Chuck Norris wrote a complete Perl 6 implementation in a day, but then destroyed all evidence with his bare hands, so no-one will know his secrets.

Chuck Norris refactors 10 million lines of Perl code before lunch.

Chuck Norris is his own boss. If you hire him, he'll tell your boss what to do.

Chuck Norris read the entire English Wikipedia in 24 hours. Twice.

( Actually, he wrote it in 24 hours. Twice. The first time longhand in blood. The second time he typed it in from memory (by Drew Roberts). )

Chuck Norris does not code; when he sits at a computer, it just does whatever he wants. (By: Kattana.)

Chuck Norris commits with a roundhouse kick into the SVN server's head.

Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes. (Su-Shee)

He corrects God. (Shlomi Fish)

Chuck Norris is the ghost author of the entire Debian GNU/Linux distribution. And he wrote it in 24 hours, while taking snack breaks.

Chuck Norris doesn't commit changes, the changes commit for him.

Bugs are too afraid to reproduce on Chuck Norris' computer. As a result, when he uses Microsoft Windows, it behaves just like a Linux system.

Chuck Norris is a real programmer. He writes programs by implementing the most optimised machines for them using real atoms.

Deletionists delete Wikipedia articles that they consider lame.

Chuck Norris deletes Deletionists whom he considers lame.

There are no deletionists. Only Wikipedia articles Chuck Norris allows to live. (By: joeyadams)

Wikipedia deletionists don't delete lame Wikipedia articles. Chuck Norris deletes lame Wikipedia articles.

No one knows all of Perl - not even Larry Wall. Except Chuck Norris, who knows all of Perl 5, Perl 6 and can answer questions about the design of Perl 7.

Chuck Norris reads all messages posted to LKML (= the Linux Kernel Mailing List), understands them all, and he kills all gnomes he sees in sight.

When Chuck Norris uses Gentoo, "emerge kde" finishes in under a minute. A computer cannot afford to keep Chuck waiting for too long.

Chuck Norris is the greatest man in history. He killed all the great men who could ever pose a competition.

"My only boss is God. And Chuck Norris who is his boss."

Chuck Norris can make the statement "This statement is false." a true one.

Chuck Norris can end world hunger, but he thinks that hungry people make humanity a more challenging adversary. If everyone had enough to eat, it would be too easy for him.

Chuck Norris can read Perl code that was RSA encrypted.

Chuck Norris once wrote a 10 million lines C++ program in Microsoft Notepad without having to use the backspace key. And it compiled without errors or warnings, and was 100% bug-free.

If the mountain will not come to Muhammad, then Muhammad will go to the mountain. If the mountain will not come to Chuck Norris, then the mountain will suffer Norris’s wrath for not complying with his whims.

Chuck Norris has 0 messages in his E-mail inbox. Including already read ones.

Chuck Norris was never a newbie! He will kill anyone who implies otherwise. In a very not newbie-like manner.

Only perl and Chuck Norris can parse Perl.

All Chuck Norris has to do is *look* at Perl code and it interprets itself out of fear and respect.

Chuck Norris taught God how to create the universe.

Chuck Norris is the reason why the Knights who until Recently Said “Ni”, are no longer saying “Ni”.

Chuck Norris is not afraid of superstitions. Superstitions are afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does expect the Spanish Inquisition.

The Spanish Inquisition does not expect Chuck Norris.

A wood chuck can’t chuck wood. Chuck Norris can chuck wood chucks.

If Chuck Norris asks you “What's up?” and you answer it literally, then he will club you senseless with all the volumes of the Oxford English Dictionary, and all the servers hosting en.wiktionary.org, to teach you a lesson.

Chuck Norris helps the gods that help themselves.

If Chuck Norris had been born before World War II, there would have been only one world war. However, there would have been three large-scale Chuck Norris massacres of Nazis and Communists.

If the mountain does not come to Muhammad, then Chuck Norris will bring the mountain over.

