Subject: Re: [OT] Independence and Living with your parents

From: "Arik Baratz" <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 16 Jul 2006 18:25:52 -0700

On 7/16/06, Shlomi Fish <[email-masked]> wrote:

> > I disagree. I think it's as prevalent in Israel as much as it is in the
> > states.
> I'm not sure. When some USers I talked with heard that I'm 28 (29 by now) and
> live with my parents, they were a bit shocked. I have some IRC conversations
> to prove it.

Well, it's not very common, but it's not negligible.

> > The biggest no-no, which is living with your girlfriend or wife in
> > your parents' house, is as much in effect in Israel as it is in, for
> > example, the US.
> Possibly. Nevertheless, one of my cousins lived with his wife at my uncle's
> apartment, for a while after they were married. And no-one seemed to mind.

Well, it is rare. No one I know have done this.

> > Living with your parents after collage before you have a decent job is
> > not as uncommon as it seems in the US.
> Possibly. Of course, people in the States often get their B.Sc./B.A./etc.
> earlier than most people in Israel (due to the army, getting a
> post-army-or-high-school job, the traditional long trips abroad, etc.)

Yes, 'after collage' in Israel is around age 25, while in the US it's
around age 22. I mentioned the age in reference to collage on purpose.

> Note however, that an Indian friend told me that in India there is even less
> of a taboo. There married couples often move into the house of one of the
> parents and live with them. It is possible that it is acceptable for them to
> even have children while remaining there.

Except for the middle and high class casts, which are very small in
relation to the general population, the majority of Indians live in
the house of the groom's parents, and most marriages were arranged. I
know an Indian guy who married his GF of 7 years, and this is
EXTREMELY rare. If you open Hindustan Times you'll see ads to that
affect. Dowry is, paradoxically, both forbidden by law and universally
practiced. You have to be there to appreciate what this means.

> Most of the excuses I heard from Americans to moving out of your parents'
> house boils down to having "independence". However, I don't think you are
> acting completely non-indepenently when you are staying with your parents.
> While it is more convenient to do so, there are other ways in which your
> independence manifests itself, and one swallow does not make a spring.

Nevertheless our (western) society looks at it in that way. Personally
I did experience a higher degree of freedom moving out of my parents
place (not to mention now, that I live 10 timezones away). It's like a
trial by fire, from being somewhat dependant on your parents for your
rent, food, and have your laundry folded nicely when you come home :-)
(yes I know not all live-with-parents experiences are like this) to
being completely and utterly on my own. For that matter, I do not
consider having your parents pay any of your expenses as being in that
state. For me it was a boundary, and I did cross it.

-- Arik