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Neo-Tech Advantage #49
THE INJUSTICE OF JEALOUSY
GT JEALOUSY VS. BT JEALOUSY
Neo-Tech identifies two types of sexual jealousy: good-thought (GT) and bad-thought (BT).[ 17 ] Both types are based on the erroneous assumption that one has a claim on his or her love-partner's life, especially that person's sex life.[ 18 ] The feelings of jealousy arise when the unreal presumption of possessing one's partner seems challenged. GT jealousy is characterized by the retention of basically good thoughts about one's partner, even when pain or anger is generated. Most people can experience various degrees of GT jealousy about their love partners. GT jealousy does not always mean the jealous-reacting partner is insecure or possessive, especially if the jealousy is experienced only as a passing feeling. GT jealousy, even if severely painful, rarely inflicts deep or permanent damage on either partner or the relationship.
Likewise, GT jealousy seldom cuts deeply into the emotions because positive feelings about one's partner dominate the underlying emotions.
BT jealousy, on the other hand, is a destructive, mystical reaction that conjures up, often out of nothing, unjust bad thoughts about one's partner. Those bad thoughts are often well concealed, but insidiously destructive to the emotions of both partners. In contrast to GT jealousy in which good thoughts are retained about one's partner, BT or bad-thought jealousy prevents the jealous partner from knowing, accepting, remembering, or believing the values in the victim partner. Instead, unreal bitterness, cynicism, or malevolence against the victim partner is conjured up by BT jealousy.
Such negative illusions are usually rooted in past experiences not even related to the victim partner. The victim partner usually senses a "bad-person" feedback from the BT jealous person. That causes the victim to respond with increasing puzzlement or astonishment followed by anger, dislike, and a sense of injustice. Those negative emotions usually keep building until they eventually outweigh all the good feelings and values between the partners. At that point, love and the relationship die.
The Neo-Tech/Psychuous Concepts identify and can overcome both types of jealousy, especially the GT type. BT jealousy is more difficult to overcome because the cause is a cancerous mysticism that becomes deeply rooted in one's emotions. Cognitive-based psychotherapy[ 19 ] may help overcome BT jealousy and its destructive effects. But the only certain cure is to use mystic-breaking, integrated honesty to self-command all actions. Without that integrated honesty, one will continue reacting destructively to the emotions of jealousy.
The bad thoughts of BT jealousy along with its hostile, immature possessiveness and obligatory demands become increasingly unreal, unfair, and burdensome to the victim partner. Such jealousy will eventually destroy any love relationship no matter how strong were the original love and values. BT jealousy is an unfair, hostile foisting of one's own personal problems or inadequacies onto the victim partner. The mounting obligatory demands and hostile possessiveness of BT jealousy destroys a love relationship by penalizing the victim partner for the very values he or she offers. In fact, the more values offered, the greater are the penalties -- the greater are the possessive attacks and obligatory demands. Indeed, BT jealousy, immature possessiveness, and obligatory demands not only rest on mystically unreal premises, but are always unjust since the victim is penalized to the extent he or she offers values to the jealous partner.
The jealous partner ignores the free-choice position necessary to build a healthy, permanent romantic-love relationship. The jealous partner accepts the false idea that outside relationships or associations are by nature threatening [Re: Concept 63, Neo-Tech Reference Encyclopedia]. Furthermore, the jealous partner erroneously judges his or her partner in terms of unrelated, outside experiences and relationships rather than in terms of their own relationship [Re: Concept 63, Neo-Tech Reference Encyclopedia].
Through mysticism, jealousy destroys values by focusing on what is not given or what is not available...while ignoring, abusing, tearing down, or destroying what is given or is available. Through Neo-Tech, the non-mystic appreciates and focuses on what values are given or are available and then builds from that position -- and only from that position.
"Testing" is simply another form of jealousy in which one partner translates his or her insecurity into testing the victim partner for proof of love or fidelity. Such "testing" is unfair, immature, and continually escalates until the values of a relationship are destroyed.
[ 17 ] Although sexual jealousy is common and perhaps exists to s ome degree in most people, such jealousy is neither natural nor psychologically healthy. Sexual jealousy often stems from insecurity or self-esteem problems. Sexual jealousy is not synonymous with the valid desire for sexual privacy and romantic exclusivity experienced in most value-oriented, love relationships. ...By contrast, nonsexual jealousy (NS) differs from sexual jealousy (GT or BT types). NS jealousy involves relatively harmless, natural desires for values possessed by others. Often NS jealousy is erroneously called "envy". Envy is not a desire to possess values of others, but is a malevolent desire to destroy values earned by others. Envy is rooted in the fear of exposing one's own inadequacy, incompetence, impotence. Productive people can experience harmless NS jealousy, while nonproductive people often experience destructive envy [Re: Concepts 133 and 134, Neo-Tech Reference Encyclopedia].
Note: No value judgment is or can be made on emotions alone. Only the choice to react rationally or irrationally to an emotion can be judged good or bad. The above judgments are based on jealous reactions, not jealous emotions. The choice to act rationally in avoiding a jealous reaction will help dissipate that harmful emotion. But the harmful, irrational choice to react jealously always feeds and amplifies that emotion.
[ 18 ] No one can ever really own another person's life, including that person's sex life. Every individual exclusively owns each and every segment of his or her own life. In relationships, people volitionally share, not own, various aspects or segments of each other's lives. In a romantic-love relationship, by nature, many more life experiences are intimately shared and integrated than in other types of human relationships. Also, while certain segments of a person's life can be temporarily rented or hired as in a voluntary employer-employee relationship, no part of a person's life can be actually owned by anyone else.
[ 19 ] Effective cognitive psychotherapy is objectively oriented around the cognitive nature of human beings (rather than mystically oriented around behavioral and social natures). To be effective, a therapist must understand the relationships between reason and emotions, between self-esteem and mental health, between mysticism and mental illness. Unfortunately, few psychologists or psychiatrists are oriented around objective standards, even fewer work with or even understand the relationship between self-esteem and mental health. And only a minute fraction, if any, in the profession understand mysticism as the prime disease of the human mind and the only disease of human consciousness.
That situation is why most psychiatrists and psychologists have essentially zero "cure" records. Most such therapists are ineffective or harmful in helping their patients find real, long-range solutions to their problems. Ineffective therapy not only costs the patient much time and money, but increases the long-range damage by camouflaging the problem under illusions or feelings of relief, well-being, improvement, or cure. Those illusions are like drugs: they give temporary feelings of euphoria on which the patient becomes increasingly dependent. But the problems always reemerge in other forms, often in forms more destructive than previously experienced.
To benefit from therapy, the patient must first determine the therapist's honesty, integrity, and criterion for mental health. If, on questioning, the therapist's treatment is not clearly based on the biological nature of man and a criterion of self-esteem, the patient should seek another therapist. A wrong or an incompetent therapist can cost a patient's long-range happiness, even his or her life. Also, the need for ever using psychotherapy, especially in overcoming internal mysticism, is questioned in Neo-Tech Advantage #73 entitled, "The Nature of Emotions".
In fact, most neuroses are self-chosen indulgences in mysticism for which therapy is of little value. Usually, only a self-chosen maturity and honesty to break that mystical indulgence (cause) will end the symptomatic neurosis (effect).