An apple a day will keep Chuck Norris away. But not for long.

Reality to be conquered must be obeyed. You’d better obey Chuck Norris or he’ll conquer you.

Chuck Norris had a problem so he decided to use regular expressions. Now, all the World’s problems are solved.

A is A and A is not not-A — unless Chuck Norris says so.

Chuck Norris can make East and West meet.

When Chuck Norris orders Pizza, it arrives before he presses the OK button.

Chuck Norris does not need to heat up food. The food is already warm right after he took it out of the fridge.

Chuck’s idea of a short walk is to the Andromeda Galaxy and back.

Chuck Norris hasn't taken these facts down yet, so they must be true.

For every A, Chuck Norris is both A and not-A. Chuck Norris is fucking everything.

Tomorrow never dies, unless Chuck Norris volunteers to take it out of its misery

God created the world in 6 days and rested on the 7th. Chuck Norris created the world in one day, and has been incrementally destroying it every day since, without rest.

Chuck Norris is always right. Even if he says that “A is not-A”, he would be right, because Logic is subject to his whims.

Chuck Norris does not own a dishwasher. His dishes know better than to become dirty.

The Angel of Death cannot keep up with Chuck Norris’s throughput of killing.

Computers are useless because they can only give you answers. Chuck Norris is not useless, because he knows the questions which these answers belong to.

Chuck Norris is Vito Corleone’s godfather.

Chuck Norris will kill everyone who has not read these factoids. Slowly and painfully.

Chuck Norris could have built the Roman Empire in a day. And it would have taken him even less time to destroy it.

Chuck Norris once counted all the real numbers on his fingers.

Only two things are infinite: the universe, and Chuck Norris’s destruction ability. And we cannot be sure about the former thanks to the latter.

Chuck Norris knows who John Galt is.

Chuck Norris won the Nobel Peace Prize. For making millions of people rest in peace.

When Chuck Norris uses git, he takes a coffee break after initiating every git commit. And then he waits for the commit to finish.

God is Chuck Norris, for extremely large values of God.

Chuck Norris can become root on OpenBSD. By using nothing but /bin/echo.

Chuck Norris is the reason why OpenBSD is called OpenBSD. They wanted to call it LockedDownBSD but couldn't find a way to keep Chuck Norris out!

For all you know, you may not exist, and Chuck Norris convinced you that you do.

Chuck Norris wrote an interpreter for a Turing-complete language using only NOPs.

Chuck Norris does not keep any numbers on his mobile phone’s address book. Instead, he memorised the entire phone directory.

When Chuck Norris drops a cat, it falls on its back so it won’t lose eye contact with Chuck.

Corollary: If Chuck Norris had dropped his toasts, they would have fallen on the dry side, so they would have stayed on his good side. But Chuck Norris never drops toasts.

Chuck Norris can solve MS Freecell deal No. 11,982. With Zero Freecells.

Chuck Norris once solved 100 million deals of Freecell in a minute. By hand.

After Chuck Norris said “I don’t believe in fairies.”, fairies have become extinct.

Chuck Norris caught the early bird before she caught the worm.

Chuck Norris can make one baby in a month using nine mothers.

Chuck Norris helps God help those that help themselves.

God ties Chuck Norris’ camel.

Chuck Norris can convince everyone that the colour of the bikeshed should be his favourite colour.

Chuck Norris finished building the bike-shed by the time people stopped arguing what its colour should be.

Chuck Norris’ E-mails are signed with “Sent using Chuck Norris’ brain (which he can also kill you using it).”.

When Chuck Norris receives an E-mail signed “Sent from my iPhone”, he makes sure that iPhone won’t be able to send any more E-mails — to Norris or otherwise.

Chuck Norris wrote a program in Python that was easier to understand after being encrypted with RSA.

When Chuck Norris disses your product, it’s not good publicity, even though you can bet he’ll get the name right.

Chuck Norris knows if you’re a dog on the Internet.

