

War doesn't determine who's right but
who's left.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Ways to Relieve Stress #10: Make up a

Ways to Relieve Stress #10: Make up a
language and ask people for directions.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

We aim to please, you aim too, please.

We aim to please, you aim too, please.
(sign in a gas station men's room)

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

We are Microsoft. You will be

We are Microsoft. You will be
assimilated. Resistance is futile.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

We could wipe out world hunger if we knew

We could wipe out world hunger if we knew
how to make AOL's Free CD's edible!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to
bare arms!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Welcome to the Church of the Holy

Welcome to the Church of the Holy
Cabbage. Lettuce pray...

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog
vendor? Make me one with everything.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

What's the difference between roast beef

What's the difference between roast beef
and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

What's the greatest world-wide use of

What's the greatest world-wide use of
cowhide? To hold cows together.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

What's tiny, yellow and very dangerous? A

What's tiny, yellow and very dangerous? A
canary with the super-user password.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

When everything's coming your way, you're

When everything's coming your way, you're
in the wrong lane.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

When you handle yourself, use your head;

When you handle yourself, use your head;
when you handle others, use your heart.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

When you lose, don't lose the lesson.


	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Why are you looking down here? The joke

Why are you looking down here? The joke
is above!

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Why aren't fishmongers generous? Their

Why aren't fishmongers generous? Their
business makes them selfish.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Why do doctors call what they do

Why do doctors call what they do
practice? Think about it.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Why do programmers mix up Christmas and

Why do programmers mix up Christmas and
Halloween? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Why do we drive on a parkway and park on

Why do we drive on a parkway and park on
a driveway?

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Willpower: The ability to eat only one

Willpower: The ability to eat only one
salted peanut.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Windows detected you moved your mouse.

Windows detected you moved your mouse.
Reboot for this change to take effect.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

Windows-2000/Professional isn't.

Windows-2000/Professional isn't.


	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

You do not need a parachute to skydive.

You do not need a parachute to skydive.
You only need one to skydive twice.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

You have the right to remain silent.

You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say will be used against you.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

You may only be one person to the world,

You may only be one person to the world,
but may also be the world to one person.

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

ech`echo xiun|tr nu oc|sed

ech`echo xiun|tr nu oc|sed
'sx\([sx]\)\([xoi]\)xo un\2\1 is xg'`ol

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.

echo '[q]sa[ln0=aln256%Pln256/snlbx]

echo '[q]sa[ln0=aln256%Pln256/snlbx]
sb3135071790101768542287578439snlbxq'|dc

	-- One of Nadav Har'El's Email Signatures.