Kate tells her story
PrevNode LinkNextKate’s Early Life
Node LinkNextKate: My first. Well, I was actually born Kate Hampshire, an Anglican baby born to English parents on French soil. I grew up among French children, who welcomed me as their own, but when my parents and I returned back to England when I was 5 years old, I was ridiculed for my French, and so wanted to hear nothing of it, until I was older and had to relearn French much more painfully.
Selina: But you still had a trace of a French accent…
Kate: Precisely.
Kate: Anyway, as opposed to Dumas’ description, I was a brunette, for which some no-goodnicks from my whereabouts, ridiculed me for being of Jewish descent, but eventually, I knew not to care. There were plenty of other brunette girls among my friends, anyway.
Kate: Anyway, my father wanted me to learn the proper Christian law and ethics, so he taught me how to read English, and told me to read the Bible. I grew to love it, and considered the various characters there as my friends.
Kate: Moreover, I organised various shows of the Bible, by children at the local parish, often with a lot of humour thrown in, in order to captivate the crowd. Our minister believed that this was blasphemous, so he summoned the local Bishop to see, who not only enjoyed our shows, but also told the reverend that we were making the Bible something living and dynamic, and so it should be encouraged.
Kate: As a result, I quickly became notorious for my shows, which also captured the attention of the local nobility, the Lords of Canterson. The older brother, who liked me so much, became infatuated with me, courted me, and eventually we got married.
Kate: We led a happy marriage, but it was terminated shortly after that, when the lord, my husband, became sick, and then died. It was not my fault, but I was devastated from it, and after recovering, told the lord’s younger brother, the now honourable Lord James Canterson, that I was going to relocate to Paris, France, for a change of scenery. He agreed.
Kate: As a result, I, as Lady Canterson, arrived at Paris to try my luck in finding a new life. I was able to make a small profit teaching English and the English bible to many students who were eager to learn, but my social life took a turn, to the worse, at first. You see, I kept telling the various people at parties and other social events of my previous life as an entertainer and also reciting some of my takes on Biblical things with improvisations. Many men and women found it amusing and liked me, but a minority of the women started spreading rumours that I killed my husband, and was actually glad he died, and were trying to put me down.
d’Artagnan’s Advice
PrevNode LinkNextKate’s voice: At one point, I could not take it anymore, and I went to a corner couch, sat down, and started crying. I was joined by d’Artagnan, a young (about my age), and promising, guard at the des Essarts’ company of guards, who was a big fan of me and my stories about what happened in the Bible, and he asked me:
[ Showing the couch ]
D’Artagnan: Milady, que se passe-t-il? [ = “Milady, what’s the matter?” ]
Milady Kate: Rien [ = “nothing”. She is crying.].
D’Artagnan: Il y a évidemment quelque chose qui ne va pas. Pourquoi pleurez-vous? [ = “something is obviously the matter. Why are you crying?”]
Milady Kate: D’accord. Comme je ne porte plus le deuil et que je semble heureuse, les autres femmes croient que j’ai tué mon mari. [ = “OK. The other women think I killed my husband because I’m now no longer grieving and because I seem happy.”]
D’Artagnan: Sottises! On peut à la fois être triste et heureux pour des raisons différentes. [ = “nonsense. You can be sad and happy at the same time, for two different things.” ]
Milady Kate: Oui, oui. [ = “yes. yes.”]
D’Artagnan: Laissez-moi vous dire ceci [takes her hands]. Je comprends que vous soyez troublée, mais sachez que ces personnes ne vous veulent que du tort et vous ne devriez pas laisser les paroles grossières ou méprisantes vous affecter. Vous valez mieux que ça. [= “Let me tell you this . It’s OK to receive insults, it’s OK to be offended, but you need to know that ultimately the other person just does not mean well, and that you should not get them to hurt you. You’re better than that.”]
Milady Kate: M. d’Artagnan, vous êtes très sage pour votre âge. [= “M. d’Artagnan, you are quite wise for your age.”]
