The Celts Trip to Damascus
PrevNode LinkNextThe Rape
Node LinkNextJosefus: Anyway, can you share some details about your trip? I never ventured a long way past Damascus.
Athena: Sure! It was very interesting. Most interesting.
Athena: We travelled with our own people and some Greek merchants, all the way to Athens, and there we hitchhiked a ride with some Assyrian merchants, hoping it will get us closer to Alexandria. There were some guards escorting us, and at one point they disarmed us and threatened us at sword’s point to have sex with them or else they'll kill us and take all our possessions.
Josefus: Wow! Rape. So what did you do?
Athena: Well, we consulted between ourselves and after a long while of being really scared, we calmed down a little, and decided that if we are forced to have sex, we might as well cooperate and try to enjoy it. So we told them that we’ll do it willingly, and they agreed.
Josefus: How clever of you! And then what happened?
Athena: Well, the three of us and her lover each found their own part of the woods, and we had sex. Then, after one or two times, the three men all lost stamina, while we were not completely satisfied and cried for more!
[ Josefus laughs. ]
Alexis: Yes! Then we heard each other’s cries and we gathered at one place together still naked with our clothes as cover, and we bitched about the whole situation - in Greek - and the men stood there ashamed.
Athena: Yes! Anyway, we continued as couples throughout the trip and the men got better in love making as time went by, and they also taught us a little Aramaic. Then we arrived at the junction - they wanted to go to Assyria, and we wanted to head more south, and then all the 6 of us were completely emotional and offered each other to escort them on the way, so we won’t part. But we eventually cared enough about the others to let them go on their own way.
Josefus: Wow! That sounds like love.
Athena: Love! Yes! That’s the word. Eros in action.
The Non-seducable Jewish Merchants
PrevNode LinkNextAthena: Anyway, then we hitchhiked a ride with a band of Greek merchants. The boys there were easy and we all liked each other, so we had a lot of sex, and we learned even more Aramaic from them.
Josefus: Did you fall in love with them too?
Athena: This time we didn’t. So after them, we hitchhiked a ride with some Jewish and Phoenician merchants. Jews and Phoenicians proclaim to hate each others’ guts but they always band together. Anyway, we wanted to have sex with the Jewish men but they refused to do so unless we converted to Judaism and they married us. They kept citing Jehovah and their faith to him as the reason why.
Josefus: So did you give up on them?
Athena: Not on your life! We wanted them more! And more badly!
[
From Friends Series 2 Episode 4. ]
Athena: The wives of the Jewish men thought they were being unfair to us, and urged them to have sex with us. So they started a heated debate about what the Jewish tradition said about that.
Josefus: So these women studied that?
Athena: Probably not, but they faked it really well. But the men still didn’t want to have sex with us, because of Jehovah of course.
Not Having Sex
PrevNode LinkJosefus: Well, just for the record, as much as my variant of Judaism is unorthodox and avant-garde, and I derive influence from other ethnicities and cultures, I am still a proud Jew and not going to cast humiliation on my people by having pre-marital sex with you or with any other girl.
Selena: See! Told you! All Jews are the same. Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah.
Selena: Well, just for the record, we’re not going to have sex with you either.
Josefus: Oh.
Josefus’ Voice: I actually felt disappointed.
Athena: Do you feel disappointed from it?
Josefus: Me? No! It’s actually a relief. Well… a little.
Athena: OK, just know that it’s nothing personal: we decided against having sex completely, shortly after hearing your Qoheleth thing.
Josefus: Really? But didn’t I say “Young man, be joyful in your youth” there?
Athena: That you did, but something else there made us realise that sex is not worth the risk of getting pregnant. So we’re going to wait with it until we return home to our village.
Josefus: I see, I said so many things in the scroll that I couldn’t tell what was right and what was wrong. Good thing I admitted it was blasphemy and should not be taken seriously.
Athena: Yes, well, we actually started learning the Jewish law and legacy from some priests in the Jewish and Phoenician convoy hoping we can eventually convert to Judaism and marry the Jewish men. A lot of it seems nifty and a lot seems quite appalling. Are all the mythologies of the peoples here like that?
Josefus: There are many parallels, and most myths of the Jews exist in various variations in the myths of other nations. Ever since the exile to Babylon, the Jews have treated their Torah as holy, which I sometimes feel was not the original intention of these stories.
Josefus: The storytellers of the Jews or the other people were essentially a precursor to modern-day philosophers, and I feel that a good story reflects some good philosophy. I’m pretty sure many of the stories in the Torah and the books of the Prophets were passed by and embellished from generation to generation.