Chuck Norris was the 1,000,000,000th viewer of the Gangnam Style video on YouTube.

Chuck Norris used these facts to his advantage, making a huge comeback. He didn’t get mad — he got even!

Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch.

If Chuck Norris travelled to the market with his son and his donkey, he would have clubbed the critics to death. With the donkey.

Chuck Norris can construct any logical expression using only AND gates.

Chuck Norris can neither confirm nor deny that he was the Alpha Male. But he’ll kill you if you say he wasn't.

Chuck Norris does not boil up water. If he wants, his ice cubes boil water, instead of making it cooler.

Chuck Norris wrote the entire tvtropes.org wiki, so he can sleep with your significant other while you are distracted reading it.

Chuck Norris can edit Wikipedia super protected pages. Anonymously.

Reality to be commanded must be obeyed. Chuck Norris disobeyed reality, and now he commands it.

“Talk Like a Pirate Day” is the only day of the year when Chuck Norris only talks like a pirate, and does not actually act like one.

On Yom Kippur (= the Jewish Day of Atonement), Chuck Norris forgives God for his sins.

Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate holidays -- holidays celebrate Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris makes sure his ciphers are unbreakable by killing all the crypto experts that could possibly break them.

Chuck Norris’ ciphers were once broken. He responded by breaking those individuals.

Chuck Norris is watching Ceiling Cat masturbate.

Ceiling Cat became blind after watching Chuck Norris masturbate.

Chuck Norris grows money on trees.

Question: What is the difference between Chuck Norris and God?

Answer: Chuck Norris knows he isn’t God.

Too much of Chuck Norris is not a bad thing.

Chuck Norris killed the fat lady before she could sing.

“C is for Cookie” is not good enough for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can hear the sounds of silence.

Chuck Norris likes big butts and can lie.

Chuck Norris is ninety out of Jay-Z's 99 problems.

Ariana Grande has one less problem with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was able to truly appreciate Hamlet, before he read it in the original Klingon.

Chuck Norris ain’t Got Milk. He drinks the blood of his enemies.

Chuck Norris knows what the gender of Great A’Tuin, the Discworld world turtle, is.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have to get down on Friday.

The more money Chuck Norris comes across, the less problems he sees.

Shania Twain was much impressed by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is not going to miss Anna Kendrick when she’s gone.

Chuck Norris’s cat does not chase mice. It chases dogs.

Chuck Norris has 50 years of proven experience in PHP/MySQL/Java. Each.

Right Said Fred is not too sexy for Chuck Norris.

If a tree falls down in the middle of the forest, and there's nobody in its vicinity, it will still make a sound, because Chuck Norris can hear it.

Chuck Norris’s woodchuck can chuck wood.

Chuck Norris made the baby Jesus stop crying.

Chuck Norris killed the bottommost turtle.

Chuck Norris has conceived a master plan that does not involve building a time machine, and if you claim it isn’t good, you’ll be dead.

The reason the Messiah has not come yet, is because Chuck Norris keeps finding faults in God’s plan for his coming.

The cake was not a lie for Chuck Norris.

God is almighty, but Chuck Norris is almightier.

A rose by a name picked by Chuck Norris, will smell sweeter.

Chuck Norris saved Paradise in order to destroy it.

Chuck Norris does not care who the fuck Alice is.

The Zeroth Rule of Fight Club is that Chuck Norris can talk about Fight Club. No one tells Chuck Norris what not to do.

If you laugh, Chuck Norris will only laugh with you if the joke is funny.

The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force. The power of the Force is insignificant next to the wrath of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris created an O(1/N) algorithm.

The Klingon warriors’ motto is “It’s a good day to die.” Chuck Norris’s motto is “It’s a good day to kill.”

Chuck Norris does not believe in Astrology, despite the fact that he is a Pisces, and Pisces always believe in Astrology.

Chuck Norris gave Richard III a horse in exchange for his kingdom. Norris is now the king of England.

Chuck Norris knows exactly which thing is rotten in the kingdom of Denmark.

