“Venting Is Us.”
PrevNode LinkNext[ A modern tech office whose door says: “Venting is Us.” with a large version of xkcd: “Venting”. Chuck Norris and Summer Glau are sitting inside.
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Chuck Norris: OK, Summer, I finished writing another rebuttal. As whom should I sign it?
Summer Glau: How about as Rory Gilmore?
Chuck Norris: Sounds good. You can sign yours as Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Summer Glau: Cool!
[ A few muppets who look like Mafios with a human leader storm in. ]
Head Mafio: Are you Summer Glau and Chuck Norris?
Summer Glau and Chuck Norris: [Startled] Yes, we are.
Head Mafio: Well, we are seeking vengeance on a blog comment the two of you wrote and signed as Tiffany Alvord, so we are going to whack up this office.
Summer Glau: Using Electro-Magnetic Pulse (EMP) Cannons?
Head Mafio: No, using these machine guns! [Mafio muppets showing their machine guns.]
[ Chuck Norris and Summer Glau quickly raise their hands. ]
Summer Glau: Ahem… may I consult with Chuck for a moment or two?
Head Mafio: Yes, I suppose.
Summer Glau: [Whispering to Chuck] What do we do now?
Chuck Norris: I don’t know! I don’t have a gun here.
Summer Glau: Well, it’s not exactly Texas.
Chuck Norris: Maybe we should surrender?
Summer Glau: We can apologise… [thinking] wait!
Summer Glau: [To the Mafios] Listen, we apologise for attributing all these rebuttals to all these good people. Anyway, what do you say of us becoming “Don’t be venting - be perfecting”, and help people to write essays and articles in proper and correct English?
Head Mafio: [ He has tears in his eyes. ] Sounds very honourable, Ms. Glau. Alright! We’ll give you two another chance.
Chuck Norris: Yay!
[ Cut to the new office with a new sign of “Don’t be venting - be perfecting.” ]
Chuck Norris: Finally, note that I find that the Saxon Genitive will be preferable there.
Mikhael: [ Russian-sounding Voice from the Internet ] Thank you, Mr. Norris. I’ll be forever grateful to you two.
Summer Glau: You’re welcome, Mikhael. We will appreciate some publicity in social media outlets, and a monetary payment, but we really love helping people like you.
Mikhael: Sure, I’ll do all that.
Summer Glau and Chuck Norris: Bye! See you!
Mikhael: Good bye.
Summer Glau: Hmmm… I think we are actually making a profit from all that.
Head Mafio: OK, it seems you two have become benevolent pillars of society, so not only will we let you go, but we will offer you protection.
Summer Glau: Really? For how much?
Head Mafio: At half-the-price today: 5,000 virtual love points.
Summer Glau: Tell you what? We can give you a million real love points. [She does a heart with her hands.]
Head Mafio: Offer accepted. Now I need to prepare for my niece’s birthday party - she is going to be 10 years old. You two are also invited.
Chuck Norris: Why, thank you!
Summer Glau: Yes, we may actually drop by.