D’Artagnan: Merci, Milady. Je tâcherai que ça ne me monte pas à la tête. [= “Thank you, Milady. I will not let it go to my head.”]
[ They both smile. ]
Kate and d’Artagnan’s Friendship
PrevNode LinkNextKate’s voice: D’Artagnan and I became good friends: I taught him English and the Bible, and he told me of some of the things he learned as a noble, and what happened at the guards, and helped me improve my French. We ended up falling in love and having an affair, and while we did not go public about it, we did not really hide it either, and pretty soon everyone knew, and many single people and couples were jealous of us. But we didn’t care.
Kate’s voice: I should also tell you about the Queen, Anne of Austria. She was a beautiful woman, but needy and jealous and wanted the King, Louis XIII, to love her, without her doing anything to deserve it. The King and his prime minister, Cardinal Richelieu, despised her for her incompetence, which made her feel even more deprived of love that she supposedly deserved. I sometimes had to provide support for some of her maids, who were offended by her abuse, and ended up giving them d’Artagnan’s advice, which I noticed had made them quickly lose their job, and then meeting me and telling me how relieved they were.
Kate’s voice: In any case, I was expecting d’Artagnan to propose soon after all that, when it was announced that the conquest of La Rochelle was about to take place, and that d’Artagnan will relocate there. I was somewhat worried for his future, and thought we would have to part soon.
Kate’s Assignment
PrevNode LinkNextKate’s voice: However, nothing prepared me for the time when my maid woke me up in the middle of the night and informed me that two of the King’s Musketeers were at the door. I wondered why. The Musketeers told me the king asked to see me, so I wore a plain dress, and they took me in a carriage to the palace. They escorted me to a room where I saw the king sitting at an armchair, as well as d’Artagnan, and his good friend and mentor, Athos, standing at a corner.
[ Showing the scene at the Palace. ]
Louis XIII: [In English with a French accent] Hello, Lady Canterson. You know M. d’Artagnan and M. Athos.
Milady Kate: [A little worried] I do, nice to meet you again.
Louis XIII: Please meet his eminence.
[ Cardinal Richelieu (Patrick Stewart) turns to face them. ]
Milady Kate: His eminence! Oh no, oh no… if it’s about my relationship with M. d’Artagnan, then - it was all my fault - I can return to England, and…
Cardinal Richelieu: Lady Canterson, we have known about your affair with M. d’Artagnan for a long time, and we do not disapprove of it, but that is not why you are here. In fact, we brought you here, in order to slay Lord Buckingham, so he won’t interfere with our planned attack of La Rochelle.
Milady Kate: Kill Lord Buckingham?
Cardinal Richelieu: I said “slay” - not “kill”. There is a difference as you shall see.
Cardinal Richelieu: We have failed at convincing Lord Buckingham that he should refrain from attacking us, which will cause many innocent lives to be lost and so we have to resort to take him out of the equation.
Louis XIII: Here’s the deal: you will carry these three letters signed by his eminence, by the King of England and by me, that will instruct whoever reads them to do everything within reason to assist you in your mission. M. Athos and M. d’Artagnan will escort you, and they will protect you with their lives if necessary.
Louis XIII: The plan is: go to your house and take the belongings you care about; take a fast carriage to Calais and cross the channel; once in England, find some people you know to help you find a body similar to Lord Buckingham, find someone who will take the blame for it (your king will make sure nothing bad happens to him), slay Lord Buckingham, and take a carriage with him to Plymouth where you will board a ship to the British colonies of America, and both start a new life. Is that clear?
Milady Kate: Yes, your majesty. [She bows.]
[ Milady Kate, Athos and d’Artagnan leave. ]
Kate’s voice: So we did it all, despite some minor setbacks, in part due to me bitching about the whole situation. We contacted Lord Canterson, who volunteered one of his trusted soldiers for the job. And travelled to Portsmouth where Lord Buckingham was about to leave.
