Shlomi Fish’s Stories


Here you can read novellas and screenplays that I have written, which are mostly humorous in part or in whole (but to quote Peter Ustinov, “Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious”). I have many much shorter works in the main section, including quotes, aphorisms, and factoids.

Note: many of my stories are not too realistic, and aim to reflect a better and more idealistic reality than the one many people would perceive. This is in part because, I am an idealist, and plan to remain so (and my idealism is dynamic and constantly changes), and wish that my words and deeds will carry reality forward instead of preserving the status quo.

List of Stories

The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight it

A member of the terrorist organisation “The Organisation” gets up in the morning, goes to his post, and quits. But before he leaves, he makes a suggestion that makes his former comrades fight each other to death. Join the now ex‐Member of the Organisation as he embarks on an ego trip, where he tries to prove that A can in fact be not‐A, whether or not Aristotle would agree.

A political satire about the situation that prevailed in the Israeli-Lebanese border. Lots of exits about mathematical logic, and a general critique of the irrationality guiding political bodies.

The One with the Fountainhead

A parody of Ayn Rand’s novel, The Fountainhead, modelled around a two part episode of the Television sitcom show Friends. Somewhat unhappy with the original book, the six friends in the show role-play their own version of The Fountainhead, while trying to improve upon it. Will they succeed?

What was the photo of the Parthenon replaced with?
Why was Chandler happy to play Peter Keating?
Which element is featured in every second-rate romantic novel?
Which piece of advice did Toohey give Dominique Francon?
Why did cruising with Gail Wynand turn out to be a bad idea?
And who were the bad guys in the story?

Read the screenplays to find out.

The Human Hacking Field Guide

Jennifer is a trendy and popular high school senior who is living and studying in the vicinity of Los Angeles. Her best friend, Taylor, convinces her to try to become a developer of open source software. He puts her under the tutorship of a different friend of his, the female open source contributor Eve, who prefers to be called “Erisa”, and who is a self-conscious and rebelling punk, with whom Jennifer finds it hard to deal. Jennifer remains determined to learn how to become an open source developer from Erisa, but there are some surprises along the road.

Star Trek: We the Living Dead

In this fan episode of the Television show Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, we discover the true essence of the Q Continuum, and meet some “living dead”: conscious beings (including humans) who reportedly died, but actually were saved and still live a prosperous life some place else in the universe, as well as “vampires”: individuals who never died and have instead remained alive since they were born.

A Star Trek episode to end all Star Trek episodes, (and, more generally - story to end all stories).

Selina Mandrake - The Slayer (Buffy Parody)

A geeky Anglo-American girl in her high school senior year in 2011 California, finds out that she is none other than The Slayer, a legendary heroine who is destined to slay many notable vampires and demons, culminating in none other than The Master, the vampire with the oldest soul. See how she manages to do so, despite being completely non-violent, and even supportive of the demons she encounters.

This screenplay, a parody and reflection on Buffy the Vampire Slayer (both the movie and the show) and inspired by many other sources, is still under work, but is already in a usable state.

Summerschool at the NSA - A Screenplay

The Hollywood actresses Sarah Michelle Gellar (of Buffy fame) and Summer Glau (of xkcd notability) conspire to kick the ass of the NSA (= the United States government’s National Security Agency), while using special warfare that is completely non-violent and non-destructive. Two attractive, intelligent, and resourceful women against a large, inefficient, federal government organisation whose estimated annual budget is several times their combined worth. Does the NSA actually stand a chance?

This screenplay is surrealistic realism and takes place in April 2013. Very farfetched, but could happen.

I see it as a reflection and a modernisation of Ayn Rand’s novel Atlas Shrugged

Buffy: a Few Good Slayers - A Screenplay

The Demonic underworld is held under tight control in a forked version of the Buffy universe where the Scooby Gang all ended up happier and more powerful, and men and women have equal opportunities when it comes to fighting Demons. A new class of tenth grade (sophomore) students start the three year demon fighting program in the scholastic year of 2014/2015 in Sunnydale High School, while the older Scooby Gang, who are their teachers and mentors, have to deal with the usual set of problems that come with being teachers, parents, spouses and adults.

The Muppets’ Show - The New Incarnation

A new incarnation of The Muppets’ show. Each show will cover a theme such as Harry Potter, or Summer Glau & Chuck Norris as ruthless Grammar Nazis.

“So, who the Hell is Qoheleth?”

Josephus was a budding philosopher of Jewish descent in Damascus of Hellenistic times, when he took a bet that he could produce a decent work of philosophy, and wrote the Biblical scroll of Ecclesiastes. Soon after that, he became the most notorious celebrity in his town, made a moderate fortune from donations of enthusiastic fans of the scroll, and became annoyed by the fact that he has become the object of affection of nearly every single young female in his town.

However, nothing could prepare Josephus to the day he ran into a trio of female Celtic travellers, who provide him with many questions, including the million dollar question, “Who is the Qoheleth (Now)?”.

This is an illustrated screenplay inspired by the #SummerNSA effort and set in a time of great confusion — not unlike our own.


Humanity is a screenplay for a movie that aims to be a parody about humanity and modern life in particular. It tells the story of a day in the life of a Semitic city in Canaan circa the year 500 B.C. Each scene is dedicated to one of the city’s elements: The Cathedral (OK - an altar with a priest), the Bazaar, the Well, the Wall, etc.

The Earth Angel

A novella titled “The Earth Angel” in which a colloquial Black man in 2013 Los Angeles teaches a copyrights attorney all about life.

It seems that I found writing most of this redundant, due to Summerschool at the NSA and later Buffy: A Few Good Slayers, but I’m keeping what I have written so far of it for posterity in its preliminary state.

The Blue Rabbit Log

Screenplays for a series of crazy comedy films parodying Fantasy Role-Playing Games. Join the band of the player characters called “The Blue Rabbit Adventuring Company”, as they journey in the imaginary role-playing world, and their struggles and encounters with monsters, the non-player characters, their players, and... the Game Master! (Muahahahahaha).

Work in progress.

The Pope Died on Sunday

Rachel Southern, an American graphic artist who lives and works in Milwaukee, did not expect the week following the death of the Roman Catholic Pope to be particularly notable for her, but boy was she wrong!

From meeting a guy she really liked, to her best friend almost ruining a date with him, to her family coming to visit, to helping organise a “fashion-play”, to pondering the answer to the question of Life, the Universe, and Everything — Rachel’s week proved to be one of the most hectic in her life.

This story is still incomplete, and only a relatively small part of it has been written.