God signs people into the book of life using a pen that Chuck Norris gave him.

The only reason some jokes never die is because Chuck Norris is not interested in killing them.

The Knights Who Say “Ni” said “Ni” to Chuck Norris. They are now no longer The Knights Who Say “Ni”.

Everybody has their pet peeve. Except Chuck Norris. He can never become irritated. When somebody does something Chuck Norris disapproves of, he calmly kills them, and then goes on with the rest of his life.

The Blues Brothers are on a mission from God. God is on a mission from Chuck Norris.

The Starship Enterprise motto is going to change to “To boldly go where only Chuck Norris has gone before”.

Chuck Norris has an Erdős number of -1.

A skyscraper once jumped off Chuck Norris. It didn't survive.

Chuck Norris once jumped out of a plane, and the parachute did not open. So instead Chuck Norris opened and brought him and the parachute down safely.

Buddha has the Chuck Norris nature.

A Zen master once asked Chuck Norris if he had the Buddha nature. Norris proceeded by making sure the former master will lack any nature whatsoever.

Chuck Norris wrote solutions for all the problems of Project Euler, and they all run in under a minute. In total.

If Chuck Norris is disappointed by you not following his advice, he’ll survive. On the other hand, you will not.

Chuck Norris won't kill you for money. He also won't kill you for a shitload of money. However, he might opt to kill you as a free-of-charge service, knowing that ridding the world of scum like you, will pay him back in spades later on.

( Giving back. )

Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kicks are licensed under the public domain because no one besides him can duplicate them.

Chuck Norris will kill you just for the fun of kicking your Death's ass till it runs away, then beating your soul back into your corpse.

By e-neko under CC-by 2.0

Chuck Norris isn’t afraid to die. Death is afraid to be Chuck Norrissed.

Chuck Norris was challenged to fight the world, and accepted. He bet on himself, won, and collected the bet money.

Chuck Norris is not a full stack developer. He is an empty queue developer.

Chuck Norris killed all the members of the Spanish Inquisition, so they won’t come unexpectedly.

Chuck Norris actually died and became a badass undead zombie killer. He was actually easier to avoid while being alive.

If you do not like these factoids, Chuck Norris will still love you. However, it's not going to stop him from killing you, because he doesn't let his feelings get in the way of his day-to-day business.

Chuck Norris can destroy the world instantaneously. However, he prefers it to suffer from a long, slow, cruel, torture.

Captain Picard told Chuck Norris to "make it so". Chuck made it so much better.

Chuck Norris coerced God into giving him the source code of the universe, but then destroyed it because real programmers can alter binaries directly.

Right Said Fred is not too sexy for Chuck Norris. However, Chuck Norris is too sexy for Right Said Fred.

It is always a good day for Chuck Norris to kill those for whom it is a good day to die.

The starship Enterprise aims to boldly go where Chuck Norris hasn't been (and laid waste) to, yet.

If Chuck Norris tells you to jump off a bridge, you should. But naturally he won’t tell you to, and will roundhouse kick you off the bridge instead.

You can never truly appreciate Hamlet until you've read it in the original Klingon. Chuck Norris both wrote the original, and translated it to English.

In Soviet Russia, superstition believes in you.

In Soviet Russia, cats own you. No, wait! Cats own you everywhere.

In Soviet Russia, joke is tired of you.

In Soviet Russia, food tastes YOU!

In Soviet Russia, government is afraid of you!

In Soviet Russia, meme uses You!

In Soviet Russia, garbage collects you.

Buffy will always find a wooden stake to slay vampires, even if it means she will have travelled 100 years back in time, to plant a tree nearby.

Buffy Summers does not really need stakes to slay vampires, because her kisses are deadly for them. And that includes those that she blows in the air.

The Chuck Norris of the Buffyverse, has been secretly training under Buffy’s supervision, and so far — lost every battle with her.

Buffy is so hot, that you would totally love to fight her. And lose.

