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Neo-Tech Advantage #47

Honesty is not automatic. It always requires explicit, conscious effort. Being honest is hard work...very hard work. If, in difficult emotional situations, one is not aware of the concentrated effort required to be honest, that person is probably not being fully honest. At that point, he or she can easily plug into effortless mysticism. For with mysticism, a person can automatically rationalize out-of-context scenarios to avoid the effort required to understand reality and solve one's own problems.

Developing the skills for being honest is neither automatic nor easy. Honesty requires high-effort concentration, discipline, and awareness. Because of the constant effort required to be honest, many people default to mysticism and thus lose the essential tool for solving problems -- the tool for achieving prosperity, power, and happiness. That tool is honesty. ...Many people never grasp or experience integrated honesty.

Fully integrated honesty evolves from the efforts required to be consistently honest. By contrast, mystical dishonesty evolves from self-deceptions and defaults -- from a self-chosen laziness that relegates honesty to a low priority, especially when feelings are involved. ...With mysticism, honesty becomes arbitrary.

A commitment to honesty with one's romantic-love partner is essential for achieving psychuous pleasures. In an open relationship, each partner is free to follow those actions self-judged best for his or her own rational well-being. Each must also be equally free to make and correct his or her own errors. Both must strive to meet their individual needs for growth. Both must accept the fact that neither has any physical or psychological ownership over the other. With the freedom and self-responsibility to guide one's own life, each partner develops an ever-growing accumulation of strengths. Those new strengths allow each to continually feed fresh love and enriching values to the other.

With each partner feeding new strength and values into the relationship, each benefits from the other's unique experiences. With such constant values coming from free and independent sources, the excitement between partners can grow continuously, often by large leaps, toward increased psychuous pleasures and abiding happiness. With this never-ending, spiraling growth, each partner becomes increasingly valuable to the other. Thus, fewer and fewer circumstances could threaten or replace such a romantic-love relationship.

Like money in the bank, newly added values accumulate with interest. And with time, the strength of such value-built relationships becomes so great that no outside force, no matter how valuable or appealing, could compete. ...Such self-built continually added strengths and competitive values offer the only genuine security for any romantic-love relationship.

By contrast, sexual affairs hidden from one's love partner are deceptive and, therefore, dishonest and destructive. Moreover, such affairs are usually too restricted by their secrecy to deliver continuously growing values. ...Honesty and rationality are the foundations of psychuous pleasures and romantic love.

Honest disputes without physical aggression or psychological injury can be valuable. Verbal disputes can cut through emotional blocks to release repressed feelings and foster communication. But undisciplined let-it-all-hang-out anger and negativity are immature, unhelpful, destructive forms of mysticism. Also, disputes become destructively dishonest when one or both partners silently save up the "worst" faults or problems of the other in order to use them later as manipulative weapons. ...Saving up faults is a dishonest, immature tactic used to manipulate, damage, or end relationships.

Within a romantic-love relationship, the problems that do arise provide opportunities to discover new strengths and values for richer love and pleasures. Even if certain problems seem unresolvable, they can be mutually understood if discussed honestly. And the more explicitly problems are understood, the more satisfying will be their resolutions. Moreover, with sufficient information and honest efforts, all disagreements can eventually be resolved without compromises by either partner.

An efficient approach for resolving conflicts is to reduce the disputed differences to writing and then find the common premises always revealed by self-honesty [Re: Communication Map in Tables 26a and 26b, Neo-Tech Reference Encyclopedia]. Explicitly breaking down problems into communication maps usually generates happy agreements. Even if a problem cannot be completely resolved, the honest communication will (a) draw each partner closer, and (b) develop greater competence in solving future problems. [Re: Table 26b, Neo-Tech Reference Encyclopedia]

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