The Essence of Being a Dispeller
Node LinkNextSelina’s voice: I took The Guide’s advice and invited Jessica, Jonathan and Matthew to come over to my house, and started telling them the whole story, after telling them they may decide whether to believe me or not. They found it incredibly funny and burst out laughing several times.
Selina’s voice: They said that whether it was real or not, it was a blast hearing it, and that I should write it and publish it online.
[ Selina is walking in a nice park. ]
Selina’s voice: Matthew and I got accepted into different universities, so we parted ways. Jessica, Jonathan, Matthew, and I are still chatting over the Internet and stuff. Meanwhile, I started studying Near East Archaeology in my university in California, and now have to learn Sumerian, Akkadian, Phoenician, and Aramaic, at least for now.
Selina’s voice: I need to study Cuneiform and it is driving me mad, so I’m looking for a pastoral place to study it. This park is really lovely.
[ Mosheh and Aharon, who resemble Moses and Aaron from the Bible, approach Selina from a different pathway. They are wearing backpacks. ]
Mosheh: Oh, there she is. [they approach her].
Mosheh: Hi, Ms. Mandrake? Nice to meet you. I am Mosheh Ben-Amram - this is my brother, Aharon. [they extend their hands.]
[ Selina looks angry. Cut to a long shot of the trees. ]
Selina’s Voice: [In a loud and angry tone] You bloody fucks!!!
[ Cut to Selina standing next to Mosheh and Aharon. ]
Selina: I can’t believe you people… you… vampires.
Selina: I want to kill you, I so am, but it will probably be futile, because if you survived until now, there’s no way I can hurt you at all.
Mosheh: Well, not physically, but you certainly can mentally.
Selina: Mr. Mosheh - this is not the time to make such silly jokes.
Selina: Tell me one thing: why me? wha - hy me? Why was I chosen to be The Slayer and then, the… the…
Aharon: The Dispeller!
Selina: Exactly. Was it destiny? [starts crying] Was it fate? Did I want to?
[ Mosheh and Aharon drag Selina to a bench, where she sits down and weeps. ]
Selina: And what kind of slayer cries like a baby?
Mosheh: Here, have a handkerchief.
Selina: Thank you. [Weeps into the handkerchief.]
Mosheh: And don’t worry, Selina, some of our most admired and toughest male warrior vampires, had cried in less aggravating conditions than yours. We are all human.
Selina: [cries some more] OK, I’m the Dispeller, now what do we do?
Mosheh: Whatever you want.
Selina: Should I dispel stuff?
Mosheh: You already did, but it was done by vampires, both human and non-human, since the beginning of the universe.
Selina: Then why do they need me?
Mosheh: Well, how should I start. I gather you’ve watched Star Trek: Deep Space Nine?
Mosheh: Yep, they are all real to an extent - minus some Hollywood deviations, and exaggerations.
Selina: Oh God… who is probably Don Knuth, right. I know the “Knuth is not God” meme.
Mosheh: Well, according to the prophets he is “The God” and “The Neo-Tech God”.
Selina: Why Neo-Tech?
Mosheh: Because we are part of “The Neo-Tech conspiracy for establishing the Semitic culture”.
Selina: Wasn’t it established thousands of years ago?
Aharon: Well, like the prophets would say “Before? After?”.
Selina: Got it.
Selina: OK, so people dispelled in the past, and they needed me as some kind of role model to look up to, in order to dispel. How lame!
Selina: But what were these slaying tests, and The Guide, and these weird demons, and… God, they made me feel so helpless, and mad, and sad, and… all for becoming a silly Bajoran god?
Selina: [she stands up] Couldn’t you have given me a written examination?
Mosheh: That would not be adequate for us. See, as vampires, we constantly have to deal with a lot of emotions and frustrations in our personal and professional lives. Dispelling is not always easy, and you are going to encounter many obstacles along the way from envious people, who are threatened by what you say, or stubborn people, or sycophants, or even people who care about what you say or have important amendments.
Mosheh: Dispelling is not just fun and games, you know.
Selina: I see. [Selina giggles.]
Mosheh: I should also tell you about the Q continuum.
Selina: Yes, I gather it existed, only it seems that the Qs cannot be omnipotent, because it’s a logical and mathematical impossibility.
Mosheh: They are not. They are regular humanoids, or other aliens, who have ascended to be vampires and Qs, and who possess extremely powerful (but not omnipotent or “supernatural”) technology.
Selina: I see. Did they provide the special effects?
Mosheh: You guessed it.
Selina: OK, I’m still mad at you. But since I still find all this fascinating (I have to, as a wannabe Archaeologist and stuff), I’m going to continue talking to you, despite being mad.
Mosheh: Sure. You may wish to know that the Bajoran scholars considered dispelling as the next logical level after slaying.
Selina: And The Slayer was Buffy from the show?
Mosheh: No. The fictional Buffy Anne Summers was a mighty slayer, but she was just The Vampire Slayer. The Slayer and the concept of slaying predates her.
Selina: I see. So whom do I have the dubious honour to succeed?
Mosheh: This is a complicated story, but let me ask you: have you read the novel The Three Muskeeters?
Selina: By Dumas? Of course! … What?! Milady de Winter?! She?!
Mosheh: The more accurate story is a bit more complicated, but maybe you’d like to hear it from a more authoritative source.
Selina: From whom?
Mosheh: Look behind you.
[ Selina turns around and notices Kate (Gabrielle Anwar), an attractive, black-haired, white, woman, looking in her thirties or fourties or so.
. ]
Selina: [sheepishly] Hi, who might you be?
Kate: [excited] Oh Selina, I feel like I’ve known you all my life. [she runs to hug Selina. Selina reluctantly lets her hug her.]
Selina: OK, OK, but who are you Ms.…
Kate: Oh sorry, [lets herself go of Selina] I am Kate.
Selina: Nice to meet you, Ms. Kate.
Kate: Well, I’ve been known by various last names in previous lives, but Kate always stayed the same.
Selina: Previous lives? Oh, I suppose you remained young…
Mosheh: …Or became younger.
Selina: Yes, yes, OK. So which life are we talking about?