Buffy Summers is not afraid of demons. Demons are afraid of her. And for a very good reason.

Medusa’s gaze can turn people into stone. Buffy’s gaze can turn Medusa into stone.

Clarissa Darling can start from “I think therefore I am” and prove that the grass is green, that there are about 365 days in a year, and that Isaac Newton formulated the Law of Gravitation back in 1687.

Gödel’s Incompleteness Theorem is about to be replaced by the [Clarissa] Darling “Like, Totally!” Completeness Theorem.

Clarissa Darling will win over Chuck Norris in a battle of wits.

Playing Hermione in the Harry Potter films was a dirty job, but Emma Watson got a shitload of money and worldwide recognition for doing it.

Emma Watson is not acting in films for money. She is acting in films for a shitload of money.

If the miller had travelled to the market with Emma, they would have each rode their own donkey. Problem solved.

Emma Watson is not perfect, but she's really good at hiding her imperfections.

Emma Watson may not look too menacing with a wand in her hand. Until she uses it with great accuracy to poke both your eyes out.

If the mountain does not come to Emma Watson, she won’t bother visiting it. It would be the mountain’s loss, really.

Emma Watson does not have 10 years of experience in developing Enterprise Java software. However, she has over 10 years of experience in getting shit done - well, on schedule, and at a reasonable cost.

Fluttershy immediately stops crying when Emma Watson comes to visit her.

Emma Watson and you would make the best children. She'll provide the talent, good looks, and brains, while you provide the sperm. (Via Connor Pollock.)

It might seem preposterous to believe Emma Watson is the new Arnold Schwarzenegger, just because they were both Hollywood's best paid actors, and you would be right. Emma Watson is not the new Arnold Schwarzenegger.

But Arnold Schwarzenegger will forever be remembered as the old EMMA FUCKIN' WATSON!

You may have thought fan idolisation such as this one has destroyed Emma Watson's career. But a sexy actress (or actor) like her would have been "doomed" in the professional Hollywood no matter what. Instead, Emma now is actually relieved, and uses her earlier reputation to become a happier, sexier, and much more productive, amateur actress, who plays in roles she considers attractive no matter how unlike her traditional Hollywood image. She has enough self control to be pleasant and friendly most of the times, but if you're stretching her patience, she will get a little mad and you'll be surprised how insanely violent she can be.

Her opinions about Hollywood who gave her worse and worse treatment, not despite the fact, but because they paid her, can be unprintable if you like her to go that far, though she can easily be "scientific" and controlled about that too.

Hollywood will either switch to the amateur model - or implode with or without her help and the world will be a much better, happier, productive, and even more profitable, place.

Emma Watson played Hermione in the Harry Potter films, but she doesn’t need a wand to kick your ass.

“I can spell ‘Emma Watson’ easily enough, but how the hell do I spell ‘Kira Nightly’?”

“When I was your age, Emma Watson was called ‘Sarah Bernhardt’!”

“Whoa, dude! How old are you?”

If Emma Watson and Arnold Schwarzenegger were locked in a room alone, only Emma would come out alive. After she would break the door open.

Emma Watson never fights against men. It wouldn't be fair to them.

The safest world possible would be the one with only Emma Watson and you alive in it. Everybody else are just fluff.

Emma Watson will get out of bed for less than 200,000 USD per day. That is because she always gets out of bed, to seize the day, even if it is an idle one.

(Reference)

Emma Watson thinks men can be smarter than you would have thought.

When Emma Watson makes love to her significant other, they are both satisfied after the first kiss. But they carry on.

Emma Watson played Hermione in the Harry Potter films, but she doesn’t need a wand to kick your ass. On the other hand, when equipped with a wand, she'll be able to tear you down to small shreds.

Painfully!

When Emma Watson relocated to Tel Aviv, she didn't make aliyah to Israel. Israel made aliyah to her.

