Prospects of fighting the Pseudo-Vampires
PrevNode LinkNext[ Becky, Cliff, and Chankey are sitting in the library, studying together, and Faith is approaching. ]
Becky: Hey, Faith! Are there any news with respect to handling the Pseudo-vampires crisis?
Faith: Hi Becky! Well we have some plans and The First told us we'll likely be lucky enough.
Becky: Isn't The First being Evil?
Faith: Not anymore - during one divination we made him convert to the good side. He realised that being alone for milliards of years does not justify being frustrated for the rest.
Becky: Heh, he kinda reminds me of Marvin the Paranoid Android .
Faith: Oh, The First is totally psyched about Marvin. He sees him as his soul mate and as someone who shares a similar past. In fact, during many divinations, he recites poems he had written about Marvin and himself. Very emo ones, but they make people laugh, and The First does not seem to mind that.
Becky: Hey, I also told my older brother, who is a U.S. Army soldier about the crisis and he surprisingly didn't think I was delusional, and said he may be able to help us.
Faith: Good job, Beck! You have a lot of potential.
Cliff: Oh, for goodness sake! How much potential can one brony-chick sport?
Becky: by the way, how did you survive on the streets as a girl?
Faith: well, "living on the streets" is kind-of a stretch. See: I took Peter the mafio's advice and collected money from people in exchange for stand-up comedy/philosophy sessions and earned my keeps this way. Just for the record, being original is a Big Mistake; I crossoverred stuff all over the place.
Faith: And after I became a slayer: big money! People will give you half their life savings for saving their lives. I settled on a quarter at most, heh.
Faith: Then after I hit puberty, I used to seduce guys all over the place. And I was below the age of consent so it was fucking illegal!
Chankey: Fucking illegal fucking!
[ They laugh. ]
Becky: Chankey: you've just said the F-word… I knew you had a lot of potential.
Chankey: thanks, Becky! I try.
Cliff: God, kill me now!
Faith: anyway, many of my lovers came for more helpings, and surprisingly they never coincided. And there was passion alright. Despite the fact that I did that only to compensate for my mother.
Faith: but there was something strange: I used to have these dreams where I had sex with one or more lover and one or more characters from TV shows, films, or books. And I never had a ménage in my life, and you know how dreams during which you have sex are supposed to be good dreams… these dreams were nightmares!
Chankey: strange…
Faith: yes! And after the sex, I saw myself standing in front of my own lookalike, who said "You know, but you don't know enough."
Faith: and… after I came to Sunnydale, I had sex with Xander as part of my master plan for preventing the Ascension, and I felt sorry for him being manipulated like that. So I ended up hanging out with him for a few days. I wouldn't have admitted it back then, but I fell in love with him.
Faith: Then I had a dream where we were kissing each other passionately and that time, it was a very pleasant one. And then I saw my lookalike, and she said: “Now you know more. Keep it up. By the way, my name's Eliza.”
Faith: And I never saw her again.
Cliff: That's weird!
Faith: Yes. Anyway, I taught Xand some martial arts, and surprisingly, he was able to defeat both Buffy and me quite often. We thought it may have to do with our emotional attachment, so we asked Chuck Norris to fight us and he agreed and won too. (He likely thought it was weird that two frail girls asked him that, heh.)
Faith: So we had to rethink our prejudice against men being slayers…