[ Showing the cabin of Lord Buckingham. He is standing there. Adam, Lord Canterson’s soldier, enters with a rifle and points it at Lord Buckingham. ]
Adam: Greetings, your highness! I can shoot you now, but I won’t.
Lord Buckingham: I believe you. What is it that you desire?
[ Milady Kate enters, followed by Athos, d’Artagnan and Lord Canterson who are dragging a body. ]
Milady Kate: Greetings, Lord Buckingham! We shall travel together to Plymouth, in order to board a ship to the New World, where we will be a couple at least until our arrival. Consider yourself slain and reborn.
[ Turns to face d’Artagnan ]
Milady Kate: I guess we part now.
D’Artagnan: Yes.
Milady Kate: I loved you.
D’Artagnan: I loved you too.
[ They hug. ]
Milady Kate: [to Lord Buckingham] Shall we? [She puts her hand in his.]
Kate meets Dumas
PrevNode LinkNextKate’s voice: We boarded the ship and started a new life at what became the United States of America. I kept in touch with Mr. George Smith, as he was now called for a while until he no longer needed me. I was also eventually been indoctrinated as a vampire, for whom the fact that she once slew the 1st Duke of Buckingham was merely an anecdote.
Kate’s voice: But all this changed shortly after the publication of The Three Musketeers in the 1840s. Having dismissed Alexandre Dumas as a second-class writer of popular books, I was surprised that many people approached me in my new life as Mrs. Kate Black requesting that I will slay them. Eventually, I found out about the novel, sent a letter to M. Dumas that I was coming to visit him, and travelled by ship to France to meet him at his home in Paris. This is what happened.
[ Cut to Alexandre Dumas’ Home ]
Dumas: Good morning, Madame Black, I have heard so much about you, but have no idea why you would like to meet me, all of a sudden.
Kate: M. Dumas… I am going to kill you. Physically! For what you have done to me.
Dumas: But, Madame, why?
Kate: How shall I put it? For your information, I was once Lady Kate Canterson and…
Dumas: [Interrupts her] Oh, non! C’est un impossible. You are the… real Milady de-Winter!
Dumas: Oh, this is a great honour. Where are my manners? Milady, do you want some cake, some biscuits, some tea? I have excellent wine too. Please! Sit down. [Kate reluctantly sits down. Dumas is busy making arrangements for taking care of his guest.]
Dumas: Please, tell me all about it.
Dumas’ Advice
PrevNode Link[ Later on that evening. ]
Kate: [Drunk] M. Dumas, you treated me really well today, but now what do we do… about… about… about the people who are asking me to slay them.
M. Dumas: [Not as drunk] Madame, just tell them that you no longer will slay. That you quit being a slayer, and that they should deal with their troubled life themselves.
Kate: Mr. Dumas, sounds like a good idea. You are a very wise man for your age. [She falls asleep.]
[ Cut to the morning. Kate is sleeping on a bed in Alexandre Dumas’ house. Birds are chirping outside, and everything is pastoral. ]
Kate: [Wakes up] Hmm… [Hangover] Ow, ow, oh! [She rises up and washes her face.]
[ Cut to a different room in Dumas’ house, he is sitting there drinking tea. ]
Alexandre Dumas: Bonjour, Madame Black. I see you have slept well.
Kate: I have, thank you.
Alexandre Dumas: I enjoyed hearing your story last night.
Kate: And I was happy to tell it. [She pours some water and drinks it.] Thanks for the hospitality. And for the useful piece of advice which I now recall.
Alexandre Dumas: You are most welcome, Madame. Now please - stay for breakfast.
Kate: Thank you, Monsieour. I shall stay. No wine this time, though.
[ Dumas smiles and Kate laughs. ]
Alexandre Dumas: Yes, no wine. Now, Madame, would you like to hear some ideas I have for a new novel?
[ Close-up on Kate, she is grinning mischievously. ]