• Larry Wall can understand the Perl code he wrote last year.
• Larry Wall gets the colon.
• There are at least 137 Larry Walls in the U.S. but only one that matters.
• Larry Wall applies a patch manually quicker than GNU patch.
• Larry Wall dreams in Perl.
• Larry Wall can program in his sleep.
• Larry Wall is lazy, impatient and full of hubris.
• Larry Wall has more dollars in the bank than in his Perl code.

-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish

• Larry Wall does know all of Perl. However, he pretends to be wrong or misinformed, so people will think he's not as awesome as he really is.
• Larry Wall's pure-Perl code is faster than Assembly.
• Larry Wall has been changing the world. By modifying its very source code.

-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish

• Larry Wall can make shit up, and the computer will understand what he means.

-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish

Larry Wall can understand the Perl code he wrote last year.

Larry Wall gets the colon.

There are at least 137 Larry Walls in the U.S. but only one that matters.

Larry Wall applies a patch manually quicker than GNU patch.

Larry Wall dreams in Perl.

Larry Wall can program in his sleep.

Larry Wall is lazy, impatient and full of hubris.

Larry Wall has more dollars in the bank than in his Perl code.

Larry Wall does know all of Perl. However, he pretends to be wrong or misinformed, so people will think he's not as awesome as he really is.

Larry Wall's pure-Perl code is faster than Assembly.

Larry Wall has been changing the world. By modifying its very source code.

The NSA don’t publish. They perish.

The NSA employs the largest number of mathematicians with Ph.Ds. And the most stupid and incompetent ones.

The NSA has a patent for an efficient process for collecting a lot of information and doing nothing with it.

The Bajoran scholars have positively identified Benjamin Sisko as The Emissary. They also positively identified the NSA headquarters as The Dungeon.

One of Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s episodes took place in the NSA headquarters, but had to be destroyed, because all of the test audience had uncontrollable panic attacks.

The NSA knows what you did last summer. But no one, in the NSA or outside it, knows why they should.

With the NSA’s budget you would expect evil to be extinct by now. (By Kika).

Think of the most incompetent organisation possible. The NSA would be even more incompetent than that.

The NSA headquarters are the unhappiest place on Earth.

Yogurt: “Never overestimate the power of the NSA.”

First the NSA ignores “silly” Internet memes, then they laugh at them, then they are unable to fight them, and then they lose.

The NSA is an intelligence agency which thinks it can use Artificial Ultra-Stupidity (AUS) to wade through tons of irrelevant information and reach genuine understanding.

Your next job after one in @NSACareers, will be as a dead corpse in a coffin, 6 feet underground, or as a patient in a psychiatric ward.

Hackers bend the rules, so the NSA hates them. Instead, the NSA accumulates rules, observes them, and accepts their fate: death.

Don’t worry about what the NSA knows about you. They don’t tell anything they know to anyone.

No one in their right mind will want to work for the NSA. Fortunately for the NSA, and unfortunately for us, some people are not in their right mind.

Not only are the NSA agents afraid of their own shadow, but whenever they see any shadow whatsoever, they have to do a saving throw and if they roll a 1, they get a deadly heart attack.

The NSA's intensive care unit is very busy.

Chuck Norris can only convince you that you're deceased. Summer Glau can also convince you that you're alive, which is much harder.

Summer Glau can hold and use a gun in each hand. There's no way that Jennifer Lawrence can hold and use a bow in each hand.

Summer Glau does not have to hurt you if she doesn't want to . Chuck Norris kills everyone in sight.

Summer Glau has better ways to make a difference than by being violent.

It takes Summer Glau exactly a minute to write a rebuttal like in xkcd: “Venting”, and she would sign it as Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris ability to destroy is only matched (and exceeded) by Summer Glau’s ability to undo his destruction.

Whatever Chuck Norris taketh, Summer Glau giveth back.

Summer Glau can lead a horse to water, and then it will drink out of its own volition.

Chuck Norris was the 1,000,000,000th viewer of the Gangnam Style video on YouTube. Summer Glau was the preceding 100 million views.

Summer Glau can restore the people that Chuck killed, back to life.

Summer Glau can give you the Hug of Death, but you’ll die happy.

When it comes to terminators, you have a better shot at Arnold Schwarzenegger than at Summer Glau. (By inspiration from the Big Bang Theory episode with Glau as herself.)

Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch. Summer Glau has exactly 98 problems.

Chuck Norris can construct any logical expression using only AND gates. Summer Glau can replace Chuck with a very small AND gate.

Who would win in a fight? Charlemagne, Charles Dickens, Charles Darwin or Carlos "Chuck" Norris? If Summer Glau was the arbiter, she would just kill all of them and declare herself the winner.

Chuck Norris round house kicks doors open instead of using their keys. Summer Glau makes sure doors are open using her mind.

Chuck Norris reinvented a better wheel. Summer Glau reinvented a better Chuck Norris.

Summer Glau just works here. She teaches Chuck Norris how to perform his chores in the best possible manner.

Summer Glau has a magic mirror in her room which she asks every day "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the awesomest of them all?" and if the mirror tells her something else, she destroys it for daring to lie to her.

She’s still using the first mirror.

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff and his deputy. Summer Glau became the new sheriff and shot Chuck Norris.

Summer Glau can kill you with her mind. But she’ll never need to or will.

Chuck Norris does expect the Spanish Inquisition. But he doesn’t expect Summer Glau.

When wishing to comment on a WordPress blog, Summer Glau finds a new zero-day WordPress SQL injection exploit, and uses it to insert the comment into the database directly, because it's more reliable than using the comment box.

On “Talk Like a Pirate Day”, ye be sailin’ across the great seas to seek the shore of Summer Glows and Summer Glaus. Arrrr!

Chuck Norris once refactored a 10 million lines C++ program and was done by lunch time. It then took Summer Glau 5 minutes to write the equivalent Perl 10-liner.

Summer Glau showed Kermit the Frog how easy it can be to be green.

By the time Chuck Norris found out who John Galt is, Summer Glau already had sex with him.

Summer Glau gave Richard III a horse free-of-charge and let him keep his kingdom for himself.

Summer Glau can get more with a kind word alone than Al Capone could with a kind word and a gun.

“I don't want to mess with Summer Glau, but I'll let her mess with me every day!”

Summer Glau can kill everyone else using her mind, and start a superior race. However, she finds inferior humans to be mildly entertaining and challenging.

If Chuck Norris were to screw hot babes (ex. Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Garner, Jennifer Aniston, and Paris Hilton.) I can assure you that their acting careers will no longer prosper due to the fact that they will spend the rest of their lives in wheelchairs.

On the other hand, if he tried to “screw” Summer Glau, he'd be the one in the wheelchair.

Nobody dies except for the enemies of Summer Glau. But luckily she considers everyone her friend.

( Thanks to mst. )

Chuck Norris has 99 problems including a bitch. Summer Glau has exactly 98 problems. And Chuck ain't one of them.

You can look at Summer Glau, but you’d better not touch…if you know what’s good for you.

Chuck Norris knows what the last digit of Pi is. Summer Glau has memorised all the preceding digits.

If you break up with Summer Glau, you will likely survive. However, be certain to have signed your will in advance, to be sure.

If Apple ever tried to sue Taylor Swift for trademark violations of Apple Swift, they will spend all their money on litigation, and still lose. This will make many lawyers richer, and the world a better place.

You might think Taylor Swift is not crazy enough to go after Apple for violating her trademark, but you'd be wrong. She is far more crazy than that. But she just doesn't give a damn.

Taylor Swift can go and destroy the White House. She and what army? Why, she and no army.

You're unlikely to see a YouTube feature "Why people stopped listening to Taylor Swift's songs any more?"

You may need to google Jennifer Lawrence but you likely know who Taylor Swift is already.

If you meet Taylor Swift on the street, have a pleasant conversation with her, and you need some money and ask her, she'll tell you: “Sure! I don't use Bitcoin because I value my time, energy and happiness too much - and those of the world's! But I've got $1,000 and $100 bills, and have a credit card if you need less. I can use PayPal on my smartphone, or SWIFT.

“So…” she'll add, “…how much money do you want?”

“How much is too much?”

“Oh, try me!”

No one is crazy enough to go after Taylor Swift because they know she is much more crazy than them.

If you ask Taylor Swift "What is the square root of 18.678?", she will answer "Why the hell does it matter?".

Taylor Swift will not even consider learning and writing Enterprise Java code, even for free, because it will be a grand waste of time. She can learn python and possibly perl fairly easily (assuming she hasn't already) but she'll always use search engines and Stackoverflow / StackExchange / etc. a lot.

Taylor Swift is an unapologetic attention whore, who will spend large amounts of money, or even time, on activities that will make her more famous or better regarded.

Taylor Swift is not the new Madonna. She is the new Socrates.

Windows Update doesn’t.

Aesop originally wanted to write his fable as “The Hare and Windows Update” instead of “The Hare and the Tortoise” but could not figure out how the hare will ever lose to Windows Update, even despite him not taking the race seriously.

By the time it takes Windows Update to download a 22 MB update without installing it, Mageia Linux’s urpmi was already able to download and install a game whose package is 900 MB (and there was still a lot of time to spare).

Only three things are infinite: the universe, human stupidity, and the amount of patience that Windows Update requires.

Windows Update does not take forever to finish updating your computer. It takes at least forever and two weeks.

Ten measures of slowness went down to the world. Windows Update required at least eleven, so more had to be provided.

The Windows Update developers are going to burn in hell for the combined time it took it to install updates on the users' computers.

Windows Update is called this way because by the time it finishes, the date has gone up.

The heat death of the universe is best approximated as half the time it would have taken Windows Update to install a year’s worth of updates.

If the Hare in the "Tortoise and the Hare" was pitted against Windows Update, he could have taken a two weeks-long vacation in the Caribbean and still win.

What Intel gives, Microsoft taketh, and Windows Update holds hostage.

Xena can meet King David for breakfast and Julius Caesar for lunch. Without time travel.

Xena beat a Goliath that was taller, and more agile than the one in the Bible. It’s not only Hollywood exaggeration.

No one calls Xena the warrior princess “Zeena” to her face and survives. Luckily for you she hasn’t visited modern-day U.S. yet.

Xena can throw a boomerang-like weapon thingy in the opposite direction and it will still hit the mark while neutralising 10 of her enemies.

Xena the Warrior Princess has not met Chuck Norris yet, or otherwise he would have been badly and permanently injured. (Inspired by ZadYree.)

XSLT is the worst thing since non-sliced bread.

Mothers used to tell their children stories about XSLT to scare them.

XSLT is the number one cause of programmers' suicides since Visual Basic 1.0.

The X in XSLT stands for eXtermination.

The only things worse than XSLT are Excel and Sugar-Less Tea (XSLT).

XSLT is what Chuck Norris has nightmares of.

Confucius says: "XSLT made me realise humanity was hopeless.".

Even APL won't make friends with XSLT.

God considered using XSLT as the tenth plague of Egypt, but then thought it was too evil.

In Soviet Russia, XSLT codes you. Badly!

Satan condemned Hitler for a million years of writing XSLT.

The KGB used to torture their victims by having them look at scrolling XSLT code.

"My name is Inigo Montoya. You forced my father to write XSLT. Prepare to die! And be thankful I don't force you to write XSLT."

Stray XSLT code causes more deaths than road accidents.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evil redirects to XSLT.

We have nothing to fear but fear itself. Fear has nothing to fear but XSLT.

The devil created a 10th circle of hell for the inventors of XSLT, because the first nine circles were too mild for them.

XSLT isn't like violence. XSLT is violence - there is no such thing as using it too little.